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[water dripping]

[Mishra moans, grunts, gasps]

-[groans] -[static sound]

[moaning]

[grunting]

-[man] Ah! -[gun clatters]

[man screams]

[Mishra yelps]

[grunts]

[man] Motherfucker! You think you can screw around with other men's wives, huh?

Do you have any shame or not? [heaves]

[grunts, whimpers]

[man] I'm going to break your balls, tonight, eh!

[crackling sound]

[man] So this is what you are so confident about? [strains]

Get rid of this bloody snake. There's no need for a snake charmer.

[both howling]

[both howling, whimpering]

-[whimpering continues] -[man yelps]

[heaving breathlessly]

[gasping, yelps] Ah!

[breathing heavily]

[man screams]

[man screams, howls]

[grunts]

Ah!

Ah! [straining]

-[man] Come here! -[Mishra] Ah.

[both grunting, straining]

-[rings clatter] -[man] Don't think you'll get away.

-[Mishra] Ah! [groans] -[cracks]

[water sloshes]

[moaning, grunting]

[tense music playing]

[man whimpering, moaning]

-[shoulder cracking] -[water gurgling]

[panting]

-[whimpering] -[knife clinking]

-[music intensifies] -[breathing heavily]

[sniffling]

-[music slows] -[sobbing softly]

[knife clanks]

[water rippling softly]

[music fades]

[anklets jingle]

-[anklets jingle] -[moaning, exhaling deeply]

[water splashes]

[bulb crackling]

[eerie music playing]

[bulb crackling]

[music intensifies, stops]

[man in Hindi] ♪ Noida, Noida, Noida, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral Wheel ♪

♪ Noida, Noida, Noida, Noida Spiral, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral Wheel ♪

♪ A gentleman sitting atop The yellow wheel of time cycle ♪

♪ This is his destiny, Meet the common man ♪

♪ He was looking for sweets But all he got was a bitter pill ♪

♪ This is his destiny, Meet the common man ♪

♪ In the exam called life He gets 0 out of 10 ♪

♪ This is his destiny, Meet the common man ♪

♪ Noida, Noida, Noida, Noida Spiral, Spiral, Spiral, Spiral Wheel ♪

[song fades]

[thunder rumbling]

[man] ♪ Drenched ♪

-[upbeat music playing] -[audience whistling, hooting]

[man 1] Look at that sexy waist!

[man 2] She is so fucking hot!

-[song continues] -[audience cheering loudly]

[in English] Why do they have these cheap songs? Filthy!

Shambhu! Shambhu, let's go and get popcorn.

At least the kids will be happy.

[woman in Hindi] ♪ The heart yearns For our bodies to entwine! ♪

♪ Drenched, it's drenched ♪

♪ Drenched, it's drenched ♪

[audience whistling, cheering]

Shambhu! Shambhu!

[in English] What about my happiness? To hell with that?

Jijaji, why do you have to be so boring? Watch the song. It's mind-blowing!

What's so exciting about it, Shambhu?

The girl is just dancing and showing off her skin.

At least have some shame.

You've come here to watch a film with your jijaji, okay?

Jijaji also happens to be a man.

These film guys put in these songs just to entertain the men. [chuckles]

If Jijaji is requesting you, then go with him, no?

-You need to show him some respect. -[groans]

-[Shambhu] Let's go! -Let's go.

-[boy] Papa, I want cheese popcorn. -[girl] And I want caramel.

-Okay. -[woman] Move aside. Please.

We bought tickets to watch the hero. Not the two of you.

Why are you getting so worked up? We've also bought a ticket.

You bought the ticket to watch this movie, right?

Or did you buy the entire theater? Shut your mouth and move aside.

-We won't move. -Come on!

[calmly] Listen, Bhai Sahab, why are you getting so upset?

Let's just end the matter here. Please move, Bhai. Just end it.

-Yes, yes. It's okay. Come on. -Hey!

Come on, let's go, Bhai.

Why do you get so hot and bothered when you watch these film heroes, Bindi?

Because these heroes know how to make love.

In the movies, even after many years of marriage,

the heroes and heroines know how to spice up their lives.

"Spice up their lives"?

Bloody, is it a relationship or a recipe for tikka masala?

"Spice up their lives"!

Tell me, what's the point of dancing around naked like this?

Fucking losers!

Move your damn hand. So clingy all the time!

Jhatka! Don't drink it, you fool!

Raja Bhai will beat you up, if he comes to know.

Hey, stop worrying, Lappu! Just chill, man!

When you know that you can't digest milk, why do you still drink so much?

Whenever I see anything made from milk, I just can't control myself!

And, fucker, stop freaking out over stupid things.

[Lappu] Why the hell should I freak out? You should be freaking out.

Why do you get so nervous when you look at women?

Just standing there like a statue.

I'm not used to being around women, right? What can I do?

-Sometimes I feel shy. -Hmm.

How much for the popcorn?

You don't know how to read? It's written there.

Plain for 50. Cheese and caramel for 80.

Give us the cheese, two.

And the other one, that caramel, two of that. Come on, quick.

No, no, no, no. Bhaiya, give us only the plain ones.

-You are overcharging us for the others. -We're being overcharged, anyway.

The movie doesn't matter, the popcorn does. We're treating the kids.

Why are you being stingy? Don't worry, I'll pay for this.

Why should you pay for it? They're my kids.

And there's no need to show off your money to me, Saale Sahab.

What are you looking at? The movie will get over. Give us the plain ones, three.

Such daytime robbery. My goodness!

[woman in Hindi] ♪ The heart yearns For our bodies to entwine! ♪

♪ Drenched, it's drenched ♪

♪ Drenched, it's drenched ♪

[in English] Dhaincha, I missed the song because of you. You're having all the fun.

It's your turn now.

-Check it out, Lappu. -[Lappu grunts]

She's so sexy, man. Hot like a tandoor!

[Lappu] Hmm.

[slurping noisily]

Where is this Jhatka gone by the way?

He had some milk. He's taking a dump.

-That fucker just can't resist-- -Shh.

Fucker!

Get out, motherfucker, come on. Get out before I fuck your happiness.

[man inside] How can I get out before I'm done?

And, Bhaiya, why are you abusing?

Why shouldn't I, asshole? [whines] Fucker!

First of all, it's an emergency.

And what the fuck are you doing in there for so long?

[man inside] Playing carom.

And I won't get out till the queen is in the pocket. Understood?

-[metallic clank] -Motherfucker!

-You fucked now, asshole! Fucked? -[bullet ricochets]

[man inside] Are you fucked now, asshole?

-Fucked? -[moans]

[moans] Ooh, Mummy, oh no! Please save me, mummy!

-[end bell rings] -[man 1 in Hindi] Shitty movie!

-[man 2] But the heroine was hot! -[man 3] And songs were killer!

[Dhaincha in English] Jhatka, don't drink so much milk.

You came quite close to shitting in your pants today.

[Jhatka] Yes, yes, I won't drink again, Dhaincha Bhai.

-Come on, let's go. -Hmm.

-Had a good time, huh? -Hey.

[tense music playing]

[woman gasps] Ah!

[woman whimpers]

[Dhaincha] The movie's not over for you. Just shut up and turn around.

-[helmet man] Who are all of you? -[man] So, Bhai Sahab?

[helmet man] Huh?

[sinister music playing]

Bhabhiji and you seem to be in quite a hurry to leave. Well?

Why?

You seemed to have booked tickets for some other show later tonight, is it?

Bhaiya, please make them sit.

-Sit down. Just sit down! -[woman yelps]

I can't believe it, Bhai Sahab that both of you watched the whole movie

with your helmets on.

You thought you wouldn't be recognized?

[singsong tone] But we caught you.

That's why I was wondering

why you made a plan to watch a movie with me.

So this was a work thing? Finish the job. Go ahead.

[silence]

Women! Tell me, Bhai Sahab,

you like fooling around with other men's wives, huh?

This is our personal matter, okay? We will sort it out at home.

And, and who the hell are you to lecture us like this?

Bhabhiji, you've misunderstood me.

We are only doing this because our client hired us for this job.

[woman] Huh?

The deal was to catch you red-handed and then thrash you.

The thing is

once we accept the contract,

we make sure that we deliver. You understand?

So, Bhai Sahab, what was the plan for tonight?

[voice trembling] There was no plan as such, Bhaiyaji.

Just watch the film, then go for dinner and…

[Lappu] And?

[men laugh]

And a little hanky-panky. No other plans.

[helmet woman scoffs]

My husband hired you for this, right?

-I will speak to him myself, okay? -We were not hired by your husband.

[low, suspenseful music playing]

Do you think that only men get angry about being cheated on, huh?

-[man grunts] -Raja Bhai, Raja Bhai, the sun has set.

-You're sure? We don't have even a minute? -Sunset was at 6:23.

Damn it!

You all will have to do it.

-Lappu, make a video. Proof for client. -No, no!

-Don't make a video. -No video, please.

-Shut up. -[woman gasps]

What did I say? Shh!!

-[helmet woman sobs] -Attack.

[helmet man grunts, whimpers]

Jijaji, you overthink every little expense all the time.

Inside, it was the popcorn. Outside, it was the parking.

Life is worth living only if you live in style.

Why worry about every single rupee?

Nobody is being a miser, okay? Your jijaji makes an honest living.

-And whatever he earns is good. -It's not good enough, Jiji.

I make more than enough.

I don't worry about thousand, two thousand rupees.

Okay, explain this to me.

Why do our clothes have pockets in them? To keep money in there, right?

Well, pockets can also hold pens. Huh?

Pens that I use in office to sign off on papers, with integrity.

And in summer, you can keep a kerchief.

In the cold, put your hands in there, keep them warm.

Pockets don't bring happiness only if they're filled with money, Shambhu Babu!

[chuckles mockingly]

Jijaji, you really are a simple guy.

And today, simple means foolish or chuggad.

-[pensive music playing] -[chuckles]

Do you understand?

All I'm saying is that Jiji got married to you.

You have to keep her happy.

Bhaiya, whatever you make, Shambhu, keeps your family happy.

Whatever I make keeps my family happy.

-What more do I need? -Yeah. [scoffs] What more do you need!

-Am I right, Ashoklata? -Hmm.

[Hindi song playing over car stereo]

The hero in today's film was an idiot!

There can only be one hero! Shahrukh Khan.

Hey, bastard, you're such a bloody fool.

There can be only one hero. Bhai! Sallu Bhai!

Have you seen his muscles?

Once he opens his shirt, your balls travel to your mouth in fear.

Exactly!

Shahrukh doesn’t even need to take his shirt off.

That K-K-K-K-K-K is quite enough.

Do you remember how everyone was shit scared?

Fuck off, bastard!

I made a mistake bringing you from Bihar to work for Raja Bhai.

My friendship screwed me over.

Bhai Sahab, you settle this.

Who's the bigger star? Salman or Shahrukh?

Behenji?

[both mumbling]

At least nod your head, no? Shahrukh, right?

-[both whimpering] -[Dhaincha] Sallu Bhai? Right?

-King Khan! -[woman mumbles]

-Sallu Bhai! -[woman moans]

[Jhatka] There can only be one Bhai.

That's our Raja Bhai.

[eerie music playing]

[phone buzzing]

Hello, Behenji.

We caught your darling husband red-handed.

And, also caught his lover. Bring the cash when you come tomorrow.

[Dhaincha] Hum Aapke Hain Kaun was a bigger hit than Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

-[boy] Come play with me. -[scooter engine whirring]

[both kids] Eat it. Come on eat it.

Good. Very good.

[children conversing indistinctly]

-[boy] I love them. -[girl] They are very cute.

[Mishra's son] Can we bring them home? Should we ask Mummy?

-[Ashoklata] Rohan, Ritu, let's go inside. -[mobile ringing]

-[Rohan] Mummy, please. -[Ashoklata] No. Next time.

Greetings, Pitaji. How are you?

-[Mishra's dad] I'm fine, beta. -How is Ma doing?

Yes, she's also doing well.

Listen, you're sending the money, right?

The roof is falling apart.

[Mishra's mom] We have trouble when it rains heavily.

Don't forget, Tribhuvan.

How can I forget about it, Mummy? I've applied for a loan from my PF.

I'll have the money in my account by tomorrow.

I'll send it once I receive it and by the way,

I've managed to arrange for some extra money.

The rear side of the house needs to be repaired.

It should cover it.

[mom] If you took money under the table, you would not need to arrange anything.

You were the topper in the CA exam.

You should not be living hand-to-mouth like this.

Something good should come of it.

You would've been better off in a private job.

I took up a government job because you insisted that I do it. Huh?

And why should I take bribes? Especially when I don't need it? Hmm?

[Mishra's dad] Government jobs come with perks. That was our intention.

But you are acting like Raja Harishchandra. What can we do?

[Mishra chuckles softly]

Don't forget to send the money. We have already hired the laborers.

All right?

[Mishra's mom] We have told all our neighbors about the repair work.

It's a matter of our reputation now.

It's your honor, Mummy. And I won't ever let you down. All right?

I have your and Pitaji's names tattooed on my arm. All right?

-Pranaam. You stay well. -[Mishra's mom] Bless you.

[Bollywood music playing]

[man in Hindi] ♪ Meethi-Meethi Meethi-Meethi, please say yes ♪

♪ Once, just once say yes ♪

♪ Meethi-Meethi Meethi-Meethi Please say yes… ♪

[in English] Okay, listen.

Can we go somewhere for a holiday? To Mussoorie?

Go ahead. Have I stopped you?

So you want me to go alone?

Who else will you go with?

[song on TV continues softly]

[opens zip]

Take this.

You go to Mussoorie.

Tell me if you need more money.

Dhaincha will book your tickets.

Let me go with Dhaincha only to Mussoorie.

[TV song continues in background]

[door clicks open]

[switches clicking]

[kids chattering indistinctly]

[switches clicking]

Ashoklata, what happened? Why do you look so upset?

Didn't we have such a lovely evening with the kids, huh?

Come on, kids, move it. Put the helmets back there.

Change your clothes and come. Hurry up. Come on, move.

Huh? What happened?

I had put a cake and set the timer for four hours.

The oven broke down.

-Oh! -The cake is completely ruined.

I had tried a new recipe.

I have two orders for tomorrow from our colony.

300 rupees.

It's like an old man now.

Like an old man and you prefer a young one.

Ashoklataji, please don’t be upset.

Let me get my salary. I will buy you a new one. On EMI.

This one is so unreliable.

Who knows what expenses we'll have next month.

Besides, you have to send money to Amma-Bauji.

-Hmm. -There goes all our PF money.

We'll dare to dream when we have the money.

Hmm.

But you don't worry.

-I know how to bang it back into shape. -Hmm.

Banging it back into shape is a really good idea.

[dings]

-[Mishra] It worked? [chuckles] -Yes, didn't I tell you?

We needn't buy a new one now.

-My 300 rupees are going nowhere. -[Rohan] Mummy.

Please give me also some cake for my tiffin.

[Ashoklata] Yes, Rohan. Of course, I will.

See how the magic of my cakes is maintained now.

Ashoklataji, your magic works not just on outsiders alone,

[low, seductive tone] but on me as well.

Well, never mind.

You didn't say a thing about the new sari I wore today.

Tell me what color was it?

Do you really think I don't know?

Don't tease me.

Tell the color, come on.

I know it was…

It was red, right?

It was red, right?

-Am I right? Huh? [chuckles] -Purple, okay?

Oh! Uh…

Don't you remember buying it in the sale last month?

I wore it for the first time today.

-You never take notice of me. -[Mishra chuckles softly]

Okay, listen. Why don't you wear it again tonight?

Purple sari.

I'll wear it tonight.

-You wear the purple sari… -[Ashoklata] Hmm.

…and I will help you to

take it off.

[chuckles] Come on!

Our life is so black and white.

There's no color at all.

You know what your problem is? Should I tell you?

Hmm.

You are well in your forties,

but you seem to believe that you're sweet sixteen.

Look there. Take a look.

Look in the mirror.

You see yourself? Hmm?

In the mirror? Do you see?

Huh? How old are you?

Are you 40 years old or 16?

Color, color, color! Why are you going on and on about color?

Want me to buy a rainbow for you? Huh?

[low, melancholic music playing]

It's important for you to act your age, Bindi.

I have a reputation here in Noida city.

Our society is watching us.

Tell me something.

Society isn’t here with us, right?

I loved the way the hero danced for the heroine today.

Will you dance just for me?

Have you gone completely mad? Huh?

Have your parents taught you anything or not?

Film, film, film!

From the day we got married, all you care about is films.

Sometimes you want me to be Shahrukh. Sometimes Salmaan.

And sometimes, that Govinda.

And these days who's that new guy? What's his name?

[chuckles softly] Vicky.

Vicky Kaushal is the latest!

And you want me to do the same idiotic steps.

[scoffs]

One day, I'm going to lose my shit

and I'll do Gabbar's dance moves for you. Huh?

I'll pick up this gun and I'll blow your brains out.

Do you understand?

You'll pick up the gun and you will shoot me?

You won't lose your reputation in Noida city?

[low, melancholic music playing]

Put your plate and go to sleep.

I'm going to sleep now.

Hey! Come on! I'm still having my food.

[music intensifies]

[upbeat music playing]

[in Hindi] ♪ Why does the heart Beat like this? ♪

♪ Why is it in awe of you? ♪

♪ Why does the heart beat like this? ♪

♪ Why is it in awe of you? ♪

♪ Why does it yearn for you Over and over again? ♪

♪ I have fallen in love ♪

♪ I've traded heart for a heart In this deal of love ♪

♪ I won the bet of love By losing my heart ♪

♪ Conjurer, o, conjurer ♪

♪ You are a great magician ♪

♪ He is very tall, with great physique ♪

♪ One can spot him from afar Oh, that's my man, yes, yes, yes ♪

♪ Oh, that's my man ♪

♪ He looks strong Have caught him from the jungles ♪

♪ He charges like a wild bison ♪

♪ He meets me in the dream ♪

♪ My man meets me in the dream ♪

[music fades]

[beeps]

[Ashoklata breathing heavily] Ah, yes…

-Yes, yes, yes! A little more. -[Mishra moans]

[Ashoklata, voice trembling] Two, two minutes. That's it! Aah!

[moans again] Yes!

Yes, yes! [gasps]

[Ashoklata screams out, exhales]

[breath trembling] Oh, oh, oh!

[moans]

[both breathing heavily]

[moans shrilly, exhales]

-[Mishra exhales] -[Ashoklata moans]

I'm tired. I'm exhausted.

-Already exhausted? -[exhales]

[chuckles]

This was only a warm-up.

[breathlessly] Even your warm-ups are so amazing?

Oh my God!

-You are mind-blowing. -[Mishra] Hmm.

[breathlessly] Should we get started,

move past the warm-up… to the real match?

-[clattering] -[lively, upbeat music playing]

[Ashoklata moans, exhales]

[moaning loudly]

[music intensifies]

-[muted] -[music intensifies]

-[music stops] -[low, consistent pounding]

[pounding continues]

Bhaiya, I am hearing the same sound again. Heard it?

Yes.

Mummy tells me that it's a big earthquake.

Bhaiya, what's an earthquake?

-[pounding continues] -I don't know. It just happens.

You go to sleep now.

[pounding continues indistinctly]

[grunts loudly]

[grunts softly]

[voice trembling] Look, I'm exhausted, Shobha.

How long do we need to do this?

Aunty said that we should hold this pose as long as we can.

-And we should do it daily. -[shudders]

It will make our body flexible and healthier.

[scoffs, grunts] Aunty!

[straining] Once I become an expert, I'm going to start my own yoga class.

[grunts]

[grunts]

So, last month, you learned to apply mehndi.

And before that, it was rangoli class.

-Yeah. -And before that, Italian cooking.

[grunts]

Yeah, so what's the problem with learning new things, huh?

I get certificates for it and awards as well.

Yeah, and we have this wall to prove it.

-You've framed all your certificates. -[Shobha chuckles]

-So you're sure about yoga, right? -Yeah.

Yeah?

[both laugh]

Every single time I learn something new, you ask me, "This is final, right?"

And every single time, you say yes.

[both] We really understand each other.

I'm gonna check out the client's background.

-Hmm. -Need to pull a fast one tomorrow.

[Ashoklata breathless and shrill] Huh! Huh! Huh!

-[Ashoklata grunts, exhales deeply] -[oven beeping]

-[Ashoklata exhales deeply] -[oven beeps, stops]

You're such a beast in bed, you know.

You tire me out even after all these years.

Don't you get exhausted?

You really know what a woman wants.

You care about my pleasure more than your own.

-Not all men care this way. -Hmm?

As if you know so much about what other men do. Huh? [chuckles]

I sure know about other women.

Women talk about these things.

Really?

If there's ever a love-making competition…

I'm sure you'll win a gold medal.

-[Mishra chuckles softly] -An Olympic medal.

-Ashoklata? -Hmm.

Can I ask you something?

I don't accept bribes from anybody.

We are living hand-to-mouth in a way.

Don't you ever regret marrying someone like me, huh?

[clicks tongue]

The thing about money is…

if we have a lot, it's a bonus.

But if not, we'll manage.

I just don't want our kids to feel the pinch.

[Mishra chuckles softly]

Let's go.

Mummy, pack some cake, right?

Yeah, yeah. Already packed.

I know that even your friends love my cake.

Listen, don't give it all to them, alright?

-Understood? Okay. -Hmm.

Finish quickly.

-Mummy? -[Ashoklata] Hmm?

Can I skip school today?

Look at that. He just wanted me to pack the cake.

Now wants to stay back.

Always changing your mind! Come on!

Come on, quickly finish your breakfast.

[mutters] "Can I skip school!"

Come on, come on, hurry up. You'll miss the bus. Let's move.

[puppies barking]

-[Rohan] Christie! -[Ritu] Timmy!

Christie. Come here, cutie.

[Ritu] I'll give you a bath when I am back from school.

Hey, this should be more than enough. Look at that!

[kids chattering]

-Guptaji. Taneja Sahab. Good morning. -These dogs will settle down here again.

Didn't I tell you not to play with them?

-Who's important, Dadaji or the dogs? -Dogs.

Because they don't scold us like Dadaji.

Shh! Hey!

-Your kids are extremely rude! -Come on.

If they are so fond of dogs, why don't you take these puppies home?

But that's not fair at all.

I mean, they are residents of this colony. Just like all of you.

Let them live in peace.

Come on, Mishraji, are you calling us dogs or what?

Taneja Sahab, who is calling you a dog?

Why would I call you a dog? You know?

These puppies grow and become a real nuisance to society.

Hey! Hey, fucker! Why are you standing around, blabbering?

Did you wash my car? Didn't you see the bird poop all over it?

Fucker, my black car has turned white.

Is it my fault if birds shit on your car after I have washed it?

They sit on the line over the car and shit.

Should I go up there and shut their assholes?

In our country white is supposed to be a lot better than black.

And you? I'm going to make sure I cut your pay this month.

How can you cut my pay?

Hey! Better not talk too much. This is Noida. You might disappear.

Don't threaten me, okay? People also disappear from Darbhanga.

Shut up. Get a cloth and wash the car properly.

-Come on! -Do something about the dogs.

They really mess up the place.

Rohan, Ritu, come here. Come here.

Come here. Forget the dogs. Leave the dogs there. Come.

-[Rohan] Bye, Christie. -[Ritu] Bye, Timmy.

Did you hear what Dadaji said?

From now on, those puppies are your responsibility.

You will train them properly. Am I clear?

Now apologize to Dadaji. Right now!

-[both] Sorry Dadaji. -[gruffly] Okay!

Papa, you always side with everyone else.

You asked us to say sorry.

Beta, the thing is that, when there is a terrible storm,

the trees that bend do not break.

[both] Huh?

-I mean, it's okay to say sorry. -[bus honks]

Your bus is here. Come on.

[conductor] Come on kids! Come, come, come. Ah, very good.

Come, sit.

[children chattering indistinctly]

Did you give the check for the fees, sir? Tomorrow is the last date.

Oh, I forgot.

Uh, soon, tomorrow will be done.

Okay, Beta. Uh, be good.

-Good students. Obedient always. -[bus honks]

-Happy anniversary. -Wow, you remembered.

Of course! What did Bhai Sahab get you?

After all these years? Really? [scoffs]

Namaskar, Bhai Sahab.

Mrs. Goel, here is your anniversary cake.

-Rehana, here's your son's birthday cake. -Yes, yes. I'm all set. Wait a minute.

-[Ashoklata] Come on. Send it quickly. -Yes, sending.

The kids are always so eager to eat the cake you make.

By the way, card party at your place tomorrow, right?

-Yeah. -Oh, lovely!

-Can I also come, Bhabhiji? -Oh, namaste.

Namasteji!

Your cake always has a very different flavor.

-Thank you. -[man] So tasty!

I'm always licking my fingers. All ten.

Happy Anniversary, Bhai Sahab.

You've made it happy, Bhabhiji.

I look forward to my anniversary just to get a taste of your cake.

-[quirky music playing] -[chuckles]

-I'll take your leave, okay? -[Mrs. Goel] Okay.

-[awkwardly] See you. -Okay.

-Bye. -[Rehana] Even I need to go.

See you.

[scoffs]

[children chattering indistinctly]

[bus stops]

[Rohan grunts]

Hey! What's wrong? Why are you hitting him?

It's my wish. Come on, give me your snack box!

He won't give it to you. It's for his friends and my friends.

I won't give it to you.

-[Rohan] No, no, no. -[Ritu] Sachi, just leave Bhaiya's bag!

-[Sachi] Give it to me! -[Rohan] Let go.

[both straining, grunting]

[Rohan] Let go of the bag. [Ritu] Just leave it.

[straining, grunting]

[children chattering indistinctly]

[muted dialog]

[somber music playing]

And listen.

I want a new ball tomorrow. I've lost mine.

And if you don't get it, I'll beat you up again.

[somber music continues]

[man] Bastard! He thinks he can hide from me, bloody scoundrel.

Go, go and tell him. I'll find him and hang him in public.

I'm going to blow up his balls.

What's the problem, Chaurasiya? It's the first time I'm seeing you so angry.

What do I tell you, Sahab?

That fucker borrowed money and won't return it.

I need to send money to my mother.

Sahab, can you please give me three thousand?

It's an emergency.

I'll take you to the ATM.

But listen.

It's not a donation. It's a loan.

I'll definitely return it, Sahab.

I thought you'd say no to me.

How can I refuse you?

A mother should never be sad, no matter what.

Give me the paan.

-Let's go. -[Chaurasiya] Yeah.

-Kaalu! -[Kaalu] Yes?

-[Chaurasiya] Keep an eye. -[Kaalu] Sure.

-Hop on. You're good? -[Chaurasiya] Yes.

Let's go.

[quirky music playing]

[man humming]

-[music continues] -[humming continues]

What are you doing? Look ahead and drive.

It's not like my hands have eyes.

[car door opens, closes]

[music continues]

[music stops]

[indistinct chatter]

Varshney sir, good morning.

Oh, wow, Mishraji. Very impressive.

You always make it to work on time.

You are the ideal employee.

And people think no one works in government offices.

The guts! [chuckles]

Anyway, Ansal will be coming. Take a look at his file, all right?

-Hmm? -Okay.

Hey, Reetaji?

-Reetaji! -Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

-What's this, Reetaji? -What?

You are my PA and I've noticed you reach office after me?

You got to leave home on time.

You'll be given a late mark today.

Sorry, sir.

-The department is very strict. -Sorry, sir.

-I'll be careful in the future. -You better be.

Good morning, Mishraji.

[woman 1] Wow! This one is at flat 50.

-[woman 2] Really? -This is cheaper.

-[woman 2] Wow! -[all three women] Morning, sir.

[indistinct chatter]

-[woman 2] Mishraji? -Yes?

You never wish us good morning or good evening.

Are you upset with us about something?

Hey no. [chuckles awkwardly]

Good morning. [chuckles]

Shuklaji. Rehman Sahab.

Hey, Paaji hasn't come yet?

[exhales]

Mishraji, that loan you had applied for on your PF?

The check is here.

-[attendant] Mishraji, chai. -No.

Thank you, Lalithaji. I will deposit this during lunch break.

Mishraji, you feel shy around those ladies, right?

That’s why they tease you so much.

You never tease me, thankfully.

You've opened up to me.

If the government hadn't put us on the same team,

you would still be shy around me as well.

-Or maybe you don't see me as a lady. -Come on, Lalithaji.

Why would you say that? That's not true. [chuckles]

All right, I'm reviewing sector 35 to 40 right now.

I'll look at the ones after that. What have you got for lunch?

Mashed aubergines. [chuckles]

And you?

Potato-peas curry

I'll eat mashed aubergines, you have the potato-peas curry.

Your wife's cooking is amazing.

[lively music playing]

Her food is really delicious.

[music continues]

TEEKA RAM JAIN SWEETS AND NAMKEEN

-Come again. -[bell rings]

Hey, if you don't have change, pay later.

-[music continues] -[muted conversation]

[female customer] Jain Sahab, I only got four samosas last time.

I had asked for five.

Then take two extra this time, Bhabhiji. Absolutely free.

The customer must always be happy.

My tauji from Dubai wants the best bhujia in Noida.

He only the wants the bhujia from here.

Half a kilo extra for you then. At a discount.

Let him enjoy it all the way to Dubai,

and tell him whenever he's here, he must give us feedback.

Hey!

[music stops]

What did that poor little ant do to you?

Don't kill innocent creatures.

[music continues]

Namaskar, Bhai Sahab.

Namaskar, Bhabhiji.

Your ghevar is ready to go.

-Absolutely fresh. -Hmm.

Why don't you come inside and see for yourself, as it gets packed?

Yes.

[sinister music playing]

-Come on, hurry up. -Yes, Raja Bhai.

-Namaste, Jain Sahab. -Namaskar.

[lively music resumes]

[Raja Bhai] Open the door.

[woman panting breathlessly]

[woman exhales]

[helmet woman exhaling deeply]

[yelps]

What is this bitch giving you that I don't give you? Huh?

-[whimpering] -And you!

Hey! You better not touch me, or else I will just…

Beat up your husband. It's not like I cheated on you.

[man] But you did cheat on me.

Where did you say you were going? Huh?

Going to see your friend or going to visit your mom? Huh?

What sort of mother is this? With a beard and mustache?

Dhaincha found them.

Uh, bless you!

-You bloody cheat… -[woman whimpers]

[helmet man's wife] Excellent.

-And you-- -I'll break your bones if you touch him.

-[helmet man whimpers] -Have some shame!

Now this is a real film!

It's filled with romance.

There's action. And there's drama.

None of that bullshit that we saw at the movie theater yesterday.

[sobbing]

I have to go through all this shit because of you.

Here's the money!

Come on, count it.

[helmet woman's husband] You've destroyed my life.

Didn't I love you enough? Tell me? Huh?

Amma always treated you like her daughter.

Bhabhiji, please rate our services.

The thing is that,

these food delivery people, cab service people, all ask for ratings.

That’s how they've become so successful.

We are also into client servicing, right?

-So please give us your feedback. -[slowly] Two, three, four…

We thrashed them well. A proper beating!

-Everything okay? -…ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…

We maintained confidentiality.

…sixteen, seventeen.

-That's 17. -Caught them red-handed.

One, two, three…

-four… -Shall I give five stars?

…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen…

Come on. Let's go.

-…ten, eleven, twelve… -Hey, Lappu.

Why can't you ever learn to count beyond 17?

Then why don't you count it, darling?

-Bastard, I'm your senior. -[scoffs] Hmm.

[Dhaincha] Are we clear? Count it!

Why are you staring at your lover now? Let's go!

If I find the two of you together again, I'll have you killed, okay?

-Come on, let's leave. -Bhabhiji…

[Lappu] …six, seven…

That service is also available.

When the time comes, feel free to reach out to us.

[sinister music playing]

Agarwalji, what if one of your buyers sues you tomorrow?

You know over quality, over safety, if the building collapses, by chance.

Why should you bear the loss?

I have a solid good policy for you. Here, take a look.

I agreed to meet you because you kept hounding me.

Hey!

What kind of policy is this?

I will manage any buyer's case.

I have what it takes.

Should I show you another policy? You could insure your fingers?

They help you pull the trigger, right?

Stop talking shit, bastard! Who the hell insures fingers, huh?

Sir, I guarantee you that anything can be insured.

Jennifer Lopez's butt is insured.

Maradona's legs were insured. And even Michael Jackson's voice?

-Why can't we insure your fingers? -Really?

-Yeah! -Do you play anything?

Mm-hmm, of course I am a player!

Twice a week, I bang your bhabhi.

I also have two, three girlfriends.

Hey, I'm not talking that kind of playing, sir.

Music related.

Any musical instrument? A flute, tabla? Dholak?

I can insure your fingers if you're a musician.

Look at my personality, man! Flute, tabla, dholak!

-Do I look like I play any of these? -Of course!

[upbeat piano music playing]

[camera shutter clicks]

[camera shutter clicks]

[music fades]

[Shambhu] Shri Shri Tansen Agarwal, you are now a policyholder. Huh?

[both chuckling]

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Listen, Mishraji!

Take a look at the file. Hmm?

You give a little. And I'll give a little.

That's all good but

what do I give and what are you offering? Be more clear, Ansalji.

Right, Ansal Sahab?

I mean all I need you to do is…

sign my papers with this green pen.

That’s all I'm asking from you. Hmm?

And in return stacks of green paper, big ones.

You're not a child, Mishraji.

You get what I'm saying, right?

That's about it, Ansalji?

No, I mean, you can look the other way, you know?

[Ansal chuckles]

A few extra floors are not going to make a damn difference to the skyline. Hmm?

Ignore that bit.

This pen is yours, right? Keep it.

Keep it. I have a lot of things to look into.

Hey, you misunderstood…

Mishraji, listen. Please listen to me.

[Ashoklata] You lost the ball and got hurt as well.

Who plays like this, Rohan?

Now I have to spend money to buy another ball.

I also have to get a birthday gift for Rehana Aunty's son. And now this.

[Bindi chuckles]

Bhabhi, take this one.

Hmm.

-All right, pack those three for me. -[salesman] Okay.

[somber music playing]

[salesman] Didi, please come in.

Fresh stock from Banaras! Just came in today.

Munni, tell Mummy to buy this one.

No, Papa buys saris from the other shop.

[salesman] Really? From which shop?

[Ritu] From Sale Uncle's shop.

Papa buys saris for Mummy only from the sale, in different colors.

Papa likes Mummy very, very much.

[salesman] Really?

Bhabhi. Here, Bhabhi.

I've packed all three.

[somber music continues]

-[Lappu] One, two, three, four, five, six… -Hello, Gaur Babu.

-Teeka Ram Jain speaking. -[Lappu] …eight, nine, ten…

We beat up your man as much as we could. But he's just not giving in.

[sinister music playing]

He's saying that he's planning to complain to the CEO of your company.

Tell me what to do next.

If he complains, they'll start an inquiry into the matter.

And the contract for construction will go to that Agarwal Builder.

He's connected with the HR team.

You deal with him. I can't get my hands dirty.

-Please give us a five-star rating. -[Gaur] Yes, Raja Bhai.

[Lappu] Three, four, five…

-Deal with him. -[sinister music playing]

-[cocks gun] -Use a knife, not a gun.

And cover his mouth.

-There are customers in the shop. -Hmm.

[Lappu continues counting]

[man grunts]

[grunting continues]

Raja Bhai, I've counted it. It's all there.

-[knife clinks] -[squelching sound]

[sinister music playing]

-[knife clinks again] -[man grunts loudly]

-[knife clinks again] -[squelching sound]

[light, consistent grunting]

[Bollywood song playing over mobile]

-[song changes] -[grunting, breathing heavily]

[grunting loudly, panting]

[groans loudly]

[groan echoes]

[dog barks outside]

[exhales deeply]

Hmm.

Cash would have been better than this, sir.

You really surprise me.

If I gave you cash, it would feel like you are a whore.

Listen, I really respect you a lot.

Then, next time, I want an iPhone. iPhone 7.

-I'm already giving you a promotion. -But I do my job, isn't it?

I'm asking for an iPhone in exchange for sex.

Besides, it's for my brother, Guddu.

Come on, your brother Guddu is a real fucking asshole!

It's a deal.

Fuck me seven times, and I'll get you one.

iPhone 7.

[Reeta] You are so naughty, sir!

[man] Varshney Sahab, Namaste.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Ansal] Society is not very different from the jungle.

In the food chain, the one on top eats the one at the bottom.

Just like you were eating her up.

Namasteji.

Now, I'll eat you.

Uh, did you see everything?

No!

I didn't see much, but I heard it.

When you climaxed like a buffalo in the end.

Anyway, Varshney Sahab, given the state you were in,

if anyone watched you, they won't get hard for a month. Hmm?

[Ansal chuckles]

How did you get in here?

Good question.

You paid the security guard downstairs so he wouldn't allow anyone to come up.

I paid him to let me in, and he agreed.

He is a good man.

He took the money and did the job.

He's not a motherfucker like you, sir.

I went ahead and allotted a flat to your wife in my building for free

and that junior of yours, Mishra,

he thinks he can show me attitude? Huh?

Ansal Sahab, what do I do now?

You know…

[placating tone] Ansal Sahab…

You know what, he's handling your sector now.

He's an honest man.

Your job will be done. You need to be patient.

The file needs a signature. His or yours, Varshney.

Otherwise, next week…

you will take the place of this madam, and I will take yours.

Same room also.

And during office hours, I will make sure you get fucked up!

Come on, Ansal Sahab, what are you saying? [nervous chuckle]

You know… this is…

I mean, I'll talk to Mishra myself. Okay?

Namaste.

-[tense music playing] -[footsteps receding]

[Mishra breathes heavily]

But we did it last night. Now again?

Tell me if you're not in the mood.

No.

-You're not? -No. [chuckles]

-[mobile ringing] -[Mishra grunts]

-Hey, ignore it. Don't answer. -[mobile continues ringing]

Doesn't your office close at 5:30 every day?

-Two minutes. Two minutes. -[Ashoklata chuckles]

[Varshney] Hello, Mishra?

I have seen Ansal's file. I didn't really find any issues with it.

And even if there are any issues, deal with it during the construction, huh?

Sign it for now at least.

Give me this in writing, I'll sign the papers.

Everything cannot be given in writing, Mishra.

Huh? Look, these types of projects should not be stopped.

Bloody make some money for emergencies, man.

You'll regret this later.

Yes, sir, but I'm just trying to run my department with some honesty.

Money is knocking at your door, and you are kicking it away.

-What kind of an idiot are you, fucker? -Sir, why are you abusing me?

You know what I'm going to…

I'm going to have you transferred to some really shitty place.

-Would you like that? Tell me. -No, no. I don't want a transfer.

My family is already settled here in Noida.

And, sir, I mean, why… why should I be transferred?

It's not like I have done something wrong?

It's not like you did anything right either!

Uh, forget it.

Come to the office tomorrow. I'll speak to you then.

All right, sir. Good night. Huh.

M-M-M-M Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.

P-P-P-P Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa.

[all three chanting] Mmmmmm.

-Listen. -Hmm?

-[nervously] Come for a minute. -What happened?

Come.

You keep going. Don't stop. Mummy, Mummy, Mummy…

-What happened? -Just watch the news.

[kids continue chanting]

[reporter on TV] A massive scam rocks Noida's Vaibhavlakshmi Bank.

All bank accounts have been frozen.

Most of the government employees have accounts in this bank.

Your salary account is in this bank, right?

[woman on TV] Customers are worried about losing their money

[reporter on TV] We've just received a breaking news.

Vaibhavlakshmi Bank is embroiled in a massive scam.

The RBI has frozen all withdrawals.

Account holders can withdraw only 5,000 rupees per month.

[woman] Vaibhavlakshmi…

The PF money, did you withdraw it yesterday?

[news report continues]

[voice trembling] I deposited it into this account.

[tense music playing]

[music intensifies]

[music fades]

That's our money and they won't allow us to touch it?

You better arrange for the money. If you don't pay up,

your family will have to.

Such situations cause lot of suicides, Bhai Sahab.

If you can help us with some money…

I will not be able to help you at all.

You know, Mishra is just a surname. His name is chuggad. [echoes]

I won't come back till I find a solution.

[tense music playing]

[suspenseful music playing]

-CA Topper. -[grunts]

[exhales] Ooh!

-CA Topper. -[wails in pleasure]

[fast-paced music playing]

I know everything. What the fuck is going on?

Male prostitute?

-Mishraji? -Yes.

Isn't that also illegal, Sudhaji?

We fell in love with each other, right? We haven't committed any crime.

Don't spare that motherfucker at any cost.

[Gaur screams]

[Dhaincha] I will not spare him, Raja Bhai.

[gun cocks]

[thunder rumbling]

[fast-paced music]

[all grunting]

-Hey, limper. You wanna race? -[grunts]

[strains]

[screams] Ah, ah!

[screams] Ah, ah, ah!

No CCTV. Get out of here! Out! Get out!

[resounding slap, echoes]

[echoes] I'm not a chuggad anymore.

[echoes continue]

[Mishra] I feel I've just got my wings.

I want to fly high. I don't think I'll be able to stop now.

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