Original subtitles

- There he is.

- That Maya, by chance? - Yeah.

Man, I can't wait for you guys to meet her.

You're gonna love her. She's the best.

- Stacey, you remember Henry? - Oh, yeah.

You woke me up at 4:00 in the morning.

How could I forget?

Don't you think he's a little too old

for you and a little too slick,

and a little too fancy?

- Yeah, but he's also worldly, sophisticated,

charming, and really fucking rich.

- Yeah, you left out "married." - Well, nobody's perfect.

- Okay, well, can you go on without a drummer?

- We're a goddamn punk rock band,

and we can't be fucking punk rock

if we don't have a goddamn drummer!

- Why don't you ask Tammy to fill in?

- That's true, you were in band in high school.

- Ha-ha. Not funny.

[band playing]

[crowd cheering]

[car horn honks]

- Mm.

[car horns honking]

[tape hisses]

[upbeat music plays]

- Stace, what the fuck?

- I assume that's for my benefit.

- Stacey!

[groans]

[music stops]

- What the hell, Jill?

I have a big audition later today.

- I don't give a shit. I have to sleep.

- Yeah, that's why I waited till 11:00,

so the fucking two of you guys could sleep,

but now I have to work on my routine.

- And here I was thinking living with my best friend

would be a good fucking idea.

[music resumes]

I'm gonna fucking kill her.

- So, when does the new love get here?

- She flies in next week.

- You seem worried.

You afraid to introduce her to your crazy family,

afraid that she's gonna turn around

and jump right back on a plane out of here?

- No, it's not that.

It's--

promise me you won't say anything to Mom and Dad yet.

- Oh, sure. I promise.

- She and I are flying back out with National Geographic

at the end of that week.

- What? Are you shitting me?

For how long?

- About three months.

- Oh, fuck you, Jimmy. You can't do that to me.

I can't be alone with them... - Keep your voice down.

- for the whole summer. - Keep your voice down.

- No, I will not keep my voice down!

I'm fucking pissed at you.

You know how much that sucks? That really sucks.

Mom and Dad for a whole summer alone, thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot. Oh, God.

And you know Dad's gonna be devastated, too.

You know that, right? He's going to be totally PO'ed.

- Yeah, but just--okay, you're not gonna say anything to him,

and I'll tell him when the time is right.

- Good, good. When is that gonna be?

On your way to the fucking airport?

Fuck, Jimmy.

Well, you should at least tell Mom.

She'll know best how to break it to him.

- Oh, I've already heard. - Jesus.

You know, thanks a lot, Genie.

Thanks. - Can you believe that he's

gonna be gone the whole freaking summer?

I mean, Dad is gonna have

a coronary when he hears this news.

- Which is why you're gonna tell him James, not me.

- Michael. Michael.

- What? - Michael.

Just the man I was looking for.

Do you know what day it is?

- I don't know.Sunday?

- Today is your one year anniversary.

Don't you remember? It was a year ago today

you told me you were gonna piss away

your college education and do whatever the hell

it is you do out there in that garage.

- Mom, you know what I do. Okay, I paint.

Every single day I'm back there painting.

- Yeah, and you asked your father and I to give you

one year to pursue that pipe dream.

But guess what? Today, that year is up.

So I'm gonna need you to get your suit pressed

and your shoes shined,

and get your ass into the city

to find a real job.

Or else I'm gonna need you to find someplace else to live.

- Oh, come on, Mom.Really?

Look, I already told you this, what, like a thousand times.

I don't want to be an accountant.

Okay? I'm gonna be an artist.

- Victor-- - But in the meantime...

- He said it again. - I just got to figure it out.

Can you please come out here and talk some sense to him?

Because if he keeps going on about this artist nonsense,

I'm gonna lose my mind.

[both speaking Spanish]

Remember, we didn't send you to college to be an artist.

We sent you so you could get an education and a real job.

- Okay, so--so what do you want me to do, huh?

You want me to just give up on my dream?

Is that--is that what you want?

- Yes, exactly. And you know what else?

Maybe you should come to mass with your father and I.

Pray for forgiveness

for causing your parents such heartache.

Pray to Jesus to get you back on the right path again.

- Mom, Jesus doesn't care whether or not

I'm a painter or an artist or an accountant or--

- Maybe he doesn't, but we do.

And we own this house.

- Whatever.

- My head is in fucking pieces.

Ooh, is that tea?

- Oh, we drink tea now? No.

It's fucking coffee.

Rough night?

- No. Great night.

Rough morning, thanks to you.

What's this big audition you got anyhow?

- Oh, it's actually for an off-Broadway musical.

But it's not just for the ensemble.

It's for one of the leads, so it's kind of a big deal,

and that's why I needed to work on it this morning.

Not that you would care.

- Mm-hmm.

What?

Aw.

Hey, break a leg.

- Yeah, thanks.

Feel better.

- Okay, so this is what I'm thinking, right.

I don't want to get a real job, which means my parents

are gonna kick my ass out of the house,

and I can't afford a place on my own.

So I was thinking about asking Tammy

if she wanted to get a place together.

- I think that that is a great idea,

as long as she agrees to join the band.

- Not gonna happen. That was a one shot deal.

- Can we forget about the band for one second, okay?

Dude, you realize Tammy would never go for that, right?

- Why do you say that?

- 'Cause she's a good Catholic girl.

And living with you would be, like, living in sin.

Besides, even if she wanted to, her mother would never have it.

She'd sooner cut your balls off.

If you wanted to move in with her, you'd have to marry her.

- You know, I have been thinking

about the exact same thing.

- Sorry, what? - No.

- Did you just say--did he just say what I think he just said?

- He did, he said it.

- [laughing] Why is that such a crazy idea?

Huh? I mean, we've been dating

for what, almost a--a year?

I know my mom keeps asking me about it,

and her mother keeps asking her about it.

And I know they both keep seeing each other at church

and asking each other about it.

So I'm, like, you know what? It's time.

I love her, I'm making Mama proud

and I'm feeling good, so why not?

- Well, that's great that your mothers are discussing it,

but have you actually talked to Tammy about this?

- Yes, I have, Pags, actually a bunch of times.

And I know we've said, you know,

maybe we'd do it after she gets her MBA and stuff.

But now I'm thinking that if I ask her to marry me now,

she'll move in with me if we're engaged.

- Well, I think that's still

classifies as living in sin, my friend.

- Yeah, I don't think there's an amendment to the rule.

- I also don't think that this is the way

that you should be talking

about the rest of your fucking life.

Look, if you really get kicked out, you can move in with me,

but marriage, it's a big deal, all right?

Needs to be taken seriously.

Plus, you know, there's the band to consider.

- Pags, I already told you, dude,

I'm not coming at this lightly.

And besides, maybe my mom kicking me out is a sign

that now is the time for me to do it.

- You know what, my man?

If that's the way you feel about it, sláinte.

- See? That's my boy.

- Great.

So you're going away in a week. Now he's getting married.

Wanna tell me who I'm supposed to hang out with.

- All right. Cue music.

I want high energy, clean lines.

Remember your spacing for me.

All right. Get ready.

Here we go.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[upbeat music]

♪

Nice.

Seven and eight.

And clean, sharp.

Smooth it out. Nice.

Get your leg up, yellow shirt.

Okay. Nice transition.

And reach.

Thank you.

Nice. Thanks, everybody.

- Okay, uh,

Patrick, Stacey, Chris, Aubrey,

and Alexia, you guys stick around.

The rest of you, thank you very much.

- Hey, gorgeous. Remember me?

- Oh, my God, of course.

Patrick, how are you?

- Well, unlike someone else I know,

I never stopped busting my ass at this.

Whereas you have been doing what?

Living the high life and partying like a rock star,

I assume, because the last time I saw you,

you were a fucking mess.

- Who, me? - [laughs]

- No, never. - Yes. Yes, you girl.

Falling down drunk outside of some club.

I can't remember where, though. Do you remember that?

- Uh, if you don't remember it,

how the hell am I supposed to remember it?

Apparently, I was the one that was wasted.

- [laughing]Right.

Well, it's good to see you back at it.

You looked great out there.

- Thank you. Still feeling a bit rusty.

- Well, they called your name,right?

- Mm-hmm. - I know the director has

taken a special interestin you.

He's asked me about you a couple dozen times.

- Really? What does he wanna know?

- Oh, look who's here.

So you got a plan for tomorrow? - Are you asking me

if I'm gonna go look for an accounting job?

- Mm-hmm. - No.

But I do have a little favor to ask.

- Oh, you have a favor. - Yes.

- That's rich. Well, I have a favor for you.

Why don't you take the laundry upstairs?

- Mom, this is serious, okay?

Remember when Baba died,

you said that when it was time to propose to Tammy

that I could use her old engagement ring?

- Oh my God, are you serious?

When did you decide to do this?

- Well, I don't know. I've been thinking about it,

you know, and her and I talked about it.

And I just thought, if I love her, why wait?

You know, why wait to start the rest of my life?

So I was thinking about asking her tonight.

- Her mother's gonna be so happy.

You know, she calls all the time asking

when are you gonna make an honest woman of her daughter?

Oh my God, Mikey.

This is such beautiful news.

- What's going on here? - Your son has just given us

the most wonderful blessing.

- You got a job. - Even better.

He's gonna ask Tammy to marry him.

- Is this true?

- Yeah, Dad. I love her.

- Muchachito, por fin!

[chuckling] Come here big guy.

Can't tell you how proud I am of you.

Your mother and I have been praying for this day

since the two of you started dating.

When do you plan on asking her?

- He's gonna ask her tonight.

And he's gonna use Abuelita's ring.

- Wepa!

You see, Mikey, you just needed a good kick in the ass.

Something to motivate you to act,

to take control of your--

- Don't start, Victor.

Just go get the ring.

- Por fin! [laughing]

- Think he's a little happy?

- I can't thank you enough,Matty.

My son has been gone for a year,

and this is a perfect little project for us.

So I appreciate it.

- I'd say this is more than a little project.

Good luck with it.

- Thanks again. - All right, man.

- [whistles]

Jimmy!

Grab your camera, grab your sister,

and your mother while you're at it.

I got a little surprise for the family.

All right. Now, would you please

feast your eyes on that beauty?

- Arthur, what the hell is that?

- Pretty great, right? - No, not--

not at all.

Whose is it, and why is it here?

- It's for Jimmy.

I just had to it towed over from the junkyard.

- Oh, really, the junkyard? I never would have guessed.

- And why exactly would you do that, Arthur?

- James, would you please remind your mother.

- Uh, I don't really know, Dad.

- You don't remember?

High school graduation, what did you want?

You wanted me to get you an old muscle car

that we could work on together.

- Right. - Right?

I mean, come on, look at this thing.

This is the perfect summer project for us.

- Summer project. Boy, you're in for it now.

- Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy, get over here.

Do me a favor.

I wanna document the entire thing, all right?

From today

until we return it to its former glory.

- All right.

- You look beautiful together, Dad.

Perfect couple. - Yes, we do.

- Arthur, this is the first and last time

I'm getting in this thing.

- Famous last words, Mom.

- I don't wanna hear it outta you two.

This thing is gonna be great. Tell 'em, James.

- Gonna be great, Dad.

- So glad I'm not his favorite.

- You don't see the sign?

Thanks.

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

- Hello. - Hey.

Can you talk? - Yeah. What's up?

- I think I have a potentially huge problem on my hands.

- What kind of problem? - I think I need a change.

Like--like a big change, a radical change.

- Is this is about Mikey?

- I mean, that's definitely part of it,

but I don't know.

[sighing] I think it's somehow connected

to playing with the band last week.

God, I don't know, Jill. There was just something

about being up on stage with them

that just brought something out of me, you know,

something that I've never felt before.

And it just is making me rethink everything,

My--like, everything. My--my clothes,

my God, my hair, my-- my entire life.

I just feel like--

[sighs] I don't know.

And to make matters worse, I just heard from Mikey,

and he's got some huge surprise planned for me tonight,

which is the last thing I want to hear.

- Tam, listen to me.

You've been talking about breaking up

with him for months now.

What are you waiting for?

- I know. I'm just--I'm scared, I guess.

I've been waiting for the right moment to do it,

but it's just-- something always comes up.

It's either his birthday or my birthday

or our anniversary or Mother's Day or--

- Mother's Day? That's bullshit.

The two of you and your mothers,

that shit's gotta stop.

- It's hard. I don't want to hurt him.

What do I do?

- You do what I've been telling you to do for weeks now.

You break up with him.

And you do it sooner rather than later,

so you can get on with your life.

[woman] Tammy, can I get some help?

- All right. Thanks.

- Okay, everybody who was asked to stay,

please make your way back to the stage.

Once you find your places,

we're gonna take it from the top.

- Before we get started, the, uh,

young lady in the back with the purple stripes.

Uh, Stacey Ross--

- Stacey, that's you.

- Uh--um, yeah, that's me.

- Yeah, would you mind coming to the front

of the stage for a second?

Stacey.

You recognize me?

- Um, no. Should I?

- You used to tend bar over at Area, right?

- Yeah.

- I used to go in there all the time, we would talk.

- Uh, I'm sorry, I don't remember.

- You don't-- not ringing a bell?

I used to-- shorter hair back then.

Really?

- I'm sorry. - Okay, well, never mind.

Let's get to it, then.

- I'm sorry. - No.

- Okay, we'll have yellow shirt move upstage for me.

We'll have Stacey downstage. Thanks, guys.

All right. And cue music.

[upbeat music plays]

Keep that same energy as before, guys.

Thanks. And five, six, seven, eight.

Nice. Nice.

Cleaner turn, Stacey. That's it.

Nice. Smooth it out.

- Oh, hey. Sorry.

Stacey, right? - Mm-hmm.

- Hey, you were really good out there today.

- Yeah, just not good enough, apparently.

- Only have two leads in the show,

but, you know, keep at it.

You got a career in this if you want one.

- Okay. Well, maybe next time.

- Hey, look.

You really don't remember me?

I asked you out a few times. I mean, obviously,

you always said no, but--

- Listen, when you work in a club,

a lot of guys talk to you and a lot of guys ask you out.

And it's kind of hard to remember all those faces,

but, um, I don't know, it's good to see you again.

Even if you didn't like my dancing

nearly as much as you, apparently, like my bartending.

- It's not that. Just, I think, uh--

- Listen, I don't need the sob story, okay?

I get it. Good luck.

- It's kind of great how close our mothers are.

Don't you think? - Mm.

- It's like they're sisters.

They just talk all day, every single day.

- I don't know, I guess. I mean, sometimes I feel

like they're a little too interested in our business.

- Yeah, but I think of it as a blessing, you know,

for the future.

Them getting along, you know, and us being there,

and them being there for us, and helping us with things.

- Oh, yeah, uh, helping us with things.

What do you--what kind of-- what kind of things

do you think we'd need help with?

I mean-- - I don't know, well, you know,

just things that couples plan for in the future.

- Oh, things that couples plan for in the future.

- Hey, do you mind if we just take a seat real quick?

- Yeah. Yeah, okay.

[clears throat] - So--

so your mother didn't say anything to you

before you met me, right?

- No. Uh, was she supposed to?

- No, that's good. That's good.

I just--I have something I wanna ask you,

and I want it to be a surprise.

- A surprise? - Yes.

Tammy, for about a year--

- Uh, Mikey, what are you doing?

[clears throat] - I'm proposing.

What does it look like? - I don't think--

I don't think you should do that right now.

I don't, um-- - What?

Why not? - Because, I don't--

I don't think with us-- I don't think it's--

I think it's too soon, maybe. - Too soon?

We've been dating for a year.

- [sighs] - We've talked about this.

Our mothers have talked about this.

- Mikey.

- Tammy, I--I thought this was what you wanted.

Tammy?

Tammy, look at me. - Look, I'm sorry.

All right, I'm sorry, I just--I can't.

- Why not? - Because, Mikey,

I just don't--

I'm--

I'm just not in love with you anymore, Mikey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- [no audible dialogue]

[crying]

Fuck, man.

[sighs]

- What you got there?

Oh-ho, nice.

Some dirty pictures. Can I see?

- No, I'm--they're just some shots I took from the trip.

- Oh, so this is the new girl?

Hm, let me see what you're getting yourself into.

Okay, Jimmy, these are dirty pictures.

- Would you-- just give me that.

- Don't worry, Jimmy,

I've seen boobs before, plenty of them.

- Yeah, but not on my girlfriend.

- Are you forgetting all the times

that I walked in on you and Jill?

Because I haven't forgotten that.

Unforgettable.

By the way, was it weird seeing her at the barbecue last week?

'Cause I have to admit, I was worried you two would

see one another and then that would be it.

You'd be back in the throes again.

- Was it weird? Yeah.

Yeah. But I realized when I met Maya,

I needed to be with someone who has the same dreams as me.

You know, who's into the same stuff I'm into--

the outdoors, nature, camping, hiking.

- So basically someone who was willing to have sex in a tent.

- Hey, listen, there worst things to be into.

- [chuckling]

Oh, she sure is a fox.

And she looks sweet.

Sweet fox.

- Yeah, she is.

I think you're gonna like her.

- Good.

I'm looking forward to meeting her.

Can I keep this in the meantime?

- Give me that.

- So when are you gonna tell Dad you're leaving?

I assume you haven't spoken to him yet.

- No, not yet.

- Well, I'd suggest you might want to break the news

to him sooner rather than later.

Like, before Maya gets here.

You don't want her to see your father cry.

- You know what scares me? That he actually might.

- Want me to come along for moral support?

- Definitely not.

- Hm, okay. Hop to it.

♪ Carry on my wayward son

♪There'll be peace when you are done ♪

Hey, Dad.

How's it coming along?

- Well, we've got our work cut out for us this summer,

but nothing the Farrells can't handle.

- Yep. [laughs]

There's something we need to discuss.

- Yeah, what you got, kid?

- Well, it's about this girl I'm seeing now, Maya.

Just wanna make sure you guys are okay with her staying here.

- Yeah, totally.

As long as you're smart about it.

Remember, the walls in this house are thin.

- Yeah, uh, don't worry,

we'll be good with that.

But, um, something else we need to discuss.

- What's going on? You look worried sick.

- Well,

things went really well with Bill Ford, like, really well.

He likes me. He says I'm a real good

addition to the team, and that's why he invited me

on the trip to the Andes.

- Yeah, well, I would expect nothing less.

- And, you know shooting for National Geographic

has been my dream forever.

- Right. So what is it?

- Well, Mr. Ford then invited me and Maya on his next job,

and I said yes.

And, um,

I won't be around much this summer to help with the car.

- All right. So let me get this straight.

You said yes

without talking to your mother and father about it first?

- Yeah, I mean, it's a really good opportunity, right?

Not for nothing, but I'm 23 now, Dad.

- Yeah, I guess you're right. You are now old enough

to make these kind of decisions

without consulting with your parents first.

All right. So when do you leave?

- Next week. - Next week?

Get the fuck out of here, James.

Next week--I get one week with you this summer?

- It was too good an opportunity.

I--it's my dream. I had to say yes.

- Well, what am I gonna do with the Cougar, huh?

What am I gonna do with the Cougar?

You think about that at all? No.

Of course you didn't think about that,

because I guess we don't consult the father

about these things anymore, do we?

I'll tell you who's gonna be even more upset than me,

it's your mother.

- Actually, she seemed pretty okay with it

when I told her and Genie this morning.

- Your mother knows and your sister knows.

Everybody knows but Artie, is that it?

I'm the schnook that's left in the dark.

Great. Thanks a lot, pal.

Thanks a lot.

All right, I'm gonna tell you how this gonna go.

All right?

I'm gonna go up to the bar and drown my sorrows.

And you,

you can stay here and fix the Cougar by yourself.

Oh, by the way, have a great time with Bill Ford.

You hump.

- [whistling]

How'd it go?

- Christ, that was fucking rough.

- Yeah, well,

breakups are tough,

even when they're with your father.

- [muttering]

Hey, what do you think? Gloves or no gloves.

- Gloves, who do you think you are?

Audrey fucking Hepburn?

- It was kind of the point.

[doorbell buzzes]

Hey, I'm coming. I'll be right down.

[laughs] - Is that Hank?

- Yeah. Who else would it be?

- I don't know. I was kind of hoping

after you saw Jimmy last week, you'd come to your senses.

- What? No.

And you know, not that a barbecue

in Long Island isn't a lot of fun.

Sometimes you got to move on, hence the gloves.

- So why didn't he come up? Is he afraid of me?

- No. I just figured you would

be here and I wanted to save him the trouble

of getting his balls busted by you.

- Yeah, of course, I'd be here. I live here.

And it's my name on the lease.

- Your father's name, don't you mean?

- Same difference.

You know, I hope you know that he's never gonna

leave his wife for you, Jill.

I hope you know that. - [laughs]

Yeah, I do. And that's fine.

That's the point of this relationship.

I do what I want when I want.

- Right. What about his wife

and his family?

Don't you care about what you're doing to them?

How do you think they'd feel about you

doing what you want when you want it?

- That's real fucking rich coming from you, Stace.

- You have no fucking idea. - I think I do.

- Oh. - Have a good fucking night.

- Yeah, you too.

By the way, I didn't get the audition.

Totally fucking blew it, thanks for asking.

[doorbell buzzes]

[doorbell buzzing insistently]

Oh, what the hell?

You gotta be shitting me.

- [doorbell buzzing] - Are you fucking kidding me?

Hey, what the hell's going on?

- Stace, I'm sorry.

I left my keys up there, will you throw them down, please?

- Hey, you know it's 5:00 in the morning, right?

- Yeah, and what's that got to do with anything?

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, throw down my fucking keys.

- Not if he's coming up, Jill.

- Are you fucking kidding me?

Why are you being like this? Throw down my keys.

- Yeah, once he gets in a cab, I'll throw 'em down.

- Are you fucking serious?

- You know what, I don't need this shit from her.

I'll gladly get a cab if it means I don't have

to listen to any more of her bullshit.

- Oh, great idea. See you later, Hank!

- You shut the hell up!

You, where the hell are you gonna go?

Huh? - I'll go back to the office.

I'll get cleaned up there. No one will be in at this hour.

It'll be fine.

Are you going to be okay?

- Yeah, I'll be fine.

- Be safe.

- Thanks.

- Hey.

Hey, Jill.

Think fast.