Original subtitles

THANKS FOR LETTING ME BORROW THESE EARRINGS, MOM.

THEY LOOK GREAT. OH, YOU CAN HAVE 'EM.

I ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOME NEW ONES TO GO WITH THIS NEW DRESS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[ GASPS ] WOW, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, MOM!

THANK YOU.

THIS ISN'T MY FAVORITE COLOR,

BUT I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I KNEW YOUR FATHER WAS GONNA LOVE IT.

AW, THAT'S GREAT HOW YOU STILL DO THINGS FOR HIM.

I WOULD NEVER PUT ON A COLOR I DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR

JUST TO PLEASE TONY.

[ CHUCKLES ] [ CHUCKLES ]

BUT, COME TO THINK OF IT,

I LOOK GOOD IN EVERY COLOR, SO IT'S REALLY IRRELEVANT.

YOU KNOW, CLAIRE,

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE...

I'M OVER HERE. I'M OVER HERE.

I'M OVER HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE.

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE,

YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT IT'S THE LITTLE... I'M OVER HERE.

I'M OVER HERE. HERE.

YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, BABY,

THAT KEEP YOUR PARTNER INTERESTED.

REALLY? YES.

I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OF THIS...

ALL OF THIS.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH!

WHAT? THAT IS ALL OF THIS.

WHOO, YEAH.

LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT!

YOU LIKE? OH, I LOVE IT!

OOH, LOOK AT THAT BACKFIELD MOVE.

YOU REALLY LIKE IT, BABY?

YES, YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU REALLY LIKE IT, BABY?

OH, WHAT IS NOT TO LIKE ABOUT TERRELL OWENS?

GO, GO, GO, GO!

OKAY.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST SIT WITH MY BABY.

SURE.

HEY, YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, HERE WE GO.

YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT. THAT'S PERFECT.

WAIT. WHAT?

WAIT, OH, THIS IS NICE.

REALLY?

YEAH, THIS IS THE TEXTURE.

THIS IS JUST WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

WATCH THIS. HUH?

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE MY PALM.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA BE USING YOUR PALM, ALL RIGHT.

MICHAEL!

DON'T YOU SEE SOMEBODY WEARING SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW

RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?!

YOU KNOW WHAT? I SURE DO.

THANK YOU.

CHRIS BERMAN HAS A BRAND-NEW TIE ON "SportsCenter."

I WOULD HAVE NEVER NOTICED IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

NO!

NO, NO!

WOMEN... WHAT'S WRONG WITH...

WHAT ARE YOU SO MAD ABOUT?

MICHAEL, YOU NOTICED THAT CHRIS BERMAN

HAD ON A NEW TIE TONIGHT,

BUT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THAT I BOUGHT A NEW DRESS.

I WILL NOTICE WHEN I GET THE CREDIT-CARD BILL,

AND THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING.

MICHAEL, FOR REAL.

HOW DO YOU KNOW I DIDN'T LIKE THE DRESS?

MAYBE I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOUR FEELINGS.

I DIDN'T LIKE THE COLOR OR SOMETHING.

THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR, MICHAEL.

THAT'S WHY I BOUGHT THE DOGGONE DRESS.

NO, MY FAVORITE COLOR IS THE TIE THAT CHRIS BERMAN HAD ON...

THAT FUCHSIA... I LOVE THAT!

WELL, IF YOU LOVE CHRIS BERMAN SO MUCH,

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO MARRY HIM?

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE YOUR BIG, BROWN, BEAUTIFUL EYES

OR THOSE CUTE LITTLE FRECKLES ON YOUR NOSE

OR THOSE SWEET LIPS THAT I LOVE SO MUCH.

HEY, MOM. HEY, DAD.

BOY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M CARRYING MY PRINCESS THROUGH THE THRESHOLD.

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET!

WHY DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT FOR ME?

UH-UH, I AIN'T GONNA THROW MY BACK OUT AGAIN.

SORRY WE'RE LATE, GUYS.

VANESSA WANTED TO STOP AND SEE IF WE COULD LOCATE THE STAR

I HAD NAMED AFTER HER.

ISN'T HE SWEET?

IF MR. KYLE'S ANYWHERE NEAR

AS THOUGHTFUL AND ROMANTIC AS JUNIOR IS,

WE'RE THE LUCKIEST WOMEN ON EARTH.

YOU'RE ALL ALONE THERE, SISTER.

HEY, YOU, THE TABLE'S READY. COME ON.

LADIES FIRST, MICHAEL. LADIES FIRST.

OH, CAREFUL, BABY.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO BRUISE THOSE PERFECT LITTLE KNEES.

AHH, THANK YOU, JUJU! YOU'RE WELCOME, GIGI!

[ SMOOCHES ]

[ GIGGLING ]

ARE YOU SITTING HERE? YEAH.

UM, EXCUSE...

UH, YOU GOT TO SIT DOWN SO I CAN GET BY.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO PULL MY CHAIR OUT FOR ME, MICHAEL.

WHAT, YOUR ARMS IS BROKEN?

FORGET IT. I WILL DO IT MYSELF.

UH, UH, THIS IS, UH...

OHH!

THERE WE GO.

AHH!

OOH! STOP!

WHAT? BABY, YOUR BEAUTY IS SO OVERWHELMING RIGHT NOW,

I JUST NEEDED A FEW MORE SECONDS TO TAKE IT ALL IN.

OH, JUJU.

GIGI! COME HERE.

[ SMOOCHING ]

STOP!

WHAT? [ GIGGLES ]

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO EAT NO MORE BREAD.

WHO'S HAVING DESERT?

I WILL HAVE THE APPLE PIE,

AND IS ANGEL FOOD CAKE OKAY FOR MY ANGEL?

[ Giggling ] NOW, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY, JUJU.

[ TALKING BABY TALK ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL ALSO HAVE THE APPLE PIE

WITH A SCOOP OF VANILLA ICE CREAM

AND A DECAF CAPPUCCINO.

AND BRING THE LADY...

[ GIGGLES ]

YOUR SUPER-LIGHT, NO-FAT, NO-CARB, GREEN-JELLO SUBSTITUTE

WITH A SCOOP OF NON-DAIRY, LOW-CAL,

SUGARLESS-SOY WHIPPED TOPPING,

AND PUT A CHERRY ON TOP...

NAH, QUARTER OF A CHERRY, JUST FOR FLAVOR.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT WAS REAL SUBTLE.

YOU'RE CALLING ME "FAT."

I'M NOT CALLING YOU FAT.

YES, YOU ARE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WAITER.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING, BABY, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING OUT SO HARD,

AND YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT DRESS,

AND WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE JUST A JELLY BEAN AWAY.

FROM WHAT?

FROM LOUIS ARMSTRONG.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, WAITER?

I WILL HAVE A WHOLE APPLE PIE

WITH A CARTON OF VANILLA ICE CREAM AND COOKIES.

I WANT EVERY COOKIE YOU'VE GOT BACK THERE.

I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP. I WANT MACAROON.

I WANT ALL OF THEM.

[ Imitating Louis Armstrong ] ♪ HELLO, BABY ♪

SHUT UP!

MOM, YOU MUST REALLY HAVE A SWEET TOOTH.

I DON'T HAVE A SWEET TOOTH. IT'S JUST IN THE LAST 20 YEARS,

I'VE BEEN WATCHING WHAT I EAT SO I COULD LOOK GOOD FOR DADDY,

BUT I REALIZED SOMETHING.

DADDY AIN'T LOOKING AT MOMMY.

HE NOT?

WHAT'S THE POINT?

I DON'T KNOW!

LOOK, JAY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT YOU ALL DAY, EVERY DAY,

FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME? TURN AROUND.

NO, DON'T LOOK AT ME. WE'RE PLAYING A LITTLE GAME.

OKAY, LET'S PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME.

GO AHEAD.

WHICH ONE OF MY BREASTS ARE BIGGER THAN THE OTHER?

THAT'S EASY.

IT'S THE ONE WITH THE HAIR ON IT.

YEAH.

BOINK.

[ DOOR BELL RING ]

I'LL GET IT.

HI, FRANKLIN.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M STEAMED. I'M TICKED OFF.

I'M ABSOLUTELY PEEVED.

WHAT HAPPENED, FRANKLIN?

WHAT HAPPENED?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

I WENT TO THAT AMUSEMENT PARK TODAY,

YOU KNOW, "FUN" TOWN.

YEAH?

I STOOD IN LINE FOR OVER AN HOUR

TO GET ON THE WHITE KNUCKLER ROLLER COASTER.

THAT'S THE SCARIEST RIDE IN THE WHOLE PARK.

I'VE BEEN ON IT 10 TIMES. IT'S THE COOLEST.

WELL, WHIP-I-DIP-I-DO FOR YOU.

ANYWAY, AS I GOT TO THE HEAD OF THE LINE,

THEY TOLD ME THAT I WAS TOO SHORT TO RIDE IT!

WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

DO I LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING?

SORRY.

AS I WAS SAYING, I WAS FORCED TO STEP OUT OF LINE,

AND I WAS NOT PERMITTED TO RIDE A ROLLER COASTER

THAT I DESIGNED!

THAT'S TOO BAD, FRANKLIN.

THEY SHOULD HAVE AN I.Q. REQUIREMENT

INSTEAD OF A HEIGHT REQUIREMENT.

THEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO RIDE THE DARN THING ALL BY MYSELF.

DON'T WORRY, FRANKLIN. I STILL THINK YOU'RE CUTE.

STOP THAT.

WHAT?

PATTING ME ON THE HEAD.

WHY?

IT'S A BIT DEGRADING.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT YOU'RE GETTING A LOT TALLER THAN ME.

REALLY?

STAND BACK TO BACK.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'S JUST GETTING A LITTLE TALLER THAN YOU.

ARE YOU BLIND, WOMAN?!

COMPARED TO ME, SHE'S AN AMAZON,

AND I'M JUST A LITTLE PYGMY!

SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS.

[ DOOR SLAMS CLOSED ]

POOR FRANKLIN.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS DANG GATE?!

JAY, COME ON.

ALL THIS SILENCE, ALL THIS DRAMA

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

WHICH ONE OF YOUR BREASTS IS SMALLER THAN THE OTHER?

THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION.

THEY'RE BOTH ITTY-BITTY, LITTLE...

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

WHAT?

YOU SAID THEY HAD HAIR ON THEM.

NO. I SAID ONE OF THEM HAD HAIR.

BOINK! THAT ONE. BOINK!

WELL, JUNIOR AND VANESSA DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW ALL THAT,

AND THAT'S ONLY PART OF WHY I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU.

IT IS MOSTLY BECAUSE OF YOUR COMPLETE INSENSITIVITY

TOWARDS MY FEELINGS.

OH, BOY, THE FEELINGS.

WE GOT TO DEAL WITH THE FEELINGS.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE JUNIOR AND HIS WIFE TONIGHT?

YEAH, WE JUST HAD DINNER WITH THEM.

NO, MICHAEL, HE STOOD WHEN SHE STOOD.

HE PULLED OUT HER CHAIR.

HE CARRIED HER OVER A THRESHOLD, MICHAEL.

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO THROW MY BACK OUT AGAIN.

LOOK, JUNIOR HAS TO DO ALL THAT STUFF.

HE AND VANESSA'S RELATIONSHIP STILL HAS THAT NEW-CAR SMELL.

WE'RE PAST ALL THAT, JAY.

NOT AT ALL, NUH-UNH.

NO? NUH-UNH!

WE'RE NOT PAST ALL THAT.

YOU'RE PAST ALL THAT, MICHAEL,

AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.

I GOT TO BEG YOU TO DO ANYTHING

THAT'S NOT RELATED TO A SPORTING EVENT.

OH, IS THIS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?

THAT'S RIGHT!

BECAUSE I WANTED TO WATCH THE HIGHLIGHTS ON "SportsCenter"?

AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING.

I PUT HIGHLIGHTS IN MY HAIR LAST WEEK,

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!

WELL, THEY WEREN'T GREAT HIGHLIGHTS.

THEY WOULD HAVE MADE "SportsCenter."

[ LAUGHS ]

[ COUGHING ]

SOMETHING GOT CAUGHT IN MY THROAT.

MAYBE IT WAS A HAIR.

FOR YOU.

WHO DIED?

THE OLD, INSENSITIVE MICHAEL KYLE

THAT TOOK HIS WIFE FOR GRANTED.

THESE ARE NICE FLOWERS.

NICE TRY. IT WON'T WORK.

BUT, BABY, LISTEN, HONEY,

I'VE BEEN THINKING, OKAY,

ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT.

WAIT! WHAT?

I WANT TO GET THAT FOR YOU.

OH... THANK YOU.

OKAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, I WAS THINKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT...

HO! WHOA! STOP!

HERE, LET ME SCOOT THAT IN FOR YOU.

OKAY, CAN YOU NOT SCREAM?

OKAY, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, LIKE I WAS SAYING, OKAY?

I WAS WAS WRONG, YOU WERE RIGHT, AND WE...

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?

WHAT HAPPENED?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU PASSED OUT.

MICHAEL? HUH?

I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY I WAS RIGHT.

YEAH, I DID SAY THAT. WAIT, WAIT, WHOA, WHOA.

LISTEN, LISTEN.

I FEEL LIKE I WAS TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED,

AND I'M DOING IT AGAIN.

I MEAN, LISTEN TO ME BABBLE.

I'M JUST TALKING ON AND ON ABOUT ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU, JAY.

YOU DO? YES, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR DAY WAS LIKE...

EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL...

AND, PLEASE, JUST TALK AS LONG AS YOU'D LIKE.

REALLY?

YES, I'M ALL EARS.

OH, OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE DAY STARTED...

WAIT! WHOA!

HOLD ON.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO INTERRUPT US.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OKAY, I'M BACK. OKAY, OKAY.

NOW WE'RE...

READY.

OKAY, FOR BREAKFAST I HAD SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS,

AND THEN I WENT TO...

WAIT.

BREAKFAST... BABY, YOU'RE GLOSSING OVER

ALL THESE WONDERFUL, DELICIOUS,

LITTLE JAY KYLE SIGNATURE MOMENTS.

I AM? YEAH.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU OPENED THOSE BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BROWN EYES?

WHICH ONE OF THOSE LOVELY HANDS

DID YOU USE TO PULL THE COVERS BACK FIRST?

STOP. [ LAUGHS ]

AND WHICH ONE OF THOSE DELICATE SIZE 9 1/2 FEET

DID THAT FORTUNATE FLOOR TOUCH FIRST?

OKAY, UM, WELL...

THIS MORNING I OPENED MY EYES,

AND THEN THINGS WERE A LITTLE BLURRY AT FIRST.

NO! YES.

BUT IT CLEARED UP...

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO RAY CHARLES.

NO, NO, NO. THE LIQUID...

NO, BUT IT CLEARED UP QUITE QUICKLY.

Whew! OH, I GOT NERVOUS FOR A MINUTE.

EVERYTHING'S FINE. SO...

SO WHAT DID YOU DREAM ABOUT?

OH, PONIES.

[ High-pitched voice ] PONIES... OH, PONIES.

I LOVE PONIES!

YOU DO? YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

AFTER YOU'RE FINISHED TELLING ME

YOUR WONDERFUL STORY ABOUT YOUR WONDERFUL DAY...

YEAH?

...CAN WE PLEASE GO TAKE A PONY RIDE TOGETHER?

[ GASPS ] MICHAEL...

[ IMITATING GALLOPING ]

MICHAEL! ARE YOU... NO!

FOR REAL?

ARE YOU BEING FOR REAL?

NO, I'M BEING FOR JAY.

OH, BABY, THAT IS SO SWEET.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

[ CHOKING ]

WHAT AM I UP TO?

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

[ Voice breaking ] YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SO HURT THAT YOU THINK

THAT MY MOTIVES ARE ANYTHING LESS THAN PURE.

AND IT JUST REALLY PAINS ME IN MY HEART

THAT I'VE ALLOWED SO MUCH MISTRUST INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP.

OH, MICHAEL, MICHAEL, I AM SO SORRY.

[ Sobbing ] I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO TO BRING YOUR TRUST BACK.

OH, BABY. IT'S OKAY, CALM DOWN.

IT HURTS RIGHT HERE.

I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY?

WHAT?

IT'S THE RIGHT BREAST THAT'S THE BIG ONE. [ GASPS ]

AND THE LEFT CHEEK.

YOU NOTICED.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Kady: I'LL GET IT.

HEY...

BABY.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU, FRANKLIN?

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

YES. FOR ONE THING, YOU LOOK LIKE A PORCUPINE.

WHY IS YOUR HAIR STICKING STRAIGHT UP LIKE THAT?

IT'S TO ENHANCE THE ILLUSION OF HEIGHT.

IT'S CALLED THE "FERNAN DO."

MIND IF I COME IN?

SURE.

WOW, LOOK AT THOSE SHOES.

[ LAUGHS ] WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THESE SHOES.

FRANKLIN, LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE GIGANTIC.

OH, YOU MEAN THESE SHOES? OF COURSE.

THEY'RE CALLED "HEIGHTY DOs."

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D NOTICE.

HOW COULD I NOT NOTICE?

YOU LOOK LIKE HERMAN MUNSTER.

MAYBE I SHOULD TRY WEARING LONGER PANTS?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR HEAD EXAMINED?

I DON'T NEED A SHRINK, KADY. I NEED TO GROW.

YEAH, AND WHEN IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GROW, YOU WILL.

WEARING BIG SHOES ISN'T GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING.

ON THE CONTRARY, MY LOVE.

RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU...

I'M FEELING PRETTY POWERFUL.

OH, REALLY?

[ SOBBING ]

[ Crying ] OH, BYE, PENELOPE.

[ SNIFFLES ]

THAT WAS SO GOOD.

DID YOU ENJOY IT, NUPPY, HUH? CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI, HUH?

I LIKED WHAT I COULD HEAR, MICHAEL.

I MISSED THE LAST 20 MINUTES 'CAUSE YOU WERE CRYING SO HARD.

THAT'S BECAUSE WE ARE WATCHING THE WIFETIME NETWORK.

THAT'S WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT.

WHEN PENELOPE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS TRAPPED

[Voice breaking] IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE WITH A MAN

WHO DIDN'T APPRECIATE HER AND TO STAY IN THERE FOR THE KIDS,

THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. [ GROWLS ]

WAIT! WHAT?

HERE, LET ME PROP THAT UP FOR YOU.

IT'S FINE. THANK YOU.

FINE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY JAY.

IT HAS TO BE PERFECT. THERE.

CAN I MASSAGE YOUR FEET?

NO. COME ON, LET ME...

NO! THEY'RE SORE FROM THE LAST FIVE MASSAGES.

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

OKAY, THEN LET ME BITE THE TOENAILS OFF.

NO! MICHAEL, STOP! COME ON.

LEAVE MY TOES ALONE!

THEN THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU.

NO, THERE'S NOTHING.

HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE? NO.

NO? HOW ABOUT ANGEL FOOD CAKE FOR THE ANGEL?

NO, MICHAEL. YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

YEAH, YEAH. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

GO FAR AWAY AND GET ME SOME WATER.

WATER... COMING UP. YOU WANT IT ICED? YES.

SHAVED, CUBED? CUBED?

YEAH? A LITTLE LEMON IN IT?

JUST GO GET THE WATER.

OKAY, OKAY.

HEY, I LOVE YOU.

YEAH.

I MEAN IT. YEAH, ME TOO, ME TOO. YEAH, YEAH.

PSST!

MISSING YOU ALREADY.

GO GET THE DAMN... GO GET THE DAMN WATER.

WAIT! WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

WHY DON'T YOU COME INSIDE?

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO HEIGHT REQUIREMENT?

ENOUGH WITH THE HEIGHT STUFF, FRANKLIN.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP BELITTLING YOURSELF.

IS THAT A JOKE? NO.

YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF CRAZY, AND THAT'S MAKING ME CRAZY.

BUT LOOK AT YOU, MY LOVE.

YOU'RE BECOMING A TALL, WILLOWY GODDESS,

AND I'M JUST A HOBBIT.

BUT IN THE MOVIE, FRANKLIN, THE HOBBIT SAVED THE WORLD.

COME ON, KADY, IT WASN'T A HOBBIT

WHO ENDED UP WITH LIV TYLER.

FRANKLIN, YOU'RE ONLY 8 YEARS OLD.

I PROMISE YOU, YOU'RE GONNA GROW.

WHEN AND HOW MUCH?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THERE'S NO HEIGHT REQUIREMENT IN MY HEART.

IS THAT TRUE?

YES.

I LIKE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR EARNING POTENTIAL.

KADY KYLE, YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

WAIT...

...NOW.

HEY, CLAIRE.

HEY, MOM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M READING THE DICTIONARY.

I DECIDED I'M GONNA LEARN AND APPLY A NEW WORD EVERY DAY.

THAT'S GREAT, CLAIRE!

[ GROANS ] LOOK AT THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S MY FAVORITE LUNCH WITH A ROSE AND A NOTE THAT SAYS,

"ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, HERE IS YOUR LUNCH,

I MADE IT FOR YOU. LOVE, MIKEY."

OH, ISN'T THAT SWEET?

NO, THAT IS NOT SWEET, CLAIRE.

IT STARTED OFF SWEET, BUT NOW IT IS JUST PLAIN OLD ANNOYING.

OKAY, I'M LOST.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED HIM TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOU.

I DID, BUT YOUR FATHER AND HIS EVIL LITTLE BRAIN

HAS PERVERTED IT INTO TORTURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, HE WAS PAINTING MY TOENAILS.

CLAIRE, I ASKED FOR A LITTLE BIT OF ATTENTION,

AND HE GOES OVERBOARD TO PUNISH ME.

WOW.

DAD SURE IS HYPOGLYCEMIC.

WHAT?

HYPOGLYCEMIC... IT'S MY WORD FOR THE DAY.

DOESN'T IT MEAN EVIL?

NO, CLAIRE.

IT... IT MEANS LOW BLOOD SUGAR.

OH...

NEVER MIND.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

HE IS EVIL, AND TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME.

HERE YOU GO.

I BROUGHT MY LITTLE NUPPY-NUPPY CHI-CHI WALLY-WALLY-WALLY

SOME HOT CHOCOLATEY-LATEY-LATEY.

THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ] WAIT!

WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED?

WHERE'S THE MARSHMALLOWS?

I FORGOT THE MARSH... LET ME RUN DOWNSTAIRS AND...

WAIT! WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED, BABY?

I'M FINISHED READING THIS PAGE, MICHAEL.

COULD YOU PLEASE TURN IT FOR ME?

SURE, I CAN TURN IT. THANK YOU.

WAIT! WHAT?

DON'T LICK YOUR FINGERS. THAT'S STICKY AND NASTY.

THEY'RE STICKY AND NASTY. GONNA WIPE THAT OFF.

MM-HMM. OKAY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

OOP, YOU'RE RIGHT. THEY'RE STICKY AND NASTY.

THAT'LL DO.

UH, ANYTHING ELSE? NO, THANK YOU.

YOU SURE? YEAH, I'M FINE.

WAIT! AAH! WHAT?

I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.

HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. I CAN'T HELP YOU OUT THERE.

MICHAEL, DON'T BE SILLY.

LOOK AT THIS.

YOU SEE HOW WRINKLED THIS TOILET PAPER IS?

I WANT YOU TO GO IRON IT

AND MAKE IT LOOK JUST LIKE THE HOTEL'S.

YOU'RE ON TO ME, RIGHT? TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.

BUT YOU KNOW YOU HAD IT COMING, RIGHT?

LOOK, BABY, I APOLOGIZE, BUT I REALLY THOUGHT

THAT IF I SHOWERED YOU WITH ALL THIS ATTENTION,

THEN YOU WOULDN'T WANT SO MUCH FROM ME.

YEAH, AND THAT WORKED, MICHAEL,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED, EITHER.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,

AND YOU SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE THAT EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU DO SOMETHING NICE FOR ME...

YEAH? I'LL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU.

REALLY? I LIKE WHERE THIS IS HEADING.

YOU TELL MY LITTLE "FERNAN DO"?

THAT'S RIGHT, SO HOP UP ON THAT BED AND LET ME SHOW YOU.

HURRY UP.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

WAIT!

SORRY.

AND IT'S THE BRIGHT BREAST? THAT'S BIGGER.

THE BRIGHT BREAST?

IT'S SO BIG, IT'S BRIGHT.

STOP!

WHAT? [ GIGGLES ]

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO EAT NO MORE BREAD.

I'LL ORDER YOU A... [ LAUGHING ]