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We now turn to the hostile nation
of North Korea.
2
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The rocket they are testing
is big enough...
3
00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:49,610
...to reach the West Coast
of the United States.
4
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:53,739
Today, an official of the United Nations
tried to tell the world...
5
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,658
...so there will be no mistake...
6
00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:59,036
...that we are living in the midst
of a modern-day Hitler.
7
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,581
A young, untested leader
with nuclear ambition--
8
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,375
-Kim Jong-un.
-Kim Jong-un.
9
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,794
We are talking about Kim Jong-un.
10
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:10,464
Good evening. I'm Dave Skylark.
11
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:14,093
Tonight, we are joined
by 13-time Grammy winner...
12
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:17,304
...Oscar-winning songwriter,
Detroit's own:
13
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,514
Eminem.
14
00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:22,768
He'll speak with us about his new album
which has been mired in controversy...
15
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,980
...concerning lyrics
that some view as demeaning...
16
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,898
...to the elderly.
17
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,275
Tonight...
18
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,235
...on Skylark Tonight.
19
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,245
And...
20
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,746
...action.
21
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,832
"It's hell to be Shady
22
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:49,336
Yesterday, I yelled a degrading insult
At an elderly lady
23
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,840
Then I asked her how it felt to be 80
24
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:55,926
F-word a senior citizen
25
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,387
Suck a wiener, sit and spin"
26
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:01,557
-"Suck a wiener, sit and spin"
-It's funny.
27
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,643
"And why you drive so slow for?
28
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,563
Don't you wanna get
Where you're going faster
29
00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:10,441
Since you'll probably die tomorrow
You old whore?
30
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,359
Die, old bitch, die
31
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,153
Before I murder you"
32
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,071
What do you mean by this, Em?
33
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:19,783
Well, first of all,
I feel like when I rap, like...
34
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,702
...people twist my words.
35
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:25,289
Okay. But can you see
how an old person might say:
36
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:29,501
"I think what this guy is telling me,
this Eminem...
37
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,923
...is that I should go kill myself,
and, you know, I don't like that"?
38
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:38,093
I mean, I don't necessarily rap about...
39
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,887
...the things that I hate.
40
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,431
It's more about the things that I fear.
41
00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:44,683
I get you.
42
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,728
-If I talk about women or whatever.
-Yes.
43
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,398
A lot of that is more or less me
just dealing with issues with...
44
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,567
...old issues with my mom or whatever.
45
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,027
With your mother?
46
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,656
Yeah, or, you know, when I say things
about gay people...
47
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,116
...or people think
my lyrics are homophobic.
48
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,743
It's because I'm gay.
49
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,621
-When I rap about violence...
-Wait.
50
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:08,540
...or, you know,
sound like I'm promoting violence...
51
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,627
-...I think that it's more or less...
-What? What? What?
52
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:15,506
...because, you know, it's kind of
about me just confronting it.
53
00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:17,049
What did he just say?
54
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,592
He said he was gay.
55
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:22,096
Dave. Dave, we're pretty sure
we just heard him say he was gay.
56
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,391
Em, let's just back it up a moment.
57
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,976
You...
58
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,352
...just said...
59
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,479
...that you were gay?
60
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:36,235
And I'm just curious
what you meant by that exactly.
61
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:37,695
I mean I'm gay.
62
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:42,074
I'm a little confused here
because "gay" can mean a lot of things.
63
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,909
I am a homosexual.
64
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,247
Meaning...?
65
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:50,416
I like men.
66
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,336
What the fuck just happened?
67
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:58,173
Eminem said he was gay four times.
That's what the fuck just happened.
68
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,508
-Holy shit.
-Holy shit.
69
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,011
Eminem's gay on our show.
70
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,595
Oh, my God. Camera two.
71
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,472
Gay Twitter's blowing up.
72
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,350
Change the chyron. "Eminem gay?!"
73
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,145
Dave, keep him talking.
Keep him talking.
74
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,648
Push in on gay Eminem.
The greatest moment in gay history!
75
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,985
--are probably shocked
by what you're saying right now.
76
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,904
I'm more shocked
that people haven't figured it out.
77
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,407
It's like I've been playing gay peekaboo.
78
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,367
-Gay peekaboo.
-Yeah.
79
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,745
-But....
-Shit. Camera one.
80
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,956
-This interview is over. Shut it off.
-No! Get out of here.
81
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,542
I am Marshall's publicist.
Pull the plug now.
82
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,962
This is gold! This is the best interview
we've ever done!
83
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,672
What happens if I do this?
84
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,508
-Don't touch my buttons!
-Shut it off! Shut it off!
85
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,928
-Get him the fuck out of here!
-I'm gonna murder you!
86
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:48,474
Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics.
Say what I say.
87
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,518
What did you mean when you rapped:
88
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,729
"I said nice rectum, I had a--"
89
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,731
"--vasectomy, Hector
90
00:05:55,898 --> 00:06:00,944
So you can't get pregnant
If I bisexually wreck ya"?
91
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:04,865
I've pretty much just been leaving
a breadcrumb trail of gayness.
92
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,658
-I see that now.
-You know?
93
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,828
But, yeah, actually,
Hector was a real person.
94
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,122
Hector and his rectum were real.
95
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:15,542
-It's real! Hector's rectum is real!
-Holy shit. Yes!
96
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,753
-Slim Shady, everyone!
-I knew it!
97
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,297
-Dude, dude!
-Aaron. Bring it in.
98
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,382
-Oh, my God.
-Bring it in, big boy!
99
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,842
Oh, my God.
100
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:27,429
-Oh, my God.
-What the heck just happened?!
101
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,390
The real Slim Shady just stood up.
That's what happened!
102
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:34,103
-This is like Spike Lee said he's white!
-I can't believe this.
103
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,522
-You the man! You the man!
-You're the man!
104
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,066
-You're the best!
-You're the best.
105
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,195
Listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off.
I want you to meet me downstairs.
106
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,322
Dude, where are we going?
107
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,699
I thought we were going to the Hamptons.
108
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,410
-What is this place?
-We're just, you know...
109
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,954
...just hanging out.
110
00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,373
-Okay.
-All right, all right, all right.
111
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,166
It's a surprise party for you.
112
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,669
What? Why?
Why did you just tell me that?
113
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:01,338
Because I'm so excited!
This is gonna be great!
114
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:04,758
-I don't understand what's happening.
-Surprise!
115
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,469
All right, all right, I already told him!
116
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:11,348
-You're the best in the world, cocksucker.
-Not now, Malcolm. Come on.
117
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,350
Thank you. Why is this happening?
118
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:16,436
You've been with us for 1000 episodes!
119
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,106
-Are you kidding me?
-Ten years, baby!
120
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,276
-Come on.
-Thank you. I appreciate it.
121
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:28,991
All right, now, I know
we all like to keep it light, keep it fun.
122
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,578
I'm gonna take it to a serious tip.
123
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,038
I'm gonna talk about Aaron.
124
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:39,960
Before we started working together,
my show barely broke the top 15.
125
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,422
So I called this professor
at the Columbia School of Journalism...
126
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,966
...that I was having sex with, and I said:
127
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,595
"I need someone smarter
than anyone in entertainment!
128
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,221
I need a real journalist!"
129
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,223
Aaron, you are...
130
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,392
...the Samwise Gamgee...
131
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,311
...to my Frodo Baggins.
132
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,522
You are the Gandalf
to my Bilbo Baggins.
133
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,775
But of all The Lord of the Rings
references I could make...
134
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:06,320
...this is the most important:
135
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,697
I am Gollum.
136
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,367
And you're my precious.
137
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,913
Sméagol needs Aaron.
138
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,873
One Ring to rule them all!
139
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,375
And in the darkness bind them.
140
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,337
Now, get up here! Get up here!
141
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,672
-Come up here, buddy. I love you.
-Okay.
142
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,466
-I fucking love you.
-I love--
143
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,805
-Hey.
-Hey.
144
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,058
Jake.
145
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,060
Hey.
146
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:42,356
Yeah, like, what's that?
Come on, man, what's happening?
147
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,234
-Hey, yeah. What's happening?
-How's it going, dude?
148
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,945
We haven't seen each other
since graduation. Right?
149
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,197
Yeah. Probably.
150
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:54,493
And, wait, am I wrong? You're
a junior producer on 60 Minutes, right?
151
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:58,664
-I'm now a senior producer. Yeah.
-No way, man. That's awesome.
152
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,875
Look at us.
Both producing news for television.
153
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,043
Yeah.
154
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,587
-What was that?
-Nothing.
155
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,881
It was something. What's the joke?
156
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,176
You've got your job, I've got mine.
But they're different.
157
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,012
Yours is cool.
Mine's just a little more serious.
158
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,181
What? We have the same job.
159
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:19,351
I report real news.
You know, stuff that matters.
160
00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:22,354
You report on all the cool:
"Who's getting new boobs?"
161
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:24,356
And the fun eating-disorder stuff.
162
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:27,359
You really helped build up
60 Minutes too, right?
163
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:30,821
-It's only been on for 80 fucking years.
-Look, I'm sorry.
164
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,241
I shouldn't say this,
but we got an opening at 60 Minutes.
165
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,744
-And we could use somebody like you.
-Are you serious?
166
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,790
I'm fucking with you, man. Come on!
You'd be eaten alive at our office.
167
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:45,627
I'm gonna catch up with these guys,
but cheers, man, congrats.
168
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,254
Or whatever.
169
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,677
When did the hair begin to go?
170
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,972
I would say, around The Outsiders.
171
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,019
When you're ready.
172
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:05,063
I don't think I'll ever be ready, but....
173
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,232
Oh, wig's coming off.
174
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,657
Oh, Jesus fuck.
175
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:19,536
Why does he keep the long pieces?
His head looks like somebody's taint.
176
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,039
-You barely look different.
-Thanks, man.
177
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,375
You said you were bald.
I see a little stuff on top.
178
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,210
-So freeing!
-Rob.
179
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:32,090
Is there anything that you would like
to say to America?
180
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,974
Good evening. I'm Phillip Sterling
with a UBS News special report.
181
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,393
Kim Jong-un's military forces...
182
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,271
...targeted an uninhabited
South Pacific island...
183
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:49,399
...with a 15-megaton
thermonuclear ICBM.
184
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,984
We're not live anymore.
185
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,819
-They cut our feed.
-Off the air?!
186
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,237
Goddamn it!
187
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:57,532
Rob, put your fucking wig on.
They fucked us. Goddamn it!
188
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,242
What's going on?
189
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,663
Dude, seriously, what is up with you?
190
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,124
Know how I'm good
at picking up energies?
191
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:10,462
You're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe
right now. What's going on?
192
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:13,632
We have millions of viewers every night
and what do we do?
193
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:17,803
We just shovel shit into their faces.
We could be doing something positive.
194
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,972
We could be having on authors,
activists, politicians.
195
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,725
That's what people want.
"Give us some shit. Mangia.
196
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,603
We're the people, give us the shit.
Mangia, mangia."
197
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,438
I wanted to cover actual news...
198
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,566
...not Nicki Minaj's vagina
flopping out at the Grammys.
199
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,569
-You don't like brown sugar?
-Nothing to do with that.
200
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,447
I can't keep doing this, okay?
We have to change!
201
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:41,910
Fine.
202
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,787
-Are you serious right now?
-Yeah.
203
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:48,125
-Do you promise you'll do this?
-If you promise you'll never leave.
204
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,377
-If you promise, I promise.
-Same time.
205
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,546
-One, two, three. Promise.
-Promise.
206
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,840
-Okay.
-Okay. That's all we had to say.
207
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,175
-Don't put me through that.
-Fine. Okay.
208
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,177
I hate it when we fight.
209
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,471
No, this is not a joke, okay?
210
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,516
-I think you're being condescending.
-Look, look, look.
211
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:07,811
One sec.
Shut up, I'm on the phone, okay?
212
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:10,647
Dude. The fuck, man?!
That was John Kerry's office.
213
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,483
Forget that oak tree-looking fuck.
This tops it.
214
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,778
The Timesprinted it about North Korea.
Read the bottom.
215
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,655
After all the death-camp shit.
216
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:21,116
"Although Kim Jong-un
rallies his people...
217
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:24,828
...with cries for the destruction
of the United States of America...
218
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:28,331
...he is known to be an avid consumer
of American entertainment.
219
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,126
His favorite shows
are The Big Bang Theory..."
220
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,752
And...?
221
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,547
"...and Skylark Tonight."
222
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,262
This is great!
This is what you were talking about!
223
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,389
I interview this guy.
224
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,601
Are you joking? He's the most
reclusive leader on the planet.
225
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,687
He lives in North Korea.
We can't go there.
226
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,439
Dave Skylark...
227
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:53,857
...gets in anywhere.
228
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,734
Do you remember that club?
229
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:58,820
Three-month waiting list. First night.
230
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,072
I don't think
it's quite the same thing.
231
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:04,534
-There were a lot of Asian girls there.
-It's impossible, Dave.
232
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,496
Here's what we'll do.
We're gonna do that interview.
233
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,999
Everyone is gonna take you
super-duper seriously.
234
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:15,545
-And then you're never gonna leave me.
-North Korea's in the Olympics, right?
235
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,633
I bet they have an office to communicate
with the Olympic Committee...
236
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:24,054
...so there's probably some infrastructure
for communicating through that.
237
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:27,766
-Those wheels are turning.
-If I leave a message for that office...
238
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,977
...then maybe, if they're a fan,
that can actually work.
239
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:35,190
We could interview
the most famous man on the planet.
240
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:38,068
Guys, some pictures just came out...
241
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,946
...where it looks like
McConaughey's fucking a goat.
242
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,907
-McConaughey goat fuck?
-McConaughey goat fuck.
243
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,994
We obviously have to have him on
to do that.
244
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,414
So put that together.
But we're doing this North Korea thing.
245
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,291
-First thing tomorrow.
-Book him!
246
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:54,960
-Get him! Get the goat!
-On him.
247
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:58,797
Get the goat!
I got some questions for that goat.
248
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,389
This is Aaron Rapaport
from Skylark Tonight.
249
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:10,225
We heard your Supreme Leader
is a fan of our show...
250
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,435
...and we'd love to have him on.
251
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,979
Please get back to me.
252
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:17,774
I'm about to head into a meeting,
but I'll be around in the morning.
253
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,276
Hope to hear from you.
254
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,237
Yeah.
255
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,614
-Hi.
-Hey.
256
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,075
-Where to?
-Mercer and Spring, please.
257
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,086
Hello?
258
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,504
Hello? Who this?
259
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:43,633
-I am trying to reach Aaron Rapaport.
-You got Aaron Rapaport. Who this is?
260
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,428
You left word with our office
regarding an interview.
261
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,054
Look, Dave, is this you?
262
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,433
Because if it is,
you're doing a terrible Asian accent.
263
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,103
Me so sorry. Me gots to go now, son.
264
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,147
I am from the office
of Sook-yin Park...
265
00:14:57,314 --> 00:15:01,067
...Secretary of Communications for the
Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
266
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,402
Oh, my God.
267
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,238
Shit. Me so sorry.
268
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,823
I mean, I'm so sorry.
269
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,909
I mean, I'm so sorr--
I'm so-- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
270
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,120
We would like to discuss a meeting...
271
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,998
...between the Supreme Leader
and Dave Skylark.
272
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:18,460
Security concerns dictate
the matter be discussed in person.
273
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,046
Okay, great. Where do you do that?
274
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:24,341
We will meet at latitude 40.1326.
275
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:27,427
Longitude 123.9889.
276
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,847
I'm not totally familiar
with my longitudes and latitudes.
277
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,223
Where is that again?
278
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,727
Fifty kilometers west of Dandong,
northeastern China.
279
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,479
Did you just say "China"?
280
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,023
And did you just say "dong"?
281
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,907
I'm going to motherfucking China, y'all.
282
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,218
Excuse me. Can I get in there?
283
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,719
Thank you.
284
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,054
Hi there.
285
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:17,477
No, thank you. I'll just get it
through secondhand smoke.
286
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,772
Selfie.
287
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,428
Where the fuck are they?
288
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:54,472
What the fuck...?
289
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,488
No, no!
290
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,091
I'm not--! No!
291
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,886
I'm an American journalist.
Aaron Rapaport.
292
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,180
I was invited here.
Please don't kill me!
293
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,724
I come in peace!
I'm here for interview.
294
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,225
Please don't kill me!
295
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:56,534
Mr. Rapaport, I am Sook-yin Park.
296
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,953
The Supreme Leader
will grant an interview...
297
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,331
...to Mr. Skylark
from inside North Korea.
298
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:04,292
All questions will be supplied
by the Supreme Leader.
299
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:07,670
Terms are nonnegotiable.
You have 24 hours to decide.
300
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,632
-That's it?!
-Yes.
301
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:15,637
Why didn't you tell me over the phone?
Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype?
302
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,305
Okay, well....
303
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,350
Look, could you give me some water?
That guy has water!
304
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,477
Please give me a ride somewhere.
305
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,562
I didn't pack well for this trip.
306
00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:28,316
I packed like a fool!
Like a goddamn fool!
307
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,236
Please! Please!
308
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,379
Damn, she was sexy.
309
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,840
The fucking helicopter landed.
310
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,716
I'm in the middle of nowhere.
311
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,636
Two soldiers jump out.
I think I'm gonna get killed!
312
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,764
Then, out comes Sook.
I told you about her.
313
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,808
She comes out. She's hot.
314
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,142
-How hot?
-Super sexy.
315
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,978
-Get in there?
-Yeah, I fucked her.
316
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,940
-My fucking man!
-No, I didn't do that, dude. No!
317
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,192
She said we can't ask
our own questions.
318
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,195
They were gonna write the questions.
We can't do it.
319
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:18,032
We're essentially letting him
interview himself with your mouth.
320
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,410
Look. Look at this buttfuck!
321
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:24,122
He's got a whole parade of nukes.
He's ready to use them.
322
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,374
When you score a bin Laden...
323
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,084
...or a Hitler...
324
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:29,335
...or an Un...
325
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,880
...you take it by the balls!
326
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:35,633
It's the first rule of journalism.
Give the people what they want.
327
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,093
That's not the first rule.
328
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,179
That's the first rule of circuses
and demolition derbies.
329
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,932
This is the biggest interview
since Frosty/Nixon.
330
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,893
-"Frosty/Nixon"?
-In 10 years...
331
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,145
...Ron Howard's gonna make a movie
out of this.
332
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:51,316
We do this, we can interview
any president on the planet.
333
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:54,444
And then you can ask them
the real questions.
334
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:57,155
This is like eating our vegetables.
335
00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,325
Once you eat those,
then you get to eat the steak.
336
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,452
And we know Aaron wants his steak.
337
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:06,456
This is like The Lord of the Rings.
338
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,749
Okay?
339
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,876
I'm actually like...
340
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,794
...Frodo Baggins.
341
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,798
And you are my Sam.
342
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,009
My Samwise.
343
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:21,054
-I can't do it without you.
-Okay.
344
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,181
Come with me to Mordor.
345
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,726
-Okay. Let's fucking do it. Yeah.
-Yeah?
346
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,857
As always, I'd like to thank my guest:
347
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,817
Joe Gordon-Levitt!
348
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:38,780
And before we go,
I have a very special announcement.
349
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:42,909
With the help of my outstanding
producer, Aaron Rapaport...
350
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:47,455
...I have secured the most important
interview of the 21st century.
351
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,040
Three weeks from tonight...
352
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:52,585
...I will be traveling to Pyongyang,
North Korea...
353
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,964
...to conduct the first
globally broadcast interview...
354
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,716
...with President Kim Jong-un.
355
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,886
I am deeply humbled
and profoundly honored...
356
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:05,264
...to accept this most awesome
responsibility.
357
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:09,769
Apparently Dave Skylark will be
interviewing the dictator of North Korea.
358
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,815
Hundred bucks, Skylark thinks
he's the guy from "Gangnam Style."
359
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:16,651
--obscene glorification
of a brutal dictator.
360
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:20,655
This is a man who tortures, terrorizes
and starves his own people.
361
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:23,074
-Skylark is beneath despicable.
-Fuck this.
362
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,493
Meow.
363
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,037
What a fucking bitch, am I right?
364
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,749
No, you're not right. He's not being
a bitch. He's completely right.
365
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:35,503
He's motherfucking peanut butter
and jealous!
366
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,088
He's not jealous.
367
00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:41,092
-He's putting K-Y jealous all over his dick.
-What is there to be jealous of?!
368
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,136
Fuckers hate us
because they ain't us.
369
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:46,264
They hate us because we anus?
What does anus have to do with this?
370
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:49,142
They hate us because they ain't us.
371
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,810
That's not what it is.
372
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,353
-Yes, it is.
-No, it's not.
373
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,232
They hate us because we is us,
and what we is doing is fucking terrible.
374
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:58,693
-They hate us because they ain't us.
-Stop saying that.
375
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:00,528
-Hate us because they ain't us.
-They don't!
376
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:02,530
Hate us because they ain't us.
I'm used to it.
377
00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:06,701
-They hate us because they ain't us.
-Stop it. Stop it. Don't say it again!
378
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,413
Baby.
379
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,123
Haters gonna hate.
380
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,500
And ain'ters gonna ain't.
381
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,128
That is not an actual thing
that people say.
382
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:19,255
This is what you do to haters.
383
00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,299
You just smile.
384
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:29,974
What is that?
385
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:33,019
The strongest ecstasy
I've ever done in my life.
386
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,126
Oh, what the fuck.
387
00:22:58,711 --> 00:22:59,879
Okay.
388
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:02,757
Okay, I'm coming.
389
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,348
Oh, shit.
390
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,268
Oh, God.
391
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,313
Mr. Rapaport.
392
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,651
I'm Agent Lacey with Central Intelligence.
And this is my partner, Agent Botwin.
393
00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:25,029
Yo, Aaron, whoever that is,
tell them to fuck off.
394
00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:27,281
Dave, it's not--
395
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:29,867
Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night...
396
00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:32,245
...but I got some stink dick.
397
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:35,248
Yo, my dick stinks!
398
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,375
So weird how you, like...
399
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:40,086
...just wanna keep smelling it, though.
400
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:42,380
Yo, you gotta come over
and smell this shit!
401
00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:46,092
Come smell this. You gotta identify this.
I don't know what it is.
402
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,635
Excuse him.
403
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:49,220
He has stink dick.
404
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:51,597
It kind of smells like guacamole.
405
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,182
May we come in?
406
00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:56,227
Would you like a drink...
407
00:23:56,394 --> 00:23:58,479
...or some of Aaron's cocaine?
408
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:02,108
-This is not our coke. This is our--
-No, I'm sure it's not.
409
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:05,403
So how can we--?
What can we do you for?
410
00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:08,656
-To what do we owe the pleasure?
-Well, Aaron, Dave...
411
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:11,325
...as I'm sure you know already...
412
00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:16,247
...Kim Jong-un is now capable
of nuking all of the West Coast.
413
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:20,793
The point is, we're talking about
nuclear nations at war with each other.
414
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,336
Nuclear.
415
00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:25,882
He does have one tactical advantage
over the West.
416
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:30,344
He's more than willing to let millions
and millions of his own people die.
417
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:33,681
Explosions. All over my face.
418
00:24:33,848 --> 00:24:35,933
I'm sorry.
We had kind of a long night.
419
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,978
Why are you telling us
all this information?
420
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:41,981
We're telling you this
because you two lucky gentlemen...
421
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:44,192
...are going to be in a room alone
with him.
422
00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:46,903
-And congratulations, by the way.
-That's right!
423
00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:48,571
Which is why we're here.
424
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,907
The CIA would love it...
425
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:52,617
...if you two could...
426
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,493
...take him out.
427
00:24:57,872 --> 00:24:59,415
-Take him out.
-Take him out?
428
00:24:59,582 --> 00:25:01,250
-Like, for drinks?
-No, no, no.
429
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,044
-Take him out.
-Take out.
430
00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:04,879
-Like, to dinner?
-Out to a meal?
431
00:25:05,046 --> 00:25:06,255
Take him out.
432
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:07,882
-Like, on the town?
-Party?
433
00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:09,425
No....
434
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,094
Take him out.
435
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:13,888
You want us to assassinate...
436
00:25:14,055 --> 00:25:15,723
...the leader of North Korea?
437
00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,559
-Yes.
-What?
438
00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:22,021
Won't they just get another chubby dude
with a goofy hairdo...
439
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:25,691
-...to come in and replace him?
-Exactly. Exactly.
440
00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:30,071
We're aware of a faction in the existing
leadership that already wants him gone.
441
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,490
They're too scared to act alone.
442
00:25:32,657 --> 00:25:36,118
And they need you two to go in there,
remove Kim...
443
00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:39,163
...embolden them to revolt...
444
00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:40,873
...and take over.
445
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,418
Are you, Agent Lacey,
going to be involved?
446
00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:47,296
I am going to be in your ear...
447
00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:51,133
...by your side, every step of the way.
448
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,052
Then I have one answer.
449
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:56,180
No more Kim.
450
00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:59,475
You know what?
I think we should talk about it more.
451
00:25:59,642 --> 00:26:02,853
-All right, we're just gonna go talk.
-By all means.
452
00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:06,023
Just for the record,
I don't have stank dick.
453
00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:08,609
Come over here, come here,
come in here.
454
00:26:09,277 --> 00:26:11,153
Dude. I think we need to do this.
455
00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:14,282
-She is so cool.
-You don't see what's happening.
456
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,909
-And it's so obvious, it's crazy, man.
-What?
457
00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:18,995
-They're honeypotting us.
-What?
458
00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:22,707
It's an attractive spy woman
who lures men into doing shit.
459
00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:24,000
How can you not see that?
460
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,627
-Because that is so sexist.
-Is it?
461
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,255
This is 2014. Women are smart now.
462
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:32,967
You think she just so happens
to have everything you find attractive?
463
00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:35,803
Bangs, giant tits, glasses?
464
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:38,347
-They're fake, man.
-Fake glasses?
465
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:41,934
-How could the CIA come up with that?
-That poor girl is blind as a bat.
466
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:46,397
I'm just saying that when we're on molly
and when we're horned up, might not--
467
00:26:46,564 --> 00:26:48,774
-"Horned up"? Oh, please.
-You are horned up.
468
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:51,110
You have half a fucking chub right now!
469
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:55,281
-Take your hands away. I saw the boner.
-I'm not doing it.
470
00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:56,741
Move your fucking hands.
471
00:26:56,907 --> 00:26:58,617
-Fine! You wanna see it?
-Yeah.
472
00:26:58,784 --> 00:27:00,202
Feast your eyes.
473
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:04,248
I'm gonna go poop out these drugs.
You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts.
474
00:27:04,415 --> 00:27:08,252
If we both still wanna talk about this
afterwards, we can. But not until then.
475
00:27:08,419 --> 00:27:11,088
Dave Skylark never backs down
from a jerk-off.
476
00:27:14,342 --> 00:27:15,593
In three days...
477
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,720
...you will fly from New York to Beijing...
478
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:20,348
...where you will transfer
to a commercial airline...
479
00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:22,516
...that takes you directly
to Pyongyang.
480
00:27:22,683 --> 00:27:25,644
I'm sorry,
this is completely unrelated, but...
481
00:27:25,811 --> 00:27:27,563
...what happened to your glasses?
482
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:33,402
-I got LASIK.
-Between the time I saw you and now?
483
00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:35,363
-Yes.
-Okay.
484
00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:38,783
Now, our intelligence suggests
that you will be taken here...
485
00:27:38,949 --> 00:27:41,619
...to Kim Jong-un's personal compound.
486
00:27:41,786 --> 00:27:43,329
So preceding the interview...
487
00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,706
...you are going to shake Kim's hand...
488
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,709
...administering a fatal dose of poison...
489
00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:52,880
...with this: a transdermal,
time-delayed ricin strip.
490
00:27:53,047 --> 00:27:54,465
When you shake his hand...
491
00:27:54,632 --> 00:27:57,551
...the poison will be absorbed
into his skin...
492
00:27:57,718 --> 00:28:00,638
...where it metabolizes
for a 12-hour period.
493
00:28:00,805 --> 00:28:03,891
Nobody will have any idea
you two were involved.
494
00:28:04,058 --> 00:28:05,434
No one will know?
495
00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:09,688
The United States must maintain total
and complete deniability.
496
00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:12,108
-Total deniability?
-Obviously.
497
00:28:12,274 --> 00:28:13,442
What did you picture?
498
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:15,820
I walk in there like a fucking gangster...
499
00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:19,240
...and blow his little fucking ass away
on television.
500
00:28:19,407 --> 00:28:21,826
This is a major television event.
501
00:28:21,992 --> 00:28:25,079
You don't wanna blow it
with an off-screen death.
502
00:28:25,955 --> 00:28:29,959
Okay? Look, in porno,
we call this the money shot.
503
00:28:30,126 --> 00:28:32,586
You don't have a bunch
of dudes going at it.
504
00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:35,464
Then, right before they finish,
you cut to black and say:
505
00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:38,968
"Oh, don't worry, 12 hours later,
they came all over each other."
506
00:28:39,135 --> 00:28:42,263
No! You want them all over, close-up.
507
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:43,889
All over his face.
508
00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:45,641
The end!
509
00:28:48,686 --> 00:28:51,021
-Bam!
-What kind of porn are you watching?
510
00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:53,732
What happens
when his guards start firing at you...
511
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,152
...for killing their leader in front of them?
512
00:28:56,318 --> 00:28:58,112
-Good question.
-My bulletproof vest--
513
00:28:58,279 --> 00:29:00,156
No, you don't have a bulletproof vest.
514
00:29:00,322 --> 00:29:02,741
-You don't have one.
-I will dodge those bullets.
515
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:04,952
What happens
after you escape the compound?
516
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:07,079
I look back over my shoulder,
I see Aaron.
517
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,748
I grab him by the hand.
We run out into the woods.
518
00:29:09,915 --> 00:29:12,710
Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there.
519
00:29:12,877 --> 00:29:14,128
We exit said tunnel.
520
00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:16,255
At a designated spot...
521
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,799
...SEAL Team 6 swoops in...
522
00:29:18,966 --> 00:29:21,510
...puts us on one
of those inflatable motorboats.
523
00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:25,139
We hit the water.
We're out of there, on our way to you.
524
00:29:25,306 --> 00:29:27,641
If you tried to do this,
what would kill you first?
525
00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:30,227
-Subfreezing temperatures.
-I don't like the cold.
526
00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:32,980
-Okay, we wear--
-Starvation. Starve to death.
527
00:29:33,147 --> 00:29:36,817
You're telling me the CIA doesn't have
North Face jackets and Pirate Booty?
528
00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:38,486
Cap'n Crunch?
529
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,906
-What about Siberian tigers?
-What?
530
00:29:42,072 --> 00:29:44,742
You're not going to shoot him.
Not going to be a bulletproof vest.
531
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:48,120
And nobody is going to know
that you had anything to do with this.
532
00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:49,997
That's it. That's the plan.
533
00:29:50,164 --> 00:29:51,290
-Period.
-Okay.
534
00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:54,960
Two years later, I come out
with my best-selling tell-all:
535
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:56,378
An Unexpected Journey:
536
00:29:56,545 --> 00:29:59,507
Dave Skylark's Adventures
in North Korea.
537
00:29:59,673 --> 00:30:01,133
You can't write a tell-all.
538
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,803
We were in an oddly shaped gray room
at the CIA Headquarters.
539
00:30:04,970 --> 00:30:07,348
-The titillating Agent Lacey--
-Stop doing that.
540
00:30:07,515 --> 00:30:08,849
-Why?
-There's no tell-all.
541
00:30:09,016 --> 00:30:11,268
"There's no tell-all," Agent Lacey said.
542
00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:13,020
She looked at him.
543
00:30:13,187 --> 00:30:14,980
She trembled with rage.
544
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:17,441
-Or was it passion?
-Stop it.
545
00:30:17,608 --> 00:30:21,111
I just want everybody to know
that I know what you did to me.
546
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:24,448
-What?
-With the glasses. Honeycombed me.
547
00:30:24,615 --> 00:30:26,325
-What does that mean?
-You honeypotted him.
548
00:30:26,492 --> 00:30:28,035
-It's "honeypot."
-You honeypotted me.
549
00:30:28,202 --> 00:30:29,495
-You honeypotted him.
-No, I didn't.
550
00:30:29,662 --> 00:30:33,582
He said a lot of stupid shit in the last
10 minutes, but you did honeypot him.
551
00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:37,086
I bet you got him in here as a honeydick,
in case I'm gay. But I'm not.
552
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,129
But if I was, I would've seen him
coming a mile away.
553
00:30:39,296 --> 00:30:40,464
-You honeydicking?
-Look.
554
00:30:40,631 --> 00:30:43,092
She's not honeypotting you.
I'm not honeydicking him.
555
00:30:43,259 --> 00:30:45,678
It's very offensive.
If you think about it...
556
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:48,764
...you're saying because I'm a girl
and because I'm attractive...
557
00:30:48,931 --> 00:30:51,934
...my only use for this agency
would be to manipulate men.
558
00:30:52,101 --> 00:30:54,687
I think it's offensive too.
That's what I said to Aaron.
559
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,814
I said, "That bitch is blind as a bat."
560
00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:59,024
Could we please move on?
561
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:01,026
We have a dictator to kill.
562
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:05,656
When handling the ricin strip,
operate with extreme caution.
563
00:31:05,823 --> 00:31:08,617
Even momentary flesh contact
with the exposed strip is fatal.
564
00:31:08,784 --> 00:31:11,870
The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours.
565
00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:16,375
After it passes the blood-brain barrier,
your heart rate would shoot up to 160.
566
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:20,588
Your body will strain to reject the poison
by sweating, defecating, vomiting.
567
00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:23,465
Within minutes, you will be dead.
Got it?
568
00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:28,429
Aaron peels off the film marked "A"...
569
00:31:28,596 --> 00:31:31,098
...exposing the adhesive coating.
570
00:31:31,265 --> 00:31:34,518
-He applies the strip to Dave's palm.
-Okay.
571
00:31:34,685 --> 00:31:38,230
Aaron will then remove the film
marked "B," exposing the ricin.
572
00:31:38,397 --> 00:31:40,649
-Clear. Okay.
-Okay, clear. Okay.
573
00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:44,320
Dave needs to appear casual
as he is transferred from his room...
574
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,280
...to the broadcast facility.
575
00:31:46,447 --> 00:31:50,534
It is critical that he keeps
his hand open and touches...
576
00:31:50,701 --> 00:31:52,036
...nothing.
577
00:31:52,202 --> 00:31:53,829
Dave Skylark.
578
00:31:54,747 --> 00:31:57,750
Mr. Kim, just shaking hands.
579
00:31:57,916 --> 00:31:59,168
Hi.
580
00:31:59,335 --> 00:32:00,836
Nice to meet you.
581
00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:04,048
Dave will bow to Kim,
then shake his hand...
582
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:08,469
...immediately disposing of the strip
in his jacket pocket, which will be lined...
583
00:32:08,636 --> 00:32:12,139
...with an absorbing agent
that denatures the poison.
584
00:32:32,701 --> 00:32:33,827
Oh, no.
585
00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:35,704
Aaron! Aaron!
586
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:38,415
-Agent Lacey! What's this mean?!
-You're dead.
587
00:32:38,582 --> 00:32:42,336
All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll place
the ricin case in this pouch.
588
00:32:42,503 --> 00:32:45,339
It will magnetically seal.
And then, you're good to go.
589
00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:47,841
So you want me to carry this bag?
590
00:32:48,008 --> 00:32:49,093
This is the bag.
591
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:50,636
This is a douche bag.
592
00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:53,972
The watches conceal an array
of tactical functions.
593
00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:56,892
It's how you stay in contact with me
in the command center.
594
00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,394
Aaron to Dave.
595
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,396
Radio communication
is done using call signs.
596
00:33:00,562 --> 00:33:02,981
-Cool.
-Dave, you are Dung Beetle.
597
00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:05,109
-And, Aaron, you are Aardvark.
-What?
598
00:33:05,275 --> 00:33:07,528
-I can't carry this thing!
-What do you mean?
599
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:11,323
Aerodynamics are all off.
It's hitting my leg. It's, like, bulky.
600
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,658
Remember, gentlemen:
601
00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:17,913
You are entering into the most dangerous
and unpredictable country on earth.
602
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,458
Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator.
603
00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:24,169
His people revere him as a god.
604
00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:29,174
They'll believe anything he tells them,
including that he can speak to dolphins...
605
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:31,176
...or he doesn't urinate and defecate.
606
00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:34,930
My man doesn't pee or poo?
607
00:33:35,097 --> 00:33:37,266
He does. He lies to his people
and they believe him.
608
00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:40,686
Everybody pees and poos.
Where would it go? He'd explode.
609
00:33:40,853 --> 00:33:42,730
But he does talk to dolphins.
610
00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:06,587
All right, how do I look?
Fucking awesome?
611
00:34:06,754 --> 00:34:09,131
Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice--
612
00:34:11,175 --> 00:34:13,093
-What the fuck is this?
-It's my bag.
613
00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:15,804
Wonderful. That's not the bag
the CIA gave you.
614
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:17,681
-Oh, that bag?
-Yes, that bag.
615
00:34:17,848 --> 00:34:19,975
That bag was fugly with a capital "fug"!
616
00:34:20,142 --> 00:34:23,562
It was designed to conceal poison
that we're gonna smuggle in.
617
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:25,314
Kim is a superfan.
618
00:34:25,481 --> 00:34:27,065
He knows I take fashion risks.
619
00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:29,276
I show up with that other bag,
Kim's gonna be like:
620
00:34:29,443 --> 00:34:32,112
"Aw, no. You got ugly bag?
621
00:34:32,279 --> 00:34:35,532
You no Skylark. You secret agent.
Terminate him."
622
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:40,412
-Where's the fucking poison strip?!
-I put the strip in a pack of gum.
623
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,748
-They'll never find it.
-I am not cool with this.
624
00:34:42,915 --> 00:34:45,334
-It's showtime.
-"Showtime"? It's not showtime.
625
00:34:45,501 --> 00:34:48,504
-Dave Skylark Tonight!
-What are you doing? Stop walking.
626
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:50,005
-Hello!
-Stop walking.
627
00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:51,507
We are going to North Korea.
628
00:34:51,673 --> 00:34:54,551
Skylark, which side
of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss?
629
00:34:54,718 --> 00:34:56,345
Not gonna kiss him,
but let's just say...
630
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:58,806
...I might give him something special
with my hand.
631
00:34:58,972 --> 00:35:00,057
You gonna jerk him off?
632
00:35:00,224 --> 00:35:02,810
-What? No, that's a double entendre!
-Shut the fuck up!
633
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:06,063
-I'm foreshadowing!
-Just shut up! Get in the fucking car!
634
00:35:06,230 --> 00:35:07,731
Shut up! Shut up!
635
00:35:07,898 --> 00:35:10,818
Why would you say that?
Why would you say that?
636
00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:18,075
All right. Here we go.
637
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:21,286
What's that noise?
638
00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:23,497
-I don't know. Yeah.
-Do you hear that?
639
00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:37,052
This is crazy.
640
00:35:38,428 --> 00:35:41,014
Hello, North Korea!
641
00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:42,307
Crazy.
642
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:45,018
-Okay, okay.
-North side!
643
00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:49,231
Okay, hi. Sorry about what he's doing.
644
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:50,607
Hello.
645
00:35:51,859 --> 00:35:53,777
I like your style.
646
00:35:55,237 --> 00:35:57,030
Good to see you again.
How are you?
647
00:35:57,197 --> 00:35:58,574
-Hi.
-Hello.
648
00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:00,033
-Hello.
-This is great.
649
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,536
Dave, this is Sook-yin Park.
650
00:36:02,703 --> 00:36:04,371
-Sook? The Sook?
-Yes. Yes.
651
00:36:04,538 --> 00:36:07,374
-That you won't stop talking about?
-That's not true.
652
00:36:24,016 --> 00:36:25,976
We are different people.
653
00:36:26,435 --> 00:36:28,645
We speak different languages.
654
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:32,316
We have different faces.
655
00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:35,110
But inside...
656
00:36:35,277 --> 00:36:36,987
...we are same-same.
657
00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:39,114
Same-same.
658
00:36:39,281 --> 00:36:40,824
But different.
659
00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:42,618
But still same.
660
00:36:44,036 --> 00:36:45,245
Thank you.
661
00:36:47,915 --> 00:36:52,169
You know, I'm very, very interested
in the history of your young nation.
662
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:56,214
I hear that absolutely everyone here
is starving to death.
663
00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:57,716
No.
664
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,218
It's quite all right.
665
00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:03,805
-This is a common misconception.
-Oh, okay.
666
00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:05,390
See for yourself.
667
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:11,605
It's a grocery store! Looks like
the Whole Foods near my place.
668
00:37:11,772 --> 00:37:13,982
Yep. Guess no one's hungry here
after all.
669
00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:16,360
We have an abundance of food here.
670
00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:18,862
And speak of the devil,
look at that fat kid.
671
00:37:19,988 --> 00:37:21,949
Hi, little fatty. Hi.
672
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:26,578
We have many fat children
in North Korea.
673
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:28,956
The Supreme Leader believes
it is a hallmark...
674
00:37:29,122 --> 00:37:31,416
...of prosperity and self-sufficiency.
675
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:34,836
I don't know about all that,
but this one is one that I heard.
676
00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:36,588
I heard he doesn't pee or poo.
677
00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:40,258
He works so hard,
he burns the energy from inside.
678
00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:42,552
My man doesn't have to take a poo?
679
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,014
-Does he have a butthole?
-He does not have a butthole.
680
00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:48,100
He has no need for one.
681
00:38:28,390 --> 00:38:29,766
-Damn, son.
-Damn.
682
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:31,601
Right this way.
683
00:38:37,399 --> 00:38:39,317
I get it. Fucking stop it.
684
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,043
These are Officers Koh and Yu.
685
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:59,880
They are the heads of our
Supreme Leader's personal security.
686
00:39:00,047 --> 00:39:02,215
They have been with him
since he was a boy.
687
00:39:02,382 --> 00:39:06,762
They will search you one last time before
entering our Supreme Leader's home.
688
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:11,558
Just a Gucci bag.
689
00:39:20,901 --> 00:39:22,027
What's this?
690
00:39:24,237 --> 00:39:26,239
Gum. That is gum.
691
00:39:32,746 --> 00:39:34,247
-You fucking tried it.
-Okay.
692
00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:36,917
-This gum has no flavor.
-If you don't like it, spit it out.
693
00:39:37,084 --> 00:39:39,294
Spit it out. We wouldn't be insulted.
694
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,632
-Your gum taste like shit.
-Okay.
695
00:39:44,633 --> 00:39:46,718
You may now enter
the Supreme Leader's home.
696
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:56,186
-This room for Mr. Skylark.
-Cool.
697
00:39:56,353 --> 00:39:57,395
Thanks.
698
00:40:00,649 --> 00:40:02,192
This room for Mr. Rapaport.
699
00:40:02,359 --> 00:40:03,777
Ooh, lovely. Thank you.
700
00:40:03,944 --> 00:40:05,487
-Cute.
-Quaint.
701
00:40:05,654 --> 00:40:07,572
I'm tired. How are you feeling?
702
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:09,491
-We go now.
-Okay.
703
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:14,079
Dude, what the fuck? Hey, you know,
how's your tummy feeling?
704
00:40:14,246 --> 00:40:15,956
-Have some TUMS.
-Have some tea.
705
00:40:16,665 --> 00:40:17,916
Fuck.
706
00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:20,001
They could be recording?
707
00:40:20,168 --> 00:40:21,837
-Oh, the thing.
-The thing. Okay.
708
00:40:23,839 --> 00:40:25,423
-Lovely room. Oh, yes.
-Yeah.
709
00:40:25,590 --> 00:40:27,801
-I'm gonna go take a shower now.
-Okay.
710
00:40:27,968 --> 00:40:30,220
-I'll take one with you.
-Why with me?
711
00:40:30,387 --> 00:40:31,388
Fake conversation.
712
00:40:33,932 --> 00:40:37,185
-What the fuck, dude?
-Oh, my God.
713
00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:39,938
He ate it. He fucking ate it.
714
00:40:40,105 --> 00:40:42,232
-You're not supposed to touch it.
-And he ate it.
715
00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:44,192
-Chewing. Chewing it!
-Shit! Fuck.
716
00:40:44,359 --> 00:40:45,735
Shit! He's gonna die.
717
00:40:45,902 --> 00:40:47,112
Look, look, look.
718
00:40:47,279 --> 00:40:51,616
He's probably Kim's triggerman, okay?
He's probably killed, like, tons of people.
719
00:40:51,783 --> 00:40:54,995
He's probably worse than Kim.
And we're okay with killing Kim.
720
00:40:55,162 --> 00:40:59,666
How the fuck are we gonna do that?
We don't have any poison anymore!
721
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:01,376
Well, what happened to it?
722
00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,170
-Somebody ate it.
-Someone ate it?
723
00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:05,589
-Why the fuck did you switch bags?
-Yeah, Dave.
724
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:06,798
All right, all right!
725
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,050
I shouldn't have
switched the bags. Sorry.
726
00:41:09,217 --> 00:41:10,760
Listen, just sit tight.
727
00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:14,222
I am going to contact you.
Do not fall asleep.
728
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:16,141
I'll figure out a way to fix this.
729
00:41:16,308 --> 00:41:18,727
-Thanks. Why'd you tell her?
-It's the truth.
730
00:41:18,894 --> 00:41:20,979
-Why'd you tell her that he ate it?
-He did!
731
00:41:21,146 --> 00:41:24,441
Dude. That was a cock block.
732
00:41:24,608 --> 00:41:26,902
Get me Major Franks
at the Osan Air Force Base.
733
00:41:54,554 --> 00:41:56,514
ETA to launch zone: 20 minutes.
734
00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:00,268
We have a bird en route.
735
00:42:00,435 --> 00:42:04,397
It will be within range of you
in 15 minutes. Aardvark:
736
00:42:04,564 --> 00:42:08,151
Your watch will transmit
the coordinates to guide in the package.
737
00:42:08,318 --> 00:42:12,072
Get outside to a place with no tree cover
where you can't be detected.
738
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,115
-Okay?
-What--?
739
00:42:14,282 --> 00:42:16,243
-Why do I have to do it?
-Why you?
740
00:42:16,409 --> 00:42:20,413
If Dung Beetle gets caught or killed,
then we don't have a mission anymore.
741
00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,332
-I could get caught or killed?
-Hey!
742
00:42:22,499 --> 00:42:25,252
Put on your darkest clothes
and get outside now.
743
00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:28,004
Make sure you are 20 yards away
from the building.
744
00:42:31,299 --> 00:42:33,051
Approaching launch zone.
745
00:42:40,684 --> 00:42:42,143
-You ready?
-I think so.
746
00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:45,438
A little nervous, but I'm feeling okay.
I think I can do it.
747
00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:50,694
-What are you doing?
-I'll cherish all our memories.
748
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,362
-Don't do this.
-What?
749
00:42:52,529 --> 00:42:55,198
Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay?
I'll be fine!
750
00:42:55,365 --> 00:42:57,117
I'm trying to psych myself up here.
751
00:42:57,284 --> 00:42:59,494
I will love your mother
like she was mine.
752
00:42:59,661 --> 00:43:00,912
-Just shut up.
-Okay.
753
00:43:05,667 --> 00:43:08,670
-It's really scary out there.
-Yeah, super-duper scary.
754
00:43:08,837 --> 00:43:10,755
-Be careful.
-Okay, good. You got me?
755
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:12,090
-I got you.
-Okay.
756
00:43:12,257 --> 00:43:14,801
-I will not drop you. I got you--
-Don't drop me.
757
00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,390
Aardvark, are you all right?
758
00:43:21,182 --> 00:43:22,684
I'm fine. Shut the fuck up.
759
00:43:25,770 --> 00:43:27,147
Aardvark is hot.
760
00:43:27,314 --> 00:43:29,941
I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T. Hot.
761
00:43:40,452 --> 00:43:41,953
-This is so scary.
-Aardvark:
762
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:46,041
You're being extremely brave.
Everybody here is very proud of you.
763
00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:48,418
-My tummy's all scraped up and wet.
-Aardvark:
764
00:43:48,585 --> 00:43:50,378
I'll rub your tummy
when you get back.
765
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:54,215
Just a few more feet. Okay?
Just five to 10 more feet.
766
00:43:54,382 --> 00:43:55,425
I gotta keep going?
767
00:43:55,592 --> 00:43:57,594
I don't wanna keep going. Fuck.
768
00:43:58,470 --> 00:44:03,099
Package will deploy
in three, two, one. Boom.
769
00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:07,354
Package is inbound.
Arrival time: two minutes.
770
00:44:09,481 --> 00:44:12,734
Just five more feet. Five more feet
and you're on your mark.
771
00:44:13,485 --> 00:44:16,279
Hey, hey. Hey. Don't move.
772
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:18,073
I think I see something.
773
00:44:19,449 --> 00:44:22,243
-There's something out there.
-What do you mean?
774
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:23,953
What is it? Can you zoom in?
775
00:44:24,579 --> 00:44:25,622
What do I do?
776
00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:27,457
Comm One, are you seeing this?
777
00:44:27,624 --> 00:44:29,584
Zoom in on that thing. What is that?
778
00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:32,045
There's something crawling
towards Aardvark.
779
00:44:32,212 --> 00:44:34,130
What the fuck? What is it?
Talk to me.
780
00:44:34,297 --> 00:44:37,175
I'm seeing four legs
connected to one body.
781
00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:39,511
What the fuck are you seeing?
782
00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:42,305
-Dog? Big dog?
-A big dog?
783
00:44:42,472 --> 00:44:45,767
It's like Clifford size. We're talking
Falkor in The Neverending Story.
784
00:44:45,934 --> 00:44:48,311
It's like a dragon dog.
This is like a dragon dog.
785
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:50,855
-Is that a fucking--?
-Guys?
786
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:53,817
-What am I looking for? I don't--
-It's like a big dog.
787
00:44:53,983 --> 00:44:57,112
It's orange, got stripes.
788
00:44:57,278 --> 00:44:59,072
It's like a big, orange, stripy dog.
789
00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:05,912
There's a tiger.
790
00:45:06,079 --> 00:45:07,372
It's a fucking tiger!
791
00:45:07,539 --> 00:45:08,748
It's a fucking tiger.
792
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:11,501
Yes. A tiger.
793
00:45:11,668 --> 00:45:14,879
-You led my friend into a tiger patch?!
-I told you there were tigers.
794
00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:17,006
Guys, I'm very unhappy right now.
795
00:45:17,173 --> 00:45:19,217
It's really dark.
He probably doesn't see you.
796
00:45:19,384 --> 00:45:21,010
Oh, it fucking sees me.
797
00:45:21,803 --> 00:45:24,347
-It has night vision.
-They have night vision?
798
00:45:24,514 --> 00:45:26,307
That tiger has night-vision goggles?!
799
00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:29,185
It doesn't have night-vision goggles.
It naturally has night--
800
00:45:29,352 --> 00:45:32,397
-What is this, some futuristic nightmare?
-Just keep the line clear.
801
00:45:32,981 --> 00:45:34,232
Aardvark is in trouble.
802
00:45:34,399 --> 00:45:35,817
What do I do? What do I do?
803
00:45:35,984 --> 00:45:37,527
Talk to me. Talk to me.
804
00:45:37,694 --> 00:45:40,113
You're gonna have to fight that tiger.
805
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,240
No! Do not! Do not fight the tiger!
806
00:45:42,407 --> 00:45:44,617
Do not be a gentleman.
Go right for the balls!
807
00:45:44,784 --> 00:45:47,745
-I don't see its balls.
-Do not fight the tiger. You will lose.
808
00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:50,081
If that's a girl tiger,
you gotta cunt-punt that bitch!
809
00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:52,333
-Dave, shut the fuck up!
-Cunt-punt that bitch!
810
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:56,254
You know that's a stupid idea.
Please, don't try to fight the tiger.
811
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,050
-I'm gonna make a run for it.
-Do not run for it!
812
00:46:01,217 --> 00:46:03,470
-You will die!
-It's coming.
813
00:46:05,096 --> 00:46:06,347
You go, go, go, buddy!
814
00:46:06,514 --> 00:46:08,808
Look out, it's coming after you!
815
00:46:21,613 --> 00:46:23,448
-Oh, God. I'm alive!
-Aaron.
816
00:46:23,615 --> 00:46:24,866
I'm alive!
817
00:46:25,617 --> 00:46:27,994
Are you in the tiger?
Are you inside the tiger?
818
00:46:28,161 --> 00:46:30,288
Are you okay?
Do you have the package?
819
00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:32,874
This is Aardvark.
820
00:46:33,041 --> 00:46:34,792
The package killed the tiger.
821
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:37,879
Fantastic.
You have to secure the package.
822
00:46:38,046 --> 00:46:39,464
Secure the package.
823
00:46:45,720 --> 00:46:47,764
He's got the package.
He has the package.
824
00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:49,224
What do I do with it?
825
00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:51,476
There are people coming.
You have to act now.
826
00:46:51,643 --> 00:46:53,603
Secure the package.
827
00:46:53,770 --> 00:46:55,355
-What do I do with it?
-They're coming towards you.
828
00:46:55,522 --> 00:46:57,565
You gotta hide that little missile.
829
00:46:57,732 --> 00:46:59,901
I have to hide it somewhere? Where?
830
00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:04,781
What do I do with it?
What do I do with it?
831
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:09,452
What if you hide it in your butt?
832
00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:13,498
I don't wanna stick it in my ass.
833
00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,250
You gotta put it in your butt.
834
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:17,418
Comm One, please tell me
I don't have to stick this in my ass.
835
00:47:17,585 --> 00:47:20,838
Okay. Just give us one second
to come up with a better plan.
836
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:24,717
-Isn't there anywhere else?
-I think he should put it in his asshole.
837
00:47:24,884 --> 00:47:27,262
We don't have a better plan.
Stick it in your ass.
838
00:47:27,428 --> 00:47:29,722
No! No!
839
00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:31,140
No!
840
00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:32,475
I've never done that!
841
00:47:32,642 --> 00:47:34,644
I've been there before. It looks huge.
842
00:47:34,811 --> 00:47:38,231
-That tiger blood will lubricate it.
-This will mess up my asshole!
843
00:47:38,398 --> 00:47:40,400
Aardvark, there are people there.
844
00:47:40,567 --> 00:47:42,986
They are closing in on you.
They have guns.
845
00:47:43,152 --> 00:47:45,446
You need to secure the payload.
846
00:47:45,613 --> 00:47:47,740
-Secure it in your ass.
-Stick it in your butt.
847
00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:50,827
-Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine.
-I'm there with you, bro.
848
00:47:50,994 --> 00:47:54,080
Just listen to the soothing tones
of my voice. Just breathe.
849
00:47:54,247 --> 00:47:56,666
-Oh, it's cold!
-Just let everything go loose.
850
00:47:56,833 --> 00:47:59,002
-I don't like it!
-The tip is....
851
00:47:59,502 --> 00:48:02,213
It's the worst part.
Trust me on this.
852
00:48:02,380 --> 00:48:03,548
Inhale as you do it.
853
00:48:06,551 --> 00:48:09,846
-The tip of the package is secure.
-Comm One, that thing is in his butt!
854
00:48:12,098 --> 00:48:15,310
You are almost in the end zone,
Aardvark. Just take it home.
855
00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:25,028
The package is secure.
856
00:48:25,194 --> 00:48:26,404
You are a hero.
857
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,156
You are a goddamn hero.
858
00:48:28,323 --> 00:48:31,159
All right, they're coming in.
I gotta go. Over and out.
859
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:35,413
Oh, shit. Hi!
Hi, don't shoot me! Oh, God!
860
00:48:43,630 --> 00:48:46,257
Stop it! Don't hurt me, please!
861
00:48:48,343 --> 00:48:50,219
See? There's nothing in here!
862
00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:52,347
What?
863
00:48:53,222 --> 00:48:54,807
Oh, God. No!
864
00:48:56,476 --> 00:48:58,478
Come on! What the fuck?!
865
00:48:58,645 --> 00:49:00,480
Why?! Why'd you do that?!
866
00:49:00,647 --> 00:49:01,689
Why'd you do that?!
867
00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:03,107
Is this what you want?!
868
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:04,817
There! You like it?!
869
00:49:04,984 --> 00:49:06,569
You like it?!
870
00:49:06,736 --> 00:49:09,030
It's all yours, fuckers!
871
00:49:09,197 --> 00:49:10,907
Stay in the room, American.
872
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,124
Hey.
873
00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:23,086
-Did they look in your butt?
-No, they didn't look!
874
00:49:23,252 --> 00:49:24,754
-It's still in there?
-Yes!
875
00:49:25,672 --> 00:49:28,007
-Must be deep.
-It is.
876
00:49:28,174 --> 00:49:31,427
-Get it out! I'm here to help.
-I'm gonna fucking get it out.
877
00:49:50,363 --> 00:49:51,948
Hey, how'd it go?
878
00:49:52,115 --> 00:49:55,201
-One ricin strip with your name on it.
-Got it.
879
00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:59,497
-All right. See? Not so bad.
-Yeah, not so bad.
880
00:49:59,664 --> 00:50:00,957
-What?
-Yeah.
881
00:50:01,124 --> 00:50:02,166
-That?
-This.
882
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:03,668
-In your bu--?
-Asshole.
883
00:50:03,835 --> 00:50:05,420
-No!
-Yes!
884
00:50:05,586 --> 00:50:07,922
-I was picturing like this big.
-That I could live with.
885
00:50:08,089 --> 00:50:10,133
Soon as you get home,
see a proctologist.
886
00:50:10,299 --> 00:50:13,261
-I'm afraid to look.
-You got fucked by RoboCop, dude.
887
00:50:16,556 --> 00:50:17,807
Who is it?
888
00:50:17,974 --> 00:50:19,600
It is Kim Jong-un.
889
00:50:20,393 --> 00:50:21,477
What?
890
00:50:22,311 --> 00:50:24,230
Kim Jong what?
891
00:50:24,397 --> 00:50:27,775
I am the Supreme Leader of North Korea.
892
00:50:27,942 --> 00:50:29,861
-What? What the fuck?
-It's him.
893
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,405
It's him. What is he doing here?
What the fuck?
894
00:50:32,572 --> 00:50:34,157
Hide it. Put it back up.
895
00:50:34,323 --> 00:50:37,702
No! I'm not putting it back up.
I'll hide it in my room. Go say hi.
896
00:50:37,869 --> 00:50:41,038
-What do I do? Put it on right now?
-No, then he'll die when we're still here.
897
00:50:41,205 --> 00:50:43,499
-Just put it in your pocket.
-Okay, fine.
898
00:50:43,666 --> 00:50:45,460
-Come with me.
-No, I gotta hide this.
899
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:47,503
-Aaron. Just come with me.
-No. No.
900
00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:49,172
Aaron. Aaron.
901
00:50:57,555 --> 00:50:58,765
Hi.
902
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,975
Good morning, Dave.
903
00:51:01,809 --> 00:51:04,270
Good morning. Hi.
904
00:51:04,437 --> 00:51:05,855
Dave Skylark.
905
00:51:06,773 --> 00:51:08,024
It's crazy.
906
00:51:09,901 --> 00:51:12,403
-Oh, I have a gift for you. Yeah.
-Oh, really?
907
00:51:13,905 --> 00:51:15,072
This.
908
00:51:16,115 --> 00:51:18,159
-Oh, this is me.
-It's you.
909
00:51:18,326 --> 00:51:20,912
Oh, that's great.
I always wanted one of these.
910
00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:22,121
A bust.
911
00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:23,748
Dave Skylark.
912
00:51:23,915 --> 00:51:26,250
-Hey! Thank you.
-You like that?
913
00:51:26,417 --> 00:51:27,710
So you really like the show?
914
00:51:27,877 --> 00:51:30,129
I might not show it,
but I'm freaking out.
915
00:51:30,296 --> 00:51:31,756
You're like a superfan.
916
00:51:31,923 --> 00:51:33,883
-I really am.
-Yeah!
917
00:51:34,050 --> 00:51:35,676
That's so cool.
918
00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:37,970
Don't say something stupid, Kim.
919
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:43,976
Okay, so I thought
you might enjoy breakfast...
920
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,728
...and a tour of my home.
921
00:51:46,312 --> 00:51:48,314
I'd absolutely love to.
922
00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:52,318
You know, I have to admit,
before I came here...
923
00:51:52,485 --> 00:51:54,779
...I thought this place
was gonna be a dump.
924
00:51:54,946 --> 00:51:58,533
Of course. For decades
you've heard the false rumors:
925
00:51:58,699 --> 00:52:02,787
"North Korea is a failed state.
We can't feed our people."
926
00:52:02,954 --> 00:52:04,413
It's all propaganda.
927
00:52:04,580 --> 00:52:06,582
I see. Well, yeah, I mean....
928
00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:10,336
I did see a fat kid
and a really nice-looking grocery store.
929
00:52:10,503 --> 00:52:13,506
Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores
here in North Korea.
930
00:52:13,673 --> 00:52:17,885
One of my favorite things to do
is just strolling up and down the aisles...
931
00:52:18,052 --> 00:52:20,763
...to see the beautiful fruits
of my country's land.
932
00:52:20,930 --> 00:52:24,767
I can believe that. It looks like you hit
the grocery store pretty often.
933
00:52:24,934 --> 00:52:26,060
Screw you, Dave.
934
00:52:26,227 --> 00:52:28,521
-Hey, you want to see something cool?
-Yeah.
935
00:52:39,615 --> 00:52:42,034
Holy fuck-a-moley!
936
00:52:42,201 --> 00:52:43,786
Is that real?
937
00:52:43,953 --> 00:52:46,497
It was a gift to my grandfather
from Stalin.
938
00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:50,251
In my country,
it's pronounced "Stallone."
939
00:52:51,419 --> 00:52:53,087
You're so funny, Dave.
940
00:52:54,255 --> 00:52:56,924
Right. Well, can we look inside?
941
00:52:57,091 --> 00:52:59,218
Fuck, yeah, we can. Come on.
942
00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:02,013
This is so cool!
943
00:53:02,179 --> 00:53:04,432
-A tank!
-Yeah, a tank.
944
00:53:05,558 --> 00:53:07,101
Is it still live?
945
00:53:07,768 --> 00:53:10,771
I don't know. Maybe we should find out.
946
00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:16,152
-Look. You have a sound system in here?
-Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch.
947
00:53:20,698 --> 00:53:21,949
Katy Perry?
948
00:53:23,659 --> 00:53:25,620
My wife must have put that in there.
949
00:53:25,786 --> 00:53:29,206
-I've never heard this before in my life.
-I love Katy Perry!
950
00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:32,793
Baby, you're a firework
951
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:36,505
Come on, show them what you're worth
952
00:53:36,672 --> 00:53:38,716
I love-- I listen to this all the time.
953
00:53:38,883 --> 00:53:41,260
-Really?
-I love her!
954
00:53:41,427 --> 00:53:44,931
You know why I really like her?
She has such a strong message...
955
00:53:45,097 --> 00:53:48,643
...for young women and girls
across the planet.
956
00:53:48,809 --> 00:53:50,937
It's so empowering.
957
00:53:51,103 --> 00:53:52,355
Yeah.
958
00:53:52,521 --> 00:53:56,317
You know, Dave,
sometimes I feel like a plastic bag.
959
00:53:57,526 --> 00:53:58,903
Drifting through the wind?
960
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,447
Wanting to start again.
961
00:54:03,532 --> 00:54:04,992
As you shoot across
962
00:54:05,159 --> 00:54:06,869
The sky-sky-sky
963
00:54:08,746 --> 00:54:10,957
-Good times. Yeah.
-Yeah.
964
00:54:11,123 --> 00:54:16,337
Dave, do you think that margaritas
are gay because they are so sweet?
965
00:54:16,504 --> 00:54:18,798
Did someone tell you
that margaritas are gay?
966
00:54:18,965 --> 00:54:21,509
No, it's just a question I have.
967
00:54:21,676 --> 00:54:24,804
If liking Katy Perry
and drinking margaritas is gay...
968
00:54:24,971 --> 00:54:26,722
...then who wants to be straight?
969
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:28,516
-Not me.
-Boring!
970
00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:30,351
Margaritas are great.
971
00:54:30,518 --> 00:54:33,729
And whoever planted
that in your head is crazy.
972
00:54:34,772 --> 00:54:36,315
Let me ask you something.
973
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:40,361
Does this thing still run?
974
00:54:58,504 --> 00:55:00,965
Oh, man, this is great!
975
00:55:01,132 --> 00:55:02,717
Can we fire the gun?
976
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:04,885
Think I'd tease you
and not take you all the way?
977
00:55:05,052 --> 00:55:06,470
-Really?!
-Close that shit.
978
00:55:06,637 --> 00:55:08,389
-Closing the hatch!
-Okay.
979
00:55:08,556 --> 00:55:10,349
Boom, boom, boom!
980
00:55:14,603 --> 00:55:16,147
Oh, shit!
981
00:55:16,731 --> 00:55:18,274
Fuck you, tree!
982
00:55:19,525 --> 00:55:23,863
The control room will be fully staffed
to insure an uninterrupted transmission.
983
00:55:24,030 --> 00:55:25,114
All right.
984
00:55:25,281 --> 00:55:27,033
This is the kill switch.
985
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:30,161
During the interview,
if any parameters are violated...
986
00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:32,329
...I will use it and cut the signal.
987
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:37,293
-We're gonna stick with the program.
-I will be in charge of this transmission.
988
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:40,004
Dave and the show itself
are dependent on me...
989
00:55:40,171 --> 00:55:42,298
...when it comes to how
we shoot the show.
990
00:55:42,465 --> 00:55:45,926
I know. I've watched every episode
in preparation.
991
00:55:47,053 --> 00:55:50,598
I particularly enjoyed
the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode.
992
00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:52,808
The camel toe episode.
That was good.
993
00:55:52,975 --> 00:55:54,935
I've never heard this expression before.
994
00:55:55,102 --> 00:55:59,315
But after seeing it, it is a perfect
representation of her vagina.
995
00:55:59,482 --> 00:56:01,650
It is. It looked exactly like that. Yeah.
996
00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:03,527
-It's very deep.
-Very deep.
997
00:56:03,694 --> 00:56:05,029
Quite a moose knuckle.
998
00:56:05,196 --> 00:56:08,282
You Americans are so creative
with your sexual innuendos.
999
00:56:08,449 --> 00:56:10,701
-We do it very well.
-Many animal references.
1000
00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:11,911
Oh, yes, tons.
1001
00:56:19,168 --> 00:56:22,338
Please, take this printed copy
of the questions.
1002
00:56:22,505 --> 00:56:24,632
It's crucial Dave review them.
1003
00:56:24,799 --> 00:56:28,469
Officers Koh and Yu will now take you
to your room for lunch.
1004
00:56:28,636 --> 00:56:30,888
Come, American.
Time to get even fatter.
1005
00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:32,765
Great. Thanks, guys.
1006
00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:41,232
Making you my little Korean bitch!
1007
00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:44,318
What are you gonna do,
drop nukes on L.A.?
1008
00:56:44,485 --> 00:56:47,738
-Nuke your mama!
-I bet they can't even make it to Australia!
1009
00:56:49,740 --> 00:56:50,950
Face!
1010
00:56:54,036 --> 00:56:55,162
Man...
1011
00:56:55,329 --> 00:56:57,206
...this is so nice.
1012
00:56:57,373 --> 00:57:00,334
Let me ask you something.
Don't take this the wrong way.
1013
00:57:00,501 --> 00:57:02,378
You can ask me anything, Dave.
1014
00:57:04,046 --> 00:57:05,381
Do you pee and poo?
1015
00:57:05,548 --> 00:57:07,341
You've heard the stories, huh?
1016
00:57:08,467 --> 00:57:11,387
-Yes, I pee and poo.
-So you have a butthole?
1017
00:57:11,554 --> 00:57:14,348
I've got a butthole,
and it's working overtime.
1018
00:57:14,515 --> 00:57:15,850
You are awesome.
1019
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:18,185
You know, this is so weird.
1020
00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:21,230
You are, like, the coolest guy.
1021
00:57:21,397 --> 00:57:23,607
But a lot of people say...
1022
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:25,901
...that you're batshit crazy.
1023
00:57:27,194 --> 00:57:28,946
They're not wrong.
1024
00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:32,241
I'm 31 years old.
1025
00:57:32,408 --> 00:57:36,453
The fact that I am running a country
is batshit crazy.
1026
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:40,708
What am I to do
when 24 million people...
1027
00:57:40,875 --> 00:57:44,170
...look to me as their leader,
their god?
1028
00:57:44,962 --> 00:57:50,259
What am I to do when my father's
dying wish was for me to carry his torch?
1029
00:57:53,637 --> 00:57:56,015
Know what my father said to me
on his deathbed?
1030
00:57:56,182 --> 00:57:57,808
What did he say, Dave?
1031
00:57:57,975 --> 00:58:01,604
"I'm disappointed because you haven't
done enough with your life."
1032
00:58:02,104 --> 00:58:04,148
That is fucked up.
1033
00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:05,733
Yeah, tell me about it.
1034
00:58:05,900 --> 00:58:07,067
Jordan!
1035
00:58:10,487 --> 00:58:12,114
They call me incompetent.
1036
00:58:12,281 --> 00:58:15,159
That's what they said about me
when I scored this interview!
1037
00:58:15,326 --> 00:58:18,120
-No way!
-They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid...
1038
00:58:18,287 --> 00:58:19,413
...and incompetent."
1039
00:58:19,580 --> 00:58:22,875
You're handsome, competent, suave.
How dare they?
1040
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:26,712
I pretend like their insults don't get to me.
1041
00:58:27,713 --> 00:58:28,923
But they do.
1042
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:32,676
You know what's more destructive
than a nuclear bomb?
1043
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:34,386
Words.
1044
00:58:34,887 --> 00:58:38,515
And the people are jealous of men
like you and me.
1045
00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:42,603
It's as though they despise us
because they are not us.
1046
00:58:45,231 --> 00:58:46,815
Hate us because they ain't us.
1047
00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:51,278
Exactly. They hate us
because they ain't us.
1048
00:58:52,112 --> 00:58:55,616
-That's a great saying, okay?
-Hate us because they ain't us!
1049
00:58:55,783 --> 00:58:58,410
They hate us because they ain't us!
1050
00:58:59,245 --> 00:59:01,705
Kim! You got a break!
1051
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:03,082
Alley-oop!
1052
00:59:05,501 --> 00:59:07,336
That's all right. That's all right.
1053
00:59:07,503 --> 00:59:08,921
Oh, my ankles.
1054
00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:11,423
-Okay.
-Hey, Kim.
1055
00:59:13,133 --> 00:59:14,760
Let me ask you something.
1056
00:59:18,555 --> 00:59:22,518
Was your father the one
who said that margaritas are gay?
1057
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:27,606
He said that my brothers and I
were all too feminine.
1058
00:59:28,357 --> 00:59:32,236
That our luxurious lifestyles
turned us into homosexuals.
1059
00:59:35,406 --> 00:59:38,242
I don't have to worry about that anymore.
1060
00:59:38,409 --> 00:59:41,704
Because guess what I get tons of?
1061
00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:48,002
-Pussy.
-Oh, my God.
1062
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:22,870
Hey.
1063
01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:26,790
Dude, you just spent the fucking day
with Kim Jong-un. What happened?
1064
01:00:27,791 --> 01:00:28,834
It was amazing.
1065
01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:30,586
-It was amazing?
-Yeah.
1066
01:00:30,753 --> 01:00:33,130
It was one of the best days of my life.
1067
01:00:33,297 --> 01:00:35,132
-What?
-We smoked joints...
1068
01:00:35,299 --> 01:00:36,842
...played basketball...
1069
01:00:37,009 --> 01:00:38,427
...fucked chicks.
1070
01:00:38,594 --> 01:00:40,179
We had the best margaritas.
1071
01:00:40,346 --> 01:00:42,181
Did you say you fucked chicks?
1072
01:00:42,348 --> 01:00:46,685
Oh, my God. Kim Jong is an animal!
1073
01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,979
You know you have to kill
this guy tomorrow.
1074
01:00:49,146 --> 01:00:52,524
I've been thinking a little bit
about the mission.
1075
01:00:52,691 --> 01:00:53,734
Okay.
1076
01:00:53,901 --> 01:00:55,944
America, you know...
1077
01:00:56,111 --> 01:01:00,574
...always putting its nose in things
and screwing them up.
1078
01:01:00,741 --> 01:01:03,827
The truth is, Kim is a master
at manipulating the media.
1079
01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:05,913
-Yeah?
-You're the media.
1080
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:07,664
You get what's happening here?
1081
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:10,834
Maybe the media's manipulating you.
1082
01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:13,504
What the fuck does that even mean?
1083
01:01:13,670 --> 01:01:16,632
I'm the only one
who's spent real time with him.
1084
01:01:16,799 --> 01:01:19,551
Spent face-to-face time! Dick-to-dick!
1085
01:01:19,718 --> 01:01:24,181
It's just, man, I can sympathize with
people that get dumped on by the media.
1086
01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:27,393
-And it sucks.
-You know what else fucking sucks?
1087
01:01:27,559 --> 01:01:30,646
Concentration camps, famine,
firing squads--
1088
01:01:30,813 --> 01:01:32,898
-I didn't see any here. Have you?
-No--
1089
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:38,362
Your attendance is required in
the banquet room of the Eternal Leader.
1090
01:01:38,529 --> 01:01:42,282
-Hey, how you doing?
-Yeah, seriously. You look fantastic.
1091
01:01:42,449 --> 01:01:46,703
Your obsession with my well-being is
only making me more suspicious of you.
1092
01:01:46,870 --> 01:01:48,122
Don't be suspicious.
1093
01:01:48,288 --> 01:01:51,542
-I want to know what your routine is.
-Do you take vitamins?
1094
01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:53,085
-You're doing something right.
-You look good.
1095
01:01:53,252 --> 01:01:56,630
Do not ask us any more question.
Meet us in the banquet hall.
1096
01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:36,378
You see how big their guitars are
compared to their bodies?
1097
01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:39,173
I think it's funny.
1098
01:02:39,339 --> 01:02:41,008
That is funny.
1099
01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:50,309
Oh, no.
1100
01:02:51,018 --> 01:02:52,519
It's happening.
1101
01:02:59,860 --> 01:03:00,903
Dave.
1102
01:03:02,237 --> 01:03:03,489
Dave.
1103
01:03:06,325 --> 01:03:07,743
No.
1104
01:03:18,795 --> 01:03:21,006
-Wait, what?
-Look at the fu--
1105
01:03:21,715 --> 01:03:22,758
They're good.
1106
01:03:25,761 --> 01:03:28,722
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
1107
01:03:36,188 --> 01:03:37,314
Oh, my God.
1108
01:03:39,149 --> 01:03:41,318
-What do we do?
-He's gonna poo.
1109
01:03:56,917 --> 01:03:58,085
Oh, no.
1110
01:04:00,128 --> 01:04:01,838
Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no.
1111
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:07,844
It's happening.
1112
01:04:22,442 --> 01:04:24,152
So gross.
1113
01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:29,825
Oh, no, no, no.
1114
01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:40,752
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1115
01:04:42,129 --> 01:04:43,630
Oh, my God!
1116
01:04:53,265 --> 01:04:55,601
-It's okay, man.
-No.
1117
01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:56,810
Come on, man.
1118
01:04:57,519 --> 01:04:59,354
We just killed two innocent men.
1119
01:04:59,521 --> 01:05:02,691
Look, first of all, it's not your fault
that those men died.
1120
01:05:02,858 --> 01:05:05,861
Second, they had to go.
They knew we were up to something.
1121
01:05:08,405 --> 01:05:11,366
-I'm out.
-What? You cannot pull out of this.
1122
01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:13,118
-I'm pulling out.
-You're way too deep.
1123
01:05:13,285 --> 01:05:15,245
-I'm pulling out.
-No. You are leaving it in.
1124
01:05:15,412 --> 01:05:19,082
-I've been pulling out for years.
-You are not pulling out of this mission.
1125
01:05:19,249 --> 01:05:21,752
That's the only reason we're here.
We are doing this!
1126
01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:24,796
Kim is not evil. He was just born
into a hard situation.
1127
01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:27,841
You are fucking stupid,
and you are fucking ignorant.
1128
01:05:33,263 --> 01:05:34,973
-Who you calling ign'ant?
-You, motherfucker.
1129
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:36,975
You're fucking arrogant!
1130
01:05:37,142 --> 01:05:39,561
Everything he's shown you is fake.
1131
01:05:39,728 --> 01:05:41,563
He's shown you what you wanna see.
1132
01:05:41,730 --> 01:05:43,565
He's fooled you, you fucking idiot!
1133
01:05:43,732 --> 01:05:46,860
God, look how ready you are
to betray me.
1134
01:05:47,027 --> 01:05:50,530
This whole time, I thought
you were Samwise to my Frodo.
1135
01:05:50,697 --> 01:05:52,574
But you're just Boromir.
1136
01:05:52,741 --> 01:05:54,117
I don't know who that is.
1137
01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:56,870
That's such a Boromir thing to say!
1138
01:05:57,037 --> 01:05:59,581
This is fucking done.
You are fucking done after this.
1139
01:05:59,748 --> 01:06:01,917
Once you kill this motherfucker,
this shit's over.
1140
01:06:02,084 --> 01:06:04,753
-You are going to kill him!
-You've turned me into a gun.
1141
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:07,297
And you're pointing me
at the one guy who gets me.
1142
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,257
Well, you know what, cowboy?
1143
01:06:10,050 --> 01:06:13,845
-A gun can't fire without no bullets.
-What the fuck are you doing?
1144
01:06:14,012 --> 01:06:17,099
-No, no, no!
-Yes, yes, yes!
1145
01:06:19,309 --> 01:06:20,769
Realize what you just did?
1146
01:06:20,936 --> 01:06:23,563
-I just saved a life, you murderer.
-You piece of--
1147
01:06:23,730 --> 01:06:24,773
Mr. Skylark.
1148
01:06:24,940 --> 01:06:28,235
The Supreme Leader requests
your presence in Pyongyang for dinner.
1149
01:06:28,402 --> 01:06:30,612
He will be at your door in 30 minutes.
1150
01:06:44,793 --> 01:06:48,672
Hey, Dave. Thank you for being with me
in my time of sorrow.
1151
01:06:51,591 --> 01:06:54,428
That was super gross and fucked up.
1152
01:06:54,594 --> 01:06:55,971
Hi.
1153
01:06:57,222 --> 01:06:58,640
Mr. Supreme Leader.
1154
01:06:58,807 --> 01:06:59,933
I'm Aaron.
1155
01:07:02,269 --> 01:07:03,812
-Aaron?
-Hello.
1156
01:07:03,979 --> 01:07:07,941
We never got a chance
to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader.
1157
01:07:08,108 --> 01:07:10,736
I just wanted to shake your hand.
1158
01:07:10,902 --> 01:07:14,781
Well, any friend of Dave
is a friend of mine.
1159
01:07:28,211 --> 01:07:30,672
No! Don't shake that hand.
1160
01:07:30,839 --> 01:07:32,340
-Why not?
-Yeah, why not?!
1161
01:07:32,507 --> 01:07:35,218
-Because Aaron's a Jew.
-Oh, gross.
1162
01:07:35,677 --> 01:07:38,680
-Let's go, Supreme Leader.
-Okay. It was nice meeting you.
1163
01:07:40,182 --> 01:07:42,017
Don't you know Jews are bad luck?
1164
01:07:42,184 --> 01:07:44,853
-Fuck you.
-Friends don't kill friends' friends.
1165
01:07:48,607 --> 01:07:50,776
Okay. Okay.
1166
01:07:50,942 --> 01:07:52,569
Oh, fuck.
1167
01:07:58,658 --> 01:08:00,452
We need to review some new data...
1168
01:08:00,619 --> 01:08:02,746
...the Leader wants included
in the interview.
1169
01:08:02,913 --> 01:08:06,166
-Now's not really the best time.
-It will only take a moment.
1170
01:08:08,627 --> 01:08:09,878
Yeah, okay.
1171
01:08:10,045 --> 01:08:11,505
-Great.
-Thank you.
1172
01:08:12,047 --> 01:08:13,715
Would you like to share a drink?
1173
01:08:16,968 --> 01:08:19,971
Raise your glasses. Koh and Yu!
1174
01:08:20,138 --> 01:08:24,643
Koh and Yu possessed
the finest trait men can have:
1175
01:08:25,519 --> 01:08:26,895
Loyalty.
1176
01:08:27,062 --> 01:08:28,438
I know how you feel.
1177
01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:31,441
My dog Digby died when I was a kid,
and I'm still fucked up about it.
1178
01:08:34,736 --> 01:08:40,116
Loyalty is what made my father
and grandfather so successful.
1179
01:08:40,283 --> 01:08:42,452
That's right. Hey, listen up. You.
1180
01:08:42,619 --> 01:08:44,412
Without loyalty...
1181
01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:46,957
...a country is a lawless jungle.
1182
01:08:49,334 --> 01:08:52,587
Welcome to the jungle, baby.
Welcome to the jungle.
1183
01:08:52,754 --> 01:08:55,715
On your...knees.
1184
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,509
How else can I prevail...
1185
01:08:57,676 --> 01:08:59,970
...against so many enemies?
1186
01:09:00,846 --> 01:09:02,138
Defectors.
1187
01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:04,099
South Korean capitalists.
1188
01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:06,518
The people in this room...
1189
01:09:06,685 --> 01:09:09,479
...who don't think
I can fill my father's shoes!
1190
01:09:09,646 --> 01:09:12,941
These bastards deserve no humanity!
1191
01:09:15,318 --> 01:09:20,323
To those who seek to undermine me,
at home and abroad...
1192
01:09:20,866 --> 01:09:23,159
...I cannot respond with anything less...
1193
01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:25,745
...than the totality of my strength!
1194
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:31,126
If a billion people across the earth
and in my own country...
1195
01:09:31,293 --> 01:09:33,670
...must be burned to prove it...
1196
01:09:33,837 --> 01:09:36,298
...then my worthiness as a Kim...
1197
01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:38,550
...will be demonstrated!
1198
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,941
Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside.
Is that okay?
1199
01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,735
I'm just feeling....
1200
01:09:56,902 --> 01:09:58,236
Too much...
1201
01:09:58,987 --> 01:10:00,530
...soju, whatever.
1202
01:10:01,239 --> 01:10:02,365
Okay.
1203
01:10:03,533 --> 01:10:04,576
I'll be back.
1204
01:10:04,743 --> 01:10:08,747
So how'd you wind up
as one of the heads...
1205
01:10:08,914 --> 01:10:10,665
...of a dictatorship?
1206
01:10:11,666 --> 01:10:15,337
One day, officials came to my classroom
in search of a young woman...
1207
01:10:15,503 --> 01:10:17,839
...to serve on
the Kim family personal staff.
1208
01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:20,342
They selected me.
1209
01:10:20,967 --> 01:10:22,302
Over the years...
1210
01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:24,554
...I grew close with Kim Jong-un.
1211
01:10:24,721 --> 01:10:27,891
When he rose to power,
he took me with him.
1212
01:10:29,601 --> 01:10:31,853
And here I am.
1213
01:10:32,020 --> 01:10:34,564
Kind of have a guy like that
in my life too.
1214
01:10:35,106 --> 01:10:37,692
You've been with Dave a long time.
1215
01:10:37,859 --> 01:10:39,486
He's a hard guy to leave.
1216
01:10:39,653 --> 01:10:41,738
You like the money
and can't say no to Dave.
1217
01:10:41,905 --> 01:10:43,531
No.
1218
01:10:43,698 --> 01:10:45,867
Yes! I know you.
1219
01:10:46,034 --> 01:10:47,911
You're fucking awesome.
1220
01:10:48,078 --> 01:10:51,873
-No, I don't understand you.
-You know, it's a little bit weird.
1221
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:55,543
Do you have a boyfriend?
Is that too forward of me to ask?
1222
01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:59,422
What are you looking at?
1223
01:11:00,256 --> 01:11:01,466
I should leave.
1224
01:11:01,633 --> 01:11:02,676
Why?
1225
01:11:03,176 --> 01:11:06,221
I'm concerned my feelings
of attraction for you...
1226
01:11:06,388 --> 01:11:08,181
...will cause me to make mistakes.
1227
01:11:08,348 --> 01:11:10,266
Your feelings of attraction for me?
1228
01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:11,810
Fuck this!
1229
01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:17,857
Ever since I saw you,
this is all I've been thinking about.
1230
01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:19,401
Me too!
1231
01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:41,483
Fake.
1232
01:12:42,484 --> 01:12:43,818
Fake carrots.
1233
01:12:44,736 --> 01:12:45,820
Fake fruit!
1234
01:12:46,279 --> 01:12:47,447
Fake!
1235
01:12:49,074 --> 01:12:50,200
Fake!
1236
01:12:51,201 --> 01:12:52,869
Fake grapefruits!
1237
01:12:54,204 --> 01:12:55,455
Fake!
1238
01:12:57,874 --> 01:12:59,584
Liar!
1239
01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:03,379
You liar!
1240
01:13:10,386 --> 01:13:11,971
Why aren't I naked yet?
1241
01:13:16,601 --> 01:13:17,644
Yeah!
1242
01:13:17,811 --> 01:13:20,480
You're hairy! You so hairy like a bear!
1243
01:13:20,647 --> 01:13:22,273
You're fucking sexy. Yeah.
1244
01:13:22,440 --> 01:13:25,235
-Your nipples are so pink!
-Yes, they are.
1245
01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:26,778
I love it!
1246
01:13:27,946 --> 01:13:29,739
No! Whoa! No!
1247
01:13:29,906 --> 01:13:31,533
-No hands.
-No hands?
1248
01:13:31,699 --> 01:13:34,369
I'm not into handsy shit.
That's how I like it.
1249
01:13:36,663 --> 01:13:38,957
-Just take it off!
-Okay.
1250
01:13:40,792 --> 01:13:43,253
-You said no hands!
-You hit me with your hand!
1251
01:13:43,419 --> 01:13:44,879
How do I get it off?!
1252
01:13:45,046 --> 01:13:48,133
Use your big, fat American teeth.
1253
01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:50,093
Okay! I will!
1254
01:13:50,260 --> 01:13:51,427
This is awesome.
1255
01:13:51,594 --> 01:13:52,679
Yeah!
1256
01:13:57,350 --> 01:13:58,935
Oh, this is hard.
1257
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:05,859
Shit.
1258
01:14:07,569 --> 01:14:09,154
Oh, shit, what's wrong?
1259
01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:13,449
The numbers I gave you
on potato output...
1260
01:14:14,284 --> 01:14:16,077
...are exaggerated.
1261
01:14:16,244 --> 01:14:18,955
That's okay with me.
I don't really care about that.
1262
01:14:19,122 --> 01:14:21,082
We can get back
to what we were doing.
1263
01:14:21,249 --> 01:14:23,418
No, it's not just the numbers!
1264
01:14:23,585 --> 01:14:26,629
-I am a terrible person.
-No. You're the best person.
1265
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:29,799
You were about to have sex with me.
That's the best thing someone could do.
1266
01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:33,553
I'm the propagandist
of a totalitarian dictatorship.
1267
01:14:34,345 --> 01:14:38,183
That's an area you could improve,
but you don't have to dwell on it.
1268
01:14:38,349 --> 01:14:42,270
He's as cruel as his father
and grandfather before him!
1269
01:14:42,437 --> 01:14:46,024
You knew this this whole time.
Why is this just bothering you now?
1270
01:14:46,191 --> 01:14:48,651
It's been bothering me for a long time.
1271
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:51,196
And I'm not the only one.
1272
01:14:51,362 --> 01:14:54,616
But too many people see him as a god.
1273
01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:57,952
How do you prove to 24 million people...
1274
01:14:58,119 --> 01:15:01,581
...that their god is a murderer
and a liar?
1275
01:15:02,832 --> 01:15:06,211
-Aaron, I need to talk.
-Fuck, it's Dave. Shit.
1276
01:15:06,377 --> 01:15:07,879
You hide in there.
1277
01:15:08,046 --> 01:15:10,381
-I'll go deal with him.
-Okay. Go, go, go.
1278
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:14,552
-Aaron, are you here?
-Yeah, one sec. One sec.
1279
01:15:14,719 --> 01:15:17,430
-Don't come in, don't come in!
-I need to talk.
1280
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:20,808
-Hey, how's it going, dude?
-Not good.
1281
01:15:20,975 --> 01:15:22,185
We should take a walk.
1282
01:15:22,352 --> 01:15:25,855
No, no, no. I can't walk this off.
I cannot walk this off.
1283
01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:27,190
I need to....
1284
01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:30,276
I'm so fucking pissed.
1285
01:15:30,443 --> 01:15:33,404
-I just wanna hit something!
-No! Don't punch anything!
1286
01:15:37,075 --> 01:15:38,743
Breathe. Just breathe.
1287
01:15:38,910 --> 01:15:40,828
-Maybe pace it out.
-Fuck, man.
1288
01:15:40,995 --> 01:15:42,038
Kim.
1289
01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:43,873
-What about him?
-He's going crazy.
1290
01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:47,210
He's gonna blow up the world
just to show that he's the shit!
1291
01:15:47,377 --> 01:15:48,670
And at first I thought:
1292
01:15:48,836 --> 01:15:52,799
"All right, maybe he's just talking,
you know. Maybe he doesn't mean it."
1293
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:58,012
-Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit.
-What?
1294
01:15:58,179 --> 01:16:00,640
All the food in that grocery store is fake!
1295
01:16:00,807 --> 01:16:02,141
He fucking lied to me.
1296
01:16:02,308 --> 01:16:04,811
Maybe that fat kid isn't fat.
1297
01:16:04,978 --> 01:16:07,939
I mean, oh!
What about the concentration camps?
1298
01:16:08,106 --> 01:16:11,192
And the famine. Maybe that's real. God!
1299
01:16:12,235 --> 01:16:14,737
It is. I've been telling you that
for weeks now.
1300
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:18,116
He fucking honeydicked me.
He honeydicked the shit out of me.
1301
01:16:18,283 --> 01:16:20,368
-Sucks.
-You still got that poison?
1302
01:16:23,621 --> 01:16:25,790
You can't speak? What the fuck?
1303
01:16:25,957 --> 01:16:29,585
I wanna know if you have the poison
so we can kill that motherfucker.
1304
01:16:29,752 --> 01:16:30,795
What?!
1305
01:16:30,962 --> 01:16:32,839
Spy! What the hell?!
1306
01:16:33,006 --> 01:16:34,507
-She's on our side!
-Fuck's going on?!
1307
01:16:34,674 --> 01:16:36,259
-You can trust me.
-You can trust her!
1308
01:16:36,426 --> 01:16:38,511
Trust her?! Are you joking?!
We gotta kill her!
1309
01:16:38,678 --> 01:16:39,887
I was in bed with her!
1310
01:16:40,054 --> 01:16:41,931
We were hooking up.
That's why she's here.
1311
01:16:42,098 --> 01:16:44,100
-What?!
-Let him go. Everything is fine.
1312
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:47,437
Now we gotta kill the girl that you like.
This is the worst moment ever!
1313
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:49,355
We're not killing her!
1314
01:16:50,064 --> 01:16:52,233
-She's loyal to Kim.
-No! Dude!
1315
01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:54,527
She was just telling me she's with us.
1316
01:16:54,694 --> 01:16:57,780
I hate Kim. He is a terrible leader.
1317
01:16:57,947 --> 01:16:59,115
-See?
-Okay.
1318
01:16:59,282 --> 01:17:00,825
She can help us kill him.
1319
01:17:00,992 --> 01:17:02,618
What? No! No! No killing!
1320
01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:05,246
Kim must die! That's the American way.
1321
01:17:05,413 --> 01:17:08,249
How many times can the U.S.
make the same mistake?
1322
01:17:08,416 --> 01:17:09,792
As many times as it takes.
1323
01:17:09,959 --> 01:17:11,502
Killing Kim won't change anything.
1324
01:17:11,669 --> 01:17:14,505
You said it yourself!
We gotta do something. Right?
1325
01:17:14,672 --> 01:17:17,550
He will be replaced.
He has brothers, other generals.
1326
01:17:17,717 --> 01:17:21,137
The people need to be shown
that he is not a god.
1327
01:17:21,304 --> 01:17:22,722
That he is a man.
1328
01:17:22,889 --> 01:17:25,099
Then they will be ready for change.
1329
01:17:25,266 --> 01:17:26,976
Yeah? How?
1330
01:17:27,477 --> 01:17:29,228
Interviewing him.
1331
01:17:29,395 --> 01:17:32,106
Everyone in North Korea
will be watching.
1332
01:17:32,273 --> 01:17:34,192
No, look, the interview's scripted.
1333
01:17:34,359 --> 01:17:37,320
His people are never gonna let me
ask real questions.
1334
01:17:37,487 --> 01:17:40,698
-Dave, I am his people.
-She controls the broadcast.
1335
01:17:40,865 --> 01:17:43,034
I can't do political interviews.
1336
01:17:43,201 --> 01:17:44,911
I do entertainment interviews.
1337
01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:48,331
-Dude. You can fucking do this.
-Yeah?
1338
01:17:48,498 --> 01:17:51,125
You don't interview with your brain.
You interview with your heart.
1339
01:17:51,292 --> 01:17:53,628
-True.
-Your emotion, Dave.
1340
01:17:53,795 --> 01:17:59,050
You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry
like a baby in front of all of North Korea?
1341
01:17:59,217 --> 01:18:00,927
They'll know he's not a god.
1342
01:18:01,511 --> 01:18:03,179
I think I can do this.
1343
01:18:03,846 --> 01:18:05,014
You can do it.
1344
01:18:05,181 --> 01:18:06,724
I'm Dave Skylark...
1345
01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:09,018
...and I can interview anyone.
1346
01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:12,355
-Yeah, you can.
-Let's take this motherfucker down!
1347
01:18:26,411 --> 01:18:28,287
Oh, God! Oh, God!
1348
01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:31,290
You got a lot of pent-up energy! Oh, God!
1349
01:18:33,960 --> 01:18:35,837
Okay. Everything's ready.
1350
01:18:36,003 --> 01:18:38,297
You ready to rock?
You memorize those facts?
1351
01:18:38,464 --> 01:18:40,299
-I'm ready, baby.
-Great.
1352
01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:42,802
-How many people in camps?
-Two hundred thousand.
1353
01:18:42,969 --> 01:18:45,096
-How many malnourished?
-Sixteen million.
1354
01:18:45,263 --> 01:18:47,473
They spent 800 million
on nukes last year...
1355
01:18:47,640 --> 01:18:50,351
...and got 200 million in food aid
from the U.N.
1356
01:18:51,352 --> 01:18:53,729
And I got more
where that came from, baby.
1357
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:55,356
You're gonna nail this shit.
1358
01:18:55,523 --> 01:18:57,150
I just wish we had an escape plan.
1359
01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:59,610
-Why don't we go to Japan?
-It's across the Sea of Japan.
1360
01:18:59,777 --> 01:19:01,028
-Why don't we swim?
-Can't swim that.
1361
01:19:01,195 --> 01:19:02,905
-I'm a good swimmer.
-It's really far.
1362
01:19:03,072 --> 01:19:04,699
-People have done it.
-Nope.
1363
01:19:04,866 --> 01:19:06,200
-Michael Phelps did it.
-Not true.
1364
01:19:06,367 --> 01:19:08,494
-Okay.
-Skylark, two-minute warning.
1365
01:19:09,078 --> 01:19:11,873
-Keep me on the air as long as you can.
-I will, man.
1366
01:19:12,623 --> 01:19:15,293
-Maybe we won't get out of here.
-No. We might die.
1367
01:19:16,294 --> 01:19:19,213
I've had a great life.
I had the best, best friend.
1368
01:19:19,839 --> 01:19:21,841
Fucked more women
than Ellen DeGeneres.
1369
01:19:22,008 --> 01:19:25,720
Now, it's time for the North Korean
people to get their dicks wet.
1370
01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:29,724
This is a perfect ending for the tell-all.
1371
01:19:31,517 --> 01:19:35,188
As the two best friends stared
each other in the eyes...
1372
01:19:35,938 --> 01:19:37,440
...they knew...
1373
01:19:37,607 --> 01:19:40,401
...that this might be the end
of the long road.
1374
01:19:40,568 --> 01:19:42,528
But they also knew...
1375
01:19:42,695 --> 01:19:44,697
...how much they meant to each other.
1376
01:19:44,864 --> 01:19:48,659
And even though neither one
could say it out loud...
1377
01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:51,454
...they were both thinking:
1378
01:19:52,747 --> 01:19:54,165
-I love you.
-I love you.
1379
01:19:54,332 --> 01:19:55,917
Bro.
1380
01:19:56,083 --> 01:19:59,045
-Okay, man. You got this.
-Okay.
1381
01:20:03,007 --> 01:20:04,467
Showtime.
1382
01:21:02,817 --> 01:21:04,026
Dave.
1383
01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:06,028
Kim.
1384
01:21:07,738 --> 01:21:11,325
Are you ready to share with the world
that gorgeous smile of yours?
1385
01:21:11,492 --> 01:21:14,662
Tonight, I think it's your smile
they wanna see.
1386
01:21:16,163 --> 01:21:17,915
I have something for you.
1387
01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:19,208
What?
1388
01:21:21,961 --> 01:21:23,879
-What's this?
-Open.
1389
01:21:33,347 --> 01:21:35,433
-For me?
-For you.
1390
01:21:39,979 --> 01:21:41,814
He's just like Digby.
1391
01:21:41,981 --> 01:21:43,107
Just like Digby.
1392
01:21:43,274 --> 01:21:46,402
-I think I'm gonna die. Oh, my God.
-Don't die, please.
1393
01:21:46,902 --> 01:21:48,696
Not till after the interview.
1394
01:21:48,863 --> 01:21:51,115
This dog is killing me with cuteness.
1395
01:21:51,282 --> 01:21:52,408
He's crazy cute.
1396
01:21:52,575 --> 01:21:55,620
-Can I keep it?
-Take him home, forever and ever.
1397
01:21:56,662 --> 01:21:57,830
Why?
1398
01:21:59,206 --> 01:22:02,543
I live a lonely life, Dave.
1399
01:22:02,710 --> 01:22:07,131
And it warms my heart to know
that there is someone in this world...
1400
01:22:07,298 --> 01:22:10,426
...with whom I can truly be myself.
1401
01:22:11,510 --> 01:22:13,512
Whatever they say about you...
1402
01:22:15,306 --> 01:22:16,599
...they're wrong.
1403
01:22:18,601 --> 01:22:21,187
I'm just me, and I do my best.
1404
01:22:21,354 --> 01:22:22,938
You're my brother.
1405
01:22:24,065 --> 01:22:25,608
You're my brother.
1406
01:22:27,485 --> 01:22:29,403
Let's get this out of the way, okay?
1407
01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:31,405
-Okay.
-Okay.
1408
01:22:31,572 --> 01:22:33,658
And what are we gonna name you, huh?
1409
01:22:33,824 --> 01:22:35,618
You need a name? Yes, you do.
1410
01:22:41,707 --> 01:22:44,251
Look, look. He looks just like Digby.
1411
01:22:45,753 --> 01:22:47,421
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
1412
01:22:47,588 --> 01:22:49,757
We'll see you in a minute. Bye-bye.
1413
01:22:51,634 --> 01:22:54,428
-Okay. Shall we begin?
-Okay. You ready?
1414
01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:56,764
Shut the fuck up. Guys, it's starting!
1415
01:22:58,599 --> 01:23:01,352
And we're on in five...
1416
01:23:01,519 --> 01:23:03,354
...four, three....
1417
01:23:06,524 --> 01:23:09,735
Good evening. And good morning
to our viewers around the world.
1418
01:23:09,902 --> 01:23:11,570
I'm Dave Skylark.
1419
01:23:11,737 --> 01:23:15,533
Thank you for joining me
for this historic moment in history.
1420
01:23:15,700 --> 01:23:17,743
I'm with President Kim Jong-un...
1421
01:23:17,910 --> 01:23:20,705
...of the Democratic People's
Republic of Korea.
1422
01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:24,375
We are broadcasting from a station
outside of Pyongyang...
1423
01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:28,504
...for this very special edition of:
Skylark Tonight.
1424
01:23:30,756 --> 01:23:33,342
Thank you for joining me,
President Kim Jong-un.
1425
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:36,011
It is my pleasure, Dave.
You know...
1426
01:23:36,178 --> 01:23:39,432
...there is so much misunderstanding
about North Korea...
1427
01:23:39,598 --> 01:23:41,392
...and me personally.
1428
01:23:41,559 --> 01:23:46,021
And I can't think of a man
with greater intelligence than you.
1429
01:23:46,188 --> 01:23:47,231
I am grateful...
1430
01:23:47,398 --> 01:23:52,069
...for this opportunity for my government
and for the international community...
1431
01:23:52,236 --> 01:23:55,906
...to forge a better relationship.
1432
01:23:56,073 --> 01:23:58,951
-So you wanna set the record straight.
-Indeed, Dave.
1433
01:23:59,118 --> 01:24:00,286
Camera three.
1434
01:24:02,204 --> 01:24:05,332
Tensions between your nation
and South Korea are at a high.
1435
01:24:05,499 --> 01:24:08,544
It's fair to say that you're
on the brink of armed conflict.
1436
01:24:08,711 --> 01:24:10,921
So what I want to know is...
1437
01:24:11,088 --> 01:24:13,799
...in these times of great stress...
1438
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,634
...do you do karaoke?
1439
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:17,178
Yes, I do, Dave.
1440
01:24:17,344 --> 01:24:20,973
I believe that it is important
for those in power...
1441
01:24:21,140 --> 01:24:23,559
...to remain in touch
with the beauty in life.
1442
01:24:23,726 --> 01:24:26,771
You are also a very accomplished
painter, aren't you?
1443
01:24:26,937 --> 01:24:28,189
Well, how can I not be?
1444
01:24:28,355 --> 01:24:31,734
-He's reading the script.
-He lulls them and then he gets them.
1445
01:24:31,901 --> 01:24:33,235
It's his technique.
1446
01:24:33,402 --> 01:24:34,737
The beauty guides you.
1447
01:24:34,904 --> 01:24:36,197
It guides my hand.
1448
01:24:36,906 --> 01:24:38,866
This is fucking bullshit.
1449
01:24:39,033 --> 01:24:42,244
Let's take it to a serious tip.
Supreme Leader Kim...
1450
01:24:42,411 --> 01:24:47,750
...when the United States, which has an
enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons...
1451
01:24:47,917 --> 01:24:51,962
...insists that countries like yours
have none...
1452
01:24:52,838 --> 01:24:55,508
...does that feel hypocritical to you?
1453
01:24:55,674 --> 01:24:58,385
Many Americans do not realize...
1454
01:24:58,552 --> 01:25:02,973
...that the war in North Korea was
entirely the fault of the United States.
1455
01:25:03,140 --> 01:25:05,768
Damn! Kim's calling us out!
1456
01:25:05,935 --> 01:25:07,728
-You really are still hopeful?
-No.
1457
01:25:07,895 --> 01:25:10,105
I'm not hopeful at all.
He's bailed on the plan.
1458
01:25:10,272 --> 01:25:12,274
America, what you done
to these Koreans?
1459
01:25:12,441 --> 01:25:14,443
This is a little embarrassing.
1460
01:25:14,610 --> 01:25:17,154
When you think of all
that your country has been through...
1461
01:25:17,321 --> 01:25:20,032
...the wars, the floods...
1462
01:25:20,199 --> 01:25:22,743
...do you think your people
should be rewarded...
1463
01:25:22,910 --> 01:25:25,871
...for their resilience and strength?
1464
01:25:26,539 --> 01:25:28,499
Of course, Dave.
1465
01:25:31,919 --> 01:25:33,629
Then, why don't you feed them?
1466
01:25:42,346 --> 01:25:43,931
I....
1467
01:25:45,307 --> 01:25:46,308
Camera two.
1468
01:25:49,311 --> 01:25:51,105
I beg your pardon?
1469
01:25:51,272 --> 01:25:53,274
Why don't you feed your people?
1470
01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:56,569
They are hungry.
Specifically, two-thirds of them.
1471
01:25:56,735 --> 01:26:01,156
Isn't that embarrassing since you're the
one they view as a provider and a god?
1472
01:26:01,323 --> 01:26:04,243
And you spend $800 million
on nukes every year?
1473
01:26:04,410 --> 01:26:06,453
And you have
16 million starving people?
1474
01:26:14,628 --> 01:26:16,422
Are you sure you don't...
1475
01:26:16,589 --> 01:26:19,091
...mean to ask me about potato yields?
1476
01:26:19,258 --> 01:26:22,011
No. I wanna know about
that other thing I just asked.
1477
01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:23,512
Okay, well...
1478
01:26:23,679 --> 01:26:26,265
...Dave, as you have seen for yourself...
1479
01:26:26,974 --> 01:26:29,602
...we have a great bounty of food
in North Korea.
1480
01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:31,145
What I saw for myself...
1481
01:26:31,312 --> 01:26:34,148
...was a fake grocery store...
1482
01:26:34,315 --> 01:26:37,026
...with a fake fat kid
planted right in front of it!
1483
01:26:40,905 --> 01:26:44,575
Okay, this is an offensive line
of questioning.
1484
01:26:44,742 --> 01:26:47,369
I don't think it's offensive.
It's important.
1485
01:26:47,536 --> 01:26:50,205
If you don't wanna answer,
you can get up and walk away.
1486
01:26:50,372 --> 01:26:52,041
I can't keep you
from retreating.
1487
01:26:52,207 --> 01:26:54,960
-He's gonna go for the button.
-He's sitting there. Not moving.
1488
01:26:55,127 --> 01:26:57,046
-He's going for the button!
-He's not.
1489
01:26:57,212 --> 01:27:00,257
-Oh, shit. He's making a move!
-Don't move, homie!
1490
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:02,718
Get your hand away!
1491
01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:10,601
I will cap you! I'm exploding with energy.
I can't believe this.
1492
01:27:10,768 --> 01:27:13,020
I feel so alive right now.
This is so real.
1493
01:27:13,646 --> 01:27:15,439
He's got him. Nice!
1494
01:27:15,606 --> 01:27:18,108
-Dave! Dave.
-I know you, Kim.
1495
01:27:25,032 --> 01:27:28,452
Dave, perhaps the question
you should ask is:
1496
01:27:28,619 --> 01:27:32,081
How have I managed to keep my country
so well-nourished...
1497
01:27:32,247 --> 01:27:35,209
...despite the harsh
and unjust economic sanctions...
1498
01:27:35,376 --> 01:27:39,338
...imposed on North Korea
by the United States?
1499
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:41,131
Sanctions?
1500
01:27:42,216 --> 01:27:47,054
Don't you know that the U.S. has more
incarcerated people per capita than us?
1501
01:27:47,221 --> 01:27:48,263
No. But--
1502
01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:51,934
So perhaps now you would like
to return to the civil discussion...
1503
01:27:52,101 --> 01:27:54,269
...we had originally agreed upon.
1504
01:27:56,647 --> 01:27:58,399
No! Get him!
1505
01:28:02,569 --> 01:28:04,655
Oh, shit! Go to camera one!
1506
01:28:09,118 --> 01:28:10,953
Camera three! Camera three!
1507
01:28:16,041 --> 01:28:17,209
Do not move, homie!
1508
01:28:26,468 --> 01:28:29,596
Give me something!
Give me fucking something! Okay.
1509
01:28:30,973 --> 01:28:34,977
Why?! Fuck! Shit, that hurts!
1510
01:28:35,144 --> 01:28:37,521
We don't have concentration camps,
Dave.
1511
01:28:37,688 --> 01:28:42,109
Have you seen one person mistreated
since your arrival here?
1512
01:28:45,821 --> 01:28:48,824
Oh, shit! Shit. Someone's coming.
Someone's coming.
1513
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:04,298
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
1514
01:29:04,465 --> 01:29:07,301
Dave, unless you can show me
a person, a photo...
1515
01:29:07,468 --> 01:29:09,178
...of widespread hunger....
1516
01:29:15,559 --> 01:29:16,935
Aaron!
1517
01:29:29,615 --> 01:29:31,492
Do not fuck with my angles!
1518
01:29:44,129 --> 01:29:46,131
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1519
01:29:47,424 --> 01:29:49,218
You're fucking up the angles!
1520
01:29:50,469 --> 01:29:52,054
Sit still!
1521
01:29:53,430 --> 01:29:54,515
Slow push!
1522
01:30:08,821 --> 01:30:10,447
Thank you!
1523
01:30:10,614 --> 01:30:12,616
Face it, Dave, you have failed.
1524
01:30:12,783 --> 01:30:16,203
You've made wild allegations,
but you have proven nothing.
1525
01:30:16,370 --> 01:30:20,207
You made this long journey just to show
the world that they were right about you.
1526
01:30:20,374 --> 01:30:24,336
You are incapable
of conducting a real interview.
1527
01:30:24,503 --> 01:30:26,213
You're a joke!
1528
01:30:30,259 --> 01:30:31,677
Maybe you're right.
1529
01:30:33,637 --> 01:30:34,847
Yeah, it sucks.
1530
01:30:35,389 --> 01:30:37,558
Because I need people's approval.
1531
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:40,727
Desperately.
1532
01:30:40,894 --> 01:30:42,688
Because I could never get it...
1533
01:30:43,272 --> 01:30:45,524
...from my father when I was a kid.
1534
01:30:52,197 --> 01:30:54,992
But I see a lot of the same thing
in you, Kim.
1535
01:30:57,202 --> 01:30:58,620
Your father...
1536
01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:02,583
...deprived you
of life's simplest pleasures.
1537
01:31:04,168 --> 01:31:06,295
He told you that margaritas are gay.
1538
01:31:07,045 --> 01:31:09,798
I have no comment on margaritas.
1539
01:31:10,424 --> 01:31:14,636
-Then why don't you drink them?
-I don't like brain freeze.
1540
01:31:16,430 --> 01:31:18,557
Fuck you, Dave.
1541
01:31:18,724 --> 01:31:20,684
You fucking asshole!
1542
01:31:20,851 --> 01:31:23,312
I just have one more question for you.
1543
01:31:25,439 --> 01:31:29,902
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
1544
01:31:30,068 --> 01:31:34,740
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
1545
01:31:35,490 --> 01:31:38,410
-What is that? I don't know what that is.
-Yes, you do.
1546
01:31:38,577 --> 01:31:41,038
No, I don't. I never heard that before.
1547
01:31:41,205 --> 01:31:45,000
Do you ever feel
Feel so paper-thin
1548
01:31:45,834 --> 01:31:48,420
Just like a house of cards
1549
01:31:48,587 --> 01:31:51,131
One blow from caving in?
1550
01:31:52,049 --> 01:31:55,260
-I don't know what you're singing.
-You know what it is.
1551
01:31:55,427 --> 01:31:57,679
-No, I don't.
-You don't need to lie.
1552
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:00,307
Katy Perry's your favorite!
1553
01:32:00,474 --> 01:32:03,727
Katy who? I don't know
who you're talking about.
1554
01:32:03,894 --> 01:32:08,190
You just gotta ignite the light
1555
01:32:08,357 --> 01:32:11,610
And let it shine
1556
01:32:11,777 --> 01:32:13,654
Not the chorus, please!
1557
01:32:13,820 --> 01:32:18,742
And own the night
Like it's the Fourth of July
1558
01:32:18,909 --> 01:32:23,080
-'Cause, Kimmy, you're a firework
-Stop!
1559
01:32:23,247 --> 01:32:27,251
Go and show 'em what you're worth
1560
01:32:27,417 --> 01:32:30,754
And make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
1561
01:32:30,921 --> 01:32:34,424
As you sail across the sky-y-y
1562
01:32:35,384 --> 01:32:38,220
Kimmy, you're a firework
1563
01:32:38,387 --> 01:32:39,721
No!
1564
01:32:39,888 --> 01:32:42,057
I don't need my father!
1565
01:32:42,224 --> 01:32:44,643
I am strong!
1566
01:33:08,667 --> 01:33:10,002
Excuse me.
1567
01:33:10,168 --> 01:33:12,671
-Did you just shart?
-No, I didn't.
1568
01:33:12,838 --> 01:33:15,048
It was that camera guy.
1569
01:33:15,215 --> 01:33:16,258
It wasn't me.
1570
01:33:16,425 --> 01:33:20,554
Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Jong-un
has just pooed in his pants.
1571
01:33:26,518 --> 01:33:28,228
Let's get the fuck out of here.
1572
01:33:29,354 --> 01:33:30,772
Yeah. Let's go.
1573
01:34:11,188 --> 01:34:14,149
Damn, girl. You a badass.
1574
01:34:14,316 --> 01:34:16,860
I thought you were my friend, Dave.
1575
01:34:17,027 --> 01:34:18,904
I thought you were my friend, Kim.
1576
01:34:20,030 --> 01:34:21,823
I thought everyone lied about you.
1577
01:34:21,990 --> 01:34:24,326
And then I saw that fake grapefruit...
1578
01:34:24,493 --> 01:34:26,161
...in that fake grocery store...
1579
01:34:26,870 --> 01:34:29,247
...and I realized
that you were a fake friend.
1580
01:34:30,665 --> 01:34:32,959
You said you were gonna
blow everybody up...
1581
01:34:33,126 --> 01:34:35,337
...just to show what a big guy you are?
1582
01:34:35,504 --> 01:34:38,131
No friend would blow up
another friend's country.
1583
01:34:38,298 --> 01:34:41,593
You're just a flawed man
with a big ol' butthole.
1584
01:34:41,760 --> 01:34:43,804
And you pee and poo
like the rest of us.
1585
01:34:54,981 --> 01:34:56,358
Well, tell me this, Dave:
1586
01:34:58,276 --> 01:35:02,531
Will you be so cocky when I slay you
in front of the whole world...
1587
01:35:02,697 --> 01:35:04,825
...you Yankee motherfucker?
1588
01:35:05,367 --> 01:35:08,537
If you shoot me,
you'll just be proving me right.
1589
01:35:09,579 --> 01:35:11,248
You're just a sad, little man.
1590
01:35:15,377 --> 01:35:17,754
Dave! Dave, no!
1591
01:35:22,467 --> 01:35:24,719
This is Dave Skylark...
1592
01:35:24,886 --> 01:35:26,513
...signing off.
1593
01:35:32,477 --> 01:35:34,396
Goodbye, Dave.
1594
01:35:43,572 --> 01:35:44,823
Oh, man.
1595
01:35:51,913 --> 01:35:53,165
Bulletproof vest.
1596
01:35:53,331 --> 01:35:54,916
Genius!
1597
01:35:56,710 --> 01:35:59,129
He's alive, everybody. Oh, fuck!
1598
01:35:59,296 --> 01:36:01,965
Got a bulletproof vest on!
I don't know how he got it!
1599
01:36:02,132 --> 01:36:03,508
But he's got it on!
1600
01:36:03,675 --> 01:36:05,927
Thank you for watching my interview.
1601
01:36:06,094 --> 01:36:07,429
This is Dave Skylark...
1602
01:36:07,596 --> 01:36:09,556
...signing off.
1603
01:36:10,807 --> 01:36:12,225
-No!
-Aaron!
1604
01:36:13,101 --> 01:36:16,188
-Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Wait! The puppy.
1605
01:36:16,354 --> 01:36:19,733
-What happened to your hand?
-Someone bit my fucking fingers off.
1606
01:36:19,900 --> 01:36:22,194
-That's just like Frodo!
-Whoa! Shit!
1607
01:36:23,361 --> 01:36:24,696
Don't shoot! I have a puppy!
1608
01:36:40,086 --> 01:36:41,254
Go!
1609
01:36:45,133 --> 01:36:47,552
-Oh, no, no! Oh! Oh, no!
-Who is that?!
1610
01:36:47,719 --> 01:36:50,222
-Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
-Keep shooting!
1611
01:36:50,388 --> 01:36:51,556
Oh, no!
1612
01:36:51,723 --> 01:36:53,725
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more!
1613
01:36:55,769 --> 01:36:57,812
You're a hero! Thank you, sir!
1614
01:37:52,659 --> 01:37:54,369
That's the only way out!
1615
01:37:54,536 --> 01:37:56,913
Hey. I have an idea.
1616
01:37:57,455 --> 01:37:58,623
Follow me.
1617
01:38:13,972 --> 01:38:15,724
Is this Katy fucking Perry?!
1618
01:38:15,890 --> 01:38:17,726
Leave it on!
It's helping me concentrate!
1619
01:38:31,364 --> 01:38:34,367
-Oh, shit. Are those fucking nukes?!
-Let me check.
1620
01:38:37,912 --> 01:38:41,082
Oh, we really fucked up!
He's arming his fucking nukes!
1621
01:38:46,755 --> 01:38:47,797
Fuck!
1622
01:38:58,892 --> 01:39:00,810
Skylark!
1623
01:39:05,732 --> 01:39:08,026
Kim!
1624
01:39:08,193 --> 01:39:09,944
Fuck you!
1625
01:39:25,960 --> 01:39:27,587
I've been grazed!
1626
01:39:27,754 --> 01:39:29,339
-How's the puppy?
-Puppy is okay!
1627
01:39:29,506 --> 01:39:31,299
Protect that puppy with your life!
1628
01:39:42,310 --> 01:39:44,688
We gotta do something!
He's gonna kill us!
1629
01:39:44,854 --> 01:39:46,856
We're in a tank! Shoot him back!
1630
01:39:51,194 --> 01:39:54,823
-It's loaded!
-Let's barbecue this motherfucker!
1631
01:40:02,372 --> 01:40:03,790
On three!
1632
01:40:04,958 --> 01:40:06,251
Balls to the wall!
1633
01:40:07,919 --> 01:40:09,254
Boom, boom...
1634
01:40:12,090 --> 01:40:13,341
...boom!
1635
01:41:38,384 --> 01:41:39,886
Yes! Yes!
1636
01:41:41,930 --> 01:41:42,972
Yes!
1637
01:41:43,139 --> 01:41:44,474
Okay.
1638
01:41:44,641 --> 01:41:45,809
Okay.
1639
01:41:47,560 --> 01:41:50,230
That way. It's an old mining tunnel.
1640
01:41:50,396 --> 01:41:53,525
-Holy shit, where does that go?
-West. Away from Pyongyang.
1641
01:41:53,691 --> 01:41:57,070
Keep moving until you reach the coast.
I wish you both luck.
1642
01:41:57,237 --> 01:41:59,322
You sound like
you're not coming with us.
1643
01:41:59,489 --> 01:42:02,742
-I have to go to Pyongyang.
-Right back into the snake pit!
1644
01:42:02,909 --> 01:42:05,954
I can't leave North Korea.
I just helped plunge it into chaos!
1645
01:42:06,120 --> 01:42:07,664
So did we. I'm okay with leaving.
1646
01:42:07,831 --> 01:42:10,875
I have to ensure that the power does
not transfer to the wrong hands.
1647
01:42:11,042 --> 01:42:13,795
I can't deny that we have chemistry.
1648
01:42:14,504 --> 01:42:17,048
But I have to stay here for my people.
1649
01:42:18,591 --> 01:42:19,676
Okay.
1650
01:42:20,927 --> 01:42:22,095
I'm glad to meet you.
1651
01:42:22,262 --> 01:42:23,388
Okay.
1652
01:42:24,722 --> 01:42:26,391
Kiss her.
1653
01:42:27,642 --> 01:42:29,185
Kiss her, dude.
1654
01:42:29,811 --> 01:42:30,895
Yeah, get in there.
1655
01:42:33,439 --> 01:42:34,566
Nice.
1656
01:42:40,905 --> 01:42:42,949
I'm happy to have met you, Aaron.
1657
01:42:44,033 --> 01:42:45,118
Me too.
1658
01:42:46,953 --> 01:42:47,996
Bye, Sook!
1659
01:42:48,788 --> 01:42:50,582
Have fun with the war.
1660
01:43:12,228 --> 01:43:14,022
-All right, it's clear.
-Okay.
1661
01:43:16,733 --> 01:43:17,817
Okay, here you go.
1662
01:43:18,818 --> 01:43:20,653
-You got him?
-Yeah.
1663
01:43:20,820 --> 01:43:22,947
You out of that big ol' scary hole?
1664
01:43:26,284 --> 01:43:28,703
-Where are we?
-I don't know.
1665
01:43:28,870 --> 01:43:29,954
Is this China?
1666
01:43:30,121 --> 01:43:32,790
-I don't know. Looks like North Korea.
-Yeah.
1667
01:43:33,750 --> 01:43:35,293
-Man.
-Which way's the coast?
1668
01:43:35,460 --> 01:43:37,921
I have no idea.
Does that do something?
1669
01:43:38,087 --> 01:43:40,340
-Dogs always run to the sea.
-Not true.
1670
01:43:40,506 --> 01:43:43,176
-You gotta find the sea.
-That's not gonna happen.
1671
01:43:43,343 --> 01:43:44,802
Shit.
1672
01:43:44,969 --> 01:43:47,597
-Shit, shit, shit!
-Protect the puppy!
1673
01:43:47,764 --> 01:43:49,474
Stop! It's them!
1674
01:43:51,893 --> 01:43:53,895
Echo Romeo Five, Echo Romeo Five.
1675
01:43:54,062 --> 01:43:56,648
We have contact
with Dung Beetle and Aardvark.
1676
01:43:56,814 --> 01:43:58,066
Aaron, Dave.
1677
01:43:58,232 --> 01:44:00,985
-I'm Captain Sung, SEAL Team 6.
-Holy shit.
1678
01:44:01,152 --> 01:44:02,320
How'd you find us?
1679
01:44:02,487 --> 01:44:05,907
The GPS on your wristwatch.
Let's get you boys home.
1680
01:44:06,074 --> 01:44:08,368
-Oh, my God!
-For you.
1681
01:44:08,534 --> 01:44:11,162
-For me?
-Is it the president?
1682
01:44:11,746 --> 01:44:14,958
-Mr. Obama?
-Nope, just me. Agent Lacey.
1683
01:44:15,124 --> 01:44:17,835
Agent Lacey.
Fancy hearing from you here.
1684
01:44:18,419 --> 01:44:20,380
I enjoyed your interview, guys.
1685
01:44:20,546 --> 01:44:23,716
Now, try not to fuck up your extraction.
1686
01:44:23,883 --> 01:44:25,009
Get home safe.
1687
01:44:25,176 --> 01:44:28,471
Guess who's going to America
where they don't eat doggies?
1688
01:44:28,638 --> 01:44:32,100
-And you get all the good stuff.
-Let's just go. Can we please go?
1689
01:44:43,778 --> 01:44:44,821
Get them in.
1690
01:45:12,015 --> 01:45:13,599
She honeypotted me.
1691
01:45:13,766 --> 01:45:16,144
-What? What are you talking about?
-Sook.
1692
01:45:16,310 --> 01:45:20,189
Think about it, man. I mean,
she researched me, she seduced me...
1693
01:45:20,773 --> 01:45:24,318
...she commandeered my plans,
made them her own. She used me.
1694
01:45:24,485 --> 01:45:28,364
I'll admit it was for, like,
a really good fucking cause...
1695
01:45:28,531 --> 01:45:29,907
...but she honeypotted me.
1696
01:45:30,450 --> 01:45:33,911
Yeah. Well, good riddance.
I hated that fucking bitch.
1697
01:45:34,078 --> 01:45:35,079
Really?
1698
01:45:36,330 --> 01:45:39,500
No. Just thought
it'd make you feel better.
1699
01:45:39,667 --> 01:45:41,544
That was your one true love.
1700
01:45:41,711 --> 01:45:43,546
Now she's gone.
1701
01:45:43,713 --> 01:45:46,132
Doesn't make me feel any better.
1702
01:45:47,508 --> 01:45:49,218
Well, you have us.
1703
01:45:49,385 --> 01:45:51,054
And we love you!
1704
01:45:55,141 --> 01:45:57,060
We all love each other!
1705
01:46:06,402 --> 01:46:10,907
"And as the North Korean coastline
receded in the distance...
1706
01:46:11,074 --> 01:46:13,576
...we heard the crackle of gunfire.
1707
01:46:14,702 --> 01:46:17,246
It was the beginning of a revolution.
1708
01:46:17,789 --> 01:46:22,043
A revolution Aaron and I had started.
1709
01:46:22,210 --> 01:46:25,213
-Of course, in a tale like this...
-Malcolm.
1710
01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:27,632
...you might expect to find some...
1711
01:46:28,508 --> 01:46:33,763
...hot CIA honeypot bombshell."
1712
01:46:41,312 --> 01:46:43,564
"Maybe a few drones...
1713
01:46:44,107 --> 01:46:46,818
...or a secret CIA watch."
1714
01:46:46,984 --> 01:46:48,903
-You got Skype.
-So good to see you.
1715
01:46:49,070 --> 01:46:50,988
Wait, someone else wants to say hi.
1716
01:46:52,406 --> 01:46:54,784
Guess what we named him?
Kim Jong-un!
1717
01:46:54,951 --> 01:46:56,577
That's a little fucked up, no?
1718
01:46:56,744 --> 01:46:58,871
It's super fucked up.
But he's cute.
1719
01:46:59,038 --> 01:47:00,873
"But there was none of that.
1720
01:47:01,415 --> 01:47:02,625
No.
1721
01:47:02,792 --> 01:47:04,836
This was a revolution...
1722
01:47:05,002 --> 01:47:09,257
...ignited with nothing more
than a camera...
1723
01:47:09,423 --> 01:47:11,008
...and some questions.
1724
01:47:11,509 --> 01:47:13,886
Questions that led a man...
1725
01:47:14,053 --> 01:47:15,471
...once revered as a god...
1726
01:47:15,638 --> 01:47:17,431
...among mortals...
1727
01:47:17,598 --> 01:47:21,602
...to cry and shit his pants."
1728
01:47:22,395 --> 01:47:23,729
The end.
1729
01:47:24,730 --> 01:47:25,857
Thank you.
124783
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