Original subtitles

WHAT ARE YOU TWO STILL DOING UP?

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING.

WELL, WE WERE TOO WIRED TO SLEEP,

WHAT WITH THE GRADUATION,

TALKING ABOUT MY TRIP TO JAPAN,

AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF.

SO HERE WE ARE.

VANESSA, I KNOW JUNIOR'S TOLD YOU

ABOUT HIS GRADUATION PRESENT.

I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT IF HE DOESN'T GO TO JAPAN,

HE'S MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

I THINK SO, TOO.

IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME, VANESSA.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

SEPARATION IS ACTUALLY HEALTHY FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

THAT'S RIGHT.

SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE MY JOB,

THAT'S RIGHT.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND HER ALL THE TIME.

YAPPING AND YAPPING...

UH-HUH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY

IS IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A GREAT HOMECOMING,

SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO LEAVE HOME.

ABSENCE REALLY DOES MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER.

AND AFTER YOU'RE STUCK WITH SOMEONE FOR A LONG TIME,

THE MORE ABSENCE THE BET--

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

LOOK, MOM, DAD,

WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE TALKING FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO TO JAPAN.

JUNIOR, THAT MAKES ME VERY SAD.

THIS IS VERY DISAPPOINTING.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING, THEN YOUR MOTHER AND I

AT LEAST DESERVE AN EXPLANATION WHY YOU'RE NOT GOING.

SHE'S PREGNANT.

COME AGAIN?

[ LAUGHS ] DID HE JUST SAY SHE WAS PREGNANT?

[ LAUGHS ] SHE...

BABY?

BABY? Jay: HMM?

BABY? HEY.

OH, MICHAEL. OH, IT'S NOT REAL.

BABY, I WAS HAVING THE WORST DREAM.

THAT JUNIOR SAID THAT VANESSA'S PREGNANT?

YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

BECAUSE IT WASN'T A DREAM.

WHAT?! IS IT TRUE?! NO, IT'S NOT TRUE!

MICHAEL, PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE.

OKAY, IT'S NOT TRUE.

TRUTHFULLY?

YOU WANT THE TRUTH? IT'S TRUE.

TRUE THAT IT'S NOT TRUE, OR TRUE THAT IT'S TRUE?

IT'S TRUE THAT IT'S TRUE, BUT NOT TRUE THAT --

WAIT. IT'S NOT TRUE THAT IT'S NOT TRUE --

THE BOY GOT HER PREGNANT.

DAMN THAT GIRL!

I KNEW IT, MICHAEL! I SAID IT!

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME SAY SHE WAS NOTHING BUT TROUBLE?!

I HEARD YOU SAY IT.

THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD HEARD YOU SAY IT.

SHE PROBABLY TRICKED HIM INTO IT.

NO, A GIRL CAN'T TRICK A GUY INTO HAVING SEX.

ONLY A GUY COULD TRICK ANOTHER GUY INTO HAVING SEX.

FRANK, YOU DROPPED YOUR WALLET.

WHOOPSIE. GOT YOU. SURPRISE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SHE LED HIM ON, MICHAEL.

NO, JUNIOR HAD A PART IN THIS, TOO, JAY --

A SMALL PART THAT I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE CHOPPED OFF

YEARS AGO.

WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE IT'S NOT EVEN HIS BABY.

WELL, THEY SEEM PRETTY SURE.

I WANT A DNA TEST.

HOW DO WE KNOW SHE WASN'T HANDING OUT HER COOKIES

ALL OVER TOWN?

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS A SONOGRAM.

IF THE FETUS' HEAD LOOKS LIKE A QUESTION MARK,

THEN WE KNOW IT'S JUNIOR'S.

OH, NO, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

MICHAEL, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

I HAVE PERMISSION TO TORTURE HIM?

NO, MICHAEL, WE HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND THAT HE'S STILL OUR BABY.

WE CAN'T BE TOO ROUGH ON HIM.

STUPID BOY! YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

OW! OW!

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ME FOR?

MICHAEL, LET ME GET HIM!

REMEMBER, YOU SAID WE WEREN'T GONNA BE TOO TOUGH ON HIM.

WHO? YOU SAID THAT.

REMEMBER? YEAH.

OKAY. OKAY.

YOU COOL? UH-HUH.

OKAY. I'M COOL.

OHHH! 18 YEARS! 18 YEARS!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

EASY, EASY.

CAN I SAY SOMETHING BEFORE YOU BEAT ME TO DEATH?

YEAH. YEAH.

WE'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

I'M SORRY IF I'VE DISAPPOINTED YOU.

THAT'S A START, FOOL.

BUT I THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING.

YOU DO?

I LOVE VANESSA, SHE LOVES ME,

AND NOW WE'LL HAVE A BABY THAT WE BOTH LOVE.

THAT'S PERFECT.

YES.

JAY, GIVE ME THE PILLOW. PUT A ROCK IN IT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! JUST HEAR ME OUT,

AND MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND MY PLAN.

[ CHUCKLES ] WELL, HE'S GOT A PLAN.

YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU HAD A PLAN.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A PLAN, SON.

PLEASE SIT DOWN

AND TELL YOUR MOM AND I YOUR PLAN, MY MAN.

HELP US UNDERSTAND BEFORE I KICK YOU IN THE CAN.

OKAY. VANESSA AND I WILL JUST GET MARRIED.

THAT FIXES IT.

HE FIXED THE WHOLE OUT-OF-WEDLOCK PREGNANCY THING

JUST LIKE THAT.

THE GUY'S A GENIUS. DID YOU HEAR THAT?

UH-HUH.

I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, JAY. THE BOY IS A GENIUS.

HE SURE IS.

I DIDN'T THINK --

MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT THE PLAN MAN

AND YOU NOT THE PLAN WOMAN.

WELL, I FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

ME TOO.

SEE?

YEAH, BUT CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR PLAN?

FIRE AWAY.

WHERE ARE YOU, YOUR NEW BRIDE, AND THE BABY GONNA SLEEP?

I FIGURED THAT OUT, TOO. RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT HERE? YEAH.

IT'S PERFECT. RIGHT HERE.

YEAH.

OH, SO YOU AND YOUR WIFE AND YOUR BABY

ARE GONNA SLEEP IN A GARAGE.

NOW, THAT'S THE AMERICAN DREAM RIGHT THERE.

I CAN SEE IT NOW.

THE BABY COULD PLAY RIGHT HERE ON THIS OIL SPOT.

IT'LL BE HIS OWN LITTLE SLIP 'N SLIDE.

AND WE COULD PUT THE CRIB RIGHT HERE

UNDERNEATH THE PRUNING SHEARS

SO HE COULD WORK ON HIS HAND-AND-EYE COORDINATION.

YEAH, AND IF THE BABY'S COLD,

WE COULD JUST WARM HIM UP ON THE MUFFLER,

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS KIDS LOVE CARBON MONOXIDE.

IT'S SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO MAKE THEM SLEEPY.

GOD.

BOY, BUT YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, HUH?

YOU GUYS MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A STUPID PLAN.

BUT, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

I WAS THINKING MAYBE I COULD HAVE MY OLD ROOM BACK.

OH! [ LAUGHS ]

HE WANTS US TO REWARD HIM

FOR GETTING HIS GIRLFRIEND KNOCKED UP.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND ROB A BANK,

AND WE COULD LET HIM HAVE OUR ROOM.

I GET IT.

INCENTIVIZE YOUR STUPIDITY. THAT'S THE PLAN.

DAD, YOU COULD MAKE FUN OF ME,

BUT IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE THE FACTS.

THE FACTS? LET US REVIEW THE FACTS.

THE FACTS ARE YOU HAVE NO JOB, NO EDUCATION,

NO IDEA HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE WORLD,

AND YOU HAVE THE GALL TO PROCREATE

AND BRING ANOTHER LITTLE IDIOT INTO THE WORLD.

LOOK, WE'LL FIND A WAY.

"WE'LL FIND A WAY," HE SAYS.

"WE'LL FIND A WAY," THE KID SAYS.

I HEARD HIM.

THE KID IS GONNA FIND A WAY.

SON, DO YOU HAVE A PEN AND PAD?

YEAH.

I WANT YOU TO WRITE DOWN SOMETHING FOR ME.

I WANT YOU TO WRITE DOWN, "WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED."

AND THEN UNDERNEATH THAT PUT, "WE'LL FIND A WAY."

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

BECAUSE FROM NOW ON,

WE'RE GONNA KEEP A TRACK OF ALL THE DUMB THINGS THAT YOU SAY.

I AIN'T DUMB.

"I AIN'T DUMB."

THAT'S THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK.

"I AIN'T DUMB."

DAD, THERE'S NO "B" IN "DUMB." THAT'S "DUM-BEE."

MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!

WHAT, BABY, WHAT?

IS IT TRUE THAT JUNIOR'S HAVING A BABY?

YEAH, IT IS.

YAY, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I'M AUNTIE KADY.

AUNTIE KADY?

I COULD NEVER BE AUNTIE KADY, 'CAUSE I'M SO PRO KADY.

[ LAUGHING ]

GET IT? ANTI-KADY, PRO-KADY?

I DON'T GET IT.

WSSHHHEW!

ANYHOO, I THINK WE ALL AGREE

ABOUT HOW DISAPPOINTED WE ARE IN JUNIOR.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. WHAT A LETDOWN.

THERE'S STILL A RAY OF HOPE.

THEY SAY EVERY ENDING IS A NEW BEGINNING,

AND THIS IS THE BEGINNING

OF WHAT I LIKE TO CALL THE FRANKLIN KYLE ERA.

YOU'RE STILL ANGLING FOR JUNIOR'S SPOT, HUH?

ANGLING IS SUCH A CRUDE WORD, MR. KYLE.

IT CHEAPENS THE PURITY OF MY INTENTIONS.

WHICH ARE?

JUNIOR OUT, ME IN.

HE MAKES A POINT, JAY.

FRANKLIN, WE'LL MULL THIS OVER.

YOU GO PLAY WITH KADY SOMEWHERE.

YEAH, SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE OPEN

WHERE WE CAN KEEP OUR EYE ON YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE SUCH A CARD...DAD.

HI, MOM. HI, DAD.

HEY, IT'S THE MAN WITH THE PLAN.

SON, I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU AN OPPORTUNITY.

WHAT OPPORTUNITY?

YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY,

SO YOU'RE GONNA NEED A JOB.

MAYBE TWO.

SO, I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU A JOB WORKING WITH ME.

GOOD. WHERE?

DO YOU HAVE YOUR "I AIN'T DUMB" BOOK?

YEAH.

OW!

AT KYLE TRUCKING, THAT'S WHERE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

THAT MEANS I'D BE SEPARATED FROM VANESSA

WHEN SHE GOES TO COLLEGE.

YOU TWO HAVE A LOT OF TOUGH DECISIONS TO MAKE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I'M GOING TO MEET HER NOW, SO I'LL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

[ COUGHS ] WUSS.

SO, WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER SAY?

SHE WASN'T HAPPY.

I WAS AFRAID OF THAT. WHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER?

HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SMASHING YOUR HEAD IN WITH A BRICK

AND A THIRD CIRCUMCISION.

BUT HE WAS YELLING SO MUCH, THAT'S ALL I COULD GET.

OH, AND HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

OH.

HE SAID YOU BETTER HAVE SOME SERIOUS PLANS FOR US.

WELL, I DO, YOU KNOW?

WE'LL FINISH LUNCH.

AND THEN WHAT?

THAT'S ALL I GOT RIGHT NOW.

WELL, I HAVE SOME IDEAS.

I'LL GO TO COLLEGE, WE'LL HAVE THE BABY,

AND WE'LL GET JOBS SO WE CAN EARN SOME MONEY TO BUY A HOUSE.

THAT'S GOOD -- A HOUSE. CAN WE GET A DOG?

SURE. AND THEN I WAS THINKING WE COULD GET MARRIED.

CAN WE NAME THE DOG SPIKE?

YEAH. WE'LL NAME THE DOG SPIKE.

AND AFTER WE GET MARRIED, I'LL JOIN A SMALL LAW FIRM.

CAN SPIKE SLEEP WITH US?

YEAH, IF HE DOESN'T LICK THE BABY.

OKAY.

SO, ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING, I'LL JOIN A SMALL LAW FIRM.

BY THEN, ONE OF YOUR INVENTIONS WILL START PAYING OFF.

CAN WE TEACH HIM TO FETCH?

WHO?

SPIKE.

I'LL TAKE HIM FOR LONG NATURE WALKS

AND THROW A BALL, AND HE'LL BRING THEM BACK TO ME.

I'LL SAY, "GOOD BOY, SPIKE. WHO LOVES SPIKY?"

STOP WITH THE DOG, OKAY?!

WE'LL GET THE DOG ALREADY, OKAY?

OKAY.

I NEED YOU TO FOCUS.

[ SIGHS ]

WE HAVE TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT OUR FUTURE AND OUR BABY'S FUTURE.

I KNOW.

MY DAD DID OFFER ME A JOB WORKING WITH HIM,

BUT THAT MEANS I'D BE AWAY FROM YOU.

WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?

I TOLD HIM WE'D TALK IT OVER, BUT HERE'S WHAT I THINK --

YOU GO TO COLLEGE, AND I'LL GET A JOB CLOSE BY WHILE YOU STUDY.

DOING WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.

THERE MUST BE A LOT OF PLACES LIKE THIS UP THERE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR. HI.

WHAT DOES A JOB LIKE THAT PAY?

WELL, IF I WORKED EVERY DAY, INCLUDING HOLIDAYS,

THREW IN LITTLE OVERTIME, DIDN'T TAKE ANY BREAKS,

I'D STILL BE BELOW THE POVERTY LINE.

GUESS I BETTER TAKE THAT JOB WITH MY DAD.

Jay: GIRLS, COME ON. HURRY UP.

WE'LL DROP YOU OFF AT SCHOOL ON THE WAY TO WORK.

OKAY, MOMMY.

IS JUNIOR GONNA BE WORKING WITH YOU GUYS?

IF HE IS, HE'S RUNNING LATE ALREADY.

MICHAEL, TRY NOT TO BE TOO HARD ON HIM.

THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE.

WE DON'T HAVE A WHILE, JAY.

HAVE NINE MONTHS TO TAKE DUMMY TO DADDY.

I GOTTA TEACH HIM THAT THERE'S NO FREE RIDES.

OKAY, READY TO GO TO WORK.

WELL, WELL, WELL, HE'S READY, JAY.

LOOK AT THERE.

COME HERE, SON. LET'S GO OVER THE RULES.

OKAY, YOU WORK EIGHT HOURS A DAY.

YOU HAVE TO BE PUNCTUAL.

THAT MEANS YOU GOT TO BE THERE ON TIME.

IF YOU'RE LATE, YOU MISS THE DAY, YOU DON'T GET PAID FOR IT.

IF YOU MISS TWO DAYS, YOU'RE FIRED.

GOT IT.

IN FACT, I WON'T EVEN STOP FOR BREAKFAST.

I'LL JUST PICK UP SOME SNACKS TO EAT ALONG THE WAY.

A MUFFIN,

MUSTARD FOR THE MUFFIN,

A FROZEN TV DINNER FOR THE MUSTARD.

SHOULD I WRITE THAT DOWN?

YEAH, WRITE THAT DOWN. COME HERE.

I WANT YOU AT WORK AT 9:00 SHARP.

DO NOT BE LATE.

I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD BE LATE.

I'M RIDING WITH THE BOSS. [ CHUCKLES ]

AREN'T I?

HOLD THIS.

UH, NO.

OH, COME ON! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING FAIR, JUNIOR.

IT'S ABOUT YOU BECOMING A MAN.

NOW, YOU GOTTA PRETEND THAT YOU WORK FOR A STRANGER.

NOW, IF I WAS YOU, I'D GET SOME HUSTLE IN MY STEP,

AND I'D GO MAKE THAT TRAIN.

OH!

BABY...THERE'S NO TRAIN.

OH, I FORGOT.

[ Softly ] HEY, JUNIOR, THERE'S NO TRAIN.

JUNIOR, THERE'S NO TRAIN COMING.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

JUNIOR, COME BACK.

HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. [ LAUGHS ]

PREGNANT?! JUNIOR GOT VANESSA PREGNANT?!

OH, YOU KNOW THEY'RE BOTH GOING TO HELL, RIGHT?

WHY ARE THEY GOING TO HELL?

FORNICATION. DUH.

THAT'S SPELLS H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS.

IN FACT, THEY'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO REGULAR HELL.

THEY'RE GOING TO BAD HELL.

THERE'S A BAD HELL?

[ SHIVERS ]

YOU KNOW WHAT, TONY?

WHAT?

YOU'RE TURNING INTO A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS.

CLAIRE, DID YOU JUST HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

YOU JUST SAID, "A"-DOUBLE-SNAKES.

SHUT UP, TONY.

WAIT, I'M NOT THE ONE THAT DID ANYTHING WRONG HERE.

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS IN TROUBLE,

AND INSTEAD OF SHOWING COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING,

YOU SIT THERE JUDGING HIM.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE,

INCLUDING US.

REALLY?

NO, NEVER,

BECAUSE YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE A HORSE'S "A"-DOUBLE-SNAKES.

YOU SAID "ASS."

[ GASPS ]

EXCUSE ME, MR. KYLE.

HEY, TONY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

UM, DO YOU THINK THAT I'M TOO JUDGMENTAL?

YES.

NO. REALLY?

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

THIS ISN'T A JOKE, MR. KYLE. I'M SERIOUS.

I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH -- YOU'RE A POMPOUS, PIOUS,

SELF-RIGHTEOUS, ARROGANT YOUNG MAN.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, I LOVE THOSE SHOES.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

IT'S TRUE. I'M TOO JUDGMENTAL.

I'M A SINNER, AND I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I AM SORRY FOR ANY TIME THAT I MIGHT HAVE OFFENDED YOU.

IT'S OKAY, TONY.

I'M SORRY THAT I LUST AFTER YOUR DAUGHTER.

OKAY, TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS!

I HAD A DREAM THAT SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SHOWER,

GLISTENING LIKE A WET SEAL.

SHE WAS LIKE [IMITATING SEAL BARK]

GOD, HELP ME! I LIKED IT.

AAH!

HEY, SON, SO, HOW WAS THE FIRST DAY AT WORK?

WHAT FIRST DAY?

I WAS 20 MINUTES LATE, SO YOU SENT ME HOME.

OH. YEAH.

THAT WAS GREAT.

THERE'S NO TRAIN, YOU KNOW?

I TRIED TO TELL YOU BEFORE YOU RAN OUT OF HERE.

I YELLED, I SAID,

[ Softly ] "JUNIOR, THERE'S NO TRAIN."

[ Normal voice ] I GUESS YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME.

SO YOU LEARNED A LESSON, SON.

IF YOU WANT TO BE TO WORK ON TIME,

YOU HAVE TO LEAVE EARLY.

TOMORROW, I EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE ON TIME.

OTHERWISE, DON'T BOTHER COMING IN.

FINE.

FINE, YOU WILL BE THERE ON TIME?

OR FINE, YOU'RE NOT COMING IN?

I DON'T KNOW.

SON, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SINK OR SWIM, OKAY?

I'M JUST PROVIDING THE POOL.

BE ON TIME. 9:00 SHARP.

[ SIGHS ]

MICHAEL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU THINK HE'S GONNA MAKE IT OR NOT?

I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE. HE'S JUST ANOTHER EMPLOYEE.

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, THERE GOES YOUR ANSWER.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

YES! THANK GOD. YES!

COME IN, BABY!

OH, IT'S ONLY YOU.

JUST WANTED TO KNOW

WHAT TO DO WITH THIS SHIPMENT OF SUPPOSITORIES.

STICK 'EM IN YOUR --

IN THE TRUCK, RIGHT, BABY? IN THE TRUCK.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY, MICHAEL. I'M JUST REALLY DISAPPOINTED.

I THOUGHT THE BOY WAS REALLY GONNA SHOW UP.

LOOK, I HAD THIS HAT SPECIALLY MADE FOR HIM.

LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING.

WHAT, DID YOU HAVE TO GET A PRESCRIPTION TO GET THIS HAT?

THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU, BABY.

THANK YOU.

AND LOOK. SEE? IT WON'T GO TO WASTE.

THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM...

THANK YOU, BABY.

...WHEN HE WAS LITTLE, REMEMBER?

REMEMBER HIS SONOGRAM?

BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO. WE GOT WORK TO DO.

OH, HE MADE IT! MY BABY MADE IT!

SEE, MICHAEL, HE MADE IT!

HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE! BUT HE'S LATE.

SO HE'S FIRED.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

[ High-pitched voice ] WHO IS IT?

IT'S JUNIOR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, JUNIOR?

HI. IS MR. KYLE HOME?

SORRY. HE'S NO HERE.

IT'S JUST ME, MANNY. COULD I TAKE A MESSAGE?

SURE. COULD YOU TELL HIM HIS SON STOPPED BY?

HIS SON COME BY? WHICH SON?

THE OLDEST.

IT'S THE OLDEST? IS THIS JUNIOR?

YEAH, IT'S THE JUNIOR.

[ Normal voice ] GET IN HERE, BOY.

HEY, DAD, YOU'RE BACK.

DID MANNY GIVE YOU MY MESSAGE?

GUESS I SHOULD WRITE THAT DOWN.

YEAH.

WRITE THAT DOWN AND THEN DRAW IT OUT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING SO HARD ON ME.

I'M HARD ON YOU BECAUSE LIFE IS HARD,

AND I'M TRYING TO PREPARE YOU FOR IT.

YOUR MOTHER AND I, WE'RE JUST REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

BUT I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU'RE MAD AT ME ALL THE TIME.

LOOK, I'M NOT MAD AT YOU.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU.

HOW? BY BREAKING MY SPIRIT, CRITICIZING ME,

MAKING ME WALK AROUND WITH THIS DUM-DUM NOTEBOOK?

YOU WANT ME TO BE A MAN, BUT YOU TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD.

BECAUSE YOU ACT LIKE A CHILD, YOU CAN'T GET TO WORK ON TIME.

I WAS THERE AT 9:00. NO, 9:01.

YOU WANT TO IMPRESS ME, BE THERE AT 8:30 OR 8:00.

I'M TRYING, DAD!

YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH, JUNIOR!

YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE A FATHER.

IF HAVING A BABY IN THIS WORLD DOESN'T MOTIVATE YOU,

THEN NOTHING WILL.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND I PROMISE,

FROM THIS MOMENT ON, I'LL DO MY BEST.

COME HERE.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, DAD.

I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW.

I CAN HAVE MY JOB BACK?

YOU GONNA BE THERE ON TIME? YEAH.

HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE?

'CAUSE I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW. [ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, COME HERE.

YOUR MOTHER MADE YOU A HAT.

KIND OF TIGHT IN THE BACK.

HEY, BABY, WHAT YOU READING?

"THE LITTLE PRINCE."

WHAT'S THAT ABOUT, A LITTLE BOY THAT CRIES LIKE THIS?

[ IMITATING PRINCE ]

MNH-MNH.

GET IT? HE CRIES... [ IMITATING PRINCE ]

PRINCE.

WSSHHHEW!

ANYHOO...

NO, PRETTY SOON,

I'M GONNA BE READING THIS BOOK TO THE NEW BABY.

WOW. MNH-MNH.

WHAT? YOU JUST SAID, "WOW. MNH-MNH."

IN MARRIAGE, THAT'S NOT GOOD. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I GUESS I'M JUST ANXIOUS ABOUT FACING OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

THEY'RE GONNA BE LOOKING AT ME WITH THAT LOOK

THAT SAYS, "THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE.

YOU'RE A BAD MOTHER."

SHUT YOUR MOUTH. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

I GOT IT. YEAH.

THAT'S LIKE...

YEAH. YEAH.

HEY, LOOK... YOU'RE NOT A BAD MOTHER.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOTHER. PROVE IT.

WE STILL GOT CLAIRE AND KADY. THAT'S TWO OUT OF THREE.

IN BASEBALL, YOU'RE IN THE HALL OF FAME.

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S WHY I'M STILL WITH YOU. YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH.

LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE LIFE WE PLANNED FOR JUNIOR,

BUT I REALLY BELIEVE IT'S GONNA WORK OUT.

PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

MMM.

HEY, YOU THINK TONIGHT I COULD GET SOME "A"-DOUBLE-SNAKES?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT IS THAT?

TURN OUT THE LIGHT. I'LL SHOW YOU.

WHOOPSIE!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

♪ MY SHERI, AMORE ♪

♪ TRIPPIN' OFF THE MILKY WAY ♪

♪ MY SHERI, AMORE ♪

♪ WON'T YOU GET SOMETHING FROM THE STORE ♪