Original subtitles

[ Sighs ] boy, I'm exhausted, dad.

Not me -- I feel great!

You don't look tired at all. How do you do it?

Well, I have this little thing I do down at work.

See, when I see something heavy, I say,

"Hey, junior, pick that up."

[ Chuckles ] if I do that all day,

Guess who's gonna be tired at the end of the day?

Ooh, that's a tricky question, dad.

I'm lifting, you talking. But I'm listening --

It's you!

I knew that! I was gonna say that!

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Hey, hey, son, don't do that to yourself.

Okay. Let me do it. You stupid!

[ Laughs ]

Ow!

Hey, dad, you know what?

I know I have a lot to learn,

But I've really enjoyed working

And I think the guys like me, too.

You know what? I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

I don't want you getting too close to those guys.

I don't do that.

Didn't I see you sitting on larry's lap today?

That? Oh, dad, we were just playing santa.

And you know what? I've been a good boy, too.

[ Laughs ] you know what?

If he starts talking about going in the chimney,

You better watch out.

Right. Right.

Now listen...

One day you will take over the business,

And then you'll be the boss.

And you want those men not only to respect you, but to fear you.

In fact, you want them so afraid that when you enter a room,

They jump out their seats to greet you. Jay: I'm home.

Hello, dear, how are you?

Great. You may be seated.

Thank you.

So, what you guys talking about?

Dad was just telling me how a real boss should be feared.

Oh.

At work. Just at work, honey.

No, go ahead, michael.

As your employee,

I'm very interested in hearing about all this.

Go ahead, continue.

Well, at work... Uh-huh.

...a boss should not be friends with his employees.

[ High-pitched laugh ]

Did you just...

[ Imitates high-pitched laugh ] ...me?

Yes, I did, michael.

It's ridiculous, that the boss can't be friends

With his employees.

You should respect all people.

As a matter of fact,

You should treat your employees like family.

[ High-pitched laugh ]

You know what? I should treat family like employees.

There's a couple that I'd like to get rid of, like uncle jimmy.

I'd love to sit him down and go,

"Uncle jimmy, the flatulence thing? It's not working.

"Okay?

"You either see an internist,

Or you get the hell out of my life."

That is just idiotic, michael.

No, you're entitled to your opinion here, okay?

But down at kyle trucking, I'm running things.

I'm the boss, jay.

The big kahuna. The big cheese.

My word is the last word.

That is a bunch of macho, alpha-dog crap.

[ Laughs ]

Mommy said "crap," daddy! [ Laughing ]

[ Claire screams ]

What happened?

It's not my fault. Yes, it is.

You don't know what happened. It doesn't matter.

When a kid says "it's not my fault,"

That's like a signed confession.

Claire, what happened to you?

Kady left her skateboard at the foot of the stairs, and I tripped on it.

Yeah, but it's not my fault.

That's where I was riding it -- down the stairs.

Oh, it just looks sprained.

I'm gonna go get you some ice.

You're gonna have to stay off your feet for a few days.

But I've got things to do!

Don't worry -- you now have a new assistant

Who will do all those things for you, and her name is kady.

Hey, that's not fair!

Yes, it is.

You have to do whatever claire tells you to do.

What?!

Hmm, I like this.

I shall call you kunta kady.

Now, run upstairs and fetch me my cellphone.

I need to make a phone call.

[ Screams ]

You heard missy claire!

Now you run and go on, get!

[ Knock on door ]

Your cash flow projections, mr. Kyle.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

No, thank you, mr. Kyle.

What's with the "mr. Kyle" routine?

Oh, I just don't want to be too familiar

At the office with you,

Because, after all, it breeds contempt.

Let's explore that phrase, okay?

"Familiar" is taken from the latin word meaning "family,"

I.e., Your husband.

Hmm...

"Breeding" -- that means "sex."

"Contempt" is "angry."

So, in other words,

"Let's have angry sex here in the office."

Now, why don't you cut out the lights,

And let's get to breeding.

Uh...

No?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm so sorry, mr. Kyle,

But as your employee, we can't be intimate with each other.

Even though my loins ache for you, I'm just your employee.

Okay, then y-y-you're fired!

But, if you play your cards right,

You can have your job back in three minutes.

[ Laughs ] that's not gonna happen.

Two minutes.

No.

30 Seconds?

Not gonna happen.

Then get me some coffee! What?!

That's right. That's not gonna happen, either!

That's not in my job description!

Oh, well, looky here, looky here.

And what is this? Your new job description.

You are the accountant-slash- coffee getter.

Now go get my coffee, girl!

Fine. How would you like it?

In your lap, or in your face?

If you would've asked me that before,

We wouldn't be having this conversation.

[ Sighs ]

Dad, I've got a problem.

What's your problem? I'm the problem solver.

You know how you told me to be more assertive

And less of a friend to the employees? Yes.

I took your advice about larry.

I told him to check the registrations in the trucks

And make sure they were up-to-date. Good!

I was respectful, yet firm.

Okay, so, how did larry react?

He burst into tears,

Ran into the lounge, and locked himself in.

See, this is what happens when you become friends

With the employees, okay?

They try to manipulate you with emotions.

Now, you come with me.

I'm gonna show you how to handle a crybaby.

All right.

[ Sobbing ]

Larry, you stop this whining.

Junior asked you to do a job,

And there's no reason to cry about it.

That's not why I'm crying.

Yeah, well, mister, you better have a good damn reason why you are.

My grandmother died...

Well, that's -- that's one of the top three answers.

...in my arms...

Top two. ...naked!

Survey says, top answer -- dead, naked grandma.

Come here. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure she was a wonderful woman.

[ Sniffles ] she sure was.

She was taken from us too soon.

Well, how old was she?

Only 103.

Wow. She had the best hour of her life ahead of her.

Yeah, she was using her bedpan, and she said, "I'm finished."

[ Sobs, snorts loudly ]

And she was!

I miss her so much!

I miss her so much! I know, I know.

[ Voice breaking ] I lost my grandma.

[ Sobbing ]

I miss you, nana!

She was the sweetest woman in the world!

She smelled like -- like fish sticks and peas!

[ Both sobbing, sniffling ]

[ Crying ] and I lost a turtle who looked just like my grandma!

[ Sobbing ]

Dad, can we give larry the rest of the day off?

You know, that's an excellent idea.

Yeah. Take the day off.

Thanks, boss. That is so nice of you.

I've got to tell you, the last few weeks,

Junior's been like a brother to me.

Good.

Grammy would say, "why are you so happy?"

And I would say, "because I have a friend like junior here."

And she'd say, "you aren't gay, are you, boy?"

And I'd say, "grammy, that's personal."

And we'd just laugh and laugh.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Sobs ]

It's okay.

I know, I know, I know.

Hey, look, look, look, look.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm sorry about your loss,

And if there's anything I can do, you --

Please, just let me know, okay?

Well, there is one thing.

Hoo!

I am stuffed! Mm-hmm.

This is the best meal I've had in 30 years.

Grammy wasn't much of a cook.

We lived out of a can.

You know, potted meats, sardines, tuna --

Stuff we could share with the cats.

I am so lucky to be working with you guys.

And I'm happy for you, larry, because at some places of work,

The boss thinks that familiarity breeds contempt.

Oh, I know, but not at kyle trucking.

Oh, well, gee whiz, look at the time!

It's late. You know what?

We have to start getting ready for work tomorrow,

The kids have school... Mr. Kyle...

I hope you're not trying to invite me to spend the night!

All: no!

Good, because I can't.

Aw, man, that's too bad.

You know what? Maybe some other time.

Next wednesday at 8:00! I'll mark it down!

[ Voice breaking ] I think I better go

Before I lose it again.

Hey, let's all walk larry to the door, huh?

Come on, let's be a great family and walk him to the door.

Oh, it's okay. Listen, we'll, uh --

We'll see you at work tomorrow, okay?

And if there's anything we can do,

Just let us know.

Well, there is one tiny thing.

Come on, girls.

Kady, gum me.

Hey, get that gum out your mouth.

That is so disrespectful.

Kady?

Oh!

Ha, ha. Should've got flavored.

Okay, that's real nasty.

Real nasty, kady.

Hey, hey, hey! Shh, shh, shh, shh!

Let's show some respect.

Hey, dad, how come they call it "a wake"

When you look asleep?

Hmm?

Do you have your dumb book?

Yeah. Write that down.

Ha, I'm way ahead of you, dad.

I wrote that in there this morning. [ Chuckles ]

You plan the stupid things you're gonna say?

I'm totally organized.

See, tomorrow I'm gonna say,

"How come they call it a 'coffin'

When the person in it can't cough?"

What?

I'm so uncomfortable here.

I don't know what to say to somebody whose grandma just died.

Baby, we don't say anything.

You just give them comfort, that's all.

That's right. Listen to your mother.

She knows a lot about this kind of stuff.

Hi, guys! Hey, larry.

Thanks for coming.

Hey, where's everybody else?

Well, grandma was 103.

She outlived all her friends, and, until you guys,

I never had any friends, so...

Looks like the gang's all here! [ Laughs ]

Would you like to say goodbye to grammy?

Yeah. Sure, yeah, sure.

Doesn't she look great?

Fantastic -- she's glowing.

She must've spent a lot of time in the sun.

What's that color? What do you call that?

Orange?

Yeah, she's a glowing orange!

Oh, that's just the makeup.

Death doesn't do her justice.

She was a beautiful cottage-cheese white

With the cutest blue varicose veins

Pumping through her entire body.

I know -- I used to give her a night-night massage.

Well, you know, she looks very nice.

Yup. Yup.

Fantastic. Yup.

[ Sobbing ] I miss her so much!

[ Sobbing, sniffling ]

Oh, larry, you know what?

I'm really sorry, larry,

And if there's anything that I could do,

You let me know, okay?

Well, there is one little thing.

What?

I brought one of her wigs from home.

Would you mind putting it on and singing her favorite song?

Oh, larry, man, oh, larry, uh...

Uh, uh, larry, I feel uncomfortable with this, larry.

I don't -- well, you said "anything."

Okay, okay, okay! Larry, okay!

Put the wig on. I'll put the wig on!

Don't you say nothing to me. He's crying.

I'm putting the wig on!

See, larry, I got the wig on, see?

Look, larry, larry?

Larry. Just don't cry.

[ Gasps ]

You look so pretty!

Just like her!

Look, larry, what song do you want me to sing?

"The closer I walk to thee," "amazing grace," what do you...

"Mustang sally."

"Mustang sally"?

Now, you sing it to her, please, and, uh...

Michael, you sing backup! Hit it!

[ "Mustang sally" plays ]

I don't even know the lyrics.

Come on, guys, for grammy!

Okay. For grammy.

♪ Mustang sally ♪

♪ Mustang sally ♪

♪ Ow uh-huh ♪

♪ Guess you better slow your mustang down ♪

♪ Slow it down, slow it down ♪

Kids, grammy deserves better.

Come on, come on!

Get involved. For grammy. Come on, clap your hands.

♪ Oh, mustang sally ♪

♪ Now, baby ♪ ♪ sally ♪

♪ I guess you better slow your mustang down now ♪

♪ Slow it down, slow it down ♪

♪ Slow it down ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh oh, lord ♪

♪ You've been running all over town ♪

♪ I seen you runnin', sally ♪

♪ Get over here ♪

♪ Guess I'll have to put my flat feet on the ground ♪

♪ You put 'em down, put 'em down, put 'em down ♪

[ Music stops ] [ sobs ]

What -- what, larry? We were singing the song.

I'm sorry, I just need a moment alone with her, please.

[ Sobs ]

Sure, sure. You know what?

We'll go get some air.

You guys stay here.

Come on.

A-a-ah!

The wig.

Sorry.

Thank you. [ Sobs ]

Hey, how you holding up, larry?

It is so hard to be strong for grammy.

Yeah, I know.

Well, if there's anything I can do, just -- just let me know.

Well...there is one little thing.

The gravediggers are on strike, and, uh -- would you mind?

You want me to dig a grave?

I have a shovel in the car.

[ Sobs ] you said "anything"!

Oh, you're right. Okay, larry, all right.

Thank you so much for coming!

[ Sobbing ]

[ Sniffles ]

[ Sniffles ]

I'm so sorry you lost your grandma.

That is so sweet. I can't believe you said that.

Grammy loved little children like you.

She would squeeze them and squeeze them,

But then her arms would break, 'cause she had weak joints.

[ Sobs ]

Larry, if there's anything we can do, please let us know.

Well...there is one little thing.

Really?

Could you kiss grammy goodbye?

[ Coughing ]

Well, I have a cold, and, um,

I don't want to give grammy anything...

But kady's as healthy as a horse!

[ Gasps ] [ coughing ]

I think I just caught your cold.

You said "anything"!

Now, come on. She won't bite.

She doesn't even have teeth!

Well, why don't I just blow her a kiss?

See, look! [ Smooches, blows ]

She can't catch that, silly!

Now, don't worry, she's just like a big puppet --

Except with no strings or a hand up her back.

Come on.

So, how's your ankle?

Oh, it's terrible.

It doesn't seem to be healing at all.

I really think it might be broken.

Or worse -- paralyzed.

Wow.

Or maybe I just need a massage.

Again?

Yes, again.

Do I have to kiss the bunions?

Yes, always!

[ Sighs ]

Aw, look at that.

Lick the bunion. Let me see you lick it.

Hey. Hey, baby, let me get that for you.

Dad, guess who we ran into at the supermarket.

Who? Antonio fargas?

Who?

Huggy bear!

Why would we run into huggy bear?

I don't know, y-you said guess,

So that's the first thing that came to my mind.

Was I right? Was it huggy?

No, it wasn't him.

It was larry. Oh.

The man has attached himself to junior like a leech.

Kiss grammy! It's kiss grammy!

Kiss grammy!

I'm getting out of here.

What about your ankle?

Oh, yeah!

[ Kady screaming ]

All right, junior. You know what you gotta do.

I know.

Okay, well, then, please do it.

All right.

Hey, buddy! Hi, larry.

Hey, you wanna play santa claus again?

Not today, larry.

Look, I have something I need to tell you.

The toughest thing about being a good friend

Is telling people the truth,

And the truth is, at work,

There has to be separation between upstairs and downstairs.

You know what I'm saying?

You wanna add a new floor? That's a great idea!

You're gonna be a terrific boss someday!

I do not want to add another floor.

Good, 'cause it would've been too cramped.

Everyone walking around, all hunched over like -- like...

Grammy! [ Sobs ]

Okay, larry? Larry, let go.

Let go.

Both hands. Both hands.

You're still touching me.

[ Sniffles ]

Larry, sit down.

What I'm trying to say is,

I value you as a co-worker,

But I made a mistake by allowing us to become friends.

You don't want to be my friend anymore?

Well, it's not that I don't want to be, larry...

Whew!

...but my father's grooming me

To take over the business one day,

And in order to be an effective leader,

He says that I can't be your friend.

So...what you're saying

Is that we can't be friends?

[ Sighs ] yeah.

So you're not my friend.

No.

Ow.

Oh, look, larry, we can be great colleagues together.

Don't say "great."

You can't say "great" and "colleague"

In the same sentence!

Okay.

Thanks for being honest.

You're a good fr--

Colleague.

Hey, one other thing...

What should I do with the money?

What money?

The money grammy left me.

She said I should split it with my friend.

She was always worried

I wouldn't be able to make a friend.

When I did, she changed her will.

Why don't you buy a new car or something?

If she left you enough money.

Oh, it's enough! She left us over $5 million!

And half of that was mine?!

Oh, yeah.

Grammy didn't have friends, but she had a great portfolio.

[ Sighs ] anyway...

Good...bye,

My...

[ Groans ]

Larry, you thought I was serious?!

Hey, come on! Hey, larry!

♪ Mustang sally ♪

Ha!

Whoo! Ha, ha!

♪ Guess you better slow your mustang down ♪

[ Sobs ]

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...

Oh, baby, I guess he gave him the bad news.

Yeah. He's taking it pretty hard.

Look at him, he's crying.

He's crying. He is such a sensitive boy.

He sure is. But you know what?

One day, he will thank me

Because that's the best advice I ever gave him.

Keep your friends and your business separate.

You know, if he follows that philosophy,

One day he may be a millionaire.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...

"Familiar" is taken from the latin word meaning "family,"

I.e., Your husband.

"Breeding" --

The censor will put a really funny joke here.

Because they made me take out the one that I had.

Which was funny.

"Contempt" is "hostile."

So, in other words,

"Let's have hostile" -- whatever the censor says --

"Right here in the office."