Original subtitles

♪ MY LOVE ♪

♪ THERE'S ONLY YOU IN MY LIFE ♪

SING, BABY!

♪ THE ONLY THING THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ MY FIRST LOVE ♪

♪ YOU'RE EVERY BREATH THAT I TAKE ♪

♪ YOU'RE EVERY STEP I MAKE ♪

EWW! GET A ROOM.

THIS IS LIKE A COMMERCIAL FOR A LITTLE BLUE PILL.

WOW. DON'T HATE BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE STILL IN LOVE...

THANK YOU. ...AND I CAN STILL DO MY THING.

RIGHT, BOY! DON'T START! EWW!

HA HA!

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING IN LOVE.

JUST DON'T DO IT IN FRONT OF ME.

WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS BE LIKE REGULAR PARENTS?

AND HOW ARE NORMAL PARENTS SUPPOSED TO ACT?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ARGUE AND FIGHT

AND NOT SPEAK TO EACH OTHER FOR WEEKS AT A TIME.

AND THEN GET DRUNK EVERY NIGHT

SO YOU CAN STAND BEING IN EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.

WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST BE NORMAL?

MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT, BABE. YOU THINK?

NAH. ♪ AND I ♪

TAKE IT AWAY, BABY.

♪ I WANT TO SHARE ♪ SHARE YOUR LOVE.

♪ ALL MY LOVE ♪

♪ WITH YOU ♪ OOH, I'M FEELING IT!

♪ NO ONE ELSE WILL DO ♪

NOBODY ELSE.

AND... AND... OHH. SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO.

GOTTA GO.

I CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT.

GIVE ME THAT BABY.

HERE YOU GO. SAY HI TO GRANDMA.

YOU'RE GETTING BIG.

BY THE WAY, JUNIOR AND I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

YEAH, WE'VE BEEN TALKING,

AND WE'VE PICKED A DATE FOR THE WEDDING.

LOOK AT THEM DIMPLES.

AND LOOK AT THE LITTLE NOSE!

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

I SAID, LOOK AT THE LITTLE NOSE!

NO, HE SAID SOMETHING. OH.

I SAID, WE'VE PICKED A DATE FOR THE WEDDING.

TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!

TWO WEEKS?

WE CAN'T PLAN NO WEDDING IN TWO WEEKS.

WE NEED AT LEAST A MONTH.

NO, THAT DAY IS SPECIAL TO US.

IT'S ONE YEAR FROM OUR FIRST DATE.

OH, THAT'S SWEET. OKAY, FINE.

IF TWO WEEKS IS ALL YOU'RE GONNA GIVE US,

THEN WE'LL WORK WITH TWO WEEKS.

WE GOTTA FIND A LOCATION, A CATERER, A PHOTOGRAPHER,

A FLORIST... YOU DON'T MIND IF WE HELP, DO YOU?

NO, I GUESS NOT. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!

WHAT KIND OF WEDDING DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

I-I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

GOOD. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA HANDLE IT.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOT IT.

NOW WE NEED A THEME.

MEDIEVAL.

OH, YOU LITTLE... I'M BRILLIANT!

HEY, KADY, HOW'S YOUR BALLET CLASS GOING?

IT'S GOOD, BUT ALL THE BOYS ARE GAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU CAN'T BE GAY AT 8.

YEAH, YOU CAN. IT KICKS IN AT 6.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

BESIDES, YOU CAN'T JUST LOOK AT A PERSON

AND TELL IF THEY'RE GAY OR NOT.

I CAN. I HAVE GAY-DAR.

YOU DO NOT HAVE GAY-DAR.

I REALLY DO. KNOW MR. JACOBS...

THE DRY CLEANER WITH THE BOW TIE AND THE MONOCLE?

YEAH.

GAY.

THAT'S CRAZY.

YOU KNOW THE CHECKER AT THE SUPERMARKET

WHO WEARS CLOGS WITH ARGYLE SOCKS?

GAY?

SUPER GAY.

WOW.

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY.

IT'S REMARKABLE.

UH-HUH.

REMIND ME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT TONY.

TONY'S NOT GAY.

THAT'S NOT WHAT MY GAY-DAR SAYS.

WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!

WOO WOO WOO!

WELL, IT SURE SEEMS YOUR PARENTS ARE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY SUPPORTIVE.

YEAH, AND I THINK WE SHOULD START THINKING

ABOUT THE KIND OF CEREMONY WE WANT,

TO GIVE THEM SOME DIRECTION.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, I THINK SIMPLE IS GOOD.

YEAH, I MEAN, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE MARRYING ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT? [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY, OKAY.

SO A SMALL CEREMONY

WITH A FEW ROSE PETALS SPRINKLED ON THE GROUND,

A MODEST DRESS.

JUST THE FAMILY. SOMETHING WARM AND INTIMATE.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, KNOWING THEM,

THAT'S PROBABLY EXACTLY WHAT THEY HAVE PLANNED.

JUST SMALL, INTIMATE. SIMPLE.

LIKE ME. [ LAUGHS ]

WE HAVE MADE TREMENDOUS PROGRESS WITH YOUR WEDDING.

OH, YES, WE HAVE.

WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT WE HAVE PLANNED.

FIRST OF ALL... LOCATION. CLAIRE... BROCHURE.

BAM!

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S THE BRIARCLIFF COUNTRY CLUB AND CASTLE,

LOCATED OFF THE BEAUTIFUL SHORES OF LAKE CRYSTALLINE, OKAY?

IT WAS PREVIOUSLY BOOKED BY ANOTHER WEDDING.

BUT GUESS WHAT? THE GROOM DIED!

YEAH! AND WE GOT IT!

YES! HA HA!

YES! DID WE LUCK OUT, OR WHAT?

WOW, IT CERTAINLY IS BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, ARE THERE ANY FISH IN THE LAKE?

PBBT!

ONLY THE ONES WE'RE BRINGING IN.

16 TRAINED DOLPHINS STRAIGHT FROM HAWAII THAT,

THAT WHEN YOU SAY "I DO,"

THEY LEAP OUT OF THE WATER AND FORM THE SHAPE OF A HEART

WITH AN ARROW GOING STRAIGHT THROUGH IT.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE OVER THE TOP?

YOU'RE RIGHT. LOSE ONE OF THE DOLPHINS.

THE ONE WITH THE ARROW. GONE.

OKAY, COOL.

NOW, ONTO YOUR ENTRANCE, VANESSA.

WHILE OUR OWN BEAUTIFUL JAYBIRD, YES,

THE SONGSTRESS SERENADES THE CROWD

WITH HER OWN RENDITION OF "QUE SERA, SERA."

♪ WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE ♪

♪ THE FUTURE'S NOT OURS TO SEE ♪

♪ QUE SERA, SERA ♪

♪ QUE SERA, SERA ♪

OKAY, BABY. SAVE A LITTLE.

OH, YEAH, I NEED TO SAVE MY VOICE.

YES, YOU DO. OKAY, SO OKAY.

GIRLS, COME ON. LET'S GO.

VANESSA, WHILE I AM SINGING... AND YES, I WILL BE...

SINGING!

...YOU ARE GONNA BE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE...

LOOK AT THIS. ...IN THIS.

LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL. IS THIS NOT THE BOMB?

WHAT IS IT? A PARACHUTE? A TARP?

A CIRCUS TENT?

A CAR COVER FOR A TOUR BUS?

NO, SILLIES! THIS IS MY WEDDING DRESS.

OHH.

COME ON, GET UP. HOLD IT UP.

COME ON, HOLD IT UP TO YOU.

I CAN'T WEAR THIS.

NOW, I KNOW IT'S WHITE,

BUT NOBODY WILL NOTICE, I PROMISE... SHH.

NO, MRS. KYLE, I CAN'T FIT INTO THIS.

JUST HOLD IT UP TO YOURSELF.

I CAN'T WEAR THIS.

[ Voice breaking ] OH, MY GOODNESS.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

IT MUST BE LIKE LOOKING IN A MIRROR, HUH?

IT IS! OH, GOD, IT IS!

OKAY, OKAY. LET ME GET IT TOGETHER.

LET ME GET IT TOGETHER.

NOW THAT WE HAVE THE BRIDE SQUARED AWAY,

WE GOT TO CONCENTRATE ON THE BRIDESMAIDS.

TONY! SWATCHES!

COME ON, HURRY UP!

OKAY, SO I'VE HIGHLIGHTED MY FAVORITE ONES.

SO FAR, I LIKE THE MAUVE, THE CHARTREUSE,

AND THE ENTIRE CITRUS FAMILY.

WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!

SHUT UP!

DO WE REALLY NEED BRIDESMAIDS?

WELL, IF WE DON'T HAVE BRIDESMAIDS,

WHO'S GONNA GALLOP IN ON THE CLYDESDALES?

CLYDESDALES? YEAH.

BAD NEWS ON THE CLYDESDALES.

THEY'RE ALREADY BOOKED FOR A BEER COMMERCIAL.

BUT FOR THE SAME PRICE, I CAN GET 1,000 SHETLAND PONIES.

I DON'T WANT SHETLAND PONIES, OKAY?

I WANT CLYDESDALES.

YOU'RE THE WEDDING COORDINATOR. COORDINATE IT.

[ GROANS ]

HORSES REALLY AREN'T NECESSARY, MR. KYLE.

I BEG TO DIFFER. OKAY?

WITHOUT THE HORSES,

HOW ARE THE BRIDESMAIDS GONNA JUMP THE RAVINE?

THEY SWOOP YOU UP, THEY LEAP THE RAVINE,

WE RELEASE THE HOUNDS, THEY CHASE THE FOX,

JUNIOR RIDES IN WITH HIS SABER, AND HE RESCUES YOU.

BUT DAD, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A SABER!

SABER LESSONS TUESDAY AT 11:00.

WEAR TIGHTS AND A CUP.

WOW, THIS HAS REALLY TURNED INTO QUITE A PRODUCTION.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO THIS.

I'M ON THE PHONE WITH THE WEDDING FIREWORKS FAMILY.

HOLD ON.

[ SPEAKING JAPANESE ]

BOOM!

NO... KABOOM! TELL THEM KABOOM!

KABOOM, KABOOM, KABOOM!

VERY GOOD.

OKAY, NOW, TONY, HOW ARE THE FLOWERS COMING ALONG?

WELL, WE CAN GET THE ROSES TO COVER THE ENTIRE ALTAR,

BUT I WAS THINKING MORE OF LIKE CALLA LILIES.

WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?

CLAIRE KNOWS. AND I SUSPECT TONY DOES, TOO.

LOOK, DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE WEDDING?

NO. OKAY, THEN CUT IT OUT.

AND YOU, WHEN I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR OPINION,

I'LL ASK YOU FOR IT.

OKAY? COMPRENDE? NOW GET THE ROSES.

I AM TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A MEANIE ALL THE TIME?

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

TONY, COME HERE.

BEND DOWN.

A LITTLE CLOSER.

BE A MAN!

AAH!

HE'LL BE FINE.

OKAY...

SO NOW WE HAVE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.

THERE'S MORE?

OH, IS THERE MORE?

YOU TWO WILL HAVE YOUR FIRST DANCE

WITH JAY AND I SERENADING YOU WITH "ENDLESS LOVE."

♪ MY FIRST LOVE ♪

♪ YOU'RE EVERY BREATH THAT I TAKE ♪

Both: ♪ YOU'RE EVERY STEP I MAKE ♪

♪ AND I ♪

[ VOCALIZING ]

HE'S ASLEEP.

GOOD, 'CAUSE WE NEED TO TALK.

YEAH, WE DO.

I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THIS WHOLE SABER THING.

I MEAN, THOSE LOOK COMPLICATED.

AND WHAT IS THIS CUP FOR?

I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

THE DOLPHINS, THE CLYDESDALES,

THE RAVINES, YOUR MOTHER'S GIGANTIC DRESS.

THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANT.

BUT IF THEY'RE WILLING TO SPEND THE MONEY ON US,

WHO ARE WE TO SAY NO?

WE'RE THE BRIDE AND GROOM.

WE'RE THE ONES GETTING MARRIED, THAT'S WHO WE ARE.

OKAY, BUT WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

TALK TO YOUR DAD.

SEE IF YOU CAN GET HIM TO SCALE IT BACK.

WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?

THE DOLPHINS? THE FIREWORKS? THE BRIDESMAIDS?

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO SOUND UNGRATEFUL,

BUT THIS IS A RUNAWAY TRAIN.

YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.

MAN, BUT HE'S KIND OF SCARY.

YOU THINK HE'S SCARY? MM-HMM.

YOU BETTER STOP ALL OF THIS

BEFORE I SHOW YOU WHAT SCARY REALLY IS.

AND THEN FINALLY,

AS THE LAST FIREWORKS FALL INTO THE LAKE,

THE F-16s... VROOM! FLY OVER AT 300 FEET,

SCATTERING ROSE PETALS IN THEIR WAKE.

WHOO-HOO! HUH?

THAT SOUNDS EXPENSIVE.

GOOD GOLLY!

WELL, YEAH!

THIS IS THE ONLY TIME YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER

AND MY ONLY SON ARE GONNA GET MARRIED.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO ALL-OUT.

I AGREE. PUT US DOWN FOR $100.

$100? WHOO!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH $100? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NO.

I THINK $100 WOULD BE PRETTY FINE.

HERE'S YOUR FIRST $10 PAYMENT.

I COULD BUY A ROSE PETAL WITH THAT.

WE COULD... TIP THE DOLPHIN. JASMINE, JASMINE.

YEAH, JASMINE, SINCE VANESSA'S GOING TO BE WEARING MY DRESS...

WHOA, WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE.

YOUR DRESS? YES, MY DRESS.

I WANTED VANESSA TO WEAR MY SILVER JUMPSUIT

LIKE PATTI LaBELLE WORE.

YOU KNOW, "VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHER AVEC MOI, CE SOIR."

THIS IS VANESSA'S WEDDING. WHY DON'T WE LET VANESSA DECIDE?

VANESSA, HONEY, DO YOU WANT TO WEAR MY DRESS OR HERS?

OKAY, SPACE SUIT OR THE TARP.

UM, LET ME ASK JUNIOR AND GET HIS DECISION.

TARP?

I'VE GOT THE CATERER ON THE PHONE.

HOW MANY TRUFFLES?

HOW MANY PEOPLE ON THE GUEST LIST?

INCLUDING THE F-16 PILOTS AND THE DOLPHIN TRAINERS,

THAT'S 751 PEOPLE.

OKAY, 751 TRUFFLES.

DONE. AND HOW'S THE CAVIAR COMING? IS IT GONNA BE FRESH?

THE STURGEON ARE SPAWNING AS WE SPEAK.

PERFECT!

DAD, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, SON?

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, TOO. BOTH OF YOU.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I AM SO GLAD YOU TWO ARE GETTING MARRIED.

AND PROUD.

ME, TOO.

SO WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT, SON?

UH... WELL...

OKAY, OKAY.

LOOK, WE REALLY APPRECIATE EVERYTHING

YOU GUYS ARE DOING FOR US.

OH, WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN.

YOU HAVEN'T? FEAST YOUR EARS ON THIS.

WHAT IS THAT? WEDDING VOWS.

WHAT?! BUT WE HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING YET.

HONEY, ANYTHING YOU WRITE IS NOT GONNA COMPARE TO THESE WORDS.

NOW, IT'S A LITTLE LENGTHY,

SO I'M JUST GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE TASTE.

I'M JUST GONNA WHET YOUR WHISTLE.

ALL RIGHT. VANESSA, THIS IS YOU TO JUNIOR.

"HOW LUCKY I AM TO MARRY A GUY WITH SUCH FANTASTIC PARENTS.

"YOU KNOW, THEY SAY AN APPLE DOESN'T FAR FROM THE TREE,

AND YOU'RE A HELL OF AN APPLE."

THAT'S YOU TO HIM.

"BUT LOOK AT THIS TREE."

THAT'S US, OKAY?

"IT'S NOT EVEN AN APPLE TREE.

"IT'S MORE LIKE A TOWERING REDWOOD OR A GIANT SEQUOIA.

A MIGHTY OAK. IT'S THE KIND OF TREE..."

I CAN'T SAY THAT.

OH, SURE YOU CAN.

YOU JUST NEED SOME ELOCUTION LESSONS.

ELOCUTION LESSONS?

ELOCUTION LESSONS. FRIDAY AT 1:15, AND BE PROMPT.

THAT'S PROMPT WITH A "T."

HOLD ON A SECOND. VOWS ARE PERSONAL.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART.

I'M TELLING YOU WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART.

IT'S RIGHT THERE... THE SEQUOIA.

NO!

I WANT TO SAY,

"JUNIOR, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF."

[ LAUGHS ]

GET OUT OF HERE!

THAT'S BORING. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU EXPECT 751 PEOPLE TO SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO YOU SAY,

"JUNIOR, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF"?

LIFE ITSELF?!

IT'S JUST NOT GOOD, SWEETIE.

"JUNIOR, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF."

NO PIZZAZZ, BABY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

SHE PROBABLY JUST HAS THE JITTERS.

I'LL GO TALK TO HER. OKAY, YOU DO THAT.

ALL RIGHT. LOOK, GUYS, LET'S FOCUS.

LET'S FOCUS AGAIN,

AND LET'S TALK ABOUT THE HONEYMOON.

NOW, WHAT DO WE SEE VANESSA WEARING?

OH, WELL, MY SILVER JUMPSUIT.

WELL, THAT WAS A GREAT JOB, JUNIOR.

YOU REALLY STUCK UP FOR YOURSELF AND FOR ME.

YEAH, BUT IT'S SO HARD. THEY SEEM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY.

WELL, I'M NOT. I'M UPSET!

IT'S NOT SO BAD.

THE MAN IS WRITING MY WEDDING VOWS, JUNIOR!

I MEAN, IT'S JUST ONE DAY.

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE, JUNIOR!

MY WEDDING DAY! OUR WEDDING DAY!

AND IT'S BEING HIJACKED!

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO, VANESSA? HE'S MY FATHER!

YOU KNOW WHAT, JUNIOR? DON'T DO ANYTHING.

INCLUDING MARRYING ME.

OH, COME ON, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

OKAY, SO NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME

WHAT I MEAN AND WHAT I DON'T MEAN?

WHY DON'T YOU CHECK WITH YOUR FATHER AND ASK HIM WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.

MAYBE THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL TOO FAR FROM THE TREE.

'CAUSE IF YOU CAN'T STAND UP TO YOUR DAD,

YOU'RE NOT READY TO MARRY ANYBODY.

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

DAD, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, SON.

I WAS JUST WORKING ON YOUR VOWS TO VANESSA.

DO YOU LIKE THIS?

"I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF."

[ LAUGHS ] I'M KIDDING.

LOOK, NOW, WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER AS A RADIANT BEAUTY

OR A MAGNIFICENT CREATURE?

I WOULD DESCRIBE HER AS A HOMICIDAL MANIAC.

VANESSA'S VERY, VERY UPSET.

WHY? SHE FEELS THIS WEDDING HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND.

SHE'S A WOMAN.

WHAT DO WOMEN KNOW ABOUT WEDDINGS, ANYWAY?

LOOK, SHE'S JUST EMOTIONAL.

LOOK, ONCE SHE SEES THOSE 16 DOLPHINS

RISE OUT OF THE WATER AND DO THAT BACKWARD THING

THAT THEY DO LIKE THAT...

WE ACTUALLY TRAINED ONE OF THEM TO SAY,

[ IMITATES DOLPHIN CHIRPING ]

"CONGRATULATIONS."

REALLY? "CONGRATULATIONS"?

[ BOTH IMITATE DOLPHIN CHIRPING ]

WOW.

I MEAN, THAT'S COOL,

BUT THAT'S NOT THE WEDDING VANESSA WANTS.

SO WHAT?

IT'S NOT THE WEDDING I WANT, EITHER.

WOULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE?

I MEAN, WHAT PART OF THIS HERCULEAN EFFORT

THAT YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE PUTTING FORTH DO YOU OBJECT TO?

ALL OF IT. OH, THAT'S IT? ALL OF IT?

LOOK, YOU AND MOM ARE TRYING TO IMPOSE

YOUR WEDDING DREAMS ON US.

AND?

AND WE WANT A SIMPLE CEREMONY

WHERE OUR LOVE TAKES CENTER STAGE,

NOT TALKING DOLPHINS AND FIREWORKS.

OKAY, I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.

YOU WANT A SIMPLE CEREMONY WHERE LOVE TAKES CENTER STAGE

WITH A SABER AND F-16s.

NO!

ARE YOU TELLING ME NO?

YES. ARE YOU SAYING YES OR NO?

YES, I'M SAYING NO.

WOW.

THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF MAN I'M HEARING IN YOUR VOICE.

SORRY, DAD.

I'M JUST REALLY ADAMANT ABOUT THIS.

LISTEN, JUNIOR, YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE TRYING TO

GIVE YOU AND VANESSA THE WEDDING WE DIDN'T HAVE.

WE HAD A SIMPLE CEREMONY IN A RINKY-DINK CHURCH

WITH A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.

WHAT YOU AND MOM HAVE IS BEAUTIFUL.

AND ME AND VANESSA WANT THE WEDDING YOU HAD

BECAUSE WE WANT THE MARRIAGE YOU HAVE.

THINK ABOUT IT, JUNIOR.

THE CLYDESDALES. TRUFFLES.

A SABER.

YOU ON A CLYDESDALE

WITH A FIG LEAF ON AND A SABER IN YOUR HAND, HUH?

THAT'S SOMETHING YOU TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT.

NO, YOU DON'T.

OR YOUR THERAPIST. BUT YOU TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT IT.

LOOK, IN GOOD CONSCIENCE,

I CAN'T LET YOU GET MARRIED THE SAME WAY YOUR MOTHER AND I DID.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

AND I HOPE YOU'RE THERE,

BUT IF YOU'RE NOT, WE'LL UNDERSTAND.

THANK YOU, DAD.

I HOPE TO SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING.

IT'S BEEN 20 MINUTES, KIDS. I CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER.

JUNIOR, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE COMING.

LOOK, MAYBE THEY'RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

HONEY, LET'S FACE IT.

IF OUR PARENTS WERE COMING, THEY'D BE HERE BY NOW.

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE READY.

OH, GOODY. HERE WE GO.

WAIT A MINUTE, DON'T YOU NEED A WITNESS?

DAD, MOM! MOM, DAD!

YOU DIDN'T THINK WE'D MISS THIS, DID YOU?

SORRY WE'RE LATE.

CALVIN THOUGHT HE KNEW A SHORTCUT.

WELL, IT WAS A SHORTCUT. TO JERSEY.

YEAH, WELL, THIS IS CONNECTICUT.

YOU TWO...

YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR.

WE SHOULD. YOU MARRIED US 20 YEARS AGO.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WERE WEARING THAT ENORMOUS WEDDING DRESS.

AND YOU HAD A FULL HEAD OF HAIR.

SO DID YOU.

TOUCHé.

TOUPEE. [ LAUGHS ]

LOOK...

GUYS, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR YOUR MOTHER GETTING CARRIED AWAY

AND REALLY TAKING THIS THING OUT...

MICHAEL! OKAY, WE BOTH GOT CARRIED AWAY

AND TRIED TO TAKE OVER YOUR WEDDING, AND WE'RE SORRY.

BUT MOSTLY, WE WANTED TO SAY THAT WE WISH YOU BOTH THE BEST,

AND HOW HAPPY WE ARE FOR YOU, AND THAT WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. AND WE LOVE YOU, TOO.

OKAY, LET'S GET THIS WEDDING UNDERWAY.

I HAVE A FUNERAL TO PERFORM THIS AFTERNOON.

THE POOR GUY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING MARRIED TODAY.

AT LAKE CRYSTALLINE?

YOU KNOW HIM?

YEAH. R-REALLY SAD, SAD SITUATION.

MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

DOES YOUR ORGAN WORK?

OH, YOU MEAN THE ORGAN. YES, YES IT DOES.

DOES ANYONE OBJECT TO ME PROVIDING THE MUSIC?

NO, NO.

WOULD YOU MIND SINGING, "QUE SERA, SERA"?

I WOULD LOVE TO.

OKAY, EVERYBODY COME IN AND HAVE A SEAT.

IT'S SHOWTIME!

JUNIOR, I'VE WATCHED YOU GROW FROM A BOY

TO THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.

I PROMISE TO NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED

AND TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE EACH DAY WE SHARE

BETTER THAN THE LAST.

JUNIOR, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

IT'S A LITTLE BETTER IN CONTEXT.

VANESSA, MY LIFE BEGAN THE MOMENT YOU WALKED INTO IT.

YOUR BELIEF IN ME

GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO BECOME THE MAN

I KNEW I COULD BECOME.

YOU'VE GIVEN ME YOUR LOVE AND A BEAUTIFUL SON...

...AND TODAY, I GIVE YOU MY HEART.

I LOVE YOU, VANESSA.

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

DO YOU, MICHAEL KYLE JR...

I DO! HANG ON.

...TAKE THIS WOMAN, VANESSA SCOTT...

I DO! WAIT FOR IT. I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

...AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

NOW.

I DO.

AND DO YOU, VANESSA SCOTT, TAKE MICHAEL KYLE JR.

AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

I DO.

THEN BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

♪ WHEN I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL ♪

♪ I ASKED MY MOTHER WHAT WOULD I BE ♪

♪ "WILL I BE PRETTY? WILL I BE RICH?" ♪

♪ HERE'S WHAT SHE SAID TO ME ♪

♪ QUE SERA, SERA ♪

♪ WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE ♪

♪ THE FUTURE'S NOT OURS TO SEE ♪

♪ QUE SERA, SERA ♪

DAD, I NEED TO TALK WITH YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, SON. TO TALK TO YOU.

I WAS JUST GOING OVER YOUR WEDDING VOWS.

NOW, WOULD YOU DESCRIBE VANESSA AS A RADIANT BEAUTY

OR A CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON?

AND THEN, FINALLY, AS THE LAST FIREWORKS DESCEND...

PTRTRTRTR.

WHAT?

AND THEN FINALLY,

AS THE LAST FIREWORKS FALL INTO THE LAKE,

THE F-16s FLY OVER... VROOM! AT 300...

[ LAUGHTER ]