Original subtitles

[ Jazz music plays ]

[ Applause ]

Oh, man, I love jazz. It's so sexy.

Yeah.

That saxophone player is good, too.

He reminds me of a guy I went to school with

Named johnny "saxophone" jackson.

Wait a minute. That is johnny.

Jay: you know him?

We studied music together with b.b. King.

The b.b. King?

You know bill bernard king too?

Shut up, michael.

Seriously. We were in music class together.

Mr. King used to always say, of the two of us,

I had the more natural ability.

So we see who did more of the practicing.

It ain't about practice, baby.

Jazz is not practice. That's technicians.

Me, I'm interpretive. I'm just jazz.

[ Scatting ]

Babe.

Babe!

I've heard you play the piano.

You're horrible.

You're terrible.

You know what?

All great musicians in the jazz arena

Have been misunderstood.

You know why they call "bird" bird?

Because they thought he was crapping all over the music.

[ Scatting ]

Hey, johnny, what's shaking, baby?

It's always nice to meet a fan.

Who should I make this out to?

I'm not a fan. You don't remember this face?

Sorry, I don't.

Come on. All right, take a good look.

Picture me with a big afro, bifocals, and acne.

Clubfoot. Clubfoot.

Clubfoot kyle!

Big shoe!

Man, I remember that thing was so heavy,

You used to stay on the note longer than anybody.

I think four minutes was the record.

But look at you.

You're just doing your thing, man.

It's been a long time since mr. King's class.

And I always thought it was gonna be you.

Yeah, well, so did everybody.

Did you stop playing?

Oh, no, no, no.

I still dabble.

I wake up in the middle of the night.

I'm inspired, you know?

Wrote a song called "hardness at one."

You know what I mean?

I just can't get this music monkey off my back.

I could probably still play you under the table.

Really? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Got the whole studio at the house, the whole setup.

Just converted a whole room studio.

But you got a straight job, right?

Yeah.

Well, you know, I got the kids

And the wife and the mortgage and stuff.

Responsibilities, man.

Plus, my music's always been very eclectic and irreverent.

I was on that gil scott-heron type level.

I remember the fbi was tapping my phone at one point.

Cia would come up, show up, take pictures and stuff.

Irs, they came and tried to take my piano.

They only got the keys, though.

Didn't stop me. Can't stop the music.

I got inside the piano and played the harp.

You know, just doing it, man.

I couldn't do the sellout thing.

I didn't want to be the sellout musician.

Is that a fact?

Well, I guess we'll never really know then, will we?

Yeah, I guess we never will.

But listen, man.

I would love to invite you over

For a home-cooked meal thursday night.

That sounds great. It's a date.

All right. It's great seeing you, man.

Yeah, you too.

You gotta excuse me.

I believe there's a piece of business calling my name.

You know what I'm saying?

You lucky dog. Go ahead with that business.

You go enjoy your wife.

[ Laughs ] all right.

[ Laughs ]

So how about that, huh?

Did he remember you?

Baby, he went on and on and on

About me being the best piano player he ever heard.

Was he high?

What that got to do --

I just want to know if the man had his facilities.

He had all his facilities.

He knows a jazz disciple when he sees one.

The spirit talks.

All right.

You just don't understand the language.

I'm gonna show you something.

This is jazz at its best.

Excuse me, waitress.

[ Scatting ]

On the rocks? Yes, please.

I'll order you one, too.

[ Scatting ]

With salt. Gotcha.

[ Scatting ]

Okay, I'll bring you chips, too.

See, that's the language of jazz.

♪ Ooh, your kisses ♪

♪ Sweeter than honey ♪

♪ Guess what? ♪

♪ So is my money ♪

♪ All I'm askin' is for a little respect ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Hey, baby ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Respect ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Take care of t.c.b. ♪

[ Flatly ] ♪ sock it to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me ♪

Okay, guys, that was great.

We'll rehearse tomorrow at the same time.

What's wrong, my love?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

I'm sick and tired of saying,

"Sock it to me, sock it to me,

Sock it to me, sock it to me."

But you do it so well.

Oh, save it, franklin.

I'm sick and tired of you trying to placate me.

Very nice use of the word "placate."

You've been using that word calendar I gave you.

Yeah, and I'm gonna hit you on top of the head with it,

Or should I say

I'm gonna impact your cranial orbit with it?

Listen, franklin aloysius mumford.

You're the bandleader, so you've gotta make a choice.

You can either have aretha or you can have me.

Egads, what a dilemma.

And so I ask him,

"Mr. Berry, what kind of music are we gonna play?"

He looked at me and said,

"I think we'll play some chuck berry music."

[ Jay cackling ]

All right. It wasn't that funny.

Oh, michael, it was berry funny!

[ Cackles ]

Anyway...

So you really played with chuck berry?

Oh, yeah.

I played with all the greats.

Wow! Have you played with britney spears?

No. 50 Cent?

No.

B2k?

B2k? Never heard of them.

[ Laughs ]

Then you haven't played with anybody great.

That's not true.

He's played with the great musicians.

Why don't the adults go out to the living room

And have some coffee

While the children can stay here and clean up.

Aw, but we want to hear some more great stories

About people we've never heard of.

[ Mocking ] no, you're gonna sit here

And do exactly what I say.

You clear, you wash, you dry. Let's go.

You guys go ahead. I'll get the coffee.

Hey, man.

Let me hear you play something.

Oh, no. I got a whole warm-up routine.

I gotta do push-ups and sit-ups.

I gotta do squat thrusts.

No, you don't.

Yeah. That's how I warm up.

It's like riding a bike.

I was never good on the bike

Because my clubfoot used to get stuck in the chain.

I be riding like this forever.

Sparks shooting off the shoes...

You told me that you kept your hands in,

Said you dibble, you dabble --

Well, I do. I dibble and dabble.

I'm a dibbling, dabbling type of guy.

But...

Look. Walnuts. Look at this here.

I didn't even know they was in season.

Have a walnut.

No, thanks, man.

[ Cellphone rings ] hey, excuse me.

Yeah?

Oh, that's too bad.

But where am I gonna find somebody --

Hey, never mind.

I think I've found somebody.

Great news, mike. My piano player's sick.

And sunday night, you are gonna fill in for him.

You did what?

I told johnny that I would sit in

And play piano on sunday night.

Aren't you overestimating your ability a little bit?

I got three days, jay.

I could pull something together by sunday.

Oh, my... You are unbelievable.

You have actually convinced yourself

That you can play the piano.

Come on. You know I can play.

No, you can't! You can't do it!

Did you...just say that I can't do it?

Um...what?

That's what I just heard.

I just heard you say "you can't do it."

When? Up there? Right there.

You said I can't. I heard "can't."

No, no, no. What'd you say?

What I -- yeah.

I was saying that

You're not gonna be able to do it that day,

'Cause sunday --

You're saying I can't do it.

Not only am I gonna do it,

But I'm gonna do it better than you've ever seen it done.

Okay. You know what, michael?

Fine, then play the piano.

I don't feel like it right now

'Cause I've gotta warm up...

Play me a little something.

And...these.

No, no, no. Play "three blind mice."

That's all I'm asking. Let's go.

Hey, look. Walnuts.

I didn't even know these was in season.

Forget the walnuts and play the piano,

Since you can play.

What'd you say you want to hear again?

"Three blind mice."

Okay. Let me just...

One, two --

Just play the damn piano!

It was "three blind mice," right?

Yes.

♪ Three, three ♪

♪ Three in the "c" of key ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ They're blind ♪

♪ Three, three blind mice ♪

♪ Three blind mice, three blind mice ♪

♪ There's two, not three ♪

[ Hitting random keys ]

♪ Five and five and a seven is two ♪

♪ One and three to the 8-2-3 is three ♪

♪ Blind mice ♪

♪ Or mices ♪

What'd you think?

I think that...

That didn't sound anything like "three blind mice,"

Unless they were walking on the keys, michael.

Jay, that's jazz. That's jazz.

Jazz? No!

No, babe, that was noise.

What I did was interpret the mice's pain

And I put it through my own filter,

And I became the mice.

I was blind.

That's why it made so much sound like that.

I was missing some keys,

'Cause I was blind like the mice,

But I was blind three times.

Michael. What?

Listen to me, okay?

I have dedicated my life to you.

I know. I love you.

I love you, too.

And I want you to believe me when I say this, baby.

Okay.

Really. You listening?

You can't play the piano!

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Ah, frank and beans.

[ Sarcastically ] that never gets old.

Mr. Kyle, I have a problem.

Yeah, well, so do i.

I tell you what, you help me with mine,

And I'll help you with yours.

Deal. I'll go first.

Okay.

Here's the situation.

As you know, kady sings backup to my sister, aretha,

In our band,

And now she wants to sing lead.

Ooh, that's a sticky situation.

You have no idea.

Anyway, kady's presented me with an ultimatum.

She says either aretha goes, or I lose my girlfriend.

Boy, don't you hate

When they put you in an intractable position?

You've been using my word calendar.

That's very perspicacious of you.

L, m, n, o...

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. So what should I do?

Well, as you get older,

You'll learn that in relationships,

It's better to stick with your woman.

So, in other words, you have to dump your sister.

That I can do.

Now, how can I be of service to you?

Well, I need to learn to play the piano in 24 hours.

[ Laughs ]

You're such a card!

24 Hours? That's hysterical!

Oh!

[ Laughs ]

You can't be serious.

Actually, I'm very serious.

It's not like I can't play at all.

Here, listen.

Tell me what you think of this.

I'm working on this little thing here.

Okay.

♪ Three ♪ wait.

Three in the "c" of key.

♪ Three, yeah ♪

♪ Three blind mice, yeah ♪

♪ Three blind mice, yeah ♪

♪ See how they run ♪

♪ Where you going? You're blind ♪

♪ Come back, mouse ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ You're not even in a habitat ♪

♪ You're out of your rat-a-tat ♪

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ Or mices ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

So, what did you think?

Oh, look. Walnuts. Are these in season?

You mean that wasn't good?

It would be more musical to hear a piano

Fall down a flight of stairs.

Really?

And land on a cat.

That bad?

A tone-deaf cat.

Egads!

I really can't play.

It's okay.

It's not like you have to perform in public.

Well, actually, I do.

I told jay and the kids to come down and watch me sit in

With johnny "saxophone" jackson tomorrow night.

The johnny "saxophone" jackson?

I have his original recording of "clubfoot blues."

You know, he stole that from me.

That guy is great!

He's a legend!

You couldn't possibly play with saxophone jackson.

No?

You couldn't even play with tito jackson.

So, what am I gonna do?

Well, there is one way.

But I have to warn you.

It's really, really weird.

What's happening?

Franklin: mr. Kyle, it's hot in here.

Look.

Be quiet, all right? It'll be over in a minute.

This is ridiculous. It'll never work.

But it was your idea.

Yeah, but I was high on walnuts.

Look, everything's gonna be fine.

Just stick to the plan.

Hey, man.

Hey. What's going on?

Good lord, man! What happened to you?

Yeah, I know. I know.

You look like professor klump.

Bee sting.

Bee sting?

Venom all through my system.

I didn't know a bee sting

Could make you swell up like that.

Oh, yeah. That and too much salt.

I had sodium, some soy sauce, and salt.

That's just really bad.

Well, as long as you can play the piano.

Oh, there ain't nothing wrong with the fingers, man.

They're moving fine. I'm gonna dazzle you tonight.

All right. We'll see about that.

All right.

We're gonna open with "clubfoot blues."

You know that one?

I lived it.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

I'm johnny jackson.

[ Applause ]

Anthony wilson on guitar.

Lynn wuliver on bass.

Mr. Grady "fathead" washington on the drums.

And, ladies and gentlemen, on piano, a very special guest.

Put your hands together and make him feel real welcome.

My good friend, mr. Michael "clubfoot" kyle.

[ Applause ]

Clubfoot's in the club!

What happened?

Bee sting.

[ Buzzes ]

Two, three.

[ Jazz music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

All right, guys.

Hey, fathead, nice playing with you, man.

Drummers.

And bass players and sax players

And guitar players.

I'm sorry about ruining your show in there.

You're damn right you did.

It's a good thing the kid could finish out the set, man.

I'm really embarrassed.

I can imagine.

And the worst part is yet to come.

That's the part when you admit

That I am a better musician.

Well, you know... Y-y-y-you know, um..

Come on.

[ Mumbling ] you do your thing.

I didn't understand you. What's that?

I said... [ Scatting ]

No, no, no.

No, no, no. In english, not in jazz.

Okay.

You, johnny "saxophone" jackson,

Are a better musician than me.

There. I said it.

But I got something going on, too.

I got a beautiful family out there.

Yes, you do, man. And I envy you.

I wish that I could be with the same woman,

Night after night,

For the rest of my life,

Instead of all these beautiful young, uninhibited girls

Just waiting to drain my man essence.

Congratulations.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

All right, baby.

Hey...

All right, man.

On the flip side.

Gotta go.

Gonna get my man essence drained.

[ Doorbell rings ]

What's up?

Kady, I've been thinking about this long and hard.

And as the bandleader,

I have to do what's right for the band,

No matter how torturous or...

Arduous?

Yeah, we can go with that.

Arduous it may be.

I've been thinking, too.

Silence!

I'm the bandleader,

And the leader of this band

Says aretha will remain lead singer.

Well, aren't you going to impact my cranial orbit?

No, you little fool.

I felt horrible when you left here

With that decision hanging over your head,

Leaving you in such a quandary.

Kady kyle, I'm incredibly stimulated by your verbiage.

Shut up and let me finish.

I wanted to tell you that I respect your decision,

And I'm just not good enough to sing lead.

Of course you are.

Your voice is so angelic.

You're not helping me

By telling me I'm good when I'm bad.

I don't want to be another clubfoot kyle.

I concur.

Let's practice.

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Take care of t.c.b. ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me ♪

The johnny "saxophone" jackson?

I have his original recording of...

"Clubfoot blues."

Do the saxophone jackson clubfoot thing again.

I have his original recording of...

"Clubfoot blues."

[ Laughs ]