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1
00:00:01,962 --> 00:00:03,544
Michael: good morning,
family.
2
00:00:03,544 --> 00:00:05,586
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
3
00:00:05,586 --> 00:00:07,178
What you reading,
junior?
4
00:00:07,178 --> 00:00:08,049
A book of baby names.
5
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:10,010
I'm trying to figure out
what to call my kid.
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,722
That's
a very important decision.
7
00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:13,264
Kids tend
to live up to their names.
8
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,805
They do?
9
00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:17,518
You don't want to put
a "fat," a "little,"
10
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,100
Or "murder" in their name.
11
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,641
Got you.
12
00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:22,693
Why don't you name the kid
after me?
13
00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:25,146
Why would I
name my kid "dad"?
14
00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:27,358
Huh? Ow!
15
00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:32,032
You know, son, if it's a girl,
you can always name her jay.
16
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:32,993
Or claire.
17
00:00:32,993 --> 00:00:34,915
Or kady.
18
00:00:34,915 --> 00:00:37,578
Why don't you put them together
and name her clajaydy?
19
00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:38,959
Eww.
20
00:00:38,959 --> 00:00:41,082
That sounds nasty --
clajaydy.
21
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:43,584
I wouldn't want her
living up to that.
22
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:46,167
Gentlemen, take out
your happy dollars.
23
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,509
Coming to the stage
is clajaydy.
24
00:00:48,509 --> 00:00:50,971
If you guys will excuse me,
I've got some thinking to do.
25
00:00:50,971 --> 00:00:52,513
I've got to come up
with a name.
26
00:00:52,513 --> 00:00:53,764
Claire: I'll help you.
27
00:00:53,764 --> 00:00:56,177
Hey, is that all
you're having for breakfast?
28
00:00:56,177 --> 00:00:58,099
Yeah. I want to go down
to the club
29
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,270
And work on my short game,
30
00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:01,812
'Cause you know I don't need
no work on the long game.
31
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,894
[ Both laugh ]
32
00:01:05,526 --> 00:01:06,857
I almost forgot.
33
00:01:06,857 --> 00:01:08,859
We have a meeting
with the insurance guy
34
00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:10,691
About our estate planning
on friday.
35
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:11,992
I'm not going.
36
00:01:11,992 --> 00:01:15,156
Michael, estate planning
is a necessary thing.
37
00:01:15,156 --> 00:01:17,868
I ever tell you the story
of my uncle willy?
38
00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:22,373
The sweetest man
you ever want to meet, okay?
39
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:25,336
My aunt lucinda
was pressuring him for years
40
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:26,757
To fill out a will.
41
00:01:26,757 --> 00:01:29,760
He said, "unh-unh.
No, thank you, right here.
42
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,512
My name's willy, not will."
43
00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:36,517
Finally, he gave in
to the "pressure."
44
00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:39,220
He goes downtown,
he fills out the paper.
45
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,101
Walking out of the office,
46
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,894
A window washer
on the 50th floor sneezes.
47
00:01:43,894 --> 00:01:46,106
His filling
pops out of his mouth,
48
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,688
Flies down 50 stories,
49
00:01:47,688 --> 00:01:49,610
Penetrates
uncle willy's skull,
50
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,862
Lodges itself
between his cerebellum
51
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,365
And medulla oblongata,
killing him instantly.
52
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:56,827
You know
uncle willy's last words?
53
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:59,039
Gesundheit.
54
00:01:59,039 --> 00:02:01,872
Oh, my god. Michael,
did that really happen?
55
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,954
No, but it could.
56
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,666
See? Why are you playing?
57
00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:07,918
I don't give you grief
about golfing.
58
00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:09,009
That's very dangerous.
59
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,342
How is golf a dangerous game?
60
00:02:11,342 --> 00:02:13,514
Did I ever tell you
about my cousin bertram?
61
00:02:13,514 --> 00:02:14,755
You got a cousin bertram?
62
00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:18,179
Oh, I got a cousin bertram.
One day...
63
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:21,722
He hit a 4 iron 175 yards
and landed on the green,
64
00:02:21,722 --> 00:02:23,644
Went straight into the hole.
65
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:27,818
In celebration,
he raised up his golf club.
66
00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:30,691
At that moment, a bolt of
lightning struck the golf club,
67
00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:32,733
Went down his arm,
over his shoulder,
68
00:02:32,733 --> 00:02:34,775
Across his chest,
went down his body,
69
00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:37,948
Around his waist,
went into his back pocket,
70
00:02:37,948 --> 00:02:41,372
Hit his lucky quarter,
and blew his ass off.
71
00:02:41,372 --> 00:02:43,414
Wow.
72
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,665
Yep.
73
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,166
A hole in one.
What a lucky guy.
74
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,708
Michael!
75
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:48,959
Okay, I'll do it.
76
00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:51,001
All right.
Friday at 3:00.
77
00:02:51,001 --> 00:02:52,002
All right.
78
00:02:52,002 --> 00:02:53,754
All right.
Medulla oblongata.
79
00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:55,506
Lucky quarter.
80
00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,560
[ Coin jingles ]
81
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:05,566
Claire: hi, mom.
82
00:03:05,566 --> 00:03:06,857
Claire.
Don't "hi, mom" me.
83
00:03:06,857 --> 00:03:08,359
You know
you're on punishment.
84
00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:10,571
You're not even supposed
to be out your room.
85
00:03:10,571 --> 00:03:11,522
Dad approved this.
86
00:03:11,522 --> 00:03:13,574
He said I could
do community service,
87
00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:15,446
So I signed up
to be a big sister.
88
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,488
But you're already
a big sister.
89
00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,450
No, I'm talking
about the organization
90
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,702
Where older girls
mentor younger girls.
91
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,374
Come on, sweetie.
92
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:25,205
I'd like you guys
to meet someone.
93
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,668
Jay: ooh.
94
00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:30,831
Who is, uh, this?
95
00:03:32,132 --> 00:03:34,335
This is kennedy, my protégé.
96
00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:35,716
Hi, sweetie.
97
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,717
Hello.
98
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,718
Isn't she adorable?
99
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,640
She a'ight.
100
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,263
Um, claire,
this is wonderful.
101
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,935
I am really proud
of you, sweetie.
102
00:03:44,935 --> 00:03:45,976
Thanks, mom.
103
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,608
Kennedy,
I'll show you my room.
104
00:03:47,608 --> 00:03:48,609
Okay, big sis.
105
00:03:48,609 --> 00:03:50,110
Come on, kady,
want to come?
106
00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:52,152
No, little sis.
107
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,955
Hey, jimmy.
108
00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:06,206
Hey, mike, how you doing?
109
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:07,207
I'm good.
110
00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:12,463
Yeah.
111
00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:14,044
What's going on there?
112
00:04:14,044 --> 00:04:15,215
You noticed, right?
113
00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:16,587
I couldn't help but notice.
114
00:04:16,587 --> 00:04:20,050
Last time I saw you,
you was balder than me.
115
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:21,382
That's a great rug.
116
00:04:21,382 --> 00:04:24,264
Uh, excuse me?
No rug here, mike.
117
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,556
What is it, a weave?
118
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,557
Come again?
119
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:27,598
You get plugs?
120
00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,269
Can't hear you.
[ Laughs ]
121
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,392
It's all -- aah!
122
00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:34,315
Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
123
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,527
I just tried to touch it.
Unh!
124
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,240
Come on. You can't --
unh.
125
00:04:43,364 --> 00:04:44,995
Can I --
126
00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:47,207
Waahh.
127
00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:49,370
[ Laughs ]
128
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:52,713
Shh, shh, sit down.
129
00:04:52,713 --> 00:04:54,465
What's the matter?
130
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,547
I think these guys over here,
they after me.
131
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:57,678
Don't look at them.
132
00:04:57,678 --> 00:04:58,759
The golfers?
133
00:04:58,759 --> 00:04:59,840
Golfers?
134
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,133
That's what
they want you to think!
135
00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:06,186
I think it's the hair.
I mean, it's understandable.
136
00:05:06,186 --> 00:05:08,479
You see a guy with
a big bush of hair,
137
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:10,020
You're gonna hate him, right?
138
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,932
You don't hate me,
do you, mike?
139
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,934
What's the matter with you,
jimmy?
140
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:15,696
Ain't nothing the matter
with me.
141
00:05:15,696 --> 00:05:18,148
I never felt better.
What you looking at, man?!
142
00:05:22,282 --> 00:05:24,945
Look, jimmy,
let's get back to the hair.
143
00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:26,326
What's the secret?
144
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,789
It's called "hair it is."
145
00:05:31,952 --> 00:05:33,834
You mean to tell me
that you took a pill
146
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,416
And your hair grew back
like that?
147
00:05:35,416 --> 00:05:37,378
Well, I bumped mine
up to 10 a day
148
00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:39,380
'Cause I got a high-school
reunion coming up.
149
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,551
But look at me, man,
150
00:05:40,551 --> 00:05:42,342
I'm growing hair
like a chia pet.
151
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,134
I'm on my way
to the barbershop now.
152
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,177
Wow.
153
00:05:47,177 --> 00:05:48,559
I got to try this stuff.
154
00:05:48,559 --> 00:05:50,431
Take those, man.
I got three boxes at home.
155
00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:52,733
I'm gonna try to sneak out
before they see me.
156
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,528
Nah!
157
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,154
Oh, my god.
158
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:05,446
What, what, what?
159
00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:06,657
There's hair.
160
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,449
How much do you see?
161
00:06:08,449 --> 00:06:11,792
I see three strands
in the southeast quadrant.
162
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:13,494
Oh! Oh! Yes, it worked!
163
00:06:13,494 --> 00:06:14,915
Oh, my god!
164
00:06:14,915 --> 00:06:17,337
I got hair! I got hair!
165
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,550
[ Laughing ]
166
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:22,843
Hey, dad, I wouldn't go out
and buy a hairnet just yet,
167
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:24,595
But it's kind of amazing.
168
00:06:24,595 --> 00:06:27,468
What do you mean by that?
169
00:06:27,468 --> 00:06:28,599
By what?
170
00:06:28,599 --> 00:06:29,770
Buying a hairnet?
171
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:31,812
Well, it's -- you still...
172
00:06:31,812 --> 00:06:33,353
Aha. I know.
173
00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:34,645
I was just
kidding with you, man.
174
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,147
I know what you mean.
I know what everybody means.
175
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:40,320
In fact, you mean a lot more
than you think you mean,
176
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,822
My man jelly bean.
177
00:06:41,822 --> 00:06:42,863
[ Laughs ]
178
00:06:42,863 --> 00:06:44,404
[ Inhales sharply ]
179
00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:47,327
I'm lost, dad.
180
00:06:47,327 --> 00:06:49,239
It doesn't matter.
You know why?
181
00:06:49,239 --> 00:06:51,742
Whseew. Whseew.
I got hair.
182
00:06:54,294 --> 00:06:56,497
[ Piano playing
scale exercises ]
183
00:07:01,131 --> 00:07:03,303
Okay. Your turn.
184
00:07:03,303 --> 00:07:05,966
[ Discordant notes play ]
185
00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:07,888
What's the matter, my dove?
186
00:07:07,888 --> 00:07:10,430
You seem like
you've got the blues.
187
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,892
[ Piano plays blues music ]
188
00:07:11,892 --> 00:07:15,225
♪ Kady, she's my lady ♪
189
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,521
♪ Kady, she's my baby ♪
190
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,364
♪ When she's wearing
a frown ♪
191
00:07:24,364 --> 00:07:26,366
♪ I'm feeling down ♪
192
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:30,911
♪ So I'm gonna find
a clever, new solution ♪
193
00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:35,536
Yeah, I've got a problem.
194
00:07:35,536 --> 00:07:38,378
What problem could
a beautiful 7-year-old girl
195
00:07:38,378 --> 00:07:41,131
Living in an upper-class,
suburban community,
196
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:43,844
Being courted by a suitor
as resplendent as moi,
197
00:07:43,844 --> 00:07:45,005
Possibly have?
198
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:47,387
Claire's dumping me
for another sister.
199
00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:48,889
What do you mean?
200
00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:51,471
She signed up
to spend all her time
201
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,724
Mentoring
some needy little girl.
202
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:56,016
What about me?!
I can be needy.
203
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:58,398
I can be needy.
I can be needy!
204
00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:00,731
There, there,
my fragrant mushroom.
205
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:03,734
There's no need to worry.
This is great news.
206
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,405
It means more time for us.
207
00:08:05,405 --> 00:08:07,487
You don't understand,
franklin.
208
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,779
What if your sister aretha
209
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,161
Wanted to trade you in
for a new brother?
210
00:08:11,161 --> 00:08:12,452
I mean, what would you do?
211
00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:14,244
I'd start singing.
212
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,577
♪ Happy days
are here again ♪
213
00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:19,249
♪ Oh, the sky above
is clear again ♪
214
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,922
♪ Let us sing
a song of cheer again ♪
215
00:08:21,922 --> 00:08:24,384
♪ Happy days
are here again ♪
216
00:08:24,384 --> 00:08:26,887
[ Laughing ]
217
00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:30,721
Anyhoo...
218
00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:33,303
Okay, kady, if it really
upsets you that much,
219
00:08:33,303 --> 00:08:35,435
Then we're just gonna
have to do something
220
00:08:35,435 --> 00:08:36,937
To keep it from happening.
221
00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:38,138
But how?
222
00:08:38,138 --> 00:08:41,311
I don't know yet...
223
00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:42,522
But it'll come.
224
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,699
♪ Give me a head with hair ♪
225
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:50,651
♪ Long, beautiful hair ♪
226
00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:52,863
♪ Shining, gleaming, streaming,
flaxen, waxen ♪
227
00:08:52,863 --> 00:08:54,034
♪ Baby, yeah ♪
228
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,826
♪ I want it down to there ♪
229
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:57,828
♪ Hair, yeah, yeah ♪
230
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,660
♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair ♪
231
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,371
[ Blows ]
232
00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:02,963
♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair -- ♪
233
00:09:02,963 --> 00:09:04,625
Michael! Michael!
234
00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:07,718
Will you stop it?!
You're driving me crazy!
235
00:09:07,718 --> 00:09:11,882
What? I'm just singing about
my new love, jay -- my hair.
236
00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:14,554
Isn't it beautiful?
[ Laughs ]
237
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,847
No, it looks ridiculous.
238
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,348
Oh, come on.
You're jealous.
239
00:09:18,348 --> 00:09:20,440
I live in a world
of hair haters, jay.
240
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,603
You see this here?
Look at this, baby.
241
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,775
Northeastern quadrant --
that's new growth.
242
00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:27,608
You see this here
in the sub-sahara section?
243
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:28,989
That's a baby -- unh-unh.
244
00:09:28,989 --> 00:09:30,901
Michael, I --
no, no, no.
245
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,823
I was just trying --
unh-unh.
246
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:33,994
Right here --
whoo.
247
00:09:33,994 --> 00:09:36,617
Don't touch the curls.
248
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,159
They're delicate
until they get their legs.
249
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:44,164
I cannot believe you --
250
00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:46,046
Oh, my god!
Unh-unh.
251
00:09:46,046 --> 00:09:48,208
Aah! Aah!
I'll snap it.
252
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:50,260
Get off!
253
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,382
Just stop
that stupid piano playing!
254
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:55,345
You're giving everybody else
in this house a headache!
255
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,517
Try to touch my hair.
256
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:02,683
[ Door opens ]
257
00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:04,314
I got the number.
258
00:10:04,314 --> 00:10:06,486
Do you really think
this is going to work?
259
00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:10,400
Of course it'll work, my love.
You make everything work.
260
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,194
You make the sun come up.
You make the birds sing.
261
00:10:14,194 --> 00:10:16,576
You make my heart flutter.
262
00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:18,699
Just shut up
and give me the number.
263
00:10:18,699 --> 00:10:20,701
Here.
264
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:22,002
Now, remember,
265
00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:24,414
You're a concerned parent.
266
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:25,876
Be assertive.
267
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,298
Franklin, be quiet.
268
00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:30,460
Yeah, just like that.
269
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:34,805
Hello. I mean --
[ clears throat ]
270
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:35,966
[ Deep voice ] hello.
271
00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:40,390
Is this
the big sister organization?
272
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,977
So, of the two plans
I've outlined,
273
00:10:46,977 --> 00:10:48,819
"A" is the most expensive,
274
00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:51,441
But it's also,
by far, the best.
275
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:56,616
So, what you're saying...
276
00:10:56,616 --> 00:11:01,411
Is if I love my family,
I'd go with plan "a."
277
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,783
On the other hand,
278
00:11:02,783 --> 00:11:07,838
If I don't like my family,
I go with plan "b."
279
00:11:07,838 --> 00:11:10,210
That's one way of putting it.
280
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:13,924
Well, here's another way
of putting it.
281
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,675
Pow.
282
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,468
What about
I just save a few bucks
283
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:19,930
And go with plan "c"?
284
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,892
That's where
I fake my own death
285
00:11:21,892 --> 00:11:24,184
And run off to rio
with some hooker and liquor.
286
00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:31,481
[ Laughing ]
287
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:35,195
Michael!
288
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,028
Okay, we'll go with plan "b."
Michael!
289
00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:39,449
Plan "c."
Michael!
290
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:43,413
Plan "a"!
Okay, plan "a."
291
00:11:43,413 --> 00:11:47,537
I pay, I die,
your money multiply.
292
00:11:47,537 --> 00:11:51,091
My, my, my,
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
293
00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:52,712
You happy, jay?
294
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,544
You happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy?
295
00:11:56,887 --> 00:11:58,969
I got a question.
296
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,841
Something just hit me.
297
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,807
How much does she make
if I die?
298
00:12:06,807 --> 00:12:09,609
In the event
of your early demise,
299
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,731
Jay would receive $3 million.
300
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,904
$3 Million?!
301
00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:18,859
What do I get
if she kicks the bucket?
302
00:12:18,859 --> 00:12:20,700
$12,000.
303
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,123
$12,000?!
304
00:12:23,123 --> 00:12:26,246
That doesn't seem fair,
now, does it?
305
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,869
Now, you listen to me,
fuzzy lumpkin.
306
00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:30,170
I am about to --
whoa!
307
00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:31,711
You know what --
aah!
308
00:12:31,711 --> 00:12:32,752
Michael!
309
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,925
Listen --
whaaaaaa!
310
00:12:34,925 --> 00:12:36,967
Get off of me!
311
00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:41,802
Don't touch the hair...
312
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,683
Anywhere.
313
00:12:43,683 --> 00:12:46,556
Let me tell you something.
314
00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:47,848
You were the one
315
00:12:47,848 --> 00:12:49,980
Who wanted me to quit
my career as a stockbroker
316
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:51,231
And become your accountant.
317
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:53,023
That makes you
the primary breadwinner.
318
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,695
Primary breadwinner.
319
00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,821
That sounds like
$3 million patsy, to me.
320
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,824
Why are you
sounding so paranoid?
321
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,575
I'm not paranoid.
322
00:13:05,575 --> 00:13:07,367
Sit down.
323
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:10,750
Okay, before we wrap things up
and get to signing papers,
324
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:14,334
There's just one more decision
you two have to make.
325
00:13:14,334 --> 00:13:16,676
Should michael end up
in a vegetative state,
326
00:13:16,676 --> 00:13:19,719
Would you want to keep the
machines on or pull the plug?
327
00:13:19,719 --> 00:13:21,801
Keep it on.
Pull the plug.
328
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,763
Get out --
get outta here.
329
00:13:25,765 --> 00:13:27,848
Jay: wanda, I don't know.
330
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,981
I'd hate to have to
cut his head off myself.
331
00:13:32,432 --> 00:13:33,483
[ Sighs ]
332
00:13:33,483 --> 00:13:35,395
It's gonna be hard to do,
that's why.
333
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,400
Yeah.
334
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,114
A good whack with the cleaver
will make it pop off, right?
335
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,706
Yeah, well, I wish I had
a sack to put over his head
336
00:13:46,706 --> 00:13:48,118
So he wouldn't look at me.
337
00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,789
She's trying to kill us.
338
00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:54,374
Okay, girl,
let me get to this, all right,
339
00:13:54,374 --> 00:13:58,458
'Cause michael really does
love him some catfish.
340
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:01,301
All right. Bye.
341
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:04,965
Ohh! Eww!
342
00:14:04,965 --> 00:14:06,927
Ew, it popped up!
343
00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:11,391
Hey, what do you think
of my new look?
344
00:14:11,391 --> 00:14:13,023
You look crazy.
345
00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,144
[ Chuckles ]
346
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,815
Good crazy or bad crazy?
347
00:14:15,815 --> 00:14:16,816
Cra--
unh-unh.
348
00:14:16,816 --> 00:14:17,647
Cra--
whoo!
349
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:20,280
Right there.
You leave yourself open.
350
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,781
Oosh!
351
00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,613
You look crazy crazy.
352
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,945
That must be
353
00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:27,197
What they call people
with long, luxurious hair.
354
00:14:27,197 --> 00:14:28,288
[ Chuckles ]
355
00:14:28,288 --> 00:14:29,539
It looks frightening.
356
00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,251
You look like
a bad science experiment.
357
00:14:31,251 --> 00:14:32,832
Oh, you're just jealous
358
00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:35,255
Because you don't have
the patches look.
359
00:14:35,255 --> 00:14:36,756
Pow.
360
00:14:36,756 --> 00:14:38,208
Well, dad, I like it.
361
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,419
Thank you, son.
362
00:14:39,419 --> 00:14:41,171
See, they're just -- whoo!
I'll snap it.
363
00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,766
Junior: mom,
the food smells good.
364
00:14:46,766 --> 00:14:48,178
Yeah, what is it?
365
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:51,681
Something special
I made just for your father.
366
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:55,605
Awww, jay, always looking out
for her husband --
367
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:58,278
Or should I say, has-been?
368
00:14:58,278 --> 00:15:01,611
Here, kady, why don't you
take a bite of this to see --
369
00:15:01,611 --> 00:15:02,692
No! Michael, no!
370
00:15:02,692 --> 00:15:04,404
Aha!
371
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,865
You trying to kill her?!
372
00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:09,489
You admit, you put a little
something extra in this plate.
373
00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,952
Yes, peanut oil!
She's allergic to this!
374
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,034
The old peanut-oil trick,
huh?
375
00:15:14,034 --> 00:15:15,835
What is wrong with you?!
376
00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:19,089
Nothing's wrong with me, jay --
nothing at all,
377
00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:23,093
And I plan
on keeping it that way.
378
00:15:23,093 --> 00:15:25,305
That hair's not
growing out of your head.
379
00:15:25,305 --> 00:15:26,546
It's growing into it.
380
00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:27,677
Don't come near me
with that!
381
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,100
Michael, what are you
talking about?!
382
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,513
Get your butt over here,
sit down, and eat this food.
383
00:15:33,513 --> 00:15:35,935
No, no, no,
I got my dinner, jay.
384
00:15:41,651 --> 00:15:43,113
[ Laughs ]
385
00:15:43,113 --> 00:15:45,405
What was that?
386
00:15:45,405 --> 00:15:46,696
I don't know.
387
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,658
Your father's been acting
very strange lately.
388
00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:50,870
I thought something was wrong
this morning
389
00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:53,623
When he told me
I should name the baby urder.
390
00:15:53,623 --> 00:15:56,206
The more he grows
that stupid hair,
391
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,877
The nutsier he gets.
392
00:15:57,877 --> 00:16:00,250
You know what, claire,
you're right.
393
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:04,634
[ Sighs ]
394
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:05,965
[ Knock on door ]
395
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,298
Come in.
396
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:09,759
Oh, hi, claire.
What's up?
397
00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:10,930
Oh, nothing.
398
00:16:10,930 --> 00:16:13,973
Just figured I'd come spend
some time with my little sister.
399
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,356
Finally.
Do you wanna play a game?
400
00:16:16,356 --> 00:16:18,558
Sure. Let's play phone call.
401
00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:19,769
Ring, ring, ring.
402
00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:20,900
Now pick up yours.
403
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,863
Hello.
Big sister organization.
404
00:16:23,863 --> 00:16:24,864
What's that?
405
00:16:24,864 --> 00:16:27,737
You have information
about your daughter claire?
406
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,320
She's been in rehab?
407
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,782
She's on parole for
beating up her little sister?
408
00:16:32,782 --> 00:16:35,825
Oh, wow, you must be able
to see into the future,
409
00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:37,957
Because I didn't start
beating her up until now.
410
00:16:37,957 --> 00:16:39,499
I'm sorry!
411
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,332
I just don't want you to be
anybody else's big sister.
412
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,795
Look, kady,
413
00:16:45,795 --> 00:16:48,338
You know how mom and dad
have enough love
414
00:16:48,338 --> 00:16:49,889
To share with three children?
415
00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:51,471
Yeah.
416
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:52,892
Well, I have enough love
417
00:16:52,892 --> 00:16:55,935
To share with you and
a less-fortunate little girl.
418
00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:58,598
So don't look at it
like you're losing me.
419
00:16:58,598 --> 00:17:01,191
Look at it as
a chance to make a new friend.
420
00:17:01,191 --> 00:17:03,273
Maybe you're right.
421
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,413
What are you looking at?
422
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:16,496
Aah!
423
00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:18,658
Michael, are you okay?!
424
00:17:18,658 --> 00:17:21,711
Unfortunately for you,
yes, I am.
425
00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:23,663
Why aren't you at work?!
426
00:17:23,663 --> 00:17:25,925
Because they're after me
down there -- all of them.
427
00:17:25,925 --> 00:17:27,297
They're after my hair,
428
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,718
And you got them
in on the scheme.
429
00:17:28,718 --> 00:17:32,051
You're gonna give them a little
bit of the insurance money
430
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,473
After you bump me off!
431
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:34,514
Look at this.
432
00:17:34,514 --> 00:17:35,675
Gun! She's got a gun!
433
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,848
Michael!
434
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,310
Michael, where are you?!
435
00:17:42,232 --> 00:17:45,145
Michael, will you look?
436
00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:48,778
I went online and found out
this stuff contains thc.
437
00:17:48,778 --> 00:17:50,650
"The hair cure," baby.
438
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:51,861
No, no!
439
00:17:51,861 --> 00:17:54,404
This is the same stuff
that's in marijuana.
440
00:17:54,404 --> 00:17:56,826
Taken in large amounts,
it causes paranoia.
441
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,658
Why should I believe you?
442
00:17:58,658 --> 00:18:00,460
The recommended dosage
is one a day.
443
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:01,701
How many
have you been taking?
444
00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:04,464
One [blows] every hour.
445
00:18:04,464 --> 00:18:08,168
Oh, my -- michael, no wonder
you've been acting so crazy!
446
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:10,880
Yeah, but my hair looks good!
447
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,762
No, it doesn't!
448
00:18:12,762 --> 00:18:14,174
You looked better bald!
449
00:18:14,174 --> 00:18:16,266
You looked
a thousand times better!
450
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:19,719
You didn't like me
when I had hair?
451
00:18:19,719 --> 00:18:22,142
No, I didn't like you.
I hated you!
452
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,224
I don't even know
why I married you.
453
00:18:24,224 --> 00:18:25,485
But then, baby,
454
00:18:25,485 --> 00:18:28,278
When you went bald,
I was like, "whoo!"
455
00:18:28,278 --> 00:18:29,689
Like "whoo"?
Whoo.
456
00:18:29,689 --> 00:18:31,731
Whoo.
457
00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:34,154
And sexy, too.
458
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,235
Sexy?
459
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:36,786
Real sexy.
460
00:18:36,786 --> 00:18:39,739
What are you doing
with the babies?
461
00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:42,662
Why don't you come on
out of there...
462
00:18:42,662 --> 00:18:44,374
You be careful with that.
463
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,167
...and we can go
to the doctor.
464
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,589
Watch where you put the --
you're gonna step on it.
465
00:18:49,589 --> 00:18:53,963
Then, we can go
to the barber.
466
00:18:53,963 --> 00:18:56,015
[ Voice breaking ]
you're teasing me.
467
00:18:56,015 --> 00:18:57,467
You're teasing me.
468
00:18:59,058 --> 00:19:01,721
Okay, why should I trust you?
469
00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:04,604
You don't know
if you can trust me,
470
00:19:04,604 --> 00:19:06,566
Except for the fact
that we've spent
471
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,858
Practically our entire lives
together, michael,
472
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,730
And all I've ever done
is love you.
473
00:19:12,732 --> 00:19:14,364
Guys, what do you think?
474
00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:16,075
Should we trust her?
475
00:19:16,075 --> 00:19:17,947
[ Caribbean accent ]
I don't know, man.
476
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:19,739
I don't like
the way she...them keys.
477
00:19:19,739 --> 00:19:21,781
[ High-pitched voice ]
well, if I were you,
478
00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:23,663
I would listen to her,
because you know,
479
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,955
She does have a cute smile
when she looks at you.
480
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,877
[ Normal voice ] okay,
jay, wait a second.
481
00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,420
I won't even move.
482
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,462
Look, you're right.
483
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,133
I have been feeling strange
484
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,676
Ever since I started
taking those pills.
485
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,139
And honestly, having hair
doesn't matter to me at all.
486
00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:44,434
I'm very glad to hear that.
487
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,936
Whoa!
488
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,809
Kiss with your lips,
not your hands.
489
00:19:58,528 --> 00:20:00,700
Hey, is that al roker over there
on the pogo stick?
490
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,991
Where?
Give me my stuff.
491
00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:04,494
Bad boy!
Give me the pills!
492
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,826
[ Whistling ]
493
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:10,710
How you doing?
494
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:11,751
Hey, jimmy.
495
00:20:11,751 --> 00:20:12,962
Hey, mike.
496
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,714
What's happening, dude?
Nothing much.
497
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,795
Can I buy you a drink?
Sure.
498
00:20:15,795 --> 00:20:18,338
Cool.
Another round, please.
499
00:20:18,338 --> 00:20:21,471
[ Chuckles ]
I see you cut you, too, huh?
500
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:22,762
Oh, yeah.
501
00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,764
Man, my wife
had to hog-tie me
502
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:27,307
And drag me to the doctor
to get off that stuff.
503
00:20:27,307 --> 00:20:30,560
Dude, they had to shoot me
with a tranquilizer dart
504
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,692
And drag me
out of my reunion.
505
00:20:32,692 --> 00:20:34,233
Doot!
506
00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,236
That's some bad stuff, jimmy.
507
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,858
Oh, I know.
508
00:20:38,858 --> 00:20:40,740
Hey, you miss the hair?
509
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:41,861
Oh, not these days,
510
00:20:41,861 --> 00:20:43,823
'Cause it's heating up
in the bedroom.
511
00:20:43,823 --> 00:20:44,784
Really?
512
00:20:44,784 --> 00:20:48,788
Yeah. Oh, buck wild
because of these.
513
00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:51,871
"Man again."
514
00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:54,083
Wow. Any side effects?
515
00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:55,465
Oh, none at all.
Ugh!
516
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,261
It's all new growth, baby.
517
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,182
Get out of here.
Unh-unh.
518
00:21:03,182 --> 00:21:04,183
Aah!
519
00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:08,648
Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
520
00:21:08,648 --> 00:21:11,190
Come on. This is --
unh!
521
00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:15,605
Unh-unh.
522
00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:16,656
Unh-unh-unh.
35718
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