Original subtitles

- I realized when I met Maya,

I needed to be with someone who has the same dreams as me.

- You found someone new. You kicked me to the curb.

- She and I are flying back out with National Geographic

at the end of that week.

- Next week?

Well, what am I gonna do with the Cougar, huh?

What am I gonna do with the Cougar?

You think about that at all?

- What are you doing?

- I'm proposing.

- I'm just not in love with you anymore, Mikey.

- Stacey Ross.

You recognize me?

- I'm sorry. I don't remember.

It's good to see you again,

even if you didn't like my dancing.

Yeah, of course, I'd be here. I live here.

And it's my name on the lease.

- Your father's name, don't you mean?

- Same difference.

Oh, what the hell?

- Throw down my keys!

- Yeah, once he gets in a cab, I'll throw 'em down.

- I'll gladly get a cab if it means

I don't have to listen to any more of her bullshit!

- So, Jimmy Boy, you must be excited.

I mean, tomorrow's the big day, right?

- Yeah, she's flying in around noon, meet the folks,

have dinner,

then it's bon voyage in the a.m.

- Some fucking friend you are,

leaving me alone for three months

with this sad sack to deal with.

- You know, I'm glad

you guys think my heartbreak is funny, okay?

But it's not. This shit fucking hurts, dude.

- No, nobody finds anything funny, okay?

We understand.

It just--it's still weird

seeing you of all people like this.

You know, the big stud with all the muscles now

moping around in this old robe

and tears in his eyes all day, every day.

It's unexpected.

- And sad but not in, you know, a kind of endearing way,

more like a pathetic kind of way.

- Oh, yeah, well, I don't give a shit, okay?

Because look at me. You see this?

This is what a heartache looks like.

- Oh, well, we see that very clearly, Mikey.

It's very apparent. "It's A Heartache."

That's a good song by the way, right?

Bonnie Tyler.

It's gotta be one of the best breakup songs of all time.

- Well, I don't know if I'd go that far.

I reserve that slot for "Babe" by Styx.

- Oh, that's a big fucking surprise there.

Okay, all right, I'll let you have that

'cause I know they hold a special place in your heart.

But come on, Pags. All-time greatest?

- All right, fine. Hall & Oates, "She's Gone."

- Okay, now that's an answer. I can top it though.

Carol King. "It's Too Late."

- "Tracks of My Tears."

Smokey Robinson and The Miracles.

- Janice Joplin. "Piece of my Heart."

- "Jolene." Dolly Parton.

- "Angie" by the Stones.

- Al Green, "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart."

- Fuck you. That's a good one.

"I Heard It Through The Grapevine."

The Marvin Gaye version and the CCR version, two.

- "If I Can't Have You." Yvonne Elliman.

- Damn, that's another good one.

- It's 'cause I know my shit.

- "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Elton John and Kiki Dee.

- "Ain't No Sunshine." Bill motherfucking Withers.

- Shit, you're fucking good at this.

- Hey, they don't call me the music man for nothing, do they?

- Who the fuck calls you the music man?

- You know, I'm glad you guys are

having a laugh at my expense,

but if you're gonna be talking about breakup songs,

how do you leave out "I Will Survive," huh?

By Gloria Gaynor.

- You know, Mikey, you're right.

At first, I was afraid.

♪ I was petrified

♪ Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪

- ♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪

♪ Thinking how you did me wrong, Tammy ♪

- ♪ And I grew strong

both: ♪ And I learned how to get along ♪

- ♪ And so you're back - ♪ Ba-ba-na-na

- ♪ From outer space - ♪ Da-da-na-na

- ♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪

♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪

- ♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪

♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪

- ♪ If I had known for just one second ♪

both: ♪ You'd be back to bother me

♪ Go on now, go - ♪ Ba-ba-da-ba

- ♪ Walk out the door - ♪ Ba-ba-da-ba

- ♪ Just turn around now

both: ♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye ♪

♪ And you think I'd crumble?

- ♪ Do you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

both: ♪ Oh no, not I, I will survive ♪

- ♪ I'm Mikey Diaz

both: ♪ For as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive

♪ 'Cause I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give, I'll survive ♪

- You'll survive, Mikey!

- ♪ I will survive

- You're gonna survive, baby! - ♪ Hey, hey

- Fuck you guys.

both: ♪ Ba-da-ba-ba

- Hey, where are you going? - Mikey!

both: ♪ Ba-da-da-ba-da-da-ba-da-da

♪ Ba-da-do-do-do-do-do-do-do

- ♪ Ba-da - ♪ Do

- Are you freaking kidding me?

Do you have any idea what time it is?

- Do you have any idea what day it is?

It's my birthday. I'm allowed to sleep in.

- Really?

Well, then what was your excuse for yesterday,

and the day before that, and the day before that?

- Oh, wait, what was that, Ma? 'Cause it's my birthday.

You're not gonna be a huge pain in the ass today.

Oh, wow. That's so sweet of you.

- Well, then tell me this.

How come you never have to go to work anymore?

Did you get fired again?

- I told you I'm freelance.

You deaf? You know what that means?

It means when they call, I go to work.

If they don't call, I don't go to work.

It's pretty freaking simple.

- Okay, it's pretty freaking simple.

All right, well, what's simple

is you should just get a full-time job.

If you had a full-time job, then I wouldn't find you here

dressed in your outfit from the night before.

And you couldn't even take your freaking shoes off?

- Please just go away!

- I'm gonna make some coffee.

- Thank you. - Welcome.

- Dad, can I get a refill?

- A refill, of course, for my favorite child.

- Okay. - Oh, favorite.

- There you go. - Oh.

- Okay, Dad, come on. - Did you see this?

I didn't realize that your brother moved back

into the house.

You still live here, huh? - Come on.

When are you gonna talk to me again?

- When am I gonna talk to you again?

I don't know if I'm ever gonna talk to you again.

A kid who keeps secrets.

Why I would ever talk to you?

- I'm not keeping se--I'm trying to protect you

'cause you're a little sensitive.

- Sensitive, sensitive?

I think you have me confused with somebody else, pal.

- Can I have some coffee? - Oh, yeah, sure, coffee?

Coming right up. There you go.

- Oh, thank you.

- Okay, are you gonna be cool when Maya gets here?

Remember, she's staying with us tonight

before we take off to Sweden tomorrow.

- Not only is he gonna be cool, he's gonna be

on his best behavior, which means no sulking.

- Sulking? Since when do I sulk?

- Dad, you're sulking right now.

Go look in the mirror.

- You know, I don't have time to look in the mirror

because I have work to do

on that beautiful car out in the driveway,

which is what I'm gonna do right now.

- Did he just call that car beautiful?

- Can you at least bring the coffee back?

- You know, I was thinking.

- Oh, boy, I hope you didn't hurt yourself.

- Very funny. You know that game,

Guess Who I Am.

I wanna play that with you,

and I want you to tell me who I sound like.

- Are you fucking kidding me?

- I used to dream of working in fashion,

but now I haven't had a real job in six months.

I also used to live in the city

but recently moved back into my childhood bedroom

to schnorr of my mother.

And the topping on the cake--

- I think you mean the icing on the cake or to top it off,

but go ahead.

- The topping on the cake is I no longer talk

to my lifelong best friend

because I'd let some guy get in the middle of our friendship.

Who am I?

- Have you been up all morning coming up

with this stupid little routine?

Sitting out here rehearsing your lines?

'Cause that's fucking sad, Ma.

- You need to figure out what you're gonna do with your life.

- My life is fine. Leave me alone.

- No, your life is not fine.

You think being a party girl is a fine life?

- Party girl. What the hell are you talking about?

- A fine life is a life where you're working

on Seventh Avenue, not mooching off your mother.

A life where you're living in the city, not here with me.

A life where your boyfriend is a nice guy,

maybe like Jimmy and not some older married man.

- Wait, you like Jimmy now? That's fucking new.

And I told you, that guy is not my boyfriend.

- Oh, yeah. Well, what is he then?

- I don't know, just a guy.

A guy to have a good time with. Why do you even fucking care?

- Because that's all you seem to wanna do these days,

have a good time.

Well, I don't need to tell you where that's gonna wind up.

- Yeah, well you seem to think this is all by choice, Ma.

And I gotta tell you it's fucking not.

But thanks for rubbing my nose in it.

[car honks]

That's my cab. Have a great day.

- Jill.

[10cc's "The Things We Do For Love"]

- ♪ Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river ♪

- Train station, thanks.

- ♪ Have drifted out to sea

♪ You lay your bets and then you pay the price ♪

♪ The things we do for love

all: ♪ The things we do for love

♪

- ♪ Communication is the problem to the answer ♪

♪ You've got her number and your hand is on the phone ♪

♪ The weather's turned, and all the lines are down ♪

♪ The things we do for love

all: ♪ The things we do for love

- ♪ Like walking in the rain

♪ And the snow when there's nowhere to go ♪

♪ And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying ♪

- Hi. - There's my girl.

- ♪ And you're looking for the answer in her eyes ♪

♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪

♪ Then she says she wants to make up ♪

- I can't believe you're here. - I missed you.

- Oh, my God.

Hey, thank you. Okay, let me get you inside.

- So, Maya, what is it that you do?

You a photographer, too?

- No, I work for the magazine actually.

For all the shoots I'm assigned to,

I do all the tedious stuff, like, coordinating travel,

visas, accommodations, stuff like that.

- Yeah, like our Sweden trip has been

a fucking logistical nightmare.

She's had to redo the schedule

and budget like 20 different times.

- Yeah, and like Jimmy, I only got to go home

for a few days to see my folks.

- Where is home again?

- California, up near Big Sur. Northern California.

My parents moved out there in the '60s

trying to escape the rat race.

- Get this.

They lived in a house with no electricity

till she was in high school.

- Yeah, I told them that if I had any chance of

getting into a decent college, I would need to be able

to study at night and not by candlelight.

- And this house her father built,

it was basically a log cabin, so you can see why

roughing out in Alaska was no big deal for her.

- Wait, I'm sorry. Your father built your house?

- Yeah, he's a real Mr. Fix It.

You know, he can build anything, fix anything.

- Oh, it's a shame that he's not here to help Artie

with that piece of crap right behind you.

Right, honey?

- Don't mock the old man.

I'll get it started soon enough,

even if it's without this one's help.

- Oh, the asshole who took me out of the routine to hit on me

and then completely threw off my rhythm?

Yeah, he should feel bad.

And no, I don't wanna go out with him.

All right. Look, I gotta go.

But yeah, we're still on for tonight, okay?

I'll see you at El Faro.

- Don't mind me.

I'm just getting some of my things.

- Look, Jill, I just wanna say

I'm sorry for the other night, okay?

It was really late, and I was tired,

and I know I was being obnoxious,

but the last thing I wanted was for you to move out.

- Yeah, I didn't wanna move out either.

I've been fucking living with my mom for a whole week,

and I wanna kill her.

- Okay, so then just move back in here.

- I would, but are you gonna be

cool with Henry coming here?

Stace, he's a really good guy.

He's really good to me.

- Yeah, I bet he is, but he's still married, Jill.

- I think I'm just gonna come back, like,

next week and get the rest of my stuff if that's okay.

- And by the way, I hope you have a really nice birthday.

It is today, right?

- It is today.

- Well, at least I didn't forget it this time.

- Yeah, I agree.

- All right.

- Excuse me, but what exactly are you doing?

- Hey, Mr. Farrell. Do me a favor.

Try and turn it over, will you?

- Try and turn it over?

- Yeah, if you don't mind.

- All right.

You ready?

- Okay. Turn it over again.

[engine grinding]

Okay, try it now.

- You almost got it.

- Okay, now give it some gas.

[engine turning over]

- [laughs] I don't fucking believe it.

Are you kidding me? What did you do?

- It was pretty simple. You weren't getting any spark.

Your coil wire is broken.

So I just did a temp job on it with some electrical tape.

- Holy shit. You got it started.

- I had nothing to do with it.

It was all this young lady right here.

Why didn't he tell me she knew a thing or two about cars?

- 'Cause I had no idea.

- I take after my dad in that respect.

If it's got an engine, I can fix it.

- Mazel tov, you got it running.

That means you can get it the hell out of my driveway.

- James, pay no attention to your mother.

What that actually means is tomorrow,

you and I can get started on the bodywork.

And you, thank you. James, you got a keeper.

[soft music]

- Hi. Thank you.

♪

- Hello, birthday girl.

- You scared me.

- You look stunning.

- Hi. - Hi.

- This place is really fucking cool.

- I want the best for you. Our table awaits.

♪

- Stacey, over here, girl.

- Sorry I'm late, boo.

Had the fucking craziest day today.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

It's given me plenty of time to scope out the crowd,

and you're never gonna believe who's here.

- Are you fucking kidding me, Patrick?

- Oh, come on. Just let me invite him over.

He's asked me about you every day since we started rehearsal.

- Yeah, well if he's so interested in me,

maybe he should have given me a part in the show.

- Well, to be perfectly honest,

you should consider yourself lucky.

The show sucks, but he's a good guy.

Come on. Let me just invite him over.

- Okay, okay.

[upbeat music]

- He's coming. Be nice. - I'm always nice.

I'm always nice, okay?

- Okay, darling. All right.

- Patrick. Stacey.

Nice surprise running into you guys here.

- Yeah, real surprise.

- All right, I may have put Patrick up to this.

So how are you?

- I'm good. - Yeah?

- Yeah, and you?

Patrick was telling me

that the show is really gonna be something special.

- Oh, yeah? I think he's been lying to you.

The show is fucking awful.

- Maybe the direction's lacking?

- Yeah, that could have something to do with it.

- I mean--but he does have an eye for talent, I must say.

- You think? - Yeah.

- I would strongly disagree.

- Well, maybe it's not too late to make up for that mistake.

- And go down with the sinking ship?

I don't think so.

- Well, I assume that Patrick's told you

I've been pestering him for your number.

- Yeah, I don't really shit where I eat.

You know what I'm saying?

- No, can't say I do.

- She doesn't go out with guys she works with.

- Or that I may potentially work with for that matter.

- Okay, what if I promise never to hire you

for one of my shitty-ass shows, hm?

Would you consider going on a date with me then?

- You might wanna take him up on that, Stacey.

As we were just discussing, once the show flops,

he's not gonna get hired again anytime soon.

- How about this?

Before you make any decision, you let me sit down

with you both and buy you another round.

- Your call, Stace.

- Well, I am broke,

and I would love another Martini, so yeah.

Okay, sure.

- You too? - Yeah, of course.

- Can I get two Martinis and another scotch, please?

- Oh, what are these?

I thought you were a nature photographer.

- Yeah, no, those are nothing.

- No, they are not nothing. These are fantastic.

I mean, are you serious?

This is beautiful.

- Yeah, you've heard me talk about them before actually.

That's Mikey and Stacey.

- No, I know, but the photograph itself is gorgeous.

- Really? You think so?

- Yes, I know so. - I don't know.

It was something new I was trying last summer.

- They're beautiful.

- You know, I always thought

I wanted to be a nature photographer like Bill Ford.

I mean, it's pretty fucking obvious.

And I--you know, I had this whole plan

that I'd take this cross-country drive

and take shots of the American landscape.

And then I thought, "Oh, maybe it might be cool

"to take some shots of the people

and the characters in those places too, you know?"

- Yeah, I like that.

You know, I bet we could pitch that to the magazine.

- Wait, really? You think?

- Yeah, and now that I got your car running,

when we get back from Sweden,

maybe you can take that road trip,

or maybe we can take it together.

- Wait a minute. You'd wanna do it with me?

- Of course. I could even help you organize

the whole thing, you know, map it out.

It's kind of what I do.

- Oh, it's what you do, huh? Can I tell you something?

You're the fucking best.

[soft music]

- Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Henry, this night is already so perfect.

Thank you for all of it.

- Well, there's going to be

a lot more of this in your future.

- Hm, well, I could get used to that.

♪

- Happy birthday, darling.

♪

So I told you I had a few surprises for you tonight,

and here is the first one.

Happy birthday.

Given your Audrey Hepburn obsession of late,

I figured we could complete the look.

- Are you fucking shitting me?

- Although I doubt she has the mouth you have.

- Oh, my God. I think I'm gonna fucking cry.

- No, don't cry. Dance with me instead.

- Well, you're getting a lot more

than just a dance tonight.

♪

- And for my next surprise,

I wanted to tell you that I love you.

♪

- What do you say?

Think we ought to give 'em a call?

I'll take the skinny one.

- Eh, she maybe got a date already.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Yeah, give me a minute. Let me go get her.

Hey, Artie, it's for Maya. Can you go get her?

- Why do I have to go get her?

- ' Cause I'm watching this.

- What if they are up there

doing what I assume they're up there doing?

- You think I wanna see that?

It's National Geographic.

It's important. Get your ass up.

- Jeez, I really don't wanna do this.

Is Genie home?

- Genie's out for the night.

- Great.

Jimmy?

Jimmy!

Jimmy!

- Did you hear that?

- No, I didn't hear anything.

- Clearly, they don't hear me. What do you want me to do?

- Go knock on the door.

- I'm not knocking on the freaking door.

Why don't you go up there and knock on the door?

- Coward. Jimmy!

- Okay, that I heard.

- Yeah, what is it?

- It's a phone call!

It's National Geographic for Maya!

- What?

- Maya's got a phone call! National Geographic!

- Oh, shit. Yeah, be right down!

- Was that so hard?

- You don't think I wanna get married?

I wanna get married. Everybody drives me crazy.

Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you.

You wanna go somewhere? You go ahead.

I don't wanna go.

- So I think I definitely owe you an apology

for completely fucking up your audition last week.

- Oh, you mean when you called me

to the front of the stage

in front of everybody just to hit on me?

- I wasn't hitting on you. - Oh, no?

- Nah, I just wanted to say hello.

- Huh.

I've actually been hit on hundreds of times,

so I think I know when a guy is hitting on me.

- I wasn't hitting on you. - No?

- At that point, I just wanted to say hello.

When you bumped into me in the lobby, all right, then yeah.

I might have been hitting on you.

- Right, well, your pickup game

is as bad as your directing skills apparently.

- Ow.

Um, this is me.

- Hey, think I can finally get your number

so I can personally ask you out

so I don't have to go through Patrick?

- You want my number? - Yeah.

- I thought you were gonna ask to come up.

- Well, I mean if that's an option.

- No, it's not.

- Okay.

- And I'm not gonna give you my number either,

but if I need to reach you, I know where to find you.

- Okay.

- That is unless your show gets canceled

in the meantime.

- Wow, okay.

- I'm only fucking around, but have a good night, Luke.

- You too, Stacey.

- And get home safe.

- Yeah, I gotta go work on my play, obviously.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Oh, here they come.

- We're gonna--we'll take

that in the kitchen if that's all right.

- I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Farrell.

I hope that's okay.

I gave them this number.

- After fixing the car today,

for you, you can do whatever you want in this house.

- I think they already did.

- I got it.

Hello?

Yes.

Really?

But I thought we cleared that.

It was in the approved budget.

No, really? Are you sure?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, well, I guess I have to, right?

Okay, bye.

Fuck.

You're not gonna believe this.

- Hey, what's going on?

- They've cut the budget by a pretty considerable amount.

You know, they're finally tired

of Mr. Ford's more outrageous demands.

- Yeah, so what does that mean?

- It means that they've had

to make some cuts to the crew and--

- Wait, don't tell me we're not going.

- Not we.

You.

- May I introduce a bottle of 1958 Chateau Margaux.

I picked the vintage for the obvious reason.

- This is too much.

You really didn't have to do all of this.

- Yes, I did.

And I'll explain why when I reveal my final surprise.

So I guess the easiest way to do this

is to come out and say it.

I've decided to leave my wife.

- What?

- Yes, it's something I've been thinking about for years.

And now with the way I feel about you,

I just can't go on lying to her, living that charade.

- Okay, so what does one do in that situation?

- Okay, what do you mean?

What does one do in that situation?

For starters, I think we could get a place together.

- Really? Like, move in together.

- Yes, I think it makes perfect sense, don't you?

Unless you like living at home with your mother.

- No, I don't, but...

I don't really know how to say this to you.

But I don't know that I'm really ready

for a step like that.

And I don't wanna get in the way of your marriage.

- Okay, we're a little late for that, darling.

- Yeah, but still, I just don't see us like that,

like a couple who would move in together.

It's--you know, it's a little serious, don't you think?

- Okay, well, take a look at this room,

take a look at the roses, take a look at the necklace

I've just bought you.

How much more serious do I need to be?

What is this to you then?

Is this a casual fling, a frivolous dalliance?

- Kind of.

I mean, no, it's just I kind of saw us, like, you know,

one of those couples in the movies.

Like, "Breakfast at Tiffany's." I'm Holly Golightly,

the young party girl, and you, you're--

- I'm the richer older man.

- I'm really sorry.

I just thought we were having a good time.

- Yes, we were up until this moment right here and now.

[Bonnie Tyler's "It's a Heartache"]

- ♪ It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache ♪

- Baby, look at me.

- ♪ Hits you when it's too late ♪

- We have to get used to this, right?

This is the life that we chose in this business.

And if we can't get used to it now,

then how will we be able to do it in the future

when we're old and miserable

and tired of having sex with one another, right?

- ♪ Feeling like a clown

- Not a chance.

- ♪ It's a heartache

♪ Nothing but a heartache

♪ Love him till your arms break ♪

- I'm really sorry about all this.

- Just get out.

- ♪ It ain't right with love to share ♪

♪ When you find he doesn't care for you ♪

♪

♪ It ain't wise to need someone ♪

♪ As much as I depended on you ♪

♪

♪ Oh, it's a heartache

♪ Nothing but a heartache

♪ Hits you when it's too late ♪

♪ Hits you when you're down

♪ It's a fool's game

♪ Nothing but a fool's game

♪ Standing in the cold rain

- You know I love you, right?

- Yeah. I love you, too.

♪

- I'm gonna write you every single day.

I promise. It's gonna be okay.

- You better.

- I will.

- All right, I should probably let you go,

or you're gonna miss your flight.

- ♪ He doesn't care for you

♪

- I'll be waiting right here.

♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪

[engine rumbles]