Original subtitles

Harriette.

Harriette, you're supposed to paint with the grain. Everybody knows that.

Oh.

You mean like this?

No. Actually, I meant more like this.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

I am ashamed of you two.

Instead of fighting, you should be cooperating.

Show a little team work, for goodness' sake.

Oh, real mature.

- En garde! Come on. - Aah!

Watch it. Watch it. Watch it.

Hey, hey. Okay, okay.

Truce. Truce. Heh. I'm outnumbered here.

I don't wanna get any paint on this uniform.

Hi, guys.

Oh, did I do that?

Dad, what are you doing?

Oh, just a Winslow tradition. It's called "breakfast."

No, no, no. See, you were supposed to be taking me to get my driver's license today.

Oh, yeah.

Any particular rush?

Dad, I've been 16 for 27 hours now.

If I don't get my license by the end of the day...

I'll get picked up by the Geek Patrol.

Well, now, we wouldn't want that.

Besides, I, uh, heh, sort of promised Jolene

that I'd take her for a spin this afternoon.

A girl enters the picture.

Yeah. So let's hurry up before she's out of the picture.

Well, son, I think it might be wise to, uh, take a little test drive first.

Why? You've checked me out a billion times...

and you said yourself that I'm a great driver.

Yes, but that was the opinion of Carl Winslow, Super Dad.

Now I'll pretend to be Joe Blow, Super Picky DMV Examiner Guy.

- What? - Sure.

Son, these DMV types can be real tricky.

I mean, either they try to rattle you, or they're sticklers for the rules.

Now, you, you've gotta be rattle- and stickle-proof.

- Really? - Sure.

Son, I realize how much you want your license...

and I'm gonna make sure that you get it.

Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

Hey, I try.

- So, uh, heh, you wanna get dressed now? - Oh, no can do.

- Why not? - Because I'm way ahead of you.

- How am I doing, Dad? - Fine, fine, fine.

But I'm not your dad.

Oops. Does Mom know? Ha-ha-ha!

I'm your DMV examiner.

And I just docked you two points for inappropriate levity.

Yes, sir.

- All right, make the right turn here. - Right turn. I'm on it.

Hitting the blinker.

Gently applying the brake.

Hanging the Ralph.

And, yes, the kid does it.

Very good, very good.

Watch out for that bread truck!

What bread truck? I didn't see a bread truck.

There could've been a bread truck. If there had been...

you would've hit the bread truck. Your turn was wide.

I'm deducting five points.

- I'm down seven points already? - Yep.

Man, you're tough.

Hey, I didn't get this job by being pretty.

Anyway, you lose two more points, it's back to your bicycle for you.

All right. Come on, come on, come on.

All right, mirror check.

Eyes on the road.

Watch your blind spot.

- What's your speed? - Um...

Eyes on the road.

Okay, now pull over.

Ah, 12 inches from the curb. Watch the fire hydrant. Okay, stop, stop, stop.

I'm proud of you, son. You hung tough.

I think you're ready for the real test now.

Thanks. But just one thing, Dad.

- What's that? - Could you drive us there?

And there he is, Eddie Andretti. Did you pass the test?

Maybe that's none of your business.

Oh, you flunked, huh?

Bigtime. Didn't Dad tell you?

No. He just came home all upset, but he didn't say why.

- We had a fight at the DMV. - Because you flunked?

Because he made me flunk. Laura, Dad got me so nervous...

that, all through the test, I kept seeing runaway bread trucks.

- Didn't the examiner try to calm you down? - Nope.

He made me let him out, and he took the bus back.

Hi, Eddie.

Jolene. Hi.

So...?

So...?

Oh. Oh, the test. Right. Heh.

Well, did you pass? Did you get your license?

Did I get my license? Ha, ha!

Did I get my license?

Laura, she wants to know if I got my license.

Did you get your license?

What do you think?

Oh, you did it.

Congratulations, Binky Bear.

Thanks, Winky Bear.

Let's go for our first ride together.

- Right now? - Yeah, now, now.

- Sorry, gotta rain-check that one, babe. - Why?

Uh, because I want everything to be perfect for our first ride.

Uh, heh, I gotta get some new clothes.

I gotta wash the car. I gotta go to the dentist.

Eddie, you're stalling. Take me for a ride.

Hop in.

Eddie, are you nuts? Dad's gonna kill you.

Not if he doesn't find out.

And he won't find out, will he?

Not from me, Binky Bear.

Laura. Laura, please?

Please, my little Rapunzel?

For the last time, Steve, I will not give you a lock of my hair.

I'll settle for a toe-nail clipping.

- How can you be so disgusting? - It's a gift.

I'm going to my bedroom.

Hmm.

Don't even think about it.

I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting?

Let me know when Eddie gets back.

He's back.

- Eddie, are you okay? - I think so.

- How about you Jolene? - Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

Nice move, Binky Bear.

All right. Now, how in Sam Hill did this happen?

- I freaked. - I'll say.

We're about to pull in the driveway, and we get passed by a bread truck.

Next thing I know, we're side-swiping a coffee table.

Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, will you look at the time?

Oh. Laura

Dad is gonna kill me when he sees this.

I'm dead meat.

Now, relax, Eddie. You had an accident. Carl will understand.

Right. Dad will understand.

What...? Who...?

What...? What...? Who...?

Carl, Carl, Carl. Calm down.

Harriette, there is a car in the living room.

Yeah. Look, I know. I...

Harriette, there is a car in the living room.

- Carl, don't overreact. - Overreact?

Harriette, there is a car in the living room!

Well, at least we know where it is.

- Edward. - Yes, Dad?

Edward. Go to your room.

Go to your room. Lock the doors and the windows.

- He's not gonna try to get out. - That's so I can't get in!

Carl, Carl, Carl!

Carl, you have every right to be as mad as a rabid dog.

But you're spraying your slobber on the wrong guy.

Eddie didn't total your house, I did.

You?

You?

Him?

Carl! Carl!

Why?

I don't know, Carl. I guess I'm just bad.

Bad to the bone.

- What? - You know my kind, Carl.

We live for speed, kicks.

Thrills and spills.

"Danger" is my middle name.

Oh, well, actually, it's "Quincy," but you guys get the picture.

Come again?

Thanks. I didn't think you'd invite me after this.

Steve. Steve.

I think, for your sake, you... You...

You better go home now. Quickly.

Yes, sir.

And, Steve, I will be calling your father on this.

Okay. But I have to warn you, my dad's latest hobby is pantomime.

So if no one answers, it's him.

Get out!

- Steve, wait. - Yeah, Eddo?

Why did you take the rap?

Well, a quick appraisal of the situation...

led me to believe that Carl was about to become a human Krakatoa.

So I decided to be the sacrificial Urkel.

But Dad's gonna call your parents. Won't they punish you?

Yeah. They might ground me. They may even cut off my allowance.

Ooh. They may even cancel my bagpipe recital.

But I can handle it.

But still, why are you sticking your neck out for me?

Because we're buddies, Eddie, and buddies help each other out, right?

Yeah, but...

Hey, you'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?

- Yeah, sure. - I thought so.

Farewell, my wee bonny lass.

I need more juice. You want some, Richie?

- Thanks. Fill her up. - Okay.

Eddie, you have done some low things...

but letting Steve take the blame is a new high low.

Look, I'll figure out a way to pay his parents back for all the damages.

Relax. Everything's cool.

Hi, guys.

- Steve, what's with the uniform? - It's my punishment.

Weren't your old clothes punishment enough?

No, sweetness. My parents have decided to send me off to military school.

You're kidding.

'Tis no jest, my fair maiden.

I'm afraid Ma and Pa Urkel were pushed over the edge...

by this car-in-the-living-room thing.

Isn't there some way to change their minds?

I tried. I begged, I pleaded, I mimed.

But I failed.

- Eddie, you can't let this happen. - I know, Laura, I know.

I'm afraid it's a fait accompli, mon chéri.

But perhaps four frightening years of military school can actually be beneficial.

I can pump up the old bod.

Here, Eddie.

- A new mitt? - Yeah. I bought them a couple years ago...

and hoped that we could play catch sometime.

Unfortunately, you were never able to fit it into your busy schedule.

So now I want you to have them as a little going-away gift.

Thanks, Steve.

Laura.

Well, it's so hard for me to say goodbye to you.

My heart knows the words, they just won't pump up to my lips.

I guess I'm just clogged with emotional cholesterol.

Oh, I... I love you, Laura.

Goodbyes are murder on the sinuses.

Steve, wait here.

I have a few precious mementos I'd like you to remember me by.

I'd like you to have my first pair of baby shoes.

Dad?

- Yeah? - You busy?

No. Just blowing up this balloon for little Richie, for the last half-hour.

Um, do you remember that hole in the living room?

Oh.

You mean the one the size of a station wagon?

That's it. Heh-heh.

Uh, Steve didn't put it there.

I did.

Oh?

Steve was covering for me, Dad.

I see. Ahem.

Now, let me get this straight.

You drove the car, without a valid license...

right through the front door...

and let somebody else take the rap?

Dad, I was too embarrassed to tell Jolene that I flunked the driver's test.

I didn't wanna lose her respect.

Instead, I really messed up, and now I've lost yours.

Edward. Edward James Arthur Winslow.

Son, you haven't lost my respect.

Messing up is a part of growing up.

Edward, it's a process that never ends.

Actually, I think I messed up too.

How?

Well, I...

I don't think I should've given you that last-minute test.

I wanted to help, but I think I shook you up instead.

And I'm sorry.

Well, I guess we can both learn from this.

Thanks, Dad. Good talk.

Edward.

I'm the father. I learn from this.

You're the son. You learn from this, and you get punished.

Okay. What's it gonna be?

Well, you are grounded...

for one month. Plus, you have to wait two months before you can take...

- your next driver's test again. - Two months?

That's fair.

And I also want you to tell Steve's parents what happened.

Then you are to do odd jobs around the house...

until every cent of the damages is paid off.

At $4 an hour, it shouldn't take you more than two or three years, tops.

Dad, doesn't it count that I did come in and tell you the truth?

Okay, $4.10 an hour.

And last but not least, a jar of Mom's homemade catfish jam.

Boneless.

Gee, Steve...

your baby shoes, your grandmother's dentures...

fish jam...

and I didn't get a thing for you.

Uh, Steve? I need to talk to you.

Oh, fine.

I'll just go put these dentures in some water.

Look, Steve, you won't be needing that uniform. I told my dad the truth.

Wow, thanks, Eddie. I wasn't looking forward to military school.

You know, I heard they don't allow nightlights.

Listen, Steve, you put yourself on the line for me, and I want you to know...

- that I really appreciate that, man. - Hey, anytime, dude.

Because I'm your buddy, and buddies stick by each other.

- You know what else buddies do? - What?

They play catch.

- Let's break that puppy in. - All right.

All right.

- Think fast. - Aah!

What happened?!

Sorry, I broke a lamp, Dad.

- Gee, thanks for covering for me, Eddie. - We're buddies, right?