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1
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,175
"So the very merry
canary found his feathers...
2
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,245
and was never cold again."
3
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,849
"Once upon a time..."
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:21,250
Uh, Richie, honey, we've
read this story 11 times tonight.
5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,586
Let's go for an even dozen.
6
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:27,825
No, it's bedtime. Now say
good night to Uncle Carl.
7
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,965
Good night, sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
8
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:35,858
Night-night, Uncle Carl.
Red five on the black six.
9
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:42,405
Red five on the black six.
10
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,749
Hi, big guy. What you doing?
11
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:01,393
Playing solitaire.
As in by myself, solo.
12
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,053
So long.
13
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,660
You're on your own.
You won't even notice me.
14
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,965
You can call me
the invisible man.
15
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:17,544
In fact, you can't call me
at all because I'm not here.
16
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:20,873
Ooh. Red 10 on the black jack.
17
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,051
I wish I had a blackjack.
18
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,180
Hey, how about an
action-packed game of Cribbage?
19
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,050
- I'll spot you 100 points.
- Nope.
20
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,054
- Canasta, Pinochle, Hearts.
- No, no, no.
21
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:34,058
- Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Go Fish?
- Go home.
22
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,632
Gin Rummy?
23
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,701
Okay, one hand.
24
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,703
But when I win, you go home.
25
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,364
Deal. Get it, deal?
26
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,798
Ooh.
27
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,849
Ooh.
28
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,828
Gin.
29
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:24,887
It was just a little
practical joke.
30
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,125
Well, it wasn't funny.
31
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,967
How would you like it if I put
Jheri Curl in your deodorant?
32
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,536
Well, look on the
bright side, Eddie.
33
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,701
Now you're odor-free and
your armpits have bounce.
34
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:42,380
Stay on your toes, Laura,
because I'm gunning for you.
35
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:45,519
I'm gonna buy some boots
so I can shake in them.
36
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:49,752
Ooh, Laura in boots. Oh.
37
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,893
He's all yours.
38
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,502
Well, he's all yours, Eddie.
39
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,267
Face it, you're stuck.
40
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:10,207
Educate me, Eddo. Why
can't I win Laura's heart?
41
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,303
She's just playing hard to get.
42
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,079
She's awfully good at it.
43
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,812
She makes it seem so real.
44
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,884
Steve. Ha-ha-ha.
45
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:28,720
Laura's my sister and I
only want what's best for her.
46
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,228
And I'm gonna do
everything in my power...
47
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:34,129
to get you two
crazy kids together.
48
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,294
- Picture this.
- I'm picturing.
49
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,462
- Night.
- Night.
50
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:43,204
- Laura.
- Laura.
51
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,344
- Asleep in bed.
- Ooh.
52
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:56,052
Laura's awakened by the sweet
sounds of an Urkel serenade.
53
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,051
Ooh, she'll be
putty in my hands.
54
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,195
She'll never forget it.
55
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,557
Edster, buddy, how
can I ever thank you?
56
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,096
Believe me, Steve.
57
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:10,129
The expression on Laura's
face is all the thanks I need.
58
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:04,848
Feelings Nothing
more than feelings
59
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:11,465
Trying to forget
my Feelings of love
60
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,125
Teardrops Steve.
61
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:17,703
Falling down on my face
62
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,066
Steve, get out of my tree.
63
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:22,300
Trying to forget my Shh, quiet.
64
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:26,105
Feelings of love
65
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:33,947
Feelings, whoa, feelings Whoa...
66
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,284
Oh, whoa. Aah. Aah!
67
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,461
Steve, are you okay?
68
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,692
Yeah, the Cooper's
Doberman broke my fall.
69
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,337
Ooh, back, Damien, back.
70
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:59,541
- Laura, what is going on in here?
- Ha-ha-ha.
71
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,310
Uh, I guess Steve was practicing
his accordion. He woke me up too.
72
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,281
That boy is Looney Tunes.
73
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:08,918
Well, if he does it again...
74
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,957
I'm gonna grab his
bellows and make a wish.
75
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:16,696
So, Laura, did you
enjoy your serenade?
76
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,663
- You set me up.
- Yeah.
77
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,134
Laura is the face Oh.
78
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,869
In the misty light
79
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:35,345
Footsteps that you
hear down the hall
80
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,377
The laugh that floats
81
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:44,119
Hey, guys, is it just me...
82
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:48,660
or does anybody else have this
indescribable feeling of happiness?
83
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,868
Indescribable feeling of happiness.
- Mm.
84
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,900
Could it be the
sheer euphoria...
85
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:57,526
of knowing that Steve Urkel
is hundreds of miles away?
86
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,215
Hundreds of miles away. - Mm.
87
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:03,802
Seven hundred eighty-three
point six miles, to be exact.
88
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,641
Well, where is he? He was
gonna take me on a slug hunt.
89
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,377
Oh. Tsk.
90
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,883
Oh, honey, see, ahem, Steve
played his accordion real late at night...
91
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:17,787
and, well, some of the neighbors got
cranky and threw bricks at his house.
92
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,960
So his parents decided that
maybe he should go away...
93
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,959
and visit his
relatives for a while.
94
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,325
They dumped him?
95
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:27,862
You got it.
96
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,031
But isn't it nice knowing
that for the next two weeks...
97
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:37,371
when that door opens, Steve
Urkel will not be on the other side?
98
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,706
Mm. CARL: Ha-ha-ha.
99
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,345
Hello, y'all.
100
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:56,486
I'm Steve's cousin,
Myrtle Urkel.
101
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:15,971
Cousin Steve told me all
about the wonderful Winslows.
102
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,345
How you've made this a
home away from home.
103
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:23,183
And now for little old me, coming
all the way from big old Biloxi...
104
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:27,452
this'll be my home away
from home away from home.
105
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,557
Cat got your tongues?
106
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,526
I know it's got mine.
107
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,465
Nice to meet you, Myrtle.
- Ahem.
108
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:45,936
There seems to be a slight family
resemblance between you and Steve.
109
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,310
Really? I never noticed.
110
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,712
You gonna finish that
pork chop, big fella?
111
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:58,922
So, Myrtle, how long
are you gonna be around?
112
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,826
Oh, just two weeks.
113
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:05,591
My parents would only take Steve if
Steve's parents promised to take me.
114
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,925
Sort of an Urkel
exchange program?
115
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,234
Exactly, honey.
116
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,768
Sorry I'm late.
117
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:21,005
Ooh, holy chitlins.
118
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,815
Uh...
119
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:38,362
Eddie, this is Steve
Urkel's cousin, Myrtle Urkel.
120
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,932
Myrtle, this is our son, Edward.
121
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,001
Well, hello there.
122
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:56,274
Ooh, Eddie. That name
rolls off my tongue like honey.
123
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,846
Huh?
124
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:08,127
Ooh, you are as articulate
as you are handsome.
125
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,262
I'm ever so pleased to meet you.
126
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:18,467
Ooh, sparks.
127
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:23,301
Why, my pulse is racing,
my heart is pounding...
128
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,876
and my lips are on fire.
129
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,070
Ooh, how do you
feel about me, sugar?
130
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,893
Oh, Rachel, that lipstick
is all wrong for you.
131
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,767
It's definitely a glamour don't.
132
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:55,072
Myrtle, I've been wearing
this shade for five years.
133
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:58,939
Five lonely years,
I would imagine.
134
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:08,652
Well, hello, ladies.
Ha, ha. Having fun?
135
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:10,619
We're happier than pigs in slop.
136
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:15,888
Please join us, Carl. Please.
137
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,587
Oh, no, no, no.
138
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:22,168
I, uh, wouldn't want to interrupt
all of this female bonding.
139
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,169
- That's okay.
- No.
140
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,276
I'm gonna take in a movie.
You two stay here with Myrtle.
141
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,106
Heh, heh. Have fun.
142
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,280
He is the most charming man.
143
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,247
Maybe you should take
him back to Biloxi with you.
144
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,816
Now don't you
be getting jealous.
145
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:51,956
There's only one Winslow
man that butters my biscuits.
146
00:13:56,369 --> 00:14:00,101
That divinely handsome Eddie.
147
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:07,413
Oh, when that boy sees my new hairdo,
why, he's just gonna fall at my feet.
148
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,077
And if that doesn't work...
149
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:13,117
I got a few more tricks
up my puffy sleeve.
150
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:18,620
Uh, Myrtle, you know,
you're a sweet girl...
151
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:22,592
but have you ever thought
that, well, maybe Eddie, uh...
152
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:25,164
Well, maybe you're
not Eddie's type?
153
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,066
Fiddle-dee-dee.
154
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:36,039
No boy can resist Myrtle
Urkel, the belle of Biloxi.
155
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:40,674
Why, I'm going to take that
boy like Grant took Richmond.
156
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,353
Oh, Edward
dumpling, I'm in curlers.
157
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,924
You should've knocked.
158
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,425
I live here.
159
00:14:56,028 --> 00:15:01,262
Harriette, I think Myrtle would
like to be alone with her dumpling.
160
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,494
- Yeah, come on.
- But, Mom, I have homework.
161
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,194
Oh, I'll do it for you.
162
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,106
Mm.
163
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,743
Ooh.
164
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,608
- Ooh, my, you look scrumptious.
- Mm-hm.
165
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,580
Ooh.
166
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:25,349
Why, you big strong...
handsome Yankee.
167
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:31,931
Why, I declare, just standing
next to you makes me feel faint.
168
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,337
Myrtle, are you okay?
169
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,377
I guess I'm just
too hot to handle.
170
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:59,256
Myrtle, can I give
you a little advice?
171
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:01,724
You know, belle to belle?
172
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,123
I'd be honored.
173
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,528
I really like you.
174
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:10,500
And I think that deep down,
Eddie really likes you too.
175
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:13,800
I knew it. I absolutely knew it.
176
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:17,175
But he's real shy. You
gotta be more aggressive.
177
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:19,644
But what more can I do?
178
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:24,079
I've absolutely emptied
my ammo clip of seduction.
179
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,649
Well, Eddie once told me
about this dream he had.
180
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,484
Ooh, spill it to me, sister.
181
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,920
An incredibly beautiful woman...
182
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:42,091
steals into his room in
the middle of the night...
183
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,533
and awakens him with a kiss.
184
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:46,966
I'll do it tonight.
185
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:50,701
I shall steal into
my beloved's room.
186
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:55,406
I can't wait to see the
expression on that boy's face.
187
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,006
Me neither.
188
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,701
Unh! Oh!
189
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,031
Myrtle. What are you doing?
190
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,337
I'm your dream come true.
191
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,811
Aah, you're a
nightmare. Now go home.
192
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,217
Has my Southern
sensuosity frightened you?
193
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,184
Stop that.
194
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:18,256
- Hey, hey, hey.
- What's going on in here?
195
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,928
Unfortunately, not much.
196
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,889
Keep her away
from me. She's crazy.
197
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,000
Crazy about you, you
big hunk of hominy.
198
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,065
But to continue
chasing after you...
199
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:35,299
would be humiliating
and unworthy of an Urkel.
200
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,812
I, sir, am a lady.
201
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,586
A grappling hook?
202
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,752
Oh, shoot, I broke a nail.
203
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:01,359
Did you enjoy your
kiss, dumpling?
204
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:03,435
You set me up.
205
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:06,697
Little old me? Why,
whatever do you mean?
206
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,298
Hold it, you two.
207
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:12,138
Laura, did you encourage
Myrtle to come up here?
208
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,444
Well, yes. But only to get even.
209
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,310
Eddie told Steve to serenade me.
210
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:21,079
I don't care what Edward did.
Your behavior is inexcusable.
211
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,812
Yeah.
212
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:26,220
- You started all of this?
- Yeah.
213
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,621
Now look, you two.
214
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,126
It's bad enough you're playing
mean tricks on each other.
215
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,322
Now you're bringing
Steve and Myrtle into this.
216
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:35,229
Right. You used them
and hurt their feelings.
217
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,302
Now tomorrow when
Steve gets back here...
218
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,530
I want you to apologize
to him and Myrtle.
219
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:40,729
Understood?
220
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,101
- Yes, Mom.
- Yes.
221
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,403
I'm ashamed of you two.
222
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,615
- That hurts.
- Yep.
223
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,617
But at least we're not grounded.
224
00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:58,623
By the way, you
two are grounded.
225
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,826
I'm really sorry, Myrtle. I never
meant to hurt your feelings.
226
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,230
I see.
227
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:13,804
Uh, and Steve, I'm sorry too.
228
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,441
Mm-hm.
229
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,941
So you think you
guys could forgive us?
230
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:22,810
Cousin Steve and I need to
chew on that one for a spell.
231
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:27,141
Chew away. We'll
be in the living room.
232
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,123
Well, what do you think?
233
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,089
Well, what do you think?
234
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:38,597
It's obvious that Eddie
and Laura used us.
235
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,326
And abused us.
236
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,666
You know what that
means, don't you?
237
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,499
I most certainly do.
238
00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,665
They love us.
239
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:54,946
Eddie, do you realize there
are two Urkels in the kitchen?
240
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:59,108
Yeah, but at least
mine's going home soon.
241
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:00,309
Thank you.
242
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,054
- Laura?
- Eddie?
243
00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:13,165
- We talked it over...
- And we decided that...
244
00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:15,362
We forgive you.
245
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,238
And there's more good
news. Tell them, Myrtle.
246
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:23,638
Well, I'm trying to talk Big
Daddy into selling Urkel Oaks...
247
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:26,608
so we can move up here.
248
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,508
Then we'll all be together.
249
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,742
Forever.
17284
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