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1
00:00:01,582 --> 00:00:03,124
Last time
on my wife and kids...
2
00:00:03,124 --> 00:00:05,216
I really love being
a parent,
3
00:00:05,216 --> 00:00:08,549
But it's gonna be so wonderful
once they leave home.
4
00:00:08,549 --> 00:00:11,592
Which one of them are you
gonna miss the least?
5
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:15,226
[ Hip-hop music ]
6
00:00:15,226 --> 00:00:16,937
Claire and I have decided
to have sexual intercourse.
7
00:00:16,937 --> 00:00:18,399
You son of a--
8
00:00:18,399 --> 00:00:20,351
Michael!
9
00:00:20,351 --> 00:00:23,404
Daddy wants you to show
me exactly what you did
in that bathroom.
10
00:00:23,404 --> 00:00:26,107
No! No! Not--
11
00:00:26,107 --> 00:00:28,569
[ Celtic music playing ]
12
00:00:32,453 --> 00:00:35,206
What the hell is wrong
with this boy?!
13
00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:36,957
I've decided
to go to college.
14
00:00:36,957 --> 00:00:38,959
Jay: baby!
15
00:00:38,959 --> 00:00:41,582
And guess what? I've already
been accepted at two schools!
16
00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:43,464
Oh!
17
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:48,929
Yeah, well, there's
no question about it--
18
00:00:48,929 --> 00:00:51,132
Junior has given us
the most trouble.
19
00:00:51,132 --> 00:00:52,933
And the most laughs.
20
00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:54,555
The boy's got a good heart.
21
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,887
He got a hard-ass head,
though.
22
00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:58,729
Ow! Ow!
23
00:00:58,729 --> 00:01:00,060
Ow!
24
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,443
[ Whistling ]
25
00:01:02,443 --> 00:01:03,564
Ow!
26
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,775
[ Whistles ]
27
00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:06,817
Ow!
28
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,239
What was that for?
29
00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:10,070
I just like the way
that sounds.
30
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,822
[ Both laugh ]
31
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,655
Good times, good stuff.
32
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:16,457
Okay, so you're not
looking forward
33
00:01:16,457 --> 00:01:18,289
To having the house
to yourself.
34
00:01:18,289 --> 00:01:20,331
You think the kids are
gonna be here forever?
35
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:22,663
Uh...no.
36
00:01:22,663 --> 00:01:26,006
Michael, do you know how
often you say, "uh...no"?
37
00:01:26,006 --> 00:01:28,799
Uh...no.
Uh...no.
38
00:01:28,799 --> 00:01:31,011
Uh...no.
39
00:01:31,011 --> 00:01:33,674
Uh...
40
00:01:33,674 --> 00:01:35,095
No.
41
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,138
Uh...
42
00:01:38,809 --> 00:01:40,981
No!
43
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:43,354
Hold on.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
44
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,565
Uh...no.
45
00:01:44,565 --> 00:01:46,317
Hold this.
46
00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:48,028
Uh...no.
47
00:01:48,028 --> 00:01:49,400
[ Cell phone rings ]
48
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,401
Hello?
49
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:51,572
Uh...no.
50
00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:54,155
Uh...
51
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,156
No.
52
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,157
Uh...
Uh...
53
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,198
Uh...
Uh...
54
00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:58,199
Uh...
Uh...
55
00:01:58,199 --> 00:01:59,540
No.
No.
56
00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,041
Uh...
Uh-huh.
57
00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:02,453
Uh...
Well...
58
00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:04,375
Bring it, bring it,
bring it.
59
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:08,299
Uh...uh...uh...no.
60
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:12,423
Did you just say,
"uh...uh...
61
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,965
Bring it, bring it,
bring it.
62
00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:19,260
Uh...uh...uh...no"?
63
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,681
Uh...
64
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:24,395
Uh...uh...
65
00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,646
Uh...
66
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,569
Uh...uh...uh...
67
00:02:28,569 --> 00:02:34,034
Uh...uh...uh...uh...
Uh...uh...uh...uh...
68
00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:44,205
Uh...no.
69
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,337
[ Laughs ]
70
00:02:55,055 --> 00:02:58,639
Okay, so I have a minor
glitch--a verbal tick.
71
00:02:58,639 --> 00:02:59,760
What about you?
72
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,602
What about me?
73
00:03:01,602 --> 00:03:04,064
Oh, you have a couple
of flaws, too, now.
74
00:03:04,064 --> 00:03:05,806
Flaws? Like what?
75
00:03:05,806 --> 00:03:08,439
Well, first of all, you're
obsessed with your weight,
76
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:11,482
You're overly competitive,
you're moody, emotional,
77
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,904
And sometimes you break
into song and dance
78
00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:14,945
For no apparent reason.
79
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:17,908
Did you just call me fat?
80
00:03:17,908 --> 00:03:19,410
Who likes chocolate?
81
00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,621
Me, me, me, me!
82
00:03:20,621 --> 00:03:22,373
Mom, your diet!
Your diet!
83
00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:26,166
Aah! Aah!
84
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:27,288
I've missed you!
85
00:03:27,288 --> 00:03:30,461
Aah!
86
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,543
Sorry, baby.
You all right?
87
00:03:32,543 --> 00:03:35,676
Yeah, I'm cool.
I'm cool.
88
00:03:35,676 --> 00:03:40,100
Give me a big hug!
Give me a hug!
89
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:44,104
Oh, god!
I missed you so much!
90
00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:47,187
Come on.
91
00:03:52,313 --> 00:03:53,854
[ Both laughing ]
92
00:03:53,854 --> 00:03:55,526
Honey,
are you coming to bed?
93
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,157
I'm waiting for you.
94
00:03:57,157 --> 00:03:59,740
Oh, yeah, baby,
I'll be there in a minute.
95
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,532
You just keep my side warm.
96
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,915
I'll do better than that.
I'll make it hot.
97
00:04:08,128 --> 00:04:11,292
You lucky dog!
98
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,173
Honey...
99
00:04:15,716 --> 00:04:17,968
When you coming to bed?
100
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:20,971
Oh, in about an hour.
101
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:22,383
Sometimes, michael,
102
00:04:22,383 --> 00:04:25,225
You just got to grab them
by the shoulders,
103
00:04:25,225 --> 00:04:28,729
Look them lovingly in the eye,
then shake them real hard
104
00:04:28,729 --> 00:04:31,522
And say, "hey, you're acting
like a nut!"
105
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,984
I know I was right
about that stock.
106
00:04:33,984 --> 00:04:35,896
Every instinct in my body
107
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,488
Tells me they sold that stock
too soon.
108
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,660
You know the p/e ratio
on that stock?
109
00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:40,991
What's a p/e ratio?
110
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:43,904
Shut up!
You're just like him.
111
00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,786
You're bald and male.
112
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,247
Baby, I'm sorry.
113
00:04:47,247 --> 00:04:49,500
Oh, I bet you are sorry.
114
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,001
Oh, you're sorry, huh?
115
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:53,334
Sorry I'm here now
to cook and clean for you
116
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,466
And wait on you
hand and foot.
117
00:04:55,466 --> 00:04:58,549
I bet you're sorry, huh?
You happy about that, michael?
118
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:01,091
You happy?
You happy, michael, happy?
119
00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,473
Well, you know --
shut up!
120
00:05:02,473 --> 00:05:04,345
Will you stop
interrupting me?
121
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:07,057
I do not want your answers.
I don't want you to fix this.
122
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,019
I just want to yell
for a while!
123
00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:11,392
Is that all right
with you?
124
00:05:11,392 --> 00:05:16,066
I'm talking to you!
I don't know what to say!
125
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:19,029
[ Screaming ]
126
00:05:19,029 --> 00:05:21,992
Thanks, baby.
127
00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:25,285
Why am I eating this?
I don't want this.
128
00:05:25,285 --> 00:05:28,789
I set kady up 50 times--
50 times, baby.
129
00:05:28,789 --> 00:05:30,871
She couldn't get the ball
into the net once.
130
00:05:30,871 --> 00:05:32,543
Well, maybe you had
a good goalie.
131
00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:34,955
There was no goalie.
132
00:05:36,216 --> 00:05:38,048
Where should I put
this stuff, mom?
133
00:05:38,048 --> 00:05:39,380
"Where should I put
this stuff, mom?
134
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,091
Where should I
put this stuff, mom?"
135
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,133
Did you detangle your net?
Did you count your knee guards?
136
00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:46,096
Did you even wash your balls?
137
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,679
I think maybe you are pushing
the kids a little too hard.
138
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:49,930
Miss wiggins is right.
139
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,272
What, you taking sides now?
140
00:05:52,272 --> 00:05:53,604
No, I'm just saying--
141
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,476
What, you miss wiggins'
man now?
142
00:05:55,476 --> 00:05:57,738
You mr. Wiggins?
143
00:05:57,738 --> 00:05:59,069
No.
144
00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:01,321
What, you want to go home
with miss wiggins?
145
00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:04,154
All I'm saying is that this
insatiable drive to win
146
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:06,116
Is what's tearing apart
our society.
147
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,158
Come on.
Let's go outside.
148
00:06:08,158 --> 00:06:10,411
Let's take it outside.
Show me what you got.
149
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,832
I'm not looking for a fight,
but, you know--
150
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:12,913
Oh, well,
you done found one.
151
00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:14,044
She done found one.
152
00:06:14,044 --> 00:06:16,086
[ Gasps ]
153
00:06:16,086 --> 00:06:19,710
[ Crying ] oh, my baby!
154
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,261
Why are you crying again?
155
00:06:21,261 --> 00:06:23,263
This is the sixth dress
I've tried on.
156
00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:24,675
Every time I come out,
you burst into tears.
157
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:29,470
Oh, because, baby,
you look so beautiful.
158
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:32,853
You remind me of what I
would look like
159
00:06:32,853 --> 00:06:35,566
If I'd have gone
to my prom.
160
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,981
Hey, you're acting
like a nut!
161
00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:45,736
Whoo! That is my song!
162
00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:48,699
Yeah, baby!
Come on, let's boogie.
163
00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:51,742
All right, kids.
Everybody form a soul train.
164
00:06:51,742 --> 00:06:54,294
Oh, my god.
165
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:10,721
[ Whooping ]
166
00:07:25,325 --> 00:07:28,489
Two nonstudents are this year's
prom king and queen--
167
00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,911
Claire kyle's parents,
michael and jay.
168
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:33,163
[ Screaming ]
169
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,457
Prom queen!
170
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,580
Aah! We won!
171
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,381
I'm the queen!
172
00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:45,586
Oh! Oh, my god!
173
00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:47,217
Get out of my way!
It's my time to shine!
174
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,389
♪ Mustang sally ♪
175
00:07:49,389 --> 00:07:51,471
♪ Mustang sally ♪
176
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,974
♪ Ow! Uh-huh ♪
177
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,397
♪ Guess you'd better slow
your mustang down ♪
178
00:07:57,397 --> 00:07:59,059
♪ Slow it down,
slow it down ♪
179
00:07:59,059 --> 00:08:00,901
Kids, grammy deserves better.
180
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:02,232
Come on.
181
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,483
Get involved for grammy.
182
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,815
Come on, clap your hands.
183
00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:09,570
♪ Oh, mustang sally,
now, baby ♪
184
00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:15,075
♪ I guess you better slow
your mustang down, now ♪
185
00:08:15,075 --> 00:08:17,207
♪ Slow it down,
slow it down ♪
186
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:18,418
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
187
00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,120
No, michael.
188
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,292
We have to keep in mind
that he's still our baby.
189
00:08:22,292 --> 00:08:23,794
We can't be too rough
on him.
190
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:25,255
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
191
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,592
Mom, I love
this new lipstick.
192
00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:33,594
It's a great color for me,
don't you think?
193
00:08:33,594 --> 00:08:35,225
When a person becomes
self-absorbed
194
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:37,227
And overly concerned
with their appearance,
195
00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:38,599
It usually means they're
hiding something.
196
00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:40,641
It says so right here
in this book,
197
00:08:40,641 --> 00:08:41,942
That they really
hate themselves.
198
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,483
It's that self-loathing
199
00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:45,445
That leads to
destructive relationships,
200
00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:48,448
Depression, alcoholism, drug
abuse, and eventually suicide.
201
00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:50,320
But that is a pretty color
on you.
202
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:55,786
[ Crying ]
203
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,418
What?
I said it was pretty.
204
00:08:58,418 --> 00:09:02,422
"I take you, michael,
to be my wedded husband.
205
00:09:02,422 --> 00:09:07,377
"I promise to continue to love,
cherish, and honor you,
206
00:09:07,377 --> 00:09:11,972
"To keep and comfort you
in sickness and in health,
207
00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:17,888
For richer, for poorer,
till death do us part."
208
00:09:17,888 --> 00:09:21,441
[ Voice breaking ]
I'd like to add something, also.
209
00:09:21,441 --> 00:09:24,855
I'm still crazy about you
after all these years.
210
00:09:27,527 --> 00:09:29,359
With the power vested in me,
211
00:09:29,359 --> 00:09:33,403
I now pronounce you husband
and wife again.
212
00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:35,035
You may kiss the bride.
213
00:09:35,035 --> 00:09:37,327
Give me some sugar.
214
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,708
All right, all right.
I admit it.
215
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:50,761
I have my little faults,
but at least I'm not crazy.
216
00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:52,552
I never
said you was crazy.
217
00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:53,924
No, I'm
saying you're crazy.
218
00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:55,555
I'm crazy?
That's crazy.
219
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,638
No, michael, you're nutty.
220
00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,429
You're a nut job.
You're a wacko.
221
00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:02,222
Hey, hey, hey!
222
00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:06,356
What do you think?
223
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:09,690
[ Imitating
martin luther king, jr. ] I'm
sorry, ma'am, but I had a dream.
224
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,732
I dreamed that one day,
225
00:10:11,732 --> 00:10:14,534
All laundry would
be done together--
226
00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:18,118
Briefs and boxers,
cottons and polyesters.
227
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:22,162
I had a dream that one day
jock straps and g-strings
228
00:10:22,162 --> 00:10:25,585
Would tumble around
in the dryer of love.
229
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,627
[ Imitating bill clinton ]
I did not have sexual relations
230
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,299
With that woman.
231
00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:31,551
[ Imitating muhammad ali ]
I float like a butterfly.
232
00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:33,253
I smell like petunias.
233
00:10:33,253 --> 00:10:36,016
What till you see what I do
with the boy, junior.
234
00:10:36,016 --> 00:10:38,638
[ Imitating sammy davis jr. ]
Here, hold this for me, cats.
235
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,721
You know, it's kind of
like don king.
236
00:10:40,721 --> 00:10:43,103
We think he's full of it,
but he does it with such
237
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:45,435
[Imitating don king]
prodigious fortitude
238
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:47,647
That you have to appreciate
his stylography.
239
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,320
O-tay.
240
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,193
[ Imitating bill cosby ]
what do you mean "was funny"?
241
00:10:53,193 --> 00:10:57,868
Cosby is funny because he's
[babbling indistinctly]
242
00:10:57,868 --> 00:10:59,579
[ Imitating vito corleone ]
this is the first time
243
00:10:59,579 --> 00:11:01,241
You come over to my house.
244
00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:04,875
You don't
bring a cup of coffee.
245
00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:06,997
You don't show no respect.
246
00:11:06,997 --> 00:11:11,631
You don't even say,
"hi, godfather."
247
00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:13,884
♪ You're my fire ♪
248
00:11:13,884 --> 00:11:16,636
♪ My one desire ♪
249
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:18,468
Hee hee hee!
250
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:20,971
Ow!
251
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,063
[ Jimi hendrix's
"purple haze" plays ]
252
00:11:47,497 --> 00:11:49,459
Now, that's rock 'n' roll.
253
00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:54,214
Jay: michael!
254
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:58,718
Ding ding
ding ding.
255
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,551
Someone report a fire,
ma'am?
256
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:05,265
No.
No, I did not.
257
00:12:05,265 --> 00:12:07,307
You're right.
There's no fire around here.
258
00:12:07,307 --> 00:12:11,111
It must be you,
hot stuff.
259
00:12:11,111 --> 00:12:12,813
Okay--
260
00:12:12,813 --> 00:12:16,947
[ Upbeat music ]
261
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:24,955
♪ ♪
262
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:30,791
Work it, baby!
Work it, baby!
263
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,752
Aah!
264
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,134
What's going on there?
265
00:12:34,134 --> 00:12:36,086
You noticed, right?
266
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:37,587
I couldn't help
but notice.
267
00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:38,969
Last time I saw you,
you was balder than me.
268
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:41,141
That's funny.
That's a great rug.
269
00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:44,144
Uh, excuse me?
No rug here, mike.
270
00:12:44,144 --> 00:12:46,386
What is it, a weave?
Come again?
271
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:48,809
You get plugs?
Can't hear you.
272
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,100
[ Laughs ]
273
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,692
It's all--
aah!
274
00:12:52,692 --> 00:12:53,984
Unh-unh.
275
00:12:53,984 --> 00:12:56,196
I'm just trying to touch it.
276
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,610
Come on, you can't--
aah!
277
00:13:04,865 --> 00:13:07,617
Can I --
aah!
278
00:13:07,617 --> 00:13:10,290
Look, sweetheart, I'm just
trying to be a nice man.
279
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,963
That's my little girl's
doll you have.
280
00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:15,585
Haven't you ever heard
of finders, keepers?
281
00:13:15,585 --> 00:13:18,839
Finders, keepers.
But you know what?
282
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,382
I'll give you a whole $5
for that doll.
283
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,514
$5?
Yeah.
284
00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:26,136
I bet it's worth $100.
285
00:13:26,136 --> 00:13:28,308
$100?
286
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:32,272
You certainly drive a hard
bargain there, carrot top.
287
00:13:32,272 --> 00:13:37,777
Let me just look down here
and find a $100.
288
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:40,200
That man stole my dolly!
289
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,362
Go! Run! Run!
290
00:13:42,362 --> 00:13:43,493
Run!
291
00:13:43,493 --> 00:13:47,537
Aah!
That man stole my dolly!
292
00:13:47,537 --> 00:13:48,828
Hey, pop.
293
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,250
Don't "hey, pop" me.
I'll pop you.
294
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,331
What's wrong?
295
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,662
I'll tell you what's wrong.
296
00:13:52,662 --> 00:13:54,044
You left me stranded at
the eye doctor.
297
00:13:54,044 --> 00:13:55,545
I had to take a cab home.
298
00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:57,337
I don't even know
how much I tipped the guy.
299
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,378
Okay, I know you're angry.
300
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:00,050
Hell, yeah, I'm angry.
301
00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:02,762
I'll tell you why I'm angry.
I'm mad as hell!
302
00:14:02,762 --> 00:14:04,514
But technically,
I'm in the right.
303
00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:06,306
Oh, yeah?
304
00:14:06,306 --> 00:14:10,350
Well, why don't you explain to
me how you can be in the right?
305
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,351
Take a little taste.
306
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,973
Thank you, michael.
307
00:14:12,973 --> 00:14:14,024
Oh, you're so good to me.
308
00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:15,645
Don't tell my chubby buddy.
309
00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:18,278
I ain't gonna tell
the chubby buddy.
310
00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:21,531
I'm sorry.
311
00:14:21,531 --> 00:14:24,154
Jay. I slipped.
312
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,656
Oh-ho.
313
00:14:26,656 --> 00:14:28,538
I slipped.
Oh, it's funny?
314
00:14:28,538 --> 00:14:31,201
Yeah, get him.
See, he's laughing at you.
315
00:14:34,414 --> 00:14:35,795
Ma, look at this.
316
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,960
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
317
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,381
Y'all got to get the baby.
318
00:14:47,007 --> 00:14:48,558
You are unbelievable.
319
00:14:48,558 --> 00:14:49,930
You've actually
convinced yourself
320
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,601
That you can play the piano.
321
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,313
Come on.
You know I can play.
322
00:14:53,313 --> 00:14:55,315
No, you can't.
You can't do it.
323
00:14:59,319 --> 00:15:03,783
♪ Three in the "c"
of key ♪
324
00:15:03,783 --> 00:15:07,737
♪ Three blind mice ♪
325
00:15:07,737 --> 00:15:09,079
♪ They're blind ♪
326
00:15:09,079 --> 00:15:12,832
♪ Three, three blind mice ♪
327
00:15:12,832 --> 00:15:14,704
♪ Three blind mice,
three blind mice ♪
328
00:15:14,704 --> 00:15:16,916
♪ There's two, not three ♪
329
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,838
[ Hitting random keys ]
330
00:15:18,838 --> 00:15:21,711
♪ Five and five
and a seven is two ♪
331
00:15:21,711 --> 00:15:26,346
♪ One and three
to the 8-2-3 is three ♪
332
00:15:26,346 --> 00:15:29,509
♪ Blind mice ♪
333
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:34,554
♪ Or meeces ♪
334
00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:37,978
[ Squeaks ]
[ screaming ]
335
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,455
No! No!
336
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,877
I mean, damn it got away.
337
00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:04,754
What kind of drugs are
you guys giving me?
338
00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:09,469
Oh, dr. Rawls
only uses one drug.
339
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,551
[ "You'll never find another
love like mine" plays ]
340
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:13,263
Love.
341
00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:26,946
♪ You'll never find ♪
342
00:16:26,946 --> 00:16:31,161
♪ As long as you live ♪
343
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:34,534
♪ Someone who loves you ♪
344
00:16:34,534 --> 00:16:37,537
♪ Tender like I do ♪
345
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,083
♪ You'll never find ♪
346
00:16:44,544 --> 00:16:48,718
♪ No matter
where you search ♪
347
00:16:48,718 --> 00:16:51,931
♪ Someone who cares
about you ♪
348
00:16:51,931 --> 00:16:56,846
♪ The way I do ♪
349
00:16:56,846 --> 00:17:01,521
♪ Whoa, I'm not braggin'
on myself, baby ♪
350
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,943
♪ But I'm the one
who loves you ♪
351
00:17:03,943 --> 00:17:06,526
♪ And there's no one else ♪
352
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,358
♪ No-o-o-o-o-o ♪
353
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:20,370
Oh, my baby.
Come here, boo boo.
354
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:22,082
Ohh.
It's a painful memory.
355
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,713
I know, I know.
356
00:17:23,713 --> 00:17:26,045
Okay, so none of us
are perfect.
357
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,877
Yeah, you're right.
Who is?
358
00:17:27,877 --> 00:17:28,928
You are so right.
359
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:30,300
Oh, man.
360
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,093
Michael...
Yeah, baby?
361
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,635
I don't want to live in
an empty nest anymore.
362
00:17:35,635 --> 00:17:38,308
Me neither.
It's too damn quiet.
363
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,019
Yeah, it is.
364
00:17:40,019 --> 00:17:42,982
What do you say we go upstairs
and make some noise?
365
00:17:42,982 --> 00:17:44,604
Mmm. Okay.
366
00:17:44,604 --> 00:17:46,356
Well, give me
a 5-minute head start,
367
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:47,817
And I'll put on something
that's easy to take off.
368
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,280
[ Chuckles ]
369
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,879
Junior: good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
370
00:18:09,879 --> 00:18:12,212
And welcome to our father
of the year ceremony.
371
00:18:12,212 --> 00:18:14,844
Tonight we pay tribute
to a very special man,
372
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,307
My father, mr. Michael kyle.
373
00:18:17,307 --> 00:18:21,020
Dad, I want you to know that I'm
proud and privileged
374
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:22,852
To be the namesake
of the man I most admire
375
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,644
And respect in this world.
376
00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:27,607
And you're always there for me
with love and good counsel,
377
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,279
No matter
how badly I mess up.
378
00:18:29,279 --> 00:18:31,821
And I do mess up badly
sometimes,
379
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:34,033
Like the time I put glue
on your toilet seat
380
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,735
Or the time
I got the cat drunk
381
00:18:35,735 --> 00:18:38,158
Or the time I glued the cat
to the toilet seat.
382
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:40,660
Come on, boy.
383
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,242
Seriously, I would
consider myself lucky
384
00:18:42,242 --> 00:18:44,374
To be even
half the man you are.
385
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,707
You're not only my dad,
but you're my hero.
386
00:18:47,707 --> 00:18:50,089
Thank you, son.
I'm touched.
387
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:53,052
Dad, I may not be
the deepest girl on earth,
388
00:18:53,052 --> 00:18:55,595
But I'm deep enough to know when
someone makes me look good.
389
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:57,427
And I know
I may seem selfish,
390
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,809
But I know there's
nothing in the world
391
00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:01,641
You wouldn't do
to make me happy.
392
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,315
I appreciate you, dad,
because you appreciate me.
393
00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:06,896
Thank you.
394
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,978
That was very sweet, claire.
395
00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:12,272
Daddy, you always make me
feel like a princess.
396
00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:13,983
And like I've always said,
397
00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:17,197
When I grow up,
I'm gonna marry you.
398
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,948
I love you, daddy.
399
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:22,782
I love you, too, munchkin.
400
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:27,166
Michael, remember back in
the day when we were struggling?
401
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,168
Sometimes
we didn't even know
402
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,250
Where our next meal
was gonna come from,
403
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,881
But I never panicked
404
00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:34,003
Because you always said things
were gonna work out,
405
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:36,216
And they always did.
406
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:40,179
I had faith in you since the day
you quit your fast-food job,
407
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,893
Rented your first truck,
and started your own business.
408
00:19:43,893 --> 00:19:47,106
Claire was born in
the back of that truck.
409
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:50,730
It was tough, but we also
had some good times.
410
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:54,904
My point is, we may not always
show you how we appreciate you,
411
00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:57,657
But, baby, we really do
appreciate you.
412
00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:59,529
And I just
wanted to say thank you.
413
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:02,282
Thank you for choosing
to share this journey with me.
414
00:20:02,282 --> 00:20:05,745
You're not only
the man of the year...
415
00:20:05,745 --> 00:20:08,418
[ Voice breaking ]
you're the man of my life.
416
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,382
Junior: and on behalf
of all of us,
417
00:20:12,382 --> 00:20:16,215
We'd like to present the award
for father of the year
418
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,387
To mr. Michael kyle.
419
00:20:17,387 --> 00:20:19,138
Come on, dad.
420
00:20:19,138 --> 00:20:21,641
All: speech, speech,
speech, speech.
421
00:20:31,611 --> 00:20:36,195
Friends, romans, countrymen...
422
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:38,278
No, seriously,
423
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:42,742
This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
424
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,365
I want to thank you guys
for reminding me
425
00:20:45,365 --> 00:20:48,167
What's really important
in my life--
426
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:50,830
That's the love and respect
of my wife and kids.
427
00:20:52,712 --> 00:20:54,334
I love all of you.
428
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:56,175
All: we love you, too.
429
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:24,404
Michael, be careful, baby.
Michael!
430
00:21:24,404 --> 00:21:26,786
Babe, babe, babe!
431
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,668
Oh!
432
00:21:28,668 --> 00:21:32,752
I gotta get the hang
of this little rascal.
433
00:21:32,752 --> 00:21:34,293
Ugh!
434
00:21:36,085 --> 00:21:37,296
Dad, do you need help?
435
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,550
Mm-hmm.
30158
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