Original subtitles

Good morning, Starr.

Morning, madam.

Oh, your mail, madam.

Don't forget Sir Martin's

coming tonight.

Fred and I will not forget, madam.

5:30, the big entrance.

Who's this, then?

Good morning.

Morning, Louisa. Morning, Starr.

My lord.

And what are you off to do

this bright and shiny morning?

I said I might go and see a fellow

about an idea I had for Margaret's memorial.

I'd rather like to talk to you about it.

Time for a cup of coffee?

Yes.

Thank you, milord.

Thank you, Merriman.

And don't forget Sir Martin Mallory's wine

in his room.

Oh, no, ma'am. Never forget.

Oh. Is he coming back again?

Yeah, doing his Hamlet...

Though you look more like Hamlet

than he does.

He's really rather an old charlatan.

Oh, I don't know.

He does try to give people

their money's worth,

bit of a laugh, bit of a cry.

That can't be too easy night after night,

especially in this heat.

It's all right for cricket or bathing.

Isn't it about time

you was off on your cricketing week

up in Yorkshire?

I've chucked this year, I'm afraid.

Oh, that's a pity.

Yes.

You got to go back sometime, you know.

Yes, of course, but not yet.

Margaret would be everywhere.

Funnilly enough, one of the things she simply loved

was village cricket.

Used to score for us.

Made everyone laugh.

Well, it's nice to have some happy memories.

Go on, then. Open it. Don't mind me.

Oh, I know what it is.

They've asked me to become a gentleman usher at court.

What's that...sort of glorified Merriman?

It's a part-time courtier...

On duty at royal functions... garden parties, court balls,

diplomatic occasions.

Old Johnny Farjeon's behind it,

trying to be kind.

Well, congratulations.

I'm going to excuse myself.

I don't feel up to it.

Most likely, Johnny's getting sick and tired

of you wandering about the place

spreading gloom and despondency

wherever you go.

I know a lot of your friends are.

I know I am.

I'm very sorry.

And if the king does you the honor

to ask you to help out,

I think it's an insult to refuse.

You're a bleeding viscount, aren't you?

Doesn't that give you any responsibilities?

It's really absolutely none of your business.

Oh, yes, it is. For one thing,

you're turning this place into a morgue

just by being here.

Worse than having Queen Victoria around.

Then I'll leave.

Charlie...

It wasn't your fault

Margaret done herself in.

Of course it was. Who else's?

It wasn't no one's.

It was the way she was.

Poor thing couldn't face up to life.

It was something wrong in here.

I married her.

For better or for worse.

Don't you remember what we said

in this very room?

You pays your money...

Marriage is a lottery. It's chancy.

I think the major's got a better chance of winning,

putting his money on the ponies.

Now, don't say you should forget it.

You won't never forget it,

not if you're a human being.

But that's not wrong. That's right.

You might even be better for it.

"Tempered in the fierce furnace of life."

Yeah, that's right.

And memorials is all right, in their way.

That's respectful and nice...

But not when they're memorials to your own misery.

That way, you get to be like poor Margaret.

Well, what shall I do?

I really don't want to go back to Yorkshire.

Well, you don't have to.

I mean, chuck off them clothes for a start.

Go and get something nice.

Get back into life. If it was me, I'd buy a new hat.

Go out and do something, anything.

Here you are.

"Learn to dance the new way,

the modern way, the American way."

Eh?

"Learn to fly a hot-air balloon.

"Feel the thrill of being lighter

than the aether."

Blimey!

Well, I must get flying the Louisa Trotter way.

I got more on this month

than I've had since the coronation.

Good afternoon, milady, milord.

Good afternoon, Starr.

Nothing like tea to cool you down.

That's what the old hands

used to say in India.

Oh, yes, sir.

I see Bombardier Wells

gave that Australian fellow

a good thrashing last night.

Right hook to the chin second round.

That's the way I used to do it.

Ah, footwork...that's the secret of it, sir.

Footwork and timing. Yeah, yeah.

It's almost 5:30, ma'am.

Yeah, all right. I'll be there.

He'll have his audience, as always.

He'll be here soon.

Well, I don't suppose he'll come in here

to see you, will he?

He's never done before when he's been staying here, has he?

No, he hasn't, but, then,

he hasn't had cause to notice me before.

Perhaps if I was to make an excuse

and go through the hall when he comes...

Look, Violet, even if you do, he won't notice you,

so don't be so daft.

You're always dreaming, that's your trouble.

What else is there to do?

Late on parade, is he?

If he'd been in the army,

we'd have had him on a charge,

wouldn't we, Starr?

Can't quite imagine Sir Martin in the army.

Oop! Fred, on your feet, lad. Curtain up.

Starr! Greetings!

Good afternoon, Sir Martin.

And the major.

Ohh... Keeping fit?

And where is my lady?

How are you, then, Sir Martin?

Dear lady...

Always happy when I arrive to play London.

As I come to the last act,

I quote the bard to myself:

"Shall I not take mine ease at mine inn?

And can hardly wait!"

You look as charming as ever.

Oh, thank you, Sir Martin.

And how's your Hamlet going?

Don't speak of it! A disastrous matinee!

A bunch of mealy-mouthed mummers

who should be picking hops in Kent...

And an Ophelia who should have been drowned at birth

to have saved Shakespeare the trouble.

Dear lady, let us to your parlor.

I have much gossip.

LOUISA: Now, Sir Martin, you know I never gossip.

In my line of business, it's more the life's worth.

SIR MARTIN: Nevertheless, I have heard things

about mutual acquaintances that should make your ears prick up.

Actors are all right in their place, I always say...

..their place being on the stage.

And that one's a conceited counter jumper

if ever I saw one.

I think my lady

is quite capable of handling Sir Martin.

Yes, very likely,

but a cad's a cad, I was always taught,

whatever profession he may pursue.

He noticed me, Mary. I swear he did!

Don't know what you see in him, myself.

He's so handsome, mind.

I used to cut out all his pictures

at home and stick them in a scrapbook.

Think I fell in love with him when I was 12.

He was probably a bit younger, then, wasn't he?

He's knocking on a bit now.

Doesn't stop him being a lovely man, though, does it?

Who's she on about?

MARY: Oh, she's got stars in her eyes

over Sir Martin.

She won't be the first.

If I was you, my girl, I'd gaze on him from afar.

Yes!

And she said that the trouble with dining

at that particular theatrical restaurant

was that it was much the same

as eating breakfast off a dirty eiderdown.

Yeah, I know the place. She was quite right.

They serve crow and call it chicken.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, how've you been, Sir Martin?

Oh, ma'am...aging.

Oh, come on. You can still fill the place.

Oh, yes, they still come and see me,

but the time is coming near

when they won't want to see an aging Hamlet.

Probably the only part left for me will be King Lear.

Oh, come on. Cheer up.

There you are. Have some brandy.

Lady, for this relief, much thanks.

'tis bitter hot, and I am sick at heart.

God, you got a hundred years

of fluttering breasts ahead of you.

God bless you, ma'am.

Your health.

Oh, it's not good, Major.

Buskin the winner, Rocky Law, second.

What about mine?

Florissa was last, I'm afraid.

Ohh...

But if you will bet

on Maiden 2-year-old selling prices...

It's the only way to get decent odds

at Newmarket.

Oh, hello, Charlie.

Hello, Major. Mrs. Trotter in her room, Starr?

Oh, yes, my lord. She has a visitor, sir.

Our most distinguished knight of the boards.

CHARLES: And I missed his entrance!

There'll be plenty more.

- SIR MARTIN: Merriman! - MAJOR: See what I mean?

I'm going to have my little snooze.

Send my tea up at 6:30, would you?

I have to be at the theater

a little earlier tonight.

Yes, sir.

And the widow...

The Veuve Clicquot's beside your bed, sir.

God bless the merry widow and all her suitors!

MERRIMAN: Do you want me to open it for you, sir?

No, thank you. I've had many years

seducing or being seduced by the widow.

I think I can manage it again, eh, Mrs. Trotter?

My Lord Haslemere!

Sir Martin.

Greetings.

Oh...

Actor.

Poor old bugger.

He's right and he's getting old.

Aren't we all?

And why are you looking like the cat that's got the cream?

Well, you know how much I respect you, Mrs. Trotter.

Come on. I've got a good sense of humor,

but don't push me too far.

I've taken your advice, Louisa.

Not the hot air balloon?

Oh, ha! No, no.

No, but I have learned to dance,

the modern way, the American way.

You haven't!

I have, and I bought you a little present.

Oh! Surprise, surprise.

Oh, you are nice.

Shall I put one on?

What are they, then?

Well, take your pick... bunny hug, turkey trot.

Blimey!

What about tomorrow, eh, Starr?

Uh, Moratz

for the Duke of Cambridge Handicap...

What? I can't hear a damn word.

What the devil is that din?

I couldn't say, Major.

Something His Lordship got ahold of, I suppose.

Hmm. I hope we don't have too much of it.

Enough to give one a sick headache.

LOUISA: God's truth.

Bleeding Ijinsky, you are.

Look, less of a chat. Come on, Louisa.

Oh, I don't consider this

very ladylike, you know?

Come on. Let... Very good for the figure.

Now, follow me around the room. Ok?

Do I have to stick me arse out as well?

Well, it's not obligatory. Come on.

You're a turkey, not a chicken.

Oh, thank you. Oh!

Now, we'll try a different set now.

Arms on me shoulders,

and then you go back with your right leg

and then forward to me. All right?

Dee dee. And... To me.

That's it. Arms going.

Oh, it's quite saucy, that.

Hey, Mrs. Trotter!

Mrs. Trotter!

What do you want? Can't you see I'm working?

The bishop will be arriving soon.

Oh, barley water and biscuits in his room.

Push off here.

You'll have to show me that again.

All right. Arms on my shoulders.

Arms on your shoulders.

Ok. And...

1, 2...ooh, yeah. I like that.

Brilliant.

Oh, yeah. Very nice.

What on earth's happening in there?

It's that new gramophone.

It's driving them mad, stark staring mad.

Drive us all mad, if you ask me.

This used to be a nice quiet hotel.

If that goes on much longer,

it will soon be a nice empty one.

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

And...

1, 2, 3.

I thought turkeys went "gobble, gobble," anyway.

Here. I'm picking this up ever too quick.

And sway.

1, 2.

1, 2.

1, 2.

And...

There's Sir Martin's tea ready now,

Mr. Merriman.

MERRIMAN: Oh, I can't do 2 things at once.

The bishop comes first.

Sir Martin's a knight, after all.

But the bishop's a lord.

Takes precedence over a baron,

let alone a knight bachelor.

I'll take the tea up to Sir Martin.

Not your job, young woman.

Oh, go on, Mr. Merriman.

Let her see her hero

at close quarters for once.

Oh, all right.

Hee hee!

You might get a bit of a surprise.

No makeup and trying to sober up a bit after his wine,

lying face down as per usual, I shouldn't wonder.

Sir Martin.

Hmm?

Your tea.

Ahh...

Who are you, my child?

Violet, sir.

Violet.

Violetta, my little flower.

Yes, sir.

Pray, put it over there,

would you, Miss Violet?

Certainly, sir.

Could you perhaps pour?

Certainly, sir.

Will you take a dish of tea

with me, Miss Violet?

There's only one cup, Sir Martin.

Then you shall have it.

No. you have the cup.

I can drink out of the saucer

like me father did.

Did your father drink out of the saucer?

So did mine.

Put them there.

All right, then.

Good afternoon, your grace.

Good afternoon, Starr.

Ah, my dear, old friend.

What merry music.

And how are you, Major?

Bishop, what brings you to town?

Oh, up for Henley.

Used to stroke Univ., you know.

Did you, by jove?

That's it! Sporting Bishop!

Pardon?

3:00, Worcester, tomorrow.

Coming, Bishop!

Go round and round until you're dizzy.

Keep it up. Only a few more bars.

Oh, blimey, Charlie. I'm getting dizzy.

Oh, God!

Ha ha ha! Right.

Shall we try the bunny hug now?

Oh, blimey, no.

Me feet are nearly worn out already.

The whole room's going round.

Oh, it's lovely, though. Thank you, Charlie.

3 scrapbooks.

Well, there are other actors in them, mind,

but they're mostly of you.

Why me?

Oh, I don't know, really.

Have you ever seen me act?

No. I've never been to the theater.

Only the pantomime up back home.

Then you shall,

tonight, this very night.

I don't know if I can get time off tonight.

It's valid for whenever you wish.

But I would like to think

that you were in the theater tonight.

I would know then there was

someone I was acting for,

instead of simply doing it

to pay off my debts.

Oh, I'll try and get there.

I'd like to see you act.

In which case, I might, for once,

give a good performance.

I'd have thought you always gave good performances

or you wouldn't be so famous.

My child, in 2 hours,

that awful curtain is going to rise.

There will be people in the audience who will say,

"Oh, but he's getting old,"

or, "he's not what he was,"

or, "so-and-so is doing it better these days."

And I will be living in limbo,

hating the curtain to rise because

I don't know if that is my reality...

And hating it fall,

because once leaving the stage door,

I don't know if that is reality either.

Do you understand that?

No.

No. Because you have lived your life

in a real world

and not one of paint and canvas.

Do you have time for another dish of tea?

Oh, well...

Oh!

Come in.

Sir Martin, it...

It's time you left for the theater, sir.

Oh, thank you, Merriman.

Violet, you're wanted below stairs immediately.

SIR MARTIN: Mr. Starr!

The grand departure.

I suppose if you've got a voice

that carries to the Strand,

you can order a taxi in Maida Vale.

Ah! A cabriolet, my dear sir.

Be here in a moment, Sir Martin.

I've ordered you one.

God bless you, ever-constant Starr.

Trouble is, horse cabs are becoming a bit antique

in London nowadays, along with the horses and the cabbies.

I'm late. Delays have dangerous ends.

Yes, sir.

Please... For my sake...

..be there.

Your cab, Sir Martin.

Thank you, Starr.

Come on, goggle-eyes. quick march.

If you ask me,

that girl's walking into trouble.

Please, Mary!

It's not your night. Thursday's your usual night.

But it doesn't have to be.

Couldn't I swap?

All the beds are turned down

and the linen done.

Perhaps I better ask Mrs. Trotter.

Why?

Well, where are you going?

Penny in the pound,

she's going to the theater.

The theater? You?

I've been invited to see Hamlet.

Hmm.

Oh, well, I don't know, I'm sure.

Please, Mary. I'll never get another chance.

I've got a free ticket, you see.

I'm sure you have.

Oh, please!

Oh, all right, then.

But don't be back late.

No, I won't. Thank you, Mary.

Hamlet?

Women should keep themselves to themselves.

I don't believe in women going

to the theater on their own,

any more than walking

down Piccadilly after midnight.

Uh, stars in her eyes, and him twice her age.

Eh, but there's no accounting for girls,

as you well know, Mr. Starr.

There you are, then...

Oh. Wonderful.

Do you have to wear a special uniform?

Oh, yes. Very special. Very Expensive.

It's really more like a glorified footman

than a glorified Merriman.

Oh, I could use a glorified footman some evening,

if the king will spare you.

Oh. Poor old tailor's having to work overtime

to get everything ready.

What's the rush?

Well, the newest extra gentleman usher

to the royal household is to make his debut

at the court ball of the 18th.

Oh, Charlie, I wish I could be there.

Here. I'll tell you what I'll do,

'cause you're such a good boy.

How about me doing you a dinner,

something special first.

You can invite Billy and Puffin Fitzsimmons,

some of your other friends, and I'll cook it meself.

Oh, no. Look. You really shouldn't bother.

I know what a lot you've got on this month.

I will. I want to.

Well, that will be lovely.

Well...

Good night.

Sleep well.

I think I will.

First time for ages.

Come in.

Are you tired, Sir Martin?

Mm-hmm.

I came to see you tonight.

Yes. I knew you were there.

Was it a good performance?

It was beautiful.

Mr. Merriman said you take brandy

after your performance.

Not from choice. From necessity.

Would you pour me some?

Was it...a good performance?

Made me cry.

Then it was.

Take some brandy with me, mademoiselle.

From the goblet.

Pray...sit down.

Why did you... Hamlet...

Talk to that skull?

He was holding the skull of a dead friend,

someone he had lost.

He was remembering the past

and the days

that were filled with laughter...

Younger days.

That's what I thought.

Then you understood it.

What would you say

was the purpose of the moon?

Oh, I don't know. Purpose?

No.

And neither does anybody.

It has no purpose.

One shouldn't ask questions

to which there are no answers.

I don't know what you mean.

And that is your beauty.

How did you know I was in the theater tonight?

I don't know...

Any more than I could explain

the purpose of the moon.

It doesn't warm us like the sun,

but it shines.

Would you comfort me?

How?

Like a girl.

Stop me feeling old.

I think you should go to bed.

Mm-hmm.

Stop being Hamlet

and start being me, hmm?

Help me.

I was, in my youth, in love with a girl.

Being an artist, a poet, or actor,

or whatever it is I am,

I was not acceptable.

So we parted.

Her name was Jenny.

"Jenny kissed me when we met,

"jumping from the chair she sat in;

"Time, you thief, who love to get

"Sweets into your list,

put that in!"

Did you love her?

Yes.

The only one I ever did love.

- a boy from Cork

hoping to make his way in the world.

Well, I'd best go.

No.

No.

Comfort me.

Comfort me with small apples

and laughter in the dark.

Why me?

Because you are beautiful.

Not just the beauty you see in mirrors.

LOUISA: Nobody answer the bell

in this hotel no more?

I said, don't nobody answer the bell?

No, ma'am. Er...yes, ma'am.

3 bags full, ma'am. where's my milk?

Uh, here... Here it is, ma'am...

Have you taken up

Sir Martin's medicinal brandy?

Oh, yes, yes.

Oh, yes. I'll bet you haven't.

Yes, I have. Violet took it up.

Vi-Violet took it up?

Well, yes, you see, she'd been to the theater

to see Sir Martin in Hamlet...

What are you blathering about?

Violet go to the theater?

Well, where's Mary?

Gone to bed when Violet came in.

Well, where's Violet?

Oh, couldn't say, ma'am.

Oh, you stupid, lazy, dozy old idiot.

What did you let Violet take up his brandy for?

She wanted to compliment him

on his performance. I...

It's your job, Merriman,

to see Sir Martin gets his brandy.

I'm going to give that girl some compliments,

the compliments of the house. Mine!

Out!

Good night, Sir Martin.

I'll keep an eye on those, Violet.

Thank you, Mr. Starr.

It's bad, Fred.

Bad.

Right. There's your money

to the end of the week.

Yes, madam. Thank you, madam.

And you can push off now.

Could I have a reference, please, madam?

A reference? What kind of a reference?

Handy at jumping into bed with the guests?

I never done it before, madam.

I should bleeding hope not.

He was so sad and lonely.

You could spend half your life

jumping into bed with men who are sad and lonely,

but I'd advise against it.

Now, push off.

Where do I go?

Well, that's up to you, isn't it?

We've all got to make our own way in the world.

All right, Violet.

Good-bye, Violet. Good luck.

Good-bye, Mr. Starr.

Good-bye, Fred.

Good morning, Mrs. Trotter.

Morning, Bishop.

God's in his heaven. All's right with the world.

Up early, then?

Nothing like a trot around the park

to give one a good appetite for breakfast.

Morning, Starr.

Who's that for?

Sir Martin, ma'am.

I'll take that.

And I want to see you and Mary afterwards.

Oh. Very good, ma'am.

Well, there's your breakfast, Sir Martin.

Better eat it while it's hot.

Thank you.

Last night...

Most unfortunate.

Yes. Most unfortunate.

Partly my fault.

Oh?

She wanted to be kind.

Well, if you want kindness, Sir Martin,

you'll have to find it elsewhere.

My staff are not for sale.

She didn't ask for money.

Then she was a fool,

because she's going to need it.

Where is Vi...

She's gone.

"A Violet in the youth of primy nature,

"Forward, not permanent,

"sweet, not lasting,

"The perfume and 'supplements' [sic]

of a minute."

She's let us all down really properly,

has that Violet.

Us and Mrs. Trotter and the whole hotel,

behaving like that.

Mrs. Trotter gave Mr. Merriman and me

a proper drubbing.

"What the guests do is their business," she said.

"And what the staff does is mine.

"When I train girls, I train them.

"And when I've trained them, I hand them over

"to you to see that they go the way they're told.

"And I don't expect you

"To sit down on your arse...

..backside, letting things slide."

That's what she said, and she was right.

Violet has taken advantage.

That's what she's done.

No one asked for your opinion, Ethel.

She was a bit soft. That was all.

I've heard another word for it.

Violet was romantically inclined,

and that don't do in the hotel business.

You got to keep control of your emotions

in this business.

You're right.

She wasn't a bad girl,

not at all.

Whose side are you on?

On the side of justice. Aren't we, Fred? As always.

And we don't much like Sir Martin Mallory.

A cad and a bounder, that actor Johnny.

I've always said it, and I'm seldom wrong.

Don't know why she has him in the place.

But is it true she didn't even

give Violet a reference?

Who's "She," the cat's mother?

Who I have in this hotel, Major, and who I don't

is my business, no one else's.

And who I give references to and who I don't

is also my business.

Violet knew the rules, like they all do.

Louisa, you once said to me that

when a girl's chucked out with a week's wages and no reference,

there's only one place left for her...on the streets.

You said to me,

"Go out and ask any tart you like,

"and it's even money she'll tell you she started life in service."

Do you remember that?

Yeah. I won't ever forget it.

But considering the circumstances,

I'm surprised you have.

I was a servant at the time, Major.

First night in his uncle's service,

he comes bursting into me bedroom

in his pajamas, full of the joys of spring.

Well, I wasn't so obliging as Violet,

you'll be glad to hear.

So let's have a little less talk of Violet,

and let's consider this dinner I'm cooking for you.

Dear Louisa, all I meant...

Shall I tear up this menu,

or would you care to have a look at it?

Well, does His Lordship approve?

A light, pre-Buckingham Palace ball supper?

Makes my mouth water.

Soufflé de cailles au riz, my favorite thing.

Thought it was the old king's,

God bless him.

Well then, Major, about your wines.

Let us consider the piece de resistance first

and the quail soufflé

and then build round it, so to speak.

I thought of a burgundy, but quail is a small bird,

en soufflé. it's warm weather.

You'll be drinking Champagne all night.

Champagne and burgundy...

So I turned to Bordeaux,

to a Pichon Longueville '02.

I thought that wasn't a very good year.

Ah, not for the St. Émillion and the Pomerol.

There were bad thunderstorms in October that year.

But the Médoc, being nearer to the sea, escaped them.

Well, I must say, Major, I never did.

I have to admit that Merriman

did remind me of the fact.

Now, a question -

the salmon trout. How is that cooked?

In aspic.

All right, Ethel.

You lift the bone below the tail.

All right. Now, pull. Gently.

Gently...

The bishop wants to see you, ma'am.

Something about keeping on his room.

Oh, tell him I've gone off religion.

What, ma'am?

Oh Mary, can't you see I'm busy?

You deal with his grace.

Tell him to pray on his knees this bone comes out clean.

All right, Ethel. Gently. Gently...

Well done, Ethel.

Oh! Thank heaven for that.

Right. Now you can get on with the aspic.

Where's the cooling tray for this fish, Mrs. C.?

Oh, Ethel will get it for you, madam.

No, she won't. She's doing the aspic.

This isn't the only dinner.

We've got 3 going out

and all the other guests.

This is the only one I'm cooking,

so you go and get that tray.

Out of the way, Ethel.

All right. Now for me garnish.

Isn't it lovely?

Yes, it is.

Billy actually mutinied.

But they didn't throw you in the tower, did they?

We didn't actually mutiny.

We were all called together

in a tent on the Carra,

and the general said if it came to civil war

between Southern Ireland and Ulster,

we'd have to stop it.

I mean, it was absolutely ridiculous.

I'm in an Irish regiment,

and my own estate was only 30 miles away.

It meant we'd have been fighting our own people.

It was a complete farce.

Most generals seem to have

cotton wool for brains.

Oh, but it really does look like war this time,

both sides arming like billy-o.

Yes. People say Carson drills

20,000 men every day himself

before breakfast outside Belfast.

I told Winston he wants to get the battleships out

and blow Dublin and Belfast into the sea.

It's the only way to deal with the Irish.

Thank you very much, Toni.

Don't touch that oven, Mrs. C.

Mr. Merriman says right.

All right, Ethel.

Go get the tray.

Oh, lovely.

There you are.

Right. Now, you get up them stairs,

the front stairs.

Never mind the lift. Right.

What if the bishop or someone sees?

I don't care if she meets the pope.

Get moving.

Whew.

It's a dog's life being a cook.

Isn't it, Mrs. C.?

And when she said, "Not bloody likely"

Everyone tittered.

Well, I thought it was rather rude,

but Mrs. Pat Campbell didn't turn a hair.

People say she hasn't

any hair left to turn.

I say, what a delicious soufflé.

It's Mrs. Trotter's special thing,

you know. The late king

had a passion for it.

Is it true he also had a passion for Mrs. Trotter?

What a quaint thought.

Puffin! pas devant.

I thought that Eliza Doolittle

in the play was exactly like

Louisa Trotter.

Shaw often stays here, you know,

and people do say...

How fascinating!

This claret is nectar.

Mmm!

MERRIMAN: Pichon Longueville 1902, sir.

PUFFIN: Really?

Louisa darling,

thank you for the most wonderful dinner.

You certainly earned your sovereign tonight.

Thank you, Charlie.

Give my regards to the royals.

Are we all set?

Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Good night, then, milord.

Hey, mister, will you come home with me?

Let me look for some silver.

Go on, you little bitch. Clear off.

I wasn't doing anything.

Oh, yes, you was.

You was muscling in on my beat.

Well, I don't see why I shouldn't walk.

Aah! Oh!

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Aah!

Oh! Oh!

Next time, you'll get this...

Right up where you won't like it.

Ow!

What's your name?

Violet Armstrong.

Sir.

Sir. Sorry, sir.

Where do you come from?

I come from up north,

but I haven't got no one up there now.

They chucked me out. Been down here a few years.

Not as a prostitute, you haven't.

No, sir. I've been a chambermaid

in a hotel, but I got chucked out again.

Did something silly.

Which doesn't surprise me.

What put you on this game?

I'm skint, sir.

Couldn't get no job. I'm cleaned out.

You realize accosting strange men

in a public place

is a criminal offense under the law?

Yes, sir.

CHARLES: Shh! Quiet!

Shh!

I'm quite famished, Charlie.

Fodder this way.

Really?

I'll get some booze.

Oh!

Shh!

Divine.

Cheers.

Mmm. Yummy!

Oh, this thing weighs a ton.

Quite apart from

looking like a fender.

What, Toni?

Shh! What's that noise?

My tummy rumbling.

What are we going to eat?

Well, what would you like, eggs, bacon?

Yes!

Charlie, where are they?

I don't know. I wasn't born in the kitchen.

Let's play hunt the egg.

Right!

Where would they be?

Here are the eggs.

Oh, Toni. Brilliant going.

Eggie-peggies! Yummy, yum!

I say, I've never cooked an egg.

What do you cook eggs in?

In a saucepan, silly.

They're the flat ones, aren't they?

I think there are some over here.

Ah.

I say, I've made rather a floater.

- Not to worry. - Sorry.

Oh, Billy, let me.

Oh!

I say, I don't think

I'd make a very good cook.

Nor do I, Mrs. Fitzsimmons,

if you don't mind me saying so.

Hmm. It's the truth.

Thought I heard some two-legged mice about the place.

Right.

Oh...

Bravo!

Very good.

How was the ball?

Well, Charlie made a gushy usher,

but the king and queen were rather...

Formal.

I don't think they like balls very much.

CHARLES: Or dancing.

So they just sat. And we waltzed.

And we waltzed.

ALL: And we waltzed, and we waltzed,

and we waltzed.

It was all rather like an animated version

of Madame Tussaud's.

Fortunately, the king and queen

go early to bed.

And it was rather hot.

So we melted back here.

Charlie, what about some more Champagne?

Yes!

What about poor Cinders, then?

Don't she get any?

Poor little Cinders.

Here is your glass, simply, my dear.

Not much bunny hugging at the palace?

No, not a great deal.

Their majesties not too good at the turkey trot?

Oh, I adore those modern things.

Can anybody do them?

Well, as a matter of fact...

We can. We can.

What?

Charlie! Well, show us!

Now?

Come on.

Clear the decks.

Ethel can scrub it down in the morning.

Ok, and...

Where do you want me?

Bunny hug, turkey trot, tango?

What about a tango?

Tango.

Tango.

Charlie, will you teach me how to tango?

Of course, my dear.

Right.

1, 2.

♪ Charlie, won't you ♪

♪ teach me how to tango? ♪

Rum-te-tum.

♪ Every turn I spurn to learn, I ♪

♪ do love it so ♪

Rum-te-tum.

♪ Don't mind if the chaperones fuss. ♪

Ta-tum.

♪ I'll write to the Times about us. ♪

ta-tum.

♪ Charlie, won't you ♪

♪ teach me the way to tango? ♪

Bravo!

One more time.

Once more?

Yes, please!

Yeah.

All right. 1. 2.

♪ Charlie, won't you ♪

♪ teach me how to tango? ♪

Rum-te-tum.

♪ Every turn I spurn to learn, I ♪

♪ do love it so. ♪

♪ Don't mind if the chaperones... ♪

Who's that, this time of night?

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Evening, Mrs. Trotter. May I come in?

Evening, your lordship.

Good evening, inspector.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I trust you're all enjoying yourselves.

Now, look here, inspector,

if you thought we was making a disturbance...

Oh, I didn't hear no disturbance,

but I would be most grateful

if I might have a word with you, Mrs. Trotter.

In private.

Follow me.

Oh, Lord!

Horribilino.

I say, bad show, what.

I wonder what she's done.

Charlie, what about our eggie-peggies?

Well, no. I'm afraid the party's over.

ALL: Oh...

Sorry.

Never mind.

Coats. Coats.

Hey, whose is this? Is this yours?

If you don't mind me saying so, inspector,

you do seem to come visiting me

at the most peculiar hours.

In my job, it's better to strike while the iron's hot.

And I can't delay charging the girl for long,

and then she'll be up before the beaks

in the morning. That's the law, you see.

Of course, I wouldn't have dreamed

of disturbing you until I'd...ascertained

that you were up and about.

Yes, well, I have a set of rules

for my staff, and I keep to them,

if you understand me.

Oh, I understand you perfectly, Mrs. Trotter.

You care for a glass of brandy?

I wouldn't say no.

I admire you for that.

What, having some drink in the place?

No. Having your rules.

We have rules, too, you know.

In fact, quite a fat rule book.

But then, as someone once said,

rules was only made to be broken.

One of our rules is that no officer

may accept alcoholic refreshment

whilst on duty.

And another one we both know very well

is that same refreshment may not be served

on licensed premises,

such as your hotel, Mrs. Trotter,

after 10:30 p.m, to other than resident guests.

So you see, I think we both know quite a lot

about rules and about bending them.

I suggest you bend your rule

in the case of this young girl.

Yes.

I see, inspector.

Good.

I thought you would.

Come in.

Hmm. Yeah.

That's a fine one, that is.

Yes, madam. Thank you, madam.

I'm not having you back here, you know.

No, madam.

Got yourself in a fine mess

and no mistake.

Yes, madam.

And not very good at it, from what I hear.

Well, I didn't really get started...

Listen.

"To whom it may concern,

"Violet Armstrong is a good,

"hard-working girl capable

"of doing the duties of housemaid,

parlormaid, or chambermaid."

Right.

Oh, thank you, madam. Bless you, madam.

And I'm not doing it out of kindness,

Violet. Don't think that.

Too many tarts in London

and not enough chambermaids.

Yes, madam.

They need one at the Warwick

in Kensington.

Ask for Mrs. Chalmers

and say I sent you.

Oh, thank you, madam.

Off you go.

She give me a reference, Mr. Starr!

She give me a reference!

Here, girl. Not that way.

Not this time.

You're a servant again now. Go on.

Oh, and ask Mrs. Cochrane for

a bit of that steak that's gone off.

You could use it on that eye.

Where are you off to then, Lord Haslemere?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

Our cricketing week up in Yorkshire starts tomorrow.