Original subtitles

Will you not come, no?

Linda, come on. You can't stay here.

Will you not just come with me?

Is it cos it's a mobile home?

Is it cos of what you look like?

I told you I'll get it sorted for you.

Get the plastic surgeon in and you'll end up looking better than what you were.

I can't stay here, Linda. I tell you one thing.

I'm going to get that John Boy scumbag.

Before he gets me, I'll get him. I swear.

She says she's happy it's going to be a boy, but I know she wants a girl.

I said we'll try again, but I don't know if I could do it over.

Two is perfect. Three, I just don't know.

What did I do now?

If you don't like it here, fuck off. No-one's asking you to stay.

- I didn't say anything. - I can see you looking.

I wasn't. Where am I supposed to look?

Don't look at me with that smart look. I know what you're thinking.

I'm not thinking anything.

I told her not to be smoking spliff in the house.

She thinks I do a bit of Charlie Chan, it's the same deal.

It's not the fuckin' same thing.

- (Buzzer) - See who that is.

Letting her smoke shit in the house, she'd be leaving it everywhere.

I get me shit, I do it. It's done, all gone.

- Cops got nothing on me. That dopey bitch... - It's Tommy.

- Are you on your own? - Yeah.

- Anyone near you? - No.

- Make sure the door's closed after you. - Yeah.

- Here. - Nah.

Have to keep the head together in case Trish has to go to hospital.

She could pop at any time.

New house rule, Nidge.

Shut the fuck up about your missus having the sprog. I heard you the first time.

I'm delighted for you. You're having another you.

Fair fucks. You done well.

You can put Nidge Weasel and Sons over the shop door. Whatever.

But don't be going on to me about it no more unless she has it.

- Does that seem fair? - Yeah.

He's inside.

Are you all right?

You sure?

Yeah.

I know you're proud, happy, but... You know what I mean?

Yeah.

- All right. - No, he's sulking.

I'm not.

- Security not on today? - What would I need it for when I'm here?

I'd be broke if they were on 24/7. Here.

Tell Siobhan she's playing a blinder.

Up all last night I was, looking at the CCTV.

- Did you see your ghost? - I saw fuck all.

What do you think it is?

- You don't think it could be Hughie? - Hughie.

Sure what would Hughie be doing back here?

Don't know. Looking out for you.

He's got the whole of the universe to go anywhere he wants

and he comes back here? Bollocks.

Hughie'd have found some bollock butt-naked picnic party, pina coladas,

pussy, a big telescope looking down on me. "All right, brother!"

Bollocks!

Have you two found that fucker for me yet?

Not yet, no.

You'd want to get the finger out, wouldn't yous?

I want to get him before he gets me. Yeah?

- Where will I drop you off? - Anywhere round here.

- Up here OK? - Yeah, here's cool.

Unless you want the company. I'm doing nothing else.

I haven't seen her in ages. I want to meet her on my own.

No problem. I was only thinking cos I'm doing nothing else anyway.

- Talk to you whenever. Happy Christmas. - I'll see you before Christmas.

What's the story?

Has security on him everywhere he goes.

Come on, lads! (Whistles)

Linda, will you call me back?

I was thinking we can book into a hotel for Christmas.

After that, maybe get an apartment down here.

What do you think? Will you ring me back?

- Nigel! - I'm here.

- Wrecked I am. - Are you all right?

- That's Santy done. - What'd you get him?

What he wrote on his list for his Santy letter.

If you're getting me something, get me speakers for this.

Then it won't be a surprise, will it?

- Don't only get me that. - I'm not getting you speakers.

Are we leaving his Santy toys in the boot?

Where else can we put them?

What?

How much longer are we going to be here for?

- I'm not too sure, babe. - Are we going to be here for Christmas?

That's a yes, then.

Cos the cot and the little bath and everything is in the house.

Don't worry, babe. I'll get it sorted before you pop.

When do you think we can move back home?

When that prick isn't around to bother us no more.

But it's John Boy he's after, not us.

- Hey. - Rosie. I'm so sorry I'm late.

- Have you been waiting long? - You're grand.

I'm only off the bus there now.

I was halfway out to the airport.

- I told you I was getting the bus. - Sorry.

Relax, you're here now.

- What are you smiling at? - Nothing. Is this all you have?

- Yeah. Travelling light I am. - But you are staying?

Yeah. All I really had was a telly. I let my flatmate keep it.

Sure, I have a telly.

- Do you? - Yeah.

- You can come round and watch it if you want. - Maybe I will.

Got all the channels and everything.

- So is your ma expecting you today? - Today or tomorrow.

Would she be upset if you didn't turn up?

- Why, thinking of kidnapping me? - Yeah. Maybe I am.

- Making me walk the plank? - I might have to tie you up first.

I'll have to let you first.

- Will we go for a drink? - Yeah, where do you want to go?

- Have you got any beers back at yours? - Yeah, I've got beer, vodka.

- I've got a full bar licence. - Yeah? Go get me drunk so.

- What? - Nothing. Nothing.

Hi, Da. Didn't think you were coming.

- Can you come in? - Not really.

Ma won't mind.

- I could introduce you to my friends. - I can't.

That's OK.

Hop in. I want to show you something up the road.

- Ma will be wondering where I am. - Come on. Have you back in half an hour.

Linda, this is shit. You're putting me in the doghouse for nothing.

If you don't ring me back I'm going to come back there and wreck the gaff

and then we'll see what you do.

All I want you to do is ring me back. This is bollocks.

Come out and look after the dogs. I'll be back in a bit. Come on!

What are we doing here, Da?

(Bleeps)

- It's your present. - It's mine?

Oh, my God. You're not joking.

It's your birthday present and your Christmas present all in one.

Da, it's amazing. It's unbelievable.

- Thank you so much. - Happy birthday.

It's nothing. All the lads wear them.

You've never worn them.

- Does someone want to shoot you, Da? - Kayleigh, come here to me.

Please, Da. Don't get yourself killed.

Kayleigh, listen to me.

That's not going to happen.

Yeah?

The whole way through the pregnancy the thought of doing it made me gag.

Now two weeks to go, I'm so horny. I'd get up on Shrek.

I would!

- Excuse me. - Yes, madame.

Could I have a glass of white wine please, chardonnay?

- Glass of wine, Mary? - Uh...

Ah, go on. I hardly see you these days.

- OK. I'll have the same. - OK.

- How come you're drinking? - Ah, fuck it.

The baby's cooked at this stage.

So how's the romance going with Joe?

- Are you getting wined, dined and sixty-nined? - I wish.

Ah, he's all right. I can take it or leave it.

What's wrong with him?

Nothing. There's nothing wrong with him I suppose.

It's just.. He's a bit mean.

What, does he not buy you things?

I don't want him to buy me things. I'm not looking for money or anything,

but he never pays for anything.

- He pays for nothing? - No.

You pay?

It's like.. Don't say anything but like the other day.

He said to me he wanted to get me an Xbox for Christmas.

But I don't want an Xbox but that's what he wanted.

He said, why didn't we go halves on one together

so we could buy it for each other. I didn't even want one.

- The tight-ass. - I know.

What are you doing with him?

I don't know.

- Here, what'll we drink to? - Shrek.

I heard about Stephen. Stumpy getting shot.

Yeah, I know.

Look, it's nothing to do with me if that's what you're thinking.

No.

- Do they know who did it? - Nope.

To be honest, I couldn't give a fuck.

I know it's hard on his ma and all but... he was what he was.

Let's not talk about it.

- It's good to be back. - Yeah.

London was fine but I missed home.

I had no friends really.

- Had no-one to keep you company? - No.

- You? - No.

- No-one? - No.

- What about you? - No.

I was lonesome for you.

I was lonesome for you.

That was nice.

- Forgot what that was like. - Yeah.

We better get you back to your ma's.

Funny boy.

Missed you.

You too.

(Giggles)

(Sighs)

I love you.

I love you.

I miss you.

I wish I could stay here forever.

Never have to leave this room.

We don't have to.

Linda!

(TV on)

Linda!

Linda, do you not answer your fuckin' phone any more?

- I was heading out for a bit. - Mmm.

Did Kayleigh like her new car?

Can I get some money off you?

I want to buy some Christmas stuff.

I wanted to get a new handbag as well.

- How much do you want? - Maybe a thousand.

- For a handbag? - That's how much they cost.

Thanks.

(Rap music)

Don't know, Ado. I'm clean the past three months.

It's up to yourself, man. I don't want to see anyone stuck short over the Christmas.

- I know. I'm skint. - You can sort me out again, yeah?

Go on. I'll get you back.

I'll give you a hand with them. I was just having a quick smoke.

- Don't worry about it. I'll do it. - No, give me that.

You've enough food in here to feed an army.

260 it was for everything.

Jesus, the price of things these days. Unbelievable.

- That's not including drink, is it? - No.

- I can pay for the drink if you like. - Yeah, you can.

And you know what you can do? You can drink it on your own.

- What do you mean, Mary? - Know what you are? You're a leech.

- Do you know that? - I said I'd pay for the drink, didn't I?

You know what you can do with yourself? You can fuck off.

I just wanted to see is all.

I know I'm supposed to ring beforehand.

- It's not that, Luke. It's just... - Inappropriate.

No. They love seeing you but it's just not good for you. You know?

I just wanted to say hello.

Have you got somewhere to go for Christmas?

Ah, yeah. I'm meeting my da's new family in Cork.

Rang me up out of the blue.

Are you going to be OK?

I've some good mates, you know.

It's hard having no family at Christmas.

I've got this one mate, he's great.

- And do you have a girlfriend, Luke? - I have a sort of one.

But she's got kids.

She's my mate's sister.

How are you, do you have a ticket?

Give the little elf your ticket.

- What's his name? - It's Warren.

- How old is he? - He's five.

OK.

Come on. You're next to see Santy, buddy.

Don't forget to tell him what you want. You remember? No?

(Phone rings)

You can come through now.

Doesn't matter. Santy will know. Tell him you put it all in your letter.

(Gasps) Who is it? Who is it? Who's that?

Come on, buddy. I'm here with you.

- Do you want your present from Santy, Warren? - Yeah?

Come on. We're holding up the whole queue.

- Who do we have here now? - This is Warren. He's been a good boy all year.

And what do you want from Santa this year? Presents?

Well, here's one now for you.

- What do you say? - Thank you.

You'll be in bed early, won't you, for Christmas Eve?

Santa only comes to boys and girls who go to bed early.

(Rings)

You won't forget to leave out carrots for Rudolph?

Take the photo, so.

OK, Warren. Big smile for Santy.

(Stops incoming call)

Do you not answer your phone now?

I'm seeing Santy with Warren. What's the story?

Fran the Man's missus is after topping herself.

- Did you hear me? - Yeah.

So he's going to be coming out of whatever hole he was hiding in.

- What did she do? - Did you not hear me the first time?

- She topped herself. - Yeah, but how?

How should I know?

But it's a result for us so we're going to get moving.

Yeah. All right.

- For God's sake. - Ah, for Jesus sake.

- Come here, buddy, you're all right. - For the love of Christ.

Sorry, Santy.

(Sniffs and sighs)

I don't know which one.

I don't want a cheap one, but I don't...

I want a good one, you know.

This one here is from our premier selection.

It's very traditional.

You know about her face?

I want her to look like herself.

Not too much make-up. No red on her cheeks or nothing.

But you can sort that out?

I want her to look beautiful like she was before.

Before they done that to her.

- All right? - Yeah.

What are you doing with that?

John Boy asked me to pick one up for him.

He's going to keep it in the gaff?

Well, he doesn't want to end up dead, does he?

(Buzzer)

- You all right? - Yeah, why?

Don't shake like that in front of John Boy. You'll be grand.

- All right. - All right.

Cheers.

- Did you get that for me? - Yeah.

So, what's the story? Fran dead yet?

- No. - Why not?

What are you waiting for?

(Knocking)

- All right, Debs. - I have money.

Cool, yeah. What I'm charging is practically giving it away.

This is my budgie. It's a beaut.

- What's his name? - Ado.

His name's Ado?

Yeah. I couldn't think of a name for him, so I named him after myself.

Want to hit the road or shoot up here?

Here?

Think I'll join you.

We're here now Mick, all right.

I don't know. He's been joyriding since he was a nipper.

- Nidge, he's a kid. - Doesn't matter. You seen him drive?

- I'm not using him. - He's unreal, I seen him.

He's like Evel Knievel only in a car.

Wheelies, back flips, loop the loops.

He can make a motor do whatever he wants.

With Micka driving, no matter what happens, you get out of there.

- All right, Nidge. - Micka. How's things?

- All right. - Good man. Jump in and we'll drive.

We need a car ready to go like that. Want me to get it or can you?

- I have one already marked. - What is it?

Subaru Impreza. WRX STI. Fuckin' savage car.

Mr Micka Top Gear is what you are.

The fella who owns it is on holidays.

- Make sure you burn it afterwards. - Yeah.

That's for you. Buzz on home and charge it. I'll call you later.

- Keep it on. - Yeah.

- And don't be going out. - No.

So that's me clear then, is it Nidge?

- How much is it you owe now? - 1500.

Right. Do it right and I'll leave you off. How's that?

Sound, Nidge. Game ball.

So when I move in this room is mine, yeah?

No, this half of the bed is yours.

I thought we were flatmates. Do flatmates not get their own room?

- No, we're bunk buddies. - Bunk buddies. I like that.

- I want a TV in here. - A big one?

- Yeah. Huge. - Jeez, I don't know.

Why not?

I put a TV in here and then next thing, one day I wake up

and you've got the curlers in your hair and the slippers on and you're watching Corrie.

- It'll be like, where's sexy Rosie gone to? - No curlers.

- Swear? - I swear.

Do you think we'll find time for the other if you're watching TV all the time in here?

- Are you worried it might kill the passion? - Yeah, a bit.

I'm worried all your TV-watching will cut into our baby-making time.

- I forgot. - It's OK.

- You OK? - Yeah.

Well, we can watch TV and make babies at the same time.

- Do you want to? - Well, I'd prefer to have the TV off.

No, Darren, seriously.

I mean, is that what you want? Babies with me?

Yeah. Yeah, 100%.

Do you want kids in general or with me?

No. Only with you.

- What did you do with her? - I didn't do nothing.

- Where is she? - Locked herself in the bedroom.

- What the fuck is she doing in there? - She's mad in the head.

Said she wouldn't come out until you were here.

Show me where she is.

In there.

Debbie. It's Tommy.

Open the door, will you?

Debbie.

- Tommy? - Yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm a mess.

Did something happen?

Are you all right?

It's all shit, you know.

Everything.

I'll bring you home.

I'll drop you here so we're not seen.

You need help, you know that?

Look, is there any point in saying anything to John Boy?

He'd put me out.

Probably kill me first.

It used to be good.

- But now I hate him. - Move out, then.

- Move back to your folks. - They wouldn't have me back.

I'll stay where I am.

Maybe you should think about moving out anyway.

Yeah? And go where?

Are you going to look after me?

(Buzzes)

Yeah.

He's in his local boozer. Been drinking all night.

Going in and out of the bookie's next door. All right?

(Sighs) Yeah.

Stop the car.

Stop the car!

Keep the car running. Don't rev it.

(Snorting)

Remember, don't rev it.

I'm going for the next one.

(Alarm)

Fuck.

- Fucked up. - Get rid of the car.

- What happened? - Bookies closed the door on me.

Shot through the window.

- You didn't get him? - No!

Whoo!

Whoo!

(Phone rings)

- Everything OK, baby? - My waters broke when I was in the shower.

- When? - Just there now.

- We've a bit of time, do we? - Nigel, my waters are after breaking!

- We have a couple of hours. - No, we don't. I need you to pick me up now.

The last time, it was 12 hours before you had Warren.

That was our first baby. Once your waters break on a second, it's about to come.

- Bollocks. - Where are you?

It'll be half an hour before I'm there.

- Can you not get here before that? - I can't.

I'll book a taxi to pick me up. I'll leave the bags. Can you bring them?

- What about Warren? - Your ma's coming over.

- Bollocks. - What is it?

Fuckin' traffic lights are conspiring against me. Non-stop red.

There's some little Dublin City Council bollocks taking the piss!

Trish? Trish?

Darren. I was asleep.

Your phone's turned off. I have to go over with Rosie to her ma's.

What are you doing tomorrow?

- Nothing. What do you mean? - For Christmas. Are you going anywhere?

Where would I be going?

I've a turkey and ham flavour Pot Noodle to keep me going.

Do you want to come over to my sister's for the dinner?

Thanks. I appreciate it but I'm grand.

- It's your family and all. - Come on. Mary said to ask you.

- All right. - Right.

Right. See you tomorrow.

(Echoing voices)

Are you going to turn around and tell us you weren't there? We've witnesses.

Sorry, John. I'm in a bit of a panic. Trish's waters broke.

So fuckin' what?

She's having the baby. I need to get there.

Go on, then, hurry up.

The young fella got picked up.

I fuckin' give up. What happened?

Took the car out for a joyride. He was told to burn it straight away.

Muppets. I'm surrounded by muppets.

He didn't have time to burn it cos the cops were called.

He only half-burned it, so he'll get done. It was seen outside the bookie's.

- Are they keeping him in over Christmas? - I don't know.

What do you want to do?

- Do you know any of his family? - Ado knows his brother.

Well, tell the brother that if the young fella opens his mouth,

for anything, to ask to go for a piss, anything, then he's dead.

His brother's dead, the ma's dead.

Whoever. Tell him that. If you hear he gets bail, let me know.

All right. He won't talk anyway. He'll know not to.

Get out of my way! Move! Move!

Jesus.

- What's the story? - Consultant said it'll be a couple of hours.

- I thought your waters broke. - (Groans)

Fuck it.

- What did you bring the car seat in for? - You told me to.

- I said to bring the bags in from the hall. - It was in the hall.

Do you want anything? No?

I'm fuckin' starving.

I haven't eaten today.

(Phone rings)

I'll be one minute, babe.

I'm in the hospital with Trish, John.

- They let the young fella out. - I'm in the hospital, John.

- Do I put the cloves in first, Ma, or the honey? - (Phone rings)

Come on.

How many cloves?

- All right, John Boy. - Your little pal's out, the muppet.

Says he didn't say anything to them but there's enough on him that,

if he does talk, it wouldn't be good for you.

What do you think?

You need to think about what you're going to do about that.

OK, Mammy. You're fully dilated so your baby's ready to come.

What time is it?

It's 10 to 12. You'll be having a Christmas baby so.

Daddy, will you get the clothes for the baby ready?

- What clothes? - In the bag.

What bag?

- Are you feeling better? - Yeah.

It's just a stomach bug or something.

Do you need to go to the doctor?

No, I'll be grand.

You're nearly there. Good girl.

It's gas the way they come out naked and you have to dress them.

- Here you are. Do you want me to pour? - Thanks.

- Milk and sugar? - Milk, no sugar, please.

- Boy or girl? - A boy.

He'll be Noel or Christie so.

No fuckin' way.

Man, toast.

You reckon I can ask for more?

Hey.

Were you asleep?

I thought you were staying at your folks'.

Dad's using my old room as an office.

You look good.

Thought you'd gone off me.

No.

Just under pressure, that's all.

Do you want to go to bed?

Yeah.

Hiya, Luke. Come on in.

- Thanks for inviting me, Mary. - We love having people over.

The shops were closing yesterday, but I got you these.

Thanks a million. You're very good.

Darren, it's Luke.

Shit.

Mary's in a bad mood.

I'm not in a bad mood. I just burned me hand.

- Are you all right? - She split up with Joe yesterday.

Shut up. Don't be talking about that in front of the kids. They don't know.

- Cheers, man. - Cheers.

Can I do anything for you, Mary?

Actually, you can mash this so it doesn't have any lumps.

(Phone rings)

- All right, baby. How are you feeling? - Tired. Got no sleep.

- When are you coming in? - When's visiting time?

Husbands can come in any time.

- I forgot to send over Warren's Santy presents. - Bollocks.

Will you drop them in to your ma on your way in?

And hurry up, will you?

I need you to look after Bobby so I can get a few hours' kip.

All right, baby. I'll see you soon.

This is lovely.

You're better off without him, Mary, if he was like that.

- Ah, you know. - I'll help you clear up.

I just want to get one load in the dishwasher. Then I'll sit down.

- Darren. - Yeah?

- Is Rosie coming over? - Yeah. She said she'd be over later.

Then I've got to go to John Boy's. He's having a party for Nidge.

He should've treated you right, you know what I mean, Mary.

He should've treated you like a princess.

If you were mine, that's the way I'd treat you.

Like a princess.

Like the beautiful princess you are.

Luke, another beer?

No, I'm grand. Thanks.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

- Rosie. - What?

- Jesus, Ma, don't start, please. - If you don't want me to say anything, I won't.

No I don't. I already know what you're going to say.

Sweetheart, I can't not say it to you.

I know. I heard it before.

Your ma didn't like my da and you should've listened to her.

Well, I should've.

Then I wouldn't have been born, would I?

- Rosie, please. - I'm happy, Ma.

For once, I'm happy.

I love him, I do. I totally love him.

I know you do, sweetheart.

He said he had nothing to do with it. I believe him.

The dogs in the street would say different, wouldn't they?

Darren is not a killer. I know he's not.

Here's to the Nidge Weasel. Nidge Weasel and Sons.

Hey.

- How's everything going? - Good.

I want to get you to do some more things for me.

Yeah.

You know how to finish a job, not like that dopey fuck. Where is he, anyway?

- What's going on? - Nothing. Just smoking a joint.

Yeah?

Fuck off.

Stop it, John Boy! Stop!

John! John! Leave it!

Leave him! Leave it!

You fuckin'...

(Honking)