Original subtitles

♪ Ah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

[Mary Anne] I guess you could call me a hopeless romantic,

but I prefer hopeful romantic.

My dad and Sharon had just spent the weekend

at a bed-and-breakfast in the Berkshires, and I was hopeful,

no, certain that the question had been popped.

On the weekend before Valentine's Day!

[narrator squeals]

Is this too much?

Do you think they'll know we know they're engaged if I wear my wedding look?

- Oh no. It's very subtle. - Okay.

- Have you also considered wearing a veil? - Well, your shirt is a dead giveaway too.

We're all for marriage equality, but it's supposed to be a surprise.

If they wanted it to be a surprise,

they would've made dinner reservations anywhere but Salvatore's.

Is there a more obvious place for them to break the news?

[both giggle]

- Also this shirt's vintage. It's my dad's. - Did you hear what you just said?

Oh, right. Maybe best not to evoke my mom's failed marriage

on the night we celebrate her next chapter. Sweater?

This is happening. An autumn wedding.

Burgundy tablecloths.

Do you think Logan will be my date to the wedding by then?

Gosh, I really hope Logan will be my date to the wedding.

If you want Richard to drop dead on his wedding night, then sure.

No, but seriously, that would be amazing.

You two make such a cute couple. Is he going to be your Valentine?

I haven't even thought about it. Let's just focus on one romance at a time.

Come take a photo.

[Mary Anne] Dawn and I were dressed, subtly and ready.

But first, Dad had a 20-minute monologue prepared about...

The best croissant of my life.

That croissant was inspirational.

No, aspirational. I aspire to be more like that croissant.

Honey, you are. You're buttery and surprisingly expensive.

[giggles] That cabin was the height of luxury.

He decked it out with flowers and candles. Who does that?

A couple more things about the croissant.

- You think you know flaky... - Spit it out already!

I did not mean to speak those words out loud.

Well, since you seem to have an inkling, Mary Anne, I will indeed spit it out.

And we do have something important we'd like to share.

[Mary Anne] Okay. Look surprised, Mary Anne.

["Wedding March" plays]

I settled out of court. No one in Stamford Heights Apartments is going to be evicted.

Wait, what?

Oh.

You said they won't be evicted.

That's great, Dad.

Proud of you, Richard. Fighting the good fight.

Thank you. Now, quickly I'd like to take you through the entirety of the case.

[Mary Anne] Don't get me wrong. It's a basic human right to have housing.

But what was going on with my father?

Here was this incredible woman next to him. His perfect match.

Why couldn't he just hurry up and propose already?

I know I'm being controlling, but I just feel so stupid.

I almost wore a gown.

That sounds pretty lame. Uh, the proposal, I mean. Not the gown.

Maybe your dad wanted to ask, but got nervous.

Candy grams! Get candy grams delivered to your sweetheart's homeroom on Friday!

Five dollars!

Expensive for a box of stale hearts.

Maybe he didn't get nervous. Maybe Dawn and I got ahead of ourselves.

Who in their right mind would ask someone to marry them

five days before Valentine's Day? Right?

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

- It's... It's just... - Woo!

I was kind of gonna ask you to be my girlfriend today.

I got you this bracelet.

But it can wait till Friday. It can totally wait.

Uh, no! I mean, not no!

No, as in don't wait till Friday.

Yes, I'd love to be your girlfriend.

- [applauding] - [boy] Woo!

[Mary Anne chuckles]

Yeah.

- Good? - Yeah.

- School! Class. - [Logan] Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye! [giggles]

[squealing, giggling]

Stunning! You know what this means?

You're the first official member to have a boyfriend.

If you'd told me a year ago, I would've been shocked.

- Gee, thanks. - I'm happy for you.

- Why do I feel a "but" coming? - But...

- There we go. - Remember, you are number one, always.

And then we are number two. And then your dad's number three.

So I guess he's number four?

No, Sharon and Mimi, so that's four, five, six...

We get it, Kristy, but as the boy expert here,

I will be leading the official girlfriend task force.

That cannot become a thing.

Week one of the relationship is all about setting up ground rules.

It's vital you maintain the power of least interest.

- You can't let him know where he stands. - Stacey.

With all due respect,

I watched you pretend to twist your ankle in front of a guy

to impress him and then cry over his dirty whistle for a week.

I think I got this.

That was like a million years ago.

- Dirty whistle? - It was tragic. I'll tell you later.

So, if we could, uh, move the conversation

from boys to something a little more mature, like childcare,

that would be greatly appreciated because this is a club meeting.

[Mallory] Oh my God!

I just realized you landed a boyfriend just days before Valentine's Day.

Iconic! I mean, is Valentine's Day gonna be your first date?

I actually haven't even thought about Valentine's Day or our first date.

To be honest, I'm kind of freaking out.

We've never really hung out before one-on-one. What if it's awkward?

I've had to sit through hours of you two discussing which actresses you'd cast

in the movie version of Wicked.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

[phone ringing]

Hello, Baby-Sitters Club. This is Kristy Thomas speaking.

Oh, hey, Mom.

Weren't your parents going to announce their engagement yesterday?

Did that happen too?

We thought so, but I guess it just isn't their time.

I also guess it's not our time to become stepsisters.

But you're already like a sister to me.

We don't need some piece of paper to make it official. Right?

My mom needs a sitter for Karen and Andrew tomorrow after school.

Uh, Claudia's free.

Good luck, Claud.

My mom has a doctor's appointment for the hypothetical B-A-B-Y.

I don't know what they're doing to her over there, because at my place,

it has been Hurricane Liz recently.

Claudia will be your sitter.

Yes, Mom. I will bring you home some chocolate.

I got you.

[Mary Anne] I'd always thought life with a boyfriend

would basically be the same as life without one.

But apparently, much like a pre-Megxit Meghan Markle,

I now had duties and responsibilities in my new role,

starting with lunch at...

The Couples' Lounge. Welcome.

Isn't it nice to get away from the noise and chaos of the singles?

Yeah, for sure.

Well, Valentine's Day is upon us.

Finally! A day for us couples. What do you boys have planned?

Last week was our five-week anniversary, so of course we did this big thing,

so I think we're just gonna lay low. You guys?

[both] We made reservations at Salvatore's.

Oh my God, jinx!

[both] They always do that.

- Oh my God, so do we! - What's your plans?

Um...

I... also made a reservation at Salvatore's.

You did?

[girl] Their prix fixe menu looks divine.

Honestly, my heart goes out to anyone who has to spend Friday alone.

I just cannot imagine.

[Mary Anne] At least I knew my first date was gonna be on Valentine's Day.

Iconic, as Mallory would say, but also a little scary.

And speaking of scary...

Do you know how your great-great-great-grandmother died?

Not off the top of my head.

Mine was struck by lightning.

But it was the dysentery that got her.

She's working on her family tree for school.

Her mom's side took five minutes,

but as you can imagine, the Brewers have a very long and well-recorded history.

I've got it covered. Love a project.

Oh, uh, Liz, did you, uh, want some chocolate?

- What? - I just had a bar of it, randomly.

No, I'm fine, thanks.

Andrew is watching Wall-E for the 900th time.

He says he enjoys the silence of it.

Anyway, if you can bring him a snack in a little bit, that'd be great.

And there's a bunch of old photo albums in the attic

if you want to use them for visuals for her tree.

That's it. I'll be home at 6:00. Okay? Have fun.

Claudia, I will take that. Thank you.

Have fun, you guys. Bye!

There might be a new baby here soon.

If all goes well.

Here's Grandpa Ben Brewer.

You can glue him next to Cordelia Brewer.

Although, the two of them didn't really get along.

There was a large dispute over renovations to their summer cottage on the Cape.

- How do you know about all this stuff? - My dad.

Also, I can hear them talking.

[spooky wind rushing]

Sorry. This weird man was making the Crying Lady upset.

The Crying Lady?

[spooky music playing]

She lives here in what used to be the servants' quarters.

She died from a broken heart

after her husband perished in a whaling accident.

I often hear her weeping.

If you're quiet, you might hear her too.

[Andrew] Claudia! Can I have a snack?

Yup! Coming right up, Andrew.

[spooky music playing]

[Mary Anne] After another endlessly awkward lunch with the Couples-Only Club,

I was ready, no, desperate for some alone time with my friends.

We always walk to our club meetings together on Wednesdays, but...

where were they?

The Crying Lady?

Yes, the Crying Lady, which gave me nightmares last night.

Oh. That's a new one.

I'll talk to Karen about it. Anyone else have anything to report?

- You're late. - Yeah, 'cause you all ghosted me.

Oh my God. Wait, are you psychic?

- We were just talking about ghosts. - What do you mean ghosted you?

I was waiting for you guys to walk over here with me, like always.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I assumed you'd want some alone time with Logan and he'd walk you over.

What? No! God. That's so old-timey and creepy.

Because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't wanna walk to meetings with you.

Hate to say I told you so.

Yes, Logan is my boyfriend now,

but that doesn't mean anything else needs to be different.

Well, except for lunch.

Okay, trust me. The Couples' Lounge is not all it's cracked up to be.

And you guys told me I had to sit there.

Um, yeah, because we want the tea.

Are Hailee and Oliver really the perfect couple,

or do we think there's a few cracks in that foundation?

I'm sorry to report that they are perfect.

Horribly, annoyingly perfect.

They finish each other sentences

and they celebrate anniversaries on a bi-weekly basis.

- Oh! - That's adorable!

Ugh.

Oh my God, my mom said yes.

Friday is a go, and she wants to set up mani-pedi stations for us!

[squealing]

- Friday? - Galentine's Day!

We're going to watch and make fun of old rom-com movies.

- Any excuse to eat way too much pizza. - Wait, that's so much fun. What time?

Um...

- Oh, right. Friday. - Have you and Logan already made plans?

Yeah, he made dinner reservations at Salvatore's.

Oh, that's so romantic!

And pricey.

People get engaged there.

I'm so jealous. You're gonna have the best night ever.

Are you looking forward to it?

[Mary Anne] It's not that I wasn't excited about spending time with Logan.

It just didn't seem as appealing

as watching rom-coms in sweatpants with my best friends.

Mary Anne, have you told your dad about all this?

[Mary Anne] That's it! I didn't have to choose between Logan and my friends.

Not when I could simply have my dad make that decision for me.

And of course, he'd say...

Sounds good. Be home by 9:00.

Wait, I don't think you heard me correctly. I said I'm going on a date.

On Valentine's Day with my new boyfriend.

One moment, please.

"I had a feeling that maybe you and Logan were starting to become

more than friends after camp,

and I am happy for you, sweetheart."

"He seems

like a very nice kid."

Dad, are those... notes?

No.

Yes.

I've been preparing for this moment your entire life. I...

I was scared to death of messing it up.

I may or may not have asked my therapist to help me strategize...

You know, I don't have to tell you the whole thing.

And I don't need note cards to know that

I trust you.

[Mary Anne] I know what you're thinking. "How sweet."

And you're totally right. It was.

But this also meant I now had to go have a panic attack.

Did anyone send you a carnation today, Kristy?

No, thank God.

Don't you think it's weird that we celebrate Valentine's Day

with chocolates and flowers

when it marks the day that Saint Valentine was martyred by Claudius the Cruel?

Sure.

I also think it's a corporate holiday

designed to make women feel badly about themselves.

But at least Mom's getting a home-cooked meal from Watson out of it.

[gasps]

Did you hear that? It's...

The Crying Lady?

Karen, I'm not falling for it.

You're giving your babysitters nightmares.

Stop messing with people.

You know ghosts aren't real.

[distant whimpering]

[spooky bells chime]

[Charlie] Kristy! If you want a ride to the girl thing, I'm leaving now.

Coming, Charlie.

[whispering] It's okay.

[Mary Anne] Because my dad and Sharon were going on a date,

Logan's Mom picked me up,

and if the car ride over was any indication of how the date would go,

we were in for a long, awkward night of deadly pauses,

and little to no eye contact.

Reservation?

Yeah, my name is Logan.

- Last name. - Sorry, Bruno.

- B-R-U... - I know how to spell Bruno.

And a rose for the girl.

- Thanks. - [woman] Wait here.

[Mary Anne] What happened to me and Logan's easy banter?

We used to always know what to talk about. Now, it was like we're complete strangers.

Mary Anne?

Dad?

Oh no. How did this happen?

- Are you spying on me? - What? No.

Wait, this is where your date is?

When you said date, I thought you meant pizza or at the arcade.

I mean, what are the chances? We do come here a lot.

Logan, you remember my dad from Parents' Weekend at summer camp.

- Yeah. - Dad, Logan. Logan, Dad.

And this is my...

Sharon.

Logan! Oh!

- [Logan] Hi there. - [Sharon] I've heard so much about you.

[woman] Bruno, party of two. Your table's ready.

Oh, um, could we actually make it a party of four?

Really? You'd... You would want that?

[Mary Anne] The truth was I'd do anything to save myself

from having to carry the conversation with Logan,

even if that meant going on a double date with Sharon and my dad.

[Sharon] Let's go around and say our love languages. I'll go first.

Mine is words of affirmation.

Logan.

Oh. Um...

I guess mine's English?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm only 13.

I'll take it.

Did Mary Anne tell you the big news?

- Richard settled a big case out of court. - I love it when that happens.

- [Oliver] I can't do this! - [Mary Anne] It's Hailee and Oliver.

I feel invisible in this relationship. You just don't care about my needs!

Oliver!

Don't do this!

[Mary Anne] Stars, they're just like us.

But if the poster couple of Stoneybrook Middle School

couldn't make it to the first course, how could Logan and I stand a chance?

- Thank you. - Thanks, Mr. Spier.

Sorry you had to cover me. I thought 20 would be enough.

Please, call me Richard. And you can pick up the tab next time.

I'm starting to realize I don't know what a prix fixe meal is.

- Thought it was a kind of food. - Totally get it.

I thought elbow grease was a kind of cleaning product.

[cell phone chimes]

Oh, my mom is here to pick me up.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mary Anne.

Bye.

Bye, Logan.

[melancholy music plays]

[Mary Anne] When Kristy got home from Galentine's

with her first-and-last-ever manicure,

she was pretty done with all things in the romance genre.

- But she hadn't expected to walk into... - [sobbing]

...a horror movie?

[sobbing continues]

[Mary Anne] The Crying Lady.

Was Karen right? Was the house really haunted?

[sobbing]

- Mom? - Oh, Kristy!

I thought you were a ghost. I mean Karen thought you were a ghost.

Acoustics in this weird house. [sniffles]

[Liz sighs]

Are you okay?

[sighs] I'm just

overwhelmed and hormonal.

I understand.

I mean, I don't, but...

[Liz gulps]

I'd listen, if you wanted to talk.

I know you would, sweetie.

But this isn't something that I need to put on you.

These are feelings that I actually should talk to my husband about,

instead of acting like nothing's wrong

so that he doesn't feel bad

until I get so stressed and so resentful that I explode.

Well, that sounds romantic.

Yeah. [chuckles]

What about Karen?

You want me to tell her it was just you crying in the bathroom

and not a ghost?

Mm, nah. Why disappoint her like that?

[both laugh]

[Mary Anne] Liz wasn't a hurricane.

More like she was stuck on a roller coaster.

But the thing about roller coasters is, no matter how exciting they are at first,

eventually you just want to get off.

That was fun. He's a very nice boy.

He is.

And that's the problem.

He's a very nice boy and I really like him,

but now that we made things official,

I feel like we can't be ourselves around each other anymore.

And my friends are treating me differently,

and he doesn't even feel like my friend anymore.

So, basically, I'm just this friendless mess of a person

who doesn't even know what to say.

I never thought being in a relationship meant feeling this lonely.

You are not a friendless mess.

You might be the least friendless person in the history of the world.

Your friends love you

in an almost concerningly aggressive fashion.

It's okay if you want to go back to being just friends with Logan.

Or friends who like each other.

Is that what you and Sharon are?

Friends who like each other?

Because if so, I can learn to get used to that, but

I just thought you would've proposed to her by now.

I understand.

I can tell you with confidence that Sharon and I are

more than friends who like each other.

But we're also adults

with history and our own families.

I'm not sure what to call it.

We're just

us.

But what I can tell you is that I'm happy

and that Sharon isn't going anywhere.

And I know that because she and I have actually talked about it.

[Mary Anne] Oh no. Does that mean I was gonna have to talk to my Valentine?

Wait. So you're not mad?

Or sad?

[Logan] Are you kidding? Mary Anne, you read my mind.

I've been so stressed lately.

- If I had to spend one more lunch... - At the Couples' Table!

Not that that's gonna survive after tonight.

"I feel so invisible in this relationship!"

"You don't care about my needs!"

[laughing]

[sighs] So we're friends?

Yeah.

- Yeah, we're just... - [both] Us.

- [both] Oh my God. - We did the thing!

We did not do the thing.

[sighs] Oh, should I give you your bracelet back?

No way. I mean, unless you want to give it back, because...

Logan, don't make it weird.

[chuckles] Sorry.

[Mary Anne] So, there you have it.

The difference between being a hopeless romantic and a hopeful romantic.

Saying how you really feel to the people you love, or...

Whoa, the people you like. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

So you broke up?

We decided to go with no labels.

I love that.

Live in the in-between. I guess I'm like that.

I hate labels.

For all I know, the person I end up with could be anywhere on the gender spectrum.

As long as they care about the environment and have good oral hygiene,

pretty much wide open.

- That's really cool, Dawn. - Oh, I know. I'm very cool.

- [laughing] - [Sharon] Hope you're hungry!

- Special delivery. - [Sharon giggles]

All right, all right.

Dinner is served.

- Bon appétit. - [Sharon] Oh, sweetie.

Let's tell them before we eat.

Tell us what?

Well, um... [clears throat] I have an announcement to make.

- [Sharon] We. - Sorry, we have an announcement to make.

[Mary Anne] Oh my God. Was this happening?

Were Dawn and I about to become stepsisters after all?

[cutlery clinking on glasses]

- That's meant to gather your attention. - [clinking]

[Richard] Now, we know this is a big step,

and something that you two have wanted to make happen for a while,

and we weren't sure that we were ready.

But after talking it over, it just makes sense now.

[fanfare playing]

[Mary Anne] It was happening! An autumn wedding.

Burgundy tablecloths,

a surprise rom-com ending, like a Drew Barrymore movie.

- This house is crawling with termites. - Wait, what?

We have to fumigate.

And?

And Mary Anne and Richard

are gonna stay with us for a week instead of renting an Airbnb.

A... a week? You thought a week warranted the clinking of a glass?

- Well, I mean... - [Dawn] I love you two.

But we have all got to get on the same page

about what constitutes a big announcement around here.

I second that.

Is it that I clanked too many times?

- I may have made too big a deal... - [Sharon] We.

We may have. Consider this bell un-rung.

[Mary Anne] Valentine's Day, like labels, isn't for everyone,

and not just because it's corporate or because it's celebrating the day

a saint died with chocolates or whatever, but because really it's just another day.

And I don't need $3.00 carnations

or prix fixe meals to be reminded of who I love or who loves me.

I love this family.

How it is, as it is, call it whatever you want.

♪ But if you give a little, get a little ♪

♪ Maybe we could get to know each other ♪

♪ Give a little Get a little, give a little ♪

♪ And if you give a little Get a little, give a little ♪

♪ Give a little Get a little, give a little ♪

♪ If only we could find a way To leave all of our darker days ♪

♪ Soak in all the sweetness on our skin ♪

♪ Oh, and if you're waiting in the sun ♪

♪ Then carry me on wings of love To that brighter day where all begins ♪

♪ And if you give a little, get a little ♪

♪ Maybe we could get to know each other ♪

♪ Give a little Get a little, give a little ♪

♪ It's coming through ♪

♪ There's a whole new world Just waiting, baby ♪

♪ So much waiting just for me and you ♪