All language subtitles for 36. Now You See Him

Anybody could have
sneaked up the stairs,
knocked on the door.

When Jerome opened the door,
they shot him and went
right back downstairs again.

At the time of the crime,
you said you were performing
the water tank trick.

COLUMBO: You're not really
in that cube, right?

Where was I last night
when Jesse Jerome got it?

Was I here

or was I there?

You see, what we
have to remember

is that Mr. Santini
is a master of illusion.

You could create the illusion
of being somewhere
while you were not.

If you know
what you're doing.

Good afternoon, sir.
How are you, George?

Hey, that was quite a night
we had last night.

Yeah, wasn't it?

It's good having you back.

Oh, it's great to be back.

Oh, Mr. Jerome
was looking for you
a while back, sir.

Huh?

Seemed important.

Uh-huh. Everything
is important to him.

Could you do me
a favor, sir?

Sure, name it.

Could you make him
disappear?

Don't tell him I said it.

Oh, trust me, you're safe.

I'll tell you what.
One night, George,
just you and I together,

we'll go out
and have a couple of jars.

You're on, sir.

HARRY: Santini's
packing them in, Jesse,
but I need more help.

JEROME: The kitchen is
your responsibility, Harry.
Do as you wish.

Of course
it's my responsibility, but
good help is hard to find.

Harry, Harry.
Don't bother me
with trivialities.

Solve your problems
and leave me be.

Santini.

It's good to have you back.

Harry. Good to be back.

Harry, be a good fellow,
shut the door
on your way out.

George said
you wanted to see me.

Have a shrimp. Magnificent.

From a special bed
off the Yucat�n coast.
I have them flown in.

Thank you, no.

Tell me, Santini,

last month, before you
left for New York,

you didn't by chance
break into this office

and search
through my effects?

What a silly question.
Of course I did.

And I stole your Ren�,
your Picasso, and got a lovely
price for your Rubens.

You know I didn't.

I thought not.

It was dreadful of me
even to suggest it.

Thank you.

Speaking of New York,

I take it that this, too,

is some sort of joke.

$5,000 is hardly a joke.

Come, come, dear friend.

I've assimilated
the rudiments of arithmetic.

Your eastern tour
netted $100,000,
50% of which is...

5% of which is $5,000.

5%?
Mmm-hmm.

No, no, dear man.

We've been over this before.

Jerome,

I'm bored
with you bleeding me.

I'm afraid we're going to
have to make a change
in our little arrangement.

There are no changes.

Sergeant Mueller...

You see how the very mention
of that name renders you
completely helpless.

You keep forgetting

that I know who you are

and where you came from.

I was 21. I was merely a boy.

No one in the SS
was merely a boy, Mueller.

No one in the camps
was just a boy.

Unless he was
being taken into the oven.

Don't misunderstand me.

If you push me,

I will tell the newspapers,
the lmmigration Service
the Israelis...

Yes, the Israelis.
Oh, how they'd love
to get their hands on you.

I think not.

I'm far too valuable to you.

You call that value?
Mmm-hmm.

I'd do much better
turning you in right now
while I still have the chance,

before you break in
here again, trying to find
the old mars letter.

And don't deny
that it was you.

Jerome,
you really are an animal.

You're lucky.

I'm a businessman.

When that old man
recognized you last year,

didn't I give you the money
to keep him quiet?

That was good business.

And when he died
and I realized that
I was the only one who knew,

well, that was
very good business, too.

That's why we're such
a good team, you and I.

You know, you do rather well
considering the circumstances.

Certainly better than spending
the rest of your life
in an Israeli prison.

I urge you to
look at it realistically.

Have the other
$45,000 for me tonight
before the performance

or, believe me,

it'll be your last
performance anywhere.

Heil Hitler!

Have the money for me
before the show.

Danny, cut it out.

Go rehearse
or something.

DANNY: I've done
that already.

Young man.

Very good.

But if you're going to
seduce my daughter,

at least have the decency
and the courtesy

to close the door
of my dressing room.

Sir, I'm sorry.

On second thought,
it's probably
to my advantage

to watch your
ritualistic mating.

At least that way
I can see how far
you've gone in the open.

Oh, Dad.

See you later? Maybe grab
a late supper after the show?

DELLA: Where?

DANNY: Mama Lucia's.

Sure. Pick me up
around midnight.

Right.

Dad, I'm going to
continue seeing him.

We'll discuss
your taste later.

At the moment, I'd like to
check the props, daughter.

Yes, Father.

We were like children posing

Playing at games

Acting out names,

Guessing the parts we played

Oh, what a hit we made

We came on next to closing

Best on the bills

Lovers until

We took in a bundle tonight,
Mr. Jerome.

Did Santini ask for me?

No, sir.

Fate seemed
to pull the strings

I turned and you were gone

While from the darkened wings

The music box played on

Sad little serenade

Song of my heart's composing

I hear it still

I always will

Best on the bills

I got to see my agent
about that job in Vegas.

Hey, have a good show.
See you at midnight.

Okay.

And now, ladies
and gentlemen, once again
to thrill and mystify you,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

the magnificent illusions
of The Great Santini!

WOMAN: Oh! Thank you.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
each evening here
at The Cabaret of Magic,

we like to...

We like to have you
participate in our show.

We ask for a volunteer

to help Santini.
In the back, yes, of course.

What about a nice hand
for Mr. And Mrs. Right?

Thank you.

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santini's
world famous
water tank illusion.

When this cube is shut,
bolted and chained,

it will be
hermetically sealed

with the Great Santini
inside of it.

There will remain only
five cubic feet of oxygen,

adequate to keep him alive
for just nine minutes
and 12 seconds.

To guarantee that
the Great Santini
cannot get out of the cube,

it will be suspended
in the tank of water
while the time runs out.

ASSISTANT: Hold it.

MAN: Okay, medium rare, mac.

I've got one well done
and two medium rare.

MAN: Two well done.

My brandy, Mike.

Here you go, sir.

Thank you.

CHEF: Medium rare coming up.

MAN: Watch it,
coming through.

MAN 2: I got
a well done here.

CHEF: How's your steak
coming along?

MAN 2: One done, one well.

CHEF: Here. Those steaks.
Whose steak is this?

Your brandy, sir.

Place it on the table.

Right, sir.

A new game?

Yes, sir.

Haven't been doing too well
at the others lately.

I'm going to think of
a number from one to four

and you will
tell me the number.

If I'm wrong,

you may come in
and collect $5.

But if I'm right,

no tip.

Understood?

THACKERY:
Right, sir. I understand.

Only, tonight
I'm gonna get you.

I'm thinking of a number.

I'm thinking of a number.

What is your number?

Four.

Lift the skull from the table
and look under it.

I don't know
how you do it, Mr. Santini.

That will be all, Thackery.

Right.

a nice hand for
the daughter of the Master.

Who is it?

How did you...

Get him out of there.

Take it up, bud, take it up.

Send up some coffee, please.

Coffee, right. Right away.

Thackery!
Yes, Harry?

Coffee for Mr. Jerome.

Right. I'll take it
right up.

Hold it.
That's good, bud.

Bring it down.

I've been told to
stand out here and keep
people away from the door.

Have you got
any witnesses at all?
I have no idea.

MAN: We have an
11:00 deadline.

When they
come out, you'll be able
to talk to him, fellas.

That's all I can tell you.

MAN: Can you help us
in any way?
I cannot...

Excuse me, sir.
Lieutenant Columbo.

Oh, I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
I didn't recognize you.
You look different somehow.

I've had a hair cut.

Who's in charge?

Sergeant Wilson, sir.
Wilson?

Detective Sergeant
John J. Wilson?

That's him.
You know him, Lieutenant?

Yes, I've worked
with him before.

I want everyone assembled
in the main room
within 30 minutes.

When Lieutenant Columbo
arrives, he's going to
want to talk to all of them.

Sir, there's
156 customers down there.

The Lieutenant
is a very thorough man.

We won't leave here
until he finds
the person who did this.

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant?

Lieutenant.

Good to see you
again, sir. Wilson.
Yes.

John J.
Detective Sergeant.
How do you do?

Excuse me. Watch my hand.
It's full of grease.
This is my dinner.

Would you like
a piece of chicken?

No, no, thanks.

Is the body in there?

Yes. It's...
That's a new raincoat,
isn't it, sir?

It's from my wife. Yeah.

Oh, a present.

For my birthday.

Fits beautifully.

You think so?
Yes, I must say,
it's a fine looking raincoat.

It seems a little
stiff to me.

Well, it's new.

You'll get used to it.
Yeah.

You break it in.

So, what do you got?

Jesse T. Jerome.
Born August 3, 1923.

Height, 5'8".
Weight, 174 pounds.

What did you do,
weigh him?

No, took it off
his driver's license.

What was he doing,
exercising?

Sir?

His back is damp.
So are his pants.

Oh. I'll put that down.

You know, sir,
it's a great honor
to be working with you again.

I've gained
a lot of experience since
our last case, you know.

Very good.

Hello? Anybody down here?

Santini?

Santini, you in there?

Yes, who is it?

I'm sorry
to bother you.

The police want
everybody upstairs.

Oh, yes, of course, Harry.
I'll be right there.

One shot
through the heart.

The napkin was found
on top of his shoulder...

The shot came from the front?

Yes, sir.

The napkin was found
on top of his shoulders,

and this.38 caliber revolver
was found next to the body.

I suspect
it's the murder weapon,

though I've learned
you can never
jump to conclusions.

But you say the time of death
was between 9:56 and 10:06.
How do you know that?

By Harry Blandford.

Who is that?

Well, he's the ma�tre d'.
Sort of a junior partner.

You see, at 9:56,

Jerome called from his office
to order some coffee sent up.

So he had to
have been alive.

Ergo, Jerome died
within a 10 minute span.

Yes, that makes sense.
What about the money?

The money, sir?
There's a lot of money
in here.

Is any of that missing?

No, no, none of it.

According to the cashier,
it appears to all be there,

which rules out
robbery as a motive.

So, robbery was
not a motive.
No, sir.

Let's assume he knew
the person that came in.

I got to take off this coat.
I can't think in this coat.

Pardon me?

The coat,
I can't think in the coat.

Sir...

See, I think the problem is
it could have been anybody.

I mean,
unless we trace the gun or
pick up some fingerprints...

Lieutenant?
Yes.

Anybody could have
sneaked up the stairs,
knocked on the door.

When Jerome opened the door,
they shot him and went
right back downstairs again.

That's what's
been bothering me.

Did he open the door?

Well,
I don't follow you.

Jerome was shot in the heart
from the front.

But the body is not here.
The body landed
8 or 10 feet back.

I don't understand that.

Suppose Jerome
comes from the office

and he opens the door,

somebody shoots him,

then the bullet
enters from the front,

but then the body
is here, not there.

Suppose Jerome
opens the door...

Somebody he knows.

Opens the door,
"How do you do?

"Come on in."

He follows the person in.

Now he gets shot
from the front,

but the body falls
this way, not that way.

Now, suppose
he goes to the door,

opens the door,
whatever he sees is a threat,

he turns, now he runs,

now he gets shot.
The body falls
just where we found it,

but he's shot from the back.

See, I don't understand
how this happened.

How does a man get shot
from the front

and have the body land here?

The door has to be open.

The murderer opened the door.

Jerome did not open the door.

Jerome is in his office.

He's anywhere.

He hears the door open.

Now he comes walking forward
to see what happened.

The murderer sees him,

shoots him from the front,

and the body falls
just where we found it.

That I can understand.

Sergeant, excuse me,

but some of
those people downstairs
are getting a little restless.

How much longer
do we hold them?

WILSON: Oh...

Sir, I took the liberty

of holding some of
the patrons quarantine...

The guests?
Yes.

We don't need them.
We...

You get their names?
Yes, sir.

Let them go. If we
need them, we'll call them.
Yes, sir.

We don't...

I'm sorry, sir.
I thought it best
to hold them.

I thought there might be
some questions that you
might have in mind.

What I was
about to say, sir,

is I don't think
that the door was open.

You see,
that's a new lock.

I can see that.

It was only installed
last week and
there's only one key,

and that was found
on Mr. Jerome's person.

Now,
according to his partner,

Jerome locked the door
every night
while counting the receipts.

Have this lock
taken down to the lab.

Have it checked.

Yes, sir.

I'm going downstairs.
I'm gonna look around.

Fine. Lieutenant.

Yes?
Sir!

Yes?

Lieutenant?
Yes?

Your... Oh, sir?

Lieutenant!
What is it?

Your coat, sir.

You forgot your coat.

I should try
and call Danny.

No, I'd prefer to
have you home tonight.

Listen, dear heart.
COLUMBO: Is that
the way backstage?

We've both been through
a great deal tonight.
Excuse me.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir?

The gentleman smoking
on the stage.

Forgive me,
but backstage is off-limits.

No, I'm just gonna
look around for a moment.

I can appreciate that,
but I don't care to have
my secrets

exposed to the world.
Can you understand that?

Oh, you are the magician.
How do you do, sir?

You look different
from your picture out front.
Maybe it's the hat.

Mmm-hmm.
May I know who you are?

Lieutenant Columbo.
Los Angeles Police
Department. Homicide.

I'm terribly sorry,
Lieutenant.

But you can understand
my cautiousness. Forgive me,
I am at your service.

Oh, that's quite
all right.

It was a terrible thing...

It was ghastly.

I was informed of it
when I came off stage.

Really?

Yes, I was performing
at the time.

Apparently, it must have
happened during
the course of my trick.

I was doing
my water tank illusion.

You know, I saw you
do that on television.

The wife and I,
when you were at
Madison Square Garden.

I don't know
how you do that, sir.

You're not supposed to.

That's how I manage
to stay two steps
ahead of my creditors.

I'm sure you do
a little better than that.

Just a little bit.

Lieutenant, if you'll
forgive me, my daughter
is waiting for me.

If there's anything
I can do to help, please ask.

Less baring the secrets
of my grand illusions.

Thank you very much.

It's my pleasure.
I'm your obedient servant.

Have a good night.

The same to you, sir.

Della? What's going on?

I'll tell you later.

Come, let's go.

Good night, boy.

ROGERS: Handmade,
with two special baffles.

I figured as much
when I saw the key.

That's why
I can't figure out
how it happened.

How what happened?

This lock was picked.

Are you sure?

Take a look.

Now, you see
those scratches?

Somebody picked it open
with a thin piece of steel.

Impossible,
but it happened.

What else?

This is the napkin
the killer used to keep
the prints off the gun,

and also mask
any traces of nitrate.

Hmm.

As for the gun,

it's a standard
Smith & Wesson
.38 caliber revolver.

Now, we matched
the serial number

with a shipment that was
stolen from a wholesaler
in San Francisco.

So, there's no record
of any ownership,

no prints,

no nothing.

And there you are.

There I am.

May I borrow this
for a while?

Mmm-hmm, go ahead.

ROGERS: As long as
you sign for it.

Bravo! That's fantastic.

Who's that?

I've always wanted to know
how those things were done.
Lieutenant Columbo.

I guess you have to have
dexterous hands.

How astute of you.

You see, my hands,
they wouldn't
conceal anything.

Too small.

Mmm-hmm. Well,
you're absolutely right.

Maximum facility.

Large hands,

more facile.

How goes your hunt?

Sir?

The murder of Jesse Jerome.

Come up with any clues yet?

Not really, sir, no.
We're stumped.

I was hoping
you'd be able to throw
some light on it for me.

Would you like
my opinion, Lieutenant?

Yes, sir.

There was a gun left,
right?

That's a mark of a pro.

Professional killing.

It's common knowledge
that Jesse had
syndicated clients.

That might be
very helpful.
Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

I don't want you
to take this wrong, sir,

but I have to account for
everybody's whereabouts.

At the time of the crime,
you said you were performing
the water tank trick.

That's right.

Now, when the cube
is in the water tank,

you're not really
in that cube, right?

Perhaps, perhaps not.

No, it's not that
I want you to give away any
professional secrets, sir.

My dear friend, I'd rather
confess to a murder
than to do that.

I just don't know
what to write down
in the report.

You don't know my boss.

If I say you were
locked in this cube,

chained in without air
for 10 minutes
and suspended in water,

the mars gonna
look at me funny.

So it really is a question
of an alibi, right?

Actually, sir, it's just
a question of the report.

Let me tell you, Lieutenant,
I probably have

the best alibi
of anyone who works here.

Anyone. And the irony is,
the worst.

Where was I last night
when Jesse Jerome got it?

Was I here

or was I there?

It's fascinating, isn't it?

Don't do that to me, sir.

I admit it, you know.
I don't know
where in the hell you were.

All I want to do is just
please the superior here
with this thing.

Let me clear
your head up for you.

I had absolutely nothing
to do with the crime.

I've spent half my life
working in that
grand illusion.

It's been wonderful for me
and audiences love it.

And I'm not about to
divulge the secret.

But if
at some point in time
you and your superior,

and I know he's a tough man,

insist that I come up
with an alibi,

I promise you
I'll produce one.
But until that time,

at least allow me

the privacy
of my professional secret.

Is that fair?

Fair enough.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

Sir, would you mind
if I came to see
the show tonight?

I'd be honored
to have your presence.

Thank you.

Could it be
done by 8:00 tonight?

When I was a young man,
time was precious.

You savored it.

Today,
everything has to be
done yesterday.

But, sir, this is very,
very important.

And I would appreciate...

I'll be a son of a gun.
Where did you find that?

I've been looking
all over for it.

In the lost and found.
You left it in the cafeteria.

I thought somebody stole it.

At police headquarters?

All right, put it in my car.

Anything you could do
to see to it

that I have that
by 8:00 tonight...
Lieutenant.

...would certainly
be appreciated.
Sir.

Could I see you
for a moment, privately?

Mr. Lassiter,
Sergeant Wilson.

WILSON: How do you do, sir?

Yes, how do you do?

Well, I'll get started
on these cuffs.

Danny Green, the singer,

he was having an argument
with Mr. Jerome
about his contract

and he wanted out.
And he has no alibi.

He said he left the premises
to go see his agent,

but he didn't see his agent
until 11:00.

That's very good
legwork, Sergeant,

but the singer
didn't do it.

No?

No.

Mr. Jerome wanted a lock
that couldn't be picked.

Mr. Lassiter here made it.

That rules out the singer.

Unless, of course,
he turns out to be
an expert at picking locks.

But you still think
it's an inside job?
Someone...

Oh, it is. Absolutely.
All right.

Well, I'll check
everyone else out
at the club, sir.

Lieutenant, sir, your coat.

Just leave it in the car.

Best on the bill

Lovers until

Love left the masquerade

Yes,
of course, there'll be
a performance tonight,

even though Mr. Jerome
is no longer with us.

I have a very strong hunch
about you, my lady.

Believe in
clairvoyancy?
WOMAN: Yes.

Your pen.

Tonight, for your benefit,

on that stage,

I will try
to reach Mr. Jerome.

With your head,
if your ESP is working,
when I'm up...

I just wanted to say hello.

Lieutenant Columbo,
delighted you're here.

Wonderful crowd you have.

Mr. Santini.
I was wondering, do you...

JOHN: Mr. Santini.
Mr. Santini.

Yes, excuse me.
Yes, John?

This gentleman is
from out of town.
He says he knows you.

How are you?
Glad to see you again.

Michael Lally.

The greatest wire act.
He and his brother.
You should have seen them.

How is he?
Well, he's still working.

I gave the act up. I got
a little bit too old...

JIMMY: Mr. Santini?
Excuse me. Yes?

Two minutes to show time.
Thank you, Jimmy.

Excuse me.
Have a drink on me.

Mr. Santini,
I don't want to impose.

Could you do something
about my table?

Of course. Where are you
sitting, Lieutenant?

In the other room.

In there?

Jimmy.
JIMMY: Yes, sir?

May I have
the guest of honor table

for the Lieutenant, please?
Certainly.

My apologies.
Thank you very much.

This might be
a bit embarrassing.

I brought something with me.
It's a little trick.

I thought I'd
challenge you with it.

I think you'll get
a kick out of it.

I'd be
delighted to see it after
the performance, please.

Thank you, again.
Hope you enjoy it.

Dom Perignon.

This way, Lieutenant.
Right down here.

Just a second.

I always will

Best on the bill

Take good care
of the Lieutenant.

Thank you very much.
Enjoy yourself.

Good evening.
Can I have your order?

Yes, I'll just have
a soft drink, please.
Ginger ale.

ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santini!

The most beautiful woman
in the world, and why not,

my beautiful
daughter, Della.

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
each evening here
at The Cabaret of Magic,

we like to ask a member
of our audience,

a volunteer,
to step forward on the stage

to be Santini's attendant
or assistant, if you would.

Perhaps a beautiful
young woman.

We have a beautiful
young man instead.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we are honored

because this gentleman
who stands before you
is none other than

Lieutenant Columbo
of the Los Angeles
Police Department.

Welcome, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, you look
like a man who enjoys
a game of chance.

You play cards?
Yes, sir.

Down at the station?
Yes, sir.

Does the Chief know
about that, Lieutenant?
No, sir.

Lieutenant, do you possess
a deck of cards with you?

With me? No, sir.

You're sure, not on
your person anywhere?

Me? No.

Well, unfortunately,
I don't have any
either, but...

Lieutenant,
what do we have here?

Ace of spades,
Lieutenant.

Lieutenant,
what do we have...

King of hearts.
King of hearts.

Is that all you...
Lieutenant!

Yeah?
What have we here?
Three bullets.

That, Lieutenant,
is indeed a fine hand
in any mars book,

but I believe, sir,

that I could possibly
beat that hand.

Are you holding
any more cards?

Lieutenant,
somewhere on your...

A full deck!

Quite a full deck.

Lovely Della.

Thank you, Della.

Thank you, my lady.

That... Thank you,
Lieutenant, very much.

No, no, no.
Thank you.

What about a nice hand
for Lieutenant Columbo?

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Lights!
You know, I'd like to
challenge you to a trick.

I brought something with me,

a trick I'd like to
challenge him with,
if I could.

It's... You know,
down at headquarters,

we've got
these special handcuffs
for dangerous criminals.

They're absolutely foolproof,
you can't get out of them,

and the boys
down at the station,

they said nobody
could get out of them,

and I wagered that
you would. I don't know
whether you can, sir,

but would you like
to try and see
whether you could do that?

Would you be good enough,
sir, though,

to explain to my audience
that I have never seen
these cuffs before,

and this is the first time
we've ever attempted this?

Oh, absolutely,
I can vouch for that.
All right.

Absolutely.

I'll raise that up for you.
Make it more convenient.

And there we have them.

Are they secured now, sir?
Yes, sir.

To your satisfaction?
You can't get out of these.

I know that for a fact.

We shall try. May I have
a drum roll, please?

Your handcuffs.

I knew you could do it.

A round of applause for
the Lieutenant who tried

to outwit the Master.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, Lieutenant.

You seem to have
forgotten your badge.

ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The Cabaret of Magic
is proud to present

The Great Santini's
world famous
water tank illusion.

DELLA: When this cube
is shut, bolted and chained,

it will be
hermetically sealed

with the Great Santini
inside of it.

There will remain only
five cubic feet of oxygen,

adequate to keep him alive
for just nine minutes
and 12 seconds.

Lieutenant,
what can I do for you?

Does Mr. Santini do
this trick at the same time
every night?

Like clockwork.

ASSISTANT:
Okay, take it away, bud.

No one's allowed to...
Oh, Lieutenant, okay.

DELLA: To guarantee
that the Great Santini
cannot get out of the cube,

it will be suspended
in the tank of water
while the time runs out.

Oh, I just wanted...
Santini's orders.

I'm only doing what I'm told.

Has Santini
come backstage yet?

Of course not, sir.
He's in that cube.

Sir, about the other
possible suspects,

Harry Blandford.
He owned 25% of the club.

Now with Jerome dead,
he owns it all.

Later, Wilson.

Yes, sir.

Sliced carrots.
Slice them up...

HARRY: I tell you
every night, you slice it
thin and you keep it rare.

And I need
about 100 servings
tonight at least.

You keep it thin,
and you keep it rare.
Right? Good.

Luigi, remember,
lettuce doesn't swim.
Not too much dressing.

Hey, you're the guy
from the agency.

Take that coat off,
put this one on,

you get yourself a tray,
you join World War III.

Police.
Police?

What's below the stage?
Where is Sergeant Wilson?

I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
What's below the stage?

It's a basement.
It's a storage room.

How do I get there?

Go through that door
and down the stairs
to the left.

Hey, Lieutenant Columbo.

Yeah?

I am Harry Blandford.

Harry Blandford.
I was Mr. Jerome's partner.

Yeah, call me later.

Mr. Santini?

Mr. Santini?

Mr. Santini?

SANTINl: Come in, Lieutenant.
I've been expecting you.

Good evening.

Feel privileged, Lieutenant.
I usually don't allow
anyone in here.

I had a very
strong suspicion you'd be
looking for me tonight.

Thank you, sir.

Careful.

That's how
you do it.

Yes, that's how
it's done.

I am not in the cube.
I'm right here.

And that should certainly
satisfy your report.

Yes, sir, that's certainly
going to sound better.

I mean,
I couldn't write that...

That you were chained
in a cube and dumped
in a tank of water

without air
for 10 minutes.

Well, let's see.
Whereabouts during crime,

Mr. Santini
in basement room.

I couldn't very well
stop you from finding out
and now that you do know,

I would very much appreciate
your telling as few people
as possible.

Well, certainly, sir.
Can you verify that?

Can I verify what?

That you were
actually here?

You really are something.

My good man,
where could I have gone?

If I had indeed exited
through these two doors here,

made a sharp left turn,
ran down the passageway,
gone up the stairwell,

the stage manager
would have seen me.

Check with him.

My alternative was
to go out these doors,
up that stairwell,

which would have led me
directly into the kitchen,

where at least
a dozen people would have
been aware of my presence.

Well, that certainly
makes sense, sir.

Thank you.

Listen,

I gotta hand it to you
about those handcuffs.
You sure got them off fast.

Whew!

We all have our particular
talents, Lieutenant.

Mine happens to be illusion
and yours, I suspect,
is reality,

and a rather grim one at that.

Well, you cleared up
one thing.

You know, that lock was
supposed to be pick-proof?

You showed it wasn't.
At least, not for a man
of your ability. Whew!

Oh, any lock could
be picked, Lieutenant,
if you know how.

I guess you have to
keep pretty good track
of the time.

I mean,
you get up on the stage late,
you'll blow the whole trick.

Absolutely.

Have you had any luck
tracing the gun?

No, sir. Could have
belonged to anybody.

And what about
the napkin?

Oh, nothing special.
Just a napkin
from the kitchen.

Uh-huh.

Wouldn't be...

anything like this?

You son of a gun,
you devil, you.

You did it again.

You really must
excuse me now.

Oh, incidentally,
Lieutenant,

I neglected to have
my usual brandy
this evening.

It's right here on the table
if you care to imbibe.

What did... Brandy?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I always have brandy
brought to me

exactly at the same time
each evening.

It calms the nerves.

Excuse me, could you tell me
who brought Mr. Santini
his brandy last night?

Excuse me,
I hate to bother you, but...

Can I have everybody's
attention, please?
This is police business!

Thank you very much.

I just want to talk
to the individual

who brought Mr. Santini
his brandy last night.

I did.

May I speak to you
over there, please?

You can go back to work.
Thank you very much.

THACKERY: You'll have to
make it fast, sir.

Got a boiled lobster
and a creamed crab
ready for table 18.

About this brandy.
What is that?
Is that a regular thing?

Oh, yes.
During every performance.

I think the old boy needs it
to calm his nerves.

And you always
take it down to him
during that 10 minutes?

Yes, sir.

You took him
the brandy last night
and he was there?

Yes, sir.

My lobster
and my crab, sir?

Right.

You're positive?

I know his voice,
Lieutenant. It was him.

What do you mean his voice?
You didn't see him?

Not actually. But he was
moving around in there.
That I saw.

You're sure?

Yes. Every night
he likes to play
a mind trick on me.

Last night he asked me
to pick a number
from one to four.

What do you mean?

A number from one to four.

He didn't guess it right,
I'd go through the door
and he'd give me $5.

So how could he have
not been there? If that's
what you're thinking.

Thackery,
we've got hungry people
waiting out there.

Right, Harry.

Boiled lobster
and creamed crab.

I'll hop right to it.

Did he guess
the right number?

Yeah.

Lieutenant Columbo!

Lieutenant Columbo!

I'd appreciate it

if you'd stayed out
of my kitchen during
dinner hours, right?

I'm sorry, I'm a pest,
but I'm very confused.

Yeah, you look it.

Simmons, get a wine list
over to table 31
right away. Fast!

Mr. Blandford,
one more thing and
I'll get out of your way.

You were in and out
of the kitchen all night
during the evening.

Would you know if there was
a new man on last night,
however briefly?

Look,
let me tell you something
about the kitchen, huh?

We run on a short staff,
so we run short.

We call
the employment agency,

they send over a temporary.
That's a temporary.

The guy comes in here, I say,
"Get a red coat, grab a tray,
go on out there." That's it.

So you wouldn't know
if a stranger
walked through here?

Are you kidding me?
I wouldn't notice

if my mother came in here
and she kissed me. Why?

I'm trying
to explain something
that is not explainable.

It sounds like
you're talking to Santini.

HARRY: Hey, Carlos,
get some flatware out here.
We're running short.

And hustle it up.

CLERK: Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

What a nasty-looking
thing.

Nasty and lethal.

Observe. A simple carrot.

A flick of the wrist,
a downward thrust and...

A very handy kitchen device.

On the other hand,
hardly mystifying.

Now let me demonstrate

the magical aspect
of this device, sir.

Will you assist me?

I'd like to demonstrate
this wonderful illusion.

You do have faith,
don't you?

You don't mean my hand?

Please.

In there?

Yes, please. In there.

And you want me
to put my hand in there?

Yes, right in there,
please, sir.

What are you going to do?

Now just place your hand

a little further
in this, sir, if you will.

What are you going to do?

Fully guaranteed for
two years against all defects

and it comes
with three extra blades.

$89.95.

Oh!

I'll be a son of a gun.
Don't ever do that again.

Thank you very much.
That's a hell of a trick.

Yes. Are you interested, Mr...

Columbo is my name.

No.
Columbo.

Excellent. Very good.
Is that the Great Columbo?

No, just Lieutenant.

Police.
Investigating a murder.

The murder
of Jesse Jerome.

Oh, dear Jesse.

To know him
was to detest him.

I was in San Marino
that night, Lieutenant,

at my in-laws'.

Sir, you're not
under suspicion.

No, I just want
a little information.

Let's say that
a man is in one room,

but he wants
someone to think
he's in another room.

To make his voice come
from another room. Do you
have a trick like that?

No, not really.

I assume you're talking about
some kind of radio device.

I'm talking about
making your voice
come from another room.

Well, someone could speak
into a small concealed mike

and have his voice
come from somewhere else.

Right.

Well, that's not
really magic, Lieutenant.

More like the gaff
in a head act.

The gaff in a head act?

A head act.
Mind reading.

You know,
a guy up on the stage

and an assistant
in the audience,

usually a broad,

and she asks some guy
in the 20th row

if he has something
he wants to ask the swami,

so he whispers it to her.

But what the mark
don't know is the broad
is rigged with a mike

and the guy on the stage
has a little receiver
behind his ear.

So, if you had
a couple of those things
and an amplifier,

you could create the illusion
of being somewhere
while you were not.

If you know
what you're doing.

Do you have something
I could look at?

Sure.

Mr. Lally?

Yeah,
what can I do for you?

Do you remember me?

Yeah, you were
at the Cabaret club
the other night.

Yeah, I sure was.

Come on in.
Thanks.

Help yourself to a beer
in the fridge.

What do you pay here?

$40 a month.

Maid service?

Are you kidding?
Maid service?

And where is the bathroom?

In the hallway.

Hotplate yours?

That's my hotplate.

Still not bad.

What did you think
of that magician?

Oh, he's always
been great.

You know, I would've
bet money that he couldn't
get out of those cuffs.

Don't ever bet
against Santini.
He's the cream of cream.

They tell me
you go way back with him.

Oh, yeah, way back,
when me and my brothers

were the top wire act
in Europe.

He was the gaff
in the head act,

and he always brought it off
very smooth, very smart.

That's where
he got his start.

Was his name Santini then?

No, no, not then.

It was Arlington
or Kensington,
something English,

but he had an accent
you could chop off
with an axe.

Oh, what kind of an accent?

I think it was German.

Where'd you first meet him?

In Budapest.

Maybe the accent
was Hungarian.

But it didn't go along
with this English name.

Then zippo.

Five years later,
we run into him in Oslo.

The accent's gone,

he's very British,
and now he's carrying
an Italian name.

Santini?

The Great Santini.

So the name stuck,
and now the accent
is American?

Yeah, but he grew
into a master of accents.

I think he can
even imitate you.

I figure
he's the kind of man

that he could do
almost anything
if he put his mind to it.

You mean his hand to it.

Right.

What's his real name?

I don't know,
I never did know.

The television yours?
Yeah,

that's mine
and the hotplate
is mine.

The rest belongs
to the joint.

What time do you have?

1:00.

The tub. Is there
a tub in the john?

No, no, no.

There's one shower
on the third floor
for everybody.

Listen, thanks.

Don't mention it.

My agents are
putting together
a completely new tour

and I'm going to
require a new assistant.

Whatever happened
to your daughter?

Well, unfortunately,
the poor child has gone soft
on a rather mediocre singer.

She lacks taste.

Genetically, I don't
quite understand it.

Well, maybe it comes
from her mother's side
of the family.

Not likely, since she was
the lady who taught me
everything I know.

Seriously, though, I...

I wish you would
consider it.

I have a feeling
you'd make a marvelous
traveling companion.

I'll think about it.

Please do.

I shouldn't be long.

You stay put now
or I'll revoke
your driving privileges.

I'm gonna leave
this coat in the car.

If somebody tries to lift it,
you look the other way.

Yes, may I
help you, sir?

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Someone I thought
I'd seen the last of.

Do you have
a match, sir?

Yes, sir.

Well, do you think
you could make him
disappear, too?

It's a splendid suggestion,
but in his case,
I think, rather doubtful.

I'm just gonna join
that gentleman at that table

for a moment,
if you don't mind.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Santini, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to intrude.

I'm sure you didn't.

This will
only take a moment,

unless you prefer my waiting
until you're finished.

Lieutenant, what is it
about me that you find
so irresistible?

Well, you know
how it is, sir,

I gotta check out
all the leads
until I get my man.

Could have been
a woman, you know.

Of course.

There was
a homicide at the club.
The owner was murdered.

Please sit.

Ironically,
it happened during
the course of my act.

Oh, forgive me,
Lieutenant Columbo,
this is Miss McCan'thy.

How do you do, madam?

WAITER: Would you like
to order cocktail?
No, nothing for me.

Do you know
a Michael Lally, sir?

Yes, of course
I know Michael Lally.

And you know
very well I know him

because you saw me
talking to him
last night in the club.

Well, according to
Mr. Lally, when he first
knew you in Europe,

you were going
under another name.

Kensington or Arlington.

What of it?

You didn't think
Santini was really
my name, did you?

"Does not look Italian."

That's the very first
note I made, sir.

How astute.

But you do use
the name of Santini
on your passport.

Why, Lieutenant, you've been
checking up on me.

Well, I really don't
have any choice, sir.

Why are you so preoccupied
to find out my real identity?

Your origin

may be more humble
than you make it appear.

And what about you,
Lieutenant?

Beneath
that ruffled exterior,

there ticks away the heart

of an empiricist
philosopher,

probing for the truth
at all costs.

I'm just
doing my job.

But you make it
sound so proletarian.

And my job, if you will,

has to do with appearances.

I'm not what I appear to be

and then again,
neither are you.

Mr. Lally remembers that
in the old days you spoke
with a different accent.

Is it better? All right.

Ooh, you're
a remarkable man,
Mr. Santini.

How keen of you
to notice it.

I could do
my East Ukrainian

but unfortunately,
Miss McCan'thy and I
have an appointment.

If you'll excuse us,
Lieutenant.

Could you at least tell me
which name it was?

Was it Arlington
or was it Kensington?

Well, neither, actually.

It was Washington.

Do you have
a first name on that, sir?

Martha.

Sir, you sent for me?

Yes, Wilson, I...
Lieutenant,
I've got an idea.

The waiter, Thackery.

He was the one
who brought the coffee
up to Jerome, remember?

All right, Jerome left
the door open for him.

Thackery goes upstairs,
goes inside, shoots Jerome,

then he fools around with
the lock to make it look
like somebody picked it.

That's very good.
The magician did it.

What?

Mr. Santini
killed Mr. Jerome.

Santini? Santini was
in the basement.

You yourself said
he was down there playing
the trick with Thackery.

He was going to personally
hand Thackery $5

if Santini couldn't
guess the number.

Well, his voice
was in the basement.
He wasn't there.

Only his voice.

You see, what we
have to remember

is that Mr. Santini
is a master of illusion.

He makes you believe
what he wants you to believe.

Pick a number
from one to four.

Pick a number?

Pick any number
from one to four.

I got it.
What is it?

Two.

Lift up
the telephone receiver.

Turn it over.

"I knew you were
thinking of number two."

How did you do that?

If you had picked
number four,

I would tell you
to look under the ashtray.

"I knew you were thinking
of number four."

If you had said number one,
I'd tell you to pick up
the hole punch.

"I knew you were thinking
of number one."

If you had picked
number three...

"I knew you were thinking
of number three."

That's...

Where did you learn this?

That trick cost me
$17.35 in a magic shop.

Oh, that's expensive.

All right, let's say Santini
wasn't in the basement.

I mean, let's say
Santini did it.

But what's the motive? I mean,
there has to be a motive.

Yes, there is
always a motive.

We just
have to find it.

Come on.
Where are we going?

We can't find
a motive here.

Yeah, where are we
going to find it?
I don't know.

So where are we going?

Wilson, will you...

I forgot my coat.

Coat?

We'll get some air.

Right.
Think.

Lieutenant, what happened
to your new coat?

Oh, that? It didn't fit.

The wife,
she's gonna change it
for something new.

Oh.

Excuse me, mac,
you were just sitting down?

I beg your pardon.

Wilson, this man
was just sitting down.

Forgive me.

Would you turn around?
I just want to see
the back of your shirt.

Perspiration.
You were sitting?

Yes, I was sitting.
Where were you sitting?

That corner chair
right over there.

Leather. Wilson,
take this down.

Just before
Mr. Jerome was killed,
we know he was sitting.

The next question is
where was he sitting?

There are seven chairs
and a couch.

Where was he sitting?

Well, his jacket was on
this chair. So he could have
been sitting in this chair.

There was
a glass of wine on the desk
and the reading glasses.

He could have been...
He was sweating.

Yes.
His shirt was damp.

You can see
the discoloration.

It starts at the belt

and works halfway
up the back.

So we rule out
all the chairs with cloth.

He was sitting
on leather.

Sit in that chair.

That's a high-back
leather chair.

We rule that out.

The sweat line
would come to the shoulders.

High-back leather chair.
We rule that out.

He was sitting in this chair.

Sweat line hits
in the right place.

So, we know where
he was sitting.

What was he doing?

Well, we know he came up
to check the cash receipts.

But the cash box
was never opened.

The reading glasses.
There were reading glasses
on the desk.

He might have been
reading.

Was there
reading material around?
Books, papers or letters?

No.
He wasn't reading.

No, nothing, sir.

The telephone! He might have
been on the telephone,
talking on the telephone.

Here for 40 minutes?
Maybe part of the time.

I don't see
any connection between
taking out reading glasses

and making a call.

He could have been writing.

The pad is bare.

He never did
what he came up here to do.

He came up here
to count his money,

double-locked the door,
put the money on his desk

but he never
opened the box. Why?

Was it because he got absorbed
in listening to music?

Or did he have something
more important to do?

I would assume it was
because he had something
more important to do.

I think he had something
more important to do.

What was it?

Lieutenant Columbo.

Good afternoon.

You know Sergeant Wilson?

How do you do?

Do you know
how unnerving it is

for everyone who works with me
and works in this building

because you and your men
are snooping around?

Now, is there any chance

that you could be
a little less conspicuous?

It is unnerving.
My apologies, sir.

Thank you.

Now, may I know how long
you and Dr. Watson here

are going to be poking around?

Well, we are
making progress, sir.

Oh. Anything significant?

Tell Mr. Santini
about the trick that I played
on you today.

The Lieutenant's
become a magician.

Go on, tell him about it.
He'll get a kick out of it.

The Lieutenant asked me
to think of a number
between one and four,

and then he would guess
the number that I was thinking
and prove it.

And there was
no doubt about it.

The number was two.

I was thinking
of the number two.

He asked me
the number I was thinking
and I told him two.

And then he asked me
to look under the telephone.

I looked under the telephone
and there was a little slip
of paper and on it said,

"I knew you were
thinking of number two."

Bravo.

SANTINl: That's magic,
wizardry.

Actually, Dunninger
used it in his act.

It's an old standby.

Now, you said you were
making some progress.

Yes, sir, we've determined
where Mr. Jerome was
just before the murder.

Of course, he was right here
in the office.

Where in the office?

Now, how would I know that?

He was sitting in this chair.

Do you know that for a fact?

Yes.

What were we talking about
before Mr. Santini came in?

Well, we were concerned with
what Mr. Jerome was doing

while he was sitting
in the chair.

Right.

We were concentrating
on the reading glasses.

Right.

Actually, sir,
we were concerned
with the motive.

Right.

You see, sir,
we're stumped with the motive.

Do you have a suspect?

Yes.

You do?

We do,

but we don't have
a motive for you.

Oh.

I am the suspect.

How interesting.

Well, finding a motive
should be a piece of cake

for a couple
of clever men like you.

And I promise you
I will not disappear
before your very eyes

when you come to arrest me.

The reading glasses.

You know, Lieutenant,

you would wear reading glasses
if you were typing.

Yes,
you would wear reading glasses
if you were typing,

but there was no paper
in the typewriter.

And there was
no typewritten documents
in either the desk,

in the drawers or on top.

There is nothing
in this room to indicate
that that man was typing.

What's this?

What's what, sir?

This.

Looks like a golf ball.

That's how it types, sir.
The ball types the letters.

But it's not moving.

The typewriter.
This thing is not moving.

Carriage.

This is the carriage,
but there is no carriage
on this typewriter.

You see, the ball
moves from left to right.

Allow me to demonstrate,
sir, please.

You see, I used one of these
at the Academy Typing School.

Oh, I didn't know
they had one.

Oh, yes.

I'll be a son of a gun.

Oh, it's a remarkable
machine, Lieutenant.

Very modern.

See this?

This is a disposable
carbon ribbon
for a very crisp image.

Top speed of this machine
I'd say is about
220 words a minute.

Beautiful. Beautiful machine.

Well, sir,
shall we get cracking?

"Now is the time
for all good men to come
to the aid of their party."

Lieutenant, shall we
continue the search?

Very good, Wilson.

Very good.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Harry, what's going on?

That Lieutenant's
got Danny Green
up in Jesse's office.

Something's about to
break on the murder.

Why do you suppose
he wants to see me?

He didn't say.
I've got work to do.

DANNY: You're crazy.
Santini couldn't have done it.

COLUMBO: He killed him,
Mr. Green, and I can prove it.

I can prove how
and I can prove why.

Blackmail.

Blackmail? Come on.

Blackmail.

Jesse Jerome knew
that Santini was really
Stefan Mueller,

a former SS guard
at the end of World War II.

And when Jesse Jerome
threatened to expose him,
Mueller killed him.

But how?
He was in the basement.

I can prove it.

When he gets here
I'm gonna show you
how he did it.

COLUMBO:
There's no sense running, sir.
There's no place to run to.

I just heard you
talking upstairs in the room
with Green.

No, sir,
we were never up there.

It's an easy illusion
to create.

All you need is some miniature
radio equipment.

The receiver,
a wireless mike
and a transmitter.

You used something like this
the other night.

You used it when you fooled
the waiter into thinking
you were still in the basement

when you were performing
that "pick a number from
one to four" trick,

when in reality
you were upstairs,
killing Jesse Jerome.

Bravo.

Wrong,
but an interesting theory.

More than that.

It shows opportunity.

And the letter shows motive.

A letter?

A letter addressed to
the Department of lmmigration
and Naturalization.

It identifies you
as a war criminal. Means,
opportunity, and motive.

It's enough to convict
for first degree murder.

It's impossible. It's a trick
and not a very good one.

A trick? No.

That's the letter.

Oh, no, Lieutenant.

No, you see,
this letter was burned.

So much for your letter.

There's the letter.

I hope
you were watching carefully.
That's my best trick.

Of course,
I don't have your style,
but I get pretty good results.

You can burn that one, too,
if you like.

There's plenty more
where that came from.

Wilson.

You made one mistake.

You did not look
closely enough
at that typewriter.

If you had, you would have
seen that it used
a plastic carbon ribbon.

Disposable carbon ribbon, sir.

The kind you don't reuse.

And when the key
strikes the ribbon,

it punches out a letter
that is clearly visible
on the used ribbon.

You can see it.

I want you
to see for yourself.

If you look carefully
at this section of the ribbon,

you'll see that it says,

"Now is the time
for all good men to come
to the aid of their party."

I typed that.

Sergeant Wilson typed that.

But Jesse Jerome
typed something else.

And if we unwind
the entire used section
of the ribbon,

we see what Mr. Jerome typed.

"Department of lmmigration
and Naturalization,
Washington D.C.

"Enclosed find a letter
which proves

"that Santini is
in reality an ex-Nazi

"named Stefan Mueller."

I don't think there's any need
for me to go any further,
is there, sir?

No.

Means, opportunity,

motive.

And I thought I'd performed
the perfect murder.

Perfect murder, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry,
there is no such thing
as a perfect murder.

That's just an illusion.

Officer.