All language subtitles for Adam Ruins Everything s02e04 Dating.eng

Dating is tough, man.

This one time, I went out with
this guy from Tinder

who kept ordering me glasses of milk.

Another guy I went off with off Hinge

cried every time he said
the word "jazz."

But the worst was this guy from Bumble

who cut off a piece of my hair
when I wasn't looking,

and then again when I was looking.

Ugh.

It's brutal out there.

Sometimes, I think
I might just be alone forever.

I just want to find somebody and...

and be done with dating
once and for all.

Is that too much to ask?

I'll be right back with that guac,

but not too soon,
'cause you frighten me.

It's all right, Sarah.

It won't be the first time
you were stood up.

I mean, this guy's hair
is a bit much for me, anyway.

- Hello, my date!
- Ahh!

Sorry I'm late.

I was telling my Lyft driver
about how free parking

is destroying our urban centers.

Don't you just love
talking to rideshare drivers?

Ooh.

You're funny.

I like funny guys.
But let's cut to the chase.

What's your deal?
What's wrong with you?

What, are you in a cult?
You attracted to frogs?

You're not a magician, are you?

(swallowing)
Nope, I'm just a curious boy.

Okay, well, you were late
and you're a weirdo,

but we were 100% match online,
so we must be compatible.

Oh, no, that doesn't mean
we're compatible at all.

In fact, there is no quick and easy way

to tell who you're a match for.

Hi, I'm Adam Conover and this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."

?

Synced by Bakugan

What was that music? What's happening?

Oh, I have a TV show where I
deflate common misconceptions.

Impressed?

Well, I can't say that this
has happened on a date before.

Huh. For me, it's happened on...

Every date.

Well, take it from me. Dating sucks.

That's why I bit the bullet
and paid for this dating site.

They use science to match you
with a guy worth your time.

Yeah, sites like eHarmony
and Chemistry.com

certainly love to advertise that
their methods are scientific.

At eHarmony, we use a scientific system

to help you find someone who's
looking for someone like you.

But their claims to be scientific

are straight up baloney.

Where'd you get baloney?

Oh, I brought it from home
in case it wasn't on the menu.

But it's not baloney.
Didn't you listen to the ad?

They have algorithms and formulas,

and the old guy seems super "sciencey."

Yes, he certainly does seem that way.

I'm Dr. Neil Clark Warren

and don't I look like some kind
of well-meaning love grandpa?

Yes. Yes, you do.

I trust you, love grandpa.

Dr. Warren founded eHarmony

after working as a marriage
counselor and self-help author.

That's how I came up with
our super scientific system.

The problem is, he's not a scientist.

We looked and we couldn't find
a single scientific article

written by Dr. Warren on relationships,

compatibility, or marriage

published in a peer-reviewed journal.

Didn't have time.

Too busy getting my cheeks dimpled.

And there has never
been a single independent

peer-reviewed study testing
eHarmony's algorithm.

Well, then, let's get those
peers reviewin'.

They would love to, but they can't

because eHarmony keeps their
exact algorithm a secret.

Come on, let me in!

If it's scientific,
why can't we study it?

Sorry, bud. Just trust me.

We're a for-profit company.

But we're number one in most marriages,

most enduring marriages, most...

And the Better Business Bureau
told you those claims

were misleading
and to stop saying them.

The fact is, without peer review,

any claims made about eHarmony's
secret algorithm

are unverifiable, unscientific baloney.

That's salami.

Sorry, I ate all the baloney.

Well, uh, I guess I'll just
use other sites

- like Match or OKCupid.
- Oh!

In the interest of full disclosure,

the production company
that makes this show

is a corporate sibling
of Match and OKCupid.

And OKCupid is so public
about their algorithm,

their founder actually wrote
on their company blog...

_

In other words,

- they're winging it.
- (ding)

Wow, um, okay, yeah.

But there has to be something
in our profiles

that make us compatible.

Probably not.

(trumpet playing)

A major study found that
no matter which you use,

there is no proof that dating
site algorithms

are any better than
matching people at random.

The fact is,
every match on a dating site

is just a swing in the dark.

Hey, encyclopedias for everyone!

Huh?

So it's random.

I mean, how could these sites
be so off.

It's because the only thing
an algorithm can do

to match up two people
who have never met before

is pair them on the basis of
personality and shared interests.

And the truth is that those two things

don't have a lot to do with
romantic compatibility.

Uh, Sarah, this is Benjamin Carney.

He's a professor of
social psychology at UCLA

and he is interrupting our date
for some reason.

Are either of you interested in
these vegan nachos?

I'm on a meat-only diet.

Wait, you're on
the South Dallas Diet, too?

Okay, Ben, could you explain
the difference between

similarity and compatibility...
very quickly, please?

There are countless ways
that we can be similar to

or different from another person.

The fact that you happen
to match up with somebody

on a handful of those interests
that you have

doesn't really tell us much about

whether you'll be romantically
compatible with them.

For instance, do you like music,
parties, and Mexican food?

Yes, I love those things.

(all) So do we.

Okay, point taken.

I'm obviously not going to date
everyone in here.

The extent to which two people
have similar personalities

actually only counts for a tiny
percentage of their satisfaction

with their relationship.

Far more important
is how people treat each other,

and how someone makes you feel
when you get to know them.

It really is, in the end,

less about who you are
than about what you do.

So sorry about the mix-up, sir.

Here are your meat nachos.

Whoa. Adam, gotta go.

Got a lot on my plate here.
See you around.

So even though the site matched us,

we may not be compatible at all.

Afraid not. So why did you
use it in the first place?

Well, dating sites are
really useful for one thing.

Helping you meet other people
who want to go on dates.

You know, like, if you're an
eligible but shy TV host

who's trying to get back out there

but is nervous to ask women out
in person,

especially when they're really pretty.

But if you're expecting
a test on a website

to identify your one true love,

you're probably expecting too much.

Mmm... I guess you're right.

I did think it was weird
that we matched.

I'm usually attracted to
alpha males, no offense.

Oh, none taken.

Especially since the whole idea
of the human alpha male

makes no sense.

Come on, I'll show you.

But we literally just sat down.

We're not gonna eat or...

Nah, I'm all full on deli meat.

Let's go!

This bar.

I went on a date here once
with a guy who had a pet rat.

I have pet turtles. Is that okay?

Do they sleep in your bed?

Only when I'm alone. So, yes.

(laughing)

You make me laugh, Adam,
which is weird,

because you're not really my type.

I usually go for alpha males.

That's not weird at all,
because in humans,

the very idea of the "alpha male"

makes absolutely no sense.

What do you think an alpha male is?

A confident, assertive leader
who knows what he wants

and always gets his way.

You know, somebody who says
things like "get swole"

and "Muscle Milk",

and "Hi, I'm Vin Diesel."

Oh, so like this guy.

What up, freaks? Name's Alpha Adam.

I'm confident, straight-up bangin',

and if you think women don't love me,

I'm gonna debunk
the F out of that myth.

Attraction to alphas is genetic.

Comes from nature.

I'm like the alpha wolf,
the leader of the pack.

Hell yeah. I'm bleeding.

Well, all of that is wrong,

because alpha wolves don't exist.

In fact, the term "alpha wolf"
was disavowed

by the very scientist
who popularized it.

The story starts in 1977.

While doing research
in a national park,

a wildlife biologist named
L. David Mech

seemed to observe that one wolf
emerged as the dominant male.

Ah-ha!

One wolf is the dominant leader,
the big wolf daddy!

That's the alpha wolf.

(Adam) He wrote a book on the idea
and it became a media sensation.

Alpha wolves are real and I love them,

and I bet humans are like this, too.

(howling)

(Adam) But 20 years later,

Mech tried to replicate
his research in the wild,

and when he did, he realized
he had made a terrible mistake.

Those aren't dominant wolves.

Those are mommies and daddies.

Wolves don't have
an alpha hierarchy at all.

They're just parents.
I must alert the masses!

(Adam) Mech renounced
the term "alpha wolf"

and spent years
trying to get his own book

taken off the shelves.

Stop reading this. I fed you lies!

Alpha wolves aren't real!

(Adam) But it was too late.

The term had taken on a life of its own

and we haven't stopped using it since.

So alpha wolves are just parents.

I guess my therapist was right.
I really do have daddy issues.

Nah, nah, nah.

Maybe there's no alpha wolves,
but I know crap, too.

Alpha males are found in chimps,
our closest genetic relatives.

Weird, you are more aggressive
than me, but also wronger.

First of all, chimps aren't
our closest genetic relatives,

bonobos are.

And bonobos live in
a matriarchal society.

Excuse me. You're in my way.

(animalistic growling)

You're basic.

Okay, whatever, those Bonobo
broads don't mean nothing.

In chimps, the alpha male
is the most dominant,

most aggressive bro,

and that means he has
first access to food,

resources, and of course, mates.

Hell yeah, baby. All right.

Not exactly.

Contrary to popular belief, in chimps,

the most aggressive male doesn't
always become the leader.

Smaller, more mild-mannered males

can actually become dominant
by doing favors

and obsessively grooming other chimps.

Excuse me, you seem to have
something in your hair.

Thanks. Oh...

Hey, let me ask you:

What do you think I should do
with my life?

Wait, whoa! What am I doing?

Get off of me!

I am the strongest,
most aggressive male,

so I am the alpha!

Now and forever!

No, you're not.

Unlike chimps, human social hierarchies

are constantly in flux,

so you might be the dominant male here,

but if you were playing
Dungeons & Dragons...

It's your turn. Hello!

What do you want to do?

I attack with my sword.

Your sword? You are a magic user.

Do you see a sword on
your character sheet? No.

Well, then you can't attack
with a sword, can you, freak?

(laughing)

Unlike animals, no one is the same
type of person in all situations.

Human society is much more
complicated than that.

So to say that
this guy is an alpha male

or that guy's a beta male

- makes straight up zero sense.
- Whatever, nerd!

The most aggressive male
gets the most aggressive tale.

It's true forever 'cause it rhymes.

Actually, research shows that
agreeableness, kindness,

and generosity are among
the strongest indicators

of a long, happy relationship.

Aww, eat my feet.
Those are beta traits!

Huh, well, then I guess betas
are the alphas of love.

Enough lies. I am the alpha!

I am your God!

Leave Beta Adam alone.

You saved me...
Also, just "Adam" is fine.

This sucks.

I thought I figured out my type,
but just my luck,

my type doesn't even friggin' exist.

At this rate, I'll never find someone.

No.

It's just that people are complicated

and comparing us to animals
is a shortcut

that isn't gonna help you find a match.

You can't put people in boxes.

Our personalities are too different.

That's it. Personality tests.

Like the Myers-Briggs test.

That's my shortcut.

I'm an ESTJ
and since I'm a thinking type,

I'm curious to know what type you are.

Oh, the Myers-Briggs test
is total bunk.

Let me tell you about it.

You are impossible.

Oh! Yo, bro, that's okay.

at's okay.

Yo, hit me up on Linkedln!

I normally have a two-location
maximum rule on dates.

In my experience,
when guys move around too much,

it's because they're married.

- Oh, I am definitely not...
- Yeah, I guessed.

Hey, what movie are we gonna see?

I'll see anything,
as long as it's not happy.

I was thinking something educational.

Educational, Adam? No.

Is this because I brought up
the Myers-Briggs test?

I will not apologize
for being extroverted.

Already bought the tickets. Oh.

?

Even if you're not familiar
with the name,

you've probably taken the
Myers-Briggs test in school,

at a job interview,
or just online for funsies.

It divides humans into
16 personality types,

each with its own cute little acronym.

Okay, it says I'm an extrovert
sensing feeling perceiving type.

I'm an ESFP.

I'm an ESFT, which means
I'm a thinking type.

And that's true.
I'm thinking right now.

Except all of that is GDBS,

and we use that BS to make
really important decisions.

The test shows you're never
going to be an astronaut.

Since you're an ESFP,

I recommend that you
become a garbage man.

Well, I accept my fate.

I mean, how is it BS?

The Myers-Briggs test
always seemed so scientific.

Oh, yeah, the Myers-Briggs uses a lot

of science-y-sounding jargon,
but the truth is,

it wasn't invented by scientists
at all.

Take a look.

?

(Adam) The year, 1921.

Famed psychologist
Carl Jung has a theory.

I surmise human beings
can be broken down

into eight different personality types.

(Adam) There was just one problem.

This was a time before psychology
used scientific methods,

like data or controlled experiments.

So the eight types were just guesses

based on Jung's personal experiences.

My wife feels emotions all the time.

- (Mrs. Jung whining)
- Her type is a feeler.

Welp, that is good enough
for science in 1921.

But Carl Jung
didn't even make the test.

Myers and Briggs or whoever they are,

they took his ideas
and made them better.

Not quite.

(Adam) The year is 1943.

Mystery novelist Isabel Briggs-Myers

and her magazine writer mother,
Katharine Cook Briggs,

had a lot of time on their hands.

Mama, I'm bored of writing
mystery novels.

Everyone else is off having fun at war.

Say, I have an idea.

I just read some old Carl Jung
book about personality types,

and I bet us two unqualified
nobodies could do a better job.

Yes!

Let's do some science or whatever.

Let's create an influential test

that will be widely used for decades!

(Adam) And so these two writers,
who had no scientific training,

took theories from one of
Carl Jung's non-scientific books

and came up with their list
of personality types.

Ooh, my friend Carrie
is a such a Samantha.

We have to put that in.

(Adam) Which, for some reason,
they doubled from eight to 16.

And in 1944, they published the thing.

That's really where the
Myers-Briggs test came from?

- That's so... stupid.
- Yeah.

And Carl Jung would agree with you.

- He once even said...
- Shh!

Oh, sorry.

Like tiddlywinks!

?

Today, the test is shunned
by the scientific community.

There's even a psychologist
on the board of the company

that owns the Myers-Briggs test
who's admitted publicly

that he wouldn't use it
in his own research.

Harsh.

But I still don't get
what's so wrong about the test.

- I can help with that.
- David.

Sarah, this is David Pittenger.

He's a psychologist and researcher

at Marshal University.

What are you doing here, David?

I'm trying to sneak into
an R-rated movie.

Sarah, the Myers-Briggs
type indicator test

has a lot of problems.

Foremost, it incorrectly assumes
that personality is fixed.

Actually, personality is not either-or.

It's really more or less.

So it's possible to be
introverted at one time

and extroverted at another.

I'm an extrovert!

But sometimes, I like to stay
at home and read in the bath.

Nearly half the people who retake
the Myers-Briggs type indicator

are placed into a different
personality category.

Oh, no!

Now I'm an introvert!

But that doesn't reflect
how much I like yelling!

(loud yelling)

So, this test isn't even consistent?

This is garbage.

The unfortunate truth is that
there's no evidence to support

the 16 categories created by the MBTI.

It's nothing more than
a poorly designed,

well-marketed way
to perpetuate stereotypes.

Well, coast is clear.

Thanks, David. Have fun in the movie.

My high school guidance
counselor almost convinced me

to be a travel agent
because of this test.

Why did I believe this?

Because of the Forer effect.

It's a psychological phenomenon
where people will believe

a vague and general description
of their personalities

if they're told it's tailored to them.

It's basically the same reason
people believe in Zodiac signs.

It says here as a Pisces,
I'm creating, caring, outgoing,

and also sometimes not.

That is so me.

I can't believe
I wasted my time on this.

Well, you're not alone.

2 million people a year
take the Myers-Briggs test,

and despite the fact that there
is no sufficient evidence

showing that
it's effective at predicting

job satisfaction or compatibility,

it's been used to make hiring
and training decisions

in over 10,000 companies,
2,500 colleges,

and even the State Department
and the CIA.

You're our most deadly
operative, Agent X.

But turns out, you're a judging type,

so we're putting you in charge
of party planning.

Reminder: I like cookie cake.

The truth is, the Myers-Briggs
test is just a parlor game.

It can't diagnose your personality,

it can't find you the right job,

and it definitely can't predict
who you'll be compatible with.

I hate this!

Myers-Briggs is stupid,
types are stupid,

dating sites are stupid.

And I guess I'm stupid,
for thinking I could

figure out whether or not
we're compatible.

Oh, I'm so sick of this.

I'm just gonna buy a cat
and die alone like my mom wants.

Are you happy, Adam?

Of all my dates, all the nightmares,

this is the one
that finally made me lose hope.

But I was just about to tell you
why there is hope!

Oh, swipe left!

Could be hard to salvage this one.

Sarah.

Are you okay?

Adam, I'm sorry, I just...

I can't take any more facts right now.

Just please hear me out.

I know dating sucks.

It's awkward and uncomfortable
to put yourself out there

when you'd rather just stay in

and read "The Illiad" to your turtles.

I was with you for most of that.

I know it seems like a waste of time.

Do you know how I try to look at it?

Every horrible date
and every broken heart

is a chance to learn about
what you want in a partner.

Yeah.

Like, now I know I don't like guys

who wear shorts on the first date.
Exactly.

But personality tests and algorithms

can't help you with that.

But if you put the time in
and you just keep trying,

eventually, you will find love,
because most people do.

And I have faith that
that can happen for both of us.

Adam, I know we just met 21 minutes

and three commercial breaks ago.

And honestly, at first,

I thought you were kind of abrasive.

- But now I think...
- Yeah?

No. I know...

I don't like you.

I mean, maybe as a friend.

You're really smart
and you are a sharp dresser.

But I don't like you.

Not romantically.

Oh.

And thanks to you, I know that's okay.

You've taught me so much about
what I don't want in a partner.

- That's great.
- Thank you.

Adam, this date has been great.

I feel so... Free!

(laughing)

Well, there's always that girl
you met on Wikipedia.

(electricity crackling)

Synced by Bakugan

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0