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1
00:00:08,469 --> 00:00:10,471
[ Laughs ]
2
00:00:16,847 --> 00:00:19,140
[ Laughs ]
3
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:23,023
Ha!
4
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,196
Ha!
5
00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:27,568
Ha ha!
6
00:00:27,568 --> 00:00:29,029
Ow!
7
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,031
Here,
you take it.
8
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,613
Okay.
9
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,708
[ Sighs ]
10
00:00:37,708 --> 00:00:40,291
Boy, what is wrong
with you?
11
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:42,663
Did I just give you
a section to read?
12
00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:44,215
Yeah, but it's more fun to read
what you're reading.
13
00:00:44,215 --> 00:00:45,626
Why?
14
00:00:45,626 --> 00:00:47,878
I don't know.
I guess it's a son thing.
15
00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:50,671
It's kind of like it's
more fun for me to wear
your underwear than mine.
16
00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:54,175
I don't want those drawers.
Baby, burn those drawers.
17
00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:55,806
Huh? Here, baby.
Have a sandwich.
18
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,478
Thank you, honey.
19
00:00:57,478 --> 00:00:59,019
And thank you.
20
00:00:59,019 --> 00:01:00,851
You want me to cut it
in half for you?
21
00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:02,393
Don't mind
if you do.
22
00:01:02,393 --> 00:01:04,775
Now feed me, please.
23
00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:07,398
Oh, look at you.
You're gonna make a great mommy.
24
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:09,280
I get a lot of practice
with junior.
25
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,281
I see.
26
00:01:10,281 --> 00:01:12,072
I wish this baby
would come.
27
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,574
I'm a week late
already.
28
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,197
Oh, well, you can always go to
the hospital and induce it.
29
00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:18,829
Mmm. I've decided I want to have
the baby at home.
30
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,161
[ Groans ]
31
00:01:20,161 --> 00:01:21,412
Want to do what?
32
00:01:21,412 --> 00:01:23,504
I decided I want to have
my baby at home.
33
00:01:23,504 --> 00:01:25,045
I don't think
that's a good idea.
34
00:01:25,045 --> 00:01:26,967
What if something happens,
vanessa?
35
00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:29,710
No, it won't. I've been working
with a midwife.
36
00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:31,972
You don't want to get caught
in a midwife crisis.
[Midlife]
37
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:33,764
[ Laughing ] midwife...
38
00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:36,637
Unh-unh.
Shut it up, please.
39
00:01:36,637 --> 00:01:38,018
Right.
40
00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:40,141
This is some serious stuff.
What is this woman's name?
41
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,562
Peeton wipastoppa.
42
00:01:41,562 --> 00:01:43,604
Peeton did stop what?
43
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,436
It's indian
for "summer breeze."
44
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:48,108
Summer breeze? That sounds like
a feminine-hygiene commercial.
45
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,441
[ Feminine voice ] I feel so
confident with my summer breeze.
46
00:01:50,441 --> 00:01:53,113
No, silly. She's a complete
vegan and yoga master.
47
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,785
She worked at woodstock.
48
00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:56,157
Which woodstock?
49
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,789
There's only one woodstock --
snoopy's friend.
50
00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:00,331
He's a bird.
[ Whistles ]
51
00:02:01,952 --> 00:02:04,295
Ow!
52
00:02:04,295 --> 00:02:06,207
Vanessa, listen,
take it from a woman
53
00:02:06,207 --> 00:02:09,300
Who has had three children --
childbirth is no joke.
54
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,881
That's what
most women say,
55
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,963
But I happen to have
a very high threshold for pain.
56
00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:15,806
Yeah, and you also happen to be
carrying junior's baby,
57
00:02:15,806 --> 00:02:18,469
And have you gotten a look
at the size of that head?
58
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:21,602
They may have to give you
a c-section, a b-section,
59
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:23,184
They might even
flip you over
60
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,066
And take some spine out
to get that head out.
61
00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:28,319
That's what happened
to me.
62
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,901
That's right,
that's why I'm so short.
63
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,235
I have a lot of confidence
in summer breeze.
64
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:35,656
You say that now,
65
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,488
You're gonna want
a real good doctor
66
00:02:37,488 --> 00:02:39,159
With some
real good drugs,
67
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,412
Not some hippie
throwing daisies at you.
68
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,914
Michael, will you help me out
here, please?!
69
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,876
Boy, do you have
a say in this?!
70
00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,588
Yeah,
and I'm fine with it.
71
00:02:47,588 --> 00:02:50,381
As a matter of fact,
here's the best part --
72
00:02:50,381 --> 00:02:52,213
Baby, tell them
the best part.
73
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,844
We're gonna have the baby
in a bathtub!
74
00:02:53,844 --> 00:02:54,965
Yes!
75
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:56,597
Look,
call me old-school,
76
00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:59,430
But I think a baby should be
pulled out with metal tongs,
77
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,302
Smacked on the behind
by a doctor
78
00:03:01,302 --> 00:03:03,224
The way the good lord
intended.
79
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,805
That's right.
I agree.
80
00:03:04,805 --> 00:03:07,438
No disrespect, but you guys
did things your way, and...
81
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,069
We're gonna do things
our way.
82
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:10,441
Oh, vanessa, please.
83
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:13,193
You'll feel more comfortable
once you meet summer breeze.
84
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,735
She's coming over
tomorrow
85
00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:16,447
For a final practice
birthing session.
86
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:19,079
Well, we can hardly wait.
87
00:03:21,992 --> 00:03:23,374
Michael: hey, guys.
88
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:24,995
You're late.
89
00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:27,288
Sorry.
We ran into traffic.
90
00:03:27,288 --> 00:03:28,539
Yeah.
91
00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,631
Please remove your shoes
before entering
92
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:32,633
To show respect
for the birthing space.
93
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:34,635
I ain't taking off my shoes
in my own house.
94
00:03:34,635 --> 00:03:36,597
Michael, will you
just do it?
95
00:03:36,597 --> 00:03:37,758
Fine.
96
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,800
Keeping on my socks,
though.
97
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,302
Hi, I'm jay.
98
00:03:41,302 --> 00:03:43,394
And I'm summer breeze.
Whoosh!
99
00:03:43,394 --> 00:03:45,806
Namaste.
[Now must stay]
100
00:03:45,806 --> 00:03:48,228
Hey, I'm michael kyle,
and whoosh!
101
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,060
Now must go.
102
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,273
We talked about this in the car.
You are going to do this.
103
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,234
Okay, okay.
Let's just get this over with.
104
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,406
Okay.
105
00:03:55,406 --> 00:04:00,361
You have such a big,
beautiful, bright aura.
106
00:04:00,361 --> 00:04:03,494
I am seeing lots of
yellows and oranges.
107
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,126
[ Imitating summer ]
and I'm seeing lots of nuts
and whackadoodles.
108
00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:07,918
Stop it.
109
00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,710
Thank you.
I've always known I've had...
110
00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:12,373
Oranges and yellows
in my aura.
111
00:04:12,373 --> 00:04:16,507
I'm going to give you
the name "big sun"!
112
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,258
That's funny, because I already
gave her the name -- look --
113
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,260
Big moon.
[ Laughs ]
114
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,762
Would you --
115
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,305
One more.
You got one more.
Sorry.
116
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,727
Isn't it great
how intuitive she is?
Mm-hmm.
117
00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:28,809
She gave me and junior
indian names, too.
118
00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:30,981
I am
"wind between ears."
119
00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:33,734
And I am
"eager beaver."
120
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:36,106
Yeah, and I'm
"stuck in hell."
121
00:04:37,948 --> 00:04:39,990
What?
What's this?
122
00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:42,323
Well, I'm just,
uh, noticing
123
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:45,956
Your aura is very muddy
and charcoaly and negative
124
00:04:45,956 --> 00:04:50,411
And angry and judgmental,
laced with hostility and rage!
125
00:04:50,411 --> 00:04:53,293
I'm going to
call you...
126
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,626
"Dark cloud."
127
00:04:55,626 --> 00:04:57,838
[ Gasps ]
128
00:04:57,838 --> 00:04:59,720
And I'm gonna
call you...a cab.
129
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,512
[ Gasps ]
give me the phone.
130
00:05:01,512 --> 00:05:04,054
Michael, michael,
just go ahead, go ahead.
131
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,727
Thank you, big sun.
Let's begin.
132
00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:11,352
What are you doing now?
133
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,313
You're gonna
set the house on fire.
134
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,855
No, no...
I'm just removing
135
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:18,399
All of the impurities
and bad energies.
136
00:05:18,399 --> 00:05:20,320
There's no bad energy
in this house.
137
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,202
Whew!
138
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:26,076
I am noticing a big cesspool
of negativity right here!
139
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,948
Okay, you know what?
Listen, listen, listen.
140
00:05:27,948 --> 00:05:29,830
This can't be good
for the baby.
141
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,373
Okay? I feel like
a smoked sparerib.
142
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,505
Me too. Let's eat.
Shut up.
143
00:05:34,505 --> 00:05:36,417
Please take a seat.
144
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,260
Uh -- on the floor.
145
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:42,383
Right.
On the floor.
146
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,305
We will
begin our session
147
00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:47,928
With an ancient-mayan
birth song
148
00:05:47,928 --> 00:05:50,851
To welcome the baby
from his particular plane
149
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,103
To our
particular plane
150
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,525
And begin this journey
151
00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:56,737
That we call
"the birthing process."
152
00:05:56,737 --> 00:05:58,479
And begin --
153
00:05:58,479 --> 00:06:01,031
Could we sing
the damn song...please?
154
00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:02,403
[ Chuckles ]
155
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,369
[ High-pitched voice ]
♪ ma-ma say ♪
156
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,661
♪ Ma-ma no ♪
157
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:13,414
♪ Ma-non gooka ♪
158
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,336
♪ Ma-ma say, ma-ma no ♪
159
00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:18,629
♪ Ma-non gooka ♪
160
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,380
♪ Ma-ma say -- ♪
161
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,762
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
162
00:06:21,762 --> 00:06:24,465
I know this song. That's
michael jackson slowed down.
163
00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:26,386
Ma-ma say, ma-ma sa,
ma-ma coo sa.
164
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,600
Hey, dark cloud...
I know my
michael jackson.
165
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,061
Zip it, please.
166
00:06:31,061 --> 00:06:32,603
Wind between ears.
167
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:33,814
Yes, mrs. Breeze?
168
00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:35,606
As the seed giver,
169
00:06:35,606 --> 00:06:39,109
It is your responsibility
to soothe eager beaver
170
00:06:39,109 --> 00:06:41,361
In her time of stress.
171
00:06:41,361 --> 00:06:44,905
Summer breeze presents you with
this precious feather.
172
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,788
Run it over her,
like so,
173
00:06:47,788 --> 00:06:49,990
Any time she seems
to become aware
174
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,082
Of the stabbing pain!
175
00:06:52,082 --> 00:06:55,666
Of the beauty
of the birth experience.
176
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,167
Okay.
177
00:06:59,299 --> 00:07:01,802
Oh, wow.
It's very relaxing.
178
00:07:01,802 --> 00:07:03,544
I feel so peaceful.
179
00:07:03,544 --> 00:07:05,676
That's because
you haven't experienced
180
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:09,099
The stabbing pain!
Of the birthing yet.
181
00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:11,812
♪ I have
the magic feather ♪
182
00:07:11,812 --> 00:07:13,974
♪ I have
the magic feather ♪
183
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:16,146
Boy, get that thing
out of my face.
184
00:07:17,818 --> 00:07:18,819
Tickle!
185
00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:22,483
I don't know how much more
of this I can take, really.
186
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,825
Dark cloud!
Yes, miss breeze?
187
00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,528
It is very important
that the mother-to-be's chakras
188
00:07:27,528 --> 00:07:29,490
Remain open
during the birth process.
189
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,532
Here is some tatuti oil.
190
00:07:31,532 --> 00:07:33,624
Where'd you get this from,
some mayan king?
191
00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:36,336
No, I got it
at walbaum's -- $2.99.
192
00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:39,500
It is your responsibility
to use this oil
193
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,713
To keep her third eye
and heart chakras open.
194
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,214
You know what?
195
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,216
There's only gonna be one chakra
that needs to be open,
196
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,178
And I'm not going
anywhere near that with oil.
197
00:07:48,178 --> 00:07:50,801
Give it to me.
I will do it.
198
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:53,353
[ Exhales deeply ]
here.
199
00:07:53,353 --> 00:07:54,935
Here you go, okay.
200
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:58,649
Nnnaaahh!!
201
00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,861
What kind of foolishness?
202
00:08:01,942 --> 00:08:03,694
Eager beaver...
203
00:08:03,694 --> 00:08:07,528
We now begin to simulate
the birthing experience.
204
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,109
Wind between ears,
205
00:08:09,109 --> 00:08:12,242
Please join big sun
and dark cloud
206
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,706
And summer breeze
in an energy-releasing dance
207
00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:18,709
To facilitate
the flow of chi.
208
00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:20,500
You know what?
This is crazy.
209
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,833
I ain't gonna
participate in this.
210
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,334
This is important to us.
211
00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:25,886
It takes
a whole community
212
00:08:25,886 --> 00:08:28,549
To have a successful
natural-birthing experience.
213
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,390
Fine.
214
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:32,553
Be free!
215
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:36,226
Hear the beat
of the universal heart.
216
00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:38,689
Listen
to your impulses.
217
00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:41,562
Let them move you
to your right.
218
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,354
Let them move you
to your left.
219
00:08:44,354 --> 00:08:45,986
♪ And back two times ♪
220
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:46,987
Whoo!
221
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,699
♪ Now slide to the left ♪
oh!
222
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:50,991
♪ And slide to the right ♪
oh!
223
00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:53,073
♪ Now charlie brown ♪
whoo!
224
00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:54,575
♪ Just charlie brown ♪
225
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,156
♪ Is woodstock here? ♪
226
00:08:56,156 --> 00:08:57,868
♪ He's here, daddy ♪
227
00:08:57,868 --> 00:08:58,659
♪ Is woodstock here? ♪
228
00:08:58,659 --> 00:09:00,661
♪ He's over here, daddy ♪
229
00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:02,663
That is not
the cosmic dance!
230
00:09:02,663 --> 00:09:03,754
Dark cloud!
231
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:06,336
♪ And hop three times ♪
232
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,432
Look, this is crazy.
233
00:09:12,432 --> 00:09:15,015
The whole idea of having a baby
at home is just ridiculous.
234
00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:16,847
It's dangerous.
Why are we doing this?
235
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,558
I don't like
the idea either,
236
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,560
But this is what
the kids want to do,
237
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,522
And we should
support them.
238
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,645
Mom, dad, I think
that little twerp
239
00:09:24,645 --> 00:09:26,857
You call my sister
is stealing my stuff.
240
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,488
Did you see her
steal it, claire?
241
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:30,490
No, but some of
my lipsticks and perfume
242
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,693
Have mysteriously
disappeared off my vanity.
243
00:09:32,693 --> 00:09:34,494
Are you sure
you haven't misplaced them?
244
00:09:34,494 --> 00:09:37,788
No, I haven't misplaced them.
I'm 18, not 40.
245
00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:40,000
Hey, do you mind?
246
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,832
I'm 40.
247
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,583
And your mother's
gonna be 40...
248
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,506
In about 18 years.
249
00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:48,799
Okay?
250
00:09:48,799 --> 00:09:51,511
So your mother and I have
some important things that
we're talking about.
251
00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:53,013
What could be
more important
252
00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,805
Than my sister
stealing my perfume?
253
00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,386
[ Imitating claire ]
everything else!
254
00:09:56,386 --> 00:09:59,349
Now, go!
Go upstairs, leave us alone.
255
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,851
That's it?
256
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:03,273
[ Imitating claire ]
yeah. That's it.
257
00:10:03,273 --> 00:10:06,526
[ Normal voice ]
look, if you want to come back
with some concrete evidence,
258
00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:08,148
Then come back
and see us, okay?
259
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:10,490
Okay, I will.
I'll prove it to you guys.
260
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:12,943
[ Imitating claire ]
good.
See you later.
261
00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:13,904
[ Exasperated sigh ]
262
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,535
[ Exasperated sigh ]
263
00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:19,329
Michael:
what are you guys up to?
264
00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,951
We're trying
to figure out
265
00:10:20,951 --> 00:10:22,913
A way to get
this baby to come out.
266
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,665
You know,
I remember my mother saying
267
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,376
That if you
walked around the house
268
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,378
In a full squat position,
it made the baby come faster.
269
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,010
You should try that.
270
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,922
Really?
I'll try anything at this point.
271
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:32,923
Okay.
272
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,594
Yeah, like that.
Yeah.
273
00:10:34,594 --> 00:10:35,886
Like this?
274
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,308
Right, now take that leg
and make a full-circle step.
275
00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:39,970
Now do the other leg.
276
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,261
Okay.
277
00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,603
Now slap your thigh
with your hand.
278
00:10:43,603 --> 00:10:45,145
Now slap
the other thigh.
279
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,146
Grunt.
280
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,147
[ Grunts ]
281
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,029
That's good.
Now put it all together.
282
00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,861
Mm-hmm.
283
00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,362
Mm-hmm.
284
00:10:52,362 --> 00:10:53,904
[ Grunts ]
285
00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,906
Does all of this really
make the baby come faster?
286
00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,038
No, it just makes
you look like a sumo wrestler.
287
00:10:58,038 --> 00:10:59,409
[ Laughs ]
288
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,042
Mr. Kyle, that's not funny.
I'm miserable.
289
00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:04,044
Jay: come on.
290
00:11:04,044 --> 00:11:04,835
[ Grunts ]
291
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:05,836
[ Laughs ]
292
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:07,457
Hey, I have an idea.
293
00:11:07,457 --> 00:11:09,920
If you want to lure
a mouse out of a hole,
294
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,052
You lure him out
with cheese, right?
295
00:11:12,052 --> 00:11:14,054
We're talking about
a baby here, junior.
296
00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:16,296
Let me finish, sweetie.
Thank you.
297
00:11:16,296 --> 00:11:18,258
Now...
298
00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:20,560
If you want to lure
a baby out of a womb,
299
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,682
You lure him out
with something babies like --
300
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,854
Cookies.
301
00:11:23,854 --> 00:11:26,857
Ooh, what's that?
A chocolate-chip cookie?
302
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:28,478
Boy, that sure
looks good.
303
00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:31,071
If I was
a baby in a womb,
304
00:11:31,071 --> 00:11:32,863
I'd come out
for this little treat.
305
00:11:32,863 --> 00:11:34,905
Come on.
Come on, little one.
306
00:11:34,905 --> 00:11:37,197
Come on.
[ Laughs ]
307
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,579
What, you don't think
it'll work?
308
00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:40,580
Ooh!
309
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,122
It's gone!
310
00:11:42,122 --> 00:11:44,284
The baby must have came out
and snatched the cookie away.
311
00:11:44,284 --> 00:11:46,086
Your mother
ate the cookie.
312
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:49,089
Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
313
00:11:49,089 --> 00:11:50,921
I was kidding.
314
00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,003
Franklin:
hey, everybody.
315
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:56,006
I've come across an interesting
tidbit of information.
316
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,677
And what's that?
317
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,970
Well, there's this
italian restaurant
318
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,432
Called "mama bambini's,"
319
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:04,684
Where legend has it there
320
00:12:04,684 --> 00:12:07,107
That there's a meal
that induces labor.
321
00:12:07,107 --> 00:12:10,230
And what's that specialty,
fetus-cini?
322
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,852
Baby-hair pasta?
323
00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:13,403
[ Laughter ]
324
00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:15,275
Infant-celli.
325
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:18,278
Chicken and waffles!
[ Laughs ]
326
00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:21,161
Waffles!
327
00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:22,282
[ Laughs ]
328
00:12:22,282 --> 00:12:23,954
Chicken!
329
00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,455
[ Laughs ]
330
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:28,458
And! [ Laughs ]
331
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:29,459
Uh...
332
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:33,293
No.
333
00:12:35,926 --> 00:12:37,377
Well,
what are we waiting for?
334
00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:39,379
Lord knows we need
to get this baby born.
335
00:12:39,379 --> 00:12:40,801
Okay,
you know what?
336
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,682
I'll make reservations
for tonight.
337
00:12:44,684 --> 00:12:46,016
Chicken and waffles.
338
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:48,308
Boy, I ought to kick you
right off of that chair.
339
00:12:56,566 --> 00:12:58,158
Ooh.
[ Coughs ]
340
00:12:58,158 --> 00:13:00,610
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Okay, okay.
341
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,282
This ought to trap her.
342
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,115
Thanks for
the new perfume, mom.
343
00:13:05,115 --> 00:13:07,117
[ Imitating jay ]
oh, girl, you welcome.
344
00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:09,289
[ Normal voice ]
it smells great.
345
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,122
[ Imitates jay's laugh ]
346
00:13:12,122 --> 00:13:13,874
I'm gonna run
over to erika's.
347
00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,795
I'll be back in time to go
to dinner with you guys.
348
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,627
See you later!
349
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,270
[ Laughs evilly ]
350
00:13:35,195 --> 00:13:36,776
So how was
your embryo-ni?
351
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:39,649
Oh, it was
very placent-a.
352
00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:42,072
[ Laughs ] get it?
Placenta?
353
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,743
That's good.
354
00:13:43,743 --> 00:13:45,285
What about you,
franklin?
355
00:13:45,285 --> 00:13:46,947
You like
your surf-and-turf meal?
356
00:13:46,947 --> 00:13:48,328
The steak was pretty good,
357
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,160
But I'm not
too keen on fish,
358
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,452
So I didn't care
for the sea section.
359
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:54,124
The sea section!
360
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,086
Get it, c-section?
361
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,088
The meal you selected
was quite unusual.
362
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,549
Did you enjoy it?
363
00:13:59,549 --> 00:14:01,882
Yes, I did.
It appeased the odd in me.
364
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,803
Get it, episiotomy?
365
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:06,176
All right, all right.
We get it.
366
00:14:06,176 --> 00:14:08,428
Enough already.
367
00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:10,100
Oh, I know one thing.
368
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,933
Those hot peppers they put
in my dish have the baby
doing somersaults.
369
00:14:12,933 --> 00:14:15,185
Yeah, maybe it'll flip out
on the table.
370
00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:17,187
I wonder what's taking kady
so long in the bathroom.
371
00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:18,738
What did she do, fall in?
372
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,823
[ Chuckles ]
373
00:14:23,823 --> 00:14:25,615
The baby's not
flipping around anymore.
374
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,157
I don't think
it's gonna happen tonight.
375
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,868
Oh, be patient, sweetie.
It'll happen.
376
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,290
Aah!
377
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:31,751
Oh, lucky.
378
00:14:31,751 --> 00:14:34,294
Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
379
00:14:34,294 --> 00:14:35,335
Ooh.
380
00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:37,167
Jay:
what is that smell?
381
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,548
Mnh-mnh.
382
00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:39,920
Ooh!
383
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,301
Ah! Whoa!
384
00:14:41,301 --> 00:14:43,263
You stink
like a skunk.
What happened?
385
00:14:43,263 --> 00:14:44,504
I don't know.
386
00:14:44,504 --> 00:14:46,216
I'll tell you
what happened.
387
00:14:46,216 --> 00:14:48,058
I planted some skunk scent
in a perfume bottle,
388
00:14:48,058 --> 00:14:50,220
And "light fingers" mcguinness
over here stole it.
389
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:51,851
You said you wanted proof.
390
00:14:51,851 --> 00:14:53,313
Take a whiff.
391
00:14:53,313 --> 00:14:55,355
Oh, lord, have mercy.
You know what?
392
00:14:55,355 --> 00:14:57,477
I'm gonna have to scrub you
with tomato juice.
393
00:14:57,477 --> 00:14:58,939
Mnh-mnh.
394
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,650
And pine --
a pine tree.
395
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,283
Don't worry,
my little stinkweed,
396
00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:04,784
I still love you.
397
00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:06,076
Although...
398
00:15:06,076 --> 00:15:08,908
I do consider this
a test of our relationship.
399
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,200
[ Groans ]
400
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,242
I'm contracting!
401
00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:14,334
Oh, my god.
She's in labor.
Are you in labor?
402
00:15:14,334 --> 00:15:15,795
Aah!
403
00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:17,497
Yeah, I think that's a yes.
Do something.
404
00:15:17,497 --> 00:15:19,749
Hey, baby, I have
the magic feather.
405
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,301
Feel calm,
feel peace --
406
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:23,303
If you don't
get away from me
407
00:15:23,303 --> 00:15:25,045
With that
magic feather --
408
00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:26,096
Aah!
409
00:15:26,096 --> 00:15:27,547
Hey, hey, hey!
Like a man.
410
00:15:27,547 --> 00:15:29,349
Okay.
411
00:15:29,349 --> 00:15:31,261
You have
to stay calm.
Okay.
412
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,183
Now, let's get her home,
because time is critical.
413
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:34,554
Let's go!
414
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,728
What kind
of foolishness?
415
00:15:38,728 --> 00:15:41,901
Did --
did you forget something?
416
00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:43,733
Yeah, we forgot her.
Aah!
417
00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:45,445
Somebody,
do something!
418
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,987
I got the tatuti oil.
419
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,029
Get the tatuti oil.
Get the tatuti oil.
420
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:50,910
Get that damn tatuti oil
away from me!
421
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,332
Put it back!
Put it back!
422
00:15:52,332 --> 00:15:53,994
Listen, listen,
listen!
423
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,455
We're gonna
get you home,
424
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,127
And we're gonna
call summer, okay?
425
00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:59,079
To hell with summer!
Get me to the hospital!
426
00:15:59,079 --> 00:16:00,290
I want dru-u-gs!!
427
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:02,252
All right, come on,
let's go.
428
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,384
All right, just watch the tone
a little bit,
429
00:16:04,384 --> 00:16:06,086
'Cause you're a little bit
up there.
430
00:16:06,086 --> 00:16:08,048
You need to turn the volume
down on that.
431
00:16:09,679 --> 00:16:12,012
Jay: oh, my goodness.
Look at all these people.
432
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,264
Oh, we're gonna be
here forever!
433
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,855
What's going on,
guys?
434
00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:18,188
Ew, what is
that smell?!
435
00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:19,729
Excuse me,
excuse me.
436
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,311
Okay, who's next?
437
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:23,983
[ Sniffs ] ugh!
Did something die in here?
438
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,945
No, no.
It's just me.
439
00:16:25,945 --> 00:16:27,317
Actually, it's
an acquired odor.
440
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:29,569
It's like having your own fart
run around with you.
441
00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:32,282
But never mind her.
442
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,494
She's about to have
a baby any second.
443
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,705
Come on, hurry up.
444
00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:37,787
Sir, I've been doing this
for a long time.
445
00:16:37,787 --> 00:16:40,420
Just stand back and let me
handle my business, okay?
446
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,123
Yes, ma'am.
Now, only one person
go in there with her.
447
00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,624
That's you.
448
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:46,506
No, hey, come here.
What's wrong with you?
449
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,507
What?
450
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,389
I'm scared, daddy.
451
00:16:49,389 --> 00:16:50,970
Look,
it's okay to be scared,
452
00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:52,472
But this is gonna be
453
00:16:52,472 --> 00:16:54,224
The most wonderful moment
of your life.
454
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:55,845
Now, I want you
to go in there with vanessa,
455
00:16:55,845 --> 00:16:57,397
Hold her hand,
look her in the eye,
456
00:16:57,397 --> 00:16:59,099
And comfort her, okay?
457
00:16:59,099 --> 00:17:00,810
All right, I will.
458
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,852
Son, you're gonna
walk in there a boy,
459
00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:04,564
And you're gonna
come out a man.
460
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:06,276
I'm proud of you.
461
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,527
Thank you, dad.
462
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,409
Oh, one more thing.
463
00:17:09,409 --> 00:17:11,321
When she's giving birth,
whatever you do,
464
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,452
Don't look down.
465
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:14,454
Yeah, but --
don't get curious.
466
00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:15,575
I've --
467
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:17,537
Trust me.
You don't want...
468
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,538
Wha--
469
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,370
Hear what I'm saying.
470
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:21,711
But I --
471
00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:24,294
Don't...do it!
472
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,337
Okay.
No, okay.
473
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:31,551
He's gonna look.
474
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,474
Foof.
475
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:39,349
Kady, you stink.
476
00:17:42,142 --> 00:17:44,274
Vanessa,
what are you doing here?
477
00:17:44,274 --> 00:17:45,895
You still look pregnant.
478
00:17:45,895 --> 00:17:47,357
Don't say that.
479
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,529
It takes a while
to drop the weight, stupid.
480
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:51,691
It's okay.
I am still pregnant.
481
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,153
It was a false alarm.
482
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,364
Really?
483
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:56,496
Yeah, the doctor said
to go back home.
484
00:17:56,496 --> 00:17:57,907
I'm not ready yet.
485
00:17:57,907 --> 00:18:00,039
My water hasn't broken.
I'm not even dilated yet.
486
00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:02,252
How did he explain
all the pain you were in?
487
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:04,124
He said she had
toni braxton's hips.
488
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,465
What?
489
00:18:05,465 --> 00:18:08,047
No, he said I was having
braxton-hicks contractions.
490
00:18:08,047 --> 00:18:09,799
What's that?
491
00:18:09,799 --> 00:18:11,921
I believe
I can elaborate.
492
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:15,265
It's a false labor
first discovered in 1872
493
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:18,558
By british gynecologist
john braxton hicks.
494
00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:20,350
Well, thank you,
captain knowledge.
495
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,224
So what comes next?
496
00:18:24,224 --> 00:18:25,605
Well, in 1873,
497
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,938
Braxton hicks got run over
by a runaway horse cart.
498
00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:31,491
Ironically,
when he got the hospital,
499
00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:33,493
They thought
he was faking!
500
00:18:33,493 --> 00:18:34,734
[ Laughs ]
501
00:18:36,446 --> 00:18:39,078
You're gonna
leave me hanging?
502
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,620
Yeah.
503
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,832
I want to know
what happens next with vanessa.
504
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,504
I believe
I can answer that.
505
00:18:44,504 --> 00:18:46,206
We go home, and we wait.
Come on.
506
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:47,587
Oh, boy.
507
00:18:47,587 --> 00:18:49,209
Watch out for her.
508
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:52,131
Oh, she stinks.
Leave her in the hospital.
509
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,804
Maybe they can operate
some of that off of her.
510
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,562
[ Knock on door ]
511
00:19:02,562 --> 00:19:03,563
Hi, daddy.
512
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:05,144
Is it safe in here?
513
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,066
Did you get that skunk smell
off of you?
514
00:19:07,066 --> 00:19:09,399
Yeah, that
and three layers of skin.
515
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,030
I feel raw.
516
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,612
Well,
that's the price you pay
517
00:19:12,612 --> 00:19:14,484
For taking things
that aren't yours,
518
00:19:14,484 --> 00:19:16,826
Which, by the way,
is called "stealing."
519
00:19:16,826 --> 00:19:18,618
I wasn't stealing.
520
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,830
I was gonna
bring the things back.
521
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:23,082
I just wanted
to be like claire.
522
00:19:23,082 --> 00:19:25,044
What's wrong
with being like kady?
523
00:19:25,044 --> 00:19:27,126
Kady's just
a boring little kid,
524
00:19:27,126 --> 00:19:30,250
And claire's a beautiful girl
who gets lots of attention.
525
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,342
Look, claire
is 18 years old.
526
00:19:32,342 --> 00:19:34,964
That's why she can
wear lipstick and perfume.
527
00:19:34,964 --> 00:19:37,427
Before you know it,
it'll be your turn,
528
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:40,600
But for right now,
just enjoy being a kid.
529
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,012
Okay.
530
00:19:43,012 --> 00:19:44,724
You know,
I think it's really sweet
531
00:19:44,724 --> 00:19:46,185
That you
idolize your sister,
532
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,767
But you have
to learn to respect
533
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,269
Her right
to her property.
534
00:19:49,269 --> 00:19:50,570
I'm sorry.
535
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:53,233
I'll apologize to claire
in the morning.
536
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,364
Good.
537
00:19:54,364 --> 00:19:56,276
Now give me a kiss
and let me tuck you in.
538
00:19:56,276 --> 00:19:57,577
[ Smooches ]
539
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,820
Where's kady?
Where's kady?
540
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:01,951
[ Giggles ]
541
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,413
There she goes!
542
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:04,744
[ Giggles ]
543
00:20:04,744 --> 00:20:06,876
I'm gonna let you in
on a secret.
544
00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:09,249
Claire doesn't get
tucked in anymore.
545
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,750
She doesn't?
546
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,332
Nope.
547
00:20:12,332 --> 00:20:15,174
That's reserved especially
for my little baby girl, kady.
548
00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:16,386
[ Smooches ]
549
00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:17,837
I love you, daddy.
550
00:20:17,837 --> 00:20:19,759
I love you, too.
551
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,345
Jay, she's still got
that stink on her.
552
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:27,267
Hey!
553
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:32,652
Uh-oh.
What's wrong?
554
00:20:32,652 --> 00:20:34,904
I think it's time.
Time for what?
555
00:20:34,904 --> 00:20:36,486
[ Sarcastically ]
hammer time.
556
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,408
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
557
00:20:38,408 --> 00:20:40,199
Stop it! Stop!
558
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:41,281
It's time for the baby!
559
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:42,822
Oh. Baby time.
560
00:20:42,822 --> 00:20:44,664
Waa! Waa! Waa! Waa!
561
00:20:44,664 --> 00:20:47,367
Waa! Waa! Waa!
Feedin' time.
562
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,078
I'm being serious!
Come on!
563
00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:50,460
Oh! Okay, okay!
564
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:53,463
Breathe. Relax.
Breathe deeply.
565
00:20:53,463 --> 00:20:56,506
[ Breathing deeply ]
566
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:57,837
[ Belches ]
567
00:20:57,837 --> 00:20:59,429
Whoops.
568
00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:02,091
Sorry. False alarm.
569
00:21:02,091 --> 00:21:03,383
Then it is hammer time.
570
00:21:03,383 --> 00:21:04,884
♪ Doo doo doo,
dee dee dee ♪
571
00:21:04,884 --> 00:21:06,436
♪ Dee dee dee,
can't touch this ♪
572
00:21:06,436 --> 00:21:08,478
[ Humming ]
573
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:14,394
No, he said I was having
braxton-hicks contractions.
574
00:21:14,394 --> 00:21:16,526
What's that?
575
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:20,360
I believe I can elaborate.
576
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,322
Well, in 1872...
577
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,404
Uh...
578
00:21:24,404 --> 00:21:26,456
[ Laughter ]
39668
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