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1
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♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪
2
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,478
♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪
3
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
4
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,403
♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
5
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:32,282
♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
6
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,036
♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
7
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,998
♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
8
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:43,543
♪ Ooh ♪
9
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,884
What are you wearing?
10
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,304
Brianna,
what are you wearing to the meeting?
11
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,891
Well, they better be
formal basketball shorts.
12
00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,851
Oh.
13
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,647
Uh. It's Nick. Hey, call me
if anything comes up at the hotel, okay?
14
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,566
What's an "upper decker"?
15
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,570
Oh, God, you're disgusting. Bye!
16
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,324
Hey, you.
17
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:19,079
No, I can't do dinner tonight,
but I can do lunch Thursday.
18
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,290
Okay. Then let's make it then.
19
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:24,793
Uh! Oh, I got another call, I got to go.
20
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,170
You, too. Bye.
21
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,131
What, Frankie?
22
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,008
Grace, you were right for once.
23
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,861
Oh, my God,
it's coming from inside the house.
24
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,720
I don't have time for whatever this is.
25
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:39,015
Excuse me, madame.
Don't you have a moment for Vybrant?
26
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,393
Also, you have to talk to me.
It's in your planner.
27
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:45,188
You can't go in my planner
and write "Frankie Bergstein"
28
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,065
across Monday to Friday.
29
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,525
Sure can.
30
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,569
You're also scheduled
for a big kiss on the mouth later.
31
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:56,366
But right now, exciting business talk.
32
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,535
Oh, it sounds like just more work for me.
33
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,703
I don't have time for more work for me.
34
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,414
No, doy. That's why you've got me.
35
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,711
The Ménage à Moi was only halfway
to the moon, so why did we stop...
36
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,422
Frankie, please,
no more half-baked ideas.
37
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,216
Fresh-baked.
38
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,968
Really plump and fluffy.
39
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:18,930
I need help with the flat, unleavened
small things that have to get done.
40
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:20,974
Well, I'm more a big idea person.
41
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:24,477
Like my idea for hands that come out
of the wall to rub your shoulders.
42
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,229
Whose hands, you might wonder?
43
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,399
Well, here's where it gets
really exciting...
44
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,567
Yeah, Frankie!
45
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,528
Fine, let's sit down and put together
46
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,697
- a list of the small stuff.
- Oh, here.
47
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:40,450
Bye.
48
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,707
We're out of toilet paper.
49
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,211
Why do we give him
a ride to school every day?
50
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,797
- Because he works there.
- I have a name.
51
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,507
Why doesn't he have a car?
52
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,968
Same reason you can't have fireworks.
53
00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:01,097
Mom, my diorama for Mr. DeGara's class
is due tomorrow.
54
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,391
Well, then you better finish it today.
55
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,353
Then someone needs to take me
to the craft store.
56
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,606
Can you even drive?
57
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,607
Can you?
58
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,610
We have all the supplies
you could ever want at home.
59
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:14,527
Like what?
60
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,322
Like anything you can find. Be creative.
61
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,282
- Not with my stuff.
- Or my stuff.
62
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,910
Use anything that isn't his or his.
63
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,122
Everyone got their lunches?
64
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,486
- Yes.
- Yep.
65
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,540
Damn it.
66
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,294
All right, everyone out.
67
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:37,050
Do you mind swinging around back so
the kids don't see you dropping me off?
68
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,218
Get out.
69
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:48,394
Grace has never before
given me the reins of Vybrant,
70
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,023
so we must treat this
with the utmost seriousness.
71
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,275
No shirking, no procrastinating,
72
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,277
and no reinventing the wheel,
73
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,988
unless, of course,
you have a great new wheel idea.
74
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,575
Now then, onto the first item...
75
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,245
Label and ship packages.
76
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,747
Oh, for Pharrell's sake.
77
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,876
Why can't you just paint two "X" s
on my eyes and bury me at sea?
78
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,505
- I'll just put a "no" next to it, darling.
- No, we can't do that.
79
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,216
But we can put it off till the end
because it sucks.
80
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,761
Now, item number two:
81
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,763
customer service's emails.
82
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,306
I'm on it.
83
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:28,184
May I use coarse language, if warranted?
84
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:33,273
You may, and I will start with
what should have been our number one:
85
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,066
fixing the website picture.
86
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:38,278
- What's wrong with the website picture?
- I'd just done
87
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,904
the Cinnamon Challenge.
88
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,196
Okay.
89
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,283
Oh, this will do.
90
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:46,911
I will just highlight here and copy
91
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,956
and drag here and all set.
92
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:53,084
God, there are so many
customer service emails.
93
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,712
- Oh, our customers love us!
- Not today, dear.
94
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:59,590
They can't find the website anymore
and no one can order anything.
95
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:00,883
You know, it's very sad,
96
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,887
some older folks just don't always know
how to use the Internet.
97
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,599
Let me just go to our website and...
98
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,146
What happened? Something's wrong
with my computer. Try yours.
99
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,774
It won't come up on mine either.
100
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:20,987
Okay, not time to panic yet.
Maybe the whole Internet is down.
101
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:23,948
Quick, search "funny elephant videos."
102
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,575
See if anything comes up.
103
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,328
Eight million results.
104
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,287
Eight?!
105
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,289
Oh, that's more than last time...
106
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,166
No! I mustn't.
107
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,584
Um...
108
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,461
We need to fix what we broke.
109
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:37,920
How do I undo this?
110
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,756
I'll try undo.
111
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:41,883
Undo.
112
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,428
Undo.
113
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:51,225
Undo, undo, undo, undo...
114
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,811
Hold on, darling. Magic touch.
115
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:54,896
Undo!
116
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,523
May I use coarse language?
117
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,649
Ugh.
118
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,361
Grace is gonna kill me.
119
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,528
Foot.
120
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,447
- Oh, you good boy.
- Hi.
121
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,656
Oh, hi.
122
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,325
Another bad rehearsal?
123
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,535
Peter certainly thought so.
124
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,996
Unless "you all suck"
has a double meaning.
125
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,375
Well, I know something
that will cheer you up.
126
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:20,129
I finally stood up to Ozzy
at Ozzy's Dry Cleaners.
127
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,756
You did? That's great.
128
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,759
I know.
129
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,178
I demanded to be accommodated
130
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,597
- and accommodated I was.
- So...
131
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,184
We are now the proud owners
of a stack of "free shirt-clean" coupons.
132
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:36,270
- That's very good, Sol, but what will we...
- Excuse me.
133
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,731
You keep interrupting my story.
I'm not finished.
134
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,317
It wasn't over?
The coupons weren't the climax?
135
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,443
No, there's a twist.
136
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:46,447
The coupons were stuck together,
so we got twice as many.
137
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,202
That's it. I'm done.
138
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,121
Oh. Well, that's great.
139
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,915
Sounds like you had a very successful day.
140
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,417
What are we doing for dinner?
141
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,836
I don't know.
I hadn't even thought about it.
142
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,462
Is there another story?
143
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:04,215
Nope, just the great one I told you.
144
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,758
So, what are we doing for dinner?
145
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,677
Why do you assume
that I took care of dinner?
146
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,472
Because you're the one who's home now
and you always take care of dinner.
147
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:15,643
Well, now sometimes I'm raising hell
at the dry cleaners,
148
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:18,438
and I don't always do anything.
149
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:23,401
Come on, Carl.
150
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,779
You're lucky I had two lunches!
151
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,324
We could stay
until the crack of dawn
152
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,994
or let Brianna deal with this
when she gets back.
153
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,079
What's our excuse for not getting it done?
154
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,457
Uh, you're old and I'm not getting paid?
155
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,251
- You're not getting paid?
- You are?
156
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,080
No, we... We need to finish.
157
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,755
We can't put it off till tomorrow.
There'll just be more.
158
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,633
- I have kids.
- Yeah, so do I.
159
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,469
That's why I'm in this mess.
160
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,636
Ahoy, mateys.
161
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,306
Oh, God. What are you two here for?
162
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,016
Just wanted to talk to you
163
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:58,144
some place where you couldn't be
loud and violent...
164
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,227
matey.
165
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:00,855
What did you do?
166
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:05,568
Actually, it was while doing some
extra credit on our homepage, I found...
167
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,653
Are you obsessing
about that picture again?
168
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,656
It's a bad picture of me and you know it!
169
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,534
Well, you wouldn't stop
eating all the cinnamon!
170
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,203
- Oh, I can just...
- Uh...
171
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,539
- Okay. You got it.
- So what am I about to yell at you for?
172
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,082
No biggie.
173
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,502
Our website disappeared
from the Internet...
174
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,213
which is space, I think.
175
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,090
What? How does that even happen?
176
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,759
Oh, how does anything happen?
177
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,137
Oh, it looks like one of you
forgot to pay the domain lease.
178
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,389
I don't know what that is,
so it couldn't be me.
179
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,473
I paid it!
180
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,142
Uh... not last month.
181
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:41,354
Or the month before that.
Or the month before that.
182
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,439
Isn't this delicious?
183
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,567
Little Miss Incredible... falters
184
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,238
and leaves the Madwoman of La Jolla
to pick up the pieces.
185
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,574
You never pay your bills on time
and you manage.
186
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:56,118
I'll pay what's outstanding.
Everything's gonna be fine.
187
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,889
Actually, when you didn't pay,
the website became available for purchase
188
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,791
and someone bought it.
189
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,626
Who would want our website?
190
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,963
Someone who wants to sell it back to you
for more money. Happens all the time.
191
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,424
Oh, it's true.
I used to be in the domain-name game,
192
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:14,262
until I lost Cars-dot-com
in a vicious bridge tournament.
193
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,974
So, we just need to find
whatever Internet nerd did this
194
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,351
and cut them a check.
195
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:27,400
Well, apparently the Internet nerd's
name is Howard Kassembaum.
196
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,901
Who the hell is Howard Kassembaum?
197
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:31,404
Howard from Walden Villas.
198
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,321
You know him.
199
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,198
The food toucher with the walker.
200
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,618
I caught him once with a fist
in the Thousand Island.
201
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:39,912
He stole our website?
202
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,165
If you want, I know a guy
who can break his food-touchers.
203
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:47,086
But one of you has to phone him.
He thinks I'm dead.
204
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,178
Coyote,
come see my diorama I made.
205
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,097
Uh... I'm kind of late for the...
206
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,640
Come on! Come on! Come on!
207
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,768
Okay.
208
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,938
- Which one's yours?
- That one.
209
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:11,736
Wow, Madison.
That Secret Garden is really good.
210
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,779
That's stupid Kaitlyn's.
211
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,489
Mine's Little House on the Prairie.
212
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,241
Oh, wow.
213
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,118
Oh... wow.
214
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,956
- Has your mom seen this?
- Nope.
215
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,291
Okay.
216
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,126
Cool.
217
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:31,422
Where did you get the fancy fence posts?
218
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,257
From Mommy's secret cabinet.
219
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,468
Awesome.
220
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:42,350
Last night's drama is not something
I want to relive either.
221
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:46,187
I really hope you like this.
222
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:55,696
I put in extra eggs and sardines
for a shiny coat.
223
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,117
Sit.
224
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,703
Down.
225
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,080
Leave it.
226
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:14,757
Okay!
227
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,395
- Hey, Bud.
- Hey, Dad.
228
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:30,815
First, hells yes, I'd like
some free shirt-clean coupons.
229
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:34,110
- That was such a great story.
- I knew that was a great story.
230
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:37,238
And just wanted to double check
Jeff and Peter got Allison's list
231
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,782
of don'ts and don'ts
for tomorrow's tasting.
232
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,700
They sure did!
233
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:44,161
Jeff wants to know
if caviar counts as eggs,
234
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,622
and Peter wants to know
if she's fucking kidding.
235
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,300
I don't want any problems.
236
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,803
He couldn't cater your law firm events.
237
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,347
Well, he doesn't know that.
238
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,599
You can call him if you want.
239
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,767
Do it.
240
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,901
Okay. See you both tomorrow. Bye.
241
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739
Oh.
242
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,365
Robert, you're eating that.
243
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,492
I know. I'm sorry. I should've waited.
244
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,703
- No, it's not that...
- I'm sorry about yesterday.
245
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:29,457
It was childish to take
my theater frustrations out on you.
246
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:34,086
This was so nice and not assumed
and not expected in any way,
247
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,213
but I definitely still appreciate it.
248
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,257
- Thank you.
- You're eating dog food.
249
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,396
Why haven't you been
answering your phone?
250
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,732
Shit. My phone was on vibrate.
251
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:58,027
- Why? What's wrong?
- I don't know how to tell you this,
252
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:02,072
but Madison's
Little House on the Prairie diorama
253
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,992
has a fence posts made out of joints.
254
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,163
Oh, no. Oh, no.
255
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:11,832
Since when do you
have weed in the house?
256
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,168
Brianna gave me some, but I... I hid it.
257
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,921
That's good, 'cause kids never look
for things that are hidden.
258
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:18,839
Why didn't you take them out?
259
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:22,384
Because the case was locked
and they still won't give me any keys.
260
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,013
Shit, it's the school.
261
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,641
Oh, hey, um,
when you're in the principal's office,
262
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,142
say good things about me.
263
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,353
Just if it comes up.
264
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,274
Hello?
265
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,822
Okay, this is my mistake. I'll fix it.
You follow my lead.
266
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,282
I know. Good cop, bad cop.
267
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,077
No. I am all the cops.
268
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,162
You're a civilian ride-along.
269
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,249
Either come in or go away!
270
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:07,137
Well, lookie, who's here.
271
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:11,141
I thought they threw the two of you
out of this place.
272
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,352
They didn't throw us out. We broke out.
273
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,229
And now, technically, we're banned.
274
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,022
Hey, ride-along, zip it.
275
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,942
What will it cost
to get our domain back?
276
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,445
I really have the two of you
over a barrel.
277
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,115
Well, he's got us there.
We need our website back
278
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,843
and we'll pay anything for it.
279
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,036
I'm starting to get why you paid
so much for your car.
280
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,080
How much do you want?
281
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,499
Well, I could ask you for anything.
282
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,210
A company's not a company
without a website.
283
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,047
Howard, I will tie you up
in lawsuits for the rest of time.
284
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,299
Time.
285
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,802
There's not so much of that ahead,
is there?
286
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,929
Be my guest!
287
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:53,100
Maybe we should stay and have some tea.
288
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:56,186
I don't have time to have tea
with this tuft of ear hair.
289
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,230
If you want tea,
make it yourself!
290
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,149
You got it!
291
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,734
Do you trust me?
292
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,320
Situationally, yes.
293
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,322
Then trust me in this situation.
294
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,365
Give me 15 minutes with this guy.
295
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,910
Go visit Arlene. I'll be right there.
296
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,536
Fine.
297
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,999
Look, I know things can't get worse,
but please, don't find a way.
298
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,168
Life always finds a way.
299
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,717
A li'l girl bringing pot to school
is bad, but it isn't Madison's fault.
300
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,637
The weed isn't hers. It's mine,
'cause I'm stressed out right now,
301
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,514
but I didn't have any
before my daughter used it in her diorama,
302
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,309
which I should've done for her
like all the other mothers do, so
303
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:38,270
I also apologize for
the substandard quality of her diorama,
304
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,522
which also makes me a terrible mother.
I'm sorry.
305
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,442
Hi. I'm Madison's mother, Mallory.
306
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,986
Was that one long sentence?
307
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,280
I think so. Yeah.
308
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,533
Wow, um...
309
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,954
Well, I have, uh, one short sentence:
310
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,789
Madison is suspended.
311
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,457
Suspended?
312
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,793
Wait. Do you feel like that's too harsh?
313
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:04,838
Yes! Isn't suspension for kids
who know they did something wrong?
314
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,757
Madison was just making a fence.
315
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,509
Huh. Uh...
316
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,971
What seems like a fair punishment to you?
317
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,848
Don't know, but if anyone
should be punished it should be me.
318
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,267
Because, apparently,
I'm just that cliché single mom
319
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:20,312
who doesn't have time
to help her kids with their projects.
320
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,648
Oh, well, I get it. I'm single, too.
321
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,692
At least you didn't help her
with the diorama
322
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,028
'cause these mothers clearly do
all their kid's homework for them.
323
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,280
There was this one diorama
for The Secret Garden
324
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,616
that could've been a float
in the Rose Bowl Parade.
325
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,493
Besides, pot's legal now.
326
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:36,662
I mean...
327
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,039
Not for kids, but, you know?
328
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,709
Was that all one sentence?
329
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,669
It was.
330
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,631
Maybe I can make up for this
331
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,552
by coming in and volunteering
for hot lunch on Fridays?
332
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:54,930
Friday lunch duty is the worst!
333
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,932
I know.
334
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,560
That should work.
335
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:00,853
Okay.
336
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:02,896
Oh, uh...
337
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,608
Don't... forget your stash.
338
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:09,945
Uh...
339
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:13,615
Shh.
340
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:14,908
- It's...
- Uh...
341
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,870
- Yeah, that wasn't glued correctly.
- Umm.
342
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,205
It's so important
for the structural integrity,
343
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,708
and I smoked it last night.
344
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,960
It was a rough one yesterday.
345
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,254
I understand.
346
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,760
And, of course, as punishment for myself,
347
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:35,471
I will also be doing hot lunch on Friday.
348
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,974
Well, I guess I will see you there.
349
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,350
I guess you will.
350
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,147
Oh, what a nice surprise!
351
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,440
Can I get you something?
352
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:49,151
- Oh, God, yes. Coffee, please.
- Oh.
353
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,488
Well, I think I have some instant...
354
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:56,283
...from the person
who lived here before me.
355
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,952
Now where the hell is it?
Ah!
356
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,329
Oh.
357
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,956
- Adderall? Do you take this?
- Oh, no.
358
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,709
Uh... Not anymore.
359
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:10,589
They tried giving that to me when I first
had my memory problems, but I hated it.
360
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,674
Well, why do you still have it?
361
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,303
Well, all my pharmacy information
is on the bottle. Very handy.
362
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:20,599
Oh, yeah. I think my grandson,
what's-his-name, takes that.
363
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:24,728
It's terrible.
It kept me up for two days straight.
364
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,146
That doesn't sound so bad.
365
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,397
Wh... Ugh.
366
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,733
Last week,
I fell asleep at dinner with Nick.
367
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,320
I mean, he was so sweet about it,
but I felt horrible.
368
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,030
The waiter thought I was dead.
369
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,576
Oh, my God!
I'm supposed to have lunch with Nick.
370
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,246
Five minutes ago!
I forgot to cancel.
371
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,207
Well... uh... uh... blame it on me.
372
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,251
Uh... uh... Tell him I fell.
373
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,128
Uh, tell him I died.
374
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,880
Oh, no, leave me out of it.
375
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:59,471
You got about five minutes before
I take my pants off and watch The View.
376
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,014
You and me both, pal.
377
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,432
What are you looking for?
378
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:05,060
I'm looking for what this case
is really about,
379
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,937
because it's not about money.
380
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,355
This is a case?
381
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,024
Yes, Howard.
382
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:16,321
You see, I'm an amateur sleuth
with a degree in detectorology.
383
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,614
Observe.
384
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,616
That's a cross on the wall.
385
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,535
It can mean only one thing:
386
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,787
you are a religious freak
387
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:28,083
who can't stand the thought
of older people pleasuring themselves.
388
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,918
It's a "T" for Texas.
389
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,295
Ah-ha.
390
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:37,176
So, it's about a love you had once
as a young man in Texas.
391
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,427
I got it on vacation.
392
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:42,890
Ah-ha. So, it was on vacation, years ago,
393
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,933
when you were forever hurt
394
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,769
by a woman named... Vybrant!
395
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:51,773
you know, you stealing that golf cart
396
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,568
is really starting to make sense to me.
397
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,112
Oh, our tea's ready!
398
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,451
So it's the first time
we've ever cooked something
399
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,370
under the supervision of a doctor,
but here goes...
400
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,372
Don't worry. I came prepared.
401
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,207
Oh!
402
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,418
- Hmm.
- You won't need EpiPens
403
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,630
'cause I'm sure Jeff and Peter
understood how serious your allergies are.
404
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,340
Mm-hmm.
405
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,800
Because adult allergies are real.
406
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:23,138
Ah! This is a tasting, Robert,
not a casino buffet line.
407
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:27,017
Oh, great,
more things that aren't my dinner.
408
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,102
You're like a gay Ralph Kramden.
409
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:34,566
Uh, here we have a homemade ube chip
with line-caught Skipjack
410
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:37,194
and an activated charcoal glaze.
411
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,364
- Ooh. Hello.
- What type of oil is in that ube chip?
412
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:43,075
Oh, I think it's...
413
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,410
We didn't use oil in these.
414
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,454
You should skip that one,
to be safe.
415
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,623
You sure? They're delicious.
416
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,667
Robert, she's passing on it.
417
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,461
Don't bulldoze her into something
she doesn't wanna eat.
418
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,463
No, it's okay. I'll try it.
419
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:59,716
Let's be honest, at some point tonight,
one of you will stab me with a pen.
420
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,427
Nobody's going to be
stabbing anyone with anything.
421
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:03,595
We'll see.
422
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,515
But they're not even sure
what type of oil they used.
423
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:10,894
Sol, would you please let the food experts
handle the tasting?
424
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,522
Okay, but we're having a tasting
425
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,482
with someone whose allergies
426
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:18,694
were documented
in The New England Journal of Medicine.
427
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,070
- July 2012.
- The cover.
428
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,822
It was the cover.
429
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:26,285
So, forgive me if I'm a little protective
of the mother of my granddaughter.
430
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,911
She's not eating that.
431
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,162
So next.
432
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:30,664
Guess this is my dinner.
433
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:33,333
Oh, yes, Robert,
as long as you get your dinner.
434
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,502
Guys, can something
that's supposed to be about me
435
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,879
actually be about me for once?
436
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,089
And Allison.
437
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,800
This is about me and Allison.
Mostly Allison.
438
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:46,263
You wanted a tasting? This is a taste
of what a real marriage is like!
439
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:48,724
We did use oil! Sunflower oil!
440
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,017
I can't have that.
441
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,060
- They're past it now, dear.
- Well...
442
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,979
Robert's just acting childish
443
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:57,774
because I didn't make his dinner
two nights in a row.
444
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,860
It's not because
you didn't make my dinner.
445
00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:02,321
It's because you changed
the rules about dinner
446
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,072
without even talking to me about it.
447
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,908
You admitted you were taking
your frustrations out on me.
448
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,786
I said 'cause I thought
you'd made me an apology dinner!
449
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:13,498
And why would I do that?
I have nothing to apologize for!
450
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,083
This does not seem to be ending.
451
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,002
Like when you explain Star Wars.
452
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:18,337
Shall we?
453
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,172
We could come back another day.
454
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,467
You'd have to pay us all over again,
but we'd be happy to come back.
455
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:26,011
Do you accept dry-cleaner coupons?
456
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:27,471
You got more coupons?
457
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:31,350
Everyone wants the coupons.
No one's willing to work for 'em.
458
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:34,436
What is going on with you?
You've been impossible lately.
459
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,980
I'm not impossible. I'm just evolving,
460
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,565
and I like the new me.
461
00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:40,609
The new me gets results.
462
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,363
Sol, it's not like you were exactly
a wallflower to begin with.
463
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,741
I've wasted a lot of time
going along with what you wanted...
464
00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:49,576
or what Frankie wanted.
465
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,411
I don't want to do it anymore.
466
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:55,207
Can't you do that and still act
like the same old, sweet Sol?
467
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:57,709
I kind of like the bitchy Sol.
468
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,879
Jeff, thanks for enjoying my many facets.
469
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:03,090
Mm. What's in the slow cooker?
470
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:06,385
It is delicious. Mm. Mm. Mm.
471
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:10,764
I always think of you
as my friend who does it all,
472
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,935
but do you think maybe
you're doing too much?
473
00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:16,144
Yeah, I know.
474
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:17,979
I don't know what to do about it.
475
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,564
You could choose not to do it.
476
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,025
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
477
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,361
You could do less
of what you're doing now.
478
00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:26,071
You're really not being clear.
479
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:30,325
Uh, you know what I did today?
480
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,702
I had breakfast and then you came over.
481
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:36,164
Oh, that sounds so luxurious.
482
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,792
Tell me more about what you don't do.
483
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:43,213
Well, uh, I don't do anything
between lunch and my afternoon walk.
484
00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:44,840
Ah.
485
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:46,842
And after my walk, it's a nap.
486
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:50,303
And then my day really clears up.
487
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,722
Unless I have plans with Don.
488
00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:55,308
- Don?
- Mm.
489
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:57,144
My new beau.
490
00:23:57,227 --> 00:24:00,272
Now there's a guy who loves to do nothing.
491
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:02,816
We're planning a trip to Barbados
492
00:24:02,899 --> 00:24:04,985
and we're not gonna do it all.
493
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:09,489
Nick wants to go away, too,
but who has the time?
494
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:14,744
Honestly, at our age,
who has the time not to?
495
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:21,293
Hmm. Nice photos.
496
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:23,503
Meh. I don't love travelling.
497
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:26,381
- Seems like you did at one point.
- Hmm.
498
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,718
Just like you used to like
to go to the cafeteria.
499
00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:34,222
But those trays tell me
that you now eat your meals alone.
500
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:37,976
Perhaps because
you've gone from a walker...
501
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,061
to this wheelchair!
502
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,730
Hey, I was drying that.
503
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:43,190
Sorry.
504
00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:47,861
Looks like someone's
been hitting this button a lot.
505
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:48,987
So what?
506
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:51,656
As much as I, too, hear the siren song
507
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,242
- of the un-pushed button...
- Yeah.
508
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:59,247
...I think you stole our domain name
so that this would happen.
509
00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:03,376
So you'd act crazy
and spill hot water all over my kitchen?
510
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:10,342
You know, Howard, I knew a guy once
who was a lot like you.
511
00:25:11,384 --> 00:25:16,139
He took people on a three-hour tour,
deliberately crashed his boat.
512
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:17,807
He sounds like a jerk.
513
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:21,102
No, he was just a little lonely.
514
00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:25,315
You don't have to crash a boat
or steal a website
515
00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:28,693
- to get someone to hang out with you.
- Says you.
516
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,195
You got a partner,
517
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,197
a friend,
518
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,865
or whatever else she is.
519
00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:34,991
Wife.
520
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,952
I had one of those.
521
00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:38,119
Yeah? Tell me about her.
522
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:39,371
She was awful.
523
00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:42,415
We were married 57 years.
524
00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:44,167
Sounds like you were lucky.
525
00:25:44,251 --> 00:25:48,421
Look at me. I won the lottery.
526
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:57,514
So, there I was, back against the wall,
facing Howard down,
527
00:25:57,597 --> 00:26:00,183
alone without anyone to guard my flank...
528
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,978
- Arlene, have you seen Dunkirk?
- I have not.
529
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:07,315
Oh, it'd be so much easier to explain
what happened if you've seen it.
530
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:10,110
- You wanna watch it?
- Did you get our domain name back?
531
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:11,987
Oh, sorry, buried the lede.
532
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,281
Yes. And you know what that means?
533
00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:16,324
You'll have to listen
to all my new ideas!
534
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:17,909
Let's schedule a meeting.
535
00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:20,453
Block off a good three to seven hours.
536
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:21,913
That'll be the pre-meeting.
537
00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,749
Oh, my God.
I regret everything I have ever done.
538
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:27,669
So, Arlene, where was I? Dunkirk.
Never seen it.
539
00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:28,878
Yes, you have!
540
00:26:30,046 --> 00:26:31,423
Did I like it?
541
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:34,731
So, all he wanted was a friend.
542
00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:37,971
Someone to talk to
and pay attention to him.
543
00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:39,222
Oh.
544
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:42,100
That's good. I thought you
were gonna make him our CEO.
545
00:26:42,183 --> 00:26:44,561
No, I made him our IT guy.
546
00:26:44,644 --> 00:26:47,022
We don't need an IT guy.
547
00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:50,734
Sometimes you hire an IT guy
'cause he needs you.
548
00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:53,778
- You don't, but I get your point.
- Hmm.
549
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:57,490
Well, congratulations, Frankie.
You cracked the case.
550
00:26:57,574 --> 00:26:59,618
Cheese and rice, I surely did.
551
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:04,789
All right. Let's go to Dave & Buster's
and do Fireball shots.
552
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:07,626
Gosh, horrible as that sounds...
553
00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,628
we have work to do.
554
00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:12,255
Oh, God, I've got to call Mallory.
555
00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:15,675
And I really should see Nick.
556
00:27:18,595 --> 00:27:19,429
Um...
557
00:27:19,512 --> 00:27:21,681
- Would you pass me that water over there?
- Hmm.
558
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:26,311
♪ Don't let nobody tell you
How to live your life ♪
559
00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:31,816
♪ They'll turn you 'round
Before you see the light ♪
560
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:37,405
♪ Tell me how they're gonna know
What you're supposed to do... ♪
561
00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:40,659
So, that's a soft yes on D&B's?
562
00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:44,663
Come on!
563
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,665
I thought you'd never ask.
564
00:27:46,748 --> 00:27:50,377
♪ Stand at the mountain
You'll never get high ♪
565
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:53,296
♪ If you're afraid to try ♪
566
00:27:58,385 --> 00:28:02,806
♪ Just a little boy from a country town ♪
567
00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:08,103
♪ When he was singing songs
Daddy put him down ♪
568
00:28:10,271 --> 00:28:15,318
♪ He told him
Don't you cross that county line ♪
569
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:20,407
♪ So he packed his things
and said, "What's mine is mine"
570
00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:28,373
♪ Sitting by the highway
Just waiting for the ride ♪
571
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:32,836
♪ Stand at the mountain
You'll never get high ♪
572
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,714
♪ If you're afraid to try ♪
573
00:28:37,632 --> 00:28:39,217
Okay, good night.
43513
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