Original subtitles

"So the very merry canary found his feathers...

and was never cold again."

"Once upon a time..."

Uh, Richie, honey, we've read this story 11 times tonight.

Let's go for an even dozen.

No, it's bedtime. Now say good night to Uncle Carl.

Good night, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Night-night, Uncle Carl. Red five on the black six.

Red five on the black six.

Hi, big guy. What you doing?

Playing solitaire. As in by myself, solo.

So long.

You're on your own. You won't even notice me.

You can call me the invisible man.

In fact, you can't call me at all because I'm not here.

Ooh. Red 10 on the black jack.

I wish I had a blackjack.

Hey, how about an action-packed game of Cribbage?

- I'll spot you 100 points. - Nope.

- Canasta, Pinochle, Hearts. - No, no, no.

- Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Go Fish? - Go home.

Gin Rummy?

Okay, one hand.

But when I win, you go home.

Deal. Get it, deal?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Gin.

It was just a little practical joke.

Well, it wasn't funny.

How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant?

Well, look on the bright side, Eddie.

Now you're odor-free and your armpits have bounce.

Stay on your toes, Laura, because I'm gunning for you.

I'm gonna buy some boots so I can shake in them.

Ooh, Laura in boots. Oh.

He's all yours.

Well, he's all yours, Eddie.

Face it, you're stuck.

Educate me, Eddo. Why can't I win Laura's heart?

She's just playing hard to get.

She's awfully good at it.

She makes it seem so real.

Steve. Ha-ha-ha.

Laura's my sister and I only want what's best for her.

And I'm gonna do everything in my power...

to get you two crazy kids together.

- Picture this. - I'm picturing.

- Night. - Night.

- Laura. - Laura.

- Asleep in bed. - Ooh.

Laura's awakened by the sweet sounds of an Urkel serenade.

Ooh, she'll be putty in my hands.

She'll never forget it.

Edster, buddy, how can I ever thank you?

Believe me, Steve.

The expression on Laura's face is all the thanks I need.

Feelings Nothing more than feelings

Trying to forget my Feelings of love

Teardrops Steve.

Falling down on my face

Steve, get out of my tree.

Trying to forget my Shh, quiet.

Feelings of love

Feelings, whoa, feelings Whoa...

Oh, whoa. Aah. Aah!

Steve, are you okay?

Yeah, the Cooper's Doberman broke my fall.

Ooh, back, Damien, back.

- Laura, what is going on in here? - Ha-ha-ha.

Uh, I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. He woke me up too.

That boy is Looney Tunes.

Well, if he does it again...

I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish.

So, Laura, did you enjoy your serenade?

- You set me up. - Yeah.

Laura is the face Oh.

In the misty light

Footsteps that you hear down the hall

The laugh that floats

Hey, guys, is it just me...

or does anybody else have this indescribable feeling of happiness?

Indescribable feeling of happiness. - Mm.

Could it be the sheer euphoria...

of knowing that Steve Urkel is hundreds of miles away?

Hundreds of miles away. - Mm.

Seven hundred eighty-three point six miles, to be exact.

Well, where is he? He was gonna take me on a slug hunt.

Oh. Tsk.

Oh, honey, see, ahem, Steve played his accordion real late at night...

and, well, some of the neighbors got cranky and threw bricks at his house.

So his parents decided that maybe he should go away...

and visit his relatives for a while.

They dumped him?

You got it.

But isn't it nice knowing that for the next two weeks...

when that door opens, Steve Urkel will not be on the other side?

Mm. CARL: Ha-ha-ha.

Hello, y'all.

I'm Steve's cousin, Myrtle Urkel.

Cousin Steve told me all about the wonderful Winslows.

How you've made this a home away from home.

And now for little old me, coming all the way from big old Biloxi...

this'll be my home away from home away from home.

Cat got your tongues?

I know it's got mine.

Nice to meet you, Myrtle. - Ahem.

There seems to be a slight family resemblance between you and Steve.

Really? I never noticed.

You gonna finish that pork chop, big fella?

So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around?

Oh, just two weeks.

My parents would only take Steve if Steve's parents promised to take me.

Sort of an Urkel exchange program?

Exactly, honey.

Sorry I'm late.

Ooh, holy chitlins.

Uh...

Eddie, this is Steve Urkel's cousin, Myrtle Urkel.

Myrtle, this is our son, Edward.

Well, hello there.

Ooh, Eddie. That name rolls off my tongue like honey.

Huh?

Ooh, you are as articulate as you are handsome.

I'm ever so pleased to meet you.

Ooh, sparks.

Why, my pulse is racing, my heart is pounding...

and my lips are on fire.

Ooh, how do you feel about me, sugar?

Oh, Rachel, that lipstick is all wrong for you.

It's definitely a glamour don't.

Myrtle, I've been wearing this shade for five years.

Five lonely years, I would imagine.

Well, hello, ladies. Ha, ha. Having fun?

We're happier than pigs in slop.

Please join us, Carl. Please.

Oh, no, no, no.

I, uh, wouldn't want to interrupt all of this female bonding.

- That's okay. - No.

I'm gonna take in a movie. You two stay here with Myrtle.

Heh, heh. Have fun.

He is the most charming man.

Maybe you should take him back to Biloxi with you.

Now don't you be getting jealous.

There's only one Winslow man that butters my biscuits.

That divinely handsome Eddie.

Oh, when that boy sees my new hairdo, why, he's just gonna fall at my feet.

And if that doesn't work...

I got a few more tricks up my puffy sleeve.

Uh, Myrtle, you know, you're a sweet girl...

but have you ever thought that, well, maybe Eddie, uh...

Well, maybe you're not Eddie's type?

Fiddle-dee-dee.

No boy can resist Myrtle Urkel, the belle of Biloxi.

Why, I'm going to take that boy like Grant took Richmond.

Oh, Edward dumpling, I'm in curlers.

You should've knocked.

I live here.

Harriette, I think Myrtle would like to be alone with her dumpling.

- Yeah, come on. - But, Mom, I have homework.

Oh, I'll do it for you.

Mm.

Ooh.

- Ooh, my, you look scrumptious. - Mm-hm.

Ooh.

Why, you big strong... handsome Yankee.

Why, I declare, just standing next to you makes me feel faint.

Myrtle, are you okay?

I guess I'm just too hot to handle.

Myrtle, can I give you a little advice?

You know, belle to belle?

I'd be honored.

I really like you.

And I think that deep down, Eddie really likes you too.

I knew it. I absolutely knew it.

But he's real shy. You gotta be more aggressive.

But what more can I do?

I've absolutely emptied my ammo clip of seduction.

Well, Eddie once told me about this dream he had.

Ooh, spill it to me, sister.

An incredibly beautiful woman...

steals into his room in the middle of the night...

and awakens him with a kiss.

I'll do it tonight.

I shall steal into my beloved's room.

I can't wait to see the expression on that boy's face.

Me neither.

Unh! Oh!

Myrtle. What are you doing?

I'm your dream come true.

Aah, you're a nightmare. Now go home.

Has my Southern sensuosity frightened you?

Stop that.

- Hey, hey, hey. - What's going on in here?

Unfortunately, not much.

Keep her away from me. She's crazy.

Crazy about you, you big hunk of hominy.

But to continue chasing after you...

would be humiliating and unworthy of an Urkel.

I, sir, am a lady.

A grappling hook?

Oh, shoot, I broke a nail.

Did you enjoy your kiss, dumpling?

You set me up.

Little old me? Why, whatever do you mean?

Hold it, you two.

Laura, did you encourage Myrtle to come up here?

Well, yes. But only to get even.

Eddie told Steve to serenade me.

I don't care what Edward did. Your behavior is inexcusable.

Yeah.

- You started all of this? - Yeah.

Now look, you two.

It's bad enough you're playing mean tricks on each other.

Now you're bringing Steve and Myrtle into this.

Right. You used them and hurt their feelings.

Now tomorrow when Steve gets back here...

I want you to apologize to him and Myrtle.

Understood?

- Yes, Mom. - Yes.

I'm ashamed of you two.

- That hurts. - Yep.

But at least we're not grounded.

By the way, you two are grounded.

I'm really sorry, Myrtle. I never meant to hurt your feelings.

I see.

Uh, and Steve, I'm sorry too.

Mm-hm.

So you think you guys could forgive us?

Cousin Steve and I need to chew on that one for a spell.

Chew away. We'll be in the living room.

Well, what do you think?

Well, what do you think?

It's obvious that Eddie and Laura used us.

And abused us.

You know what that means, don't you?

I most certainly do.

They love us.

Eddie, do you realize there are two Urkels in the kitchen?

Yeah, but at least mine's going home soon.

Thank you.

- Laura? - Eddie?

- We talked it over... - And we decided that...

We forgive you.

And there's more good news. Tell them, Myrtle.

Well, I'm trying to talk Big Daddy into selling Urkel Oaks...

so we can move up here.

Then we'll all be together.

Forever.