Original subtitles

I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON.

AND I AM PICASSO.

AND I'M ANNIE OAKLEY.

All: AND WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE.

YES, I, GEORGE WASHINGTON, BORN IN 1492,

FREER OF THE SLAVES AND THE FIRST PRESIDENT

OF THIS OUR COUNTRY.

THOUGH SAVAGELY IMPEACHED FOR THE SHOOTING OF ABE LINCOLN,

I WILL LEAD US INTO THE DEMISE OF ALL HUMANS.

I AM PICASSO.

I CUT OFF MY EAR WITH A RAZOR IN A MAJOR SHAVING ACCIDENT

AND MAILED IT OFF TO AN EX—GIRLFRIEND

JUST FOR LAUGHS, AND I GUESS I PAINT, TOO.

NEXT!

THAT WOULD BE ME, ANNIE OAKLEY, SKILLED SHOOTIST,

WHO WAS ORPHANED AT A YOUNG AGE.

LIVING A HARD LIFE, MY ONLY SALVATION

CAME AT THE HANDS OF DADDY WARBUCKS, WHO TOOK ME IN

AND FORCED ME TO SING.

AND NOW I SEEK MY REVENGE ON THE HUMAN RACE.

REVENGE, THE TIME IS NOW!

YES!

BUT I MUST INSIST WE VOTE, FOR WE MUST UPHOLD DEMOCRACY.

AYE.

AYE.

AYE.

WAIT, WERE WE AGREEING TO VOTE OR WAS THAT THE VOTE?

HEY, SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO SOMETHING,

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

THEY SEEM LIKE THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING, STARBOY.

MY MONEY IS ON THEM BEING UP TO SOMETHING, BUT WHAT?

EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

BUT WHAT?

SOMETHING, MY BROTHER, MY ACTUAL BROTHER.

THEN WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING, EH, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE?

LIKE WHAT, STARBOY?

WE HAVE TO STOP THEM.

BUT WHAT IF THEY KILL OFF THE HUMAN RACE?

THEY WON'T, IF WE STOP THEM FIRST.

YEAH, I'M NOT—— WELL—...

WE STOP THEM BEFORE THEY KILL EVERYONE.

AND I'M SORRY, WHY NOT AFTER?

BECAUSE THEY WILL HAVE DONE THAT THINGY.

THE THINGY.

YUP.

OKAY, LET'S BACK UP A LITTLE. OKAY.

I'M NOT EXACTLY FOLLOWING YOU.

I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD, OKAY.

OKAY.

MY, AREN'T YOU A BIG BOY.

YOU MEAN LIKE THAT?

THAT'S GOOD. SURE.

OKAY. KEEP IT GOING.

YOU HAVE VERY NICE ARMS.

UH, THAT HELPS. OKAY.

♪ STARBOY ♪

♪ AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE ♪

♪ THEY FIGHT THE MIGHTY FIGHT IN THE NIGHT ♪

♪ AND DROWN THE HANDS OF EVILNESS IN SIGHT ♪

♪ THEY'RE RASCALLY BADGERS OF MEDIUM GIRTH ♪

♪ THEY'RE SAVING THE PLANET AND ALSO THE EARTH ♪

♪ BUT BEWARE FINE HEROES OF THE EVIL DOWN THERE ♪

♪ OF WASHINGTON, PICASSO, AND ANNIE OAKLEY OVER THERE ♪

♪ THE THREE OF THEM ARE EVIL AND EVIL ARE ALL THREE ♪

♪ BUT THEY WANT TO DESTROY IT ♪

♪ THEY WANT TO DESTROY IT ♪

♪ STARBOY ♪

♪ AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE ♪

♪ STARBOY ♪

LOOK, WE'RE BEING WATCHED BY STARBOY

AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

THEN THEY MUST KNOW OF OUR PLAN.

NOT TO WORRY MY EVIL ONES.

WE'VE YET TO REVEAL OUR BIGGEST SECRET.

BRING IN THE HOSTAGES.

I'M SHAKESPEARE.

AND I'M OLIVER TWIST.

AND I'M THE MERMAID QUEEN.

HELP US!

YES, IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO US

WHILE WE INNOCENTLY DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE,

THE HOSTAGES GET IT.

AND WE START WITH SHAKESPEARE.

NO, I'M TOO YOUNG AND I'M STILL WRITING MY MASTERPIECE

CALLED, "CATS."

AND YOU'LL BE NEXT, OLIVER TWIST.

FINE WITH ME.

SILENCE. OOH!

AND FINALLY, YOU, THE MERMAID QUEEN.

BUT I'M NOT DOING NOTHING WRONG AND NEITHER DO THE OTHER FOUR.

THE OTHER TWO.

THREE.

OTHER—— TWO. THREE.

TWO? I'M SORRY.

I HAVE A TROUBLE WITH THE MATHEMATIC.

LOOK, I AM JUST SAYING, PLEASE DON'T KILL THE MERMAID QUEEN.

YOU INTERFERE AND THEY GET IT, UNDERSTAND STARBOY?

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE UP TO OUR CUFFS IN DANGER,

EH, LA CAPITAN DE LA UTRO ESPACIO?

RIGHTO, STARBOY.

RIGHT NOW, I'M ROUNDING THE JEFFERSON'S SPACE PLANE

TOWARDS EARTH.

GREAT. FANTASTIC.

THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

NOW. YEP.

RIGHT.

NOW, GO GET ME A LEMONADE, HUH?

YEAH, LEMONADE.

YEP.

WHAT?

NO, YOU GET YOUR OWN LEMONADE.

I'M BUSY FLYING THE SPACE PLANE.

YEAH, UH—HUH.

HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CAP?

YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE GO GETTER, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE A ONE OF A KIND GOOD LOOKING,

GOOD OLD FASHIONED, FUNNY, SMART, GOOD LOOKING GO GETTER.

AND I MEAN THAT ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID.

WELL, THANK YOU, STARBOY.

YEAH.

NOW GO GET ME A LEMONADE, HUH?

RIGHT.

YOUR LEMONADE, SIR.

HEY, THANKS A HUNDRED, CAP'UM.

MMM, YES, GOOD STUFF THERE.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW DID YOU GET ME TO GET YOU LEMONADE?

HUH.

♪ WELL, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED ABOUT THAT THING ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO IS SING ♪

♪ A SONG ABOUT GETTING PEOPLE TO DO STUFF FOR YOU ♪

♪ BY USING COMPLIMENTS EVEN IF THEY AIN'T TRUE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT ♪

♪ NOW MY LICK MY HANDS AND PAINT THAT CRATE ♪

OKAY.

I GOTCHA. OH.

SEE, NOW YOU TRY.

ALL RIGHT.

♪ YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT SHIRT ♪

♪ NOW HELP ME HEM MY BRAND NEW SKIRT ♪

OKAY.

♪ YOU HAVE VERY NICE CHEEK BONES ♪

♪ NOW HELP ME CO—SIGN THIS BANK LOAN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE A COMPLIMENT WILL GET YOU FAR ♪

♪ EVEN IF IT'S JUST A LIE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOUR SKIN'S AS SOFT AS BUTTERMILK ♪

♪ NOW HELP ME PAINT MY THIGHS ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TO COMPLIMENT 'CAUSE IT'S NOT COMPLICATED ♪

♪ IF YOU WANT SOME LEMONADE ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TO START MANIPULATING ♪

♪ WE WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT SEEMS TO BE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU NEED TO COMPLIMENT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE NEED ♪

Starboy: YEAH. Captain: GOTCHA.

Lynch: SO, UH, I GET THE SENSE THAT YOU'RE STRUGGLING

WITH YOUR TIMES TABLES.

I WILL ADMIT THERE IS A SMALL PROBLEMS

WITH THE MULPLITICATIONS.

WELL, UH, YEAH.

UH, LET'S LOOK AT YOUR LAST COUPLE OF TEST SCORES, HUH?

OKAY.

OH, BOY, OH, LOOK AT THAT.

I HAVE NO IDEA I LET MYSELF SLIP LIKE THAT.

RIGHT.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT?

WE WORK ON THE MULPLITICATIONS.

IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

MM—HMM.

AND OUR PRONUNCIATIONS.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THINK SO.

RIGHT.

FAILING.

HOMEWORK.

MUCH, MUCH MORE HOMEWORK.

DETENTION.

FAILED EVERYTHING.

THAT'S NO GOOD.

Melissa: BRENDON. BRENDON.

BRENDON. YEAH?

WHAT UP? YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I HOPE HE DOESN'T TALK TO ME NEXT.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I HATE DISCUSSING GRADES WITH MR. LYNCH,

PARTICULARLY MY GRADES.

BUT HE'S THE TEACHER.

EXACTLY.

YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT THE UPPER HAND.

HE KNOWS MY WEAKNESSES.

Melissa: BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

WHY, BECAUSE I TRY NEVER TO TAKE MY WORK HOME WITH ME.

BUT IT'S CALLED HOMEWORK.

IT'S A LIFE QUALITY ISSUE, MELISSA.

BRENDON.

YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.

DOES THIS COME AS A SURPRISE TO YOU?

NO.

WELL, YOU'VE DONE PRETTY MUCH NO HOMEWORK

AND YOU DON'T STUDY FOR ANY TESTS.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE TO OVER PREPARE.

WELL, YOU'RE IN NO DANGER OF THAT

BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING HISTORY.

YEAH, CAN WE LOWER OUR VOICES?

BECAUSE THIS IS PERSONAL AND EVERYBODY PROBABLY HEARD THAT.

Lynch: BRENDON, WHY DON'T YOU STUDY?

IF YOU JUST STUDY, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION

AND NOBODY ELSE WOULD BE HEARING IT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOTTEN THAT BEFORE AND—...

Lynch: BRENDON, HERE, LOOK.

THE QUESTION WAS, ON THIS TEST HERE,

WHO WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

YOU WROTE, "YES."

YEAH, WELL, THAT QUESTION WASN'T VERY SPECIFIC.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS: THE QUESTION WAS,

WHO WROTE HAMLET?

YOU WROTE, "THE POPE'S COUSIN COUNT POPULA, A MAGICAL MONSTER

WITH PENCILS FOR ARMS."

I'LL BE HONEST, MR. LYNCH, I MADE THAT ONE UP.

OKAY.

LOOK, I WANT US TO WORK AND THIS AND I'D LIKE

TO START TUTORING YOU AFTER SCHOOL.

OH, I DON'T——I DON'T KNOW.

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW.

I ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, MR. LYNCH.

OH, YOU ALREADY HAVE A TUTOR, HUH.

WHO'S THAT?

I'VE GOT TO ADMIT, BRENDON,

I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I THOUGHT WE WORKED ON HISTORY.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE FEW ANSWERS THAT YOU TOLD ME WERE WRONG

AND MOST OF THE OTHER STUFF YOU TOLD ME NEVER CAME UP.

RIGHT.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU AGAIN?

Brendon: ABOUT THE AREA 51 STUFF AND THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

WELL, ALL THAT STUFF IS TRUE, BRENDON, ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S THE STUFF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT.

RIGHT.

PROBABLY WHY THEY FAILED YOU, YOU KNOW.

RIGHT.

BECAUSE YOU WERE IN ON IT.

NOW YOU'RE COMPLICIT, NOW YOU KNOW.

RIGHT.

NOW YOU'RE SINGLED OUT. SURE.

McGuirk: YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH YOUR BACK. Brendon: RIGHT.

REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT AREA 51?

YEAH, THAT'S WHERE THEY STORE THE FROZEN BODIES

OF THE ALIENS THAT LANDED ON EARTH.

AND WHAT ABOUT AREA 52?

THAT'S WHERE THEY STORE THE FROZEN BODIES

OF THE ILLEGAL ALIENS.

VERY GOOD. RIGHT.

IT'S ALSO A PORN MOVIE. RIGHT.

NOW WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT ON A TEST?

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME, IT'S EASY.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN.

I WOULD HAVE HAD THEY ASKED ME ABOUT IT.

McGuirk: WELL, WHAT DID THEY ASK YOU ABOUT?

HISTORICAL FIGURES.

NOW, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

Brendon: YEAH.

WHAT, LIKE JIMMY HOFFA?

DID THEY—...

NO, MORE LIKE WASHINGTON.

WELL, THEN JUST PLUG IN THE AREA 51 ANSWER.

MM. RIGHT. YEAH.

DID THEY ASK YOU ANYTHING ABOUT SAM ADAMS?

I KNOW ABOUT HIM.

HE WAS A BREWER AND A PATRIOT. AND I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

IT'S ON THE LABEL.

YEAH.

HAD FUNNY HAIR.

YEAH.

YOU WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE?

SURE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT IT.

I WONDER IF YOU'RE A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED.

YEAH.

THIS IS CRAZY, BUT MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE

WORKING A LITTLE TOO MUCH ON YOUR FILMS.

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY, BUT, MOM, I'M GETTING PRESSURED

BY MELISSA AND JASON TO BRING THESE MOVIES IN ON TIME

AND UNDER BUDGET.

SO THERE'S, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO—-

I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, BRENDON,

BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE FAILING.

YOU THINK IT'S GREAT.

BECAUSE I'M GONNA SAVE SO MUCH MONEY NOT PAYING

FOR YOU TO GO TO FILM SCHOOL.

MOM, I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE ENERGY RIGHT NOW

IN MY LIFE TO BE TUTORED, YOU KNOW.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT ENERGY YOU AREN'T USING

ON YOUR HOMEWORK.

THAT'S WHAT——MOM,

THAT'S A DIFFERENT CONVERSATION ENTIRELY.

YOU COULD USE A LITTLE OF THAT ENERGY TO GET TUTORED?

YEAH.

YOU'RE JUST—— NOW WE'RE JUST

TALKING IN CIRCLES, YOU KNOW, SO—...

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, BRENDON?

YEAH?

I SAY YOU'RE GOING AND THAT'S FINAL.

♪ STARBOY ♪

♪ AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE ♪

EVIL GEORGE WASHINGTON.

YES, PICASSO?

I BELIEVE NOW IS THE TIME WE SET ASIDE

FOR KILLING OFF THE HUMAN RACE.

YEAH, LET'S GET COOKING ALREADY.

OKAY.

HOLD YOUR HORSES.

HOLD ON TO THEM, ANNIE OAKLEY.

WELL, IF WE'RE GONNA DO IT, LET'S DO IT NOW,

BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO TODAY.

PLEASE, MY EVIL FRIENDS, ONE MOMENT.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT DESTROYING THE HUMAN RACE,

BUT HAVE EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW WE'D DO IT.

I THOUGHT WE'D USE ROCKS.

ROCKS.

Annie: LOTS OF ROCKS.

NO, YOU IDIOTS.

ROCKS! Washington: WE'RE NOT GONNA USE ROCKS.

I'VE COLLECTED MANY ROCKS.

ROCKS! Washington: NO ROCKS.

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS FROM?

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO NOW

IS INTRODUCE YOU TO MY KILLING MACHINE,

WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE KITTY.

PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MR. PANTS.

MR. PANTS.

♪ I'M MR. PANTS AND I'M COMIN' TO GET YA ♪

♪ YOU BETTER RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ YOU BETTER RUN OR I'LL CATCH YA ♪

♪ I GOT PAWS LIKE A CAT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM ♪

♪ I'LL BLOW UP ON THE CARPET AND SCRATCH UP YOUR HANDS ♪

♪ I'M THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST KITTY IN THE LAND ♪

♪ MY NAME IS MR. PANTS, I'M THE KITTY CAT MAN ♪

♪ NOBODY'S GONNA STOP ME FROM HAVIN' MY WAY ♪

♪ MY NAME IS MR. PANTS AND HAVE A NICE DAY ♪

♪ YOU'LL SCREAM FOR YOUR LIFE 'CAUSE YOU WON'T BE HAPPY ♪

♪ MY NAME IS MR. PANTS AND I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF CRAPPY ♪

♪ MR. PANTS IS MY NAME AND I'D LIKE TO SAY HI ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL AND WE'LL HANG OUT SOMETIME ♪

♪ I'M MR. PANTS ♪

♪ I'M THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST KITTY IN THE LAND ♪

♪ MY NAME IS MR. PANTS, I'M THE KITTY CAT MAN ♪

♪ NOBODY'S GONNA STOP ME FROM HAVIN' MY WAY ♪

♪ MY NAME IS MR. PANTS AND HAVE A NICE DAY ♪

MR. PANTS.

Washington COME ON. YEAH. Washington: GIVE HIM A LITTLE.

HELP!

OH, WE NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT OUR PRISONERS.

WELL ME AND PICASSO DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF KEEPING THEM AROUND,

WE'D JUST SLOWLY KILL THEM NOW.

OH, RIGHT.

WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT.

WE DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE A PROBLEM.

YOU'RE NOT MAD ARE YOU?

WELL GUYS, I——I HAVE TO ADMIT I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

I THOUGHT WE MADE DECISIONS TOGETHER.

WELL, YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM.

STILL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED TILL I GOT OUT?

YOU DO TAKE FOREVER IN THE BATHROOM.

Annie: REALLY.

I DON'T KNOW, YOU TWO GUYS.

I DON'T——I'M A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTED IN YOU TWO.

YOU KNOW, I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON.

HERE WE GO.

HEY, COME ON. LET ME FINISH.

OKAY, PULL IT TOGETHER G.W.

OKAY.

OKAY, SO WE'RE KILLING THE HOSTAGES, WELL WHERE ARE THEY?

UH... Washington: COME ON.

I THOUGHT YOU—— Washington: ANNIE OAKLEY.

'CAUSE I WAS OUT WHEN YOU DID THE—-

THIS WHOLE THING IS FALLING APART.

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

YEAH, IT'S NEVER PICASSO'S FAULT.

PICASSO——WHAT ARE YOU AN ANGEL?

HEY, LOOK.

OH, THEY THEY ARE. THEY THEY ARE.

HELP, WE'RE BEING LOWERED INTO THE ACID.

YEAH, WE'RE BEING LOWERED INTO IT, GUYS.

YEAH, VERY SLOWLY.

YEAH, SPEED IT UP.

YOU ARE CRAZY.

SLOW IT DOWN.

NO FASTER.

OH, NO.

WE NEED THE STARBOY AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE

TO HELP US OUT HERE.

Starboy: COME ON, LET'S GO, CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE.

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR.

I FEEL FAT.

SAVE US!

THAT'S IT, IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE FOREVER,

THEN I'M HAVING A HOT DOG.

Captain: OKAY, ME TOO.

HELP.

MM, HOW DO THEY MAKE HOT DOGS ANYWAY?

WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THEY'RE BORN THAT WAY.

THAT IS THE CUTEST THING YOU'VE SAID ALL DAY.

THANK YOU.

HELP!

STARBOY, SERIOUSLY, WE SHOULD STOP SCREWING AROUND

AND GO FIND OUT HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE.

THAT'S THE BEST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD.

AND NOW WE'RE BACK.

OH, YEAH, THAT WAS JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

THAT DIDN'T HELP THE FEELING FAT PART.

YEAH, I MIGHT TAKE A NAP.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME TEA.

HEY, THANKS.

GOD!

OH, GOD, IT BURNS.

HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT.

IT'S LIKE WE'RE DEAD.

RIGHT, WE FORGOT.

WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM.

YES, STARBOY, BUT HOW?

BUT HOW?

WE HAVE TO LEARN THE EVIL HISTORICICAL FIGURESSES WEAKNESSESSES.

WHAT?

Starboy: WE HAVE TO LEARN THEIR WEAKNESSES.

WE DO.

YES, CAP'UM.

I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD GET COOKING ON THAT.

LET'S GO BACK TO THE HOT DOG FACTORY.

OKAY.

SO THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT WASHINGTON?

IT'S A JUNIOR HIGH. MM.

IT'S ON WASHINGTON STREET. MM.

WAS A——HE WAS THE ONE THAT DISCOVERED WASHINGTON STATE.

AND I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS HE WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT.

YES.

AND—...

HE'S, UH, EVIL.

YOU KNOW, BRENDON, A LOT OF THIS INFORMATION

IS ACTUALLY IN YOUR BOOK.

Lynch: REMEMBER THOSE THINGS WITH THE COVER LIKE ON THEM.

ER, THE BOOKS.

YEAH, REMEMBER THE ONE THAT SAYS HISTORY

AND IT HAS WASHINGTON ON THE COVER.

YEAH, UM, I GOT THAT SOMEWHERE.

YEAH, THAT'S THE HISTORY BOOK.

OKAY.

Lynch: BRENDON. YEAH?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GET EASILY DISTRACTED?

LET ME PUT THIS ANOTHER WAY.

YOU GET EASILY DISTRACTED, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

WELL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE?

Lynch: MM, I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GET YOU TO FOCUS.

ON WHAT?

ON WHAT.

ON WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ON WHAT DO I THINK?

YES.

YES AS IN CORRECT.

YES AS IN CORRECT.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON.

YES AS IN CORRECT ON THE WHAT DO I THINK

IS WHAT I SHOULD FOCUS ON.

MM—HMM.

ON THOSE GRADES OF MINE.

YES, AS IN CORRECT. Brendon: YES.

BUT I THINK THE PROBLEM HERE IS THAT YOU HAVE

A HARD TIME PAYING ATTENTION.

ON THAT, WHAT I THINK IS YES, AS IN CORRECT.

LOOK BRENDON, I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO HELP YOU

IF I DIDN'T THINK I WAS SMART.

WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.

HEY, BRENDON,

WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY AT ME FOR, ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I NEVER SAID I WAS ANGRY.

WELL, YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE I GAVE YOU

THE WRONG ANSWER THAT ONE TIME.

YOU GAVE ME WRONG ANSWERS, BUT I'M NOT MAD.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

I SHOULD BE MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE

WHO STARTED SEEING THIS OTHER TUTOR.

I'M——I'M NOT SEEING ANYBODY.

WHO IS IT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SOCCER COACH.

THAT'S WHAT I GET PAID FOR AND I FIGURED I COULD MAKE

A LITTLE MONEY ON THE SIDE TUTORING YOU.

BUT I ALSO FELT SORRY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ALL BENT—...

HEY, WHO ARE YOU CALLING SLOW?

YOU.

HUH, REAL NICE.

YEAH, YEAH IT IS.

YEAH, REAL NICE.

I'M NOT THE SLOW ONE.

YEAH, SO THIS IS IT THEN.

McGuirk: YEAH, THIS IS IT.

GREAT. NICE KNOWING YOU.

OKAY, I'M WILLING TO PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE, OKAY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW.

TELL YOUR TUTOR I SAID "HI."

WELL, MAYBE I WILL.

WELL, GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.

WELL, MAYBE I——OKAY. OKAY, GOODBYE.

McGuirk: BYE—BYE. SEE YOU LATER.

WALK AWAY.

I'M WALKING.

AND PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL—BEING.

WHAT?

I SAID, PARDON ME FOR CARING ABOUT YOUR WELL—BEING.

WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE.

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO DID THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS?

YES, I DO.

McGuirk: OH, YEAH, WH? NIXON.

THAT'S CORRECT.

AND WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?

UH, YOU DID.

YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.

OH, MAN.

WELL, I'LL ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.

LET'S HEAR IT.

I'M SORRY.

McGuirk: NO, LET'S HEAR THE ADDRESS

IN THE NIXON VOICE THAT I TAUGHT YOU.

Nixon impression: I'M NOT A CROOK.

QUICKLY CAPTAIN, UNTIE THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

YEAH, WE'LL DO.

MR. PANTS, THERE THEY ARE.

GET THEM.

STARBOY AND THE CAPTAIN OF OUTER SPACE

WILL SOON BE NO MORE.

HA, HA, HA—...

GET THEM, MR. PANTS.

Captain: NICE KNOWING YOU, STARBOY.

I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

OF WHAT?

GET THEM, MR. PANTS.

WAIT.

I HAVE A PLAN.

PARDON ME, MR. PANTS.

HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT?

NO.

BECAUSE I——THE REASON I SAY THAT IS

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT PHYSIQUE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, STARBOY—— OH!

COMPLIMENT HIM.

YEAH, SO, MR. PANTS, ARE YOU A MODEL?

NO.

DO YOU HAVE ANY HEAD SHOTS?

STARBOY AND I ARE MAKING A FILM.

YES, WE——WE ARE FILM MAKERS.

WELL, WE'RE PRODUCERS.

WELL, YES, AND HE'S A STAR.

OH, NO, THEY'RE CONFUSING MR. PANTS WITH COMPLIMENTS.

DON'T LISTEN, MR. PANTS.

♪ WELL YOU'RE A PRETTY KITTY NOW GET THOSE GUYS, ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN A BOX AND TAPE UP THE SIDES ♪

♪ NOW THROW IT INTO SPACE, SHALL WE, STRAIGHT UP THERE ♪

♪ BECAUSE YOU'RE A PRETTY KITTY WITH PRETTY KITTY HAIR ♪

♪

OH, NO.

WE'RE IN OUTER SPACE.

BRENDON, UH,

YOU MIND COMING UP HERE FOR A SECOND.

I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY TEST YOU TOOK YESTERDAY.

OH, MAN.

I FAILED, DIDN'T I?

WELL, WELL, NOT SO FAST THERE, LITTLE MISTER.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK FIRST?

I GOT AN F.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.

LOOKS LIKE WE WON, HEY STARBOY.

YEAH, IT DOES, OLD FRIEND.

YEAH, IT DOES.

WHAT NOW DO WE DO?

WE WAIT AND WE SIT AND IF EVIL COMES, WE'LL BE READY.

YES, READY BECAUSE NOBODY CAN BEAT US, STARBOY.

NOT EVEN OUR FOREFATHERS.

OR OUR FOREMOTHERS.

HUH.

FOREMOTHERS, HUH?

YEAH, I WANTED TO BE EQUAL.

YEAH.

DID YOU ENJOY IT?

YES.

IT——IT WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING.

WELL, I MEAN, IT'S A KIND OF MOVIE YOU HAVE TO WATCH

A FEW TIMES TO TOTALLY GET.

UH, I'M SORT OF CONCERNED THOUGH ABOUT YOUR BRAINS.

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

I'M CONCERNED THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED.

OH, SO YOU'VE SEEN MY TEST.

I DON'T THINK THAT COUNTED AS A TEST BECAUSE IN A TEST

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

I KNOW.

YOU DID NOT ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

I KNOW.

THOUGH YOU DID DIAGRAM THE SENTENCES OF THE QUESTIONS.

YEAH.

WHICH YOU DID WRONG.

AM I IN TROUBLE?

WELL THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE GROUNDED.

WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?

I'M NOT LETTING YOU USE YOUR CAMERA FOR TWO WEEKS.

I THINK THAT'S STILL BAD NEWS.

TRUST ME THAT MIGHT BE GOOD NEWS.

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