Original subtitles

[Music]

vested interests

you want to know the enemy

that's the enemy what about your average

american

baby cube abbott is seen in every small

town and every small mine from here to

baton rouge excuse me you're in

journalism

i'm in government

the republic says things we do though

you should try coming to washington

right now i have this round-trip ticket

to sacramento

so we're all getting invited to

washington

i think i'll go eat

personal history i guess we could all

write one of those huh

yeah

it's getting pretty warm in here isn't

it

aren't you going to eat

and you course

i really like to wait that long

there's always one

on every train

i'm not really hungry myself yet i guess

i'll wait too

now i'll never get any lunch

he'll want to come with me

first he'll grab the check then he'll

grab me

under the table

can i talk to you

you can talk while i listen

you're putting me in my place may i know

what place you're putting me in

a nice little bourgeois niche with a

two-car garage anywhere between here and

who gives a damn i live in cleveland as

a matter of fact

but i spend almost half my time in nyc

business

kind of business

yes

traveling salesman

if it sounds any better to you i'm an

executive in brickhouse steel

it was this austrian millionaire died

and his obituary said he was an iron and

steel

karl krauss said it should have said he

was an iron and stole

i put you down as a radical the moment i

heard your voice

how about a drink i bet you let me get

on with my reading if you know what that

is

radical and aggressive

attack me i defend myself should there

be a law against it i'm not going for it

i hate to walk over

okay with you if i improve myself

you seem to have room for it

subscription form on page six

i'll just take a nibble before i send my

dollar if you don't mind

the role of the masses in industrial

planning cannot fail to be commanding in

the years ahead i'd sooner subscribe to

the horseshit gazette

the coming struggle more karl marx for

beginners

why struggle when he could be coming

anyway

enlighten me we have two whole days for

the process and lightning over a drink

and we just might come in under schedule

can mona lisa speak or is she stuck in

the silent era

i don't go i'm chicken i do go i'm

cooked

could be an article here sex and the

modern female let's go to the dining car

it'll at least be cooler i got a bottle

of whiskey in my compartment i know it's

cooler there

i promise to leave the door open maybe

it's better we just don't go through it

more fun if we do

fun plays no part in my agenda right now

i'm doing

it's a little bright in here don't you

think

that's better

anything else for you sir we have

everything we want

man

leave the door

first and obvious question how did you

get into journalism and why i bit and

scratched

i wanted to tell people the truth

and did you find they wanted to hear it

son

can i ask you something that's the glory

of this kind of thing isn't it

glory may be overdoing it slightly

what's the significance of this

well we had a little officer's club in

france during the war

the four deuces we called ourselves

so what kind of a thing is this brooks

brothers doesn't inform me custom-made

they put the duda on gratis i order a

dozen at a time gets it over with

strangers on a train

you can really talk to strangers

leone thinks i'm stodgy buying my shirts

like that i get everything at brooks

brothers your wife

i got her in cleveland

she never comes with you on trips

she's a homebody i guess she takes care

of the kids we've got the three

two boys and a girl

you've been peaking

she's smart basser

you probably like each other she's a

little radical around the edges herself

goes to french classes french too good

for leonie

she'll never understand why you wasted

your time talking to poor old jerry

see what i mean about these trips

catholics go to confession we have to

take a train to california

why are you going i have to see my dad i

have something i have to tell him

you're going to get married

again

do you have a first wife

first wife no

first love that was a long time ago in

new york

eleanor

do you like the uniform captain breen

u.s cavalry

what does your father think about your

politics same as you i guess

didn't always though

in the old days he fought the bosses all

the way the old railroad crowd he really

locked horns with those bastards

at least those bastards opened the

country didn't i imagine still having a

frontier to cross

i think 40's too old to do things much

oh there you are don't worry i still

have my clothes on excuse me and my

knees together

how about if i order some lunch in here

i could survive a little blotting

paper i had a buddy in the war he used

to say there's only one war i ever want

to be in after this and that's the sex

war

he drowned and the river sang pie-eyed

drunk

you have to go to paris

as soon as the war breaks out

friends i had then i've never had one

like that people never do once they're

grown up do they once they're married if

you even think that you'd like to marry

a girl you know the first thing that

happens is and i'm not talking about

cheating that's small potatoes

it it just

a man doesn't want his wife to

understand him my husband and i

understood each other totally i don't

believe wilbur ever had a thought he

didn't share with me and you loved

wilbur so much

that you went and took up with another

man you were sure he'd understand and

did he he was devastated

so now you're gonna marry the other one

no

after i got my divorce from wilbur i

didn't want bunny anymore but when i'm

marrying it's called max

max

that sounds positively bearded to me are

you in love with him

we're much more liked than wilbur and i

ever were he's a bit of a bohemian too

he's also very selfish sounds ideal uh

was so good and he was so vulnerable

the back of his neck was like a little

boys if you ask me you're still in love

with him

the back of his neck

you remind me of a priest

when i used to go to confession you're

catholic was

didn't you say something about lunch i

have this terrific appetite suddenly

you sure it's for lunch totally positive

[Music]

is your dad gonna like this new man in

yours max well i have to warn you

including the beard

[Music]

i think it's time i said thank you very

much for the hospitality i think you're

absolutely right

[Music]

it's getting choppy out there i think i

better crawl back to my own cabin don't

you think so skipper

great

great shirt

[Music]

i bet you read a lot of books

i bet you haven't

you want to hear my favorite quote

what else am i waiting for

rule one never quote poetry to men

all poetry is an invitation right what

isn't in my experience

i am my own woman well at ease

jeffrey chaucer canterbury tales

i

am my own woman

and i'm easy with right

right

ish

and are

you easy

do you want to hear the story of

crusader in modern dress mercury theater

style

i'll give you strictly the condensed

version okay

this little girl's been just about

everybody's

take them as they come and believe me

mister

they come

lame ducks welcome

meet the greenwich village swan of the

year

do you want to know what exhaustive

researches have revealed in the vacuum

the evaluation of the opposite sex

and this little girl's not wholly limits

its experience

the hands ones aren't worth the damn

pretty boys make lousy lovers

which includes max

mix and whatever you got with his

straight nose

i'm not saying that all men are

unreliable but they're reliable and

the reliable ones are weird-looking

including the backs of their necks

the rich ones

were lifts they were

they were eyeglasses

and they can very very

rarely find the keys to their trust

funds

the clever ones

peach de's enough

are almost always elkies and i cannot

bite a drinker

unless they're swishy and

my idea of a healthy diet i had to tell

you this

is very seldom passed the fruitcake

which

brings us

am i monopolizing this conversation

which brings us

to the serious ones the serious ones are

not to be found in prick house

steel

not on a bat

i'm being candid here to the

point of self incrimination

leveling with a class enemy

should i maybe get myself on the line

or can you get me moscow direct

you don't belong in their class in a

month of sundays

be with jeffrey chaucer says you are

a princess

jeffrey said that

i haven't read him in ages

i think i'll travel alone

holla

and get him from the library

restoration is a library

on this boat

library's closed right now me too

is that a doorknob could be

it feels like it's just my size

good night

dream about me if you can

moscow isn't answering your call no dice

still man

that's me on the line and my answer is

in

oh

feels like n-o-w to me

[Music]

cheyenne wyoming next up

cheyenne wyoming next

[Music]

did mommy's little girl get safely home

drunk but in other respects undefiled

uh oh

please god dreamboat is no longer there

oh no

that damn shirt

maybe nothing really happened maybe i

just passed out maybe i only dreamed

no

i didn't

i didn't

father i have sinned against heaven and

against max and i'm no more

keep calm nobody has to know

can i fetch you folks some breakfast

jesus christ the whole world knows major

headlines front page

later please

yes ma'am

holy virgin now i remember all of it

some of all of it

oh my god now he knows it all

i'm the kind of a girl uses a pin in her

pants

you're a son of a [ __ ] but you're a

tidy son of a [ __ ] so what you should

do with my stockings

where is my other stalking big boy

he probably tipped the waiter with it

god damn it

where have you been sugar

theorist he beats me black and blue and

then he calls me dearest mr america

wouldn't you know it now we're into the

big musical number have i maybe seen the

show

with me i'll fix it with leonie to get a

divorce the club car had had the air

conditioning none of this would have

happened i love you sweetie i'm engaged

you could never have done the things

that you did if you were in love with

anybody else i was tight mr

jerry excuse me he's my name jerry

blaine terrific i didn't do things you

did hell you didn't a girl like you

doesn't let a man have her just because

she's tight

kiss me beautiful

mind if i throw up first

[Music]

don't be nice to me i just may throw up

again

take it like medicine

i hate to think of the porter mustang

he thinks he's 10 bucks to the good i'll

give him 10 more when i get off he

thinks you're the tops

so i'm a 10 buck tomato

i'm not letting you go

whatever damn commie newspaper you write

for just what i always wanted a

capitalist son of a [ __ ] who knows how

to tip sleeping car attendance a man

with no shame no accent no beard and

personalized shirts made by the dozen a

gentleman called jerry

if only this had happened 10 years ago

do you like 14 year old girls does leone

know about this

i wasn't so fat then were you taller too

i'm full payment okay

like hell

you owe me more than that

and yourself

[Music]

i think the library's open yet

you've had all the books you're ever

gonna need to have

i need you angel

yeah i'm gonna have you

[Music]

why do we do the things we do

if the comrades could see me now

stand by for a fascist invasion

oh angel

angel

[Music]

you remember your first time

vividly

mine was called kiki

she said

i can still see that derriere going up

the rickety stairs ahead of me i was

shaking like i was going to my own

execution and she knew it

i was uh

a little

quick on the trigger

as you can maybe imagine

easily she was very understanding like

you would be

don't necessarily bank on that

kiki knew a thing or three that's for

sure i was shocked if you can believe

that i can believe anything if it isn't

nice i was afraid she might put

something extra on the tab imagine i was

already an officer

and i was still 12 years old maxima

don't you love him could you love him

picture of a capitalist [ __ ] growing his

head off and never guessing what a noise

he's making

i sure hate sex sometimes

his sex in particular

and the war that goes with it

he really thinks he won so he invites

kiki to the victory parade she taught

him everything he knows and he sure

knows a trick or two not that i'm

impressed i'm not

but

rydom cowboy seems to be the motto all

right

did you ever play golf

golf you should just see the chorus at

del monte or we could go to france

i could acquire a swing just in time to

go fight fascism

tell you what you do

go back to leone

i tell her the whole story tell her

nothing whatsoever leonie's got a lot of

good qualities you'd like each other

we could do french together

maybe kiki could come give us some

special tuition maybe we could all live

together the three of us menage a trois

now there's a french lesson they haven't

maybe had in cleveland yet

how about an apartment of your own

central park west someplace

do you like black seal gundy's by any

chance

red says fender belts

peekaboo braziers little holes cut out

porter doesn't everybody

excuse me can you do something for me

possibly because i need it i'll get you

a charge account you can throw away that

safety pin of yours live dangerously at

my expense i don't even like to say this

man's first name i am seriously

reluctant to say his first name

jerry it's time you had a real man in

your life

someone uh

he isn't going to say really take care

of me is he really take care of you

bingo

for 10 years i've been feeling as if i'd

missed the boat

boats get a long way in ten years that

can involve a very big step between dock

and deck you're once-in-a-lifetime

material and here it's been twice

already that should just about wrap me

up shouldn't it

dear dear mr breen

it's a jury didn't i tell you i

consulted the supreme soviet we all

prefer mr breen

how about

mrs breen

[Music]

you don't marry me what'll happen to you

that's a terrible life you're leaving

in a few years

you're going to be one of those bohemian

horrors

with greasy hair and and long earrings

from new mexico

it makes me sick to think about it

ask your father

you fell in love with me precisely

because that's what i am a bohemian no

that's not what you really are

you're not a sweet girl don't underneath

you're just a sweet girl who doesn't

want anybody to know it i know it

no plutocrat calls me sweet and gets

away with it

you don't want to marry uh

what's his name

max

max isn't it

sure i do don't i

don't make me laugh i won't cry

do i

i don't want to laugh or cry what do i

do

it's been the happiest time of my life i

mean that

are you promised that you'll call me

no excuse me i'll come and meet you on

your way back if it's the last thing i

do

you're not gonna marry max anybody

you're gonna marry me or nobody at all

[Applause]

[Music]

why do we never say the things we mean

to say

[Music]

i went to visit my father

i acted like it was just one more trip

to see him

he knew it was the last

i left him without even mentioning max

there are no real words to say goodbye

with

[Music]

i went and called breen and told him the

train i was catching

nice girls keep their promises

but why do they promise in the first

place

god help

would i me recognize you

if you're not wearing a shirt

could you possibly be a little more like

gary cooper than memory suggests

with the right tater in the right ideas

a tad more in the way of conversation

what do i really want

mr left and mr right

sweetheart

you're really here

in a couple of weeks i'm going to philly

stay in three nights come with me

what second prize i'll take that mr

breen

it's still jerry and he still wants to

marry you

how's leone

and the two boys and the girl

jerry

you shouldn't have

listen

we've booked a vacation the whole family

we're going to vermont

i promise to teach jerry junior how to

shoot

right between the eyes

i'll talk to leonie after that

yeah i'd give anything

to go with you right now

but you can't you mustn't

you're right

we have to be sensible don't we

how was your father really sad fairy

i hope i get to see him one day

i'll come see you in new york just as

soon as i can

i'll just editorialize until you get

there

till then sweetheart

oh no i bet it's the shirt

before the revolution

brothers

will he come to new york

he'll come

the book dinner in some fancy place

the conversation will be strained and

raunchy by turns

he'll talk about fidelity and get off on

betrayal

we'll go back to his room at del

monaco's and he'll want to do stuff we

never did before

then he'll sigh and look at his watch

time sure does fly when you're happy

he'll say he'll be coming back

but he won't

you'll go back to leone

so much for strangers on a train

there has to be more to the future than

jerry breen executive lover

unless there's less

[Music]

ah

[Music]

[Music]

so

[Music]

so

[Music]

wow

hello kid been waiting long i couldn't

hear the bell

how about a cocktail sweet might that be

an idea i'll make them i'm fine here you

go get dressed all right

they lived in the roaring twenties that

era of wonderful nonsense when everyone

smoked drank and kissed easily

he was a charmer with a voice as

intimate as the rustle of sheets

she was one of those anxious young women

caught in his web

here

surrounded by gifts paid for by

unwitting husbands she came for her

evening of passion

welcoming you back ladies and gentlemen

on this enchanting new york night it's

johnny johnson in this orchestra from

the astor roof

hey kid

would you like some more light no i like

it better in the desk like this it's

sweet

dusk is so personal somehow

this is nice so nice being here

it's nice and peaceful

[Music]

oh lord why can't people just be

peaceful

that's little enough to ask isn't it

why does there have to be so much hell

all the time there doesn't have to be

there's never any need for hell there's

an awful lot of it around sweet there

certainly is

but second raiders are stirred pal

first-rate people wouldn't

uni never have another bit of it in your

beautiful life if you could just manage

to give up that band of spitting

hellcats that constantly prowl around

you my lamb

oh hobie i've been wanting to tell you

for so long but it's so rotten hard to

say

if i say it it makes me sound like one

of them it makes me seem jealous

just i worry so about you

you're so fine you're so lovely and it

nearly kills me to see you just eaten up

by a lot of things like

margot wadsworth or

mrs holt or

evie maynard and those

so much better than that you know that's

why i'm saying it i haven't got a stitch

of jealousy in me

jealous

good heavens if i was gonna be jealous

i'd be about someone worthwhile and not

some

silly

stupid

idol

worthless

hysterical

promiscuous

sex ridden

no

i'm sorry

i guess i'm sorry

maybe the way they behave isn't really

their fault

after all they'll never know how lovely

it is when we're alone together

oh it is hobie isn't it isn't it

uh-huh

hobie

hey you promised you'd forget about last

wednesday you said you'd never remember

it again

oh whatever made me do it making scenes

having tantrums rushing out in the

middle of the night and then crawling

back

me who wanted to show you how different

a woman could be

tell me i wasn't as terrible as i know i

was

darling you were the worst i ever saw

oh dear

oh dear oh dear

what can i say sorry is it nearly enough

i'm broken i'm in little bits

would you mind doing something about

putting me together again

listen

i want to say it all now and then never

say it anymore

i want to tell you that there will never

never be anything like last wednesday

ever again

but we have as much too lovely ever to

cheap and i promise you i promise you i

won't ever be like

like anybody else

you couldn't be a kid

i don't think that always say it

sometimes it's so sweet to hear were you

hoping

for your size you talk an awful lot

so

[Music]

guess i'd rather be right this minute

more than anybody else in the world who

me

there's that damn telephone isn't it

and wouldn't it be

let's not answer it let's let it ring no

you mustn't

no it must be big and strong

anyway maybe it's somebody who just died

and left you 20 million dollars maybe it

isn't some other woman at all

what if it is what difference does it

make

see how sweet and reasonable i'm being

look at me being generous

you can afford to be sweetheart

i know i can't

after all whoever she is she's miles

away

i'm right here

yes

hello

hello

[Music]

except for my big toenail you're the

ugliest thing i've ever seen hello hey

operator

[Music]

operator

yes this is mr ogden

who

oh hello hello connie

how are you dear

[Music]

the only thing is i've got to go right

out uh so if you came into town now it

really wouldn't do

well do much keeping these people

waiting as it is

why don't you wait connie and come into

town tomorrow sometime

well can't you tell me now

why of course i do anything in the world

if i could but i tell you i can't

tonight

no no no no no it isn't that at all

no it isn't anything like that

no no these these people are friends of

my sisters and

i've got to go out with them it's just

one of those things you got to do

look

why don't you be a good girl and go to

bed early and that way you'll feel

better tomorrow hmm

will you do

that what

of course i do connie

well all right if you really want to but

i don't know what time i'll be home

of course i do connie

now you'll be a good girl won't you

bye dear

oh god

how is dear mrs holt great quirking way

up at the top of her form i wasn't aware

that she had it for him she says she has

something she wants to tell me can't be

her age

she says it's too hard to say over the

telephones well then it must be her age

she's afraid that it might sound like

her telephone number

[Music]

about twice a week connie has something

she must tell you right away that you

couldn't possibly say over the telephone

usually it turns out she's found the

butler drinking again i see

poor little connie

for little connie darling why do we have

to waste time talking about connie holt

couldn't we just be peaceful not while

that cheby's prowls the streets is she

coming into town tonight well she was

but then she more or less said she

wouldn't

oh she will she will

[Music]

hobie you don't really want to see that

old thing tonight do you

do you because if you do

maybe you do

naturally if connie has something she

wants to tell you right away you want to

see her

look hobie you know you can see me

anytime you know it's not a bit

important seeing me tonight so why don't

you call her back right away

huh

tell her to take the next train out it's

faster than motoring and certainly safer

since i don't think her night vision is

all that good

you know she wears special glasses

so please

it's quite all right with me really do

it

oh kit

you know damned well the last thing i

want is to see connie holt

you know i want to be with you

why do you work up all this i watched

you just sit here and deliberately talk

yourself into a state starting right out

of nothing now what's the idea of that i

usually work myself into a state as you

call it on my feet but whoever is

responsible for this piece of

decor left me no option but to do it

sitting down oh good lord

what's the matter with women anyway

please don't call me women

i'm sorry darling i didn't even use bad

words

i'm sorry obviously i spoke

ill-advisedly if i cause you some

distress please believe that it was my

misfortune and not my intention

[Music]

now what would you have done if i'd

taken you up on your offer and called

back connie holt

i should have died

i only said it because i wanted to hear

you say it was me one to be with oh i

need to hear you say that hobie it's

what i live on darling kit

you ought to know all that without me

saying it

it's this feeling you have to say things

that's what spoils everything yeah i'm

supposed to i suppose i know

well the so is i just get so mixed up i

didn't always need reassuring not at

first but things aren't well they aren't

the same now there just seemed to be so

many others

and how do you think it makes me feel to

sit there and hear you lie to connie

hold here you say that you need to go

out with friends of your sister why

can't you just say you have a date with

me are you ashamed of me hobby is that

it okay for heaven's sakes i don't know

why i did it i did it before i even

thought i did it well i guess i did it

instinctively i guess because it was the

easiest thing to do

i suppose i'm just weak no

you weak

and is there any other news tonight i

know i am i know it's weak to do

anything in the world to avoid a scene

exactly what is connie holt to you and

you to her that she may make a scene if

she learned to have an engagement with

another woman

oh god

i told you i don't give a damn about

connie holt

she's nothing to me now will you for

god's sakes drop it she's nothing to you

i see

that would be of course why you call her

dear every other word

if i did i never knew i was saying it

good lord that doesn't mean anything

it's simply a form of

of nervousness i suppose

i mean why i call telephone operators

dear i'm sure you do

you stop

stop it

you just be sweet and loving

and stop fighting

to hell with mrs holt to hell with her

how do i know that the way you talk to

me about mrs holt isn't just the same

way you talk to her about me when i'm

not there oh how do i know that oh dear

sweet lord oh baby just please stop

stop it

can we just be sweet and peaceful

like this

thank you darling

if you only knew how much i hate your

lampshades

honestly

what's the matter with them

dearest if you don't know i couldn't

ever explain it to you

let's not talk just now

try explaining

well among other things they are banal

inappropriate

and unbeautiful

but that should come as no surprise

given evie maynard's taste

you don't like the way she decorated the

apartment kid sweetheart i think it's

poisonous you know that

would you like to do it or

i should say not i'm the one who doesn't

want to decorate your apartment but if i

ever did the first thing i would do

would be to paint these walls putty

color no no the first thing i would do

would be to tear away all of his chins

and i'd fling into the winds and then

i think your telephone is ringing

don't let me keep you from answering it

i really must go pat on my nose

what

no that would be delightful

why do

is there a livery stable around here

where they rent wild horses

because if there is i wish you'd call

them up and ask them to send over a

couple of teams

why

because i want to show you that they

couldn't drag me into asking who's on

the telephone

is this dry enough sweet because you

like them dry don't you what do you

think

um

i can't stand it tell me

all right i think it's a little too dry

obi who was that on the telephone

oh that

well that was a lady who shall remain

nameless but if she had one would it be

connie holt

no that was the funniest thing i'm

wanting to laugh

that was evie maynard just when we were

talking about her well well well and

isn't it a small world

and what's on her mind if i may so

flatter her is her butler drunk too

evie doesn't have a butler

no she's just dizzy same as usual she's

got a cocktail party at her apartment

and they all want to go out on the town

that's all well luckily you were going

out with these friends of your sister

you were just going out the door when

she called i never told her any such

thing

i said i had a date that i'd been

looking forward to all week did you

mention any names there's no reason why

i should it's none of her affair

any more than what she's doing or who

she's doing it with is any concern of

mine

i've hardly seen it since she did the

apartment i don't care if i never see

her again i'd rather i never saw her

again you obviously don't have to she

left so much of herself behind

what did she want she wanted to drop by

for a cocktail she and a few of those

interior decorator boys she has with her

i told her absolutely

no

you think that'll keep her away oh no

she'll be here she and those carnivorous

butterflies flutter around her

now let's see they ought to arrive just

about the time mrs holt has started over

and decided to come into town all

bearing gifts of chintz

well this is shaping up into a lovely

evening isn't it great

and if i may say so you're doing

everything you can to make it harder you

little sweet

why are you being so nasty kit

i know it's horrible but

it's while i do it in self-defense if i

didn't say all those nasty things i'd

cry

please cry i'm afraid to cry it would

take so long to stop

all those awful women

if they were fine if they were sweet and

gentle and intelligent maybe i shouldn't

mind

maybe i should i don't know i don't know

much of anything anymore my mind goes

round and around

i thought that what we had was so

different

well

it wasn't

you know hobie i used to come first i

did

i did you did and you do

and i always will

and you always will

hobie

just please be sweet again kit

like this darling

like this child

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you know this is my fault

i did this it was me

i was the one who said let's meet here

instead of at my house i said it would

be quieter

yes i said that

it was me

i give you my word that damn thing

hasn't rung in a week well it was lucky

for me that i was here the last time it

did wasn't it i am known as little miss

horseshoes well

oh for god's sake just answer it hobie

it's driving me crazy i hope to god it's

the wrong number

hello

yes

oh hello there how are you dear

how did you

ah that's too bad

why you see i was out with some friends

of mine

i was out till quite late

oh that's too bad you waited up all

their time

no i did not say that margo i said i'd

come if i possibly could

that's exactly what i said

i did so well then you misunderstood me

well you must have

now there's no need to be unreasonable

out of margot

it was a misunderstanding that's all i'm

terribly

sorry why i can't an idea

because i

can't

because i have a date i've had for a

long time

yes

oh no please margo

margo please don't

now don't do that margo i tell you i

won't be in

all right come ahead if you wish but i

won't be here

listen i can't talk to you when you're

like this i'll call you tomorrow dear

look i've got to run uh bye

bye

how about another cocktail sweet

don't you think we ought

what's all this about i'm so sorry but i

truly must go home

oh really

may i ask why

so sweet of you to be interested thank

you very much

well it just so happens that i can't

stand any more of this

spare me the insult

there is somewhere i think some proverb

about a worm's eventually turning it's

doubtless from the arabic they so often

are

well good night hopey and thank you for

those delicious cocktails they've

cheered me up wonderfully ah listen

please

don't do this kid please don't darling

please

this is just the way you were last

wednesday

i'm so sorry yes there's a little

respect for tradition now give me back

my hand i'd like to leave nothing behind

good night hobie and good luck always

all right kid

if this is what you want to do

want to do it's nothing i want i just

thought it'd be rather easier for you if

you could be alone with your telephone

my lord do you think i want to talk to

those fools what can i do take the

receiver off is that what you want me to

do why not it's a good trick of yours

isn't that what you did last wednesday

when this full tried calling you after

she'd gone home and was in agony all

night i did not the operator must have

been calling up the wrong number i was

alone here all night

so you said

i don't lie to you kid

that is the most outrageous lie you've

ever told me

good night hobie

good all right kid

i'm sorry it must end like this

good night

it does seem too bad doesn't it oh kids

can't you understand

you always used to

don't you know how i am

but don't do this kid please

plea please just take these things off

and come and sit down

sit down

and wait for the ladies to gather

they're not coming how do you know

they've come before haven't they how do

you know they won't come tonight i don't

know i don't know what the hell they'll

do i don't know what the hell you'll do

anymore and i thought you were different

oh

darling i was different

just so long as you thought i was

different

isn't that sad oh kid

kid darling

just come and be the way we were

come and sit and be sweet

and peaceful

and later on we can go to some quiet

place and have dinner

and we'll talk all right

will you

well if you think i think

just go answer it you damn

damn

damn

stallion

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hello

oh yes hello

[Music]

of course everyone

i do too remember you we met it what

no i have nothing going on enough why

well we can meet wherever you wish what

time

well we could meet here but

no no no that would be lovely i tell you

what you do

ring the bell too long and three short

no i tell you what ring the bell three

long and too short

what

oh no it's not anything like that it's

just a

business acquaintance might drop by and

we don't want any such intruder

do we

well i look forward to a lovely evening

of sweetness and peace

bye

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be

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[Applause]

madrid

oh yeah

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on march 31st

mailed your registered letter and

closing signed contract

book of stories

and requesting money then do me as

advance on royalties stop

this money to date

not received stop

please

please please repeat

please

send to guaranty trust of new york

number four numero cuatro

place de la concorde

paris france stock

[Music]

regard the status

d d-a-v-i-s

okay

you want to read that back

sorry oil date line deadline the ead

sorry over that line but situation

barcelona more

complicated complicated complicado

fine forget it i mean uh send it

you feel better

i feel fine

there's nothing wrong with me i feel

fine

you want to have a beer

um sure

it does survey says

remember that house in lagav renee and

we had a curtain like that on the

kitchen door only it was ribbons colored

ribbons

and i wanted to just stay there every

place we've ever been you wanted to just

stay there

well you never wanted to stay anywhere i

would want to stay

somewhere with water

not a pond like back there but running

water

good big trout stream

nobody else was allowed to fish it

in two houses one where i would have my

children and my wife

and the other where i would have my nine

beautiful mistresses

which house would i live in well i have

to have a third house for you

a rich girl's house

and when i drove on the road from one to

the other i would toss coins to all my

illegitimate children you wouldn't have

any children

there goes that

the hills look like white elephants

i've never seen a white elephant

no you wouldn't have

now wait a minute just because you say i

wouldn't have what the hell is that

supposed to mean nothing they don't

exist

they're imaginary imaginary white

elephants

useless eyes that's not necessary

anise del toro

it's a drink

can we try it

any still total perfect war uno

i don't know is it good with water it's

all right

i bet it tastes like licorice

how do you know you've never had it

everything tastes like licorice

especially everything you've waited for

like absinthe or

paris or sex i've had that cut it out

you started it i was being amused i was

having a fine time all right let's try

and have a fine time i was trying i said

that the mountains look like white

elephants

aren't you always telling me to really

look at things wasn't that wasn't i

really looking wasn't that bright very

bright

and then i want to try this new drink

isn't that what we do

you know we we

try new drinks and really look at things

and try new drinks i guess so

no

that's not exactly all we do

i do something else

i also write it down i look at something

and then i think about it and then i

write down what i think that's what i do

it for i don't know what you do it for

but that's what i do it for

just said the hills

they don't really look like white

elephants i mean which you've never seen

and i've never seen i just meant

the coloring through the trees

it tastes like licorice

i love the taste of licorice i love all

the things it tastes like

it's really a very simple operation hash

i'll go with you and i'll stay with you

all the time

it's just to let the air in

it's not really an operation at all

they put a knife in you i think that you

call that an operation they just let the

air in and then it's all

just perfectly natural

air

everything has another name it's not

licorice it's a nice del toro it's not a

baby it's

tissue

i'm sorry

what do we do afterward we'll be fine

afterward just like we were before

what makes you think so

it's the reason we're unhappy

and if i do it we'll be fine and you'll

be happy

i know we will

when we had that house at the garnet i

thought that we'd always hang colored

ribbons at our kitchen door

very

domestic

very cozy

you can have this kitchen door when

we're old

we'll go and we'll live in lake forest

get a kitchen get a door get the colored

ribbons

knock em dead in lake forest all these

colored ribbons

look ash

you don't have to be afraid i know lots

of people that have done it

so i'm sorry and afterwards they were

all so happy

why do you always wear that hat

what's wrong with this hat

it's a writer's hat

i'm a writer

all right i almost forgot

writers don't have kitchen doors they

have hats

and any place they hang their hat is

home sweet home to them

you've got to realize i don't want you

to do this if you don't want to

but if i do it you'll be happy and

things will be like they were and you'll

love me i love you now you know i love

you

but if i do it it'll be nice again if i

say things are like white elephants you

like it i'll love it i love it now but i

just can't think about it you know how i

get when i worry

[Music]

[Music]

you know how to cure olives to you

no

i learned how in santa barbara

i guess it's just something that rich

girls get taught how to do like tennis

which is why you don't i told you before

i don't want it but you already do

[Music]

you do use

we use it

so it's not money

listen if i do it

do you promise you won't worry anymore

i promise it will be perfectly simple

i'll do it

because i don't care about me

what is that supposed to mean

i don't care about me

i care about you

but i don't

so i'll do it and everything will be

fine

there now that's decided

let's go for a walk

hash the train

you think we won't notice it coming

you know what i like to do when this is

over

i told you you can't eat them they have

to be cured

what is it you'd like to do when this is

over i'd like to

walk over the past down into italy

we could go to venice

get in a little romantic party

we could go to apollo

remember the day that we ate the mussels

in there

and that french waitress the one that we

called

yvonne

the horrible horrible one

yeah

we could go back to rapala or cortina

not cortina that's where i lost the

manuscript on the train and you made a

scene at the station because the station

master wouldn't stop it this is my

manuscript that might not be important

to you and you'd left a copy of it at

the concierge with the ritz

you always leave that part of the story

out

going back isn't ever any good i'm

talking about we could have had

everything

and every day we make it more impossible

we can have everything

no we can't we can have the whole world

it isn't ours anymore

and once they take it away you never get

it back

don't feel that way

i don't feel any way i just know things

somebody's taking our table

as far as i know i have only one life to

live

and by god i'm gonna live it where it

interests me i have no romantic feeling

about

home or family or any other baggage

but if this means so much to you then

don't do it i don't want you to do it

i am perfectly willing to go through

with this whole thing if it means so

much to you

could we go down now and and have

another beer

and could we maybe stop talking i just

don't want you don't want anything to

change

but things do change

or they die

i don't want anybody but you

and i know it's this perfectly simple

thing yeah you would know that

no what

know that it's this perfectly simple

thing it's all right for you to say that

but i do know it

would you do something for me now

i would do anything for you

could we please please please please

please stop talking

if you don't want to i'll i'll scream

if you want to live where it interests

you maybe you should get interested in

speaking the language

it's okay

it's settling i don't want you to do it

i don't care anything about it i will

scream

cyprus

they weren't gonna let you on the boat

because you didn't have the right stamp

on your passport it's all gone

not gone at all i wrote about it

except it wasn't exactly you and the

story never exactly me and the story

won't be exactly me in the story that

you're right about this i don't want to

write a story about this

but you will

and in this story there will be a man

someone like you

and the woman who's not exactly me

and the woman will be sitting here and

the man will be standing there and the

train will be coming and she'll stand up

and they'll get on the train

and they'll both know that it's not

going to make any difference whether she

does it or she doesn't do it stop it

and i'll be wherever i am and i'll read

this story by you you'll be where i am

and i'll put it down and i won't show it

to whoever i'm with

you'll be with me

then all day long i'll be remembering

this day and the day in rapala when we

ate the mussels

and even the day in cortina when the

station master wouldn't stop the train

and a certain day in the garfreney and a

certain day and when they passed

we had all those days didn't we

we did

we had the whole world

it's perfectly simple

whatever you want to do it's going to be

perfectly simple and afterwards we'll be

perfectly happy

exactly

perfectly perfectly perfectly happy

[Music]

so

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so

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so

so

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ah

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

you