Original subtitles

♪ Well, I don't know why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feeling That something ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me ♪

♪ Jokers to the right Here I am ♪

♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

So Frankie thought I was having a heart attack, carted me off to the ER.

Well, of course, they could see almost immediately that I wasn't.

You seem upset about that.

Oh, boy, was she.

In fact, Dr. Gelson, you're gonna wanna look into her anger issues.

I'll send you my file.

Do you have Dropbox?

No, but I do have a waiting room.

Getting Frankie out of therapy?

It's almost as hard as getting me into therapy.

Well, since she successfully got you in,

how about you wait outside and let me do my job?

Fine. But you two are gonna have to talk really loud

if you want me to hear everything.

Get out.

Right, like that.

You know, it's pretty common for people to go to the ER

thinking they're having a heart attack, and it turns out to be a panic attack.

No. No, no, no.

I am not a person who gets panic attacks, okay?

It was just one of those times where you start to have trouble breathing.

And maybe you sweat a little more than usual,

your vision gets a little blurry.

You mean like a panic attack?

I make people panic.

I'm not the panick-er, I'm the panick-ee.

Which sounds like "panicky," which I am not.

What are you writing?

Therapist stuff.

Earlier, you said, "It was just one of those times."

So this has happened before.

I've had breathing issues maybe two or three times before,

closer to two.

So that means once every 40 years. Let's not overreact.

Then what brought you here, Grace?

The woman whose ear is against the door.

She has a name!

The two of you seem to have an unusual relationship.

The only thing unusual about this relationship is Frankie.

A woman who asked no questions when a psychic told her

she was gonna die in three months.

Interesting.

Did this happen recently?

Maybe thinking about your friend's mortality...

My friend is not gonna die.

She's already survived a yurt explosion,

and her son, Coyote.

Besides, I don't have a problem with death, okay?

No, this breathing thing was just... It was...

probably an allergic reaction...

to tuna fish, obviously.

And now that I think about it,

the other two times were likely tuna fish-related too.

Hey, thanks for fixing me.

There are still 46 minutes left in our session.

I'll donate it to the guy in the waiting room.

He looks like he's got some stuff.

Oh!

Hello.

I need a divorce.

Don't you need to get married first?

This isn't about Jessica. It's about his other wife.

There's this woman named Missy.

We got married years ago on a bender.

You don't remember what happened?

I really liked cocaine.

I was sitting at a blackjack table at the Mirage,

I hadn't won a single hand all night until your sweet, stoned tush

plopped itself down in the seat beside me.

Suddenly, I couldn't stop winning.

We barely left the casino that weekend, and I joked that we should get hitched.

Oh, my God.

We were at the cantina buffet.

I gave you my ponytail holder as an engagement ring.

You're not gonna need that back.

It's an age-old story, addict meets gambler.

Gambler wins a shit ton. Addict and gambler get married.

Addict walks out to buy a bag of blow and never returns.

I immediately started losing,

and I vowed that if I ever found my lucky charm again,

I'd never let him go.

Why don't you just tell her you're not a lucky charm

and that she didn't actually win because of you?

Believe me, Dad, I tried to reason with her,

but old lucky charm here had to win her another pot of gold.

Well...

See, there was this camel race.

- Just pick a camel. - Fine.

- What about that one? - Batte Nasseh?

He has 40-to-1 odds.

But he has such bedroom eyes.

Batte won?

- By a hump. - We were shocked.

I Googled the name, and it literally translates to "slow and fat."

Hey.

Got your text. Lunchtime quickie?

I'm loving your new unemployed life.

No. Quickie presentation.

Probably for the best. I can't really perform on a clock.

I know.

Okay, sit down.

Idea Number 1.

Wouldn't it be great if you just pick up your phone and type or speak a request,

and a virtual assistant would just bring up the results instantly?

I call it...

Adam.

You mean Siri?

That's a great idea. Everyone loves Siri.

It's way more than Siri.

Let's say you want your usual coffee order from your favorite café.

You can just tell Adam you want coffee,

and in a few minutes, it'll be dropped off at your door.

I love that idea too.

Just like Postmates.

No. It's completely different from Postmates.

How?

Why is everything something?

Well, wait, what about some of these other Post-its?

Here you go.

"A little notepad that sticks to things."

My ideas are bad, aren't they?

Oh, Brianna, no.

These...

aren't your ideas.

Oh, my God.

I've never had an original idea.

Say Grace was pretty good idea.

No chance you didn't hear that, right?

I heard it.

You know what else I'm hearing?

My entire career has been built on other people's ideas.

What if I'm incapable of coming up with my own?

Hey. You had that great idea to order Indian last night.

- Barry, you should go back to work. - Yup.

I have a thought.

If there is no reasoning with this Missy,

then we'll have to beat her at her own game.

What do you mean?

In my preparation for the role of Sky Masterson,

the quintessential smooth-as-velvet Broadway gambler,

I learned quite a bit about how superstitious gamblers are.

If Missy has even one bad experience with Coyote,

she'll be gone before the flop.

That's a poker term.

Are you proposing a father-son trip to Vegas?

Even better.

I am proposing that we host Missy right here

for a private poker game, and we beat the pants off her.

He doesn't like Vegas.

It reminds him that he's not Wayne Newton.

But how can you be so sure that one of us is gonna win?

Haven't you heard? The house always wins.

And if that fails...

we cheat.

Mm.

So smoking this weed will help you find the other weed?

This is my find-my-good-weed weed.

The other weed is gonna help me come up with ideas?

Well, why do you think they call it Thinking Cap OG?

That's how I came up with the Rise Up and Coyote's name.

It could go either way, huh?

But mostly good.

- What are you trying to jump-start? - My brain.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure to come up with my next big thing.

Well, you're welcome to any of my ideas.

Oh. Here, check out my Thinking Cap notebook.

Jesus, Frankie.

This one just says

- "Mickey Rourke fingers." - Mm.

It's really good weed.

Oh, Frankie, let's go. We're late.

We're supposed to be at Walden Villas at 2.

Hi, Mom.

Bye, Brianna.

She's been worse than usual since her panic attack.

You had a panic attack?

I thought you make people panic.

I do.

I had an allergic reaction to some tuna fish.

It's happened a few times in the past, so there.

The ER doctor was pretty sure it was a panic attack.

Panic attacks are an extreme reaction.

Mom doesn't really have that kind of emotional range.

Thank you.

Just to be safe, I should drive.

Now, where's my driving weed?

I don't understand why you had to bring a big bag of garbage with us.

We're going to a Bonida party.

Walden Villas is the perfect place to give away my stuff.

You need to stop giving away your stuff.

Where I'm going, I won't need stuff.

Except a harp.

But I don't own one.

Stop angling for a harp.

And if you insist on giving your things away, do me a favor.

Keep the reason to yourself.

Why? It's a riveting tale.

How does that conversation go?

Someone says they've gotten a terminal diagnosis

from their real doctor,

and you say you've gotten a terminal reading from your psychic?

Fine, you're right.

But if someone guesses it, I'm not gonna correct them.

Jessica, thank you for coming.

This is Missy. Jessica is the other one.

I knew that. I call everyone Jessica.

I hope you're prepared.

We're a serious group of cardies here.

Oh, I'm not worried. I can't lose.

Plus, you said "cardies."

The game is Texas Hold'em.

I thought this was poker.

Texas Hold'em is poker, Jessica.

Done.

Oh, my God.

I'm so beautiful.

If you could only bottle this feeling and sell it.

Well, you can't.

But you can go to the Nordstrom makeup counter and have them do it for you.

I'd be too embarrassed.

You have to sit in the aisle and everyone's watching.

Yeah. A lot of people don't like that.

I'd rather just do it at home.

Honey...

you can't do it.

Somebody has to teach you about your face.

Will you teach me about my face?

You know what, Barry?

I won't.

But you just gave me my first original idea.

And I need to make some calls before I forget what I'm calling about.

Hi there.

We're here.

This is for the party.

Who are you?

The Bonida Bandidas.

Oh. What?

We're like Robin Hood for bone meds.

With a little bit of Mexico in there. You know the game.

- Are there any weapons in the bag? - It's Bonida for your residents.

So just say that, then.

You know, I noticed you're wearing a T-shirt under your scrubs.

- That's a weird thing to notice. - Thank you.

I have several more T-shirts you might be interested in.

And I might even have a set of scrubs I stole from the set of Scrubs.

I'm pretty sure Zach Braff felt me up at the DMV once.

Oh, that guy.

Oh, Bob.

Hey.

Sick tee?

Maybe I can interest you in a Slinky, only semi-tangled?

- How much? - Oh, totally gratis.

Why are you giving stuff away? Especially cool stuff like this?

Because I'm... I'm going away off to college in the fall.

I wanna reinvent myself.

Very smooth.

Hey, would you like some thyroid medication?

Jackpot!

Wait. What are you doing?

Those are not for you.

But I need them to live.

Well, so does she.

Take a hike, Bob.

Not allowed.

What are you doing giving away your thyroid medicine?

I don't need this stuff anymore.

Why shouldn't it go to someone who does?

Because you're not actually dying.

I don't know how else to break the bad news to you,

but you're gonna live a long time.

Would you listen if I used skywriting?

Yes, under other circumstances.

But, Grace, you've gotta get ahold of the situation.

In three months, I'm a goner, whether I give away my medication or not.

If you don't take your medicine, you're not even gonna live that long!

What's happening?

Is it the tuna again?

Nod once if it's the tuna.

Is that tuna?

Are you eating tuna fish?

Are you insane?

She has a horrible allergy to tuna!

I'm eating whitefish on a bagel.

Whitefish is in the tuna family.

- Get me an EpiPen! - It's gonna be okay, honey.

Don't touch me with that thing.

It's not the fish.

Then what is it?

It's you.

Stop talking about you dying.

I thought we weren't gonna bring that up.

Thanks so much for coming over on such short notice.

Look at you.

Little Stewie.

A big venture capitalist.

I know. It's actually Stuart now.

Thank you so much for correcting me, Stewie.

You know, I gotta be honest,

part of me was a little nervous

you'd still be mad about my senior project.

Oh. When you mathematically proved I was a loser?

I don't even remember that.

That is a relief,

because I have this fabulous idea

I think you'd be interested in investing in.

Oh. I am very interested.

But before you begin, I just wanna say...

no.

- I'm sorry? - Brianna plus any idea

equals not interested.

So you only came here for revenge?

Yes.

Ahh, do you have any idea how long I've waited for this moment?

How many hours of therapy I've been in because of you?

Fine.

Because I didn't want you to have this idea anyway.

This was a warm-up pitch.

I can go anywhere.

Hmm. Well, I surf with every VC in the area.

I made sure none of them would hear a pitch from you.

I should have killed you when I had the chance at that swim meet.

Finally.

Just kidding. I rivered the inside straight.

Are you serious?

And did you just use "river" as a verb?

Dad, I told you to watch Rounders before we did this.

I thought you said Tremors.

Which, by the way, holds up.

Well, I'm all out.

And I watched Rounders.

You are the luckiest person I've met

since that autofellating gentleman from Cirque du Soleil.

Oh, I'm not the lucky one.

He is.

I'm just lucky to have him.

I told you, I'm fine.

I could have driven us.

Liars don't get wheel privileges.

You could've told me what you were going through.

Oh, yeah, that really comes naturally to me.

Besides, I didn't wanna validate your inane fixation.

All this talk about you dying just terrifies me.

I mean, the reality is one of us is gonna lose the other.

That's true.

Unless we do a Thelma & Louise thing.

Which I'm open to.

Pass.

Ah. So you were bluffing.

But was I?

Yes.

You lost.

I'm gonna join Sol and Bud in the losers' circle.

We're playing rock, paper, scissors.

So I guess it's down to just you and Robert.

Oh, rats.

Just another totally neutral hand.

I'll...

check.

I...

suppose I'll bet.

I'll see you.

And I'll raise you.

I'll see your raise.

Pot's right.

I could throw a few more bones at it. Why not?

I could put you all in.

I'd put you all in if I had any more chips.

And if I'm understanding "all in."

But you can't. Unless you got anything else valuable lying around.

You don't happen to have sleep apnea, do you?

Try again.

I will see your raise, and raise you my husband's Rolex watch.

You have to be kidding me.

Looks like we got ourselves a real card game.

Deal it, my little rabbit's foot.

No. This has to stop.

What does?

I'm not dealing this last card.

I'm sorry.

But why?

Because I'm never gonna prove to you that I'm not your lucky charm.

I wasn't a lucky man until I met the woman that I want to marry.

Every day that I am with her, it feels like I've won the lottery.

You may think that I'm your lucky charm, but Jessica is mine.

And you're standing in the way of the only luck that I have ever had.

I hate when people appeal to my better side.

Okay. How about this?

I will give you a divorce

on the condition that I get you for three days a year.

The Super Bowl, the Daytona 500 and my pap smear.

Okay, yeah. No. You've got yourself a deal.

Yes!

Can we see that last card so you can break my heart?

Sure. Um...

Robert.

You won!

Oh, my God!

I won! I won!

You would have won.

And I would have lost.

You really are my good-luck charm.

And I drank all your Scotch, and I need someone to drive me to Wendy's.

Okay, okay. Wait a minute.

Are you gonna let your hatred

stop you from possibly making a lot of money?

I do like money.

Screw it. I'll hear your pitch, then I'll say no.

That's the spirit!

Okay.

Basically...

you take a selfie without makeup.

A makeup artist will design the perfect look for you,

teach you how to do it virtually,

and send you the proper makeup from our original line.

Shit.

That's a great fucking idea. Goddamn it.

Are you screwing with me or...?

I wish.

I'll set up a meeting at Say Grace.

Great!

Wait. Why would you wanna meet there?

Because you're the CEO.

So actually...

Which is the best thing I can say about you.

And I love being the CEO.

But isn't this kind of a new thing?

Like a Brianna-and-Stewie thing?

Not interested in Brianna and Stewie.

But you just said this was a great idea.

It is a great idea with Say Grace.

And with your juice as CEO,

it gets fast-tracked

and becomes Say Grace's number-one priority.

- That's how you do business. - Okay.

Well, then, let's do some business

with Say Grace

because I'm the CEO.

Not ready to shake yet.

Got it.

You know, for what it's worth,

this is the longest relationship I've ever had.

Thanks again for understanding.

Consider it payback for all the luck you've given me.

Oh. And speaking of, here is your cut from that camel race the other day.

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't...

be so rude as to decline.

Thank you.

You should consider getting back to Vegas.

With luck like yours, you could double that money.

And with luck like mine, you're gonna ace your pap smear.

See you then.

Oh, my God.

I'm glad you agreed to come here, Grace.

You said we were going shoe shopping.

We will if you do good in there.

Oh...

So are you gonna tell Dr. Gelson about the night of your first panic attack?

Go back to your magazine.

I can multitask.

I just can't find the ice-cream cone.

It's near the popcorn.

Fine.

I'm not a multitasker.

I'm all ears.

It was my wedding day.

You know, having a panic attack on your wedding day

doesn't seem that unique of an occurrence.

Are there any other details that stand out to you?

Well, all I can really remember was having my first martini,

my brother walking me down the aisle,

and then my first episode.

What about your second episode?

Hold that thought. I just found the dinosaur.

Okay, proceed.

I once had to leave a Say Grace meeting because my chest was fluttering.

And I remember thinking it was strange

because what put me over the edge

was somebody humming "Chattanooga Choo Choo."

Aha, "Chattanooga Choo Choo,"

which we all know is about trading New York City for the boondocks.

You were worried your business would fold

and you'd be boarding the one-way train to Tennessee.

Why do you say you're good at this?

Because you're about to tell me about the third time you had a panic attack.

It was my 40th birthday party.

You know who died at 40?

Glenn Miller.

Also famous for his rendition of which song?

- "Chattanooga Choo Choo." - Yeah.

My dad loved Glenn Miller. Oh.

You know, it's funny. All these memories make me think of my dad.

How's that?

Well, my brother had to give me away at my wedding because my dad couldn't.

He died when I was 10.

I didn't know that.

And, uh, "Chattanooga Choo Choo,"

he sang it all the time.

Drove my mother crazy.

But how did your dad relate to your 40th birthday?

He died when he was 39.

Well, that's big.

But I have no idea how to connect your father with me.

I am one lousy therapist.

Maybe not. You know...

I was never a person who ever really felt safe.

In my whole life, there were only two people who made me feel... safe.

You and my dad.

And the idea of losing you the way I lost him is...

It's just unfathomable.

If I could, I wouldn't go anywhere without you.

You know that.

I do. I do.

Oh...

Okay.

Grace?

Actually, I think we're good.

Well, speak for yourself.

I've got a lot to process from today.

♪ I'm so low ♪

- ♪ I wonder if we'll make it ♪ - ♪ I wonder if we'll make it ♪

♪ So low ♪

- ♪ Man, it ain't no secret ♪ - ♪ Man, it ain't no secret ♪

♪ Passing time just passing the hat ♪

♪ Trying to keep Until it's time to get back ♪

♪ To the life that we once had ♪

- ♪ Take the good with the bad ♪ - ♪ So low ♪

- ♪ So low ♪ - ♪ Take the good with the bad ♪

♪ So low ♪

♪ So low ♪

♪ So low ♪

♪ So low ♪