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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,001 --> 00:00:05,000 Til Death 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Sync:YTET-chiakid 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Season 1 Episode 14 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,360 I love faculty pasta. 5 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,400 I'm going back in. 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:13,300 Are you kidding? 7 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,390 You've had 9 plates of spaghetti. 8 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,000 How can you not be full? 9 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,760 Oh, I emptied her out 20 minutes ago. 10 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,100 Hello there. 11 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,600 Oh, hello,father woodcocK. 12 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,800 Are you here to bless the buffet? 13 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,500 It's called a mock turtleneck, eddie, 14 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,750 and they happen to be making a comeback. 15 00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:37,750 Maybe you should wait until they're all the way back. 16 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,150 Hey, hey. Have, uh, 17 00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:45,400 have you met lucy, the new history teacher? 18 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,860 You know, I heard she was on the squash team at penn. 19 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,600 I think I'm gonna try to get a game with her. 20 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,550 Right. Well, you know what? 21 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,550 You're not gonna want to do that. 22 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:52,450 Why not? 23 00:00:52,450 --> 00:00:54,350 Because you're married now, opie. 24 00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:55,270 And once you're married, 25 00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:56,900 the only female friends you can have 26 00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,900 are the ones that are grandfathered in, 27 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:01,150 and even they better be really, really ugly. 28 00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:05,150 Eddie, steph and i happen to trust each other. 29 00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,360 The last thing that would threaten either one of us-- 30 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,900 is steph talking to the quarterback? 31 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,500 Will you hold my plate? 32 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:15,900 Salad. 33 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,900 That's not gonna silence the rumors. 34 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,260 Hi, sweetie. 35 00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:24,800 Hey, mr. Woodcock. 36 00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,300 Oh, is steph your wife? 37 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:29,600 Yes, brian. 38 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,500 Mrs. Woodcock is my wife. 39 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,200 Just step off, hotshot. 40 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800 What was that about? 41 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:39,950 That kid is a nightmare, steph. 42 00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:43,100 The other day I told him he couldn't wear sunglasses in class, 43 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,320 he cut my phone line off 44 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,250 and glued my office door shut. 45 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:49,050 I was trapped in there for 5 periods. 46 00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:53,600 Again, I'm sorry I thought all your friends' e-mails were a gag. 47 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,250 Excuse me. 48 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,350 You're eddie, right? 49 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,600 I'm lucy. I just joined your department. 50 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,650 Oh. Hi. Welcome. Great. 51 00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,160 See you in the hallway. 52 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,050 I have heard so much about you. 53 00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:06,230 Everybody loves your class. 54 00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:09,300 Oh, and here's my wife right now. 55 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,900 Speak of the devil. 56 00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:12,150 -I'm joy. -Lucy. 57 00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,750 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 58 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,150 Anyway,I'm so new to all this, 59 00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:17,300 I'd love to get together 60 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:20,000 and just pick your brain about my syllabus. 61 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,500 Would it be ok if I gave you my number? 62 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:25,000 Did you hear about my wife? 63 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Yes. 64 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,500 -Hi. -Hi. Hi again. 65 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,100 You know,I don't have a pen. 66 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:30,850 Me neither. 67 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,800 I have one. 68 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,250 I can't believe you brought that spaghetti home. 69 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,000 Oh, come on. 70 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,700 There was plenty left over for the shelter. 71 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,100 All right, we gotta make some room in here. 72 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,530 Are you still keeping his low-fat yogurt dream alive? 73 00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:56,130 Yes, eddie, I am. 74 00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:57,600 Ok, well, something's gotta go. 75 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,370 Uh, uh, I'm looking at 20 pictures of paul newman here. 76 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:08,500 Why are you and i both so afraid to finish jelly? 77 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,400 What are you doing? 78 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,950 I'm throwing away lucy's number. 79 00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:14,450 Why? 80 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,350 Because I've been in this marriage long enough to know 81 00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:18,550 that me dating another woman while I'm still married to you 82 00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:20,900 is probably a bad idea. 83 00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:23,570 She is your colleague. 84 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:26,700 Yeah, a colleague with lady parts. 85 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,200 You think she's trying to date you? 86 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,160 Get over yourself. 87 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,310 She doesn't want you. 88 00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:32,350 And even if she did, 89 00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,300 you wouldn't do anything. 90 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,640 And even if you wanted to do something, 91 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,900 you wouldn't know what to do. 92 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,030 Trust me, I'd know what to do. 93 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:43,180 Do you even know 94 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:45,360 what's involved in having an affair? 95 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,300 Everything that you're against. 96 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,430 Floral delivery, 97 00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:49,800 candlelit restaurants, 98 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,600 rendezvous in seedy motels. 99 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,030 What are you gonna do,germ guy, 100 00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:55,150 bring your own bedspread? 101 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:55,900 Ok, so what are you saying, 102 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,300 it's ok to hang out with another woman? 103 00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,550 Yes. 104 00:03:59,550 --> 00:04:01,300 Oh--come on, are you kidding? 105 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,160 You would be so jealous. 106 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,300 Maybe you haven't noticed, but we-- 107 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,050 we don't feel jealousy anymore. 108 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,120 We're dead inside. 109 00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:11,200 What? 110 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,300 RelaX. In a good way. 111 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,150 We're finally in a place in our relationship 112 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:16,100 where we're totally secure 113 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,400 because we both understand the other one has no other options. 114 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:23,400 No, no, no, I think we still get jealous. 115 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,050 Oh, come on. 116 00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:25,800 I am the one who suggests we go to hooters 117 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,200 'cause I like the buffalo wings. 118 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,080 And I don't get mad 119 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,800 when you tip 40%. 120 00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,500 Well, I still get jealous. 121 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,200 Really? What did you say to our gardener 122 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,400 when you caught him peeking in the widow at me in the shower? 123 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:38,900 I said, 124 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:39,540 "while you're there, 125 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,800 you might want to prune the rhododendrons." 126 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:45,450 Oh, my god, 127 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,200 we are dead inside. 128 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,500 Give the lady a call. 129 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,650 You want me to call her. 130 00:04:50,650 --> 00:04:52,400 I do. 131 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,200 And this isn't gonna come back and bite me in the ass? 132 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,800 No, that part of our relationship is dead also. 133 00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:13,280 Hey. 134 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,250 Wayne, brian, sebastian. 135 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,800 Uh...hey, guys, you know, uh, 136 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,700 I, uh, love the smell of sweet cherry hickory as much as the next guy, 137 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,800 but you cannot smoke a pipe in high school. 138 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,560 The thing is, my grandfather was an indian chief. 139 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,350 My people have lost everything. 140 00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:32,400 You want to take this aw from me, too? 141 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:33,400 Look, guys, 142 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,700 I'm just trying to do my job here. 143 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:35,650 Please, can you give me a break? 144 00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:37,450 Hey. Put the pipe out. 145 00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:38,400 Ok. 146 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,160 Sorry, mr. WoodcocK. 147 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,100 Really? 148 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,200 -Well...thanks, guys. -No problem. 149 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,100 Hey, and by the way, 150 00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,040 how's mrs. Woodcock? 151 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,300 She's good. 152 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,800 Oh, no, she's better than good. 153 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,700 She's a hottie. 154 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,910 Nice job with that. 155 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:10,500 Eddie, your date's here! 156 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:16,800 Oh, look, you tucked in for her. 157 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,850 -Hi, lucy. -Hi. 158 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,550 -How are you? -Come on in. 159 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,450 Hello. Welcome. 160 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,000 Thank you so much for having me over. 161 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,600 Why don't you two go in there 162 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,900 and start your learning thing 163 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,700 and maybe I'll fix you a snack. 164 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:35,300 Ha ha ha. Fantastic. 165 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,650 Please, sit down. 166 00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:38,550 Thank you. 167 00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:40,150 Now, for american history, 168 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,400 I made a copy of my syllabus. 169 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:48,130 So all of january is musket month? 170 00:06:48,130 --> 00:06:50,600 That's correct. 171 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,400 I know I spent a lot of time on warfare, but... 172 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,010 peace is kind of boring, don't you think? 173 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,700 No. I-I-it's good. 174 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,260 I mean, the lessons of history 175 00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:03,200 are written by the wounded, not the dead, right? 176 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,200 Oh, my god, that's from marshall duffy's book, 177 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,900 a historical take on history. 178 00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:08,050 You know that book? 179 00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:09,500 What, are you kidding? 180 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:10,960 He is my favorite author. 181 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,100 I love him. 182 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,350 Me, too. You know, 183 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,700 so many people think his book is boring. 184 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,400 I think his writing is phenomenal. 185 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,430 Well, if you like his writing, 186 00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:22,050 tell me what you think of his handwriting 187 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,140 in this personal inscription 188 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:25,300 made out to me! 189 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,370 No way! 190 00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:29,200 "Keep making history." 191 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,000 Eddie, this is awesome. 192 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:32,950 Yeah. I kept the pen. 193 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,800 It's a bic. 194 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,050 I mean, you know, 195 00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:39,000 he's speaking at that bookstor by school on saturday. 196 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:39,700 Are you going? 197 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:40,460 Well, I better be. 198 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,290 I'm moderating the q and A. 199 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,800 My god, you-- you're my hero. 200 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,500 No, no, no. Duffy's the hero. 201 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,500 How about that chapter 202 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,360 he wrote on the teapot dome scandal? 203 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,000 I know. 204 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,100 He totally turns it on its head. 205 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,800 Yeah, finally somebody has warren G. Harding's back, right? 206 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:58,850 We were out of cookies, 207 00:07:58,850 --> 00:08:01,900 so i defrosted some guacamole. 208 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,900 You know, I'm just really glad 209 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,750 that someone is finally reminding us 210 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,000 that it's albert fall 211 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,200 who took that bribe. 212 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:07,750 Thank you. 213 00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:10,000 And that son of a bitch harry sinclair 214 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,000 and how he tampered with that jury. 215 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:12,800 I stuck my tongue in it. 216 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:13,740 I hope that's ok. 217 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,600 Oh, yeah... 218 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,500 that's sweet, honey. 219 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,550 This chapter on the, uh... 220 00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:20,360 oh, don't tell me. 221 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:20,900 Don't tell me. 222 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,400 The tennessee valley authority. 223 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,400 Oh, he nailed that. 224 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,800 Yes! Yes! 225 00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:33,400 Anybody need a cigarette? 226 00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:41,300 Honey, when you asked me out for lunch, 227 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,900 I kind of thought we were going someplace nice. 228 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,900 The cafeteria's not nice? 229 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,170 Excuse me. We just recarpeted this pole. 230 00:08:49,170 --> 00:08:49,750 Besides, you know, 231 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,000 you get a chance to see me do my thing, 232 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,000 meet some people. 233 00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:56,900 H-hey! Scott! Rahim, 234 00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,600 it's the wifeski. 235 00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:03,400 Not too shabby, huh? 236 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,160 Hey. You want to go sit by the window? 237 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,490 Hey, mr. Woodcock. 238 00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:10,400 Hey, let's sit next to brian. 239 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,700 Wait. Isn't he the guy who glued you into your office? 240 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:14,850 Yeah. Yeah. He's crazy. 241 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:16,900 He's awesome. 242 00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,000 Wh you watchin'? 243 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000 Dog show. 244 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,300 The terriers are up. 245 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,650 Little legs, big hearts. 246 00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:35,240 You know, our couch is an L. 247 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,300 You have a whole other wing over there. 248 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,000 I want to be close to you. 249 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,500 Ok. I believe I have a pit open. 250 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,400 If she's going to be running with that dog, 251 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,800 she might want to get a better bra. 252 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,800 Yeah. I bet those things weigh more than her beagle. 253 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,800 Hello. 254 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:03,900 Hi. 255 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,700 Yeah, he's here. Hold on. 256 00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:06,900 Lucy. 257 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:07,600 Oh, really? 258 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,250 She probably wants to know 259 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:10,250 when the book q and a starts tomorrow. 260 00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:11,600 Oh, she's--she's going to that? 261 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:12,350 Of course she is. 262 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,200 It's her favorite book. 263 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,900 Go for eddie. 264 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,700 Really? 265 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:20,250 Right now? 266 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,300 What right now? 267 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,250 -What channel? -What is it? 268 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,000 The history channel is re-enacting 269 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,450 the entire iran-contra scandal. 270 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:30,700 But the doberman's about to mount the chihuahua. 271 00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:33,000 Remind you of anything? 272 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:34,900 OK 273 00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:38,400 Oh, gosh, this is gonna be the 17 bt hours of television ever. 274 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,250 You don't mind, do you, honey? 275 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:43,800 No, no, you... enjoy. 276 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,100 Oh, who's that playing ronald reagan? 277 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:49,300 Oh, they got john larroquette. 278 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:59,050 that looks just like the oval office. 279 00:10:59,050 --> 00:10:59,900 No, no, never been, 280 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:04,000 but I've seen american president 9 times. 281 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,500 jellybeans on the desk. 282 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:09,100 Nice touch. 283 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,400 Put down your cosmo 284 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,100 and shave your legs. 285 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,000 We're going out. 286 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,400 Really? Where are we going? 287 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,650 Parking lot behind the water tower. 288 00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:19,360 What? 289 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,220 Yeah. I'm gonna need you to wear something special, too. Ooh. 290 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,900 This is nice. 291 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,500 I'm not wearing a camisole. 292 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,400 It's 10 degrees out. 293 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,750 All right, uh... 294 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:33,250 oh, how about this nice warm sweater 295 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,250 with some kitten tights, huh? 296 00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:36,500 Ok, brian's got a curfew. 297 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,900 Chop-chop, we gotta move. 298 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:38,600 Brian? 299 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,000 Jeff, this is insane. 300 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,750 We're not gonna go out with a bunch of high school kids. 301 00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,480 Why are you doing this? 302 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,500 Look, honey... 303 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,100 honey, look. 304 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:50,700 I know this may come as a shock to you, 305 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,500 but I was not that popular in high school. 306 00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,300 I mean, sure, everyone in the magic club loved me, 307 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,750 but...outside of that world 308 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:01,300 it was a very lonely place. 309 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,800 I don't know how the hell I landed you, but... 310 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,200 when I brought you in the other day, 311 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,000 it was like it gave me this street cred 312 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,300 that I've never had before, 313 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:12,500 and...I was able to become everything I never was in high school. 314 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,300 Honey, don't worry so much about being cool. 315 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,080 I've been with cool guys. 316 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,100 A lot of cool guys. 317 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,300 Like, 15 of them. 318 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,300 This one guy dave, 319 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,350 he was a navy S.E.A.L. 320 00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:26,000 You could drop him out of a helicopter 321 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,300 like, anywhere in the world 322 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,900 and he could survive. 323 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:33,600 He was really, really cool. 324 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,000 But I never loved any of them 325 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,300 the way I love a nice nerdy guy like you. 326 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,300 Really? 327 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:43,850 Yeah. Let's stay home and be all nerdy together. 328 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:47,000 You want to show me a magic trick? 329 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,700 Ok. 330 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:50,200 Don't move. 331 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,200 I gotta find my false thumb. 332 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,600 I'll be here. 333 00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:05,000 Good afternoon every-- 334 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,350 ok, that isn't gonna... 335 00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:09,500 that isn't-- that isn't necessary. 336 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,200 Um...I--I guess we'll go unplugged, 337 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,600 as the, uh, young people say. Uh... 338 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,300 today. 339 00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:19,550 Anyway, it is a, um, a great honor 340 00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:25,450 to introduce the author of one of the most influential books of our time, 341 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:29,500 the incomparable professor marshall duffy. 342 00:14:35,890 --> 00:14:37,900 It's great to be here. 343 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,150 Oh, yes, young lady? 344 00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:41,900 I had a question about your chapter on crops. 345 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:46,650 If indigo had been as stable a commodity as rice or cotton, 346 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:49,200 what effect would that have had on the formation 347 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,100 of the south carolina aristocracy? 348 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,480 Wow. This crowd is throwin' some heat. 349 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,660 That is a brilliant question. 350 00:14:57,660 --> 00:15:02,500 Well, I never really considered that hypothetical. 351 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,100 You just gave me the idea for my next book. 352 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,800 Next question. 353 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,550 Uh, young lady in the back. 354 00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:13,440 Joy? 355 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,230 Hi. Professor duffy, 356 00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:17,850 amazing book. 357 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,100 Read all of it. 358 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,400 Anyway... 359 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,050 on, uh, on page 1 of your book, 360 00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:27,400 you... you said that... 361 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,700 "american history is always evolving." 362 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:34,300 And then, um, quite a bit further... 363 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,860 on page 1... 364 00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:41,050 you said that the constitution is a constant. 365 00:15:41,050 --> 00:15:43,700 How do you reconcile those ideas? 366 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:48,900 Well...I think on page 2... 367 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,300 I explain that 368 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:59,200 that was the paradox of american history. 369 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:04,700 And then is spent the next 1,000 or so pages exploring it. 370 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:08,600 And explore it you did. 371 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:14,300 I for one want to thank you for taking me on that journey. 372 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,700 Oh, I--actually,I have a follow-up question. 373 00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:22,750 Uh, and this one is really, uh, more about your process. 374 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:29,250 do you--do you write at home, or, like, at starbucks? 375 00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,700 I'll take my answer sitting down. 376 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,340 The university is kind enough 377 00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:38,100 to lend me an office. 378 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:42,000 In a building that's named after me. 379 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:53,000 Ok, and we are back. 380 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,200 I think, uh, lucy has another question. 381 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:00,030 YeS. You claim that eurasia's latitudinal geography 382 00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:02,850 accounts for their greater population density. 383 00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:05,750 That's really more of a statement than a question. 384 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,500 My question is, 385 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:11,800 weren't cultural and social differences also a factor? 386 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,100 I--I was gonna ask that question. 387 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:18,700 I--I have it right here. Professor duffy, look. 388 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,280 Excellent question. 389 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,400 But I would contend 390 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,900 that social and cultural differences 391 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:30,500 are ultimately a product of... geography. 392 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,280 It's time to bring out the big guns. 393 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,700 Professor duffy... I have another question. 394 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:41,500 Oh, dear god. 395 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:46,550 I noticed that your book was copyrighted in 2002, 396 00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:50,050 2003, and 2005. 397 00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:53,200 What went wrong in '04? 398 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,700 Ok, I think that's enough of the questions. 399 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,300 Uh, this might be a great time-- 400 00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,100 who would like to hear 401 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:04,000 professor duffy read from the chapter on the homestead act? 402 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:05,700 Ok. 403 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:09,500 Excuse me, may I see you in music, art, and dance, please? 404 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:12,270 What? 405 00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:13,050 Are you out of your mind? 406 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,050 What are you doing? 407 00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,100 I came here to hear 408 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:19,850 marshall duffy speak about my new favorite book. 409 00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,000 Oh, really? 410 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,050 What's it called? 411 00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:27,350 Big boring book. 412 00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:28,150 And maybe you can tell me 413 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:32,200 why you're showing your melons like we're at a farmer's market. 414 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,100 Oh. So you noticed. 415 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,600 I'm surprised you could take your eyes off of your girlfriend. 416 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,150 What? 417 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,200 Oh, do you like that book? 418 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,500 I love that book. I love that book. 419 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,200 Oh, now, wait a minute. 420 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,950 You're mad at me? 421 00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,500 Yes, i'm mad at you. 422 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,540 About lucy? 423 00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:51,760 You're the one who made me call her. 424 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,100 You're the one who gave her the pen. 425 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,650 You're the one who said it wouldn't bite me in the ass, 426 00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:58,600 and now I'm missing a big old hairy chunk! 427 00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:01,300 I'm sorry. 428 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,400 I'm jealous, ok? 429 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,600 There, I said it. I'm jealous. 430 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,100 Wh--jealous of what? 431 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,900 Joy, we're not even doing anything here? 432 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:11,400 It's not about that stuff, eddie. 433 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,750 It's about the way that your eyes light up 434 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:16,500 when you talk about history with her. 435 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:21,200 We never connected over... intellectual stuff. 436 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,400 We mostly just bonded over these. 437 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,440 Well, what's wrong about bonding over those? 438 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,550 I love bonding over those. 439 00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:29,300 As a matter of fact, 440 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,470 when you were asleep last night, 441 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,900 I bonded over those. 442 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,220 But are these enough? 443 00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:36,700 I mean, what about these? 444 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,250 Well--look. 445 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:40,100 Joy, I love what's in your sweater, 446 00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,670 and I love what's up here. 447 00:19:41,670 --> 00:19:44,760 And I love when we do...this. 448 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,200 I didn't know you were interested. 449 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,400 You want to bond over the book, 450 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,200 we can bond over the book. 451 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,580 No, I don't want to bond over the book. 452 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:53,200 I hate the stupid book. 453 00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:58,500 Not your book. 454 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,000 Not--no, it's-- it's a-- 455 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000 this book right here. 456 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,700 Charles... charles dickens sucks. 457 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,150 Where does this leave us, huh? 458 00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,750 Well, I guess we're not dead inside. 459 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,050 Well, I guess we're not. 460 00:20:15,050 --> 00:20:17,050 That's a good thing, right? 461 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,950 Yeah, that's a good thing. 462 00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:21,270 So what do you want me to do? 463 00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:24,550 I say you toss that history hussy's phone number away, 464 00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:25,800 and let's go home 465 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,000 and bond over these while I'm still awake. 466 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,900 All right. 467 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,550 Hey, hey, hey, wait. 468 00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:38,050 Could we just wait until he's done with the homestead act chapter? 469 00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:41,500 This part kind of gets me a little fired up. 470 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,600 This is the part. 471 00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:48,250 W-wait, wait. 472 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,160 Hello. 473 00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,350 Ok. Honey, slow down. 474 00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:01,800 Just tell me what happened. 475 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,570 You're glued into your office again? 476 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:06,450 Oh, my god. 477 00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:09,150 Did you do magic for the guys? 478 00:21:09,150 --> 00:21:11,400 I begged you not to do that. 479 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,750 Tell me you didn't wear your cape. 480 00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:16,580 I'm sorry--cloak. 481 00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:19,070 You wore it to the cafeteria? 482 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,300 Ok. Babe, ok. 483 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,050 Don't freak out. 484 00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:21,800 If you freak out, 485 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,500 the rabbit will freak out. 486 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,300 I'll be right there. 31084

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