All language subtitles for Grace.and.Frankie.S05E13.720p.WEBRip.X264-METCON

♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I may not always love you ♪

♪ But long as there are stars above you ♪

♪ You never need to doubt it ♪

♪ I'll make you so sure about it ♪

♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪

Breakfast! Come and get it!
Hot from the oven.

Breakfast for me?

Which came first, girls?

Oh.

Do I look okay?

I haven't seen
most of these people in years.

You look like a million bucks.

That's great,
because I only paid 42,500 for that face.

Am I having another stroke
or did I burn my toast?

You actually burned the Vitamix,
which... how?

But, no worries, it's fine.

Frankie, there was a chicken
in my sock drawer.

I wondered where Lindsay got to.

I thought we talked
about chickens in the house.

Yeah, where did we land on that?

We landed on no chickens in the house.

You know, the chickens have been
a great comfort for Frankie.

Hmm.

Especially since you won't let me
tuck her in anymore.

Stop worrying. The party's gonna be great.

Which part?

Surprising my emotionally
volatile daughter,

or me being back in a room with a woman
who tried to throw a printer at me?

That was "Mediation Grace."

I'm sure she's mellowed since then.

That's easy for you to say,

Frankie made you a mediation mix-tape.

I'm already on this, fellas.

I've got a plan to deal with Grace.

What makes you think she'll listen to you?

I'm an emotional wizard.

I made Robert my bestie, didn't I?

I'm gonna go hide the printer.

- Want some jam?
- Okay.

How am I supposed to be around Robert
without my hands going for his throat?

My ex-wife choked me. We're fine now.

Why are we celebrating Brianna's 40th?

I raised my daughters to get quietly drunk
on big birthdays.

- I mean, it's just...
- Shh! It's me.

I love the thrill of the chaise.

And I'll beat any price anywhere.

And that's a promise from me,
Jack Patterson, the Prince of Patios!

- For more information...
- I'm sorry.

You were saying something about salad.

Great. I'm molting.

There's a lint roller downstairs.

Help me find my party cardigan.

- It's in the closet...
- Oh.

...at our new house.

- Robert!
- Solbert!

I asked you to stop taking things
over there until I had a chance...

to tell Frankie that we're moving out.

And I asked you to tell Frankie
we were moving three months ago

when we bought our new house.

I'm trying to find the right way
to break it to her.

Well, the movers are coming on Tuesday,

so if you don't, someone
from Fenster Brothers Pack 'N Carry will.

They were very nice on the phone,
maybe they can break it to her.

Good God, I think the biggest chicken
in this house is you.

Chickens are famously brave!

Frankie was only supposed
to stay here for a few weeks.

And as much as I enjoy the smell
of ethnic food at two in the morning,

I am left to wonder why there is
no ethnic food to go with it.

I just don't think
she can make it here alone.

So whatever happened
to asking Bud or Coyote to move in?

I don't know. I feel bad.
They have lives of their own.

And we're supposed to have
lives of our own, too.

I know. You're right.

I'll talk to them today.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry I packed
your party cardigan.

It's okay. It's out of batteries anyway.
You threw it away, didn't you?

I did. Yes.

- Why didn't you want this house?
- Oh, I did.

The day after Robert came out,
I came out here.

But I saw Frankie's car,
and I turned around and never looked back.

I drove straight to Palm Desert.

And I'm glad I did,
because... that's when I met you.

I would have gone with the house.

Oh, it's you.

Grace?

Sure, come right in.

Oh, this is my husband, Jack.

Jack, this is Frankie.

I'm sure I've mentioned her
briefly in passing.

- Consider me flattered.
- Jack Patterson.

You'll have to do most
of the work here, pal. Big stroke.

You had a stroke?

Oh, I've had three.

But don't worry, there won't be a fourth.
I'm on a strict regimen of sound baths,

blood-thinning crystals,
and Sol's foot rubs.

I'm sure you recognize my husband
from his commercials.

Oh, I do!

It is an honor to meet you,
new Mr. Coffee.

So, where is everyone?

The party doesn't start
for an hour and a half.

Then why did you tell us to be here now?

I thought you and I could use this time
to have a sharing circle.

A sharing circle?
Well, all right, I'll go first.

I don't share.

I also don't share. You got a TV?

Over there, pal.

Today is about Brianna,

and everyone is worried there's going
to be a whole thing when you see Robert.

Why? I'm fabulous.
Have you looked at me?

I'm still trying to find you in there.

I'm happy, Frankie.

And once this has settled,
my face will reflect that.

But you ran off
and got married too quickly.

You couldn't possibly
have processed your anger.

Frankie, I released all my anger
the night of the seafood tower.

You got over 20 years of betrayal
by pelting Robert with crab legs?

- Yes. You should try it sometime.
- I don't need to resort to violence.

Living here is proof
that I've crossed the valley of pain

into the other side of healing.

You still live here?

You're kidding me.

It's been three years!

A great three years.

Oh, and don't get me started
on all the fun this crazy crew has.

Do you really get along with Robert?

Oh, now that he's gay, he's awesome.

Well, Jack is...
a dream.

We went to Spain last year.

And we had sangria every night

along with very satisfying
heterosexual intercourse.

Both positions.

Yes.

Mom.

Hi.

Wow.

You came.

Lovely to see you, too, honey.

- Hello, Jack.
- I'm good.

Is that supposed to be dinner
for everyone?

These are the centerpieces.

Oh.

So, you're back
in the party-planning game, are you?

Yeah, well, with Mitch
being away so much...

How is Mitch?

Oh, he's good.

Still married to Mallory.

I got this one, Frankie.

He's good. He's still married to me.

He's doing Doctors Without Borders
for a few months,

so that's...
good.

It's good for us. We're good.

Taking time away from a spouse
can be a very healing thing.

How do you know? You're divorced
and you're still attached at the hip.

Only for potato-sack races.

Sol! I got a great idea for Field Day!

God.

Hello... Grace.

Hello... Robert.

You're looking well.

Thank you. Jack!

I'm doing well. And you? Jack!

You know what? Let's go to Jack!

Jack. Jack, this is Robert.

Jack Patterson.

It's an honor to meet
"The Patio Prince of the Desert!"

I was supposed to be Patio King,
but... Larry Schuman beat me to it.

Yes, Jack has achieved great success

in the cut-throat world
of patio furniture.

You think he's ever gonna make it
back to what he was?

Oh, God, I hope so.

Say, you know I have a golf net out there
and a mid-mashie with your name on it.

Well, I'm gonna check that out.

Jack is fantastic.

Yes, and romantic. Oh.

He puts a sweet note in my car every day.

That sounds lovely.

Oh, it is literally
the definition of lovely.

It's literally not
the definition of that...

Robert, don't make this about you.

Let's enjoy our daughter's party.

My intention today

- is not to get an apology...
- Of course not.

Or show you how badly
you've misjudged me.

Or make you question your ability
to even love at all.

- Grace, I just want...
- Hush, Robert. We can't have a scene.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

What for?

All the guilt I felt
over what I did to you has been lifted.

Seeing you and Jack so happy

has literally given me a relief
I never thought I'd have.

That's not how you use literally!

Hey, boys...

- how you doing?
- Oh.

Pretty great, actually.
I just got my 60-day chip.

Congrats, two months sober,
that's solid footing.

- And how about you, Rabbi?
- Not a rabbi yet.

- I still have one more year...
- But considering everything,

it sounds like you're both doing great,
which is good,

because I have something to ask you.

- Oh, should we towel off?
- Nope! Nope!

Nobody move. I have some news.

Robert and I have bought a house.

- Congratulations.
- That's great!

Nope. Nope, not where this is going.

You know, back in third grade
when everyone had to take turns

taking care of the class hamster,

because if they didn't, it would have
another stroke or fall down the stairs?

I'm not following.

Dr. Squeaks Medicine Woman
was famously nimble on the stairs.

It has been three years of your mother
living with me and my husband,

and we can't do it anymore,
not if I wanna stay married.

How does Mom feel about this?

She doesn't know.

But once you decide
who's moving in with her,

we can present the whole package.

We're going to bring her solutions,
not problems.

Thanks, boys.

No pressure.

Just try to get me an answer
before the end of the party.

Oh, my God...

Mom's the hamster.

What are you doing?

Well, apparently, I've relieved Robert
of all his guilt by coming here today,

so I'm relieving him of the Baccarat
candy dish he loves so much.

See, this is what I'm worried about.

You didn't deal with your anger,
now your anger's dealing with you.

Does he love these cheese knives?

His cholesterol level is Havarti,
so what do you think?

Hey, put those back!

You wanted me to process?
This is me processing.

Perhaps what you are really
trying to take is all that you've lost.

Oh, sure. Where are
the starfish napkin rings?

More importantly,
where are the SpongeBob coasters

I bought Robert for Hanukkah?

My samovar!

Oh, that's actually mine.

- It is not.
- Babe left it to me when she died.

- Babe left it to me when she died.
- Hey, girls.

- Sol, where are the starfish napkin rings?
- Yeah, where are they?

Uh...

I think you put them in your studio...
the night of our luau.

Huh, I don't remember that.

But I also don't remember the luau,
so you could be right.

You need to stop looking for things!

Well, excuse me. Why?

Because a lot of things aren't here

and... Frankie can't find that out
right now.

I'm afraid to ask.

We're moving into a new house,

but Frankie doesn't know

and Robert's been slowly
moving things out.

You two are unbelievable.
You are still lying to her!

This is the only lie.

Was there a luau?

Two lies.

Better leave it off.

I'm Mallory, and you are?

I'm Barry. I'm the accountant.

Hi, Barry the accountant.
Where's everyone else?

I invited the whole office
and she's gonna be here any minute.

Maybe the e-vite
went to their spam folders.

Okay, but you clearly
got the e-mail, so...

- I have very loose spam filters.
- Okay.

Surprise!

Are you surprised?

Yeah, can I talk to you outside
for a second?

Why are you saying that
like you're going to murder me?

I thought this was just supposed to be
you and me getting high!

That was just a trick, idiot!

You could have at least told me
to wear a bra!

Why? Now we're twinsies.

Is there a chance
Brianna would wanna take Mom?

Yeah, she's in a great mood.
Let's ask her.

It's unfair that Dad asked you,
since you're just out of rehab.

And Mom's penchant
for reggaeton and late-night nachos

aren't exactly conducive
to rabbinical study.

So, I guess it's you.

Me relapsing again versus you buying
some noise-canceling headphones?

Okay, neither one of us
is in an ideal place to take care of her.

Me less so than you, but totally agree.

So... who's gonna tell Dad?

Exactly.

Hi, Mallory!

God, you scared me.

Really, that was scary?

Because our mother is here
wearing Carly Simon's mouth.

It's your 40th birthday.

I couldn't not invite Mom.

But you brought my accountant?

What, were my mammographer
and the shoe guy at Saks

who said I had toaster feet unavailable?

Actually, I invited your whole office.

Jesus, Mallory!

Who would want any of those duds
and sexual lepers at my party?

And why aren't those duds
and sexual lepers at my party?

I'm told it has something to do
with spam filters, so...

Hey, Brianna, quick question.

Happy birthday, by the way. Um...

Do you want to live with my mom?

- Five, four, three...
- Yep, totally understand.

Um...

- We're not having poultry, are we?
- Why, would that be awkward?

Just because they're staring at us
and we can hear them clucking?

No chicken tonight.

As a party planner must,

I anticipated
the discomfort one might feel

from eating something
that is also a guest at the party.

Well, your goldfish guests are extra dead.

No!

No, I just got these today!

They've gone to a better place,
not this party.

No worries. No worries.

I'm just gonna bring out
the spectacular thing that I had planned.

I was going to build to it,
but let's just skip the foreplay,

move right to the orgasm,
and send everyone on their way!

That's the first thing about this party
that reflects who I am.

Good.

No sign of the napkin holders,
but at least now I remember the luau.

Oh, God.

What in God's name are you drinking?

Ah, it's a Brianndy.

It's "Brianna" and "brandy."

Your sister said it was your signature,
uh, birthday cocktail, so...

At this point my signature cocktail
should be whatever John Belushi shot up

at The Chateau Marmont.

Robert likes corn...

Hey, sticky mitts, you don't just take
someone's corn-cob holders.

A family lives here
and we're about to eat corn.

Fine. You keep it. I'll take the samovar.

No. I'm keeping the samovar,
and you can have the damn corn holders.

Sol cuts my corn for me anyway.

Can I ask you something? I need you
to be honest. Can you do that for me?

Unfortunately.

Why are you the only one here from work?
Do they all hate me or something?

I wouldn't say "hate".

- Like?
- You're putting me in a real spot here.

I am a fun boss.

And I'm always shootin' the shit
with the gang.

Maybe the gang...

didn't come to your party
out of respect for your wishes.

You did tell us you didn't want
to celebrate your birthday.

Wanna be mad at someone,
be mad at me for showing up.

Well, I'm not thrilled with you.

And if I'm such a monster,
why are you here?

I guess I just always thought
you were a funny, smart person who...

didn't let her guard down very often.

And no one should be alone
on their birthday, even monsters.

And... teenage boys who aren't weird

just because they're fascinated
by the Lincoln Assassination because...

it's fascinating.

You know something?
You're actually a pretty good guy.

I'm glad you finally noticed.

- What are you doing?
- I'm texting my ex.

Like you said,
no one should be alone on their birthday.

You know, Frankie isn't the only one
that's having a problem with her hand.

This hand gets so tired

lugging around this gigantic
engagement ring that Jack gave me.

Yes, I sold everything you gave me
on "I-Do-Now-I-Don't-dot-com."

It's where everyone gets rid of all
the jewelry they got during their marriage

that now fills them with rage.

You know, you say to me,
"Jack, teak is 2002,

aluminum is too hot,
and wicker is for baskets."

I just sat down.

And I say to you two words:

indoor, outdoor.

Do you think the goldfish talked to Jack
and thought, "What's the point?"

So, Jack... Spain, huh?

Tell us about your trip with Grace.

- We didn't go to Spain.
- Well, not yet.

Thanks a lot, Frankie,
for spoiling that surprise.

We're not really great
traveling companions.

We almost killed each other
on the drive here.

But Grace clearly said
that you went there.

Well, Jack never remembers anything.

Spain? He doesn't remember Spain?

What about that sangria
and all that heterosexual...

Where the hell
are the starfish napkin rings?

I mean, napkin rings don't just get up
and move away without telling you,

- do they, Robert?
- Grace...

No, Robert, you don't get to say "Grace"
like that anymore,

just to shut me up
and make your life easier.

How do you feel about
making my life easier?

Well, how do you feel about
being stabbed with a corn holder?

I'm sorry, everyone. Grace has not done
the hard work of moving on,

so she's still clearly
dealing with her rage.

Well, at least I'm dealing
with a full deck.

You're delusional, Frankie.
They're doing it to you again.

Don't try to break up our happy family

just because you're stuck with
some dullard who's never been to Spain.

Well, at least this very dull man,

who never leaves
his beautifully furnished deck,

isn't secretly moving
into a new house without me.

What are you talking about?

Robert and Sol bought a house.
They're moving in on Tuesday.

Is that true?

No. Wednesday at the earliest.

When were you going to tell me about this?

Well, today, actually, because we wanted
to surprise you with the good news.

One of the boys
is going to move in with you.

- Actually, Dad...
- Uh...

Oh, great.
Now you're trying to pass me off on them?

I can't believe it!

This cannot be happening to me again!

Ta-da!

It isn't a party
until there's a seafood tower!

Uh-oh.

How long have you known this time, Sol?

When did you start looking
for a new house?

Um... let me think...

The day you moved in.

I moved in three years ago!

Ow! Frankie! Ah!

Somehow I knew we'd end up here.

Jack, let's go.

Happy Birthday, Brianna.

I'll just leave them a card.

I mean, their new house,
they must have a patio.

Jack!

- Ah, drop it!
- I think I'll go, uh, cool off the car.

I'm just taking what's mine
and getting the hell out of here.

That is not yours!

Yes, it is.

Babe sent me a letter before she died
saying she wanted me to have it.

Bullshit. She sent me a letter
saying she wanted me to have it!

Bullshit. Just like your life.

Just like your face!

It hasn't settled yet!

Oh, no. No, no!

You don't get to ruin a party
and then walk away with party favors!

I didn't ruin anything.
You did this to yourself.

Oh, really? I did this?

All your processing.

And you managed to end up
right back where you were, but worse.

Oh, and you went from a loveless marriage
to, oh, a loveless marriage.

- That's showin' 'em.
- At least I didn't get stuck in this shit.

How could you have? You ran away.

You think your hand is paralyzed,
you should take a look at your life!

Oh, take a look at yours, Patio Princess!

Every person in that house
was dreading your arrival today.

Well, then they won't mind if I leave.

Oh, you can go, but she's staying.

Who's she?

Babe. She's in the samovar.

It's her new house.

You're telling me
I'm holding my best friend's ashes?

No. You're holding my best friend's ashes.

Well, why the hell didn't you tell me?

When was I supposed to tell you,
when you didn't show up for her funeral?

Well, I wanted to come.

I knew Robert was...

was gonna be there and I just...
I couldn't deal.

Well, you missed a real banger.
The police had to break it up.

I bet.

Why do you think she promised this
to both of us?

I don't know.

She always said
that I should give you a chance.

She told me that, too.

- Well, I guess I should...
- Yeah, me, too.

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna stay here by myself.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably end up
in a retirement village.

You keep her.

Are you sure?

Well, for now.
I'll come back and get her sometime.

Will you?

Frankie!

Frankie!

Grace! Grace!

Ah.

Oh.

Stay there! I'll come to you!

Oh, good.

We need to talk.

You first. No, wait! I'll go first.

I've been doing a lot of thinking
and I wasn't even high.

Me, too. I was a little drunk,
but I think better that way.

Oh, Grace,

I'm sorry about the things I said.

I said terrible things, too, Frankie.

I'm so much better because of you.

Me, too! And not only because
we went through hell together.

No, because...

because we made it back together.

You're my best friend and my partner,
and I... I need you.

Oh, I need you, too.

Ah.

Oh. So, let's go home.

Yeah.
There's just one thing.

Um...

I married Nick last night.

♪ I may not always love you ♪

♪ But long as there are stars above you ♪

♪ You never need to doubt it ♪

♪ I'll make you so sure about it ♪

♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪

♪ If you should ever leave me ♪

♪ Though life would still go on
Believe me ♪

♪ The world could show nothing to me ♪

♪ So what good would living do me? ♪

♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪

Okay, good night.