Original subtitles

[ PANTING ]

MMM. MNH-MNH. OH, BABY, I'M SORRY!

I'M SORRY.

OKAY, I WAS AT THIS GREAT GARAGE SALE YESTERDAY,

AND I GOT YOU A PRESENT.

OH! WHAT IS IT?

IT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN PLAY WITH WHEN I'M GONE.

OH, I'VE ALREADY GOT THAT.

NO, SILLY, IT'S SOMETHING ELSE.

INTRIGUING.

OKAY. I GOT IT FOR ALMOST NOTHING, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE FUN.

GUESS WHAT IT IS. OKAY, LET'S SEE... CHEAP BUT FUN.

HMM. IS IT A HOOKER?

OKAY, NO, IT'S NOT A HOOKER.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME GIVE YOU A HINT.

GIVE ME YOUR HAND. OKAY.

OH, VANESSA, I ALREADY GOT THIS!

OKAY, FORGET IT, FORGET IT. JUST LOOK.

OH, COOL! ARMLESS FOOTBALL GUYS ON RODS!

NO, SILLY, IT'S A FOOSBALL TABLE.

IT'S LIKE MECHANIZED SOCCER.

THE GUY SAID IT WAS REALLY POPULAR

BACK IN THE OLD DAYS, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE '90s.

WELL, LET'S PLAY IT. OKAY.

YOU'RE ON. GET READY TO LOSE!

WOW. YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS, HONEY.

THANKS, HONEY. OH, OKAY, OKAY.

MMM! LUPA LINDA!

[ GRUNTING LOUDLY ]

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME, DAD.

I PASSED IT TO MY FORWARD GUYS, THEN, BOOM, I SCORED!

LUPA LINDA, I SCORED!

IN YOUR FACE, GIRL! IN YOUR FACE!

Janet: HEY, HEY!

NOW, THAT IS RUDE. THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR WIFE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM, BUT IT WAS SO SWEET.

I MEAN, 5-0. SKUNKED, SKUNKED, SKUNKED!

OH, SHUT UP! IT'S JUST A STUPID GAME. WHICH YOU LOST!

Michael: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HEY!

HEY, KNOCK IT OFF. YOU'RE BEING OBNOXIOUS.

PART OF WINNING IS BEING GRACIOUS,

AND PART OF ACTING LIKE A MAN

IS NOT SAYING STUFF LIKE, "LUPA LINDA! LUPA LINDA!"

NO, DAD, THAT'S MY VICTORY WORD.

I SCORE AND I SHOUT, "LUPA LINDA!"

YEAH, WELL, IT'S A STUPID WORD, AND YOU'RE A STUPID BOY

IF YOU INSIST ON ACTING LIKE A STUPID GOON

'CAUSE YOU WON A STUPID GAME.

YEAH, YOU'RE REPULSIVE ENOUGH WITHOUT FOOSBALL.

YEAH, DON'T MAKE THINGS WORSE.

YEAH, AND I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR WIFE.

YEAH.

YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.

I'M SORRY. GIVE ME THE LUSCIOUS.

THANK YOU.

OH, I'M SO SORRY... THAT I BEAT YOU LIKE AN OLD RUG!

HA! LUPA LINDA! HA HA!

WE'RE TELLING THE BABY! HE'LL NEVER RESPECT YOU!

HA!

Michael: HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S IT.

ONE MORE "LUPA LINDA,"

AND YOU AND THAT STUPID FOOSBALL TABLE GONNA BE OUT THE HOUSE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME OF FOOSBALL WITH THE CHAMP?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY A GAME OF FOOSBALL WITH THE CHUMP.

[ SNIFFING ] WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

WHAT SMELL?

IT SMELLS LIKE FEAR.

HEY!

IS THAT COMING FROM YOU, DAD?!

ARE YOU SCARED TO PLAY ME?!

ARE YOU AFRAID THAT YOU'LL GO DOWN IN DEFEAT, TOO?!

BOY, YOU BETTER GET YOUR HOT BREATH UP OUT OF MY FACE!

AND, NO, I'M NOT GONNA GET SUCKERED

INTO PLAYING NO STUPID CHILD'S GAME WITH YOU.

[ CLUCKING ]

I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST PLAY HIM.

NO, HE WON'T DO THAT BECAUSE HE'S TOO

[CLUCKING RESUMES] CHICKEN.

I'M NOT CHICKEN. I HAPPEN TO BE MATURE.

RIGHT, AN OLD CHICKEN.

[ CLUCKING RESUMES ]

OW, MY HIP.

MAKE HIM STOP, DAD.

STOP WHAT, DOING THE [CLUCKING RESUMES]

[ High-pitched voice ] OWW.

LET ME CONSULT WITH YOUR MOTHER.

BABE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU OUGHT TO KICK THIS FOOL'S ASS.

OKAY, IT'S ON. ME AND YOU, LET'S GO.

LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

YOU NEED TO BACK UP!

YOU BETTER BACK UP, BOY!

COME ON, BABY, COME ON. COME ON, MICHAEL!

LUPA LINDA!

IN YOUR FACE, DADDY, IN YOUR FACE! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU STOP YAPPING AND LET'S JUST PLAY?

ALL RIGHT, 4-4. NEXT GOAL WINS.

COME ON, MICHAEL.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK, OR DO YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOS?

LOOK, DAD, ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO... AH!

LUPA LINDA! [ GRUNTING LOUDLY ]

NOW WE GOT TO PUT UP WITH MORE OF THIS CRAP.

I'M GONNA MOVE OUT UNTIL SOMEBODY BEATS HIM.

NO, WE'RE GONNA PLAY THE BEST TWO OUT OF THREE.

NO, I'M GONNA QUIT WHILE I'M AHEAD

AND LORD IT OVER YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

IF YOU DON'T PLAY ME AGAIN,

I'M GONNA FIRE YOU FROM WORK,

AND THROW YOU OUT ON THE STREET.

WELL, SINCE YOU PUT IT THAT WAY...

DAD, YOU NEED A WORD LIKE HIS "LUPA LINDA."

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE?

WHATEVER COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU SCORE A GOAL.

YEAH, JUST LET IT COME OUT.

BOO-YA SHAKA!

Claire: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT WORD FROM?

[ Chuckling ] ASK YOUR MAMA.

[ CHUCKLES ]

EW.

OKAY, THAT WAS A LUCKY SHOT.

OH, YEAH? THIS AIN'T LUCK, NO LUCK AT ALL.

I'M FEELING THIS NOW. I'M FEELING IT.

WATCH IT. OH! BOO-YA SHAKA!

WHOO!

[ LAUGHTER ]

IN YOUR FACE! LUPA LINDA!

I'M GONNA TELL YOUR SON, AND HE AIN'T GONNA RESPECT YOU!

THAT WAS GREAT.

I TOLD YOU MICHAEL COULD DO IT.

LET'S CELEBRATE WITH SOME DESSERT.

OOH, CHEESECAKE. ICE CREAM.

HOW ABOUT ICE CREAM ON TOP OF CHEESECAKE?

IN YOUR FACE, SUCKER!

HUH?! HUH?! IN YOUR FACE!

THAT'S FIVE GAMES IN A ROW, BOY!

OKAY, OKAY, DAD. YEAH, YEAH.

I'M GONNA TELL YOUR BABY ON YOU,

AND HE AIN'T GONNA RESPECT YOU NO MORE!

HE GONNA RUN AWAY!

AND LIVE WITH A DIFFERENT FATHER THAT CAN PLAY FOOSBALL!

IT DOESN'T FEEL VERY GOOD, DOES IT, JUNIOR?

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. I LEARNED MY LESSON, BABY.

I'M SORRY. YEAH, YOU RIGHT.

YOU SORRY!

YOUR SORRY OFFENSE, YOU GOT SORRY DEFENSE,

YOU JUST PLAIN OLD SORRY! WOW.

I'M GONNA TELL YOUR BABY YOU SORRY!

OKAY, MICHAEL, THAT'S ENOUGH.

THE BOY LEARNED HIS LESSON. DON'T DO WHAT HE DID, OKAY?

I'M NOT, JAY.

HE WAS ACTING LIKE A WINNER

WHEN HE WAS REALLY A LOSER IN WINNER CLOTHING.

YOU SEE ME OUT THERE? YOU SEE THAT WRIST ACTION?

YEAH, WE SAW YOU. WAS I GOOD OR NOT?

WAS I GOOD OR GREAT OR WHAT?

YOU WERE GOOD, DAD. NO, GREAT, WOMAN.

GREAT. ALL RIGHT.

HOW WAS I FROM YOUR ANGLE?

LOW BUT GREAT.

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH ALREADY.

LET'S JUST ENJOY OUR DESSERT

AND GET BACK TO BEING A NORMAL FAMILY, PLEASE.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND ENJOY OUR CHEESECAKE

AND OUR ICE CREAM... WHOA!

SORRY, JUNIOR.

THAT'S MY FOOSBALL REFLEXES STILL AT WORK.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT MEANS I GOT TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME.

ANYBODY WANT TO PLAY?

NO. NO. NO. NO.

COME ON. SOMEBODY... VANESSA, YOU WANT SOME OF THAT?

NO, THANKS. I'M SORRY I EVEN BOUGHT THAT THING.

OH, COME ON. CLAIRE, LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO PLAY THAT STUPID, RIDICULOUS GAME?

I TELL YOU WHAT... IF YOU CAN BEAT ME,

I'LL TAKE YOU ON A SHOPPING SPREE AT THE MALL.

LET'S GO FOOSING.

I'M GONNA KILL HER!

YOU'RE DOING GOOD, HONEY. YEAH.

YEAH, YOU USE THIS GUY AS THE DEFENSE, SEE?

THAT ONE'S, RIGHT, TO GET TO THE BALL,

AND THAT ONE'S YOUR OFFENSE,

AND WHAT HE DOES IS SET YOU UP FOR BOO-YA SHAKA!

IN YOUR FACE! THERE GOES YOUR SHOPPING SPREE!

[ LAUGHS ]

LISTEN, I QUIT!

[ Chuckling ] GO AHEAD, LOSER. GO AHEAD.

BE JUST LIKE YOUR BROTHER.

HOW DO WE DO THIS, JAY?

HOW DO WE END UP WITH A HOUSEFUL OF PUNKS AND PUNKETTES? HEY, HEY, STOP IT, OKAY?

THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, MICHAEL.

I'M JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

YEAH, WELL, IT'S NOT FUN

TO WATCH YOU BELITTLE YOUR CHILDREN.

HEY, I DIDN'T START WHINING WHEN I LOST.

I JUST DUG DEEP DOWN INSIDE AND FOUND THE WARRIOR WITHIN ME,

AND I ROSE TO BECOME THE CHAMPION THAT I AM RIGHT NOW.

♪ CHAMPION ♪

YEAH, YOU'RE THE CHAMPION IN YOUR OWN GARAGE.

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? HEY, MICHAEL!

NO, NO! NO, JAY.

SHE CAN TALK THE TALK BUT SHE CAN'T WALK THE WALK.

STEP UP TO THE TABLE, YOUNG LADY,

AND PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.

I BET YOUR BIG WHEEL.

LISTEN TO ME.

I WANT YOU TO GO IN THE HOUSE AND CALM DOWN

AND GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF.

THAT ALWAYS CALMS ME DOWN.

MM-HMM. FINE.

BUT I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA TRY TO CONSPIRE HOW TO BEAT ME,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU WON'T BE PRACTICING WHILE I'M AWAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

BOO-YA SHAKA!

MICHAEL!

I FEEL AWFUL.

I FEEL LIKE I BROUGHT A PLAGUE INTO THIS HOUSE.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S JUNIOR'S FAULT. HOW IS IT MY FAULT?

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT INTRODUCED HIM TO THIS STUPID GAME.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS GONNA TURN INTO "FOOSBALDY."

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

LOOK, IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT IT STOPS

SO WE GET YOUR FATHER TO RETURN TO NORMAL,

OR AS NORMAL AS IS POSSIBLE FOR HIM.

AND HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?

SEE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

I KNOW THAT HE HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME,

BUT I KNOW SOMETHING THAT HE LOVES EVEN MORE.

WHAT? [ CHUCKLES ]

BOO-YA SHAKA. [ CHUCKLES ]

OH...

OH.

EW. EW. EW. EW.

Janet: ♪ Get up, get up, get up, get up ♪

♪ LET'S MAKE LOVE TONIGHT ♪

♪ Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU DO IT RIGHT ♪

HEY, BABY.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE?

I THINK SO. LET ME TURN ON THIS LIGHT.

WHOO!

DAMN!

LOOK AT THIS TABLE IN THE LIGHT!

YEAH, I LIKE THIS A LOT! BOO-YA SHAKA!

BOY, NO YOU DID NOT BRING THIS TABLE UP IN OUR BEDROOM!

I HAD TO, JAY.

OTHERWISE JUNIOR WOULD BE DOWNSTAIRS PRACTICING,

AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO GIVE HIM THAT KIND OF EDGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHAEL?

I'M GONNA MAKE THIS REAL EASY FOR YOU.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE ROOM.

YOU GET TO PLAY WITH ONE THING UP IN HERE

AND ONE THING ONLY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

CHOOSE WISELY.

I MEAN, THAT'S EASY.

BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THIS TABLE

WILL LAST FOR A LIFETIME?

GET OUT! WHAT? BABY!

GET OUT RIGHT NOW! GET OUT, GET OUT!

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE STINKING TABLE, GET OUT!

LOOK, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT. SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT, GUYS.

SHE'S JUST A LITTLE HYSTERICAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? WHAT?

I'M GOING BACK IN THAT BATHROOM,

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS RIDICULOUS OUTFIT OFF

THAT I POURED MYSELF INTO FOR YOU!

AND WHEN I COME OUT,

YOU BETTER BE PLAYING FOOSBALL SOMEWHERE ELSE!

COME ON, JAY, YOU'RE OVERREACTING. NO!

YOU'RE OVERREACTING!

BABY, COME ON, PLEASE, JUST GIVE THE GAME A CHANCE.

I WAS KIND OF HOPING... I WAS WISHING...

THAT YOU WOULD COME AND PLAY WITH ME.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT IT UP THERE.

OKAY, NOW IT'S OUT OF THE BAG.

COME ON, JAY.

IT'S REALLY SEXY ONCE YOU GET IT GOING.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MICHAEL...

THERE IS NOTHING SEXY ABOUT THIS LITTLE FOOLISH GAME.

WOULD YOU TRY IT OUT FOR ME? NO!

PLEASE, BABY? BABY.

NO, MICHAEL!

[ Whining ] I'M FEELING REALLY HURT RIGHT NOW...

I'M FEELING REALLY VULNERABLE.

JUST... JUST TOUCH IT. TOUCH IT AGAIN.

COME ON. HOLD THAT. YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU FEEL THAT?

YOU FEEL THE POWER OVER THOSE 10 MEN, HUH?

DON'T YOU FEEL THAT?

[ GIGGLES ]

YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?

IT DOES KIND OF FEEL GOOD.

YEAH, AND YOU LOOK GOOD.

OH! WHOO!

MOVE THE HANDS BACK AND FORTH.

LIKE THAT? YEAH.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

WHOA, YEAH.

WHOO. YOU FEEL THAT?

NOW, HOLD ON, LET ME GET OVER HERE

SO I CAN GET A BETTER LOOK AT MY BABY.

OH, LOOK AT MY BABY.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

YOU LIKE THIS LIKE THIS? MMM.

WORK ME, GIRL. WORK ME!

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

OH, I LIKE THAT. WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

MICHAEL.

WHAT'S MY NAME? MICHAEL.

WHAT'S MY NAME? MICHAEL.

NO, IT'S BOO-YA SHAKA! IN YOUR FACE!

IN YOUR FACE! I SAY IT IN SLOW MOTION.

IN... YOUR... FACE.

THAT'S IT, MICHAEL! THAT IS IT!

FROM NOW ON, YOU GONNA BE PLAYING WITH YOURSELF!

I'M TAKING AWAY ALL OF THIS.

ALL OF THIS, MICHAEL!

ALL OF IT!

COME ON, BABY!

AW, MAN!

I WISH YOU WOULD BE HERE FOR ME!

COME ON, BABY! PLEASE?

I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO GET NO SLEEP

WITH YOU IN THE BATHROOM LIKE THAT!

AWWW! JAY!

[ GRUNTING ]

BOO-YA SHAKA!

I SAID BOO-YA SHAKA!

YEAH, BABY. YEAH, BABY.

I'LL PLAY BOTH SIDES. I'LL PLAY ME AGAINST ME.

ME AGAINST ME, ME AGAINST... BOO-YA SHAKA!

OH, MAN.

KIDS, I AM SO SORRY,

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOUR FATHER.

NOW, NOW, NOW.

WE HAD SOME GOOD YEARS WITH HIM,

AND I WANT YOU TO HOLD ONTO THOSE MEMORIES...

BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU THROUGH THE MOURNING PERIOD,

AND THEY'RE GONNA COMFORT YOU...

WHEN MOMMY IS IN JAIL.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA KILL HIM...

YEAH! YEAH, CLAIRE!

YEAH.

IF HE SAYS "BOO-YA SHAKA" ONE MORE TIME.

THAT'S IT.

HEY, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM. HEY, HEY.

THERE'S A BETTER WAY.

WHAT'S BETTER THAN STRANGLING HIM?

THERE'S A BETTER WAY TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION.

YEAH, WE COULD DO AN INTERVENTION. WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S WHEN THE LOVED ONES OF A PERSON WHO'S ADDICTED TO SOMETHING

CONFRONT HIM AND CHALLENGE HIM TO MAKE A CHANGE.

[ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.

BOO-YA SHAKA! AAAH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER?

SHE'S ALL BOO-YA SHAKA'D OUT, DAD.

YEAH, WE ALL ARE.

MR. KYLE, WE'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION

THAT YOU'RE ADDICTED.

YOU'RE A FOOSAHOLIC.

MM-HMM.

I AIN'T NO FOOSAHOLIC.

YES, YOU ARE, MICHAEL, AND IT'S WORSE.

YOU HAVE "BALLSHEIMER'S."

BALLSHEIMER'S?

YES, MICHAEL, BALLSHEIMER'S...

WHERE YOU FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE

EXCEPT FOR FOOSBALL.

I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE.

OKAY, THEN WE CAN GET RID OF THIS TABLE.

NO, HOW ABOUT WE GET RID OF YOU?

HEY, HEY, MICHAEL!

I DON'T APPRECIATE HER COMING OUT HER FACE LIKE THAT. MICHAEL!

LISTEN TO YOURSELF! WHAT?

YOU PUT THIS FOOSBALL TABLE BEFORE YOUR OWN CHILD!

YOU PUT IT BEFORE ALL OF THIS!

YOU PUT IT BEFORE EVERYTHING, MICHAEL!

IT'S BECOME THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE TO YOU!

WELL, MAYBE I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS THE WRONG WAY.

THANK YOU.

IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO COME DOWN TO A CHOICE

BETWEEN THIS GAME AND MY FAMILY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I MEAN, WE COULD PLAY TOGETHER.

ALL RIGHT, KIDS, GO ON OUTSIDE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S DONE.

SHE TOOK THE EARRINGS OFF.

LISTEN, JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS...

ALWAYS VISIT ME ON SUNDAYS AND BRING ME LOTS OF BOOKS.

[ Gagging ] WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

LISTEN, LISTEN.

I HAVE A PROPOSITION, OKAY? IT'S MORE LIKE A CHALLENGE.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S HEAR IT. OKAY.

YOU READY? I SAY WE HAVE A TOURNAMENT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! LISTEN. NO, NO.

NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT.

I'LL PLAY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, ALL RIGHT?

AND ANYBODY ELSE YOU CAN FIND.

AND IF YOU CAN SCORE JUST ONE POINT ON ME,

I'LL CHOP THIS THING UP INTO LITTLE TOOTHPICKS.

ONE POINT?

THAT'S RIGHT, ONE POINT.

Mom, I'm sure we could find somebody

that could score at least one goal.

WOULD YOU JUST GET...

Yeah, I think it's a reasonable bet.

And if he wins, we're no worse off than we are now.

Yeah, then you can whack him.

Either way, happy ending.

YOU LIKE IT? MM-HMM.

WOULD YOU...

Yeah, we either get our Dad back or the monster falls.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, MICHAEL, ONE GOAL, AND THEN IT'S OVER.

OKAY, LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

COME ON, WHO'S MY FIRST VICTIM?

I AM. COME ON, MAMA!

BOO-YA SHAKA!

NO!

NEXT!

Janet: COME ON, COME ON.

Claire: YOU CAN DO IT, TONY.

YEAH, TONY, COME ON.

OH, COME ON.

HEY, TONY...

WHAT DOES A GHOST SAY?

BOO?

YA SHAKA! [ CHUCKLES ]

OHHH!

TAKE A SEAT!

HE'S GOING DOWN. HE'S GOING DOWN.

I DOUBT IT, I DOUBT IT.

OH, HE'S GOOD.

GET HIM.

WATCH THIS. BOO-YA SHAKA!

Claire: DAD!

Janet: COME ON, JUNIOR. YOU CAN DO THIS.

MOM, COULD YOU HOLD ON?

I GOT A COLLECT CALL FROM BOO-YA SHAKA!

[ GROANS ]

COME ON, BABE. CONCENTRATE.

Janet: LET HER CONCENTRATE!

I GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU.

COME ON, COME ON!

I'M GONNA DO THIS WITH TELEPATHY.

BOO-YA SHAKA!

AAAAH!

DON'T TOUCH ME. DON'T TOUCH ME.

NEXT!

Janet: CAREFUL, BABY, CAREFUL.

YEAH, BABY, CAREFUL.

COME ON, BABY.

DON'T GET UPSET. JUST CONCENTRATE.

BOO-YA SHAKA! THAT'S FIVE.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

I CAN'T BEAT HIM!

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU PLAY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!

I AM A LITTLE GIRL!

MICHAEL, YOU ARE MAKING HER CRY!

AW, BOO-HOO-HOO-YA SHAKA!

[ LAUGHS ]

LOOK, THE KING OF FOOS IS GOING TO RETIRE TO HIS THRONE.

YOU GUYS PRACTICE WHILE I HAVE TO GO SOAK MY WRISTS.

IS THERE ANYBODY WHO CAN BEAT HIM?

I KNOW ONE PERSON.

WHO? WHO? WHO? WHO?

THEY CALL HIM...

EL FOOSAY.

[ WHISTLING ]

OKAY, SO WHERE'S THIS MYSTERY PLAYER?

WHO'S MY NEXT VICTIM?

YOUR NEXT OPPONENT IS NONE OTHER THAN...

THE LEGENDARY EL FOOSAY.

HA HA HA HA.

[ Spanish accent ] YOU'RE GOING DOWN, SEñOR.

I AIN'T AFRAID OF YOU. I'M AT THE TOP OF MY GAME, SIR.

WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT.

NOW, LET'S PLAY FOOSBALL AND NONE OF THIS CHILD'S PLAY.

LET'S PLAY TO CINCO!

AND NO SPINNING.

OKAY, YOU'RE ON.

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

PANCHO VILLA!

[ CHEERING ]

YES! YES!

GET HIM!

LET'S DO IT AGAIN, HUH?

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

PANCHO VILLA!

AHHH!

WHOO!

BOO-YA SHAKA! WHOO!

I'M ABOUT TO THROW YOU OUT MY GARAGE.

[ GRUNTING ]

NO. NO SPINNING.

PANCHO VILLA! AAH!

WHOO!

SO WHAT? THAT'S ONLY THREE.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ WHISTLING ]

PANCHO VILLA!

YES! IN YOUR FACE, DADDY!

CUATRO TO CERO.

ONE MORE POINT, AND YOU ARE DEAD TO FOOSBALL.

YEAH?

WELL, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU, MUMFORD.

LET'S GO!

YOU KNOW... I DO HAVE TO COMPLIMENT YOU,

NOT ONLY ON YOUR STYLE OF PLAY BUT ON YOUR PHYSICAL PRESENCE.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE QUITE IMPOSING.

[ PANTING AND GRUNTING ]

I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT REALLY HARD!

AND IT SHOWS.

YOU KNOW... YOUR FOREARMS ARE SPECTACULAR.

ESPECIALLY THE... PANCHO VILLA!

[ CHEERING ]

[ PANTING ]

Janet: HA!

GOOD GAME, MUMFORD.

THANKS, MR. KYLE.

AND NOW I MUST SING MY VICTORY SONG.

♪ AY AY AY AY ♪

♪ I AM EL FOOSAY ♪

♪ I BEAT YOUR BUTT IN FOOSBALL TODAY ♪

♪ NOW YOU MUST THROW THE TABLE AWAY ♪

♪ AY AY AY AY ♪

♪ I AM EL FOOSAY ♪

ADIOS, AMIGOS.

HE'S WONDERFUL.

YEAH, HE'S GREAT.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT IT STOPS

SO WE GET YOUR FATHER TO RETURN TO NORMAL,

OR AS NORMAL AS IS POSSIBLE FOR HIM.

HOW ARE... SORRY. I'M SORRY.

AAH! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT LINE IS?!

[ Laughing ] I'M SORRY.

BOO-YA SHAKA!

IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE!

IN YOUR FACE! LUPA LINDA! LUPA LINDA!

I'M GONNA TELL YOUR CHILD, AND HE AIN'T GONNA RESPECT YOU!

WELL, I BEAT YOU!

YOU WANT TO GET BACK ON THE TABLE?!

HUH?! HUH?! HUH?!

LUPA LINDA!

[ GRUNTING LOUDLY ]

I'M GONNA MOVE OUT UNTIL SOMEBODY BEATS HIM.

NO, WE GONNA PLAY BEST THREE OUT OF TWO.

[ LAUGHS ]