Original subtitles

SOMEWHERE IN PALILULA

Come on, I'm freezing!

Come on!

Welcome, doc.

Ilie sent me to greet you.

The motherfucking bozo.

He says he's busy with the funeral.

The ambulance is stuck so I'm picking you up by train.

Gynecologist or what?

Pediatrician.

You are handsome

Really handsome.

Come on, "Philharmonic". Hit it!

What's a pediatrician doing in Palilula? Think again.

You'll get robbed blind and eaten alive.

We don't need a pediatrician.

Don't you understand? It's a trap.

They'll corner you and eat you.

Don't go there! Just ride on.

- Ride on to where Pantelica?

- If you're going anyway, expect Hell.

And don't be surprised if you grow a tail of your own.

What is it?

Mr. Popescu, God bless you.

Jump! Go with them!

They're going to Italy.

Join them! Go to Italy!

- Shut up Pantelica! Everybody's expecting him in Palilula.

Can't you see how handsome he is?

We've never had such a handsome one.

It was one winter afternoon in the '60s that I first saw the lights of Palilula...

The town with no children...

Palilula, Palilula! Sweet terrible hell!

The love and shame of my youth!

My garbage dump... Young, green, paradise-like...

I was young fresh out of med school.

I carried two suitcases full of books that I never got to read.

I thought I'd stay there for three or four weeks. I stayed there a lifetime.

It swallowed me like a frog swallows a fly. It slowly digested me in its honey-soaked belly.

- Ilie, where are you?

The doc is here!

- What the hell are these morons doing here?

Nita, you asshole, didn't you see this bunch of idiots gathering around?

What are you doing here?

It's not a puppet show!

Go away!

- Let them watch, doc.

- Shut up or you're out.

We're doing science here. We're cutting him up and you're watching on like morons.

- We're watching how you're cutting up Mr. Pantelica.

- What's the patient's job? Why are you staring?

Have you forgotten the patient's job?

Let me tell you.

The patient's job is to lie down and suffer. That's why he's sick in the first place.

- Come over here and help! You hear me?

Who lit up the candles?

What's this? A church?

You lazy-bone rednecks...

- Who's on duty today? - The Gynecology!

- Weren't they on duty yesterday?

- No! Yesterday it was Obstretics. Today's GYN.

- GYN, move it! What the hell?

Why are you standing there, comrade?

Step aside, comrade!

- What's up? Are you standing in the way of the Party?

That's not good.

- Who was the gentleman? - Comrade Trotsky.

Virgil Cringasu, chairman of the Party.

Tudorin the administrator. Ilie Tudorin.

Who are you? The young doctor, is it?

- Good evening. My name is Serafim.

- Welcome. We were expecting you. Have you had dinner?

- No I haven't, thank you. I'd like to go to the headquarters.

- Wait. Wait, wait.

For Pantelica's soul.

- No, thanks... I don't...

- Take a sip. It works up your appetite.

They're doing an autopsy on Pantelica.

They say he got mushroom poisoning.

Look!

The man with the cigarette is Dr. Predoleanu.

and the idiot next to him is Nita Leonardo.

What the hell should I write to dad?

The old man had asked for news

but I had no idea what to write.

FIRE DEPARTMENT

Come on boss, where were you? Everyone's waiting for you!

Good evening.

Room No.3 GYNECOLOGY

Room No. 2 Postnatal ward

- Mitica!

You just drink this...

...and you'll get on your feet.

Welcome to Palilula, doc.

- Thanks, I don't drink.

- Just a little for Pantelica's soul.

Welcome.

We were all waiting for you. Poor Pantelica didn't live to see you.

He talked a lot about you.

- How come? I never met him.

- He knew you.

He was expecting you.

We all were.

- Good evening.

- I don't get it. What sort of maternity hospital is this?

- What sort? It's the Palilula maternity.

A quarantine in the middle of nowhere.

County people. Drunk, lazy, sleeping in the ditch.

They check in for a free soup and backgammon here.

We send them home on Saturday; but on Monday they're back here.

You'll see that here, all sick people are bloody healthy.

They smoke all daylike hell

They claim to have tuberculosis and want to be X-rayed daily.

Other than that, they're strong as horses.

We, the doctors, are the only sick ones.

Dr. Predoleanu, the forensic surgeon, is the only one working hard here.

Trotsky, you son of a...

What the hell? Now?

- Pista!

Call him up!

Pista, where are you?

Lock the warehouse or there'll be nothing left!

Pista, come here!

Get him!

Get him now!

- Where were you, boss? I've been looking all over.

It's all Leana's fault. And her fucking stew...

Let's eat and then you can check in. You'll see the apartment I got you.

- I need to speak to the manager or someone.

- Come on boss, what are you talking about?

At this hour?

They're all busy with Pantelica. God rest his soul.

- Mr. Ilie!

- Long live our lazy bones!

Poor dad. If only he'd known where my college money went.

What was he thinking?

- What's up, boss? Are you asleep?

Let's go, the blizzard started.

What a twisted story.

Everything is a lie.

First get something to eat, then we have a suite at the "Boema" for you.

Come quick!

This is Pantelica's office.

Leana, what now? A fucking stew.

She'll poison us all.

Here we used to gather and gossip with Pantelica,

no one could bother us,

Gogu, Mr. Bartolomeo, Predoleanu, Barza, all of us.

A great man, Pantelica.

A scholar!

Kiki came from abroad sometimes and took photos.

How Pantelica would pat that lamb and call it "baby"...

Mr. Ilie!

Mr. Ilie!

- Hey, boss!

Boss! Come on, they're taking Pantelica away.

- What was wrong with my stew, Ilie?

- Hey Leana! Be careful, you might cut off the power again.

- Fucking wires.

What are you doing!? Smoking again?

Had I been asleep for minutes or days? I didn't know.

I was so hungry, my stomach ached.

But it was not my fate to starve in Palilula.

My fate was to die a slow death, my marrow eaten by that stupid X-ray machine.

Who the hell had turned it on?

- Pantelica!

Look fucking alive!

Is that how you're mourning Pantelica?

Pantelica!

- I understand Ilie has been settling you in at "Boema" for a couple of days now!

Welcome to the club.

- Thanks. I don't drink.

- Just a little. For Pantelica's soul.

- Who was Pantelica?

- The best doctor in Palilula.

Best in the country. Famous in the world.

Socrates. A genius. God rest his soul.

I have something to say. Something terrible happened this morning.

I think I was irradiated.

- Don't worry.

The X-ray machine hasn't worked in years. The lights come on just for show.

- Dear comrades and friends,

in these difficult times, we have gathered to pay homage to a great scholar.

- On that sad morning I got to know my distinguished colleagues.

My new friend, Dr. Gogu, introduced them.

- That's fucking Trotsky...

Virgil Cringasu, Chairman of the Party, true communist.

- ...the passing of our beloved comrade Pantelica...

- Dr. Predoleanu, distinguished forensic surgeon, and his moronic assistant,

Mr Nita Leonardo. Imbecile coroner and countryside nurse.

He's got the syringe needle in his lapel. He uses that for all his shots.

Mr. Bartolomeo, pharmacist of noble descent and taste. Opera fan.

An alcoholic. He studied in Paris. Cirrhosis. An aristocrat.

Those two are pharmacists, too. Twins. Venena and Separanda.

I don't know their real names.

Those two, Laurel and Hardy, are their husbands.

Heavy drinkers but... pussy whipped.

Mitica Limoncelli.

That's our Mr. Barza, head of the local frog business.

And now "les grandes dames" of Palilula.

And Petrica, their manager.

The Hermaphrodite, head of the emergency service.

A woman in full moon, a man during half-moon.

You already met Olga. And this is Pista, her husband.

Leana, the cleaning woman, bit of a nympho.

- You fucking whore!

- Comrade Leana!

Comrades!

- If I hadn't been so hungry, I'd have said Palilula was heaven.

But I was hungry. I would have gone home right then.

- Comrades! Go back to your places!

The Party has sent us a replacement for the irreplaceable comrade Pantelica,

A young representative of our socialist medical school

a true hope, doctor....

Young man,

I can't recall your name.

- Serafim.

Dr. Serafim.

Long live our lazy bones!

The rumor spreaded fast that a young intellectual had arrived in Palilula.

Everyone came by to browse through my books.

- Tell the story! Tell it, Serafim doesn't know it.

- The one with the wolf.

The one with the wolf.

- Right, boss doesn't know it.

Listen here.

This was incidental. A real incident, that is.

Listen here.

1953, a harsh winter.

My folks had kicked me out after that stupid donkey story at Grandiflora,

and I was staying with a wife of mine.

Big snow, small trail.

I went to gather firewood and ran into a wolf.

I got scared.

I was carrying a load of firewood.

Then I started swearing on the spot.

I started swearing, "Mother-" and had to stop and run.

The wolf was after me.

It was very harsh for me. I was twice upset;

once with the wolf chasing me,

and again cause I couldn't swear.

I kept the words inside.

And after two kilometers--

"--fucking wolf!"

Got it?

I got home, opened the door, went in,

dropped the wood, and once safe,

I opened the door again and finished my curse!

"--fucking wolf!"

I had started it two kilometers back.

- He finished his curse! Got relieved!

- This was incidental. A real incident, that is.

- Tell us again about the wolf!

- I got home, unlocked the door, put my head out and finished my curse!

"Motherfucking wolf!"

- Why do you call me wolf, comrade Ilie?

- Ilie, are you cursing the Party?

- Go away!

- Come on, Trotsky, man!

- ...and you call yourself Party members! You went with the Americans!

We left you a strong Party, and you fucked it up!

You ruined the Party! ...and what Party we left you...

- We just got it a few months ago.

It wasn't perfect when we got it, and we didn't ruin it that badly.

Come on, let's drink.

- Go away!

- Fuck him. The Party is pooping on our parade.

How long had it been since mylast meal?

No matter. I had been so warmly welcomed.

My colleagues had explained: in Palilula, food was a whim; drink was a must.

I don't think I would have written that to dad.

- Wanna join us, baby?

- Shut the door, it's draughty.

- Sorry.

Gogu is sleeping. He was on duty.

You're too handsome, doc.

Spring is coming.

Who's there?

All drunkards are now pissing in our backyard!

Mr. Pantelica, is that you?

I think I saw Mr. Pantelica.

It was him, God forgive me.

Cheers, Mr. Pantelica!

- I pickled the mushrooms last fall.

And I made borscht. And I've got fresh eggs.

Doc, won't you come by tonight?

I got canned eggplant. And pickled cabbage.

Dr. Pantelica loved it.

They put me in Dr. Pantelica's office as I was not doing too much.

Here I am, after many years of study...

...a young pediatrician in Palilula, the city with no kids.

I was taking care of the X-Rays machine which wasn't really working for years.

But even if it worked, I didn't know a thing about it.

...and those poor guys queued for X-Rays.

- I can't write that to dad.

- Telling me I poisoned him...

When I know it was Capra (Goat), that stupid whore!

- Hello, patients! - Good morning doctor, sir!

- Patients, have you eaten?

- No, we haven't!

- Well... you see? First you eat, then you can come.

- You'll set the place on fire with your bloody cigarettes!

- Thanks. I don't drink anymore. - Just a little, for the coming of spring.

Keep it up, guys.

- What's with this crap?

- Pantelica's stuff. Trotsky said he was mocking the working class.

That we should get a new X-ray machine.

But Pantelica wouldn't hear of it.

He claimed the machine was great, it was man that was broken.

- There, it broke.

- Oh dear, oh dear. It broke...

Man, it stinks.

- I'm a pediatrician. What am I doing here?

- Pantelica, God rest his soul, had a theory. Children are bad luck.

When a child is born, an adult has to die.

Capra (Goat) used to come by. The ugly whore.

She comes by all of us when we're drunk.

Barza keeps her in a shed. You know her?

Some say she's his sister.

One day, she got pregnant.

Leana swore she saw her coming pregnant into Pantelica's office, and going out all lean.

Pantelica then grew grumpy.

He wouldn't let anybody in, he hardly came out.

Leana brought him food, her famous stews...

She swore she heard squealing noises inside.

Or a baby crying.

Tall stories, you know. She was jealous.

But one day she stopped hearing it.

And we found Pantelica dead. Mushroom poisoning.

But Leana swears it was Capra's baby that did him in.

Pantelica ate it, and got sick on it.

Crap.

She called him "ogre".

What are you doing here?

- Have you eaten? - Yes we have, doc.

- Well... I haven't. Come later, when I've eaten, too.

You're as strong as oxen.

Let's go.

Gogu used to visit me a lot. He meant to educate me.

He had come to Palilula about five years before me. He was said to be a very good doctor.

And handsome, too, on top of it. Everyone loved him.

Only Virgil Cringasu, Trotsky, the party secretary,

couldn't stand him. He said he was an American, and he hated Americans.

I'm not American. I'm a county boy, like you all.

True, he had been born in Burundi or Ouagadougou or some such place,

but he had studied in this country and had settled in Palilula.

He might have wished for a better place, but that's that.

They've assigned me here.

There was a great commotion that day...

What the hell is that?

Is that human or what?

I haven't seen anything like it!

Or is that human? I wanna go see!

Hold my place.

Man, are you ugly!

- How about I smack you silly, shmuck.

For the first time, Palilula regretted not having a fanfare.

There hadn't been many black people in Palilula before!

Those moments are unforgettable.

Pixie Magic-Eye went nuts for him.

She welcomed him like a king.

Faced with such wonder, people were speechless. And Mr. Circu lost his place in the queue.

Man, I looked carefully. He's human.

He's all human. It's just that he's all black.

He's angry 'cause he fucked that whore. Pixie Magic-Eye.

She kept him in her den for a couple of weeks, at her Three-Eyes-under-the-Cover.

and then released him for the joy of other Dames.

- These go in as zucchini.

These are spaghetti.

And put the vodka down as tomatoes. 10 kilos.

The snow has melted and is leaking out of eaves.

The frogs are croaking in the pond.

The flies are coming back to life.

Spring has come.

And spring is nowhere as beautiful as in Palilula.

I had adapted well enough to Palilula.

And, as Gogu said, when spring comes to Palilula, the maternity hospital is in full grind mode.

- You know what this is?

It's heaven. Paradise.

These are belly worms. And for them, the shithole is heaven.

That's where they first saw the daylight,

so to speak.

Poor Mr. Bartolomeo. He was such a Lord.

- Ilie, what happened with the donkey at Grandiflora?

- What's it like, Ilie, to be the only one getting service in the whole restaurant?

- Grandiflora.

- Comrade Serafim.

Come here comrade.

Comrade Serafim, sit down here.

Comrade Serafim, you're a young man.

Stop looking up to Ilie and Gogu.

They're American spies.

This Gogu, look at him...

Do you think the Party is not aware?

They are aware.

You're a young man. It's a shame.

We must not let the Party down.

I did let it down once.

It breaks my heart, but what could I do?

- When did you let the Party down, Virgil?

- When I got a divorce. In '57.

She was a devil, no question there. She was also siding with the enemy.

But I did wrong by divorcing her.

I shouldn't have. I should have talked her out of it.

That's what I should have done.

Then I met my Elena. We got engaged.

I never call her "Elena".

Only"Cupcake".

Theylaugh. But when you love a woman,

you should never call her by her name.

You should find a sweet word to call her by.

Like "baby" or "cupcake".

We'll start a family.

Cupcake.

Cupcake, the Party instrument.

- What are you doing here, Leana? Aren't you ashamed?

- Because of you?

I saw better ones than yours.

- I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore!

This tooth. It hurts so bad.

- Virgil, we have to take it out.

- Guys, let's get him.

- Guys, stop it guys!

- Careful. On the table here.

Don't be a baby.

You won't feel a thing!

Drink this.

- Fuck off with that American shit!

Than take this.

More... more!

- Nita, grab the wrench!

Come on Nita, you dumbass!

- "Arise, ye wretched of the earth..."

- OK, Virgil, it's out.

Man, I'd love to do an autopsy...

- He's dreaming of Cupcake now.

"I never called her Elena. Only Cupcake".

- So that's how big their love was. He only called her Cupcake.

Can he even utter the word?

With that tongue?

Cupcake?

Guys?

What does this Cupcake look like?

We all laughed about his Cupcake and we all wondered what she looked like

and what they did together.

- Look how pretty you are. Cupcake will love you.

Give her this jewel as a gift.

Eventually, after a few days we met Cupcake.

They were doing their premarital tests.

- Dear comrades, let me introduce you to my future wife.

Comrade Elena Cringasu.

- Baby!

Baby!

Virgil!

Baby!

Baby!

- Pista!

When will you finish your helicopter thing, for God's sake?

- Come on doc, put in a good word for me to get a 100 lei raise.

- I can't. You've only graduated seventh grade.

- Yeah, but I got a lot of experience. What, doesn't that count for something?

You've seen me taking that tooth out!

- Nita, I have a professional question.

How many people do you use this needle on?

- Five, if they're relatives.

Three, if they're not.

- Good, good.

We'll talk.

GYNECOLOGY!

The fight for peace will take place at 4 p.m.

I don't recall the year, but people were already starving.

That's when the Party invented the Fight for Peace.

They had us fight for peace every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Then there were inspections. Mr. Virgil was terrified.

We fought any place we could:

in the hospital courtyard, in the kitchen, behind the drug store.

Everywhere. Mr. Virgil pushed us from behind.

A year and a half we fought for peace. And the Western imperialists-not a sign.

No sign of letting up internationally.

- Doc, come by tonight. I have a mushroom stew.

I'm busy. Leave me alone.

I gave some to Dr. Predoleanu.

He loves mushrooms, too. Come on, now really...

Screw you.

What is it, Gogu?

- This fucking Nita Leonardo wants a raise.

He killed a guy.

He thought he had an intestinal obstruction and gave him an enema,

but the guy had a perforated ulcer. He stuffed everything in his peritoneum.

- I'm innocent.

He's my cousin, but he hated me. We fought over some land.

His wife wanted me to give him an enema

He was in terrible pain.

We had fought, but my professional conscience...?

I found a syringe and pumped 5 liters of water and soap.

- And the guy died.

- He died... goddamn it.

Leana makes a stew... to die for.

But a bloater, nevertheless.

Goddamn it, man!

Autopsy is a science!

It's not your grandma's kitchen, it's the noblest science!

Write it down.

- He did it on purpose.

He knew I couldn't give him the enema, but he let me search for a syringe and do it!

Just out of spite, so he'd make mylife hell.

Just so I'd be called in and investigated!

Due to bad weather, the fight for peace will be held at the morgue.

Damn you, I'll die holding you.

- Little Leana struggling with Big Leana!

- Goddamn you and your peace!

Man, that stew is killing me. I got killer cramps...

- Comrades, allow me to read our telegram of solidarity in the fight for peace...

Doc! You're gonna drink on an empty stomach again.

Come on over. I'll make polenta and cheese. And throw in a couple of eggs.

- Give it a rest, Leana. Some other time!

- I have roe, too!

and vodka...

Ilie knew everything. He knew when the harvest would be good.

He knew when the rain would come and the chicken would hatch.

He knew the language of the birds and the map of the skies.

He knew everything.

He was no doctor, no bigshot. He was an administrator.

Ilie, the administrator. Bit of a drunkard. But I loved him dearly.

Pantelica, there'll be a lot of plum brandy this fall!

God gave us lots of bees and butterflies for our plum trees.

Go ahead, little butterflies,

fuck around and enjoy!

- Thanks, Ilie! Cheers!

- You?

- I have a boy here.

- Where? Is he a patient?

- My boy is here.

- Well what does he do here? Is he a patient?

- No, he works here.

- What does he do here?

- He's a doctor.

- What doctor?

- His name is Serafim.

- Are you his father? - I am.

- Man, you gave us such a great kid! He's one of us.

A drunk and a skirt-chaser, God keep him.

- Professor, Brambete makes the best meatballs.

Brambete, come here.

Are the meatballs fresh?

- I just made the minced meat a minute ago.

- Show the professor, will you.

- Would I lie to you?

- They're fresh, he's right.

You do not know me but I know you.

You are the father of our doctor. Let me introduce myself.

My name is Pista Hertog, engineer.

The lady is my wife, Olga Hertog and the gentleman is Dr. Gogu, our friend.

- Pista, leave the gentleman alone! - I apologize.

Professor, doctors are hooligans and skirt-chasers.

What else? They're with those nurses all night long...

With the patients almost naked

What is medicine? Why, it's quackery!

As the late Pantelica used to say:

medicine is the only state-subsidized fraud.

When a sick man comes to us, what are we going to do?

Who can we cure? What patients?

When they come to us, they're either healthy, or already dead.

- We, the doctors, are the only ill people around.

- Autopsy is a science.

The science that cuts men up.

- Maternity is different.

- It should take care that no babies are born.

Why should they be born?

They'd only take up our seats at the table!

Pantelica was right. Children are a bad omen!

Carry on...

You're too handsome.

- Come on, Professor. 25 lei. Is that too much?

- Dad, let me introduce you to Pusha the Bolshevik.

She welcomed the Soviet tanks in 1944.

That is Geta the Bombed. The war was just over...

- She got bombed by her husband.