All language subtitles for Maria.He.Doesnt.Like.It.2009.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Nice here, right? This is where
you want to spent your holidays, right?

Please, go ahead!
I ,however,am done with Campobello.

I want to go home. Right away.

The shit is over my head right now.

Even though this is the best
day of my life

In two minutes I should on
be an Italian wedding.

As the groom

Sara, now calm down. I'm sure...
Toni just do something.

You racist, envious, old cow!

This is Sara. My girlfriend,
Fiancée, well more ex-fiancée

or almost ex-wife.
Anyway, she is half-Italian.

For their Italian relatives
she is half German.

And this is her father. Antonio.

Before he came into my life,
the world was still in order.

The first time I saw Antonio
in Krefeld at the nether-rhine

Sara never introduced me to her parents
Always there was an excuse.

No, my dad is so sweet.
Just a bit special. Well, sometimes.

And where is the problem?

If he feels well he is talking
without and end. That's mostly the case

Acutally I planed to introduce you to
him after the wedding

Well then we would have to hurry
because we have 30 minutes left

He would be grumpy because you didn't
ask for my hand in marriage. He is old-fashioned

Then I would have to ask you
- Wait? You would marry me?

Oh, was that a request now?

(Sara) from whom?

(Sara) Would you marry me?
(Jan) Yes, I also would marry you.

And if he would cut my little finger
of like it's old italian tradition?

And then send it to my Parents in a
letter forcing them to give him money?

Everything will be fine.
Come!

Mama!
-Hello. Here we are.

Is that him?
- Yes, thats's him.

Well, then come in.
- Okay.

Yes, just go through!

Ah, hello.

We are here.

You must be Sara's father.

I already have heard a lot about you.
- So, you have. What did you hear?

Well, that you are nice

No, I'm actually very nice.
- Okay.

Very nice.

Where have you been, you little rogue?
-Well, much traffic on the highway.

But we did it in 5 hours.
That's good for a friday

And this is your boyfriend?
-Yes, that's him.

Marcipane, Antonio.

Jan

Yes, they are a little bit

Oh, no. But I have flowers.
-For me?

For both of you, so to speak.
For getting to know. Get-to-know-flowers

That's very nice.
They are quite warm.

Yes, sit down. Just do.
My parents are not so conventional.

I've noticed that.

We want to tell you something.

Yes. Yes, we... we wanted to ask,
whether it's what you might,

that I your daughter. So, Sara.

We want to, I want to marry her.

If that is possible?

You want to marry?
-Yes, Babbo.

This one?
-Yes, him. And no one else.

Ursula, he wants to take my Schnucke!
-If the two want. He is nice.

Why do you want to have her?

I thought before I
get no one then...

You are funny, hm?

So? How do you like them?
- Well, your father hates me.

Rubbish! You can sleep here.
No Body was ever allowed to do that

Is the heating on?
- Babbo!

The combination of heating an fresh air
is the best for a good sleep!

Buonanotte, Babbo!
- Buonanotte, Schnucke.

Are you talking about me?

He wants to meet your parents
- That's not a problem.

You will like them, Babbo.

Yes, he have been there some times.
- So often?

In contrast to Antonio my parents where
thrilled by our weddingplans.

The live in Düsseldorf. Kilometerwise
that's not far from the Marcipanes

but seen from mentality it's
lightyears away.

How do I look? Do I look good?

Buongiorno!
- Hello.

My name is Marcipane, my lady.
- Pleasant. Armbruster.

Happy to know you. Pleasant.
- My daughter, Sara.

We know her.
- Ah.

Your son, Jan. Your mother, your father.

Venire. Grazie. Venire.
- Come in!

Nice that we are all gathered here.
You think it's nice? Why?

You can finally get to meet eachother
- Why? I already know you.

You are a real philosoph.
- Yes.

I feel something inside me like
a philosophic impuls.

Do you know Machiavelli?
- Of course.

Did you know that Machiavelli and Freud
were best friends?

With Freud?
- Yes, they shared everything.

The appartment, the friends, food
and also the women.

I don't want to sound extra smart
or start a fight

but Machiavelli lived in 16th and Freud
in the 19th Century. - Eberhard, please.

My husband is psychology professor.
He lives in his own century.

Please have a seat!
My Gnocci will get cold.

They couldn't have know eachother

Buon appetito!

Could be. But Freud copied
everything from Machiavelli.

I think we can leave it like this.

Your logic seems a little
italian to me lately.

Yes, your son has quite some taste
for Italians at the moment.

He even wants to marry one.

In Campobello.

What, Campobello?
- It's the most beautiful city in Italy

Oh, I will invite you all to the
wedding, with professore!

In Campobello the people are nice
and the sun is shining.

I did some phone calls.
My mother speaks with Don Alfredo.

Who is Don Alfredo?
- The priest. He even speaks german!

I thought we would rather do
a civil wedding

Impossibile in Campobello! That is
a question of respect, of tradition.

I will bring all Italians to the church.
- I am not an Italian!

Oh, capito. Do it without me.
I don't care at all.

Wait a second. That would actually be
quite a nice idea,

all festive in the church.
You in a tuxedo, me in a white dress,

we dance Pizzica,
and my grand parents would be there

I think a wedding is something private,
something between you and me.

Jan, when you marry it's
no private thing anymore.
I will be your father then.

An Itallian summerwedding
sounds wonderful. I love Italy.

Gee, it's so nice we can decide
that on our own.

Our first wedding crisis, before
the wedding. It was obvious to me:

There was no way out. My publishing
house gave me 3 weeks of holidays

14 days of preparation at Saras family,
one week of honeymoon on Capri.

The "monster" on the roof was a small
souvenir for Antonios nephew Marco.

Sara said it would elevate the
friendship

of my future father-in-law, if I would
sit in the car with him.

There are just two things that she
has no idea about:

Driving the car and Male-friendships.

German drivers have a bad charackter.
Always racing, zack, zack!

Italians drive more concentrated,
looking right, looking left

Hey, are you happy that you marry
in Bella Italia?

The Country of big culture and
very fine food?

Yes

If you drive now he will sleep until
we arrive. Then you have your peace.

I drive. Then you can rest.
- No, no, you can not drive.

The steering is set to me.

The steering was set to you?
- Si, si. Motor, wheels and the seats.

Ciao. We are on the way already.
- Ciao.

Get out!
- Get in. Let's overtake the women!

Don't change the instruments!

Will you close the door?

Slowly! This is not a Ferrari!
- Okay.

Why didn't you wake me up?
I think we make a driver change?

It's only three kilometers left.
- Davero?

Make a bella figura for me.

Campobello is 450 km southeast
of Rome.

A small village that slumbers on a
mountain and is heavily bored by itself.

That's Egidio, the husband of my aunt
Maria. This is her son Marco.

That's my most beloved cousin.
And that is my uncle Raffaele.

So he's the brother of my father.
And this is Nunzio and his wife Anna.

Did you just say that I'm not normal?

Do I have to show them my teeth or
can we shorten this somehow?

Say you are hungry. "Ho fame."
- Ho fame.

If, as a german, you dislike something
in foreign countrys.

maybe because you
have a scorpion
or a latino with a gun in your room

or an allergy against seafood

Then this sort of critisism is nothing
less then one: typical german.

Nothing destroys a german so much as the
accusation of beeing typicaly german.

What's the word for "not hungry"?
- Doesn't exist in Italian.

What did she say?

She said: Maria, he doesn't like it.

And why is he crying?

He doesn't like milk, but his mother
forced him to drink some.

The photocamera.

What do you have there?
- Nothing.

What are you doing there?
- Nothing.

Miezecazzo.

You think you can make it here, Gianni?
- As far as nobody feeds me in the night

No, I mean the two weeks prior
to the wedding? All alone in bed.

Ah, here.
He too, with niente milk, latte...

No, he's crying because he
can not hang in the kitchen.

In the morning we went to the commune
to immediatly prepare the wedding.

Almost immediatly

Antonio! I can't hold it!
Antonio!

Are you OK?
- Yes, yes, wonderful as you can see

What are they talking about?

What?

It's almost twelve. We wanted to go to
the commune to prepare the wedding.

What do you mean, domani?
- tomorrow, hm?

Why that?

Jan, the deadline is due until tomorrow.
- And if there are complications?

Gianni, you know the difference between
Germans and Italians?

Germans always look for problems.
Italians already have problems.

They don't need to search anymore
and can go to the beach.

For going to the beach 8 1/2
Italians need

Sara only counts half, 18 towels,
9 air matrasses in animal shape,

9 pairs of flippers, swim-glasses and
harpoons, 2 baithing pants and bikinis

parts for the aunt. Shovel and
bucket, also for the grownups

Beach-tents, Telefonini, water, not
carbonated, chairs, a volleyballnet and
caps

With that Sunprotection oil without
UV-Protection for everyone.

Ah, domani.
- Come on, don't be a spoiler.

Are you sick?
- I can't swim.

When I was a child I failed
swimming course and other children can
be realy bad.

Then I decided to never go back in the
water for my entire life.

Stupid salad!
What do you mean, salad?

The whole family thinks you're nice.
But you always make evil eyes!

You know, I understand you very well.

I tell you a little story.
You know what was the first word

that I have heard when I first came
to Germany?

Attention! Out of the way!

Attention! Out of the way!

If you wanted to work in Germany,
it wasn't that easy.

The Germans picked the Italians
very carefuly.

Never saw a shovel before?

Signore, I have a diploma.
I'm a turner and locksmith.

You can put this wherever you like.
Either you take the shovel or you go!

My dream was big,
but my pride was bigger.

I left the factory and worked
as a waiter in a bar.

Attention! Out of the way!

Now imagine: you come to Campobello
as a stranger and no one asks:

How are you, let's drink a coffee,
let's go to the beach?

Well you can't generalize that.
The germans...

No, no, they are not all like this.

Just you.
- Me?

No Jokes!
You are a serious charakter!

Hey, play with us! Come!
- Okay.

Ah! It's cold!
- Oh God. What happened?

It's okay.

I want to go to the commune immediately

Come on! We are already late!

Bella Italia.
- Don't play the German now!

So, then we will marry in Germany!

It's much better at Don Alfredo!
- Oh no!

Come on please!

You can't talk with a Carducci and
you can not look them in the eye.

Do they have a tropical disease or what?

Do you know the Fiat Cinquecento?

What?

When I was a young boy my father
bought his first car.

He went to the city with me
and showed me the new Cinquecento.

Everybody had great respect, only one
didn't know whos car it was:

Benito Carducci,
the son of Mario Carducci.

Benito was stupid because
he once dropped from a wall.

Benito tought the Fiat is very nice

and so he wanted it too.

But if you steal something in Campobello
be assured it belongs to a relative.

And Marcipane and Carducci
and very much related.

My father and me went to Benitos father.
There I gave my testimony.

The problem was: He already sold
the car, to Carlo Carducci.

So: Big confusion

Since this day the Carduccis and
Marcipanes don't talk to eachother.

Until today it's a complicated
situation in this small village.

This is why you have to go to
Don Alfredo to the curch, Understood?
- Yes.

In Italy the priest is allowed
to be the registrar.

With papers, stamps and
everything that comes with it.

Marriage is a holly sacrament.

What god has united
the human shall not divide.

What if god doesn't exist?
I'm a little upset that someone

whom I have never met has the
last word about our private life.

Private life?
Have you ever seen private life here?

Your father is Antonio Marcipane?
- Yes, I'm the father!

No. I am German.
- On Italian territory,

with an Italian father,
you are Italian automatically.

For marrying in Italy
you need an Italian passport.

The German authorities told us that
if two Germans want to marry abroad...

Go to the commune and make
an Italian passport.

Three Domanis Later we were told that Sara, in
contrast to god, doesn't exist.

You never signed off here?

I did! I sent all my documents to
my mother!

Tell him that we have to marry
next week. I'm not getting more holidays

You never sent anything.
- What do you know? it's private stuff.

Your private stuff? - Yes.
Okay. Please.

They steal my documents.

They should take an example from the
German Post. Zack! Zack!

This damn paper musst be anywhere!
Shit!

Sara, I...
- Yes, I know what you want to say
and you are right. You are always right!

With you everything is clear and sorted,
and there are birthcertificates,

familytherapy and a father who makes
a lifeinsurance for you

instead of making a big chaos!
- Sara, I stay here with you

until we have those damn rings on the finger.
We will do this! Very german.

You never saw those pictures?
- No.

Dear mother. I'm in Germany, working as
a locksmith in a factory.

Germany is very modern.

I wanted to tell you earlier
but I couldn't. Please forgive me.

I miss you very much
but I am very happy here.

A kiss, your son Antonio.

After 3 more domanis we were told

that Sara can only get Italian
citizenship in Germany

at the Italian consulate in Munich
where she is registered.

I will hurry.
- I can do that. If I would come

I would stay there.
- It's my private stuff.

But I'm allowed to do your paperwork.
Taxrefunds, pensioninsucrance.

I don't need them,
all of your german insurances!

He doesn't need me.

Are you crazy?
Ursula!

Open up!

Where are you going? Straight through!
- No, we came from the right.

No, Signore! This is my hometown.
I'm the chef. You are the stupid salad!

Oh Shit!

Grazie!
- Did I drive or did you?

Big chef, right? You're a salad!
A Cesar salad!

Will you at least help me translate?
- I'm a stupid salad.

Sorry. Io ho priority.

What? I did blink. Blinker.
What's the meaning of this now?

What? I did blink.

What now?
- You are funny!

What, funny? Stupid or what?
- Yes you are funny stupid.

Let's go back to Germany.
You are stupid there!

I live longer in Germany.
Even before you where born.

Yes. And the whole time people
laugh about you. Weird, isn't it?

With this the fight was over.
We didn't talk anymore.

But today for dinner there where
peas with the squid.

Is there a Problem?

Well. Then I will go and
inflate my crocodile. It has to be...

I was just searching for the remote.
Because of the...

Can I trust you?
- Sure.

If you make Schnucke feel unhappy,
I will find you everywhere.

And then I got to know Antonios
relatives. At least 40 Marios,

And the same amount of Antonios.

I felt like a child that was forgotten
in the Shoppingmall. In a big mall with a lot of

very happy costumers whom all
wanted to adopt me.

What?

Why that?

Falso letto? Wrong bed.

No!
"Fazzoletto".

Ah, handkerchief. Understood.
- Bravo, Beckenbauer! Bravo!

And how do I look?

Then the day finally came.

As freshly made Italian
Sara came back to Campobello.

Now you had to become Italian to
marry a German.

I had to fall in love with a German
to become an Italian.

My sweetie.
- Ciao, Babbo.

But Saras new passport had a big impact
on her personality.

You think about my seafood allergy?
I'm always thinking about it, Gianni.

We can't make you something special.

And by the way, when was the last time
you had seafood?

You want a doctors note first and
then I can get something I can eat?

Are you always in the familypackage or
do I get a private audience sometimes?

It will get easier, right?
- Nope.

Do you regret it?

Sometimes.

I need to talk to you.
Important thing.

Your weddingring.

My father didn't want to give it to me
but now you are my son.

We already bought rings.
- This ring was made for my great grandfather Antonio.

After his wedding in Sicilly he
had to go to the first world war.

Then he went to the toilett, grenade
came in and boom! Destiny.

But luckily cousin Marco found
the ring in the toilett.

A great honor for you.

But I can't accept that.

Are you my son or not?

Wait.
Sara, can you come here for a second?

I can't carry your dead grandfathers
on my finger for the rest of my life.

Just take it for the other ones.

May I remind you of the rings
that you picked?

Come on, give them to me.
- I don't have anything.

Come on!

Spit it out.

What, you ate it?
- Me? No.

Your father ate the ring.
- Yeah right, my father ate the ring.

Yes!

Further, come, don't be scared.
Left, Eberhard, right.

Come on, leave it like this.

What I actually needed now
was reinforcement.

What did I get?
My italophilic parents.

Ciao, Antonio.
- My sitster, Maria.

This is from Torre Mancini.

A very nice winery. Our hotel was right
next to the cantina.

A Palazzo autentico...

Did you feel very alone?
- You can't quite say that.

Eberhard!
Your son is already fully integrated.

Is everything fine?

What did you do in Tuscany?

We went to a Ayurveda-Resort.

You get oil on your head.
- Eberhard, you should eat Bruschetta.

- Si, si. Olio caldo. Up here.

A toast to our guests!

Could you translate for me?

I want to express my great joy
for this German-Italian love.

I think that Sara
brings out the best in our Jan.

Your warmth and spontanity is what
we Germans have problems with.

Right, Eberhard? Say something!
- You don't have to, dad.

I think we shouldn't sell us
cheaper than we are.

Yes, Ursula does the same with me.
- Babbo!

If you like everything here so much
why don't you just go back?
- Because of you

I can understand that,
the Italians are more joyful in life.

This simplicity and tolerance.
And the good food!

Ah, Intestines. So this means you can
cook well Italian style?

You know what?
I'm so over this food here!

In the morning white-flouver-cornetto
at lunch white-flouver-tramezzini
white-flouver-pizza

in the evening white-flouver-pasta!
It's a miracle this people
didn't explode yet

And if you want to know how tolerant
and simple the Italians are,

then translate what I just said.
- Mama.

Well, it had to be said.

Can't you be honest for once?
- You don't understand that.

I understand that very well.
I'm married to you since 38 years.

No.
- What?

In Italy i'm not married at all.
I have the documents from the commune.

Funny, right?
- very funny.

You can be lucky
that I have married you.

Mama!

At the evening before the wedding
the family was near to a meltdown.

And in the center, of course,
my almost-father-in-law.

I want to be alone.
That's too funny.

Buonanotte!
- Good night.

It's a little bit like an Italian
opera, isn't it? This spontaneus passion

Jan, when I see you here
I am concerned about the difference of
integration and assimilation.

What? How do you mean that?

You may get used to a overbearing
father in law.

As long as you spent the holidays here
or eastern or christmas.

But your children....

What? They all love children.
- This is a gene pool of crazy people!

I can't stand it!

Are you OK?

Can you take this shitty-crocodile
out of your mouth?

You actually want to spent every summer
holidays here, right? - Of course

Why not?
- And christmas too?

It's nice here. With children...

And what will I do in the meantime?

- Oh, you can go to your parents

and have a bath in the gene pool of the
perfect, smart and superharmonic
Doing-everything-perfect

Schnucke, you have to help me
with Ursula.

I'm driving!
I'm leaving right now!

And then the best day
of my life begann.

Morning.

Somebody has lost this.

Listen, Gianni. We have to change the
programm for the wedding.

We will not change the programm, Okay?
- It's an important thing,

because Ursula...
- I don't care about that!

Jan, just let him finish!
- I have an idea for a little surprise.

Do you want to know how many of
your surprises I'm able to stand?

Zero. Niente. I'm happy if I can stand
in front of the altar alive today.

I'm so German, that right after I will put my wife
in the car and drive back to bad Germany.

I promise to you that I will never put
my stupid German foot

on holy Italian territory.
- Jan, just calm down!

Me? I am calm!
I am the only one here who is calm!

Ungrateful boy!
- Jan! Jan!

Sara, this is a madhouse.
- I never said it's a paradise.

You don't notice anymore because you...
- are as crazy as my them?

Yes!

No. Sometimes.
- Aha.

So. Should I be ashamed or what?

We are no singing Iceman or
romantic gondoliere for tourists like your mother.

This is not a german Tuscany-colony.
This is Campobello, next to nothing.

And this is the family Marcipane,
and this is me!

If you don't respect that
you don't belong to our family!

Right. You can celebrate the
wedding without me!

There's your programm change! Happy?
- You don't understand me. Ursula...

Shit!

North. North is good

Shit!

Don't cry.
Don't cry, Schnucke.

Toni, go and search the boy!
- Si.

Yes?
- Jan?

Yes.
- Come back.

No.

Sara, there are two possibilitys. Either
you seperate from your family or....

Or I spererate from myself.
Both doesn't work.

My father didn't mean it like that.
- It's totally clear what he means.

He want's me to...
Hey, sorry! Hm, broken?

Ah. Rompere il cazzo.
- Si! Rompere den cazzo he wants me.

Jan, this is stupid, you overact.
- Me? You warned me of him!

Before! In Italiy you are
like remote-controlled.

It doesn't matter what bullshit
he does, he is always the big hero
and I'm the stupid one.

But I'm still the same whom you wanted
to marry. Only you are different!

Where are you now?
- Almost in Austria.

Such a nonsense. Come back!

Ask someone who fought in the
Vietnam war if he want's to spend his
Holidays in Saigon. - Vaffanculo!

Oh Shit!

With the women it's always casino.
Sara has a difficult charakter.

She will always make you problems.
- You always make me problems!

No. You know who makes your problems?
You!

But I understand you.
- Ach?

If you whould have lived my life you
would also understand me.

Those where the same problems
when I met my Ursula.

Attention! Attention!

Ursula was the prettiest woman of the
whole city.
(Antonio) Ursula war die schönste Frau
von der ganzen Stadt.

I would like to pay, please.
- You, pretty lady, don't have to pay

Come back soon.

Hands off my girl!

I don't understand

You know what happens when a dago
touches a german girl? - Heinz!

At home in Campobello I would
have killed such a guy.

- Come here Spaghettimaker!

But in Germany I was the foreigner.
You make problems there

and they send you home.

Shitty-World. Destroys your bones and
and your pride.

The only place where you are free
is in your head.

Nobody looks in and no one
damages anything.

Since this day I didn't want to be
like the Germans anymore.

I became the funny little Italian.

What the Germans said?
In my head it doesn't matter.

Bella, bellissima.
- You think they are still coming?

Ursula, say "banana".
- What?

Hello, Mr. Marzipan.
- Marcipane, Antonio.

Whatever. What is with your relatives?

They are far away in Italy.
- And your family? Are they coming?

Don't cry. You and me, it's enough.

Luckily my Ursula had a good charakter.

She took the best men of the best.

And I made her happy
Und ich habe sie glücklich gemacht.

What are you doing there?
Well, you can't do anything about

a foreigner living in my house.
But not everybody has to know this.

He is allowed to work here but
not living here and taking your
German women away!

Now don't get rude!

Hey, Amore, don't cry.

It's normal, I'm a stranger.
When he gets to know
me it will be better.

But I knew it's not going to get better.
Just as it was with my father.

He was an immigrant from Sicily
You stay a stranger for
the rest of your life.

The interest rate is made specially
for your situation.

See: "Guestworker"
is a word made of two words.

Your husband is a guest for working.

That means that we don't know how long
Mr. Marzipan is going to stay here.

Then I bought a tip top property
for optimal conditions.

And what the others said?
I didn't care at all in my head.

In there is the world of Antonio. Basta!

You decided to become crazy.
- No. Am I crazy?

Bad boy!

Just and individual part of the things.
It's a philosophical question.

They have no idea what they are doing

I can do that way better.

Wait!

It's an Oldtimer.
- I know what that is.

How?
- I quited at the bar and

went to the cars.
Carbuilder Karmann in Osnabrück.

It’s the piston seizure of
the third cylinder

Ask if this Beetle still has an engine.

The difference between us is:
I get upset and lose in the end.

He doesn't even get upset
and in the end he gets what he wanted.

Now you can drive to Sara with me.

Why? Did she say something?

First she screamed like a cat and then
she stopped talking to her father.

That's way you drive to Campobello.
Maybe then she will talk
to her father again.

And what am I supposed to say then?
- Say nothing. Marry. Basta.

Tell me,

your father is an expert for
complicated charakters?

I wanted to ask because of Ursula.
She is a little weird at the moment.

Did you say you're sorry?

Am I rich?

Stupid Wedding.
My Mercedes.

Ursula, listen.
I have good news!

Sara took her bags and went to Bari,
to the train station.

Slowly, I'm an old men!

Don't go in!
Okay, you should stay here.

Because you are Italian and that is good.
That is very good. I love you for beeing Italian.

Because I'm Italian?
- Because you are you.

Because I thought a lot.

You remember when we went to your parents
for the first time?

I did propose to you then.
- You to me?

Yes. I to you. I asked you:
"Would you marry me?"

You marry me?
- Jan, what do you want?

I want to marry you.

What?

You wouldn't stand to be here every holiday.
And my Family wouldn't

If we wouldn't be here.
I simply can't handle this split anymore.

Can you imagine to celebrate a wedding
with your family without getting married?

Of course!

What would I have become if i would really
have driven home?

Sara and me would never have married

and I would still not be able to swim.

Come my dear boy.
- You know I can't swim.

No, not swimming. Just floating.
- How, floating?

I'll show you.

It's very easy

And?
- Si.

Hey, you float!

You know, it doesn't matter if you are German
or Italian.

The love...

The love!