All language subtitles for Blackish s05e13 Son of a Pitch.eng

Dre: So, Junior's been interning
at Stevens & Lido.

[ Flatly ] Hey, guys.

Thanks for the opportunity.

And like starting any new job,

there were some growing pains.

Stevens & Lido.

Oh, yes, ma'am, Mr. Stevens
is in the bathroom,

so why don't you call back...
Bathroom?!

...in like 30 minutes.
Hey!

[ Muttering ] Cut it out!
I'm so sorry!

45 minutes!
What are you talking --

Don't answer
the phone anymore.

♪♪

Some major growing pains.

Thanks for changing that.

Allow me.
Thank you.

I have a meeting!

This almost
never happens!

♪♪

Which leads us to today.

I'll have the Italian sub.

Okeydoke.

And to make it easy
on you,

I'll get
the same thing.

Just make sure my meat

is on the outside
of the sandwich.

I'm not even trying
to touch bread.

[ Chuckles ] Got to keep
my shoulders sexy.

Do you just, like,
not want bread?

No.

A sandwich with no bread
is just a pile of meat.

Dude.

Okay.
Uh, lettuce and tomato?

Sure.

Have them
put it in a bowl

and chop it up and
throw some dressing on it.

So, a-a salad.

Oh, my God!

Have you not
had a sandwich before?

Is it...just me?

It was taking him a while
to find his footing,

but he was settling
into his role of intern.

Hey, Dad.
I hope you don't mind... [ Sighs ]

...but I had
a couple of thoughts

for the Southland Mutual
pitch today.

Okay, well, I do mind.

You're not ready.
How do you know?

Because you gave me
Charlie's lunch.

♪♪

♪♪

Woman: [ Peppy voice ]
Southland Mutual -- It's your money!

[ Key clacks ]
Man: [ Excited voice ] Southland Mutual --

It's your money!
[ Key clacks ]

Man #2: [ Serious voice ]
Southland Mutual --

It's your money.

Enough! Enough!

You've actually
found voices

more annoying
than my ex-wife,

may she rest in peace.

We are going back
to the drawing board.

That is crap.
-Mm-hmm.

I might have
a solution.

What?

If I may...

You may not.

No, no, no,
l-let him go.

It's not like
I'll be embarrassed.

What have you got?

Know this,

if the words "star" or "wars"
come out of your mouth,

I will knock you into
a galaxy far, far away.

Um...

I think the slogan works.

It's...you know, just missing
a little something.

Like, uh...

"Southland Mutual --

It's your money...

Yeah."

Hate it.

Hmm...

Interesting.

Yeah, that, too.

I-If you like that,

I thought about a "yes"
or a-a "yep."

What about a-a "maybe"

or a "okeydokey"
or a "damn straight"?

Well, what about
a "yes"?

What were you doing?

You guys were stuck,

and I thought
my idea might help.

They always say a good idea
can come from anywhere.

Yeah, it comes from people
who sit around this table.

Leave the ad stuff
to us,

and we'll leave the
"not knowing your place" to you.

Yeah, and everyone leave
my laptop to me.

This is
a real computer

and not a toy
that sends zoo e-mails.

But, wait, wh-what?

Hmm?
But, guys,

Mr. Stevens
liked my pitch.

He said
it was interesting.

You don't know what
"interesting" means.

What if you took off
all of your clothes

and your girlfriend says,
"Interesting"

and then
leaves the room?

Do you think
she's coming back?

Depends -- is it hot
or cold in the room?

Boy, that's not
the point!

You spoke out of turn!

You could have gotten
both of us fired.

Oh. I'm sorry. I...

I didn't realize that.

Well...

Well, I couldn't get fired

'cause I have a very tight
lawsuit, but you?

You don't have tapes.

[ Laughs ] You blew it,
college boy.

Your days
are numbered here.

[ Lion roaring ]

Excuse me.

I have to
go handle this...

business.

♪♪

-What you guys doing?
-Quiet.

She concentrating
on my science homework.

Hey, hey, hey,
get a few wrong

so that they know I did it.
[ Chuckles ]

You know that's the Stunts'
brand and everything, so...

Stunts, it's actually
pretty interesting.

If you just --
-Pass.

So, uh,
where's Dr. Bow at?

I got a weird mole
I want to show her.

She's meeting
with Mrs. Keeley.

You're letting Mom go to
a parent-teacher conference?

Ugh, rookie move.

Are you supposed
to have street smarts?

We told her
that they stopped doing

parent-teacher conferences
years ago.

Yeah.

She also believes
we don't get grades

during the month
of Ramadan.

Look, the point is,

she's going
to embarrass you,

like when she dances.

And it's gonna be sad...

like when she dances.

She's just talking
to a teacher.

How bad can it be?

♪♪

What's the deal-y,
Mrs. Keeley?

Give me the real-y.
[ Laughs ]

I've got 40 more parents
after this. Oh, that's fine.

Yep. Mm-hmm.

Here's some of Kyra's
most recent test scores.

Oh, okay.

[ Groaning ]

Oh, my goodness.

Oh! She aced these!

Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckles ] Oh. Uh-oh.

Got that one wrong,
right there, actually.

There's only
114 elements,

unless they added four
that I don't know about.

[ Chuckles ]
They did.

They --
They, uh --

Oh. Okay. Well...

guess that's why
you're the teacher...

...and I am the doctor.
[ Chuckles ]

So anyway...

Kyra has a real aptitude
for chemistry.

I mean,
she's really drawn to it.

She gets that from me.
Yeah.

I mean, I know she's only
been with us

for, like,
a short amount of time,

but I make
a big impression.

I can see that.
[ Chuckles ] Is it the shoulders?

Giveaway? [ Laughs ]
Brr!

So, there is
a magnet school nearby

that I think
she'd be great for.

That's incredible.

Oh, my God,
she must be so excited.

Oh, no.
She is not into it.

What?!
Every time I bring it up,

she blows me off.
Huh.

I just can't
get through to her.

Well, I-I will
talk to her

because this is --
this is a big opportunity.

I will tell her how attractive
a magnet school can be.

Oh, my God, I didn't even know
I just did that.

Did you hear that?
[ Laughs ]

Thank you, Dr. Johnson.

Yep. Yep, okay.

I'll try one more.
Thank you.

Hey -- Ooh.

♪♪

Ah!

Tough afternoon, huh?

Yeah, but you learned
to listen to me

and not ignore
my years of experience.

You won't
do that again.

No, I won't.
Mm.

I just thought
I had a good idea.

Of course you didn't!

You haven't had
a good idea in a while.

Like, leaving Howard...
[ Chuckles ]

...that shirt.

Come on, son.
You're right.

I really feel like
I stepped on some toes.

Charlie won't stop
texting me GIFs

of people getting
knocked out.

Look, this is
a teachable moment.

You messed up,

but you can make it right

by working twice as hard.

You're not gonna
be a superstar overnight.

Ah!
There's our superstar!

What?

Junior, the client
loved your tag line.

Really?
Yeah, they did.

And I said there's
nobody we'll find

who says it
better than you.

So, we're just
gonna have you record it.

Now,
important question --

do you have an agent?

Uh, no.

Perfect! Yeah.

We'll just have you sign
a standard Motown Contract.

Oh.
But he has to get our coffees first, right?

Please, please.

We'll get someone less
important for that job.

Uh, Josh!
-Yes, boss?

-You're on coffee.
-[ Dejectedly ] Yes, boss...

Take notice, Dre.

One day, we could all
be working for your son.

[ Chuckles ]

Great shirt.
Thank you.

It's okay, Dad.

Look at this
as a teachable moment.

A good idea
can come from anywhere...

Yeah.

♪♪

-Mom!
-Yeah?

-Big news!
-Ooh!

-Medium news.
-Tell me.

I am the new voice of
the Southland Mutual campaign!

What?!

Oh, my God!

That is huge!

Voiceover.

-Yep.
-Okay, d-do me a favor.

Say this for me.

[ Dramatically ]
"Previously, on 'Top Chef'..."

-Previous--
-Okay, it's not huge, okay?

The client just liked

a little pitch that he made,
all right,

so he's just
recording a demo.

It's nothing
to congratulate him about. Congratulations!

It's nothing
to congratulate -- Thanks, Mom.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and find out

how much bank
Flo the Progressive lady makes.

-All right.
-That is being proactive.

-Whoo!
-[ Laughs ]

All right.
That's exciting.

This is terrifying.
What?

The whole point of me
taking him to work with me during his gap year

was so that he could get
some real-life experience.

It sounds like
that's what he's getting.

Getting lucky
is not real-life experience. [ Sighs ]

What happens
when the luck runs out.

How do you know
his luck's gonna run out?

It's luck, Bow!
That's what it does.

Oh, my God.

That's why Pops was
so hard on me growing up,

because he didn't want me
to get caught off guard

when the other shoe
dropped.

I thought
Pops was hard on you

because you look so much
like Ruby around the eyes.

That didn't help.
Mm.

But Pops was right.

You know, maybe Junior
does well tomorrow. Mm.

He gets signed,
he makes some money,

he impresses a girl.
[ Gasps ]

But the girl only likes him
because he's on a hot streak.

Voice work runs out,
so does the girl.

Now he can't sleep.

Stress builds!
He needs a nightcap!

The booze doesn't work,
so he turns to medicine.

Medicine turns to pills,

and the pills
he thinks is good

because they come
from a doctor.

Are you on pills
right now?

No, I'm not
on pills, Bow.

I'm just thinking
about our son

ending up in front of
a hardware store,

trying to earn $10
the best way that he can!

Okay. Yeah.

You are ridiculous.

-Me? I'm ridiculous?
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Okay,
s-sex for money, Bow!

Or him helping
somebody build a deck!

Either way, our son's gonna
be wearing tight shorts!

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, Special K.

That's a drug reference,
Dr. Bow.

Is it?

I knew that.
[ Chuckles ]

I came in here to talk to you
about getting high...

on opportunity.

[ Laughs ]

Yeah, sweetheart, listen.

Um, so,
Mrs. Keeley told me

about
the magnet school.

[ Whispering ]
I'm so excited.

So she also told you
I'm not interested.

[ Louder ]
What?! Why not?

No, Kyra, this is a chance
to get a leg up in life.

You -- You got to --

You got to take these
opportunities when they come.

I just see so much

untapped potential...
Untapped potential.

...in you,

and it's just that
you're -- you're a

leader, not a follower.
Leader, not a follower.

Yes.

Yes.

And I-I just think

you would really
benefit from --

A change of scenery.

Maybe.

Ooh, my girl's psychic,
psychic.

That's not
what psychic is...

Yeah, I've heard
these speeches a lot.

Kyra, I just...

I feel like
you should change schools.

I think you should be somewhere
that has more to offer.

I'm good
right where I'm at.

-Kyra...
-I know what's best for me.

You don't even
really know me.

I know you!

What's
my middle name?

-Ah -- Psh, ah --
-Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

What's her
favorite color?

Uh...
[ Blows raspberry] Ah!

[ Laughs ]

Turquoise...for both.
What?

Kyra...Turquoise

loves turquoise.

-Come on.
-Okay.

Up we go.
All right.

Well, listen,
I -- Okay. We're just gonna

I just want
to be honest, though. Yeah.

I am terrible
with middle names.

I do not even know if I gave
Devante a middle name,

so it's not like
I would've asked you that. Yeah.

-Mm-hmm.
-Okay. So...

Dre: So Junior was set
to record the voiceover,

and I knew the right thing
to do as a father

was to root for him to fail,

and it looked like
it was happening

in front of the client and all.

[ Metal creaking ]

I...am so sorry.

Don't worry about it.
Let's try one.

-All right.
-Okay.

Hey, give it
your best shot, son.

All right.
[ Exhales sharply ]

Southland Mutual --

It's your money...

Yeah.

Perfect.
What?

You nailed it!
What?!

Did I get the job?
No.

Yes. You're the voice
of Southland Mutual.

-All right!
-But he only did it o--

Dre! Right, the client's happy,
we're happy.

Hey, that's lunch,
everybody!

Josh!
-All right!

[ Metal clangs ]

What?

♪♪

[ Clicks tongue ]
Yes, okay.

What's all this?
Everything you need

to convince
a young girl

how rewarding
a life in science can be.

This is
my med school diploma,

these are
medical journals

that I've been published in,
and...

[ Clears throat ]
...an ATM receipt.

Yes, I know it's
a little crass, but...

it's proof.

I get paid.
I mean, it's a --

it's a little low 'cause
we just paid the property tax,

but you see how --
Look at that.

All of this
is to convince Kyra

that she should transfer
to the magnet school.

Come on, Mom.

Her school is where Stunts
and all her friends are.

[ Cellphone clicks ]

Look how happy she is.

[ Indistinct talking,
music plays on cellphone ]

Rainbow: Oh, wow.
Check that out.

[ Laughter ]

She does look happy.

Yeah, I guess that would
be hard, you know,

leaving all your friends,
starting all over again.

Exactly.

Why do you think I haven't
applied to clown college?

Because I got
the grades.

Oh, look,
you're in this one. Diane: Kyra, you guys,

Ooh! Oh, you do not
need to see th-- Oh!

"I'm Dr. Johnson.
I keep on having babies

even though
I know how bodies work.

And I get paid!
[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]
I mean, that --

that could've been
any Dr. Johnson.

[ Chuckles ]

I haven't had a baby
in two years, little girl!

♪♪

Stevens: That put out
the fire completely.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

Hey!
There he is.

Hey, we're just having some,
uh, celebration cake for Junior.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Yesterday, he was
a lowly intern.

Today, he's the voice
of a regional bank.

-Mm.
-Uh-huh.

And tomorrow,
we'll be staying

at Circus Circus
in Las Vegas.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Whispering ]
Check your inbox.

There's a bill for a two-night
stay at Circus Circus.

So you guys
are just...

handing out cake now?

Dre, you once demanded cake
when you parked really good.

I backed in.

D-Dad, just have
a slice of cake.

No, I'm -- I'm good, son.
Thank you.

-Come on, Dre.
-Hey, I'm a diabetic.

That didn't stop you
when we had that cake

that was shaped
like a pair of Jordans.

You ate the laces like you were
"Lady and the Tramp."

Okay, well,
y-you know what, man?

I'm -- I'm more of
a cookies kind of guy.

That's your favorite
topping for cakes.

-[ Chuckles ]
-Dad, just have a small piece.

I don't want the damn cake,
all right!

[ Dish clatters ]

What is your problem?!

First,
I can't speak up.

And then I do say something
and kill it twice,

and you still
can't give it up for me!

Why can't you celebrate
my success

for even a second?!

You know what?
It's whatever.

♪♪

Wow, Dre.

You are a bad dad.

And I never felt
so close to you in my life.

We're gonna
get through this.

[ Door closes ]
Oh...

Hey, Pops.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

I knew I should've read
the paper in the library.

Go ahead.

Look, when I get bored,
I'm leaving. Okay.

So you may have heard
that Junior's had

a little
overnight success.

Yeah.

Already borrowed
100 bucks from him.

[ Chuckles ]
He thought it was a loan.

[ Laughs ]

Mm.

So what's
the problem?

Me.

I basically hated on him
every step of the way.

All I was worried about

was making sure
he was ready for failure,

but, Pops...

he hasn't failed.
Oh...

I never had
that problem with you.

You're in uncharted waters, boy.
Hmm.

So I'm supposed to just keep
preparing him for failure?

Yeah, if you want
to be a good father.

The world is hard.

That means you got
to be hard on him

so that nothing in life
sneaks up on him. Hmm.

Catches him off guard.
Mm-hmm.

Like, uh...

when you made
the football team.

Oh, man,
I was so excited.

I ran inside
to tell you,

and all you could say was
I was too small and too fat

and was never
gonna play.

And I was right.

You never did play

because you were too small
and too fat.

Ah...

Everybody called me
Mini-Fridge. See!

I kept it real
with you, son.

'Cause I knew the world was
gonna keep it real with you.

[ Exhaling ] Yeah...

Yeah.

And...

it wouldn't have killed me
to let you have your moment.

Really?

Oh, yeah, son.

It was a big deal
that you made the team

on account of your height
and your weight.

Thank you, Pops.

Mm-hmm.

Say, you know what?
Maybe it's not too late for me

to have this conversation
with Junior about -- [ Groans ]

It's -- it's -- I --
Oh, good Lord.

Good talking
to you, too.

[ Door closes ]

♪♪

Hey, Kyra!

I got your laundry!

That's not my laundry.
It's Diane's.

Oh...silly me.

Oh! [ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm here,
so let's talk.

So...
[ Exhales deeply ]

I think I know why
you don't want to transfer.

You don't want to leave
your friends behind.

Nice try, but I really
just don't want to

start all over again.
Start all over again.

What?

No. Mnh-mnh.

I just feel like I've

had enough change already.
Had enough change already.

Stop it.
Mm.

I just --
I'm just saying that --

That you don't want
to leave your friends

and your school?

Because they're the only
constant things

you've had
in your life?

Maybe.

I know it's hard to leave
everything that you know,

but...what if we find you
a great school

where you already
know people?

What are you
talking about?

Bow-Bow's got ideas.

♪♪

[ Insects chirping ]

Hey, son.
How's it going?

Are you drinking?

Nah, it's a mocktail.

Helps take
the edge off.

[ Slurps ]

Smooth.
Ah.

Well, maybe

it'll pair well
with this.

But, Dad, I had cake.

The problem was
you wouldn't have any.

Damn it, son,
I'm trying, okay?!

It's called
a grand gesture!

It -- Forget it.

[ Cupcake splats ]

Look, son...

I just want to say
that I'm proud of you.

You know, you spoke up
at work,

you spoke --
Oh, yeah, man, it just --

It just felt like the right
thing to do, you know.

Okay, but that's not
what I'm proud of.

All right.

But after that,

you got a shot at recording.
Thanks, Dad.

You know, it -- it really
just clicked when I --

But that's not what
I'm proud of, either.

You got lucky, and
they liked what you did,

and you got the gig.

So...are you
proud of that?

Yes, fool! Yes!

Look.

I was raised by a father
who could only see

the bad things
that could happen.

You know, did that help
with my career?

For sure.

But then I got caught up

in only seeing
the bad things

that could happen
with you,

and I missed out

on the good things
that did happen.

Son, I just
want to say that...

you did great
this week.

♪♪

Can I pour you one?

It's just Sprite and,
uh, Tummy Time Tea,

but, uh,
it'll get you there.

Get me where?
Eh, you know what?

Never mind.

That'll be fine.
I'll take it.

Neat.

Rainbow: Hi!

Guess what, guys!

Kyra has decided

to apply
to Valley Glen Prep.

-What?
-Cool!

Remember who was
there first.

They have a great
science program,

and she's gonna be there
with people that she knows,

'cause of
Jack and Diane.

-Yay!
-Yay!

Such surprising
and expensive news.

And maybe Junior
can donate

some of that
Southland Mutual money.

Ooh.
Yeah!

No!

Yeah!
Okay --

No!

Yeah!!
Dre.

Maybe...

♪♪

Turn off the light, man.

I got to get up
at 5:00 a.m.

Stevens needs a ton of copies
first thing,

and I still got to hook up
Charlie's hippopota-printer.

What a dingus.

Bet you can't wait to not have
to work for those jerks anymore.

Honestly, as crazy
as that place is,

I really enjoy being around
the whole creative process.

You think maybe you
want to major in advertising

when you go to college?

You know...

I don't really know if
I want to go to college anymore.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Groans loudly ]

What's wrong?

[ Straining ]
I don't know what it is.

I just know that it's bad.

Oh, my God!

[ Groans ]

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