Original subtitles

Nice here, right? This is where you want to spent your holidays, right?

Please, go ahead! I ,however,am done with Campobello.

I want to go home. Right away.

The shit is over my head right now.

Even though this is the best day of my life

In two minutes I should on be an Italian wedding.

As the groom

Sara, now calm down. I'm sure... Toni just do something.

You racist, envious, old cow!

This is Sara. My girlfriend, Fiancée, well more ex-fiancée

or almost ex-wife. Anyway, she is half-Italian.

For their Italian relatives she is half German.

And this is her father. Antonio.

Before he came into my life, the world was still in order.

The first time I saw Antonio in Krefeld at the nether-rhine

Sara never introduced me to her parents Always there was an excuse.

No, my dad is so sweet. Just a bit special. Well, sometimes.

And where is the problem?

If he feels well he is talking without and end. That's mostly the case

Acutally I planed to introduce you to him after the wedding

Well then we would have to hurry because we have 30 minutes left

He would be grumpy because you didn't ask for my hand in marriage. He is old-fashioned

Then I would have to ask you - Wait? You would marry me?

Oh, was that a request now?

(Sara) from whom?

(Sara) Would you marry me? (Jan) Yes, I also would marry you.

And if he would cut my little finger of like it's old italian tradition?

And then send it to my Parents in a letter forcing them to give him money?

Everything will be fine. Come!

Mama! -Hello. Here we are.

Is that him? - Yes, thats's him.

Well, then come in. - Okay.

Yes, just go through!

Ah, hello.

We are here.

You must be Sara's father.

I already have heard a lot about you. - So, you have. What did you hear?

Well, that you are nice

No, I'm actually very nice. - Okay.

Very nice.

Where have you been, you little rogue? -Well, much traffic on the highway.

But we did it in 5 hours. That's good for a friday

And this is your boyfriend? -Yes, that's him.

Marcipane, Antonio.

Jan

Yes, they are a little bit

Oh, no. But I have flowers. -For me?

For both of you, so to speak. For getting to know. Get-to-know-flowers

That's very nice. They are quite warm.

Yes, sit down. Just do. My parents are not so conventional.

I've noticed that.

We want to tell you something.

Yes. Yes, we... we wanted to ask, whether it's what you might,

that I your daughter. So, Sara.

We want to, I want to marry her.

If that is possible?

You want to marry? -Yes, Babbo.

This one? -Yes, him. And no one else.

Ursula, he wants to take my Schnucke! -If the two want. He is nice.

Why do you want to have her?

I thought before I get no one then...

You are funny, hm?

So? How do you like them? - Well, your father hates me.

Rubbish! You can sleep here. No Body was ever allowed to do that

Is the heating on? - Babbo!

The combination of heating an fresh air is the best for a good sleep!

Buonanotte, Babbo! - Buonanotte, Schnucke.

Are you talking about me?

He wants to meet your parents - That's not a problem.

You will like them, Babbo.

Yes, he have been there some times. - So often?

In contrast to Antonio my parents where thrilled by our weddingplans.

The live in Düsseldorf. Kilometerwise that's not far from the Marcipanes

but seen from mentality it's lightyears away.

How do I look? Do I look good?

Buongiorno! - Hello.

My name is Marcipane, my lady. - Pleasant. Armbruster.

Happy to know you. Pleasant. - My daughter, Sara.

We know her. - Ah.

Your son, Jan. Your mother, your father.

Venire. Grazie. Venire. - Come in!

Nice that we are all gathered here. You think it's nice? Why?

You can finally get to meet eachother - Why? I already know you.

You are a real philosoph. - Yes.

I feel something inside me like a philosophic impuls.

Do you know Machiavelli? - Of course.

Did you know that Machiavelli and Freud were best friends?

With Freud? - Yes, they shared everything.

The appartment, the friends, food and also the women.

I don't want to sound extra smart or start a fight

but Machiavelli lived in 16th and Freud in the 19th Century. - Eberhard, please.

My husband is psychology professor. He lives in his own century.

Please have a seat! My Gnocci will get cold.

They couldn't have know eachother

Buon appetito!

Could be. But Freud copied everything from Machiavelli.

I think we can leave it like this.

Your logic seems a little italian to me lately.

Yes, your son has quite some taste for Italians at the moment.

He even wants to marry one.

In Campobello.

What, Campobello? - It's the most beautiful city in Italy

Oh, I will invite you all to the wedding, with professore!

In Campobello the people are nice and the sun is shining.

I did some phone calls. My mother speaks with Don Alfredo.

Who is Don Alfredo? - The priest. He even speaks german!

I thought we would rather do a civil wedding

Impossibile in Campobello! That is a question of respect, of tradition.

I will bring all Italians to the church. - I am not an Italian!

Oh, capito. Do it without me. I don't care at all.

Wait a second. That would actually be quite a nice idea,

all festive in the church. You in a tuxedo, me in a white dress,

we dance Pizzica, and my grand parents would be there

I think a wedding is something private, something between you and me.

Jan, when you marry it's no private thing anymore. I will be your father then.

An Itallian summerwedding sounds wonderful. I love Italy.

Gee, it's so nice we can decide that on our own.

Our first wedding crisis, before the wedding. It was obvious to me:

There was no way out. My publishing house gave me 3 weeks of holidays

14 days of preparation at Saras family, one week of honeymoon on Capri.

The "monster" on the roof was a small souvenir for Antonios nephew Marco.

Sara said it would elevate the friendship

of my future father-in-law, if I would sit in the car with him.

There are just two things that she has no idea about:

Driving the car and Male-friendships.

German drivers have a bad charackter. Always racing, zack, zack!

Italians drive more concentrated, looking right, looking left

Hey, are you happy that you marry in Bella Italia?

The Country of big culture and very fine food?

Yes

If you drive now he will sleep until we arrive. Then you have your peace.

I drive. Then you can rest. - No, no, you can not drive.

The steering is set to me.

The steering was set to you? - Si, si. Motor, wheels and the seats.

Ciao. We are on the way already. - Ciao.

Get out! - Get in. Let's overtake the women!

Don't change the instruments!

Will you close the door?

Slowly! This is not a Ferrari! - Okay.

Why didn't you wake me up? I think we make a driver change?

It's only three kilometers left. - Davero?

Make a bella figura for me.

Campobello is 450 km southeast of Rome.

A small village that slumbers on a mountain and is heavily bored by itself.

That's Egidio, the husband of my aunt Maria. This is her son Marco.

That's my most beloved cousin. And that is my uncle Raffaele.

So he's the brother of my father. And this is Nunzio and his wife Anna.

Did you just say that I'm not normal?

Do I have to show them my teeth or can we shorten this somehow?

Say you are hungry. "Ho fame." - Ho fame.

If, as a german, you dislike something in foreign countrys.

maybe because you have a scorpion or a latino with a gun in your room

or an allergy against seafood

Then this sort of critisism is nothing less then one: typical german.

Nothing destroys a german so much as the accusation of beeing typicaly german.

What's the word for "not hungry"? - Doesn't exist in Italian.

What did she say?

She said: Maria, he doesn't like it.

And why is he crying?

He doesn't like milk, but his mother forced him to drink some.

The photocamera.

What do you have there? - Nothing.

What are you doing there? - Nothing.

Miezecazzo.

You think you can make it here, Gianni? - As far as nobody feeds me in the night

No, I mean the two weeks prior to the wedding? All alone in bed.

Ah, here. He too, with niente milk, latte...

No, he's crying because he can not hang in the kitchen.

In the morning we went to the commune to immediatly prepare the wedding.

Almost immediatly

Antonio! I can't hold it! Antonio!

Are you OK? - Yes, yes, wonderful as you can see

What are they talking about?

What?

It's almost twelve. We wanted to go to the commune to prepare the wedding.

What do you mean, domani? - tomorrow, hm?

Why that?

Jan, the deadline is due until tomorrow. - And if there are complications?

Gianni, you know the difference between Germans and Italians?

Germans always look for problems. Italians already have problems.

They don't need to search anymore and can go to the beach.

For going to the beach 8 1/2 Italians need

Sara only counts half, 18 towels, 9 air matrasses in animal shape,

9 pairs of flippers, swim-glasses and harpoons, 2 baithing pants and bikinis

parts for the aunt. Shovel and bucket, also for the grownups

Beach-tents, Telefonini, water, not carbonated, chairs, a volleyballnet and caps

With that Sunprotection oil without UV-Protection for everyone.

Ah, domani. - Come on, don't be a spoiler.

Are you sick? - I can't swim.

When I was a child I failed swimming course and other children can be realy bad.

Then I decided to never go back in the water for my entire life.

Stupid salad! What do you mean, salad?

The whole family thinks you're nice. But you always make evil eyes!

You know, I understand you very well.

I tell you a little story. You know what was the first word

that I have heard when I first came to Germany?

Attention! Out of the way!

Attention! Out of the way!

If you wanted to work in Germany, it wasn't that easy.

The Germans picked the Italians very carefuly.

Never saw a shovel before?

Signore, I have a diploma. I'm a turner and locksmith.

You can put this wherever you like. Either you take the shovel or you go!

My dream was big, but my pride was bigger.

I left the factory and worked as a waiter in a bar.

Attention! Out of the way!

Now imagine: you come to Campobello as a stranger and no one asks:

How are you, let's drink a coffee, let's go to the beach?

Well you can't generalize that. The germans...

No, no, they are not all like this.

Just you. - Me?

No Jokes! You are a serious charakter!

Hey, play with us! Come! - Okay.

Ah! It's cold! - Oh God. What happened?

It's okay.

I want to go to the commune immediately

Come on! We are already late!

Bella Italia. - Don't play the German now!

So, then we will marry in Germany!

It's much better at Don Alfredo! - Oh no!

Come on please!

You can't talk with a Carducci and you can not look them in the eye.

Do they have a tropical disease or what?

Do you know the Fiat Cinquecento?

What?

When I was a young boy my father bought his first car.

He went to the city with me and showed me the new Cinquecento.

Everybody had great respect, only one didn't know whos car it was:

Benito Carducci, the son of Mario Carducci.

Benito was stupid because he once dropped from a wall.

Benito tought the Fiat is very nice

and so he wanted it too.

But if you steal something in Campobello be assured it belongs to a relative.

And Marcipane and Carducci and very much related.

My father and me went to Benitos father. There I gave my testimony.

The problem was: He already sold the car, to Carlo Carducci.

So: Big confusion

Since this day the Carduccis and Marcipanes don't talk to eachother.

Until today it's a complicated situation in this small village.

This is why you have to go to Don Alfredo to the curch, Understood? - Yes.

In Italy the priest is allowed to be the registrar.

With papers, stamps and everything that comes with it.

Marriage is a holly sacrament.

What god has united the human shall not divide.

What if god doesn't exist? I'm a little upset that someone

whom I have never met has the last word about our private life.

Private life? Have you ever seen private life here?

Your father is Antonio Marcipane? - Yes, I'm the father!

No. I am German. - On Italian territory,

with an Italian father, you are Italian automatically.

For marrying in Italy you need an Italian passport.

The German authorities told us that if two Germans want to marry abroad...

Go to the commune and make an Italian passport.

Three Domanis Later we were told that Sara, in contrast to god, doesn't exist.

You never signed off here?

I did! I sent all my documents to my mother!

Tell him that we have to marry next week. I'm not getting more holidays

You never sent anything. - What do you know? it's private stuff.

Your private stuff? - Yes. Okay. Please.

They steal my documents.

They should take an example from the German Post. Zack! Zack!

This damn paper musst be anywhere! Shit!

Sara, I... - Yes, I know what you want to say and you are right. You are always right!

With you everything is clear and sorted, and there are birthcertificates,

familytherapy and a father who makes a lifeinsurance for you

instead of making a big chaos! - Sara, I stay here with you

until we have those damn rings on the finger. We will do this! Very german.

You never saw those pictures? - No.

Dear mother. I'm in Germany, working as a locksmith in a factory.

Germany is very modern.

I wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn't. Please forgive me.

I miss you very much but I am very happy here.

A kiss, your son Antonio.

After 3 more domanis we were told

that Sara can only get Italian citizenship in Germany

at the Italian consulate in Munich where she is registered.

I will hurry. - I can do that. If I would come

I would stay there. - It's my private stuff.

But I'm allowed to do your paperwork. Taxrefunds, pensioninsucrance.

I don't need them, all of your german insurances!

He doesn't need me.

Are you crazy? Ursula!

Open up!

Where are you going? Straight through! - No, we came from the right.

No, Signore! This is my hometown. I'm the chef. You are the stupid salad!

Oh Shit!

Grazie! - Did I drive or did you?

Big chef, right? You're a salad! A Cesar salad!

Will you at least help me translate? - I'm a stupid salad.

Sorry. Io ho priority.

What? I did blink. Blinker. What's the meaning of this now?

What? I did blink.

What now? - You are funny!

What, funny? Stupid or what? - Yes you are funny stupid.

Let's go back to Germany. You are stupid there!

I live longer in Germany. Even before you where born.

Yes. And the whole time people laugh about you. Weird, isn't it?

With this the fight was over. We didn't talk anymore.

But today for dinner there where peas with the squid.

Is there a Problem?

Well. Then I will go and inflate my crocodile. It has to be...

I was just searching for the remote. Because of the...

Can I trust you? - Sure.

If you make Schnucke feel unhappy, I will find you everywhere.

And then I got to know Antonios relatives. At least 40 Marios,

And the same amount of Antonios.

I felt like a child that was forgotten in the Shoppingmall. In a big mall with a lot of

very happy costumers whom all wanted to adopt me.

What?

Why that?

Falso letto? Wrong bed.

No! "Fazzoletto".

Ah, handkerchief. Understood. - Bravo, Beckenbauer! Bravo!

And how do I look?

Then the day finally came.

As freshly made Italian Sara came back to Campobello.

Now you had to become Italian to marry a German.

I had to fall in love with a German to become an Italian.

My sweetie. - Ciao, Babbo.

But Saras new passport had a big impact on her personality.

You think about my seafood allergy? I'm always thinking about it, Gianni.

We can't make you something special.

And by the way, when was the last time you had seafood?

You want a doctors note first and then I can get something I can eat?

Are you always in the familypackage or do I get a private audience sometimes?

It will get easier, right? - Nope.

Do you regret it?

Sometimes.

I need to talk to you. Important thing.

Your weddingring.

My father didn't want to give it to me but now you are my son.

We already bought rings. - This ring was made for my great grandfather Antonio.

After his wedding in Sicilly he had to go to the first world war.

Then he went to the toilett, grenade came in and boom! Destiny.

But luckily cousin Marco found the ring in the toilett.

A great honor for you.

But I can't accept that.

Are you my son or not?

Wait. Sara, can you come here for a second?

I can't carry your dead grandfathers on my finger for the rest of my life.

Just take it for the other ones.

May I remind you of the rings that you picked?

Come on, give them to me. - I don't have anything.

Come on!

Spit it out.

What, you ate it? - Me? No.

Your father ate the ring. - Yeah right, my father ate the ring.

Yes!

Further, come, don't be scared. Left, Eberhard, right.

Come on, leave it like this.

What I actually needed now was reinforcement.

What did I get? My italophilic parents.

Ciao, Antonio. - My sitster, Maria.

This is from Torre Mancini.

A very nice winery. Our hotel was right next to the cantina.

A Palazzo autentico...

Did you feel very alone? - You can't quite say that.

Eberhard! Your son is already fully integrated.

Is everything fine?

What did you do in Tuscany?

We went to a Ayurveda-Resort.

You get oil on your head. - Eberhard, you should eat Bruschetta.

- Si, si. Olio caldo. Up here.

A toast to our guests!

Could you translate for me?

I want to express my great joy for this German-Italian love.

I think that Sara brings out the best in our Jan.

Your warmth and spontanity is what we Germans have problems with.

Right, Eberhard? Say something! - You don't have to, dad.

I think we shouldn't sell us cheaper than we are.

Yes, Ursula does the same with me. - Babbo!

If you like everything here so much why don't you just go back? - Because of you

I can understand that, the Italians are more joyful in life.

This simplicity and tolerance. And the good food!

Ah, Intestines. So this means you can cook well Italian style?

You know what? I'm so over this food here!

In the morning white-flouver-cornetto at lunch white-flouver-tramezzini white-flouver-pizza

in the evening white-flouver-pasta! It's a miracle this people didn't explode yet

And if you want to know how tolerant and simple the Italians are,

then translate what I just said. - Mama.

Well, it had to be said.

Can't you be honest for once? - You don't understand that.

I understand that very well. I'm married to you since 38 years.

No. - What?

In Italy i'm not married at all. I have the documents from the commune.

Funny, right? - very funny.

You can be lucky that I have married you.

Mama!

At the evening before the wedding the family was near to a meltdown.

And in the center, of course, my almost-father-in-law.

I want to be alone. That's too funny.

Buonanotte! - Good night.

It's a little bit like an Italian opera, isn't it? This spontaneus passion

Jan, when I see you here I am concerned about the difference of integration and assimilation.

What? How do you mean that?

You may get used to a overbearing father in law.

As long as you spent the holidays here or eastern or christmas.

But your children....

What? They all love children. - This is a gene pool of crazy people!

I can't stand it!

Are you OK?

Can you take this shitty-crocodile out of your mouth?

You actually want to spent every summer holidays here, right? - Of course

Why not? - And christmas too?

It's nice here. With children...

And what will I do in the meantime?

- Oh, you can go to your parents

and have a bath in the gene pool of the perfect, smart and superharmonic Doing-everything-perfect

Schnucke, you have to help me with Ursula.

I'm driving! I'm leaving right now!

And then the best day of my life begann.

Morning.

Somebody has lost this.

Listen, Gianni. We have to change the programm for the wedding.

We will not change the programm, Okay? - It's an important thing,

because Ursula... - I don't care about that!

Jan, just let him finish! - I have an idea for a little surprise.

Do you want to know how many of your surprises I'm able to stand?

Zero. Niente. I'm happy if I can stand in front of the altar alive today.

I'm so German, that right after I will put my wife in the car and drive back to bad Germany.

I promise to you that I will never put my stupid German foot

on holy Italian territory. - Jan, just calm down!

Me? I am calm! I am the only one here who is calm!

Ungrateful boy! - Jan! Jan!

Sara, this is a madhouse. - I never said it's a paradise.

You don't notice anymore because you... - are as crazy as my them?

Yes!

No. Sometimes. - Aha.

So. Should I be ashamed or what?

We are no singing Iceman or romantic gondoliere for tourists like your mother.

This is not a german Tuscany-colony. This is Campobello, next to nothing.

And this is the family Marcipane, and this is me!

If you don't respect that you don't belong to our family!

Right. You can celebrate the wedding without me!

There's your programm change! Happy? - You don't understand me. Ursula...

Shit!

North. North is good

Shit!

Don't cry. Don't cry, Schnucke.

Toni, go and search the boy! - Si.

Yes? - Jan?

Yes. - Come back.

No.

Sara, there are two possibilitys. Either you seperate from your family or....

Or I spererate from myself. Both doesn't work.

My father didn't mean it like that. - It's totally clear what he means.

He want's me to... Hey, sorry! Hm, broken?

Ah. Rompere il cazzo. - Si! Rompere den cazzo he wants me.

Jan, this is stupid, you overact. - Me? You warned me of him!

Before! In Italiy you are like remote-controlled.

It doesn't matter what bullshit he does, he is always the big hero and I'm the stupid one.

But I'm still the same whom you wanted to marry. Only you are different!

Where are you now? - Almost in Austria.

Such a nonsense. Come back!

Ask someone who fought in the Vietnam war if he want's to spend his Holidays in Saigon. - Vaffanculo!

Oh Shit!

With the women it's always casino. Sara has a difficult charakter.

She will always make you problems. - You always make me problems!

No. You know who makes your problems? You!

But I understand you. - Ach?

If you whould have lived my life you would also understand me.

Those where the same problems when I met my Ursula.

Attention! Attention!

Ursula was the prettiest woman of the whole city. (Antonio) Ursula war die schönste Frau von der ganzen Stadt.

I would like to pay, please. - You, pretty lady, don't have to pay

Come back soon.

Hands off my girl!

I don't understand

You know what happens when a dago touches a german girl? - Heinz!

At home in Campobello I would have killed such a guy.

- Come here Spaghettimaker!

But in Germany I was the foreigner. You make problems there

and they send you home.

Shitty-World. Destroys your bones and and your pride.

The only place where you are free is in your head.

Nobody looks in and no one damages anything.

Since this day I didn't want to be like the Germans anymore.

I became the funny little Italian.

What the Germans said? In my head it doesn't matter.

Bella, bellissima. - You think they are still coming?

Ursula, say "banana". - What?

Hello, Mr. Marzipan. - Marcipane, Antonio.

Whatever. What is with your relatives?

They are far away in Italy. - And your family? Are they coming?

Don't cry. You and me, it's enough.

Luckily my Ursula had a good charakter.

She took the best men of the best.

And I made her happy Und ich habe sie glücklich gemacht.

What are you doing there? Well, you can't do anything about

a foreigner living in my house. But not everybody has to know this.

He is allowed to work here but not living here and taking your German women away!

Now don't get rude!

Hey, Amore, don't cry.

It's normal, I'm a stranger. When he gets to know me it will be better.

But I knew it's not going to get better. Just as it was with my father.

He was an immigrant from Sicily You stay a stranger for the rest of your life.

The interest rate is made specially for your situation.

See: "Guestworker" is a word made of two words.

Your husband is a guest for working.

That means that we don't know how long Mr. Marzipan is going to stay here.

Then I bought a tip top property for optimal conditions.

And what the others said? I didn't care at all in my head.

In there is the world of Antonio. Basta!

You decided to become crazy. - No. Am I crazy?

Bad boy!

Just and individual part of the things. It's a philosophical question.

They have no idea what they are doing

I can do that way better.

Wait!

It's an Oldtimer. - I know what that is.

How? - I quited at the bar and

went to the cars. Carbuilder Karmann in Osnabrück.

It’s the piston seizure of the third cylinder

Ask if this Beetle still has an engine.

The difference between us is: I get upset and lose in the end.

He doesn't even get upset and in the end he gets what he wanted.

Now you can drive to Sara with me.

Why? Did she say something?

First she screamed like a cat and then she stopped talking to her father.

That's way you drive to Campobello. Maybe then she will talk to her father again.

And what am I supposed to say then? - Say nothing. Marry. Basta.

Tell me,

your father is an expert for complicated charakters?

I wanted to ask because of Ursula. She is a little weird at the moment.

Did you say you're sorry?

Am I rich?

Stupid Wedding. My Mercedes.

Ursula, listen. I have good news!

Sara took her bags and went to Bari, to the train station.

Slowly, I'm an old men!

Don't go in! Okay, you should stay here.

Because you are Italian and that is good. That is very good. I love you for beeing Italian.

Because I'm Italian? - Because you are you.

Because I thought a lot.

You remember when we went to your parents for the first time?

I did propose to you then. - You to me?

Yes. I to you. I asked you: "Would you marry me?"

You marry me? - Jan, what do you want?

I want to marry you.

What?

You wouldn't stand to be here every holiday. And my Family wouldn't

If we wouldn't be here. I simply can't handle this split anymore.

Can you imagine to celebrate a wedding with your family without getting married?

Of course!

What would I have become if i would really have driven home?

Sara and me would never have married

and I would still not be able to swim.

Come my dear boy. - You know I can't swim.

No, not swimming. Just floating. - How, floating?

I'll show you.

It's very easy

And? - Si.

Hey, you float!

You know, it doesn't matter if you are German or Italian.

The love...

The love!