Original subtitles

Captions by Able. www.able.co.nz

Forget something?

I'm Mack, Rob's wife.

Oh.

Uh...

I'm Tui, Rob's sex worker.

Oh my God.

Oh God. OK.

OK, right.

Um, not what I was expecting.

OK, look, here's the next 10 minutes of your life...

I tell you to piss off, and you refuse.

You demand some answers, you get them, but you don't like them, OK?

You get upset, angry, you throw a dildo at me.

I call the cops. They explain sex work is fully legal here.

You start crying. It's a lot.

Wait, is this a fetish thing? Is he into this shit?

Should I be doing him with the strap-on or peeing on his face?

OK, I guess we're doing this.

Look, maybe he just wants someone new.

Yeah, well, I get that.

Do you like what you do?

None of your fuckin' business.

I mean, I see the appeal.

Easy money. - It's not easy money.

Oh.

- Hi, Bridget. - Hey, Mack,

are you on our way? - Hey, yeah.

Uh, I'm sorry. I thought Rob was doing the school run today.

- That's OK. - Listen, um, I'm just winding up

with a contractor, so... - OK, all good.

- Uh, yeah, I'll be right there. - We'll see you soon.

- Sorry. - Bye.

OK.

Hm. All right.

Look,

it's not a kink thing.

It's barely even a sex thing.

Mostly, he just writes me some poetry, I tell him he's a genius,

and then...

we cuddle.

Oh my God.

Honestly, I'm doing you a fuckin' favour.

So you should really be thanking me.

♪ Well, I'm here

♪ to remind you

♪ of the mess you left

♪ when you went away.

♪ It's not fair.

♪ To deny me

♪ of the cross I bear

♪ that you gave to me.

♪ You, you, you

♪ oughta know

♪ Did you forget about me,

♪ Mr Duplicity?

♪ I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.

♪ It was a slap in the face

♪ how quickly I was replaced,

♪ and are you thinking of me

♪ when you fuck her?

♪ Cos the love that you gave that we made wasn't able

♪ to make it enough for you...

George, my little man.

There you are.

♪ And every time you speak her name,

♪ does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died,

♪ till you died? But you're still alive,

♪ and I'm here,

♪ to remind you

♪ of the mess you left

♪ when you went away.

♪ It's not fair,

♪ to deny me— ♪

Mack, look, I wanna get your take

on what I've been working on this afternoon.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - They'll be coming at me

about this again like you were saying.

I think I'm open to a broader, more commercial treatment.

Hey, Mum, I'm hungry.

Can you turn that down?

The world is not ready

for my work on the collective rural consciousness.

Mm, uh-huh.

- Have you started dinner? - Well, he said he wasn't hungry.

Oh, sorry!

Maybe there's no shame in writing something that ends up

in Oprah's Book Club, you know.

Noam, could you please turn that down?

I just need to pivot, you know, just gotta Trojan horse

the cultural insight, chuck in some graphics, axe the appendices,

a digestible title.

What— What are you talking about?

Freedom and Chips.

- What? - It's a play on 'fish and chips',

talking about how Aotearoa New Zealand can leverage

the cultural capital we're building up.

You didn't kill that chicken.

- Well, I said I'd take care of it. - Damn.

- Ah, it's almost dead anyway. - Look, it's sick.

You gotta put her out of her misery.

Look, I know Freedom and Chips isn't The Second Sex,

but while we're stuck in NZ, I should write about NZ.

We're not stuck, Rob; we've been here 15 years.

I'm just saying we came to write a book, didn't we?

Yeah. And found out exactly how important free health care is.

You know, I just spent the week writing a 500-word column

about a sheep who can predict the weather.

I can't be this guy any longer.

Oh, about that other bank account of yours,

you know the one $180 is coming out of your pay every couple of weeks

in cash at an ATM

in town same day, same time?

Yeah, it's— it's for us. It's, um...

Well, it's been ages since we've had a holiday,

so I was waiting to tell you, just the two of us.

Surprise.

Surprise.

Oh, hey, I said I'm totally fine to do...

that.

Sorry.

Rob.

Lima.

OK, you ready for your shower?

Hey, Toby, don't use all the hot water this time.

- Oh, look who's talking. - Fuck off.

Mum, he spends, like, an hour in there every single time.

It's his happy place.

Thanks, doll. - Yeah, it's all good.

Mack.

Yeah.

- Mack. - Mm-hm?

- Mack, hey. - Yeah?

Can you take over? I gotta do something.

Yeah.

Thanks.

You all right there, bud?

- What the fuck is this? - New initiative for valued clients.

10 trips, get a free gobbie.

- I don't do freebies. - Do you do unemployment?

- Oh. Hi. - Are you actually stalking me?

No.

No, I am not here for you.

Yeah. No wonder,

really needs to work on her bedside manner, this one.

I keep offering to upskill her.

- Come on then. - What about my blowjob?

- Are you gonna pay for it? - Um, I mean...

Fuck off.

Hey, we'll be talking about this. You turned up late today.

Yeah, that's a $50 fine. - I don't work for free, dickhead.

Sorry about her. Cheeky bitch.

Welcome to Shadows. - Hey.

Not often we get a female client walk through those doors.

You know why? Women are less in touch with their sexuality.

Good to know

Hey, baby.

Here's the line-up.

Take your pick. - Yeah?

He gets first dibs.

Play nice...

at least for now, baby.

Hi.

Who to choose,

who to choose today.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

Aren't they spectacular?

Are they always like this?

- Depends. - On what?

How much porn they've watched.

It depends on what they want.

What does he want?

You want a nice woman for a nice time, don't you, baby?

What about you, honey, hmm?

What do you want?

I wanna watch.

Ooh.

Come here, sweetheart.

The lady needs to sit in your chair.

She likes to watch too.

Here, you just stick her in a box. - Oh, OK.

- Anything special for you, baby? - Uh, well, thank you for asking.

I'd like to do you from behind and splooge in your hair.

Oh. Well, I would like that.

Extra 50 bucks for the hair. - Yeah.

How about you put that on?

How about you, blondie? Are you ready for a good time?

Oh.

That's nice.

Are you good?

Oh.

Oh, very sexy.

That's, um... lovely.

I think we're ready now.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah? Come on, big boy.

Yeah.

Sorry. It's the cat.

I'm sorry. Do you mind, um...

- Oh. - Yeah.

Sure.

Come on.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

You're really good. You must get a lot of work.

Can I ask how much you earn? - What?

It's my kink.

Oh.

In that case,

on a good night, I take about five hundy.

Sexy.

And, um, I imagine you're a contractor, right?

So how does it work with tax? Is that gross or net?

Oh, you're so big.

And benefits, like, do you get holiday pay?

- What? - Hey, can we?

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, of course. - Yes.

- You all right? - Yeah.

Mmm, yes.

There you are.

Ooh, yeah.

Give me your hair!

God.

- You all good? - Yeah.

You? - Yep.

That Dion's a douchebag, huh?

First time at a brothel?

Yep.

Thoughts?

Uh...

I don't know.

I guess I thought that because sex work was legal here,

that it would be nicer,

more respectful.

What did you expect — An ethical brothel?

What's your deal...

stay-at-home mum who gets her rocks off

watching others do the work for a change, eh?

It's Cherry, right?

I'll be in touch.

Wait, what?

Why?

But everything I'm telling you is completely aboveboard,

and it's been vacant since forever, so why do you care who rents it?

OK, well, if you change your mind, you have my number.

Hey.

- You go somewhere last night? - Yep.

Why are you being so weird this morning?

I'm not being weird. We're leaving in 30 seconds.

- Hey, Cass. - Morning.

Cass.

Hi, Toby.

Oh, hey, I need you to do pick-up this afternoon.

Mum, I'll be in the car.

Why? Why can't you?

I have a meeting

with the bank manager at 2.30.

- I'm starting a new business. - What?

- I'm opening a brothel. - Hey?

Yeah, I got the idea from you, actually.

Have fun.

See you later.

♪ We gotta go around women's issues.

♪ There's no dismissing...

So sex work, despite being the oldest profession in the world,

is still shrouded in shame and secrecy and stigma.

So my proposal is— - Mack!

Hey.

- You know my husband, Rob? - Yeah.

How ya goin'? - Oh, yeah.

- How are ya? - Gidday.

- Grab a seat. - Right.

Um...

So I visited Shadows last night,

the, uh, only brothel in town.

It is not well-run,

slimy as hell.

So the manager tells me he has over 10,000 people on his contact list.

There's barely 100,00 people in Northland,

two-thirds of them are women and children.

Do the math. - OK, stop! Can you just... stop.

Please.

Could you excuse us one minute?

What's up?

OK. You're pissed. Yeah, I get it, OK?

I fucked up, but you can't— - I'm not angry.

- Mack. - Really.

I'm actually relieved — which I'm trying not to feel bad about.

If... If you two need some time...

I can... - Uh...

yeah, nah, we're— we're good.

We're just, you know... metabolising the emotion.

I'm a writer. - Oh, OK.

Yeah.

So I'm thinking if I can grab 10% market share,

I could be making 35 gross per week.

- Yeah, it's a compelling pitch. - Right.

So,

what would I do with $50,000?

There is the first three months' projected return.

Oh, I can't give you a loan.

We have a morality clause in our contracts.

Oh, I will be running a profoundly moral business.

It's about our morals...

not yours.

Right.

OK.

In that case, um, we would like to take out a small personal loan

against the house so that we can renovate our bathroom

for our disabled son

if that passes your morality test.

Yeah, uh...

Yes, it does.

Great.

But, um, I mean, he inherited the house, so it's still under his name,

so if... if you're happy to— To sign for it...

Uh...

So,

you might wanna take that away

and look at it. - Thank you so much, John.

No worries.

This is Mackenzie Leigh. She's an American.

She wants to take over the motel.

No, just a couple of rooms, actually.

Yeah, she's, uh, opening up a brothel.

Isn't that modern?

10K a month.

No, as I said, I— I just want a couple of rooms.

10K a month.

And you can keep running your motel.

10K a month.

I know this place is already being used for sex work.

10K a month.

Oh my...

There's a couple of shops on Main St.

No, I have asked about every vacant joint in Featherton Bay.

Despite telling them that I would be running an ethical brothel...

Oh, luckily, Sandy doesn't care about ethics.

- Do you, Sandy? - 10K a month.

I don't wanna run a motel.

Well, I could always stay on and run it for you.

Our next performer is Max Rocket,

and he's going gonna be doing some comedy.

Friends and families,

today I am going to be entertaining you with some stand-up...

oops, I mean sitting-down comedy.

Let me just warm up my voice.

- Hello. - Hi, Deziyah. It's Mack.

I watched you get taken from behind a couple of nights ago.

- Oh yeah. - Yeah.

- What do you want? - Listen, um...

So, I'm opening a brothel, and I'd like you to come and work for me.

Why would I do that?

Well, for a start, because Dion is an absolute idiot.

- You mean 'my boyfriend'. - Oh.

How long have you guys been together? - Fuck off.

Just— Oh.

Mack.

Nice to see you outside of parent-teacher interviews.

Yeah, yeah, you too, you too.

Oh, we'll so sad to say goodbye to Toby after he graduates.

Are any other kids waiting for his spot?

Do you think we could maybe stay on until the...

Well, no. It's school policy that when he ages out,

he has to move on and make space for another student.

Coming.

Hello, you. Sandy told me you're gonna be moving in.

Uh, so...

you got experience? - Yep.

Well, you know, I mean, I've had sex.

I basically already am a sex worker,

but, like, volunteer vibes, you know.

What special skills could you bring?

Um, well...

I am a Scorpio.

I know how to tie a pig,

um, so I could... I could probably tie a man.

He just, like, broke up with me.

Sorry, my EQ is just, like, off the charts, you know.

I'm quite sensitive.

I've been doing sensual massage for about four years now...

if you need a rub down.

- Do you do Greek? - Greek, um, European,

um, Asian,

North American, South American, Scandinavian, Antarctica one time.

Just no Australians.

Greek is the 'industry' term for anal sex.

Oh, fuck no.

Fuck yes, absolutely. I love it. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

If the animals don't do it, I don't do it.

Ethan loved anal.

Do you see yourself in this line of work?

Do you?

- Do I see you as a sex worker? - Yeah.

Only if you wanna be

seen as a sex worker.

Straight in there, pants down, dick in the mouth,

up against the wall.

I could totally titty fuck.

Oh, baby, fuck.

Oh, sorry, not swearing.

I think I'd just be straight up. I'd say, you know,

'What are your— What sort of things do you like,

'you know, with limits?'

I just need to, like, have a little moment, and then I'm fine.

Like, I'm actually a really good employee.

- Great. - Yeah.

Well, that's a start.

Tui.

Fuck no. I will take out a restraining order.

No, no, listen to me. Listen to me.

I'm— I'm starting a brothel, an ethical brothel,

and I want you to come work for me.

Come on. You don't wanna work at Shadows.

Oh, true, nice white lady. Please, tell me more about what I want.

Well, you could be earning more and being treated better.

Plus, listen, there is an untapped market.

Trust me, it's tapped.

At my brothel, you'll control who you see, what you do,

and when you do it.

It's business run by women for women without misogyny or violence.

I'm taking sex work out of the shadows.

- Funny - Yeah, I thought so.

Why are you doing this?

Remember you told me that you were doing me a favour.

You were right.

I can't give Rob what he wants...

but it's not entirely true. I don't want to. I'm fucking exhausted.

I don't have time for pet names and love poetry

and telling him that I still think he's got a best-seller in him.

So he wants more. He doesn't want out, neither do I,

and if you can give him what he wants,

then why should he be ashamed of that?

Like, why should you, why should I?

Why does shame even have to be part of the equation?

I'm not ashamed...

but that didn't even occur to you. - Oh no, I...

You have no fuckin' idea how this world works.

Go have a midlife crisis in your own fuckin' country. Thank you.

- OK. - Bye.

Fair call.

Good luck with Dion.

Fuck.

I've been thinking about that teaching gig in Auckland.

Yeah, look, I know it's not ideal, but it's good money.

It's only a semester.

Teaching days, writing nights.

Freedom and Chips.

Maybe something a little more raw,

more...

autobiographical?

Our unique experience...

sex work bringing us back together.

Rob, I need you here.

Right. Yeah, no, it's...

It's fine. I mean, I'll— I'll tell them no.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Hey...

I do love you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love you too.

Good.

Mmm.

Mmm.

You know I'm never gonna see her again.

Who?

Oh, Tui.

Yeah, well, you should have told me that before I offered her a job.

No, I'm serious. I need experienced sex workers.

And good taste — she's hot.

And, hey, if you're good, I'll offer you a free session on the house.

Come on, Mack.

Come on. Look, I'm not gonna suddenly become a person

that loves spooning, but you should have that,

and I am really OK with it.

OK, so you're just totally fine if I fuck hookers?

Well, they prefer the term 'sex worker'.

But this is a great business.

And with Toby ageing out of school, this could put us ahead financially.

Oh, OK, well, so, what, you're just gonna start a business

with the woman I cheated on you with?!

Genius Come on, don't be like that.

Don't you use this as an excuse to go eat, pray, pimp.

Oh, but it's OK for you to write it

and clog up our hallway with unsold books?

- At least I fucking wrote one! - Exactly.

I backed you for 15 years. It is my turn to have a thing.

I am taking that job.

You do whatever you need to do.

But if you think I'm signing that loan document,

you're fuckin' mental!

How long's Dad gone for?

Uh, a semester.

Don't worry. He'll get back to see us when he can.

Are you and Dad OK?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, no, totally. We're..

We're good.

You know, same, same.

Yeah.

Hey, what's this?

Just an idea I had for a business.

Ah, here she is, the Big Mac, mac and cheese.

It's gonna be so cool working alongside each other...

you doing the brothel, me doing the motel.

- Jules, I need to talk to you. - Yeah, me too.

I'm not sure about the name. - Mac and Cheese?

No. SweetHearts — Does it feel a bit misogynist?

Well, I guess that was the point — We were taking it back.

Oh, oh.

Listen, uh, here's the thing.

Hey, there's something you need to see.

You have a great penis. You have a great penis.

That's a great penis. Wow, look at that penis.

Wow, that's quite a penis.

Congratulations on your penis.

They all showed up — And then some.

Look, I'm sure you have

an inspirational opening day peptalk memorised,

but Sandy wants a chat first.

He needs rent and bond paid as soon as possible.

Oh, hello. Can I help you?

So I'm here.

And you'd better not be full of shit, because I just told Dion

the only thing smaller than his dick is his brain.

You have a great penis. What a great penis.

What?

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Pass me a pen, babe.

Mum,

who's that?

Oh.

She works for me.

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

♪ and they're like, 'It's better than yours.'

♪ Damn right, it's better than yours.

♪ I could teach you, but I have to charge.

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

♪ and they're like, 'It's better than yours.'

♪ Damn right, it's better than yours.

♪ I can teach you, but I have to charge.

♪ I know you want it,

♪ that thing that makes me,

♪ what the guys go

♪ crazy for.

♪ They lose their mind. ♪