Original subtitles

OKAY, BABE. FOLLOW ME.

[ THUMP ] OW! IS THAT THE SURPRISE?

HA HA!

SORRY, BABE! I'M SORRY.

OKAY, HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

HERE WE GO. SURPRISE.

WE'RE IN THE GARAGE.

AND?

AND JUNIOR'S NOT HERE.

AND?

AND YOU WANT TO MAKE LOVE IN THE GARAGE?

YOU FREAKY LITTLE THING. WHAT ARE YOU...

LET ME TURN ON THE DRYER HERE

SO THAT BUTT CAN GO AROUND LIKE THAT.

MICHAEL, MICHAEL.

MICHAEL! COME BACK TO ME.

NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT THE SURPRISE.

THAT'S NOT THE SURPRISE?

NO. NO, IT'S NOT.

ALL RIGHT, THEN I GIVE UP...

UNLESS IT'S THAT STUPID BOOKSHELF.

THAT IS IT, BUT IT'S NOT STUPID, MICHAEL.

IT'S A SIMPLE THING THAT MAKES THE ROOM MORE HOMEY AND COMFY.

BABY, I DON'T WANT THIS ROOM MORE HOMEY AND COMFY FOR JUNIOR.

I WANT IT AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE

SO HE HAS INCENTIVE TO LEAVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? THIS IS A PRISON CELL.

IT'S PUNISHMENT FOR WHAT HE DID BACK IN OUR ROOM.

YOU'RE STILL NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT, ARE YOU?

I CAN'T FORGET IT. HE HAD SEX IN OUR BED.

MICHAEL, YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO TRY

TO HAVE SEX WITH ME IN HIS ROOM!

I'M TRYING TO TEACH HIM A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.

[ Chuckling ] MICHAEL, WAIT!

WAIT. IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,

I JUST MIGHT TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER.

BLACKJACK. LET'S GET IT STARTED.

NO! I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

I LIKE IT. THAT'S NOT IT.

I KNOW WHERE YOUR EYES WERE LOOKING.

LOOK! SCONCES.

WOW!

LOOK-IT HERE... SCONCES. THIS IS NICE.

THAT IS NOT A... THAT'S A DOILY.

IT'S A DOILY?

YES. THESE ARE SCONCES.

OH, I LIKE THE SCONCES.

WHY DON'T YOU CLIMB YOUR BUTT UP ON THIS DOILY...

MICHAEL! WILL YOU PLEASE LOOK AT MY SCONCES?

THEY'RE NICE.

BABY, YOU ARE THE MARTHA STEWART OF REMODELING.

YOU ARE THE MODEL REMODELER.

SEE, I'M SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP

'CAUSE I WAS JUST TALKING TO A CONTRACTOR.

AND WHY DO YOU NEED A CONTRACTOR?

BECAUSE I WANT TO REMODEL THE GARAGE, BABY.

OH, WHY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

IT'S A GARAGE.

WE CAN'T CONTINUE TO LET THE KIDS LIVE IN HERE LIKE THIS.

WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT PUNISHMENT

FOR WHAT HE DID IN OUR ROOM, JAY?

WILL YOU PLEASE FORGET THE PUNISHMENT?

THERE'S AN OIL STAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PRICE OF OIL IS?

HMM? THAT ADDS EQUITY.

WHAT?! NO, MICHAEL, IT'S DANGEROUS

AND IT'S SLIPPERY.

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES?

IT HELPS TO HEIGHTEN YOUR SENSES.

IF YOU WALK ON AN OIL STAIN,

THEN YOU START TO SLIP... WHO-O-O-O-A!

IT HELPS YOU WITH YOUR EQUILIBRIUM AND BALANCE.

OKAY, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO BRING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY,

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO.

I'M PULLING THE GRANDBABY CARD.

OH, LORD HAVE MER... OH, IT'S A BIG...

YOUR GRANDSON...

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. THE WALK.

I SEE. NO, NO, NO, NO. NO.

LET IT GO!

THAT'S RIGHT...

THE FRUIT OF THE FRUIT OF YOUR LOINS IS LIVING IN A GARAGE.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR BABY LIVING IN A GARAGE.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THIS IS A TIME-CONSUMING PROCESS.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO HAVE BIDS.

GOT IT.

WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO GET PERMITS.

GOT IT.

AND YOU ALSO GOT...

GOT IT.

GOT IT! I GOT EVERYTHING.

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE?

CONTRACTOR'S MEETING US HERE IN THE MORNING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE?

WHAT? MY PERMISSION.

GOT IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M WRITING A LOVE LETTER TO NUNYA.

NUNYA WHO? NUNYA BUSINESS.

WELL, I'M WRITING A LOVE LETTER TO FRANKLIN,

AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WANTED TO HEAR IT?

UH, SURE.

OKAY. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

"ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE,

"I'M FOUR FOOT ONE, AND YOU'RE THREE FOOT TWO.

LOVE, KADY."

[ LAUGHS ] IS THIS A LOVE LETTER

OR ARE YOU TRYING TO INSULT HIM?

[ GASPS ] YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

WELL, YOU NEED TO STOP REFERRING TO HIS HEIGHT.

THEN WHAT SHOULD I WRITE ABOUT?

WELL, JUST TELL HIM THE WAY HE MAKES YOU FEEL.

TALL?

[ LAUGHS ] NO. EMOTIONALLY.

LOOK, I JUST WROTE THIS LETTER TO TONY.

WHY DON'T YOU READ THIS AND USE IT AS A GUIDELINE

TO WHAT A REAL LOVE LETTER SOUNDS LIKE?

OKAY, THANKS.

THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS REAL GOOD.

OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

WE'RE GONNA KNOCK THIS WALL OUT COMPLETELY,

PUT IN SOME NICE INSULATION RIGHT IN THERE.

I DON'T THINK SO. WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CAN YOU SEE INSULATION?

NOT IF IT'S DONE RIGHT.

OKAY, THEN I'M NOT PAYING FOR IT.

I'M ONLY PAYING FOR THINGS I SEE.

YOU WANT TO SHOW US SOME "OUTSULATION,"

I'LL PAY FOR THAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, YOU DON'T SEE NAILS, DO YOU? THEN WE DON'T USE THEM.

WELL, THEN, WHAT'S GONNA HOLD EVERYTHING TOGETHER?

YOU CAN USE GUM, GLUE, STAPLES,

[SNORTS] SOME OF THAT STUFF.

SOMETHING I CAN SEE, WOODY.

COME HERE. EXCUSE US FOR A SECOND, WOODY.

COME OVER HERE, PLEASE. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT WAS THAT?

JAY, YOU CAN'T LET THESE GUYS HUSTLE YOU.

HE'S A CON MAN.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM CONTRACTOR

BECAUSE "CON-TRACT"... CON, TO ROB,

TAKEN FROM THE ROOT WORD "CONVICT"...

TO ROB YOU OF YOUR TRACTION.

SEE, IF HE WAS HONEST,

HE'D BE CALLED "HONTRACTOR"... AN HONEST TRACTOR."

THAT'S ABOUT THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY.

YOU KNOW WHY? LET ME TELL YOU WHY IT'S DUMB.

IT'S DUMB BECAUSE THIS IS NOT YOUR MONEY WE'RE SPENDING.

WHOA! WAIT, NO!

YOU CLARIFY THIS FOR ME

'CAUSE I'M NOT SPEN... WHAT... WHAT MONEY?

IF WE GOT A DIVORCE, YOU'D GET HALF.

REMEMBER THAT.

BUT WE ARE HAPPILY IN LOVE.

FOR NOW! FOR NOW.

YES, AND I'M CONTROLLING THE PURSE STRINGS.

AND I SAY YOU LET ME DO MY MAGIC.

I GOT THIS GUY'S RESPECT, JAY.

I DEAL WITH GUYS LIKE WOODY ALL THE TIME.

WOODY... THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HIM WOODY.

"WOOD" HE CHEAT YOU?

YES HE "WOOD-Y."

UNBELIEVABLE.

SEE, THIS GUY...

THE ONLY THING HE RESPONDS TO IS ME SAYING NO.

"NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA PUT IN A NEW FLOOR.

"NO, NO WALLS.

"NO, WE DON'T NEED A FOUNDATION.

"NO, WE DON'T WANT LIGHTS UP THERE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-Y, NO, NO."

HEY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? NO.

I JUST THOUGHT PERHAPS... NO.

CAN I HAVE A DRINK OF WATER?

NO, NO, NO-Y, NO, NO, NO.

I QUIT.

[ CHUCKLES ] SEE, THAT'S RESPECT, JAY.

HE'S GONE, MICHAEL!

NO, HEY, HEY, HEY. HE'S JUST PLAYING A ROLE.

THIS IS THE GAME... THE NEGOTIATION GAME.

SEE, HE WALKS OUTSIDE, AND HE WAITS IN HIS TRUCK.

AND THEN HE GIVES ME THE MIDDLE FINGER.

[ Chuckling ] AW, YEAH.

HE WANTS ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE'S REALLY UPSET.

AND THEN HE BACKS UP OVER THE MAILBOX,

AND HE GIVES ME THE FINGER AGAIN.

[ Chuckling ] WOW, THIS GUY IS GOOD, JAY.

HE PLAYS THE GAME, THIS GUY.

[ TAPPING ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HE WASN'T THE RIGHT GUY FOR THE JOB, ANYWAY.

AW, MICHAEL!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?!

LOOK, WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE DONE

IN THE FIRST PLACE, JAY.

WE'LL JUST DO IT OURSELVES.

YOU'RE GONNA DO IT YOURSELF?

YEAH, ME AND JUNIOR. [ SCOFFS ]

YOU AND JUNIOR ARE GONNA USE

POWER TOOLS, NAIL GUNS, HOT GLUE?

YEAH, AND THAT THING THAT GOES... VRRR!

THAT CUTS THROUGH STUFF.

YOU MEAN A SAW? YEAH, THAT THING.

IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT BONDING EXPERIENCE FOR US.

YEAH, YOU CAN BOND ALL THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL IN AN AMBULANCE.

YOU GO ON AND LAUGH, JAY.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

HE WHO LAUGHS LAST GETS THE FIRST LAUGH

AFTER THE GUY WHO LAUGHED BEFORE HIM.

AND IF HE LAUGHED THAT TIME,

THEN IMAGINE HOW GOOD THE LAUGH WILL BE

WHEN YOU LAST LAUGH LAST.

HEY, FRANKLIN. HAVE YOU SEEN CLAIRE?

SHE'S UPSTAIRS.

TIGHT. [ SIGHS ]

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

A LOVE LETTER. KADY HAS SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS.

LISTEN TO THIS.

"I THINK YOU'RE REALLY NEAT. YOUR KISSES ARE SO SWEET.

"YOU KNOCK ME OFF MY FEET. YOU MAKE ME FEEL COMPLETE.

POUND. "POUND."

HU-U-U-H? HU-U-U-H?

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY LETTER?

NO. HAVE YOU BEEN READING MINE?

LET ME SEE YOURS. LET ME SEE YOURS.

THEY'RE IDENTICAL! THAT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE THING.

CLAIRE OBVIOUSLY PLAGIARIZED KADY'S LETTER.

IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE.

IF CLAIRE WERE COPYING KADY,

YOU'D HAVE ALSO GOTTEN ONE OF THESE...

CANDY NECKLACES. CANDY NECKLACES.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S JUST ANOTHER AMAZING COINCIDENCE.

BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT

THAT CLAIRE GOT ME AND ONLY ME A BOX OF CARAMEL-COVERED...

SO IT'S TRUE.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN RIPPING SOMEBODY OFF.

BUT THE QUESTION IS, WHO?

WELL, THAT'S EASILY CHECKED. EVERY LETTER HAS A DATE.

WHICHEVER LETTER IS DATED FIRST IS THE ORIGINAL.

OUCH. I'M CRESTFALLEN.

MY DEAR KADY IS A PLAGIARIST.

WELL, I'M SURE IF YOU GOT ALL THAT,

THEN YOU MUST HAVE GOT A PAIR OF THESE PINK PANTIES?

MMM, NO, I DIDN'T GET ANY OF THOSE. NAH.

YOU KNOW, THEY GOT MIXED IN WITH THE REDS.

YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M WEIRD. I'M NOT WEIRD, OKAY?

Junior: GO, GO, GO!

AH HA HA HA!

SAY MAMMA. SAY MAMMA!

AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!

[ LAUGHING ]

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME! YOU TWO, EXCUSE ME.

I THINK THE BABY NEEDS TO BE CHANGED.

HE'S NOT CRYING. WELL, MY EYES ARE TEARING UP. HE STINKS.

SORRY, MAMMA, BUT THAT WASN'T THE BABY.

OHHHH! JUNIOR, MY MOUTH WAS OPEN THAT TIME! GOD!

HERE'S YOUR RATTLE, JUNIOR JUNIOR.

DON'T YOU LOVE THE RATTLE? DON'T YOU LOVE THE RATTLE?

GIVE HIM THE RATTLE. NOW GIVE ME THE RATTLE.

DON'T YOU LOVE THE RATTLE?

I LOVE THE RATTLE!

GIVE ME THE RATTLE. GIVE ME THE RATTLE.

I WANT THE RATTLE. I WANT THE RATTLE.

YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

Michael: YES, BABY, I'M COMING.

MICHAEL, COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

WHAT? YES, YES. WHAT, WOMAN? WHAT?

MICHAEL, THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS REMODEL GONNA TAKE?

HEY, DON'T... YOU... RUSH... ART.

THE SISTINE CHAPEL WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY.

THE PYRAMIDS WEREN'T A WEEKEND PROJECT.

AND THE TAJ MAHAL CERTAINLY DIDN'T JUST POP UP OVERNIGHT.

WELL, MICHAEL. YOU BETTER GET IT DONE,

AND YOU BETTER GET IT DONE QUICKLY

OR ELSE I'M CALLING A CONTRACTOR.

BABY, YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY THAT... NO.

BUT IF I GIVE THE... NO!

YOU NEED TO GIVE ME... NO!

CAN I HAVE A KISS?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-Y, NO, NO.

HUH! GOT IT.

A COUPLE MORE STEPS, DAD. UGH!

UGH! DON'T GIVE OUT ON ME NOW.

UGH! UGHH! UGH!

UGH!

UHH! UHH!

JUNIOR, LET ME SEE YOUR HAMMER.

OH, SURE. ♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO ♪

♪ CAN'T TOUCH THIS DO-DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO ♪

♪ CAN'T TOUCH THIS ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO CAN'T TOUCH THIS ♪

♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM MMM-MMM MMM... ♪

I TOUCHED IT.

NOW, LET'S GO OVER THE SAFETY CHECKLIST, ALL RIGHT?

IF YOU LOOK AROUND, YOU'LL SEE

THAT WE'RE IN A VERY DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT.

OKAY, YOU NOTICE SOME OF THESE 2x4s

STILL HAVE NAILS PROTRUDING FROM THEM.

SO YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL. ALWAYS BE CAREFUL.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, THINK SAFETY.

YOU GOT YOUR PROTECTIVE GOGGLES IN CASE, YOU KNOW,

SOME DEBRIS FLIES OUT AND TRIES TO HIT YOU IN THE EYE.

AND MOST OF ALL, JUNIOR, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL

BECAUSE WE GOT A LOT OF EXPOSED WIRES AROUND HERE.

AND THEY'RE WHAT WE CALL IN THE BUSINESS... HOT.

WELL, IF THEY'RE HOT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COOL THEM OFF?

BECAUSE... BOY, ARE YOU STILL DOING THE HAMMER?

THAT'S NOT EVEN A GOOD HAMMER. THIS IS THE WAY YOU DO HAMMER.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

WHAT HAPPENED? MICHAEL!

OHH! OH!

MICHAEL, YOU'RE DANCING WHILE YOUR SON IS BEING ELECTROCUTED?!

I THOUGHT HE WAS DOING HAMMER!

I WANT YOU TO STOP ALL THIS MADNESS AND CALL WOODY.

NO. YOU CALL WOODY.

YOU BETTER CALL. NO.

YOU KEEP PLAYING WITH ME. YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX?

NO, NO, NO-Y, NO, NO.

WAIT, WAIT. I-I DIDN'T MEAN THAT ONE.

SO WHAT'S THE PLAN?

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

I JUST WENT TO THE LIBRARY,

AND I PICKED UP ALL THESE BOOKS ON HOW TO DO IT YOURSELF.

GREAT! LET'S GET STARTED.

DON'T YELL IN MY EAR LIKE THAT.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS.

"HOW TO CONVERT YOUR GARAGE." CHAPTER ONE, PAGE ONE.

PAGE ONE. LET'S GET STARTED.

ALL RIGHT.

FIRST THING YOU DO IS SELECT A GROMMET.

JUNIOR, GO GET THE GROMMET. GOTCHA.

UM, DAD? WHAT'S A GROMMET?

[ CHUCKLES ] BOY, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A GROMMET IS?

NO. DO YOU, DADDY?

[ CHUCKLING, SNORTING ]

OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT A GROMMET IS.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M HERE TO TEACH YOU.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THROUGH PROCESS OF ELIMINATION,

WE'RE GONNA TEACH YOU WHAT A GROMMET IS.

BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT A GROMMET IS.

IT'S UP TO YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT A GROMMET IS.

IS THAT A GROMMET?

NO.

THEN PUT THAT IN THAT PILE RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S THE PILE THAT'S NOT GROMMET.

ALL RIGHT.

IS... THIS A GROMMET?

NO, THAT'S A SKATEBOARD.

OKAY, THEN WE PUT THIS IN THE DEFINITELY NOT A GROMMET.

WE PUT THAT IN THE SKATEBOARD PILE.

ALL RIGHT.

IS THIS A GROMMET? IT LOOK GROMMETY.

MAYBE.

OKAY, LET'S TEST IT OUT.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TEST IT TO SEE IF IT'S THE GROMMET.

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

DOES IT FEEL LIKE A GROMMET?

NOOOOO!

OKAY, THEN IT'S NOT A GROMMET. ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL PUT THAT IN THE MAYBE PILE.

MAYBE GROMMET, MAYBE NOT.

ALL RIGHT, IS THIS A GROMMET?

NO. I KNOW.

LET ME TEST IT OUT. NO.

ALL RIGHT.

[ WHIMPERS ]

OW! OW! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAAH!

IS THAT A GROMMET? NO.

YEAH, IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A GROMMET.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

SO WE'LL PUT THIS IN THE MAYBE-A-GROMMET PILE.

[ SIGHS ]

HOW MANY THINGS DO WE HAVE IN THE MAYBE-A-GROMMET PILE?

UH, 16, INCLUDING A FORK.

WE NARROWED IT DOWN, I THINK, TO ONE.

AND WHAT'S THAT?

THIS, SIR, I BELIEVE, IS A GROMMET.

YOU WANT TO TEST IT OUT?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO TEST IT OUT.

IT SAYS GROMMET ON IT.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

SO NOW WE GO TO THE NEXT SENTENCE IN CHAPTER ONE.

IT SAYS, "INSERT THE GROMMET

INTO THE FLANGE."

FOUND IT.

I WROTE A LETTER FOR YOU TO GIVE TO FRANKLIN.

YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?

NO, THAT'S OKAY. I THINK YOU SHOULD HEAR IT.

"DEAR FRANKLIN, I'M A PLAGIARIZING LITTLE WEASEL,

"AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SEE IN ME.

LOVE, KADY."

I'M REALLY SORRY, CLAIRE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

IT'S JUST THAT YOUR LETTER WAS SO BEAUTIFUL,

AND IT WAS EXACTLY HOW I FELT.

THAT'S REALLY SWEET, KADY.

I'M FLATTERED THAT YOU THINK I HAVE A BRAIN IN MY HEAD.

I MEAN, MOST PEOPLE DON'T.

BUT AS FLATTERED AS I AM,

STEALING SOMEONE ELSE'S IDEAS IS WRONG.

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS OF MY OWN.

OH, SURE YOU DO.

JUST WRITE FRANKLIN AND TELL HIM

HOW YOU REALLY FEEL FROM YOUR HEART.

BUT WHEN I WRITE THINGS DOWN, I SOUND SO STUPID.

FRANKLIN WON'T THINK IT'S STUPID.

ARE YOU SURE? I'M SURE.

IN FACT, HE'LL PROBABLY GET SO OVERWHELMED,

THAT HE'LL GET YOU ONE OF THESE... A SILVER CHARM...

BRACE... LET. BRACE... LET.

FRANKLIN. THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

LOOK, WE'RE MAKING A LOT OF PROGRESS.

BUT I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE WIRING.

WELL, YOU HAPPEN TO BE IN LUCK. I'M A LICENSED CONTRACTOR.

OH, YEAH? LET'S SEE IF HE'S LYING.

WHAT'S A GROMMET?

IT'S THE THING ATTACHED TO THE FLANGE OVER THERE.

WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, IS INSTALLED BACKWARDS.

WELL, UM... WELL...

WE WERE GOING FOR A BACKWARDS KIND OF LOOK.

WE GONNA PUT THE FLOOR ON THE CEILING.

YEAH, YEAH, WE DOING THAT.

EVERYTHING [STAMMERS] ART DECO.

LET'S... LET'S GET TO WORK, THOUGH.

LET'S. I'M GONNA CHECK THIS WIRING.

HMM?

FRANKLIN, ARE YOU WEARING PINK PANTIES?

[ BREATHES RAPIDLY ] YEAH... YES.

BUT... BUT I CAN EXPLAIN.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. THEY WERE...

A GIFT. A GIFT.

I KNOW, BUT JAY SAID THAT EVERYBODY WAS...

WEARING THEM. WEARING THEM. WEARING THEM.

OKAY, WELL, SINCE YOU GUYS GOT THE PANTIES,

I'M SURE YOU GOT THE MATCHING PINK TRAINING BRAS.

MNH-MNH.

THAT'S NASTY. THAT'S... UGH.

OKAY.

KADY.

KADY! KADY!!

OH! [ CHUCKLES ] FRANKLIN. HI.

I CAME OVER TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT THIS LETTER THAT YOU REALLY WROTE ME.

YOU HATE IT, DON'T YOU?

[ SIGHS ] LET ME UTTER YOUR WORDS BEFORE I COMMENT.

"DEAR FRANKLIN...

"OHHHH.

LUV, KADY."

IT'S AWFUL.

CONTRAIRE. IT'S BRILLIANT.

YOU EVEN SPELLED LOVE

L-U-V LIKE BARRY WHITE.

WHO?! IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT MATTERS IS THE SILENCE IN THIS LETTER

IS SO MUCH MORE ELOQUENT THAN ALL THE WORDS IN THE WORLD.

BY SAYING NOTHING, YOU'VE SAID EVERYTHING.

ANYONE CAN WRITE A HAIKU.

YOU HAVE INVENTED THE "LOWKU."

YOU REALLY LIKE IT?

I "LOVED-ED-ED" IT.

WATCH HERE. WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

[ THUMP ] MICHAEL!

YEAH, RIGHT THERE. PAYBACK.

COME ON IN.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE, EVERYBODY OPEN THEIR EYES.

ONE...

COME ON!

TWO...

THREE!

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

MICHAEL, THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.

IT REALLY LOOKS FABULOUS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS ALL BY YOURSELF.

WELL, I ACTUALLY HAD A LITTLE HELP FROM JUNIOR.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE FEELING YOU GET

FROM DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR OWN HANDS.

I FEEL LIKE THAT EVERY NIGHT.

AND IN THE MORNING.

AND IN THE SHOWER.

AND TWO MINUTES AGO. ALL RIGHT, JUNIOR!

MICHAEL, LOOK. BABY, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

I DOUBTED YOU AT FIRST, AND I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT.

BUT THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL JOB.

YEAH, DAD.

THIS PLACE IS ALMOST TOO NICE FOR US.

IT SURE IS.

IT IS?

WELL, IT'S WAY TOO NICE FOR YOU.

I MEAN, IT WOULD BE JUST PLAIN OLD WRONG

TO REWARD YOU WITH ALL OF THIS.

YEAH, DAD. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?

OH, I DO THINK THE BABY NEEDS A NEW ROOM.

IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA LET YOU, VANESSA, AND THAT BABY

HAVE YOUR OLD ROOM BACK.

REALLY? THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO MICHAEL'S WORLD?

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLING INTENSIFIES ]

[ LAUGHING ]

MICHAEL!

YES, DEAR.

AND I SAY LET ME DO MY MAGIC.

I'VE GOT THIS GUY'S RESPECT, JAY.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

HONEY, NOT YET.

[ LAUGHS ]

IF YOU LOOK AROUND, YOU'LL SEE

THAT WE'RE IN A VERY DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT.