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LET'S WASH OUR BRAINS: ROGOPA G

Four stories by four authors who limit themselves

to recounting the joyous beginning of the end of the world.

VIRGINITY

Man today is frequently oppressed

by an indefinable anxiety,

and in his daily suffering,

the unconscious suggests a refuge which could protect and nurture him:

the maternal bosom.

For this man, unable to rely even upon himself,

love, too, becomes a sad search

for a protective womb.

It's time to begin our descent.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we'll be landing soon at Bangkok Don Muang airport.

Look at the pagoda, Margherita. How amazing!

I want to come back tomorrow and take a picture.

There's plenty of time.

We'll be here for two months, going back and forth between Sydney and Tokyo.

...in every street

Just a minute.

I'm coming. I'll be right there.

Yes?

- Oh, it's you. - Aren't you ready yet?

I'm taking a walk around the city with Caputo and Fambri. Are you coming?

No, thanks, I'd rather stay here. I need to write to my fiancé.

Write later, let's go for a walk before it gets dark.

No, like I said, I'd rather stay here. Thanks.

- I'm used to it now. - As you wish.

Listen, could you do me a favour?

Before you go, could you film a little bit?

- How do you do it? - Look, it's easy. Just look through this.

I'll go over there and you press this button.

I understand.

- Do you see me? - Yes.

Start now.

- Is that enough? - No, shoot a bit more.

OK, that's fine.

Thanks!

I film everything I see, everything I do, who I'm with.

- Go over by the window. - No.

- Come on! - Why?

I want to see how it comes out. Wait.

I film who I meet, all my friends.

Hold it for a minute. This way he can see what I'm doing.

Even when we're apart, you see?

You're even sending him the piece I filmed?

Of course.

- And him? - He writes almost every day.

And he doesn't visit?

Of course he does. Do you want to see him?

Come here.

There he is.

Do you see him?

Don't you think you should make him lose some weight?

Why, you think he's fat?

I like him the way he is. I think he's gorgeous.

He's not bad, a little chunky.

- Let me see what he's saying. - No, I don't want to. I don't want to.

- Do you tell him everything? - Yes, everything.

- And what does he do for a living? - He's a lawyer.

His father's a magistrate.

He's at odds with his dad because he chose to work in the private sector.

- Where's he from, the south? - Yes, Calabria.

This must be Caputo and Fambri. Tell them I'm coming.

Alitalia announces the departure

of flight 780 for Tokyo.

Passengers are asked to board from Gate 6.

Ladies and gentlemen, as we've already said,

we'll be flying at an altitude of 9800 metres.

The cabin pressure will be 1000 metres.

In the event of a drop in cabin pressure

this compartment in front of you will automatically open.

You need to pull firmly on the oxygen mask...

This will stay attached...

Bring the oxygen mask to your face and breathe normally.

Smoking is not allowed during this process.

Thank you.

No, thanks.

- Would you like something else? - No, no.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

Signorina, I'm a little thirsty.

- What would you like to drink? - What do you have?

- Whisky, brandy? - No, I don't think so.

Something lighter?

Yes, that would be good.

Orange juice? Pineapple juice?

No, I know what I want. A beer.

- A Rheingold. - OK, a beer.

A beer.

- What's this? - A beer.

Oh, no. I asked for Rheingold.

- You've heard of Rheingold, right? - Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I'll go check now.

The passenger in the back doesn't want this beer, he wants a Rheingold.

- Do we have it? - No, we don't have it.

- I'll let him know. - OK, thanks.

I'm sorry, but we don't carry Rheingold beer.

Here's a list of the brands we do have so you can choose what you want.

OK, give me a double Whisky, no ice, and a little still water.

Yes, sir.

- Seat belts. - Check.

- Are we landing already? - No, there's just some wind.

It's strange that a girl like you isn't familiar with Rheingold beer.

I only drink water.

You're the type of girl who should know Rheingold beer.

- Why is that? - I'll tell you.

Every year in the US Rheingold has a competition

to find the perfect girl that every young guy would want to marry

and every man would want to have.

She must represent today's heroine.

She needs to ski, swim, and ride horses.

The kind of girl you want to be seen out with,

and one you want to be at home with too.

- Follow me? - Yes.

She doesn't have to be sophisticated in the kitchen,

but she needs to be able to cook hamburgers and sausage.

She should know how to drive, and also help her boyfriend wash the car.

- Interesting. - Someone like you.

You'd be the ideal girl for Rheingold.

But I don't know how to wash the car.

- Would you like some champagne? - Oh, yes. Good.

I need a little pick-me-up. You know why?

Why?

This Asian philosophy is driving me crazy.

I'm working very hard, traveling here and there

trying to convince these people to get TV established. I deal with the sales.

They need to raise the level of culture of millions of people here.

They're very underdeveloped.

TV could be very helpful.

But they're very backwards and only want traditional things.

I don't understand them.

- Do you know our shows? - Oh, yes.

Which shows are your favourites?

I can't remember, I'm at work a lot.

Have you ever seen The Perry Como Show?

I Love Lucy? Perry Mason? They're great.

Oh, yes, very nice. They're all great. Excuse me.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've landed at the Dom Muang Airport in Bangkok.

Please remain seated while the plane is still moving. Thank you.

I'm going to bed. Good night.

Wait, we're coming, too.

I'm crazy.

A total idiot.

A cursed idiot.

"You must bait the hook to lure fish."

The six fundamental rules:

"Show interest in others."

I've never done this.

"Smile."

I've never smiled.

"Whether you're a man or a woman

the most pleasant-sounding name to hear is your own."

I didn't ask her name.

"To be a good listener, encourage people to talk about themselves."

I only talked about myself.

"Know how to interest the listener."

But she didn't understand what I was saying.

"Make others think they're important."

Did I do that? I thought so.

But it didn't have any effect.

Where have you taken us to now?

Don't you want to see the floating market?

- It's too hot, I can't take it anymore. - Move out of the way, let me finish.

Look at that stuff. What a stench!

Done.

Are you coming or not?

Listen, Annamaria, we're sick of it. We're leaving.

Ciao. Have a good lunch.

- Hello. Good day. - Ah, it's you.

I'm lucky. I was afraid I'd never see you again.

You look very proficient with that camera.

It's not that hard.

Maybe not for you, a Rheingold girl can do anything.

But I always get it wrong. Do you also take pictures out of focus?

No, but let me see your camera.

It's a nice camera.

The lenses are very clear. What kind of film do you use?

- It's the same that I use. - So what am I doing wrong?

I don't know.

Hold this. Let's see.

A-ha! Come with me. Look here.

- Like this? - Let me see.

No, that's wrong.

With this light you need at least an f/16 aperture.

Here, like this.

- Try again. - Good.

Let's see. Try taking a picture...

Over there. That giant over there.

Judge it by your eye. Set the focus on infinity.

Wait. OK, I'm ready.

By the way, what's your name?

- Annamaria Sivieri. - "Annamaria." That's a beautiful name.

I'm running late. I've got to go. Goodbye.

- Are you staying at a hotel? - Yes.

- Which one? - The Herehuang.

I can't believe it! I'm also staying there. I'll accompany you.

No, thanks. My friends are waiting for me nearby.

Thanks, anyway. Goodbye.

- Annamaria? - Yes?

If you want to.

Listen, I have to go, I'm late. Goodbye.

- Good night. - What are you doing?

- Where are you going? - I'm going to bed.

- No, stay with me for a while. - But didn't you just order a beer?

It doesn't matter.

What do you want from me?

- All women are the same, Marianna. - You've just realised that now?

My name's Annamaria, by the way!

- Good night. - No, please.

Please!

What are you doing?

Maybe I drank too much. Will you forgive me?

Yes, but let me go now!

First you need to tell me you forgive me.

Fine, I forgive you.

If you forgive me, why are you leaving?

Because I'm tired, I'm sleepy and I want to go to bed. Good night!

Then leave me your scarf.

Keep it!

Anna!

I'll tell you. Don't you see that I love you?

You don't know what you're saying. Please. Leave me alone. Let me be.

I drank too much because I fell in love with you. Maria!

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone! Please, leave me alone. Let me be!

Up, come on. Try to get up.

Calm down. Come on.

Don't do this.

And be quiet, otherwise you'll wake everyone.

Up, come on. Try to get up.

Like this, good.

I'll help you. Like this.

You need to wash your face.

Here, good. Be good.

Like that, good.

Be good.

Like this. Come on.

Come on. Let's take off your jacket.

Good, like that.

Good, let me do it.

- Anna, you must forgive me. - Yes, yes, please.

But stay calm. You've been good. I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm going to bed. We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Be good. Go.

- Maria. - What are you doing?

Come on, get up. Try to get up.

You need to help me. I need your help.

- I feel awful. You need to help me. - Yes, OK.

Don't make such a noise, we'll wake everyone up.

OK, I'll help you, but calm down.

- Here you go. - Anna.

Anna.

- How do you feel? Better? - Much better.

Good. Relax.

I'll stay here, you try to sleep.

Try to rest a little.

I won't leave. I'm staying here.

Look at this. Look at this loser! Look!

What are you doing, idiot! Let me watch it in peace.

- I can't help it. - Leave, then. Leave me in peace.

Hurry up and leave.

Bastard! Cuckold.

I'm done.

How do you stop this thing? Carlo?

It's finished, Carlo. Carlo.

- Here I am. - Can you stop it?

I think I have another bit of film.

- Do you want to see it? - No, this is plenty.

I knew immediately that that American was a psychopath.

Where I come from, he's called a sleazebag.

Nothing serious. There are lots of types of psychopaths.

- When I read that this Joe... - Cuckold!

- Don't be disheartened. - I said it about him.

- In this case, I would say that... - Go on.

When I read that this Joe confused the names, that caught my attention,

because mixing up the names is a small but precise detail.

And then there's the story of the scarf.

It's typical of a fetishist.

Then there's his behaviour, his expression, his shoulders,

one a little lower, the other a little higher. The way he walks.

The Rheingold girl, the weeping, the tears,

the violence. In short, the diagnosis is exact.

He's a psychopath suffering from an Oedipus complex.

So he's a sex maniac!

Yes, but in this case instead of just watching films

he jumps on the real thing.

- And maybe even now. - Now we know.

He'll get drunk, he'll lament, he'll regret it.

- Even he has his own style. - And he could even kiss her.

Or strangle her.

Of course, America and England are full of sex maniacs and stranglers.

- Full, no. There's still a little space left. - So?

Now she just has to turn to her friends, the crew,

and have them protect and accompany her.

- Or... - Come on! She'd never do it!

I'd like to see her try.

Don't you know how shy she is? I hope so, at least. What should I do?

That's your problem. Or maybe there's another solution.

- Is it moral? - Of course it's moral.

Calm down. Listen to me.

That American fell in love with Annamaria

for her timidness, her reserve, purity, honesty,

her maternal aspect.

Naturally her job as a hostess played a part.

Kindness, a protective safeness.

Could we denounce this to the Embassy?

Maybe even to the UN. You're a psychopath.

- I'm a man. - Listen to me.

If Annamaria was to change. Listen to me closely.

If she changed her hair style, and also the colour.

If she wore tight-fitting clothing,

in order to show her waistline. You get it?

To let people see what a figure she's got? Never!

She has to obey you even if it irritates her.

- Irritated! - That poor girl, I pity her.

She's the victim of her reservedness, her purity.

- Especially with you. - So?

Well, if she loses that purity,

- maternalness... - I'd leave her!

...our strangler will take fright, and will run off.

So he's in love with Annamaria because she's respectable?

Of course! Just like you do. That's precisely it.

Annamaria! What have you done?

- Let us see you! - What happened to you?

Nothing.

I was tired of always having the same look, that's all.

Trust me, you look better like this!

You were always beautiful, but like this you look great.

Why are you being so modest?

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

She must have gone crazy.

God only knows what'll happen when her Calabrian fiancé sees her like this.

How are you?

Can I have a cigarette?

It's really hot today, isn't it?

Do you want to get something to drink?

Do you want to dance?

- What did you do? - I'll tell you later.

Please, get close.

If only you knew how embarrassed I am.

Look at her!

Anna.

Annamaria!

Amore!

Amore.

END OF THE FIRST STORY

THE NEW WORLD

This story describes the absurd and unforeseeable consequences

of an atomic future that may have already begun.

These are the effects that could hit us without anyone even being aware of it.

Terrible explosions could insidiously transform men

and at any moment we too may be contaminated.

It will be the small, slight changes that inevitably destroy us.

The city hadn't changed,

but Alessandra had...

though I wasn't aware of it at the time.

It had been a frightening year,

or rather, a year of emotions that were even more intense than fear,

ones for which there is no name on Earth.

Reports were confirmed of omens and unusual occurrences taking place

everywhere on land and sea.

Thinking about it, the city had indeed changed.

I just hadn't realised it yet.

Of course, it took me time to realise that the city had changed.

I think it's better to relate things in order, simply and logically.

If, after everything, simplicity and logic still mean something.

I deeply loved Alessandra.

I'd met her by chance a few months before.

And my passion, from our first meeting, had become fatal.

In spite of her sweet personality,

Alessandra held out for a long time.

Finally, one night, I think it was the end of November,

a freezing, glacial wind had hit the city...

One night, in a low voice

Alessandra confessed she was in love with me.

For many days I hadn't been able to sleep.

That night I fell into such a deep sleep

that I slept for two days.

ATOMIC SUPER-EXPLOSION 120,000 METRES ABOVE PARIS

Once I'd bought the newspaper and read the horrible news,

I called Alessandra in a panic.

But everything seemed to be OK. She was calm

and we decided to meet up in 15 minutes.

I waited the whole morning for her.

And when I called her again,

they said she'd gone to the pool.

Little by little I felt jealousy take hold.

In retrospect, I see now that that feeling prevented me from reasoning clearly,

the way I should have done from the start.

I should have understood

that all this was just a consequence of the end of the world.

Alessandra and I went home in silence.

Her manner was subdued as she made lunch.

She'd changed somehow.

But if Alessandra no longer loved me,

I just had to know the reason why before we went our separate ways.

Does it seem normal to you?

There's some Coca-Cola if you want it.

Aren't you going to tell me why you didn't meet me as we'd planned?

I didn't come?

- No, you didn't come. - Yes!

But really, Alessandra, what's going on?

I don't understand.

What's going on?

I'm the one asking you that!

Since I'm telling you I don't understand,

you could at least say something to me.

There's Coca-Cola if you want it.

Alessandra.

- Alessandra. - Yes?

You really don't want to tell me why you didn't meet me as planned?

I told you, because I went to the pool.

But you didn't tell me.

I didn't know.

What didn't you know? The meeting or the pool?

- What didn't I know? - That's what I'm saying!

Yes, you're saying it.

Stop it, Alessandra.

What's your problem? Are you crazy?

Come on, I didn't hurt you.

Yes, you did.

Alessandra.

Why don't you love me anymore?

I ex-love you.

Who was that guy at the pool?

The guy I hugged?

Yes.

I don't know, I've never seen him before.

Are you doing anything special tomorrow morning?

No, nothing.

Then, you're sleeping here?

Absolutely.

Why "absolutely"?

You mean "evidently".

"Evidently"?

What do you mean?

Clear, logical.

Logical? What do you mean?

And you...

Do you also have an ex-love for me?

Yes.

Alessandra was with me again, close and desirable.

After all, nothing else mattered to me.

So I decided to leave explanations for the next day.

So I got up early,

taking advantage of Alessandra's sleepiness,

to deal with some urgent business

before returning to lie by her side.

It was then that I realised the city had changed.

I still didn't understand exactly what had happened,

the damage the explosions had actually caused,

what had changed in Alessandra.

You could tell that something strange and incomprehensible

had affected the city, its streets, its cafes.

People were prey to a voiceless and mysterious hysteria.

They consumed large quantities of pills

which couldn't possibly be right.

It was clear that as the hours passed

an obscure and horrendous evil was slowly corrupting the human mind.

On the face of it, everything looked the same as always.

But the one that I loved had suddenly lost all sense of morality.

Or, worse yet,

that sense of freedom was lacking

which, only yesterday, every last man had possessed.

You're up already?

Absolutely.

- Why's that? Are you doing something? - Yes, I have to go out.

But last night you said...

NO DANGER AFTER ATOMIC SUPER- EXPLOSION, DECLARE EXPERTS

Where are you going?

To the pool?

No, not today.

Can we have lunch together?

OK.

What are you looking for?

My lipstick.

Will you come?

- I don't know. - But you just said yes!

Yes.

Why are you going out?

I'm seeing Elisabetta.

I don't believe you.

Call her up, you'll see.

Hello, Elisabetta?

Wait, let me pass you to Alessandra.

Hello.

To the opera?

Maybe. OK.

Hello. We're eating together afterwards.

What do you mean she's coming but she doesn't know if she's coming?

Goodbye.

Bye, see you soon!

Yes.

I ex-love you.

And now for some good news.

Everything leads us to hope that nothing has changed.

In our next bulletin we'll have information...

I know now that the new world has begun.

What was the miracle that had saved me?

I know at times it contaminates me too,

that horrendous mechanical way of thinking: the death of logic.

That's why I decided to write down these words in this school notebook.

Maybe in the years to come someone will read them with curiosity

as the last testimony of the world of freedom.

END OF THE SECOND STORY

For there is nothing hid which shall not be manifested;

neither was any thing kept secret, but that should come abroad.

If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.

From the Gospel according to St Mark.

...and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;

and said unto them that sold doves, "Take these things hence,

"make not my Father's house a house of merchandise."

From the Gospel according to St John.

It's not difficult to predict that this story of mine

will have biased, ambiguous, and shocked judgements.

In any case, I want to state here and now that however La ricotta is taken,

the story of the Passion, which La ricotta indirectly recalls,

is, for me, the greatest event that has ever happened

and the books that recount it the most sublime ever written.

Damn it.

Have you got a temperature?

Stracci, you're finished.

Yes, of course.

I slept outside last night. The waste collection woke me up.

So you're not eating today.

Not eating? Yeah, that's right.

Better hide your lunch, or I'll eat that, too.

What did you say?

That reminds me: the wife and kids are coming to eat today.

Who knows what saint will help me.

You've got your pick here today.

With all these saints, it's like a museum around here!

Why, what do these saints have?

Here's a tip: steal the lunch from the diva's dog.

Just look how it eats:

caviar, steak...

Saints, did you eat the whole Last Supper?

I'm a poor starving man.

Nothing left? You ate it all?

Shut up or I'll excommunicate you.

- The crown. - The crown!

Places, everyone! We're ready!

The record!

Not that one!

You're worse than the men who rolled dice at the foot of the cross!

Publicani! Blasphemers!

The Scarlatti record!

Camera!

2050. Take one.

Action!

Come on, prompter. Do your job.

O sorrowing spirit.

O bewildered mother's son.

O desperate mother's son.

O martyred son.

O chaste, rose-pink son.

O peerless son.

No, Valentina! Not that expression on your face.

This isn't the Comédie Française!

Action!

O sorrowing spirit.

O bewildered mother's son.

O desperate mother's son.

O martyred son.

Get the Negro out of there!

Sonia, remember you're at Christ's feet!

Stop thinking about your dog!

Camera!

2050. Take three.

Action.

Take it away, prompter!

O sorrowing spirit.

O bewildered mother's son.

O desperate mother's son.

O martyred son.

O chaste, rose-pink son.

- O... - Stop!

Half-wits! Now we'll have to start all over again!

Sonia, step out please. We've got to start again.

- Camera. - 2050, take four.

Action.

Amorosi, stop picking your nose and take your position!

O sorrowing spirit.

O bewildered mother's son.

O desperate mother's son.

O martyred son.

O chaste, rose-pink son.

The soup's ready, the soup's ready! Come and get it.

Giovanni, did you get some lunch?

Here it is.

Eat up.

- What about you? - Me?

I'm out of luck, as usual.

What can you do?

- Enjoy it. - Thanks, Giovanni.

See you tonight.

- Where are you going? - I've got business.

I'm gonna get work as an extra.

- Where are you going? - I've got business, too.

Finished it already?

That's some appetite!

I want to go to Terracina

And have lunch on the plain

I'll eat a cow and a sheep still in its wool

You look like my dad.

Idiot.

Here.

Hey, you bastard! That's my lunch!

Damn you!

Drop my lunch or I'll throttle you, you dirty thief!

Bastard!

Think that was a nice thing to do?

Think you're better than me because you belong to a billionaire?

May I have a word?

Excuse me. I hope I'm not disturbing.

I'm a journalist.

Go on.

I'd like a quick interview with you.

- No more than four questions. - Thanks.

First question, what is this new project trying to express?

My intimate, profound, traditional Catholicism.

Traditional Catholicism.

What do you think of Italian society?

The most illiterate masses

and the most ignorant bourgeoisie in Europe.

And what do you think of death?

As a Marxist, I never give it any thought.

Fourth and final question...

What do you think of our great director Federico Fellini?

He dances.

He dances.

Thank you, congratulations and goodbye.

"I am a force from the past..."

It's a poem.

In the first part, the poet describes certain ancient ruins

whose style and history no one understands anymore,

and certain hideous modern buildings

that everyone, instead, understands.

Then he resumes:

"I am a force from the past.

"Tradition is my only love.

"I come from the ruins, churches,

"altarpieces, forgotten hamlets

"in the Apennines and the foothills of the Alps

"where our brothers dwelled.

"I walk the Tuscolana Way like a madman,

"the Appian Way like a dog without a master.

"I behold the twilight, the mornings over Rome,

"over Ciociaria,

"over the world,

"like the first acts of post-history,

"which I witness by privilege of birth

"from the furthest edge of some buried age.

"Monstrous is the man born

"from the bowels of a dead woman.

"And I,

"adult foetus,

"wander, more modern than any modern,

"in search of brothers

"who are no more."

Did you understand anything?

Sure, a lot.

You walk the Tuscolana Way...

Write down what I tell you.

You understood nothing because you're an average man, right?

Well, yeah.

But do you know what an average man is?

He's a monster.

A dangerous criminal.

Conformist,

colonialist,

racist,

slave trader,

political cynic!

Have you got a bad heart?

No, thank God.

Too bad, because if you were to drop dead right here,

it'd be good publicity for the film's release.

You don't exist anyway.

Capital acknowledges the existence of labour

only insofar as it serves production.

And the producer of my film is the owner of your paper as well.

Goodbye.

DIRECTOR

- Why are you picking flowers? - There's nothing else to do.

Nothing else to do.

- And what are you waiting for? - That's our business.

Their business.

What a nice dog. What kind is it?

What breed is it? It looks like a Pomeranian?

He's adorable.

- What's his name? - He's called "Bastard".

He's so sweet. If he could just talk, he'd be perfect.

- You like him? - A lot!

- Want to make a deal? - What kind of deal?

I'll sell him to you.

I don't have much on me. Will you take a cheque?

Give me 1000 lira and we'll call it even.

I've got 1000 lira. Here.

Ricotta man, I'll buy whatever you've got left.

The Good Thief!

The Good Thief!

- Nail them up. - Nail them up!

Here I am.

Come on, slaves. Nail me up.

Don't worry, I'll nail you up properly.

Oh, I've eaten too much. My stomach's about to explode.

I look pregnant.

- Did you eat, Stracci? - What kind of question is that?

Here, Stracci, have a bite.

Are you thirsty? Want a drink?

Natalina!

Come here a minute.

What do you want?

Don't make a fuss. Come here.

Listen, do us a favour.

Do a striptease for us. See Stracci over there?

- You have to do it in front of him. - No.

What have you got to lose?

- We'll pay you. Come on. - I said no!

Give us a tune.

Play some of that Arab music.

- What are you waiting for? - No.

- Start stripping. - No.

Do it.

Silence!

- Get a move on! - Silence.

Musician, don't swallow your instrument!

Silence.

- Begone, she-devil! - Flower of the orient!

Ali Baba's mistress!

- Look at you go! - Again! Do it again!

Carry the crosses up...

Get a move on with those crosses! You're like slugs this morning!

We ought to have a whip!

Hurry! Come on, hurry!

Start the record, please.

Come with me.

Ettore, you're quite an angel! What are you doing?

- I can try, can't I? - Try spreading your wings.

She's the one who should have done the striptease.

What scene are you setting up?

Listen, darling, you shoot my scene or I take off. Fair is fair.

Right. I'd forgotten.

- Do the other scene. - Do the other scene.

Easy, my back hurts.

Leave them nailed down.

Leave them nailed down!

Take it easy.

I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'll start swearing.

Just try it and I'll give you what for.

A fine Christ you are. Haven't I got a right to grumble?

Suit yourself, but I won't take you into the Kingdom of Heaven.

I'd settle for the Kingdom of Earth.

Especially now that your party's in power.

As if yours is any better? They're all the same.

I don't get you.

You're always hungry, yet you stay with those who starve you.

Some have one calling, others another.

My calling must have been to starve.

Places, please. We've no time to lose.

Get the seamstress out of there!

Put the record on.

No, not that one, you heathens!

Remember, the director wants you to keep perfectly still.

- Camera. - 442, take one.

Action.

Maria! Maria!

No, not like that.

Do it again. More rapture, more piety.

Maria! Maria!

No, I told you to keep still.

Stop waving those arms around.

Stop!

You're a figure on an altarpiece. Got it? Stay still!

Maria! Ma...

- Stop! - Such a shame! Such a shame!

I'll bash your heads in, you lazy cowards!

You have no respect, you blasphemers!

Yes, ma'am.

Let's start again.

Camera.

Imploring, you hear? And keep still!

- 442, take two. - Action!

Maria! Maria!

There goes the sun.

Farewell, Phoebus.

- Unnail them. - Unnail them!

How funny!

It's "The Stracci Show"!

Give him something good to eat!

Suck on these!

Watch out for the little chicks!

You eat like a gorilla!

Here, rinse your mouth out.

Cut it open, it's ripe!

That's enough appetizers. Have some spaghetti.

Hurry up, Stracci!

He eats like a pig!

The lightning and thunder! Quick, you idiot!

Let's have some thunder, now!

Now the wind!

You've finally found us in this wasteland!

Welcome!

- Congratulations! - Thanks.

Commendatore.

Hey, Stracci, you remember your line?

Don't mess it up now! All the press from Rome is here!

The producer's here! Do you understand?

Politicians, actors and actresses, journalists...

Come on. Let's hear your line.

"Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom."

Once again!

Come on! What are you waiting for?

"Lord, remember me

"when thou comest into thy kingdom."

Quiet.

Quiet! We're shooting!

Camera.

2050, take one.

Action.

Action.

Come on, Stracci. "Lord, remember me..."

Action!

Action!

What's the matter with him?

He's dead.

Poor Stracci.

He had to die to remind us that he too was alive.

END OF THE THIRD STORY

FREE-RANGE CHICKEN

Like a nail planted solidly under the joints of a stone,

this is how sin enters secretly

into sales and acquisitions.

...and the reason why the secretary

of the Second Symposium of Multinational Research

selected Professor Giulio Carlo Pizzorno to give the opening talk...

- Excuse me, is the convention here? - Yes.

...although having resided for many years in the United States

where he expressed the social-economic development

at the root of the majority of his research,

he never ignored our situation.

In fact, all these years he has followed

our country's economic development with meticulous attention.

Graduated from Harvard

and guest professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Professor Pizzorno is one of the most distinguished

of Professor Allen's collaborators.

He intends to open a centre for Applied Sociology in Italy

for advertising and marketing firms.

The topic of his discussion is

"Development of production and increase in consumption".

New perspectives offered through an awareness of

the secret ego of the consumer.

It's also worth noting that the professor accepted our invitation

even though he's suffering from a temporary affliction to his vocal cords

which makes it hard for him to talk.

I'd like to hand over to Professor Pizzorno.

Who's the average consumer?

It's the Italian who gained from the economic miracle,

who in just a few years doubled his income

and overcame the psychological need to save.

Encouraged by obvious incentives - such as peer pressure, advertisements,

and the general ease of buying things -

the average consumer is an incalculable source

who allows production to maintain the levels already met

and greatly surpass them,

provided that he's constantly controlled, monitored,

spied on, prompted, pushed.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

Twenty.

Twenty-one.

Twenty-two.

Twenty-three.

And twenty-four.

I trust you.

Don't worry, sir. It's one of the most successful models out this year.

Got me!

Today who are you? Sheppard? Nembo Kid?

- Let me guess, the Masked Man? - No.

- Buffalo Bill? - Who's that?

- Fine, I give up. - I'm Pasolini!

Good. Hi.

- There it is. It's magnificent! - It doesn't work.

- What do you mean it doesn't work? - How should I know? There's just audio.

I told you not to touch it.

Have you tried using the controls from a distance?

It doesn't work.

Enough.

Will you stop that please, Ricky?

- Yes. - Thank you.

See that? See how amazing it is?

Let's watch the ad on the new TV and then go to bed. Understood?

Put it away.

Amazing! Amazing!

Toast. How much did they say it's worth?

30,000 lire.

What? But it's almost brand-new!

It's obsolete! We're lucky they let us trade our old one in.

Topo Gigio! Topo Gigio!

- Topo Gigio! - Good evening, Topo Gigio!

Mamma, it's so very cold

in this quaint little house.

- I can't sleep. - Did you see, it's just like ours!

I told you not to buy such a large house.

There's too much space between me and the walls.

I'm leaving. I'm evicting myself.

Make way!

Topo Gigio hurt himself.

What a fall.

No, look, he's got back up.

Here we go. This house is just the right size.

It's small, but cosy.

- Put me down. - No, Topo Gigio.

- You can't have that house. - Why's that?

Because no one's bought it for you yet!

The new Supertelevision 24.

Compact, super thin.

So you'll have to be happy with the Supertelevision 33,

panoramic and huge.

Poor Topo Gigio.

Poor thing. Look what they did to him!

I want a house for the country!

Kids, please, help me.

I want a little house.

- Poor thing. - Dad, look what they did to Topo Gigio.

Don't pay any attention to him. He's a nitwit!

The "psychological ageing" of the product

is perhaps the main ally of our industry

in a time when current trends demonstrate

that a large sector of consumers risk total saturation.

Undervaluing this risk would mean turning a blind eye

to the number one problem of the industry,

which is avoiding, at all costs, a drop in production.

These gentlemen,

must therefore study new advertising campaigns

which create new desires, new needs,

and to provoke a type of "systematic dissatisfaction" in consumers.

Persil said to Daz,

"Should I sing to my girlfriend, Ariel?"

What was that?

"Nescafé!" said Oxo. Disprin?

If I were cold, would you give me Bold?

Palmolive!

I don't want Cadbury eggs

because they are too sweet and don't come from Dairylea.

That's enough, Antonella.

Be good, we're trying to listen to the noise.

Be quiet.

There it is!

Good job.

Look at that, bloody idiots!

They could have killed someone.

I hope they have an accident driving like that.

- Maybe not death, but... - A car crash.

An accident, damn them.

Oh, look. That's the car you go on about: the 1800.

How much is this worth?

300,000 lire max.

So then, with this plus another million lire?

We still couldn't afford it. The 1800 is worth 1,700,000 lire.

- 1,830,000 lire on the road. - Even better.

And wasn't the million lire for the down-payment on the land?

What are you doing? Why don't you overtake him, slowcoach!

Do you think that land is worth it?

It's always worth having a look. After lunch. Who's going to stop us?

Move it!

Unbelievable. You buy that car and then drive at a snail's pace.

I'll show him how to drive!

He's not even signalling.

- Hooligan. Idiot! - Bastard! Dirty crook!

Unbelievable.

Old git!

The typical fool who can't drive.

You should be in a nursing home!

Old git!

He only overtakes when there's a string of cars behind him.

What's he want?

Can't he see it's impossible to overtake?

Why is he trying to get in front of me?

Stay there.

He's right next to you. Let him pass or we'll have an accident.

- I've been trying to pass for half an hour! - What do you want? Pass.

Go on and pass.

- Oh, God! - Madonna!

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

Don't look.

It's over.

And the kids?

See if they saw anything. Come on, check on the kids.

Are you guys OK?

They're fine. He must have been young.

Your typical cyclist, just asking for death. He's a goner.

I wouldn't have had the courage to pick him up.

But you have to. Failure to offer assistance...

- Besides, blood stains don't come out. - Not on plastic seats.

All you need is some water and a little starch.

That guy there had a Mercedes.

Fabric seats. It'll be expensive, that's for sure.

If it wasn't the driver's fault, they'll compensate him.

- They don't have to. - Why not?

It's a voluntary act. The dead guy could even...

I mean, the injured person could say, "I didn't ask you to do this."

- Mamma. Mamma. - You're kidding?

A stupid thing can cause a lot of problems.

Mamma, I have to go pee.

At last we're at the motorway. Thank goodness.

Ricky!

Ricky!

Come here!

Ricky.

Let's go.

Come on.

- Who are you today? Nembo Kid? - Superman!

He was Dracula earlier.

- Do you think our son's crazy? - Oh, please.

- Here's the restaurant entrance. - I hope there's a table.

- Are you hungry, Ricky? - Yes, I'm hungry.

Come on, there's a free table.

Excuse me, signorina, is that table free?

- No, sir, you can't come in this way, sir. - What do you mean we can't come in?

- The door's here. - You have to enter on the other side, sir.

- You have to go around. - But that table's free!

- You can't, sir. - Why not?

It's not allowed. Don't you see the signs?

- What signs? - You know what this means, sir.

- I don't care about the sign! - You can't, sir.

Go to hell.

Come on.

- Let's go, Ricky. - Come on.

Let's hope you can enter here.

They're crazy.

I'd like to know where the man who built this place went to college!

You've got to walk round the whole building just to get in here. It's ridiculous.

- What's going on? What's the matter? - Look, how pretty!

- What are you doing there? - I can't take it away from her.

Come on. Let's not make a scene in public. Just take it, end of discussion.

I want something, too, not just Antonella.

OK, take something but hurry up.

Let's go, we'll do them all.

Let's take this, too.

And this because it has almonds.

Oh, look, a rifle!

What do you think? Maybe I'll get one for me too, eh?

These are perfect for the car. Get something for yourself, too.

What?

Ah, this. What is it?

It looks like a bread basket. Or maybe a fruit tray.

- How nice, let's take it. - Or an instrument.

Do you have to take the dog, too?

It has been found that the absence of a physical person as intermediary,

that is, the salesman,

eliminates the necessity of making a preventive choice,

creating in the consumer

a sensation of freedom and emotive happiness,

which allows the impulses of the subconscious

to bloom without inhibitions,

and to translate this into acquisitions

that are mostly superfluous or even useless

until one regains consciousness at the moment of truth...

at the cash register.

But at that point, it is too late.

Fourteen thousand eight hundred.

- How much? - Fourteen thousand eight hundred.

You haven't finished yet?

Hold on a minute. It says 15,000 lire for biscuits here.

Thank you.

Don't just sit there, give me a hand.

And what should I do with the children?

Oh, Antonella! Look, you're all covered in butter!

Dear me! Look!

Up, let's go. Let's wash our hands.

Don't touch me, you'll get me dirty.

Where should I put this stuff?

How disgusting.

- Have you decided, sir? - Decided? I've just picked up the menu.

And I don't understand a thing on it.

We have two combinations, sir.

Number one: prosciutto and melon or cream of asparagus, roasted chicken,

a glass of wine, bread, fruit and crème caramel.

Number two: ravioli with ragu, two fried eggs,

a glass of wine, bread, fruit, crème caramel.

- Battery or free-range chicken? - Battery, sir.

If you don't mind, sir, I'll serve other clients while you decide.

- Dad, what's a free-range chicken? - Hmm?

What's a free-range chicken?

I'll explain it to you.

A free-range chicken is a free chicken that lives in the country...

A little unorganised, without any rules.

It eats when it can, sleeps when it wants...

There are just a few of these left.

Not the battery chicken, on the other hand. It's a chicken that stays on its farm,

eats at set times, grows a bit every day...

And why do you prefer a free-range chicken?

Well, it has more flavour.

Maybe because it eats with more appetite,

it eats when it wants and how it wants. Even crap, if it finds it on the ground.

Yes, if one day it doesn't want to eat, then it doesn't eat.

The next day, instead, it'll eat a lot and stuff itself.

It's an impatient chicken, it runs, escapes, goes away,

joins the hens, pecks around a bit,

then flies away.

Like a coyote?

- Eh? - Like a coyote?

Oh, yes, like a coyote.

Anyway, it's this free will, let's call it,

that probably makes it more tasty.

Battery chicken, on the other hand, no.

The battery chicken, from when he's very tiny, a small chick,

is put in its cage and gets accustomed to discipline.

So he can't decide anything anymore.

He can only do what the others tell him to do.

Red light, wake up. Green light, eat.

Bell, stop. Red light, sleep.

Green light, wake up again. That's the way it is, right?

But its food is assured and it's fattened up scientifically.

What works is its subconscious.

You're not following me, are you? Well, in short, it cannot decide anything,

and maybe for this reason it is less tasty. Because...

Have you decided, sir?

Yes, I'll take the second combination. Bring me an egg, a fried egg.

Two fried eggs, sir.

No, look, I'll only eat one, so just bring me one, please.

I'm sorry, sir, but the combination includes two eggs

and we cannot possibly change it.

Fine, I'll pay for both, but you can just bring me one.

I'm sorry, sir, but I have to bring you two.

Fine, bring me two and I'll throw one under the table.

You can do what you want with it, sir.

Good grief, she's so obnoxious!

Come on, Antonella. Up in my arms.

- Let's try to go a little further ahead. - No, it's supposed to be right here.

I doubt there's another "Lombardy Switzerland" in these parts.

LOMBARDY SWITZERLAND

HIGH CLASS RESIDENTIAL CENTRE

LAST LOTS FOR SALE FLEXIBLE PAYMENT FACILITY

- Naples! Naples! - Where?

There.

- And where's the lake? - It'll be behind the mountain.

Come on, let's ask.

Excuse me, is this where the plots on the lake are?

Belonging to a certain Mr Cotto?

Can we look at it?

God, what an ugly face. He can't possibly be the owner?

No. Can't you see? He's the guardian.

Classic face of an internal immigrant.

Good day. Mr Cotto?

Perhaps that's his car, but where is he?

Do we have to look for him ourselves?

- This one here won't help sale figures. - That's for sure.

It's probably better to leave the children here.

Listen, is there any danger at all for the children?

He made a signal for "no".

Stay here, Antonella. Be good, OK? I'm warning you, don't leave.

Wait for me!

Look at how I'm twisting, look at how I'm twisting, with the twist

With my legs bent, with my legs bent, I dance the twist

Do you know why my hands are whiter than yours?

Because they have been washed with OMO.

Well, then I'll be waiting for their confirmation.

Goodbye. Have a nice day. I don't like this terrain at all.

- I thought it was fine. - Fine for what? It's damp.

Every time we have to talk about something...

- Cotto! - Pleased to meet you.

- I'm here for the lots. - My wife...

The lots encompass an area of 28,000 square metres

subdivided into 24 lots, varying from 1,000 to 1,100 and 1,200.

We're going to put in roads, water, lights, electricity...

- Wait for me. - The water must be there.

- ...and so on. Where have they gone? - Coming. Here I am.

Prices: 8,000, 9,000, 10,000 per square metre.

8,000 is the lowest, 9,000 mid-range, 10,000 the top end.

Payments in cash benefit the interests of both parties.

Naturally.

Terms of payment are one third now, one third when the contract is drawn up,

and the remainder over a period of six months, a year...

Stop him, please!

Excuse me, but were you in the Bersaglieri?

- Yes, third regiment, Milan. - And here we have a lady.

- Cotto! Good day, ma'am. - Good day.

Other expenses are the registration tax, deed of sale...

- Yes, yes. - ...interest, and loans.

Availability: scarce.

Building plots are selling fast at the moment.

They're going like hotcakes.

We still have something left there, halfway up the hill, in the pine forest...

The stakes over there mark out the 1,000 metre lot.

- But look, no one buys 1,000 metres. - No?

I'll give you some advice.

- Don't buy 1,000 metres, madam! - Why?

Because, here, everyone buys 3,000, 5,000, 6,000 metres...

OK, but you need the cash.

It's a question of psychology, I'm telling you.

You soon won't be contented with only having 1,000 metres.

Look, Professor Sanvittorio there.

He's bought 6,000 for his development.

There are still two lots free in the pines over there.

- Which ones? - Those, there.

- Those two there? - Yes, those.

Let's go and see them.

Did you hear that? We can't even cover the charges with a million!

It's crazy, I know.

Why do we never have enough for anything?

Do you suppose this is the pine wood? Nice.

Here. You could combine the two lots for a view of the pine forest wood

with what's effectively a private road going up to it.

Imagine what, in 20 or 30 years, the value of this spot

with these plantations will be.

It'll be a real paradise, madam.

Yes, yes. But, listen, about the payment...

I don't know, it could be for example, one million right now

and, perhaps, the rest...

Yes, one million now and the rest when the contract is drawn up.

Actually, I was saying one million now and the rest in small installments.

No. I'm afraid that I don't think the group would consider that proposal.

- Really? - You see, for a select clientele,

it's in your interest too.

Any Tom, Dick or Harry could go for it if the down payment were just one million.

Yes, I understand.

But, then...

I really wouldn't recommend it.

The trend today...

is the opposite, because of planning.

You know, one has to liberate oneself.

Invest. Invest.

Provide for devaluation.

Today, people are scared.

Money is burning in their hands. And then...

- Look there at Professor Sanvittorio. - What's he doing?

He paid his 40 million in a flash! Everything up front.

Of course, for a professor like him,

writing a cheque for ten million

is like for me, or for you, writing one for one million.

Come, sir, I'll show you your lot.

Why don't you tell him we've only got a million?

You're mad. He probably wouldn't believe us.

- You know the professor, don't you? - Ah, yes, yes.

Perhaps you know him better. Madam, go on ahead.

- Derma... - Eh?

- ...Syphilis Pathologist! - Ah, yes.

A top level position. He earns what he wants to.

He told me in confidentiality that he has a rich clientele.

Shopkeepers, professionals, personalities.

All syphilitics!

- It's a widespread disease these days. - Hmm.

You know, this new law that,

instead of reducing, has increased certain things.

It's all gold for him.

- Who is this professor? - How should I know?

He certainly earns more than me.

- Thank God for that. - Oh, yes, thank God.

I don't know. There's lots of money out there in the world.

How people make it, I don't understand.

Either they're stealing it, or I'm a fool. It's bloody cold here.

Have you forgotten how we got through money?

Yes, and where's all that money gone? It's the way you handle it.

- What do you mean? - The way you look after and spend it.

- So it's my fault, then? - Of course it's your fault.

You have to admit you're not as careful as you used to be.

There was a time when you kept to a budget.

- Now, where has the money gone? - Think about your payments!

I think about my payments, and about those for your fur coat, if you don't mind.

Over here.

There, look. There's the lake. Marvellous, isn't it?

It's a bit windy though.

No, it's a breeze that comes and goes. That's its beauty.

And this, here, is the lot where the professor is building his cottage.

Hey!

- It really is a great position. - What's he been planting here?

He just doesn't get it! He's got a mania for planting things.

That damned caretaker's sabotaging me.

If the professor comes, what shall I tell him?

- I don't know. - Did something happen?

What the hell am I going to tell the professor

when he finds a vegetable patch instead of his plot?

I'll sack that lazy brute!

Criminal! Lazy peasant! Swine!

Scoundrel of a bloody southerner.

He doesn't respect me. Bloody southerner!

What a shame. They were beautiful.

What's his problem? Who's he got it in for?

It's the person who planted cabbages on the dermatologist's land.

What harm does it do?

The land costs 12,000 lire per square metre and he's planting cabbages on it!

- But they haven't started building yet. - That doesn't matter.

It's the fact in itself.

It flies in the face of reason.

Planting cabbages here means you've understood nothing.

- Nothing, what? - Nothing, nothing.

Of the EEC, the economic miracle, the evolution that's going on.

That's a man who's living completely outside of our times.

Planting cabbages! He should get a job in a factory where they need workers.

Yes, but...

And cabbages come from Siberia, end of story.

All that toil that poor southerner went to in planting them.

Yeah, it's a nasty trick to play on him.

What does he care about these four cabbages?

Yes, or about our million?

Tell you what, why don't we tell him what we think of him?

Eh?

- What? - Let him keep it all.

The land, the lake, the mortgage, the cottage,

the agrarian credit, who cares?

- You'd seriously do it? - Of course I would.

Why? Did the doctor order "Lombardy Switzerland"?

Who cares, that's what I'm telling you.

The syphilis merchant has four plots on the lake, who cares!

He can keep them. Why do we have to ruin Sunday

and who knows how many other days of our lives

for a thousand disgusting, rotten, syphilitic square metres

of this slimy, muddy, disgusting land?

Who cares? Who cares?

Who cares?

Do you want to see the lot down in the pine forest?

Yes, you go, Cotto.

- Now what are you going to tell him? - Eh?

You are. You wouldn't want me to tell him.

And make a bad impression? Never.

I can't tell him after all the time I've made him waste, he'll go berserk.

- Come on, we're leaving. - What should we do?

- Act nonchalant. - Eh?

- Come with me, I said. - What are you doing?

Come on, let's cut it short. Don't make a scene.

- But, how? - You come behind me.

- We'll never see him again. Who cares? - Fine.

Come on, act nonchalant. Run! Hurry up.

Come on, hurry.

That's it, move it!

Move it, Ricky, we're leaving.

Up you go.

Ricky, you're still there?

Ricky, come on!

No! No! No!

Who are you today? Nembo Kid?

I saw him, Dad.

He came out of the water with wings a hundred metres long,

and flames coming out of his eyes,

and he flew away!

Who is it? Do you know?

- Who is it? - The free-range chicken.

Of course, it must never be forgotten

that the consumer is not just a mix

of impulses and unconscious motives,

to be activated for consumption.

Many times, relying too much on the subconscious,

we underestimate the conscious,

reason, prudence, modesty,

sentiment, and good sense,

which are also factors of prime importance.

And we find ourselves confronted with failures

that we don't know how to reason with.

In these cases, it is not advised

to abandon oneself to pessimism.

One must bear in mind that, by now, the consumer has conditioned himself.

The competitive drive that we managed to impose upon society,

has become part of his nature and of his ego.

It stimulates him to attain higher and higher goals.

What's wrong? Are you crying?

No? I can see you.

You're not angry, are you?

Then why are you crying?

- You're not angry? - No.

I'd forgotten what you looked like when you cry.

How long has it been since you last cried? Five, six years?

I can't even remember.

You used to cry for no reason at all.

And that made me sad too.

- The past was better than now. - Maybe.

Is that why we used to cry?

People think it's the opposite, but it isn't.

Don't accuse me of being a sadist if I tell you something.

I'm happy you're crying.

Hey.

Out of the way!

Ten thousand per square metre.

One million to seal the contract!

A view of the lake.

Seventy years old, still in Milan.

A view of Buisa.

Don't worry, sir, this is the most successful model of the year.

Damn Topo Gigio!

Turn off those headlights!

1800 Gran Luce.

300,000 lire for a wreck that doesn't work.

1800, Gran Luce.

Gran Luce.

Gran Luce.

Gran Luce!

The German Consul.

Where will this average consumer come from?

Who knows? Who knows?

- Professor Villetta. - Honoured.

- Count Cecagna. - My pleasure.

- Engineer Codinò. - Honoured.

Dr Trivio.

- Countess Colpi Di Marmellata. - Honoured.

- Count Farina. - My pleasure.

- Honourable Benegodi. - Honoured.

- Count Marzotto. - My pleasure.

- Honourable Palla. - Honoured.

- Doctor Acquadroni. - Honoured.

- Commander Mauro. - My pleasure.

- Senator Olivetti. - My pleasure.

- Publisher Contatori. - Honoured.

- Doctor Anelli. - My pleasure.

- Ship owner Cassio. - Honoured.

- Industrialist Viaggio. - My pleasure.

- Donna Tosca Crispi. - My pleasure.

Engineer Vlac.

Count Vili.

Gentleman Maritozzi.

Commendatore Bone.

Commendatore...

Gentleman...

Gentleman...