Original subtitles

(announcer) The Cold War.

A time when two world superpowers,

the Soviet Union and the United States,

were locked in an ideological struggle

that, at any moment,

threatened to break out into nuclear Armageddon.

Never was that threat more real

than during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

On October 16th, 1962,

President Kennedy was stunned to learn

that Premier Khrushchev had covertly placed nuclear missiles

just 90 miles off the US coast in Communist Cuba.

(laughing)

I will not let this unprovoked aggression stand!

(thunder) (both growling)

(announcer) With unflinching resolve,

Kennedy demanded that Khrushchev remove the missiles.

The tense 13-day standoff ended

when Khrushchev submitted to Kennedy's iron will.

(groans)

USA! USA! USA!

Actually, that's not right at all.

In fact, a lot of what you think you know

about the Cold War is totally wrong.

(announcer) Oh, great, let me guess.

You're going to drop a truth bomb.

(bell dings) Great idea.

But the only fallout from this bomb is knowledge.

I'm Adam Conover and this is "Re-Animated History."

Uh-oh! (crash)

?

Aah!

(horse neighing)

(explosion)

(announcer) As I was saying,

during the Cuban Missile Crisis,

our young, handsome president Kennedy,

along with his advisers, acted quickly and decisively

in the face of clear Soviet aggression.

These missiles in Cuba

change the balance of power so significantly

that we only have one option... war!

This is an unprovoked act of aggression.

Gentlemen, I will not start World War III.

We will look Khrushchev right in the eye

and make him understand that we will never give in.

Yes, this is the version JFK supporters told us...

but it's an extremely misleading account.

For one, the US caused the crisis, not the Soviets.

(announcer) Come on, you nagging no-goodnik.

How can you say that

when the Soviets put missiles in Cuba

pointing right at the U.S.?

Because, the U.S. had just put missiles in Turkey

pointing right at the Soviets.

(gasps)

Sweet salty caviar! What is that?

In 1961, JFK gave an order

to put 15 nuclear-tipped Jupiter missiles

on the Turkish border.

Khrushchev was furious.

(grunts)

Put missiles in Cuba!

Is only fair.

Let's give them taste of their own borscht.

Nuclear borscht.

(announcer) Hold on, grown-up Jonathan Lipnicki.

You mean to tell me that the US started it?

Yep. In fact, Kennedy's advisers later realized

just how provocative their actions were.

Yeah. I take back what I said earlier, Jack.

We should have seen this coming a mile away.

But surprisingly, these tit-for-tat moves

actually did little to shift the balance of power.

It's okay, Bob.

At least we still have way more nukes than they do.

(announcer) What? We were in a nuclear arms race.

I thought we were neck and neck with the Soviets.

Hardly! In 1960, the US had over 18,000 nuclear weapons,

while the Soviets only had 1,600.

That's more than a ten-to-one advantage.

(groans)

Maybe we need to get a storage unit.

(announcer) Okay, Facty McGee.

Then why did JFK make such a big deal out of this?

Why was it even a crisis in the first place?

Because, more than anything,

Kennedy was worried about looking weak.

(shouts) (crash)

One of the reasons

Kennedy won the presidency in 1960

was because he repeatedly attacked his opponent

for being soft on Communism.

Richard Nixon is soft on Communist Cuba.

His favorite sandwich is a Cuban sandwich!

I would never touch a Communist sandwich,

no matter how tender the pork

or how gooey and melty the cheese.

Ahh... Ooh.

(laughs nervously)

(whistling)

(Adam) So, after the election,

Kennedy needed to make good on his promise

to be tough on Communism.

He sent trained expats to invade Cuba

and overthrow the Castro regime,

but they were completely outnumbered by Cuban troops.

(men shouting)

And the operation, known as the Bay of Pigs invasion,

failed miserably.

(men shouting)

(laughs) I bet this is the single worst thing

that will ever happen to Kennedy in his entire life!

(Adam) The botched invasion

embarrassed the entire Kennedy administration,

and as a result, Kennedy felt

he had to appear tough on Communism.

If it hadn't been for that, the Cuban Missile Crisis

might never have happened.

I don't want to go to war, but if we do nothing

about these missiles in Cuba,

I'll seem weaker than White House coffee!

(grunts) I got it!

How about a naval blockade?

We stop any ship-carrying weapons

from entering Cuban waters.

(announcer) Yes, the blockade!

What a brilliant strategic move

by our young, disarmingly handsome president.

Not really.

The blockade actually escalated the crisis.

The US had no legal right to do it,

so it was technically an act of war.

A blockade! Kennedy is nuttier

than squirrel with mouthful of nuts!

In fact, Khrushchev wanted nothing more

than to de-escalate and end the conflict.

Fine.

I will observe Jack's little blockade.

But tell USA we will take missiles out of Cuba

when they take missiles out of Turkey.

Khrushchev is reasonable man!

Hah!

We can't do that. If the public finds out

I gave into this totally reasonable request,

they'll think I'm a little softy baby boy.

You're right, Jack.

Let's nuke the hell out of 'em.

Whoa, whoa. I will not go down in history

as the man who ended the world.

Now, let's take a potty break.

Bobby, there's only one way out of this mess.

We have to give in, but secretly.

After your tinkle, here's what I want you to do.

I want you to take... (whispering)

(Adam) JFK's brother Robert Kennedy

brokered a secret deal with the Soviets,

and it would be years before anyone found out.

We will take our missiles out of Turkey,

but you guys have to pinky swear

never to tell anyone.

Oh, but we're gonna tell the public

that we kicked your ass. Cool?

Okay, bye-ee!

(announcer) This is crazy.

JFK made a secret deal with the Soviets?

Why didn't I ever hear about this?

Because Kennedy had his very own historian

in the White House.

His name was Arthur Schlesinger Jr.,

and he took down the story exactly as Kennedy wanted it.

So, you see, Artie, I said, now you listen here, Ruskies.

We will never give in!

And it worked.

Oh, you showed those Reds who's boss, Jack!

Boy, I love the truth.

(Adam) The public was so fascinated by the Kennedy White House

that the books became instant bestsellers,

making Schlesinger's version

the standard history of the crisis.

It wasn't until secret records were declassified in the 1990s

that we learned the truth.

Kennedy actually escalated the conflict

in an effort to save face and only saved the day

by reluctantly giving in to Khrushchev.

(announcer) Fine, he gave in.

But he still resolved the crisis, which...

I mean, that's still a win, right?

Not entirely, because the official version of events

established a powerful myth in American diplomacy

that confronting aggression in an uncompromising way

will deter future aggression.

But that approach was no help with countries like Vietnam,

Libya, Panama, Iraq, Yugoslavia,

Iraq part 2, or North Korea.

(announcer) Wow. You're right.

I just wanted to believe that Kennedy

was nothing but courageous. Uh-huh.

(announcer) And sexy. Uh-huh.

(announcer) And probably ripped. Ehh.

(announcer) I mean, he really filled out a suit.

Well, it takes courage to know when to give in.

And hey, if you want courage, I got courage.

What if I were to tell you that in the midst of the Cold War,

there was a Republican senator

who stood up to the nastiest Red-baiter of the era?

(announcer) I'd say you're wrong, because I would have heard of him.

Well, stick around and I'll tell you all about her.

(announcer) Really patting yourself on the back about that one, aren't you?

Uh-huh.

(crash) Wuh-oh!

(announcer) No, you messed up Jack's ed face, you monster!

(announcer) All right, fancy boy.

I'm ready. You promised heroes.

Let's see what you got.

Today's story is about a brave politician

whose name you don't know, but you definitely should,

and she's today's unsung badass of history.

Margaret Chase Smith never set out to be a politician,

but she was married

to a Republican congressman from Maine when...

(groans)

(thud)

(crowd reacting)

For years, Congress observed an unwritten rule

called The Widow's Mandate.

If a congressman died,

his wife would serve out the rest of his term

and then step aside at the next election.

Okay, Margaret, just keep this seat warm

while we wait for a qualified, capable person.

One with a penis.

Yeah, screw that.

I'm getting to work!

(thudding)

Hey, this isn't half bad.

I think I'll run again.

(gasps)

Margaret didn't just run, she won.

In fact, the Republican from Maine was so popular

that she was reelected to Congress three more times,

and then in 1948, she ran for Senate

and beat her opponent by over 40 percentage points.

Thank you, Maine, and keep cheering!

I've got quite a few encores coming!

(announcer) Wow.

A woman senator in 1948?

Hey, that's even rarer than me enjoying your company.

The point is, she was a pioneer,

and Republicans could never take her vote for granted.

I don't think you understand, Margaret,

likely because of your smaller female brain,

but Republicans are voting against this bill.

I need to do my own research first!

Ow!

(announcer) Very impressive.

(Adam) And that's nothing

compared to what she did next.

Around the same time, one of the craziest,

most vindictive anti-Communists of the Cold War, Joe McCarthy,

was elected as a Republican senator from Wisconsin.

He used his powerful position to haul government officials

in front of Congress and accuse them of Communist sympathies.

You're a diplomat for the State Department,

yet you have traveled to Communist China!

How do you explain that?

Well, I... The State Department

sent me there because I'm a diplomat?

Likely story. You're fired! Blacklisted!

And I'm eating your lunch out of the shared fridge.

Hmmph!

He had over 30,000 books he deemed subversive

removed from American libraries abroad.

White whale?

More like a red whale!

He even attempted to ruin the careers of Army officers

by accusing them of having dinner with Communists.

Oh, you'd rather have dinner with a Commie than me?

Let me tell you something.

I am a delightful dinner guest,

no matter what your buddy Karl Marx says!

(announcer) Holy Crow!

He went after the Army?

(Adam) Yep. And that's why everyone in Washington

was terrified of him.

They knew he'd destroy anyone he could.

Oh, man, I don't want Joe to come after me, too.

I wonder if he's free for dinner on Friday.

Though Smith was fiercely anti-Communist,

she was also a woman of principle,

and she didn't believe in McCarthy's witch hunt,

so she did something that none of her male colleagues,

Republican or Democrat, would do.

She stood up to the biggest bully in the Senate.

The right to criticize,

the right to hold unpopular beliefs,

the right to protest,

the right of independent thought.

The exercise of these rights

should not cost one single American citizen his reputation

or his right to a livelihood!

She called this speech "A Declaration of Conscience."

Why you...

Of all the...

How dare you?

Looks like Joe's the one turning red now.

You'll pay for this, Smith!

I'll... I'll fund your primary opponent

and make sure you never set foot in D.C. again!

(Adam) Although McCarthy tried his best to get rid of her,

it made no difference.

She crushed her primary opponent 83 to 17%.

Take that, Joe!

Margaret Chase Smith served in the Senate until 1972,

all the while voting her conscience.

She voted with Republicans in support of the Vietnam War

and with Democrats on Civil Rights and the space program.

In 1964, she even made a run for the presidency.

(announcer) Wow. I'd call that courageous.

Yeah, me too.

Which is why it's weird so few of us know her name.

But aren't you glad you know about her now?

(announcer) You know, I'd like to say yes,

but that would only encourage you,

so I'll just move on to my next story.

The fall of the Berlin Wall.

Oh, like how it came down

because one German bureaucrat made a dumb mistake?

That's one of my favorites.

What page is it on? Let me help.

(announcer) Uh, it's towards the back.

Oh, okay.

(announcer) Ha! Got him!

(Adam) Oh, joke's on you!

I love being trapped in books!

(announcer) The Berlin Wall.

96 miles of concrete and rebar between freedom and tyranny.

Dark and light.

In June of 1987,

Ronald Reagan traveled to Berlin with a singular focus.

End Communism once and for all.

He stood before the wall

and boldly called out Soviet Premiere Gorbachev by name,

issuing that now famous challenge...

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

That was the beginning of the end for the Berlin Wall.

Gonna... stop you... right there.

Reagan actually did very little to bring down the Berlin Wall.

(announcer) Come on, hairspray.

Everybody saw that speech.

Yeah, but almost nothing happened

as a result of that speech.

It was pretty much business as usual for the next two years.

Well, our number-one enemy says we need to

tear down Berlin Wall.

Get my axe, Dmitry.

I better do what he says right away.

That was Soviet sarcasm.

You can tell because I said something I did not mean.

(announcer) Yeah, but the wall came down eventually.

It just took time for Reagan's words to, you know, sink in.

Nope. In reality, the wall finally came down

because of geopolitical instability,

the brave work of East German dissidents,

and because one German bureaucrat

made a stupid mistake.

But first, let me give you a little context.

(shakes can and sprays) (humming)

By the late 1980s,

unrest and corruption throughout the Eastern Bloc

were making it harder and harder

for Communist countries to stay in power.

So, uh, I'm gonna give this

whole society as we know it thing

another, I don't know, six months?

(Adam) In East Germany, the government doubled down on repression

in an attempt to maintain control.

But that just made people want to leave even more,

especially those who had skills

that might be rewarded elsewhere.

I'm a graphic designer, but all I do is design pamphlets

with tips on how to spy on your friends.

I'm going to have to report you for saying that.

Hey, that's one of my tips.

Uh-oh, my tips work!

As pressure from the East German people continued to grow,

the authorities tried to make it seem

like they were relaxing travel restrictions, but in reality,

they were just making those restrictions more confusing.

Let's see.

Swap paragraph 56 mit subsection B.

Type some random German legalese.

Sneak in the name of my dog

a few times, and done.

Whoa! (crash)

(Adam) On November 9th, 1989,

the international press gathered

to hear about the changes to the travel restrictions.

(announcer) Wait. So this press conference wasn't about the wall?

(Adam) It wasn't supposed to be about the wall

until this guy made a mistake that made it all about the wall.

His name, G�nter Schabowski.

(announcer) Wow. That is a little on the nose

for a German guy's name, don't you think?

Hey, I don't write history,

I just summarize it and try to add jokes.

(reporters shouting) I have question!

Mr. Schabowski! Mr. Schabowski!

Has there been a change to the travel policy?

(Adam) The problem was, G�nter hadn't read the new policy beforehand

and it was way too confusing to learn in just one glance.

So, he started to wing it.

Yeah, um, so, um, pretty much, people come...

Uh, immigrate, kind of whenever.

Um, kind of not so... Sort of, I think.

And then one reporter asked the most important question of all.

Will the wall come down?

And G�nter bailed without even answering it.

Okay, no more conference.

G�nter raus!

Later in the day,

Schabowski did a private interview with Tom Brokaw

and continued to be so vague

that Brokaw was forced to fill in the gaps.

So, the wall is coming down?

I'm not saying that.

But I'm not not saying that, either.

I mean, what are walls even, really, hmm?

Maybe this is all a dream.

Mm-hmm.

(Adam) Brokaw's word carried a lot of weight,

so the press ran with the story.

When the German people saw the news,

they thought the wall was coming down

and decided to take matters into their own hands.

Why wait? I got a crowbar.

Let's take this thing down today!

(people shouting)

Some climbed the wall while others brought

whatever tools they could find to bring it down.

(announcer) Incredible.

But how did they get past the guards?

There was so much confusion that when the guards

called their superiors for clarification,

they got no answer.

Hmm, it went straight to voicemail.

Well, I, too, have an out-of-office reply.

Freedom!

(Adam) Over the next 72 hours,

as many as 3 million people went through.

David Hasselhoff even performed.

(announcer) Wait, so you're telling me that David Hasselhoff

potentially had as much to do

with the wall coming down as Reagan did?

Yep. It was in large part G�nter Schabowski's mistake,

but at the end of the day, it was the fed-up German people

who brought the wall down, literally.

(announcer) Well, this is getting old.

All my information was, once again, wrong.

Mr. Conover, tear up this book!

No! There's no need for that.

All you have to do is... Oh!

(mic feedback)

Ugh, man, you know, I'm not even mad.

How can you be mad at talent like that?

There we go, all fixed. Ah!

You can tell that's JFK, right?

(announcer) Yes, fine, whatever.

Show's over, Adam.

I'm throwing this book away.

Everything in it is wrong.

It is useless. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Not at all.

We just need to update it.

(announcer) What does that mean?

Well, we think of history as static and unchanging

because it's in the past.

But that's not true at all.

The study of history is as dynamic and ever-changing

as any other field of human knowledge.

In the last few decades, historians have made

tremendous progress refining our understanding

of what really happened during the Cold War,

and if you keep abreast of that new knowledge

rather than just telling the same old stories,

your understanding of history will be that much greater.

(announcer) Yeah, I guess this book is a little dusty.

Well, thanks for the lessons.

Looks like our time is up.

Wait, but I haven't even told you

about how one of the first things the East Germans did

when they got to the west was buy crates full of bananas!

(announcer) Oh, sorry.

Credits are rolling. Gotta go.

See, because they couldn't get them over there,

they went crazy for 'em!

I mean, how does that even work?

You can't even eat a crate of bananas before they go bad.

Were they making banana bread or what?

There are so many questions!

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