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♪ light synth music ♪
2
00:00:03,567 --> 00:00:05,234
♪ singers harmonizing ♪
3
00:00:05,317 --> 00:00:07,859
♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
4
00:00:07,943 --> 00:00:10,275
[Blair] Previously,
on Black Monday...
5
00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:12,317
You borrowed money from actual
villains who will cripple us.
6
00:00:12,401 --> 00:00:14,192
[Mo] All you have to do is
keep Blair in the dark
7
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,901
until he marries
that Georgina chick.
8
00:00:15,984 --> 00:00:17,317
- Hi there!
- [Dawn] I didn't hate
9
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:18,526
your Blair plan; I hated
that you didn't tell me!
10
00:00:18,609 --> 00:00:19,859
How do you guys
get it done?
11
00:00:19,943 --> 00:00:20,943
I just don't feel like
there's enough
12
00:00:21,025 --> 00:00:22,317
- hours in the day.
- Cocaine.
13
00:00:22,401 --> 00:00:23,442
Should I try some?
14
00:00:23,526 --> 00:00:24,901
♪ intense music ♪
15
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,609
You know what?
Fuck your dad!
16
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,150
I would rather
fuck my father!
17
00:00:28,234 --> 00:00:30,859
I broke up with Tiff!
18
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,651
[Melle Mel's "White Lines"
plays over speakers]
19
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:38,150
♪♪♪
20
00:00:38,234 --> 00:00:40,359
[voices whooping]
21
00:00:40,442 --> 00:00:42,192
♪ Bass ♪
22
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,067
♪ Ooh ey ♪
23
00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:44,526
♪♪♪
24
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,317
♪ Work ♪
25
00:00:46,401 --> 00:00:49,025
♪ Ooh, white lines ♪
26
00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:50,901
♪ Vision,
dreams of passion ♪
27
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,359
♪ Blowin' through my mind ♪
28
00:00:53,442 --> 00:00:55,526
♪ And all the while,
I think of you... ♪
29
00:00:55,609 --> 00:00:57,609
I'm not getting a real
"I made a huge mistake
30
00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,484
and I'm rushing back to
my fiancée" vibe off him.
31
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,150
I mean, it's gonna be tough
to do the Georgina play
32
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:04,567
- without the Georgina.
- Nah, it's fine.
33
00:01:04,651 --> 00:01:06,859
You know, it's--He's just
making cash for the first time.
34
00:01:06,943 --> 00:01:09,067
I mean, you remember
the moneymoon period, Dawn.
35
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,734
[Mo] He'll get sick
of this shit.
36
00:01:10,818 --> 00:01:12,150
- [snorting]
- [Mo] It's like when the nuns
37
00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:13,401
caught me smoking.
38
00:01:13,484 --> 00:01:15,150
They locked me in the closet.
39
00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:16,943
They made me smoke a whole
carton of cigarettes
40
00:01:17,025 --> 00:01:18,150
till I didn't want another
fuckin' cigarette
41
00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:20,275
- as long as I lived.
- Hmm.
42
00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:22,401
- ♪ Ticket to ride... ♪
- [Dawn] Fuck this.
43
00:01:22,484 --> 00:01:24,234
It's been a month, Mo.
We gotta step in.
44
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,109
No, no, no--he's gonna
get it outta his system.
45
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,609
Don't worry about it.
46
00:01:27,693 --> 00:01:29,109
- [thump]
- [gasps]
47
00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:31,067
- Come on, Blair.
- [Dawn] Come on.
48
00:01:31,150 --> 00:01:33,150
- [Mo] Yeah. Ha. Hey, hey, kid.
- [Dawn] Oh, yeah--
49
00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:34,943
[Dawn]
Guys he's gonna be okay?
50
00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:36,984
[Mo] Oh, good. You gave us
quite a scare, Blair!
51
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,067
[chuckling] Hey, buddy,
I'd say being dead
52
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:40,651
for a song and a half
kinda qualifies
53
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,234
as hittin' rock bottom,
don't ya think?
54
00:01:42,317 --> 00:01:44,234
[Dawn] Hey, maybe we should
call Tiff?
55
00:01:44,317 --> 00:01:45,192
- [Mo] Let's call Tiff, buddy.
- [Dawn] Let's call her.
56
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:46,526
Let's call her.
57
00:01:46,609 --> 00:01:49,317
[wheezy inhale]
Fuck that bitch.
58
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,776
♪♪♪
♪ Rang dang diggedy ♪
59
00:01:54,859 --> 00:01:55,776
♪ Dang di-dang ♪
60
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,693
Okay. "Fuck that bitch"
isn't the best start,
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00:01:59,776 --> 00:02:02,025
but Blair is a puss.
62
00:02:02,109 --> 00:02:03,984
Deep down,
he still loves Tiff.
63
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,150
We just have to remind him of
that, and he'll take her back.
64
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:07,651
I'm way ahead of you.
65
00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:09,234
And these are...
66
00:02:09,317 --> 00:02:11,234
Contestants
for the Manhattan Pageant.
67
00:02:11,317 --> 00:02:13,859
Jesus. Are you still
doing that dumb shit?
68
00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:15,901
Dawn, it's a venerable
Wall Street tradition
69
00:02:15,984 --> 00:02:17,567
to auction off the most
eligible pit trader.
70
00:02:17,651 --> 00:02:19,150
Look, just because
I moved upstairs
71
00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,109
doesn't mean I forgot
where I came from.
72
00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:22,567
It's a very
prestigious honor
73
00:02:22,651 --> 00:02:24,025
to be asked to emcee
this thing, you know.
74
00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:25,776
- You're emceeing?
- [laughs] Hey,
75
00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:27,734
well, when you set the all-time
auction record, baby...
76
00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:29,401
By having a couple of
trick hos,
77
00:02:29,484 --> 00:02:31,442
as in tricka-mo-niasis?
78
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,442
get into a bidding war over you
with your money?
79
00:02:33,526 --> 00:02:36,109
It's for charity!
The Afghani Mujahideen are
80
00:02:36,192 --> 00:02:38,109
in the fight for their lives
with these Russian bastards.
81
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,818
Fine, fine, fine.
What does this have to do with
82
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,275
getting Blair and Tiff
back together?
83
00:02:41,359 --> 00:02:42,484
It is a honeypot, Dawn.
84
00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:43,901
A honeypot?
85
00:02:43,984 --> 00:02:46,693
Hogan's Heroes.
Classic con.
86
00:02:46,776 --> 00:02:49,275
Look, we just have to
convince Blair
87
00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:51,567
that Tiff is dating
a newer, hotter guy.
88
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:53,567
He's gonna get jealous,
and he's gonna want her back.
89
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:57,192
And there is no hotter guy
than Jackson Polack.
90
00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:59,442
Ha. Yeah, the traders
call him that
91
00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,609
because he's Polish and he
splatter-painted half the town.
92
00:03:01,693 --> 00:03:03,067
[scoffs]
93
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,734
Ehh. I get it.
94
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,651
Face: ten.
Body: ten.
95
00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,359
Brains: Polish joke.
96
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:10,275
Exactly. Guy'll do
anything for a buck.
97
00:03:10,359 --> 00:03:11,776
- [zipper whines]
- Foolproof.
98
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,234
So your plan is foolproof
99
00:03:13,317 --> 00:03:14,609
because it worked
on a sit-com?
100
00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:16,651
Everything
works on a sit-com.
101
00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,651
There's two different TV shows
with little black midgets
102
00:03:18,734 --> 00:03:20,025
playing
rich white people's kids.
103
00:03:20,109 --> 00:03:21,484
- Come on!
- [laughs/huffs]
104
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,693
Can we just please
try it my way for once?
105
00:03:23,776 --> 00:03:26,442
Let's just talk to the kid
about the power of love.
106
00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:28,442
The Huey Lewis song?
How's that gonna help?
107
00:03:28,526 --> 00:03:30,234
Keith!
108
00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:32,150
Yo! What's up, boss?
109
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:35,609
Is...so weird
calling a chick a boss.
110
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,150
It's the weirdest thing
that's ever happened to me.
111
00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:40,693
Yeah, it's crazy.
Listen, I need you to take
112
00:03:40,776 --> 00:03:42,234
these big payments
over to the Yakuza.
113
00:03:42,317 --> 00:03:43,651
Little behind on my loans.
114
00:03:43,734 --> 00:03:46,651
Uh, Do- Mo arigato...
115
00:03:46,734 --> 00:03:48,484
- Stop it, please.
- Jesus Christ.
116
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:49,818
You know, actually,
I have tics to a show tonight,
117
00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,275
so maybe I can
drop this off tomorrow?
118
00:03:51,359 --> 00:03:53,234
Oh, yeah, that's no problem.
119
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,275
I don't mind getting my dick
teppanyaki'd by the Yakuza
120
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:57,192
- [Dawn laughing]
- 'cause you wanna go see
121
00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:59,109
Starlight Express
for the tenth fucking time.
122
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:00,693
It's layered, okay?
Ha.
123
00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:02,943
The whole show is actually
a young boy's dream
124
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,859
as he kind of teeters
on the cusp of manhood
125
00:04:05,943 --> 00:04:08,109
[sighs] Ah. Fine.
126
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,317
Is it me,
or is he getting weirder?
127
00:04:12,401 --> 00:04:14,526
He's definitely getting
whiter.
128
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,275
- Thank you, Kyle.
- [beep beep]
129
00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:22,401
It's so cool
you live in a hotel.
130
00:04:22,484 --> 00:04:24,150
- You're like Eloise.
- [soft R&B on stereo]
131
00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:26,359
I don't know who that chick is,
but, yeah, it's pretty nice.
132
00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:28,401
You know, it's just temporary,
till I get my own place.
133
00:04:28,484 --> 00:04:30,359
- I been lookin' around.
- For the last 15 years.
134
00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:32,901
Do they give you, like,
a monthly rate or something?
135
00:04:32,984 --> 00:04:34,192
Mm-hmm.
136
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,234
So Blair, how are you?
137
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,109
I can't imagine
how hard it must be
138
00:04:38,192 --> 00:04:40,025
to be apart from
the love of your life.
139
00:04:40,109 --> 00:04:41,776
Iiiit's pretty great.
140
00:04:41,859 --> 00:04:43,192
Yeah. Yeah.
141
00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:44,359
- Yeah?
- Tiff's been living
142
00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:45,943
with her parents uptown,
so I get to do
143
00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:48,025
- whatever, whenever.
- [Mo laughing]
144
00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,192
Last night,
I ordered ethnic food.
145
00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:51,984
- Oh, hard to argue with that!
- Oh!
146
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:53,401
[both chuckle]
147
00:04:53,484 --> 00:04:57,359
But I will, because,
Blair, love is dope.
148
00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:59,150
Ah, exactly.
Ethnic food--
149
00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:01,109
you know, it gets old.
150
00:05:01,192 --> 00:05:03,734
Except falafels. Now, those
fuckers are built to last.
151
00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:05,651
Like true love.
152
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:07,609
You know? And it
doesn't come around often.
153
00:05:07,693 --> 00:05:09,526
Trust us: you don't
wanna be the 40-year-old guy
154
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,859
in the club that everybody
feels bad for.
155
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:13,859
Well, I-I don't know
that they feel bad for the guy
156
00:05:13,943 --> 00:05:15,776
so much as they wanna
high-five him, you know,
157
00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:17,401
for not settling.
158
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,984
You know what I'm talking
about, right?
159
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:20,818
No! Blair
wouldn't be settling.
160
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,651
I mean,
Tiff is his soul mate
161
00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:25,025
just like Spencer
is my soul mate.
162
00:05:25,109 --> 00:05:26,776
I agree with the Tiff
part of that sentence.
163
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,192
I'm just saying that,
you know,
164
00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:30,109
sometimes it's brave
to be alone
165
00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:32,442
instead of, you know,
settling for the first
166
00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:34,776
lame-ass doctor
that you lay eyes on
167
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:36,734
that satisfies your parents
but not you.
168
00:05:36,818 --> 00:05:38,317
Sexually.
169
00:05:38,401 --> 00:05:40,192
I'm sorry--is Tiff
the limp dick doctor
170
00:05:40,275 --> 00:05:42,025
- in this scenario?
- You know what?
171
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,818
It is brave to not
jump off a roof
172
00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,609
when your best friend
is a robot.
173
00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:47,442
Well, if Short Circuit
has taught us anything--
174
00:05:47,526 --> 00:05:50,192
Blair, everyone needs
someone to share life with,
175
00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:52,484
someone to share
a bottle of wine with
176
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,192
at the end of a shitty day
and toast to not...
177
00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:57,109
dying alone
in a hotel room.
178
00:05:57,192 --> 00:05:59,609
With a fuck machine in...
179
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,526
- [Mo] Jesus Christ.
- [Dawn] A coke-induced haze--
180
00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:02,734
- [Dawn] What the fuck?
- [Blair] What the fuck?
181
00:06:02,818 --> 00:06:04,693
Yeah.
That the fuck.
182
00:06:04,776 --> 00:06:06,275
I'm sorry that you had to find
out like this, kid, all right?
183
00:06:06,359 --> 00:06:09,025
I got a friend over at
Page Six, the socialite beat.
184
00:06:09,109 --> 00:06:11,234
Is Tiff like out there?
185
00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:13,067
Yeah, I'm afraid so, champ.
Word on the street--
186
00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:14,984
this guy's hung like a hose.
187
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,150
You mean horse.
188
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:17,734
I do not.
189
00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:19,401
I mean, I know I broke up
with her,
190
00:06:19,484 --> 00:06:21,901
but I just didn't expect...
this
191
00:06:21,984 --> 00:06:24,317
this soon--
I--[stammers]
192
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,484
- I gotta go find her.
- Yeah.
193
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,234
'Scuse me.
194
00:06:27,317 --> 00:06:28,984
See ya, buddy.
195
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:30,651
- [door closes]
- [laughing] Right?
196
00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:32,442
- Mission accomplished.
- No.
197
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,567
Let's go celebrate.
Cedar Tavern.
198
00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:35,067
What do you say?
199
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:36,401
I am going home
to my husband.
200
00:06:36,484 --> 00:06:38,359
You wanna bag all this up
for him?
201
00:06:38,442 --> 00:06:40,526
You know, I appreciate
a man with hips.
202
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:43,526
Oh, good.
'Cause he's got those.
203
00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:45,859
Enjoy fucking Kyle.
204
00:06:45,943 --> 00:06:46,984
Jealous!
205
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,109
[door opens, thuds shut]
206
00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:50,693
[soft R&B continues]
207
00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:52,359
- [beep beep]
- Y-you can't take
208
00:06:52,442 --> 00:06:53,526
that kinda shit to heart, Kyle.
209
00:06:53,609 --> 00:06:55,484
Just let it roll off your back.
210
00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:57,025
♪ The Cars' "Drive" plays ♪
211
00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:58,275
[beep beep]
212
00:06:58,359 --> 00:07:00,567
♪♪♪
213
00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:03,025
Tiff?
214
00:07:03,109 --> 00:07:04,693
♪♪♪
215
00:07:04,776 --> 00:07:08,234
- Spence?
- In the bedroom, babe.
216
00:07:08,317 --> 00:07:10,275
♪♪♪
217
00:07:10,359 --> 00:07:13,526
Hey, bring us
a bottle of wine, yeah?
218
00:07:13,609 --> 00:07:16,484
["Drive" continues]
219
00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:19,442
♪♪♪
220
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:23,192
♪ Who's gonna
tell you when ♪
221
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:26,192
♪ It's too late ♪
222
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,943
Kyle? I'm home.
223
00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:30,901
Kyle?
224
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,734
♪ Who's gonna tell you
things ♪
225
00:07:34,818 --> 00:07:38,150
♪ Aren't so great? ♪
226
00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:41,776
♪♪♪
227
00:07:41,859 --> 00:07:43,526
Papa Bear, I've been naughty--
228
00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:45,359
Hey!
229
00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:46,818
I thought we were gonna
get busy.
230
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,359
Oh, babe, I'm so full,
I can hardly move.
231
00:07:49,442 --> 00:07:51,025
[chuckles]
232
00:07:51,109 --> 00:07:54,359
You can do stuff to me
if you like.
233
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,609
♪ Who's gonna
drive you home ♪
234
00:07:55,693 --> 00:07:56,859
Mm-mm.
235
00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,526
♪ Tonight? ♪
236
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:04,693
♪♪♪
237
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,734
♪ Who's gonna pick you up ♪
238
00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:10,609
[Tiff] Would you get me
a paper towel?
239
00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:12,317
- Dip it in some cold water.
- [Jackson] I'll even
240
00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,067
- wipe it off of you.
- Ooh! You don't wanna
241
00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:15,776
lick it off?
242
00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:18,067
And...scene.
That felt really good.
243
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:20,609
You think Body Heat's
a weird movie to audition with?
244
00:08:20,693 --> 00:08:22,567
[Tiff] I just really wanna get
into this acting class.
245
00:08:22,651 --> 00:08:25,150
Maybe I'd loosen up
if we had sex again.
246
00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:26,567
- Ah.
- Yeah. Then we can clean up
247
00:08:26,651 --> 00:08:28,776
all the laundry
that we knocked over
248
00:08:28,859 --> 00:08:30,484
- when we had sex in the hall.
- [Jackson] Yes! Ohh...
249
00:08:30,567 --> 00:08:32,401
[both moaning]
250
00:08:32,484 --> 00:08:34,442
♪ To your dreams... ♪
251
00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:35,776
- [Tiff] Rrr!
- [Jackson] Rrr!
252
00:08:35,859 --> 00:08:38,693
[Tiff] Ah...ahh!
253
00:08:38,776 --> 00:08:40,943
Mo, we've got a problem.
254
00:08:41,025 --> 00:08:43,317
Yeah, you're damn right
we do--the Yakuza killed Kyle!
255
00:08:43,401 --> 00:08:44,943
- [gasps]
- Where the fuck is Keith?
256
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,859
- I been trying him all night!
- He just skipped in
257
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,234
singing show tunes.
258
00:08:48,317 --> 00:08:50,234
Look at this shit.
I had it translated.
259
00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:51,818
It's something
Kyle would have done.
260
00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:53,275
He loves languages--
Loved languages.
261
00:08:53,359 --> 00:08:54,818
Oh, fuck me!
262
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,067
- They never got their money?
- No!
263
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,609
- Keith!
- Keith!
264
00:08:58,693 --> 00:09:00,359
Hey.
You screamed?
265
00:09:00,442 --> 00:09:02,442
What happened with the drop?
266
00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:04,526
The Yakuza never got
their fucking cash!
267
00:09:04,609 --> 00:09:06,234
Whaaat? That doesn't
make any sen--
268
00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:07,651
You just save it
for the Yakuza
269
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,943
that I'm sending to your house
to get their money
270
00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:13,401
outta the fillings in your
children's goddamn teeth!
271
00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:14,776
That's pretty dark.
Your Rachel's godfather.
272
00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:16,442
- Go handle it!
- On it.
273
00:09:16,526 --> 00:09:18,275
Mo, I'm sorry.
274
00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:21,234
All robocide aside,
but we've got bigger issues.
275
00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:22,984
Bigger than me getting
my dick chopped off?
276
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:24,901
You're gonna be broke.
277
00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:26,901
♪ edgy music ♪
278
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,859
[laughs]
279
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,109
This fuckin' day!
280
00:09:31,192 --> 00:09:32,567
♪♪♪
281
00:09:32,651 --> 00:09:33,984
What the fuck
did you do?
282
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,526
The Yakuza
didn't get their money.
283
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,526
I asked you to do
one simple thing.
284
00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:40,651
- Whaaa--
- Oh, don't "whaaat?" me!
285
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:42,442
'Cause I was just in there
"whaaat"ing Mo!
286
00:09:42,526 --> 00:09:44,025
Look, this chick Geena
I been mackin' on
287
00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:46,818
beeped me 69-1-1.
That's an oral emergency.
288
00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:48,693
- I had Wayne do it.
- [laughs] Wayne?
289
00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:50,401
- Yeah.
- Wayne's a test tube baby!
290
00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:51,901
Why the fuck
would you do that?
291
00:09:51,984 --> 00:09:53,901
Same reason you had me do it,
so you could go see
292
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,734
fuckin' Starlight Express
again?
293
00:09:55,818 --> 00:09:57,317
- [line ringing]
- It's layered, okay?
294
00:09:57,401 --> 00:09:58,651
Greaseball represents
the twilight of the...
295
00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:00,484
[together] Industrial
Revolution...
296
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,526
- before it got--
[Wayne] You got the Wayniac.
297
00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:03,526
The Yakuza
didn't get their money!
298
00:10:03,609 --> 00:10:05,526
- Whaaaat?
- [Keith] No. Nope, Wayne.
299
00:10:05,609 --> 00:10:07,401
- Where the fuck are you?
- [Wayne] Home sick.
300
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:09,734
[sniffles] Jeez!
Hey, unrelated to that,
301
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,651
I just wanted to
let you guys know
302
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,818
how much fun I've had
workin' with you.
303
00:10:13,901 --> 00:10:16,734
You're not just good.
304
00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:18,526
- You're golden.
- Are you dying?
305
00:10:18,609 --> 00:10:21,025
Is that the Golden Grahams
slogan?
306
00:10:21,109 --> 00:10:22,859
[PA] This is the final
boarding call for flight...
307
00:10:22,943 --> 00:10:25,526
Wayne...are you at LaGuardia?
308
00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:27,526
No, man, I told ya,
I'm at the movies.
309
00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:29,651
You just said
you were home sick.
310
00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:33,192
Tell me you did not take
the VIG money
311
00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:35,067
that we owe murderers
312
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:37,025
and put it all on
the LaGuardia Spread.
313
00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:39,317
[woodenly] This call
has been disconnected.
314
00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:40,901
- [beep]
- Fuck!
315
00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,025
Fuck!
316
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,025
What's the LaGuardia Spread?
317
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:46,109
You! Are there any
abnormally huge positions
318
00:10:46,192 --> 00:10:48,150
- open on Wayne's account? Go!
- What? Wayne's a day scalper.
319
00:10:48,234 --> 00:10:49,651
[Karen] He never trades
anything larger than--
320
00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:51,484
Oh, God!
321
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,734
Wayne's long 100,000
contracts of feeder cattle?
322
00:10:54,818 --> 00:10:56,442
- [Karen] On margin.
- [Keith] Fuck!
323
00:10:56,526 --> 00:10:58,442
What's
the LaGuardia Spread?
324
00:10:58,526 --> 00:10:59,943
My name's Karen,
by the way,
325
00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:01,567
- if you guys--
- [Keith] Shut the fuck up,
326
00:11:01,651 --> 00:11:02,776
Karen!
327
00:11:03,818 --> 00:11:05,484
[Mo] Hey, there he is.
328
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,317
- How'd it go, slugger?
- Well, it was a night
329
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:08,776
of passion between
330
00:11:08,859 --> 00:11:13,275
Tiff and this, like,
Polish centaur.
331
00:11:13,359 --> 00:11:16,567
And now she doesn't wanna
get back together with me.
332
00:11:16,651 --> 00:11:19,025
How'd she meet someone
so fast?
333
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:22,025
You have to help me.
Please?
334
00:11:22,109 --> 00:11:23,776
[Dawn] Blair, this is
totally fixable.
335
00:11:23,859 --> 00:11:26,025
You take her to
a super-romantic spot
336
00:11:26,109 --> 00:11:28,067
and just...I want you to
tell her how you feel.
337
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,442
[laughs] Yeah,
like that'll work.
338
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:32,984
Well, it worked for you.
339
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,067
You took me
to the Cedar Tavern,
340
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,609
And you poured your heart out
that night after work.
341
00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:39,192
Remember?
I hate to admit it,
342
00:11:39,275 --> 00:11:41,067
but that's what did it for me,
your vulnerable side.
343
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,859
I don't remember that.
And I don't have any sides.
344
00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,526
I'm all edge.
345
00:11:44,609 --> 00:11:46,401
You don't remember telling me
346
00:11:46,484 --> 00:11:48,401
that you were the last guy in
your junior high to get pubes
347
00:11:48,484 --> 00:11:50,859
- and how it totally defined--
- Nope. No, no, nope, nope.
348
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,693
Don't remember that.
Hey, listen, Blair.
349
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,442
You wanna get Tiff back,
you know what you need?
350
00:11:54,526 --> 00:11:56,192
Good, old-fashioned
honey pot.
351
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:58,275
- [Dawn] Ugh, God.
- Like Hogan's Heroes.
352
00:11:58,359 --> 00:12:00,317
Like Hogan's Heroes.
Exactly.
353
00:12:00,401 --> 00:12:01,776
Foolproof.
354
00:12:01,859 --> 00:12:03,651
Except when it makes
shit worse.
355
00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:05,484
Well, it worked
on you, didn't it?
356
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,025
There's no way you would
have shown up
357
00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:08,693
at Cedar Tavern that night
if you hadn't seen me
358
00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:10,484
makin' out with
that Oreo model.
359
00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:11,984
I think you're supposed
to say "mulatto" now.
360
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:15,401
Yeah. She was a print model
for Oreo Cookies, asshole.
361
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,526
Uh, no, she ate Oreos.
I mean, she was fat.
362
00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:19,067
- Jealous.
- You know what?
363
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,984
She had shit to do with it,
and fine.
364
00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:23,234
- Honeypot it is.
- Great.
365
00:12:23,317 --> 00:12:25,192
And I'll be
the honey.
366
00:12:26,984 --> 00:12:28,651
Great.
Just as I intended it.
367
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:29,984
- Great.
- [Mo] Great!
368
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:31,359
So I will get Tiff's
boyfriend
369
00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:32,859
to bring her
to watch him tonight
370
00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:34,317
in the Manhattan Pageant,
371
00:12:34,401 --> 00:12:35,484
and you two kids
can do your thing.
372
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:36,776
- Great.
- Great.
373
00:12:36,859 --> 00:12:38,275
Wait. How do you know
who he is
374
00:12:38,359 --> 00:12:39,901
or that he's in a pageant?
375
00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:41,734
Jesus Chris, kid,
did you ask this many questions
376
00:12:41,818 --> 00:12:43,150
when you watched
Hogan's Heroes?
377
00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:45,359
Yeah. It's a sit-com
that takes place
378
00:12:45,442 --> 00:12:48,109
- in a Nazi concentration camp.
- Mmm.
379
00:12:48,192 --> 00:12:49,192
That's fair.
380
00:12:50,109 --> 00:12:51,859
Remember that guy
who could fuckin' pull
381
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:53,567
the handkerchief
through his nostrils?
382
00:12:53,651 --> 00:12:55,359
Bo Melp! What happened
with that maniac?
383
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,109
Who the fuck knows?
Same thing
384
00:12:57,192 --> 00:12:58,859
with Sammy Marsh,
Len Burger, and Chippy Cox.
385
00:12:58,943 --> 00:13:00,943
When you're down to
your last stack
386
00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:02,818
and you're all outta moves,
there's always one last play
387
00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:04,651
if you're crazy enough
to try it.
388
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:06,234
You take a huge position
out on the margin--
389
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:07,859
I'm talking about
a crazy fuckin' long shot--
390
00:13:07,943 --> 00:13:09,651
you pack a bag,
you head to the airport,
391
00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:11,025
and you call the floor.
If you're lucky,
392
00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,609
you come home a hero.
If you're not,
393
00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:14,109
you don't come home ever.
394
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:16,359
You get on a plane,
and you fuckin' disappear.
395
00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:18,526
But Wayne has a family.
396
00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:20,359
- Bo Melp had two.
- [elevator bell dings]
397
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:22,317
Damn. The LaGuardia
fuckin' Spread.
398
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:23,776
That motherfucker!
399
00:13:23,859 --> 00:13:25,901
[upbeat music
plays over speakers]
400
00:13:25,984 --> 00:13:28,275
[cheers and applause]
401
00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:29,984
♪♪♪
402
00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:34,109
Wheeeere's the beef?
403
00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:36,693
Ha ha. Isn't that what
all you ladies are wonderin'?
404
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:38,484
Welcome to the motherfuckin'
405
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:42,359
43rd Annual Manhattan Pageant!
406
00:13:42,442 --> 00:13:44,067
- Whoo!
- [whistling, cheering]
407
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,776
Those of you who don't know me
408
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,609
are fulla shit,
'cause I'm a Goddamn legend.
409
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,359
- [chatter, cheering]
- I came up in these very pits
410
00:13:50,442 --> 00:13:52,359
and there is not a day
that goes by
411
00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:54,734
that I don't think how much
I hate you dumb immigrants.
412
00:13:54,818 --> 00:13:56,651
[laughter]
413
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:58,192
Okay, enough, enough, enough.
Enough foreplay.
414
00:13:58,275 --> 00:14:00,693
First up, ladies,
comin' to the stage--
415
00:14:00,776 --> 00:14:03,109
you know him, you hate him.
416
00:14:03,192 --> 00:14:04,984
He's an incredible bigot.
417
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:08,401
Flanny, the oranges'
frozen orange juice trader.
418
00:14:08,484 --> 00:14:10,359
- [Irish folk music plays]
- Look at this fucking
419
00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:11,984
alcoholic with
the Irish tan, huh?
420
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,693
He doesn't have a liver.
This is a die-er.
421
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,359
Come on, get those
paddles up, ladies.
422
00:14:16,442 --> 00:14:17,984
You better hurry up, 'cause
he's knock-knock-knockin'
423
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,901
on hell's door.
Come on, preach, Flanny.
424
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,859
You're one of the good ones,
Mo.
425
00:14:21,943 --> 00:14:23,776
- [Mo] I tell you what...
- Are the categories
426
00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:25,693
really
"man, hat" and "tan"?
427
00:14:25,776 --> 00:14:27,776
It's all very
first thought.
428
00:14:27,859 --> 00:14:29,567
A thousand, a thousand.
[muttering quickly]
429
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:30,859
1,000.
[muttering] 1,500.
430
00:14:30,943 --> 00:14:32,150
[muttering]
2,000.
431
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:33,693
You look incredible.
432
00:14:33,776 --> 00:14:36,150
Oh! Thank you!
Just, uh...
433
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,776
little something I had
434
00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:39,776
to spend my last two
paychecks on.
435
00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,317
- [both chuckling]
- [Mo] Okay, 2,000--
436
00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:42,984
Ah...
437
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,901
[Dawn] There she is.
438
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:47,984
Oh, God. I haven't
acted since college.
439
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:49,901
And the UPenn Gazette
called my performance
440
00:14:49,984 --> 00:14:52,901
as Otto Frank the worst thing
to happen to Anne Frank.
441
00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:54,776
[Dawn] Couldn't have been
that bad.
442
00:14:54,859 --> 00:14:56,359
- Just follow my lead.
- [Mo] Whoo!
443
00:14:56,442 --> 00:14:57,943
[clears throat]
444
00:14:58,025 --> 00:14:59,401
- Oh.
- [crowd cheering]
445
00:14:59,484 --> 00:15:00,943
- What about this?
- Okay.
446
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,442
Yeah, yeah.
It's natural.
447
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,776
Sold! 2,500!
448
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,234
Somebody's going home happy.
449
00:15:05,317 --> 00:15:07,025
[Mo] Those Irish eyes
are smiling!
450
00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,609
- [both chuckling]
- [Blair] I love you too.
451
00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:12,025
Uh...let's keep it goin'!
452
00:15:12,109 --> 00:15:15,484
[Muzak plays over speakers]
453
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:17,526
[whispers] Shit.
454
00:15:17,609 --> 00:15:20,192
[man] It's time for
Market Watch with Ali Greer.
455
00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:22,359
What's goin' on in those
futures pits today, Ali?
456
00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:24,317
[Ali] The U.S. Agriculture
Department
457
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,192
just released this quarter's
livestock report,
458
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,317
and it's a record surplus,
459
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:30,484
causing feeder cattle futures
to plummet.
460
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,526
Hey, bartender.
461
00:15:32,609 --> 00:15:34,359
This is my last hundred.
462
00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:37,150
I want 90 on drinks
and 20 in smokes.
463
00:15:38,192 --> 00:15:40,067
Just fuckin' do it!
464
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:43,109
[Muzak continues in background]
465
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,401
♪♪♪
466
00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:46,025
- Thank you!
- [beeping]
467
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:50,234
[line trilling]
468
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,651
Hey, honey.
Listen.
469
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,234
I'm not comin' home.
470
00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:57,401
But I wanna let you know...
[breathing hard]
471
00:15:57,484 --> 00:15:59,651
I've never loved anyone
472
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,984
as much as I loved...
473
00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:03,526
your sister!
474
00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:06,025
[laughs] I--That's right!
You were right!
475
00:16:06,109 --> 00:16:07,651
I fucked your sister!
476
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,776
It was nice!
Uh, buh-bye now!
477
00:16:10,859 --> 00:16:12,109
- [beep]
- Fuck!
478
00:16:12,192 --> 00:16:13,818
Fun fact about Fat Fred--
479
00:16:13,901 --> 00:16:15,109
You know how
he got his nickname?
480
00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:17,275
- Mean children.
- [laughter]
481
00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:19,734
- True story.
- [chatter, laughter]
482
00:16:19,818 --> 00:16:21,901
- [Blair and Dawn laughing]
- [Dawn] Dude looks like
483
00:16:21,984 --> 00:16:23,859
a John Candy version
of Soul Man.
484
00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:26,150
- [both laughing]
- Was it just me,
485
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:27,818
or was that movie
about racism
486
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:29,609
really, really racist?
487
00:16:29,693 --> 00:16:31,818
Uh, like every movie.
488
00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:34,067
[Dawn] I mean,
you've seen Teen Wolf.
489
00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:35,192
When the guy turns into
an animal,
490
00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:36,734
he starts dunking,
break-dancing,
491
00:16:36,818 --> 00:16:38,442
turning on white women,
492
00:16:38,526 --> 00:16:40,609
scaring the shit
outta white men.
493
00:16:40,693 --> 00:16:42,651
My favorite line
from that movie is,
494
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:44,567
"I'm not a fag.
I'm a werewolf."
495
00:16:44,651 --> 00:16:46,567
- [both laughing]
- Michael J.!
496
00:16:46,651 --> 00:16:49,109
[Mo] He is the reigning
rainmaker, Jack Piechowski,
497
00:16:49,192 --> 00:16:52,776
but you all know him
as Jackson Polack!
498
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:55,109
[loud cheers, applause]
499
00:16:55,192 --> 00:16:56,859
- Whoo!
- [Mo] So debonair!
500
00:16:56,943 --> 00:16:58,859
Show 'em the goods, baby.
501
00:16:58,943 --> 00:17:01,567
Oh!
502
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:05,067
[crowd chattering, hooting]
503
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,734
[Dawn] Let me tell you
something.
504
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,275
You would never wanna
be that chiseled.
505
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:09,943
- Women don't like that.
- That masculine.
506
00:17:10,025 --> 00:17:11,442
- No!
- No!
507
00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:12,442
[Mo] Let's get this
bidding going.
508
00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:14,025
I want to serve him hot.
509
00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:15,818
All right, I'm gonna
start this cat at a thou!
510
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,150
Who got a thou?
511
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:18,901
- Fifteen!
- Fifteen hundred.
512
00:17:18,984 --> 00:17:21,442
- Thank you, young lady.
- Fifteen thousand.
513
00:17:21,526 --> 00:17:23,150
[murmuring dies down]
514
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,859
- Fifteen thousand.
- [low chatter]
515
00:17:25,943 --> 00:17:27,150
Fifteen thousand.
Pretty sure that's gonna
516
00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:28,984
close out the bids right there.
517
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,109
Thank you very much.
Fifteen thousand, Jackson.
518
00:17:30,192 --> 00:17:32,192
[cheers and applause]
519
00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:33,943
Mmm. Whatever.
520
00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,901
- [Mo] Jackson!
- [man] Whoo!
521
00:17:35,984 --> 00:17:37,526
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
522
00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,150
Is that White Rain?
523
00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:41,943
Yeah. You can
smell it, huh?
524
00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:43,317
- It's really nice.
- It's like the best spray.
525
00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:44,192
[coughs]
526
00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:45,776
Hey, it's me, Wayne.
527
00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:47,901
I just wanted to say
528
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,776
you're a piece of shit,
and I've always hated you.
529
00:17:50,859 --> 00:17:53,359
You put Mom on the phone?
530
00:17:53,442 --> 00:17:55,150
Hi, Mom.
531
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:56,359
Yeah.
I know you've always
532
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,150
liked Mark best,
but guess what.
533
00:17:58,234 --> 00:18:01,150
The joke's on you,
because I outlived him.
534
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,359
Will you please put
the dog on the phone?
535
00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:06,359
[slow ballad plays]
536
00:18:06,442 --> 00:18:07,359
♪♪♪
537
00:18:07,442 --> 00:18:11,484
[Dawn giggling]
538
00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:14,317
- [ballad playing]
- [Dawn continues giggling]
539
00:18:14,401 --> 00:18:15,734
[Blair]
I know it didn't work,
540
00:18:15,818 --> 00:18:17,693
but...honeypot or not,
541
00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:19,317
I had a really great
time tonight.
542
00:18:19,401 --> 00:18:21,234
Me too.
You're cute.
543
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,025
[Dawn] You could be
the third Corey.
544
00:18:23,109 --> 00:18:24,859
[both laughing]
[Blair] Some Mo moves there.
545
00:18:24,943 --> 00:18:28,317
[ballad continues]
546
00:18:28,401 --> 00:18:29,859
[quietly] Wait, wait, wait.
Here she comes.
547
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,734
- Here she comes.
- Backin' it up.
548
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:33,526
Don't look, don't look.
549
00:18:33,609 --> 00:18:34,818
[both laughing]
550
00:18:34,901 --> 00:18:36,192
- Oh--Blair!
- [Dawn] Uh--
551
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:37,567
What are you doing here?
552
00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:39,567
Oh, I'm just, uh,
you know,
553
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,567
here supporting
the Mujahideen.
554
00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,275
Just gotta get them
as many weapons as possible.
555
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,192
- You're a good man.
- Thank you, babe.
556
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:48,359
- [Dawn] And who is this?
- I'm Jack.
557
00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:50,025
- Like the cheese.
- [Dawn] Oh!
558
00:18:50,109 --> 00:18:52,651
Young...Einstein.
559
00:18:52,734 --> 00:18:54,776
[Dawn] Impressive.
[giggles]
560
00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:57,025
- This is Dawn.
- [Tiff] Dawn, of course.
561
00:18:57,109 --> 00:18:58,234
I've heard so much
about you.
562
00:18:58,317 --> 00:18:59,609
Wow, you are beautiful.
563
00:18:59,693 --> 00:19:02,025
- Thank you.
- Ah, your husband
564
00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:03,859
- is a very lucky man.
- [laughs]
565
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,401
- Wherever he is.
- [Blair] Ha ha ha ha ha.
566
00:19:06,484 --> 00:19:08,484
[Tiff] Listen,
I just came over to say
567
00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:09,651
I don't want things to be
awkward between us, Blair.
568
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,317
And I'm hoping that
eventually
569
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,609
you and I could be friends.
570
00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:15,484
You do?
571
00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:18,901
For once in my life,
I need to focus on myself.
572
00:19:18,984 --> 00:19:20,734
On Tiff.
573
00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,609
For once.
So good-bye, Blair.
574
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:25,317
Nice to meet you.
575
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:27,401
That bow makes you look
skinny.
576
00:19:27,484 --> 00:19:29,693
[Dawn] Oh, thank you.
You should get one.
577
00:19:33,859 --> 00:19:35,317
- It didn't work!
- No--
578
00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:37,109
- I'm already in her rear-view.
- Listen, no.
579
00:19:37,192 --> 00:19:38,901
Tonight was just
the first step, you know?
580
00:19:38,984 --> 00:19:40,401
It might take a little--
581
00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:46,609
[ballad continues]
582
00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:48,651
Blair!
583
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:49,567
Tiff.
584
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,526
- Oh!
- Ah!
585
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,651
Oh, my God.
Tell me.
586
00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:57,901
Tell me that you just
brought Dawn here
587
00:19:57,984 --> 00:19:59,442
- to make me jealous.
- Yes. Did it work?
588
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,776
Of course it worked.
Oh, my God, she's so hot.
589
00:20:01,859 --> 00:20:03,275
Part of me didn't know
whether I should be jealous
590
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,401
of her or of you,
and that part of me
591
00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,275
- was my Hot Pocket.
- Yeah, your little Hot Pocket.
592
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,401
- [Blair] Yeah...
- [Mo] Hey.
593
00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:12,442
Is this wrong?
594
00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:14,317
I mean...
595
00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:16,317
Tiff's sort of the worst,
and Blair's not.
596
00:20:16,401 --> 00:20:18,317
Yeah, well, I can give you
60 million reasons
597
00:20:18,401 --> 00:20:21,150
why it's right.
598
00:20:21,234 --> 00:20:22,651
- [Blair] I missed you.
- I missed you too.
599
00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,275
- I'm sorry.
- Me too. I love you.
600
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:25,901
- I love you.
- Huh? Oh, my God.
601
00:20:25,984 --> 00:20:27,734
Is that my earring?
602
00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:29,818
Okay, I'd know that emerald-cut
emerald anywhere.
603
00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:31,234
Stop. Stop-ay.
604
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:33,025
- Earring-a?
- Oh!
605
00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:35,651
Lo siento.
Lo siento.
606
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,234
Oh, it's okay-o.
607
00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:38,275
- [murmurs]
- [Tiff] Buenas dias.
608
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:39,734
[Blair] Gracias.
609
00:20:39,818 --> 00:20:42,359
Why didn't you tell me
that you lost this?
610
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,192
You know these earrings
were the only survivors
611
00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:46,442
when my great-grandpa's
mine collapsed!
612
00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,234
I know, I'm sorry.
I didn't wanna disappoint you,
613
00:20:48,317 --> 00:20:50,317
and honestly, sometimes
you can be a little bit scary.
614
00:20:50,401 --> 00:20:51,943
I know I can, and I'm sorry.
I'm working on it
615
00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:53,150
with my numerologist.
616
00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:55,234
Look, uh, I'm sorry
I brought up
617
00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:56,859
all our old stuff,
you know?
618
00:20:56,943 --> 00:20:59,109
The past is the past.
619
00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:01,442
Well...
620
00:21:03,025 --> 00:21:05,526
What if it wasn't?
621
00:21:05,609 --> 00:21:09,109
We did such a great job
of getting them back together,
622
00:21:09,192 --> 00:21:12,484
what about...us?
You know what I mean?
623
00:21:13,984 --> 00:21:15,526
Oh, Momo.
624
00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:17,401
What?
625
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,275
That was
a long time ago,
626
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,067
and...remember?
Kinda married.
627
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,401
No, I don't remember,
okay?
628
00:21:23,484 --> 00:21:24,859
I don't ever remember that.
629
00:21:24,943 --> 00:21:26,567
That guy's a nonentity
to me.
630
00:21:26,651 --> 00:21:28,109
Okay? I mean, when was
the last time
631
00:21:28,192 --> 00:21:29,984
you had a good time
with that white boy?
632
00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:31,275
Last night.
633
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:32,401
- Last night?
- Yeah.
634
00:21:32,484 --> 00:21:33,901
Dawn, I know your
635
00:21:33,984 --> 00:21:35,401
"I had a good
time last night" face,
636
00:21:35,484 --> 00:21:37,359
- and that ain't it.
- Oh. Well, I got a new
637
00:21:37,442 --> 00:21:38,943
"good time last night"
face, that's all.
638
00:21:39,025 --> 00:21:41,109
Okay.
639
00:21:41,192 --> 00:21:43,150
Look, after I
sash and crown here,
640
00:21:43,234 --> 00:21:45,401
I'm gonna go over
to the Cedar Tavern.
641
00:21:45,484 --> 00:21:47,734
I'm gonna be there
around 10:00, okay?
642
00:21:47,818 --> 00:21:50,776
So...show up,
don't show up.
643
00:21:50,859 --> 00:21:53,275
It's up to you.
I'm gonna be there.
644
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,150
You're gonna be there
alone, Mo.
645
00:21:55,234 --> 00:21:57,567
I'm not coming.
646
00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:59,984
We'll see.
647
00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:02,025
- We'll see.
- Uh-huh.
648
00:22:03,526 --> 00:22:05,359
- Ha ha. Uh-huh!
- Okay.
649
00:22:05,442 --> 00:22:06,901
- Bye!
- Bye.
650
00:22:06,984 --> 00:22:07,984
[both laughing]
651
00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:11,067
[ballad continues playing]
652
00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:13,192
[Tiff]
Let's get this back where it--
653
00:22:13,275 --> 00:22:15,609
You know what? No.
No, this thing's bad luck.
654
00:22:15,693 --> 00:22:17,317
Ever since I put it on you,
it's just kicked off
655
00:22:17,401 --> 00:22:18,943
a series of disastrous events,
okay?
656
00:22:19,025 --> 00:22:20,526
This thing is cursed.
657
00:22:20,609 --> 00:22:22,025
[Mo] Hey, hey, hey!
658
00:22:22,109 --> 00:22:23,651
There's the happy couple!
659
00:22:23,734 --> 00:22:25,442
[claps]
Oh, my God.
660
00:22:25,526 --> 00:22:26,776
You've gotta be Tiff--
the one and only.
661
00:22:26,859 --> 00:22:28,651
- [Tiff] Yeah, I am.
- [all laughing]
662
00:22:28,734 --> 00:22:30,651
Blair has been heartbroken
without you, I gotta tell you.
663
00:22:30,734 --> 00:22:31,859
And I can see why.
664
00:22:31,943 --> 00:22:33,609
Ah-ooga!
Ha ha ha.
665
00:22:33,693 --> 00:22:35,317
What a beautiful dress.
666
00:22:35,401 --> 00:22:36,567
- Well, actually...
- Whoa!
667
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,484
Oh! It's a skort.
668
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:42,317
- Skants. Prototype.
- Skants.
669
00:22:42,401 --> 00:22:44,275
Oh. Well, I'd say they better
rush that baby to market.
670
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,484
- [Blair] Right?
- What is it: Levi's, Guess?
671
00:22:46,567 --> 00:22:48,943
No, it's Georgina.
I'm Tiff Georgina.
672
00:22:49,025 --> 00:22:50,609
[snaps]
Tiff Georgina.
673
00:22:50,693 --> 00:22:52,901
Now I see where this guy
gets his fashion sense from--
674
00:22:52,984 --> 00:22:54,901
a beautiful, fashionable lady
675
00:22:54,984 --> 00:22:57,025
from a famously
fashionable family.
676
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:58,651
- [Blair] Ah!
- And you must be the very
677
00:22:58,734 --> 00:23:01,359
famous Maurice Monroe
that I've heard so much about.
678
00:23:01,442 --> 00:23:03,275
All good, I'm sure?
679
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,693
[ballad continues
in background]
680
00:23:06,776 --> 00:23:09,192
[Blair] So what else?
681
00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:10,693
[murmurs]
682
00:23:10,776 --> 00:23:12,526
- A lot of people, huh?
- [Mo] Yeah.
683
00:23:12,609 --> 00:23:14,651
You know, Maurice,
I have been meaning
684
00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:16,818
to thank you for giving
my man here a little job.
685
00:23:16,901 --> 00:23:18,567
- Ah.
- So please,
686
00:23:18,651 --> 00:23:21,067
consider this tie pin
a gift for luck.
687
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,859
Oh, my God. Ha ha!
Well, I'm gonna say yes.
688
00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:25,067
- Ah!
- Ha ha ha ha ha!
689
00:23:25,150 --> 00:23:26,359
- You kids have a great night.
- [Tiff] Oh, so nice seeing you
690
00:23:26,442 --> 00:23:27,818
- and meeting you.
- [Mo] Thanks again!
691
00:23:27,901 --> 00:23:30,484
- That was so generous, babe.
- Fuck him.
692
00:23:30,567 --> 00:23:31,943
- Ooh!
- Yeah?
693
00:23:32,025 --> 00:23:33,442
- I'm back!
- Yeah, you are back.
694
00:23:33,526 --> 00:23:35,401
Oh, I'm actually on the air.
695
00:23:35,484 --> 00:23:38,484
Hi, Howard! Long-time
listener, first-time caller.
696
00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:41,234
Hey, can you put Robin's boobs
on the air?
697
00:23:41,317 --> 00:23:43,359
[laughs] Huh?
No, no, I love you guys.
698
00:23:43,442 --> 00:23:45,943
Hey, whoa, hey, Howard,
before you hang up--
699
00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:47,651
Fuck Jackie Martling!
700
00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:48,943
- [phone thuds down]
- Wait!
701
00:23:49,025 --> 00:23:50,526
- [Keith] Stop him!
- Shit!
702
00:23:50,609 --> 00:23:52,526
[Keith] Stop him!
Get him, get him, stop him!
703
00:23:52,609 --> 00:23:54,734
You dumb-ass LaGuardia
fuckin' Spread idiot!
704
00:23:54,818 --> 00:23:56,693
What the fuck
are you doin', man?
705
00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,359
[Keith] The Yakuza's gonna
track us down and kill us.
706
00:23:58,442 --> 00:24:00,025
[woman] ...killed today
by a food-borne illness
707
00:24:00,109 --> 00:24:02,192
found in beef.
708
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:03,776
Mad cow disease is affecting
709
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,609
livestock across
Canada and the U.K.,
710
00:24:06,693 --> 00:24:10,359
causing one of the biggest
beef recalls in history.
711
00:24:10,442 --> 00:24:11,818
The outbreak
of mad cow disease
712
00:24:11,901 --> 00:24:14,484
forced supermarkets
across the U.K.
713
00:24:14,567 --> 00:24:17,734
to dispose of
the tainted beef.
714
00:24:17,818 --> 00:24:19,984
Resupplying the market
with safe beef from the U.S.
715
00:24:20,067 --> 00:24:22,526
is causing the demand
to skyrocket.
716
00:24:22,609 --> 00:24:25,526
[men laughing]
717
00:24:25,609 --> 00:24:28,192
It is my distinct honor
to present
718
00:24:28,275 --> 00:24:30,275
these brave Mujahideen warriors
719
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,609
- with a check for $44,250.
- [crowd whooping]
720
00:24:34,693 --> 00:24:38,192
Fight on, brave men.
We will not forget you.
721
00:24:38,275 --> 00:24:40,401
We're actually not going
by Mujahideen anymore.
722
00:24:40,484 --> 00:24:41,693
We're rebranding.
723
00:24:41,776 --> 00:24:44,359
What do you think about,
uh, Taliban?
724
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:47,442
Taliban, uh...
yeah, that's got legs.
725
00:24:48,859 --> 00:24:50,401
♪ edgy music ♪
726
00:24:50,484 --> 00:24:51,776
Oh, shit, I gotta
get outta here.
727
00:24:51,859 --> 00:24:53,025
- All right, take it easy.
- Salaam!
728
00:24:53,109 --> 00:24:54,984
[Mo] Yeah.
Salami and bacon!
729
00:24:55,067 --> 00:24:57,192
♪♪♪
730
00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:58,609
[elevator bell dings]
731
00:24:58,693 --> 00:25:03,526
♪♪♪
732
00:25:13,067 --> 00:25:14,567
[exhales]
733
00:25:23,526 --> 00:25:28,192
[woman] ♪ Where do I find
the strength ♪
734
00:25:28,275 --> 00:25:31,192
♪ To face the future ♪
735
00:25:31,275 --> 00:25:35,234
♪ With...without you? ♪
736
00:25:35,317 --> 00:25:37,359
Uh...make it a double.
737
00:25:37,442 --> 00:25:39,234
You haven't ordered.
738
00:25:39,317 --> 00:25:40,275
[inhales]
739
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,401
Scotch.
740
00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:46,359
♪ dramatic music ♪
741
00:25:46,442 --> 00:25:48,025
♪♪♪
742
00:25:48,109 --> 00:25:50,943
I'm gonna need that finger.
743
00:25:51,025 --> 00:25:52,401
No hard feelings, Mo.
744
00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:54,484
You have a boss.
I have a boss.
745
00:25:54,567 --> 00:25:57,275
Technically,
I'm my own boss, but...
746
00:25:59,943 --> 00:26:02,442
Mm!
747
00:26:02,526 --> 00:26:03,609
I have to do it?
748
00:26:05,150 --> 00:26:06,275
[blows out]
749
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,984
♪♪♪
750
00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:14,109
[inhales, exhales]
751
00:26:14,192 --> 00:26:16,067
How much pinky
are we talkin' about?
752
00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:18,693
- Mo!
- Yeah.
753
00:26:18,776 --> 00:26:20,776
Oh, shit.
754
00:26:22,776 --> 00:26:24,442
[Keith] Stop! Stop!
755
00:26:24,526 --> 00:26:26,442
Stop! Shit!
756
00:26:26,526 --> 00:26:28,234
We got the money
and then some.
757
00:26:28,317 --> 00:26:30,693
Turns out Wayne was pulling
a LaGuardia Spread
758
00:26:30,776 --> 00:26:31,901
- [Keith] with the dough.
- And it worked!
759
00:26:31,984 --> 00:26:33,818
Well, it didn't until
the U.K. was overrun
760
00:26:33,901 --> 00:26:35,484
by zombie cows.
761
00:26:35,567 --> 00:26:37,234
[Yassir] U.S. livestock
futures are--
762
00:26:37,317 --> 00:26:38,734
Do you wanna give this guy
his Goddamn money
763
00:26:38,818 --> 00:26:40,734
so I don't have to cut off
my fucking pinkie?
764
00:26:40,818 --> 00:26:42,234
The money's already been
wired into your account, Mo.
765
00:26:42,317 --> 00:26:44,484
So...are we good?
766
00:26:46,275 --> 00:26:47,317
[knife clatters]
767
00:26:47,401 --> 00:26:49,859
Ohh...
Ha. Ha ha.
768
00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:52,484
Ha ha ha ha. Oh!
769
00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:54,359
I'm not even mad at you,
Wayne okay?
770
00:26:54,442 --> 00:26:56,109
You're a fuckin' wild man.
771
00:26:56,192 --> 00:26:57,859
- Yeah, right?
- [laughter]
772
00:26:57,943 --> 00:27:00,109
[Mo] It takes some big--
Actually, that's not true.
773
00:27:00,192 --> 00:27:01,484
I'm very upset with you!
774
00:27:01,567 --> 00:27:03,317
I'm upset
with all three of you.
775
00:27:03,401 --> 00:27:05,359
I'm gonna individually
fuck each one of you up.
776
00:27:05,442 --> 00:27:07,109
- Do you understand--
- [grunts] Mm! So...
777
00:27:07,192 --> 00:27:10,609
You wanna do a money order?
Write us a check?
778
00:27:10,693 --> 00:27:12,359
Whatever's easier.
779
00:27:12,442 --> 00:27:15,317
♪ suspenseful music ♪
780
00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:17,651
♪♪♪
781
00:27:17,734 --> 00:27:19,526
And again.
Again, I fell for it.
782
00:27:19,609 --> 00:27:24,484
And...again,
Mo let me down.
783
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:27,150
You know, it's like,
uh...
784
00:27:27,234 --> 00:27:29,609
I feel like I'm Lucy,
785
00:27:29,693 --> 00:27:31,192
you know,
and the football,
786
00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,818
or...maybe
I'm Charlie Brown.
787
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:36,693
I don't know.
Or maybe I'm the football.
788
00:27:36,776 --> 00:27:39,234
Who knows? Ooh!
Peanuts!
789
00:27:39,317 --> 00:27:40,651
What if I do some peanuts
790
00:27:40,734 --> 00:27:42,359
to soak up some of
this alcohol.
791
00:27:42,442 --> 00:27:45,275
This is supposed to be
one of the most romantic spots
792
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:46,818
- in the city.
- Eew.
793
00:27:46,901 --> 00:27:48,859
I gotta pee.
794
00:27:50,609 --> 00:27:52,109
[soulful music in background]
795
00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:53,818
Hey. You're here!
796
00:27:53,901 --> 00:27:55,484
Mmm!
797
00:27:55,567 --> 00:27:57,693
Did you see Tiff and I
are, uh, we're back.
798
00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:58,734
- I think.
- Oh...
799
00:27:58,818 --> 00:28:00,901
Uh, so thank you
800
00:28:01,025 --> 00:28:02,776
for everything.
801
00:28:02,859 --> 00:28:04,693
Well, I'm just--I'm happy
that you're happy.
802
00:28:04,776 --> 00:28:06,943
I see you took my advice
on this spot?
803
00:28:07,025 --> 00:28:08,359
Yeah, yeah, I did.
804
00:28:08,442 --> 00:28:10,484
Again, I...owe you.
805
00:28:10,567 --> 00:28:11,693
Big.
806
00:28:11,776 --> 00:28:13,025
Yeah.
807
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:17,818
♪♪♪
808
00:28:34,484 --> 00:28:37,526
♪♪♪
809
00:28:37,609 --> 00:28:40,317
♪ upbeat synth music ♪
810
00:28:40,401 --> 00:28:45,567
♪♪♪
811
00:28:45,617 --> 00:28:50,167
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