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Periodically, on the road of life,

it is helpful to stand back and ask yourself...

"What were the events that led me to this place?"

Maybe we should start at the beginning.

I'm Bob.

And this is Amy.

We fell in love.

Got married.

And then...

- That wasn't so bad, was it? - Mm-mm.

Even with another round of IVF,

I'd put your chances of getting pregnant again

between two and three percent.

Do you think it's closer to two or three?

Amy, I don't think it's gonna happen.

Oh.

Oh, you poor woman.

It must be so horrible to have to tell people

things like that.

- It's the worst.

I know lots of nice people that don't have kids.

Oh! Oh, really? Oh, that's great.

You know, there's my Aunt Sally and--

Oh. Sally?

Don't say Don.

- Don't say Don. - Her husband Don.

Don. Stupid Don.

- I... I... I'm not... - God!

God! You know what?

I just-- I keep thinking that I did something wrong.

- What? - Yeah.

- No, no, no. - What is it? What did I do?

- No, no, no. - In college?

You... you can't... you can't think that. Okay?

You are perfect. You're perfect.

Maybe it's me. We don't know.

- It could be you. - Yeah!

It could be you. It could be you.

- It could be you. - Probably.

Probably it's you. It is you.

No, wait. No. No. Oh, I am not gonna give up, Bob.

I'm not. There is a play for us.

And we just-- we don't see it yet.

But this is not over.

- It's not? - No. No, no.

Oh, come on.

What do you think about the adoption idea?

- Oh, I'm not, uh--

- I need a little more time. - Hmm.

- Uh... - Hmm.

Can I just think about it some more?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can think about it.

Think about it.

I mean, I'm sad, too, you know?

Oh.

No, I know. I know. I know.

Bob, sit.

Could you close the door?

The Under Death review, I can't use it.

What was wrong with it?

You just wrote the word "“lies"” 912 times.

- How long did you want it?

You know as well as I do that we need to balance

our critiques with a respect for the artists and their fans.

I'm so depressed.

They think you're working out something personal,

and I do, too.

It's this whole trying-to-have-a-kid thing.

I feel like such a failure.

Look, I just think your head's not in the right place.

- Bill, I need this job. - Oh.

Hmm.

Okay. Okay.

Look. Um...

I'm gonna need to take you off rock and roll reviews

for a while.

I think...

Well, try a new area of music.

Something fresh.

Hey. What do you know about world music?

Mm.

Mm!

Do you remember when I was sharing

that house up on Lafayette with Nancy?

One day, we were doing laundry

and she just picked up a load, and she tossed it in,

and she didn't know that her cat Pumpkin was in it.

When Pumpkin hit the spin cycle,

it kinda sounded like this.

But, you know, you can kinda get into it

if you picture a cat caught in a washing machine.

I'm a clean kitty.

I'm a real clean kitty!

Spin cycle!

Oh! You is no fun!

I am now a world music critic.

Mm-hmm.

World music critics are no fun, Amy.

- Because world music is no fun.

Covering rock and roll is a cool job.

Covering world music is a pity job.

I have been given a pity job because I am no longer fit

to be with civilized people.

You're fit to be with me.

We fit.

- Hmm. A perfect fit.

I crazy love you.

I crazy love you, too.

Here you go, Deedee.

- Yeah?

- Oh, yeah. - Thank you.

There you go.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I'll be right here, Deedee. -Oh, okay.

Thank you.

"A charming, rustic, fixerupper.

Perfect, family home."

I need to know that I have your absolute trust

in this, okay?

And you know that I would only have our best intentions

at hand, okay? Do you trust me?

I need to know that I have your absolute trust

in this. Because if I don't...

Do you love me, Bob? 'Cause...

And how was your day, dear?

Angels are singing!

This is the same house?

Oops!

What?

Okay, great. Now, just center it.

Okay. A little to the right.

More to the right.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Just, um, a little back to the left.

Left. Okay. Now, down. Down.

I hate this piece.

So, what do you want for dinner?

I don't care.

- Chinese? - No.

- Pizza? - No.

So, what do you want for dinner?

I don't care.

-Indian. Oh, yeah.

I love Indian.

Actually, I don't like Indian.

I'm just saying, now that we have room,

it might be nice to have a little animal

hopping around the house.

Well, you sort of hop when you walk.

If you worked on it, we wouldn't need an animal.

Oh.

Maybe it would be good for you to have a pet, you know?

Something to take your mind off of yourself.

Justine has a rabbit.

It's a sign.

And so, started the short and tragic tale

of Binky the rabbit.

I was thinking that maybe we could call him Binky.

Go, let him down so he can go explore

his new house.

Oh. I have his cage all set up and it's very simple.

Just food, and water, and--

Oh. There's a chance that maybe we could litter box train him.

Justine did say that her bunny bites electrical cords,

but I'm sure that that's just hers.

- Ow!

He bit me!

Well, I'm sure that'll pass, too.

You should hold him for a while.

He'll just bite me.

Well, maybe that's how he shows affection.

You love me.

But you've never bitten me.

At least you've never drawn blood.

- Does he love the lamps, too?

Are you sure you don't wanna hold him?

I'll pass.

-What?

You wanna get out?

Hmm?

Hi.

Hi. Yeah, come on.

Hi, pal.

That's all right. That's all right.

- Hi.

Hi.

No, no! No, no, no, no! Hey, come back! Come back!

Binky! Binky!

Binky! Binky!

Binky, where did you go?

Where did he go?

- Binky?

Binky?

Binky!

Okay. Okay.

Now, we get it. Okay.

Oh, I hear you.

I have your favorite snack.

My fingers.

Okay, okay.

-Ah! Got ya!

Devil rabbit!

Binky!

How's it going?

- It's not. - Oh.

Do you think Binky's been a little sulky lately?

Binky couldn't be sulkier to me if he were made of marble.

Well, he's off his feed again.

- I'm gonna take him to the vet.

What are you doing just sitting...

-Oh, no.

Not Binky.

It's a good place.

I, uh... I always thought of this as his bush.

Dear God...

please accept the soul of Binky.

He was a good bunny, and we loved him.

And he loved us...

as best he could.

Do you wanna say anything?

Uh, no.

No, that was good.

I hate to think of him out there.

Bob?

We really need to fix the porch.

And that is how Rupert Murdoch came into our lives.

So, what were you thinking here?

Well, we were thinking it might be nice

to fix up the porch so we could use it.

Yeah. Just, uh...

fix it up.

My father built his house with his own two hands,

and nothing more than a hammer and a hand saw.

Winter of '38. Twenty degrees below.

Stayed in a tent the whole time.

Didn't turn to somebody, and say, "“Fix it up."

A man built his own house.

Nothing but some beans and a sturdy set of boots.

Those were men.

Yeah. I built a birdhouse.

Uh, fourth grade. Just me in the basement.

Some popsicle sticks, Elmer's glue.

Total lack of...

proper ventilation.

It's a big job. Could take a while.

It's just me and Gerard there.

My only son Gerard.

He has been a large disappointment to me.

The supports are all rotten.

Probably will have to be replaced.

Maybe all of '‘em.

I'm kinda surprised the thing is standing

in the first place.

- Is he all right? - He's fine.

He's crying.

I was just thinking of the winner.

And how heroic...

this little porch just...

standing valiantly against the elements.

And now... I'm sorry.

It's... Forgive me.

He's just been under a lot of stress.

We're talking around 4,000 dollars.

Bob!

- He says about 4,000. -Okay.

That'd be fine.

- So, when can you start? - Gerard, demo!

- A large disappointment.

♪ You never listen to a single word I say ♪

♪ But if you heard me you'd ignore me anyway ♪

I feel so stupid.

Bob, I think you should see someone.

Yeah, okay.

Here.

Dr. Glaser will see you now.

Now?

Thanks, Robin!

Hi. Come on in.

So, which anxiety medication would you like to try?

I've heard good things about Zoloft.

Uh, but maybe that's just for--

Yeah. No.

Zoloft's an antianxiety medication

with minimal side effects.

Okay. Um, what sort of side effects, I guess,

- I should ask-- - The usual.

Diarrhea, drowsiness, dizziness.

- So-- - Dyspepsia, fatigue, insomnia.

Then I should probably--

Loose stools, nausea, tremor, headaches, paresthesia,

anorexia, decreased libido, delayed ejaculation,

diaphoresis, ejaculation failure.

- Is-- - Xerostomia.

Uh...

How much would you like to take?

Um, some. Not a lot. Uh, just maybe some.

Sure. But the lowest clinical dose is 25 milligrams.

We could start off with 50 milligrams.

You're the doctor. No.

I just meant, um, you're the doctor.

Right. Well, I have to ask you a few questions.

Do you mind if I use the computer?

- Okay. - Thank you for allowing.

- Okay.

So, do... do people follow you?

Do you hear voices?

Do people plot against you?

Can I say sometimes?

Yeah. Okay. Sure. To which?

- Uh, all of them. - You hear voices?

Uh, well, no. Not really.

Oh. People follow you. People plot against you.

Uh, no.

Then-- So, that would be a no.

- Yes. - No.

Right.

What's your blood pressure?

I don't know.

I mean, is that just something everyone's supposed to know?

- Yeah. - Uh, what?

Like your social security number?

- Security number. - What?

Good! Really good. It's good session.

Made a lot of progress today.

- Broke a few windows. - Broke a few windows?

So, let's start you off with 100 milligrams,

and see where that goes.

You're the doctor.

The filter was clogged as well.

Oh.

That husband of yours should've known that.

Well, Bob is good at other things.

Just home repair is not his deal.

Hmm.

So, how long have you been married, Rupert?

I'm a widower.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Lost my Maggie when Gerard was born.

We knew it was dangerous.

Her having a baby so late and all, but...

- we'd always wanted a child. - Hmm.

We'd given up really.

We thought it was a gift from God.

So, there. It should be good.

Oh, how much do I owe you for that?

Nothin'.

Just tell that husband of yours to learn something useful.

Oh, I talked to Joan.

How's Joan?

Well, you know how she lives over by Richmond park?

She said that the pond over there

was just freezing over,

and all of the free water was getting smaller

and smaller, and there were these ducks

who were there in that spot all day.

Probably Canadian geese.

Oh, no. She said ducks.

They were domestic ducks, and they couldn't fly.

Mm.

Someone should go over there and rescue them.

I mean, ugh,

that would be a pretty darn wonderful thing to do.

- Ducks live outside. -So?

So, I'm just saying, you know, they probably know to...

you know, move.

Not get their little wet feet frozen.

That is not the point.

Oh. No, no.

That is not the point at all.

Okay.

The point is...

to just put yourself out there.

And... and take something like that on,

I mean, that is just...

- Pretty wonderful. - Pretty darn wonderful.

Amy.

By morning, that pond with be frozen over.

And they could get stuck, and go without food, and starve.

It is not your job to take care of every animal on the planet.

It's an hour's drive.

And it's the middle of the night.

And...

no one but a complete lunatic, a complete crazy person

would get out of their warm, safe bed,

and drive halfway across town

to dive into freezing cold water,

certain hypothermia for the sake

of a couple of lost ducks!

That was heroic, Bob.

I mean, I just wanna say...

heroic.

Not many men would have the courage

to go back that fourth time after breaking through the ice.

- Start the car. - Losing your shoes.

Start the car, Amy.

Oh, they seem so happy.

- I'll start the car.

I used to think I'd live and die right here.

But the older I get, I never used to mind the cold.

But now, when the cold weather starts,

I just can't get warm enough.

Well, when you get older, your metabolism slows down.

So, it makes it harder for your body

to generate body heat.

- The brains on you.

You should have been a doctor, Amy.

You really know your stuff.

Look at this.

You can hardly see a sliver of light

when the door is closed.

Hmm. I keep thinking Florida is the place for me.

Are you sure you would really like that, Rupert?

I mean, wouldn't you miss the change of seasons?

Uh, where does this kind of wood come from, Rupert?

I don't know, Bob. I think it's from a tree.

Oh, did I show you where we were gonna plant

- the marigolds? - Hmm.

There.

It's just over here to the left.

Welcome to my life.

Sucking up to my dad is like a dead-end, man.

- Do you smoke? - Oh, no, thanks. I'm cool.

Just try it.

Wouldn't need those pills.

Sorry. I hear my dad talking to your wife.

Are you fully crazy or just mildly zonked?

Somewhere in between.

Aren't we all?

Yeah. Rupert hates when people try to suck up to him.

Funny thing is I used to see him doing it to Grandpa

before he died.

Rupert used to try to suck up to Grandpa

just to try to get his approval.

I mean, the old man was so pissed

he quit medical school to marry my mom

and ended up another loser handyman.

I guess he wanted him to be a doctor or something.

Probably to suck up to his own dad

who probably hated him, too.

I got the cycle beat, though, hopefully.

I'm just never gonna have kids. Never.

And I don't care about anyone...

except Shirlee.

Shirlee moved here from, I think

it was Kansas, or New Jersey, or someplace.

Her dad had a job there, and he lost it on account

of, well, after Shirlee's mom split.

He had, like, a nervous breakdown.

He would sometimes just yell.

I don't know where the remote is, Dad.

You had it last!

When I first knew Shirlee, through all of tenth grade,

I thought she was real stuck up.

But then we started talking,

and I could see she was kinda nice.

I can honestly say,

Shirlee is the only person I've ever really loved.

- You wanna do it? - I don't have a condom.

Wait a minute.

In 1933, Ralph Wiley, a Dow Chemical lab worker,

accidentally discovered polyvinylidene chloride.

He called the substance eonite, after an indestructible material

in the comic strip "“Little Orphan Annie."”

It was approved for food packaging

and for paperboard coating in contact with fatty...

- ...and aqueous foods.

You sure this'll work?

Duh. It's polyvinylidene chloride.

Shirlee's real smart.

Dr. Rikk'll see you now.

I'm seeing Dr. Glaser.

Dr. Glaser left me your file.

You signed a consent form, if you remember--

No, it's fine.

Oh.

- Ugh. Ooh. - Uh...

Ah.

Cool. So, I'm totally up to speed.

Here, I can see how it would throw you.

- Change in therapist. - Uh, no. It's okay, I guess.

- It wasn't. - No. Not okay. Just is.

So, how's the Zoloft thing working for you?

Uh...

- Well, Dr. Rikk-- - Uh, Rikk.

You can call me Rikk.

It's my first name. Everybody just calls me Rikk.

I'm not big on the doctor thing.

Does the guitar bother you?

You're not gonna sing, are you?

I find it helps my, I say talkers.

I don't like the word patient. It's too medical.

♪ We're all just talkers And listeners ♪

♪ I'm just a big ear that's what I am ♪

♪ I'm just a big ear, and you?

I'm a big mouth?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, cool. How's this week been going?

- Uh, I have these sad moments. - Aw.

Well, I've always had them, but, uh, worse since Binky died.

- Binky? - He was a rabbit.

- A real rabbit? - Yes.

That's okay.

Amy thought it would be good for me.

- What's Amy? - A wife.

My wife.

That's okay.

Well, the thing is I felt no affection from him.

- He seemed to disapprove of me. - Binky?

Yeah. Uh, but now, and I know this is crazy, but--

No, no, no, no. Nothing's crazy in here.

I feel this tremendous sense of...

- Relief? - Loss.

- For Binky? - Yes.

- A rabbit? - Yes!

- Who disapproved of you? - Yes!

And he used to bite me? Can we stop the guitar?

And there it is.

I think we should talk about upping

your Zoloft a little.

Anyway, Rupert just hates this girl. This Shirlee.

And I guess Gerard has decided now

not to go to college, and Rupe thinks

it's because of this girl.

And, you know, I suppose it is.

I mean, it always is.

And I guess Rupe is making him pay him back for the car.

But now, Gerard's grades are just going

- straight downhill. - Do you find...

do you find it really hard to listen to other people

complain about their kids?

I mean, isn't it hard when someone has a kid...

and they complain?

Why don't we go talk to the adoption people?

I mean, why not, Bob?

Amy, I just don't see

how I could love someone else's kid.

It wouldn't be someone else's kid. It would be ours.

I... You know, it's just--

Look, I know, okay?

I know. It's me. It's me. But...

I just worry that after a while, in my head...

the kid would just be a reminder that we failed.

Is that how you see us?

As a failure?

Because we can't have children?

I mean, we are on this planet to do one thing,

and one thing only.

I mean, do you ever...

do you ever really think about that?

Oh, I think about it a lot.

Like, what we are is this mass of genetic material.

And what our job is is to get at least some

of that material into the next generation.

But not ours, Amy.

Not ours.

They guy at the bake shop, and Rupert, and the fat ladies

in the potato chip aisle at Walmart,

they get into the next round. But not us.

We are a genetic dead-end.

And when we die, there will be one huge,

disinterested cosmic "Oh, well."

Because we failed.

And we should just accept that.

At that moment, I had a revelation.

There was just too much space in the duck pen.

It just cried for more.

I think we need more ducks.

And then the duck and chicken market mysteriously dried up.

So, Amy discovered turkeys.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

- Hi.

Look. Do you wanna pet?

Say, hi!

I was losing myself.

Tomorrow, no water.

Dr. Iwuchukwu will see you now.

Doctor...

Thank you.

Well, Dr. Rikk is taking some time

to write his book.

Good luck with that.

And I inherited his caseload.

I hope that's...

Fine. I'm--

He left copious notes.

Unfortunately, I can't read his handwriting.

So, what's new since your last visit?

Uh, four ducks, seven geese, and three turkeys.

Is that some sort of a joke?

No. I'm--

Because I am not here for jokes.

I don't respond to jokes.

This is serious business.

Yes. Yeah. I know that.

It's not just every Tom, Dick, and Larry

that walks through these doors.

-Harry. - Excuse me?

Tom, Dick and Harry. You said, um...

you said Larry, but it's Harry.

But it could be Larry. Who's to say?

- Is that what you think, Harry? - Bob.

You think we just let anyone walk in here?

Well...

I assure you, they do not.

- If there is no trust... - There is!

- There is trust.

If there is no trust, I am wasting my time.

- I have better things to do. - I have trust.

Look. I am trusting. This is me trusting.

- Tell me, Larry. - Harry. Bob.

Whatever.

Do you know the river people of the lower Amazon?

Me? Uh... no.

You have so much to learn, Larry.

So much to learn.

All I wanted to do with my life was to sit in the sun

long enough to melt on a molecular level

into the golden spectrum of light itself.

♪ I had a dream I got everything I wanted ♪

If I couldn't do that, I wanted to manage Dairy Queen.

But none of that was gonna happen now.

♪ And if I'm being honest it might have been a nightmare ♪

♪ To anyone who might care

♪ Thought I could fly

♪ So, I stepped off the Golden

♪ Mm

♪ Nobody cried

♪ Nobody even noticed

♪ I saw them standing right there ♪

What's this?

Oh, Phoebe, you idiot!

Phoebe!

♪ And you say

♪ "As long as I'm here

Phoebe!

♪ No one can hurt you"

Phoebe!

Where are you? Stupid duck.

♪ If I could change the way that you see yourself ♪

♪ You wouldn't wonder why you hear ♪

♪ "They don't deserve you"

Binky?

♪ I tried to scream

♪ But my head was underwater

Binky?

♪ They called me weak

Today, Phoebe got out. And she was down by the river.

And when I went to catch her, a pink origami rabbit

in a yellow boat floated up to me.

And then turned into Binky.

I think it was a metaphor.

And then what happened was that Rupert and Gerard

finished the porch.

To celebrate, we asked Rupert and Gerard

to come for dinner. And Gerard asked

if he could bring his girlfriend Shirlee.

And we said, "Of course."

Gerard was really cool about me being pregnant.

And he said he'd do whatever I wanted, you know?

Get married or whatever.

Only I didn't know what I wanted.

And well, so, we thought it might be time

for some parental involvement.

And since my dad is, well...

We decided we'd tell Gerard's dad first.

And we thought it would be good to tell him

when we went to Bob and Amy's for dinner

because, you know, Bob and Amy are totally cool.

And maybe in front of people, Gerard's dad wouldn't freak out.

'Cause, you know, he hates me anyway.

So, I made the special brownie cookies

- with the M&Ms and raisins.

I made the special brownie cookies

with the M&Ms and raisins.

Bless you!

This is so totally cool. I can't believe you have this.

Yeah. It's not as raw as their first album,

but, uh, it still maintains the integrity, you know?

Where did you buy it?

Oh, you can't buy it. Um, it's an advance.

The record company sent it. You want it?

- You're kidding, right? - No. Here.

-Are you sure? -Of course.

Take it.

Dude.

- Here. - Thanks.

Enjoy it.

How do you get to do this?

Like, write about music and get paid and stuff.

Well, I was always passionate about music.

I was a lot like you.

Then I went to college.

Um, started writing for the school paper.

Started selling some stuff, and it just sorta happened.

You could do it.

Well, I mean, I was actually gonna--

I don't know.

I mean, I'm probably just gonna help out my dad.

There's a whole world out there, man.

Yeah, I know.

Let's see. What else we got, huh?

I just wanted this feeling of creating a harmony buffer

between the outside and the inside.

Like this place that sort of cleanses you

as you move between one and the other.

Do you feel that?

What's for dinner?

Mac and cheese.

The most important piece of molding in any house

is the piece just opposite the toilet.

Let's eat.

These cookies are really good, Shirlee.

Thank you.

They have this kind of...

- woody, nutty flavor. - Hmm.

- I'll have another.

- Rupert? - Well, okay.

- Me three.

None for me. Thanks.

-Is it mahogany? - Hmm.

Or like an oak?

- There it is. That wood. -Mm-hmm.

I didn't know wood had a smell.

Tastes... leafy to me.

- Ooh! - Mm-hmm.

- More iced tea there? -Oh, yes, please.

Ooh! I'll get that for you.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Hmm!

It is such a beautiful day.

I mean, really, really beautiful.

I've been unfair to you, Bob.

Oh! Just the... the air.

And the leaves, and the... the dirt, you know?

It's just-- this dirt is just...

just really beautiful.

I've been dismissive of you.

I never really expanded the way that I wanted to.

And...

I was stuck here for so many years.

And the truth is that I...

was sort of envious of you for doing something exciting

and creative.

I can't believe you did this.

I thought it was a good idea.

Does being pregnant make you stupid?

That's not fair.

It's the stuff Judy brought back from Maoi.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah, right.

- Did you save me some? - Yeah. I put some in the fridge.

You threatened me.

And so, I looked for opportunities

to put you down.

And it's just not a very nice thing to do.

This... this tree, you know? This tree is just... just wow!

Does anybody want any potato chips?

Oh, God, yes! God, yes!

Hmm!

- Mm. -Okay.

Uh, first of all, don't freak out.

But Shirlee put weed in the cookies.

- Oh. - Hmm.

It probably wasn't appropriate. Sorry.

And also, she's pregnant.

Oh.

I knew it.

Of all the stupid, silly...

Now, you've done it!

Didn't anyone ever tell you about protection?

- We had protection. - Saran Wrap.

You've ruined your life. You could've been something.

- Yeah, like you? - Yeah. Like me. Look at me.

So, what? You regret everything?

You regret Mom? You regret me?

- No. - No?

Well, I find that pretty hard to believe considering

that's how you've treated me my whole life.

I gave up everything for you,

and not so you could ruin your life with some tramp!

- Don't you call her that! - Tramp!

- I wish I was never born! - Never say that!

Oh, no! Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Saran wrap?

You must think I'm horrible.

I don't think you're horrible.

I put weed in the cookies because that's how I make them.

And I just thought it would make everyone happy.

And I don't want... I don't wanna have this baby.

And I don't wanna ruin Gerard's life,

or piss off his dad, or...

- I know.

- You do? - Mm-hmm.

I know I should just get rid of it.

I just can't. I... I know I couldn't.

Like, I would never...

I'm just not ready to be a mom, you know? Not yet.

I'm such a terrible person.

No. No, no.

I don't think that you're terrible.

- Hey.

You just made a mistake.

Well, I'm probably going to hell

because God does not like mistakes.

Well, if that were true,

why would he let us make so many of them?

It is my humble opinion

that God just butt over tea kettle loves mistakes.

That was really a great thing to say to me.

I felt terrible.

You made me feel good.

- Gerard gonna be okay? - Yeah.

He'll wander around for a while.

Make his way back to the house.

He was right, you know?

- About what? - I did resent him.

I resented him for his mom dying.

Just like I resented her for me not finishing college.

Just like I resented my dad

'cause he didn't want me to marry Maggie.

Just like he resented me

for doing exactly what he never wanted me to do,

which was exactly what he had done.

It's a cycle. Generation after generation.

Running as fast as we can in the wrong direction.

- You okay to drive? - Oh, yeah.

Pretty good weed in those cookies, though, huh?

I spent three years in Ann Arbor.

If you learn anything, it's quality weed.

- What? - Okay. This was totally my idea.

What do you think this is, Amy, huh? A puppy?

No. I do not think this is a puppy, Bob.

I mean, God!

She comes to someone's house for the first time

for a nice meal, she puts dope in the cookies.

- Who knows what she's on? - Don't overreact!

It was just a little pot.

Oh, yeah. That's where it starts.

And then what's next, hmm? Cocaine? Heroin? Crystal meth?

-Bob. - A drug-addicted mom.

All right. Just stop it. This is a young girl.

This is a sweet, young girl who made a mistake.

And is scared. And needs our help.

- We don't even know her! - It's a baby, Bob!

God put this baby on our doorstep.

- This is a gift from God, Bob! - You know, wait.

Why don't you two wait until she has the baby, okay?

'Cause then she can put it in a little reed boat

and float it up to you.

And you can find it in the rushes.

Now, there! There is a gift from God!

This is why you are so miserable!

You just sit, and you worry about all of the bad things

that could possibly happen.

And you just let your whole life pass you by.

You are so afraid of everything that you cannot see

when something wonderful,

I mean, something just so wonderful is just here.

And no amount of Zoloft is gonna help!

Look. Before we got married, I told you I didn't want kids.

And I went along with the pregnancy thing.

And you know what? It didn't work out.

And we both would've been better off

if we'd just never opened that door in the first place.

So, now, that's it. This whole baby thing is over.

She needs a ride home.

Doesn't she have someone she could call--

Bob, she needs a ride home, Bob!

You drive her, Bob!

You go, get in the car, and you drive her home, Bob!

Okay.

Okay, here.

I'll wait till you get in.

Have you ever read "“The Red Queen:

Sex and The Evolution Of Human Nature by Matt Ridley?"”

- Uh, no. - Oh.

Well, you know, running as fast as you can

to stay in the same place.

Okay, whatever.

Um, the thing is, well, everyone has two parents,

four grandparents, eight great-grandparents,

16 great-great-grandparents, and so on. Whatever.

And if you follow that back just 30 generations,

which puts us at about AD 1066,

which is right around the time of William the Conqueror

and King Harold. Very cool.

In that same generation,

you had a billion direct ancestors.

I mean, a billion people carrying your genetic material!

How cool is that?

And even cooler, in AD 1066, there wasn't even

a billion people on the planet yet.

You got it?

Uh, no.

Just... just think about that.

The human gene pool isn't a pool at all.

It's like... it's like a teaspoon.

Yes, it's me, Dad! God!

- I... I gotta go. - Yeah.

Thanks for the ride.

The next morning, when I woke up,

the whole world felt different.

I felt as if I had let another baby slip away.

I was destroyed.

I knew, in my heart, that my only hope

of ever being happy again would lie in my ability

to forgive myself. To not blame myself.

And so, I tried my best to blame Bob.

The world just doesn't make sense

if every problem doesn't have a solution.

Bob could not accept a child that was not our own.

But we needed a baby.

So, I just had to get the message to my body.

I just hadn't made my case yet.

I had to write this message in big, capital letters,

tie it to a rock, and...

Can anyone tell me the definition

of the word fruit?

Amy.

"The word fruit can mean the consequence

of some effort or action.

Such as, 'Wretched Bob lived long enough

to suffer the fruit of his madness.'

But in botany, a fruit is the ripened ovary,

together with its seeds, of a flowering plant.

Ovary and seed.

♪ One, two, three, go!

I focused all my energy on the first bite.

That first taste of syrupy, slurpie, sweet-scented, lush.

There was no me, no Bob, no baby,

in a crystalline rush of inexplicable profundity

there was only ovulation, and fertilization, and life,

and ovulation, and fertilization, and life,

and ovulation, and fertilization, and life.

I went in and out of myself,

and it filled me with a sense of direction

I had never experienced!

With every fertile bite, I was screaming at my body.

Get... the message!

♪ All this darkness been going on too long ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ All this time, I thought you were a leader ♪

♪ It turns out you only a deleter ♪

More fruit!

♪ It's the future and I'm braindead ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm destitute

♪ Yeah, I feel no roots anymore ♪

♪ Take another picture

♪ Show 'em what you're doing

♪ All this time we're burning with the fever ♪

♪ It turn out I've always been a healer ♪

♪ No, no, no, no

♪ Yeah, yeah

Fed the ducks.

Okay.

And the turkeys.

Good for you.

So, are you gonna do just nothing now?

I am doing something.

I'm doing a lot.

I am a flurry of activity.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

It's just that you look like you were just eating fruit.

It's important, Bob.

Oh, okay.

Dr. Sanders will see you now.

How do you keep these names straight?

It's a gift.

So, for days, she's done nothing

but sit on the porch, eating fruit.

Like, massive amounts of fruit.

Like a small South American country.

I don't know.

I know I'm just being selfish, you know?

It would be so perfect.

These poor kids, they don't know what to do.

I just-- I cannot get this idea out of my head.

I just...

I mean, I can barely take care of myself.

I'm just so sad all the time.

And the world just seems so dark.

And I just do not want any part of bringing another life

into th-- and I know

that we're not bringing the life,

but it is... it is all I can do to function.

I don't know.

Maybe we should just up my Zoloft again.

What do you think, Doctor...

What was it? Sanders?

Is that right? Dr. Sanders?

- Should we-- Jesus!

Get off. Breathe!

I don't want to die!

Then this was not a good thing to do! Help!

-Help! Somebody!

Let me go. - Can you get the rope off?

I can't. I tied it too tight!

- I'm worthless. - No! No, you're not!

What am I good for?

Well, for instance, you're a good knot-tier.

- Don't let me go! - I won't!

My therapist tried to hang himself.

-When? - During my session.

What do you mean during your session?

Well, I was talking, and I looked up,

and there he was, hanging from the ceiling.

- You mean, like, by the neck? - Well, yes, of course.

What did you do?

Well, I got him--

I got him up on my shoulders, and I yelled, "Help, help!"

But there was no one there, and he weighed a ton,

and my neck's all screwed up.

Is he okay?

I don't know. They took him to the hospital.

When the paramedics got there, he became hysterical,

and they had to take him out in restraints.

Next week, you should tell them that you want someone else.

He was the best one.

You're kidding.

Oh, no. Something happened to me.

I had to hold Dr. Sanders up for a whole hour.

I mean, he was so heavy,

and I was afraid that if I let him go...

- I don't wanna die. - I got you.

I'm sorry. This is really unprofessional.

No. No, it's good.

I wasn't thinking about myself, or you, or writing,

or the world.

I was just thinking

about his fat legs on my shoulders.

And keeping my legs locked. And not letting him go.

Just holding him up, you know?

And just caring for this guy in this very simple way.

It made me... happy.

Oh, my God!

I am not paying for this session!

Amy?

Please do not say anything crazy right now.

I feel like...

I feel like something big has been fixed inside of me.

I am seeing everything so different.

'It's...'it's like I feel this sense of optimism,

and hope, and great promise, and... and all of that is rooted

in my connection with you.

And I wanna share that!

Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy.

You were right.

I wanna call Shirlee, and adopt this baby,

and raise it in love and nurturing.

And to believe in all that is possible

in this wonderful world... with you, together.

- Ow. - Who are you?

♪ Why should I feel discouraged? ♪

♪ And why should the shadows come? ♪

♪ And why should my heart feel lonely ♪

♪ And long for heav'n and home? ♪

♪ When Jesus is my portion

♪ My constant friend is He

♪ His eye is on the sparrow

♪ And I know He watches over me ♪

I think we should be very careful

- as we think about this. - Freaky deekey.

We would wanna pay for all medical bills,

of course.

Um, any expense, right, Amy? Right?

Amy, maybe someone else would like fruit.

There are crackers. They can eat crackers.

I just don't understand...

after the baby comes... who are we?

- What are we... - To the baby.

Well, I think that would be up to Bob and Amy.

I mean, they're the baby's parents.

Right?

Well, I've been reading about open adoption--

Oh, man!

Which is what this is.

And it sounds very healthy to me.

Very honest. No secrets.

The baby will always know who Gerard and Shirlee are.

Hmm.

And, of course, you, Rupert.

Me what?

It'll know who you are.

Oh. Well, that's a damn sight more than I know right now.

Can you just be positive about this? Just for once.

This is a good thing. I think this is a good thing.

A good thing? Okay.

I don't understand this is your blood, your child.

How do you just give it away?

It's not just blood. It's a spirit.

Like all of us sitting here. It's a spirit.

Spare us your views on life, Shirlee.

You're just a kid. What do you know?

I am a kid. I know that.

And we did a stupid thing.

Kids do stupid things.

But just because we made one mistake

doesn't mean we have to make another.

And just don't think that this is easy for me.

That I don't...

love this baby.

It's easy to hang onto a child that you love.

Loving a child so much that you're willing

to let it go, that isn't so easy.

And now, I have to pee.

Sorry.

I really got into the whole idea of the baby.

I don't know how to describe it.

There were days when I just forgot

to take my medication.

I became, in some strange way, naturally high.

It seemed like all the events of my life

were leading to this moment.

I had a purpose. A simple, clear purpose.

And I was filled with joy.

Even though Shirlee was only in her first trimester,

and I wasn't the biological father...

I started having sympathy pains.

Ooh. That was a big one.

I found this really fascinating website.

Did you know it's possible for adoptive mothers to nurse?

Please stop now.

Not only possible, but really healthy

for both baby and mommy.

I guess the critical thing is for mommy to learn

the proper way to latch baby on the breast.

Duct tape.

Frequent and effective breast stimulation,

and a secure, deep latch-on helps mommy make more milk.

Hmm.

Well, if daddy knows so much about it,

why doesn't daddy just do it?

Where is the blush of expectant motherhood?

I just don't get it, Amy.

What is bothering you?

I found six packages of diapers underneath the bed.

Six! Are, you, uh... you're buying diapers now?

It is never too early to be prepared.

Oh, my God. I just-- You know what, Bob?

I cannot keep up.

I mean, you go straight from catatonic

to Martha freaking Stewart.

Do not pass, go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

God. They are so cute. Their tiny little butts in this.

How cute is that?

It is a receptacle for shit, Bob.

No matter how many little ducks and little fishes

you put on the outside,

that will eventually be just a bag of shit!

Now, what is this?

I mean, this isn't you. You have never--

No, no, no.

- Do not touch that. - All right, enough.

- No, no, no. Don't. -No. Amy, Amy--

No, no, no! No! Let go! Get your hands--

- Amy. Amy, stop. - No, let go!

-Amy. Amy, stop it! - Let go!

- No! -Please.

- No, no, no, no! - Amy, Amy.

- Stop! - Amy!

- Please stop! - Amy, Amy, Amy!

- Stop! - Amy!

Hey! Hey! Hey! It's okay!

- No! - No, no, no. It's okay.

No, but it was a biological function! It was!

No. It was something

that was just supposed to happen!

I mean, what was all of that?

All of those teachers, and parents,

and nuns warning us about getting pregnant.

About having sex

because we would just get pregnant, like boom!

You know, like a guy just looks at you,

and then you just, like, get pregnant.

And that's how it happens.

All of that worrying, and the pill,

and the diaphragm, and the rubbers,

I mean, what was that all for?

Lies!

I have been living in this body my entire life,

and it has all been one big lie!

I mean, I went to college.

I am a nurse, dammit!

I went to medical school,

and I voted in every single election,

and I've flossed very regularly.

And that little bitch,

first time out of the gate and she gets a baby!

She gets a baby!

Where's my baby?

Where is my baby?

It was just something that was supposed to happen.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Amy, we didn't.

Amy...

I know.

I didn't think...

I didn't think I could take care of a baby.

You know, I thought I was weak.

But I'm not. I'm strong.

And I didn't think I could love someone else's baby.

But you know what, Amy? There's no such thing.

No. It doesn't make any sense.

There's no such thing as someone else's baby.

It doesn't make sense.

Yes, it does. No. Listen me.

It does make sense.

Because you had two parents, and four grandparents,

and eight great-grandparents.

And just 1,000 years ago,

there weren't even a billion people on the planet.

- It's too late. - No, no.

Our children are Shirlee's children,

and Gerard's children, and Justine's, and Bill's,

and the guy who sold us Binky,

and the woman who sold us the turkeys.

Our children are theirs and their children are ours

because... because it isn't about blood,

or genes, or DNA, Amy.

That is what we are.

What we are, Amy.

It isn't what we are that needs to go on.

It's what we are to each other.

That is the chain.

What you are to me...

and what I am to you...

and what we are to our children,

and our children's children, and their children.

This is our baby.

This is our baby.

Each day was filled with this new sense of promise.

I was so excited that Bob and Amy

were gonna take the baby.

I knew it would be the best thing

for all of us.

And Bob and Amy seemed like

they would be such terrific parents.

In fact, they were just the kind of parents

I wish I would've had.

You know, the kind that would take you to soccer,

and make sure you did your home work,

and brushed your teeth, and...

Excuse me. Do you know where I can pick up the highway?

I'm trying to get to Springfield.

Just down the road about a quarter mile.

You make a left. You can't miss it.

Thanks.

- Do you live in Springfield? - Yeah. I was just in Chicago.

Such a cool town.

Yeah. I didn't see much of it.

I was there for a training seminar for work.

Cool.

My dad has a Dairy Queen. I'm going to be the manager.

Dear Gerard, I'm really sorry to do this in a note,

but so much has happened, and I'm so freaked out.

First, let me say I really love you,

and I always will.

But I met this guy a few weeks ago,

and we've been texting, and he asked me to marry him.

His name is Jerry, and he's cool about the baby.

He's got a good job.

And I know you'd really love him.

I thought about it a lot.

And I think this is the right thing to do.

Sorry. I didn't know it was for you.

Please be happy for me. Love, Shirlee.

PS, if you're ever in Springfield,

come to the Dairy Queen.

I can get you all the free stuff.

Jerry and I did get married, and we were very happy.

When the baby was born, we named him Austin,

after Jerry's Dad.

Jerry and I did great. We made an unstoppable team.

Throughout it all, Austin was our prize.

He went to medical school, and graduated top of his class,

and became a highly respected surgeon.

There are lots of times when I think about how different

Austin's life might have been.

Funny how things work out.

Well...

let's get some dinner.

I did see Shirlee one other time.

I figured it was him. The baby, I mean.

He looked real cute.

I couldn't tell if he looked like me or not.

But it didn't really matter.

I just didn't want Shirlee to see me.

I didn't really wanna meet the kid either.

All I wanted then was to just get out of this place.

The next fall, I entered music school.

Dad and I barely said goodbye when I left.

It would've been nice to patch things up between us.

I always planned to try.

But he died suddenly during my junior year.

I guess not every story ends good.

Still, even years later, most of the stuff he built

is still around.

In fact, I've been told that the real estate people

use it as a selling point. They tell people,

"And it has a Rupert Murdoch porch!"”

I guess that makes it worth more.

I became a high school band director,

and there I stayed.

I did get married once, but it didn't last long,

and I never tried it again.

I never had kids of my own.

My students were my kids.

And I tried to give each one of them

a little piece of me to carry on.

I think some of them did. I hope so.

Like my Dad, I had a massive heart attack

- when I was the same age.

Fifty-nine.

The doctors worked hard to try and save me,

but it was no use.

He's gone, Doctor. You have to call it.

Okay, calling it. Time of death, 4:53.

Damn it!

You can't save them all, Austin.

- Did we get this guy's name? -Gerard Murdoch.

No family.

Well, Mister Murdoch, I'm sorry. God speed.

- Thank you, nurse. -You're welcome, Doctor.

I guess she met this other guy.

He's got a good job.

- She wrote a letter.

-For us? - Just the last part.

"Another PS, tell Bob and Amy sorry.

I hope they're not too bummed."

Thank you.

Well, I guess I'll go now.

Bye, Amy.

♪ Alone, one man

♪ One man can change the mind of a woman if he tries ♪

♪ He might use truth, he might use lies ♪

♪ Alone, one woman

♪ One woman, all alone she can change a man ♪

♪ She'll do all that she can

♪ Trying hard to figure out what's already been done ♪

♪ Before he was her husband

♪ He was just some poor woman's son ♪

♪ And she's not suggesting someone else might be to blame ♪

♪ Just men and women equal but we're not the same ♪

Oh, Bob.

I never really loved... another person.

Another whole person.

I never felt, uh...

Oh, God, Amy.

I just love you so much.

Then just stop now.

Don't say "“but."”

But...

Man...

I can't, uh...

I can't stay here with you for a while.

I just can't be with you, and it really, really hurts.

Well, if it really, really hurts...

don't go.

It'll really, really hurt more to stay.

So, what?

So, you think, what, you...

you wanna what?

I'm thinking I need to...

maybe move back into town, uh, for a while.

Okay.

That's such a quiet word, isn't it?

Okay.

I packed you some pots, and pans, and some plates.

- Oh, I really don't need-- - Well, you have to eat.

You have to cook.

I just need maybe one pot and one plate.

You're not going to camp, Bob.

I mean, what if you...

You might have someone over.

People.

- I don't like people. - I know.

Just in case you find some.

You're the only people I ever really liked.

I meant that as something nice.

Uh, something nice to say.

Do we have any more tape?

Uh... uh, yeah.

Um, in the barn, next to the turkey pen.

- Um... - Mm.

-I'll go get it. - Hmm.

Sorry.

-Amy!

Somebody, we need some help! Somebody, hello?

- Hello! - Where is everyone? Hello!

- It's an emergency! - Come on!

Hello?

It doesn't look good.

- What did that? - What was it, a fox or...

I think it was one of the other turkeys.

One of the others?

Well, they get really territorial this time of year.

You know, maybe one of '‘em laid an egg.

And maybe this one was roosting in a spot

that the other ones wanted. Who knows?

There's a lot of tissue damage, and that might heal,

but the eyes are gone.

So, what do we do?

Well, um, you could make her comfortable.

Try to get her to drink a little water.

I doubt she'll make it through the night.

I'm sorry.

Uh, Marge has your paperwork.

Dr. Bennett is only charging for the medicine.

Oh. Thanks, Marge.

Thanks. I don't suppose the bird has a name.

No. We, um...

We never got around to naming her.

Hazel.

I call her Hazel.

Thanks.

I'm so sorry.

Ready?

Come on, Hazel. Just a little, huh?

-You're gonna be fine.

I checked, and being blind

isn't gonna be that hard for you. We'll manage.

Come on, just a little.

I'm gonna run to the Hometown store

to pick up some of the stuff the vet recommended.

Uh, no, no. Wait here.

You hate to drive at night. I'll go.

Just, uh... just if you can take her.

-It's okay. It's okay.

Try and get her to drink.

Okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

The place where something starts

is sometimes the end.

She's gone, Bob.

Dear God...

accept the soul of Hazel.

We loved her.

And she loved us the best she could.

Goodbye, Hazel.

I thought we'd put her out by the elms.

It's quiet there.

Okay.

What is that?

What do we do?

We put it in the nest with the other eggs.

But when it hatches...

how will we know which one is hers?

Is it important?

For a while, I kept up Binky's monument.

But then as our lives got busier,

I gradually let it go.

I remember the days before we got the call

from the adoption agency

as being some of the happiest of my life.

The air was ripe with expectation.

The world was as promising as an egg.

In those days, we lived as if in a dream.

And as if a dream lived in us.

We knew someplace out there, we did have a baby.

Our baby.

And it became inevitable now that we find each other.

♪ When I wake up in the morning, love ♪

♪ And the sunlight hurts my eyes ♪

Oh, yeah.

Because although the universe is a very big place...

-Oh...

...it is actually not so easy to get lost.

Because all the beginnings and all the endings

are really just the same.

Because 1,000 years ago,

there were less than a billion people on the planet.

And someplace inside all of them was you.

♪ A lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ A lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ A lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ A lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ A lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Lovely day, lovely day

♪ Why should I feel discouraged? ♪

♪ And why should the shadows come? ♪

♪ And why should my heart feel lonely ♪

♪ And long for heav'n and home? ♪

♪ When Jesus is my portion

♪ My constant friend is He

♪ His eye is on the sparrow

♪ And I know He watches over me ♪

♪ His eye is on the sparrow

♪ And I know He watches me

♪ And I sing because I'm happy ♪

♪ And I sing because I'm free

♪ His eye is on the sparrow

♪ And I know He watches me

♪ Oh, His eye is on the sparrow ♪

♪ And I know He watches

♪ Yes, I know He watches

♪ I know He watches over me

♪ I sing because I'm happy

♪ Yes, I sing because I'm free ♪

♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow

♪ And I know He watches over me ♪

♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow

♪ I know He watches over me

♪ Oh, I know and I know

♪ Oh, I know

♪ Oh, yes, I know

♪ He watches me