Original subtitles

COME ON, DAD, PLEASE.

JUNIOR, I TOLD YOU WHEN YOU FIRST BOUGHT THAT PIECE OF JUNK,

THAT'S YOUR HEADACHE, YOUR CAR.

DON'T GET ME INVOLVED.

BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP ME WITH THIS.

OH, SO YOU NEED MY SPECIAL MECHANICAL SKILLS?

NO. I NEED YOUR $250 TO BUY A NEW BUMPER.

BOY, YOU MUST HAVE BUMPED YOUR HEAD.

IF YOU NEED THAT KIND OF MONEY, YOU NEED A JOB.

BUT THEY'RE NOT HIRING.

WHO'S THEY? THEM.

NONE OF THEM? YOU TALKED TO ALL OF THEM?

WELL, MOST OF THEM.

WELL, DAMN THEM. EXACTLY.

FORGET THEM! THAT'S WHAT I TOLD THEM!

THE NERVE OF THEM! THE NERVE!

SO, WILL YOU GIVE ME THE MONEY? UH...

NO!

AGH! MAN!

HEY, DON'T SUCK YOUR TEETH.

I'LL KNOCK THEM OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

LOOK AT THIS -- ALONE TIME WITH MY BABY AT LAST.

YEAH, YOU GOTTA GRAB IT WHILE YOU CAN.

I'M GONNA GRAB IT RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE THE MOST INCREDIBLY FABULOUS NEWS.

YOU DECIDED TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO BEING A DOCTOR

AND WORKING WITH THE POOR,

AND YOU'RE GONNA REMAIN CELIBATE?

CLOSE. I GOT INVITED TO THE SENIOR PROM.

OH! BABY, THAT'S GREAT! YOU'RE GOING TO THE PROM!

I'M GOING TO THE PROM!

WAIT A SECOND. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SENIOR PROM?

YEAH. BUT YOU'RE A SOPHOMORE.

THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT.

AT THIS RATE, I COULD GO TO THREE PROMS

AND BECOME A LEGEND IN POPULARITY AT MY SCHOOL!

SO TELL ME WHO ASKED YOU. WHAT'S HIS NAME?

IS HE CUTE? IS HE FINE?

JAY, YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE 17!

GET OUT!

OKAY, DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS.

OKAY, HIS NAME IS DONOVAN McINTYRE.

HE'S THE QUARTERBACK OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM,

AN ACADEMIC ALL-AMERICAN,

EDITOR OF THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,

AND...HE'S GORGEOUS!

HA HA HA HA! I HATE HIM. YOU'RE NOT GOING.

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIM.

WE GOTTA GO GET YOU A DRESS...

WAIT. WHAT ABOUT TONY?

REMEMBER? YOUR BOYFRIEND, TONY?

YEAH, TONY DOESN'T MIND.

TONY KNOWS YOU'RE GOING TO THE SENIOR PROM

WITH THE QUARTERBACK OF THE SCHOOL,

AND HE'S OKAY WITH THAT? YEAH.

HE'S GAY. NO, HE'S NOT.

HE KNOWS IT'S JUST A FUN THING WITH DONOVAN.

THERE'S NOTHING ROMANTIC INVOLVED.

DONOVAN CAN TAKE ANY SENIOR HE WANTS TO THE PROM,

BUT HE'S GONNA TAKE A SOPHOMORE,

AND YET THERE'S NO ROMANTIC AGENDA?

YEAH. HE'S GAY, TOO. THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S GAY.

JUNIOR'S GAY. THAT'S WHY HE'S TALKING ABOUT BUMPERS.

THEY GO TO HOMO HIGH.

DAD, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NEGATIVE?

I'M BEING NEGATIVE

BECAUSE I'M POSITIVE ABOUT WHAT THAT BOY WANTS.

NO, YOU CAN'T GO.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT PROMS.

NO, I DON'T. I MISSED MY PROM.

I'LL TELL YOU. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

YOU KNOW WHAT "PROM" STANDS FOR? ASK ME.

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

PENES RUBBING ON MY DAUGHTER.

OKAY.

DAD...

FIRST OF ALL...

THAT SPELLS "PROMD."

NO, THE "D" IS SILENT, JUST LIKE YOU'RE GONNA BE.

OKAY, GO UPSTAIRS.

LET ME TALK TO YOUR FATHER, PLEASE.

SO, YOU'RE GONNA SAY ABSOLUTELY NO TO THIS

DESPITE THE WAY I FEEL?

ABSOLUTELY.

THE ONLY WAY I'D LET HER GO IS IF WE TOOK HER.

OH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR PARENTS TO CHAPERONE.

I COULD VOLUNTEER US!

NO, WAIT, WAIT, HO, HO. HEY, HEY.

I WAS BEING FACETIOUS.

I DIDN'T MEAN WE WERE ACTUALLY GONNA GO.

WHAT TROUBLE COULD SHE POSSIBLY GET IN

WITH US THERE WATCHING HER?

THE GUY'S A QUARTERBACK.

HE'S USED TO SCORING IN FRONT OF THE CROWD.

MICHAEL... SHE'S GOING.

SHE IS NOT. SHE IS SO.

SHE IS NOT. SHE IS SO.

SHE IS NOT. SHE IS NOT.

SHE IS SO, AND THAT'S FINAL!

OKAY, YOU WIN.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU BUGS BUNNY'D ME!

HEY, JUNIOR, YOUR MOTHER AND I WANT TO KNOW

WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO YOUR PROM?

BECAUSE IT'S JUST A BIG SHOWCASE

FOR LOSERS, NERDS, WANNABES -- BENEATH ME.

OH, VANESSA'S OUT OF TOWN? YEAH.

IS THAT THE ORIGINAL BUMPER RIGHT THERE?

YEAH, I JUST PUT A LITTLE SPIT SHINE TO HER.

BUT THIS IS JUST TEMPORARY.

HERE'S WHAT MY BABY'S GONNA LOOK LIKE WHEN I'M FINISHED.

A BLONDE IN A BIKINI? HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

[ LAUGHS ] NO, DAD -- UNDER HER.

OH, THE CAR.

YEAH. DON'T YOU LIKE IT?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT.

IT'S JUST, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA RESTORE THIS CAR.

I'M NOT GONNA RESTORE THE CAR.

I'M GONNA HOOK IT UP. GIRLS LIKE A CAR THAT'S FLASHY.

THEY ALSO LIKE ONE THAT MOVES.

IT'S GONNA MOVE, ALL RIGHT.

VANESSA AND I ARE GONNA DRIVE IT UP TO LOOKOUT HILL,

THEN TEST OUT THE HYDRAULICS. HA HA!

KNOW WHAT I MEAN, DAD?

HA HA! NO.

OW!

LOOK, JUNIOR, YOU'RE 18 YEARS OLD.

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO START DEVELOPING STYLE --

CLASSIC STYLE.

I WAS REALLY HOPING THAT YOU WOULD RESTORE THIS CAR

TO THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

YOU MEAN OLD SCHOOL?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S YOUR CAR, YOUR MONEY. DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

I AM. SEE, LOOK AT THESE WHEELS.

EVEN WHEN THE CAR STOPS, THEY KEEP SPINNING.

SO DOES MY BRAIN AFTER A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.

JUNIOR, THESE THINGS LOOK EXPENSIVE.

THEY ARE. I FIGURE I'LL BE ABLE TO ORDER THEM IN ABOUT A YEAR,

UNLESS... UNLESS WHAT?

UNLESS I GET SOME HELP

FROM A HANDSOME, BALD-HEADED BENEFACTOR.

VING RHAMES IS GONNA LOAN YOU SOME MONEY?

[ Laughing ] NO, DAD -- YOU.

LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT.

OKAY.

[ CELLULAR PHONE RINGS ]

HELLO? UH...NO.

OH, COME ON, DAD, PLEASE.

I'LL NEVER GET THIS CAR DONE IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT MYSELF.

YOU DON'T WANT ME INVOLVED WITH THIS. YES, I DO!

NO, YOU DON'T. YES, I DO. I DO!

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IF I GET INVOLVED,

THAT IT... [ IMITATING STATIC ] UH-HUH.

AND YOU DON'T CARE THAT A...

I DON'T CARE AT ALL.

AND YOU'RE SAYING, "DADDY..."

MM-HMM. BECAUSE IT...BE...

ABSOLUTELY.

YEAH? THEN YOU AGREE TO THOSE TERMS?

COMPLETELY.

OKAY...

D-DAD -- DAD, I'M LOSING YOU.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

DAD, ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THE CANYON?

YEAH.

DAD, DO YOU MIND? I'M TALKING TO MY FATHER!

HELLO?

HELLO IN THERE.

AAH!

GOODBYE IN THERE.

KADY, GET UP.

I NEED FOR YOU TO BE PATIENT, OKAY?

WE'RE GONNA BE LEAVING IN A MINUTE --

AS SOON AS WE FIND CLAIRE A PRETTY DRESS.

CLAIRE, HURRY UP!

[ SIGHS ]

[ GASPS ]

[ Sobbing ] OH, MY BABY!

WHY ARE YOU CRYING AGAIN?

THIS IS THE SIXTH DRESS I'VE TRIED ON.

EVERY TIME I COME OUT, YOU BURST INTO TEARS.

OH, BECAUSE, BABY, YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

YOU REMIND ME OF WHAT I WOULD LOOK LIKE

IF I'D HAVE GONE TO MY PROM.

OH, YES, CLAIRE, YOU GOTTA GO WITH THIS ONE.

THIS IS FABULOUS.

ARE YOU SURE?

OH, YEAH, GIRL. OH, OH...

YES, GIRL, GO WITH THAT ONE. GO WITH THAT ONE.

OH, AND NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS FIND A NICE DRESS FOR ME, AND WE'RE IN THERE.

WHAT? CHAPERONES DON'T WEAR GOWNS.

YOU PUT ON A DARK SUIT

AND STAND IN THE CORNER TALKING TO THE GYM TEACHER.

SWEETIE...COME ON.

IF I DID THAT, THEN I REALLY WOULD STAND OUT.

BUT IF I GET MY OWN GOWN,

I CAN BLEND IN WITH ALL THE OTHER KIDS.

YEAH, LIKE NO ONE WILL NOTICE

A 35-YEAR-OLD FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT.

[ GRUNTS ]

DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO?

PRETTY COOL, HUH?

THOSE ARE THE ORIGINAL WHEELS.

I KNOW. I'M HOOKING IT UP. THEY LOOK GREAT, HUH?

THEY LOOK...OLD.

NO, NOT OLD, SON.

THEY'RE CLASSIC.

YOU DON'T CALL "THE GODFATHER" MOVIE AN OLD MOVIE.

YOU CALL IT A CLASSIC.

YOU DON'T CALL MOTOWN MUSIC OLD MUSIC.

YOU CALL IT CLASSIC.

YOU DON'T CALL LIZA MINNELLI OLD.

YOU CALL HER... CRAZY AS A CAT TURD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO MY CAR, DAD.

HEY, HEY, HEY. DON'T THANK ME, SON.

LOOK. I GOT ANOTHER SURPRISE FOR YOU.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

REMEMBER YOU SAID YOU WANT TO GET SOME BLING-BLING FOR IT?

WELL, LOOK AT THAT. BLING-BLING!

FUZZY DICE?!

THEY'RE GONNA GO RIGHT UP ON YOUR MIRROR,

AND THEN I'M GONNA GET THE DOG WITH THE HEAD THAT DOES THIS.

HUH?

SOME CORDUROY INTERIOR. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.

[ SOBBING ]

I KNOW. DON'T GET ALL EMOTIONAL, BUDDY.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE US BOTH START CRYING.

[ Sobbing ] COME HERE, BOY.

OH, DADDY...

I KNOW, PARTNER. LET YOUR HALF OUT.

HOW'S ALL THIS PROM STUFF GOING ON?

OH, FANTASTIC.

I JUST FOUND ME THE PERFECT SHOES

TO GO WITH THE EQUALLY PERFECT DRESS.

I MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MR. GLENN TO GET MY HAIR DONE.

I JUST SET UP A MANICURE, A PEDICURE.

THAT SOUNDS ALL GOOD FOR YOU, BUT WHAT ABOUT CLAIRE?

WHO?

CLAIRE.

OH, YEAH, SHE'S GONNA LOOK GREAT.

BABY, WE ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT THAT PROM!

I DON'T KNOW, JAY.

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER

THAT THIS IS NOT ABOUT US HAVING FUN.

THIS IS ABOUT CLAIRE NOT HAVING FUN, REMEMBER?

OH, I GOT IT. WHAT ABOUT THAT BOY OF YOURS?

HOW DID HE LIKE HIS NEW WHEELS?

OH, JUNIOR HATED THEM, JUST LIKE I PLANNED.

AND WHAT LESSON ARE WE TEACHING THIS WEEK, PROFESSOR KYLE?

UH, THAT WOULD BE LESSON NUMBER 74.

OH, YOU LOOK CONSTIPATED.

YES. YES, I AM.

IT'S THE LESSON THAT'S SO HARD TO TEACH.

AND THE LESSON IS,

IF IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY, DON'T COMPLAIN, SONNY.

[ LAUGHS ] [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY. DID HE LEARN IT YET?

I DON'T THINK SO. I JUST THREW THE HOOK OUT THERE.

NOW I GOT TO BAIT HIM IN.

I FEEL IT, JAY.

SOON I'M GONNA CATCH ME A 150-POUND BIG-HEADED BASS.

JUNIOR'S ONLY 130 POUNDS.

THAT HOOK IS A 20-POUND HOOK.

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

HEY, WHAT'S UP, MIKE?

JUNIOR!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY, I BROUGHT A COUPLE OF GUYS HOME FROM WORK

TO HELP US WORK ON OUR CAR.

OUR CAR?

YEAH, PARTNER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO IT?

WHAT AREN'T WE DOING TO IT?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I TOOK THIS ENGINE OUT.

THIS ENGINE IS TOO BIG, TOO POWERFUL FOR THAT CAR.

YUP.

WE FOUND THE ORIGINAL -- 60 HORSEPOWER.

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT A SPEEDING TICKET AGAIN, BOY.

AND CHECK THIS OUT OVER HERE.

WE TOOK THOSE RETRO BRAKES OFF,

PUT THE OLD SHOES BACK ON.

NOW, YOU PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP,

BUT IT'S OLD-SCHOOL CLASSIC!

THANK YOU.

SPEAKING ABOUT CLASSIC, LISTEN TO THIS, SON.

I GOT YOU AN A.M. RADIO.

A.M.? BUT WHAT IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO IT AT NIGHT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S MY SON, THE JOKER. AT NIGHT!

AT NIGHT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO, IS THAT A WRIST CORSAGE?

OH, GREAT. CAN YOU HAVE IT HERE BY 5:00 TOMORROW?

THANK YOU. BYE.

OH, YOU ARE SO SWEET!

REALLY? WHAT DID I DO?

YOU JUST BOUGHT ME A CORSAGE. THANK YOU.

BABY, I DIDN'T THINK THAT A CHAPERONE WORE A CORSAGE.

I'M BLENDING IN, MICHAEL.

I JUST WANT TO BE ANOTHER ONE OF THE KIDS AT THE PROM.

ONE OF THE KIDS?

YES.

OKAY, JAY, LOOK...

AT THE RISK OF ME GETTING MY HEAD BASHED IN,

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS PROM THING

A BIT TOO SERIOUSLY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IN MY MIND, WE'RE JUST GOING THERE TO MAKE SURE

THE QUARTERBACK DON'T MAKE A PASS AT OUR DAUGHTER.

BUT THERE IS NO REASON

I CAN'T HAVE FUN AND LOOK GOOD AT THE SAME TIME.

WHICH REMINDS ME -- I'M PUTTING YOU IN A TUX.

A TUX?! WHY DO I GOTTA WEAR A TUX?

'CAUSE, BABY, I'M GONNA LOOK GOOD.

YOU NEED TO STEP UP YOUR GAME.

OKAY, LOOK, JAY...

IS THIS YOUR PROM WE'RE GOING TO,

OR IS THIS CLAIRE'S PROM?

IT'S CLAIRE'S PROM, BABE. COME ON.

WHAT? JUST BECAUSE I'M ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT?

IT'S ALL FOR MY LITTLE GIRL.

REALLY?

YES, REALLY.

AND I AM GONNA HAVE THE BEST TIME I POSSIBLY CAN FOR CLAIRE.

AND IF YOU WOULD STOP TRYING TO ARGUE WITH ME,

YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE THE BEST TIME YOU POSSIBLY COULD, TOO.

YOU MEAN LIKE A REAL PROM NIGHT?

MM-HMM. YOU KNOW WHAT "PROM" STANDS FOR, RIGHT?

NO. WHAT? PLENTY RUBBING ON MICHAEL.

HELLO, DOWN THERE!

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I SAID I'LL GET IT!

WHO ARE YOU, MAN?

I'M CLAIRE'S DATE, DONOVAN McINTYRE.

YOU LOOK OLDER THAN ME.

HOW MANY TIMES YOU GET LEFT BACK?

NONE, SIR.

COME HERE. LET ME GO OVER THE GROUND RULES WITH YOU.

THERE'S NO HUGGING, NO KISSING, NO TOUCHING,

NO FONDLING, NO ALCOHOL, NO DRUGS.

AND THAT'S JUST WITH ME, OKAY?

NOW, WITH CLAIRE, I'M A LOT STRICTER. AGREED?

I SAID NO TOUCHING!

HI, DONOVAN. HI, CLAIRE.

UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH!

BUT I CAN'T TOUCH YOU.

I SEE YOU'VE MET MY DAD.

I GOT YOU A CORSAGE.

OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?

LET ME PUT THAT ON HER BEFORE YOUR HANDS SLIP

AND TOUCH SOMETHING TO GET YOUR BEAT UP AND INCAPACITATED

BEFORE YOUR BIG NIGHT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

INTRODUCING THE FAIREST MAIDEN OF THEM ALL --

LADY JAY KYLE!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

[ CAMERA WINDS ]

ONE MORE, BABE.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

WOW.

JAY, YOU ARE A VISION, WOMAN.

THANK YOU, BABY.

SO, CLAIRE... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK I DIED IN MY SLEEP AND THIS IS HELL.

NO, SILLY. WE'RE TWINS!

[ GIGGLES ]

LOOKY HERE.

YOU TWO LOOK LIKE A BEFORE-AND-AFTER COMMERCIAL.

WHAT?

NO, MOM. WHAT I MEANT WAS YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL BEFORE,

AND YOU'RE STILL BEAUTIFUL, EVEN AFTER THE THREE KIDS AND...

BAIL OUT, JUNIOR. KADY, YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM?

YEAH.

Michael: I THINK YOU GUYS LOOK AMAZING. HUH, DONOVAN?

ABSOLUTELY. CLAIRE DIDN'T TELL ME SHE HAD A SISTER.

[ LAUGHS ]

MOM... WHAT? WHAT?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? WE'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE IDIOTS!

NO, WE'RE NOT. WE COULD START A NEW TREND --

MOTHER-DAUGHTER PROM DRESSES.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'D CATCH ON? UH...NO.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

YOU BOTH LOOK AMAZING, OKAY?

NOW, LET'S HURRY UP AND GET TO THE PROM.

THE SOONER WE GET THERE, THE SOONER WE CAN GET BACK,

AND THAT'S WHEN ALL THE REAL DANCING STARTS.

NOW YOU'RE TALKING. NOT YOU.

HE THOUGHT WE WERE SISTERS!

[ LAUGHING ]

COME ON, SISTER!

LOOK AT THEM!

I'M SORRY YOU'RE NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME, CLAIRE.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDN'T STICK ME WITH THEM.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH?

SURE.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH?

I'M -- I'M SORRY, MR. KYLE.

I WAS JUST GONNA GIVE CLAIRE A PECK ON THE CHEEK

TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.

WELL, DON'T TRY THAT ON ME.

I DID THE SAME THING AT YOUR AGE WITH MRS. KYLE,

AND I ENDED UP BEING A DADDY.

DADDY! YEAH, A DADDY.

I'M SORRY, SIR. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OVER HERE HOLDING UP THE WALL?

COME ON, BABY! WE GOTTA BE SEEN,

OR ELSE WE WON'T BE NOMINATED KING AND QUEEN!

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU CAN'T BE PROM ROYALTY.

YOU HAVE TO BE A STUDENT TO WIN.

SAYS WHO? THIS IS AMERICA, HONEY. OKAY?

WHOEVER GETS THE MOST VOTES WINS.

EXCEPT IN FLORIDA.

[ LAUGHS ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I KNOW, CLAIRE.

ISN'T THIS THE PROM YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF?

NO, IT'S A NIGHTMARE. YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR ME.

WHAT? HOW? WHAT? I RUINED WHAT FOR YOU?

WE'RE DRESSED THE SAME WAY,

YOU'RE HAVING MORE FUN THAN I AM,

AND IF I TRY TO HAVE ANY FUN, DAD IS RIGHT THERE TO STOP IT.

NOW YOU WANT TO BE KING AND QUEEN?

WHAT'S NEXT?

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] WHOO! THAT IS MY SONG!

IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?

YEAH, BABY! COME ON, LET'S BOOGIE!

ALL RIGHT, KIDS, EVERYBODY FORM A SOUL TRAIN!

OH, MY GOD.

UHH!

OH, MY GOD.

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO! HOO HOO!

WHOA, CLAIRE. YOUR PARENTS ARE REALLY COOL.

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE ABOUT TO GET FUNKY UP IN HERE.

WHOO!

EVERYBODY CLAP THEIR HANDS!

YEAH!

THIS ONE HERE IS CALLED THE CHA-CHA SLIDE.

WE'RE GONNA START WITH THE BASICS, ALL RIGHT?

FOLLOW ME.

TO THE LEFT.

GO BACK NOW.

HOP THIS TIME.

RIGHT FOOT STOMP.

LEFT FOOT STOMP.

NOW CHA-CHA-CHA.

CHA-CHA-CHA.

DOWN TO YOUR KNEES.

PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR KNEES.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

I CAN'T GO NO MO.

I'M GONNA COME BACK UP,

'CAUSE MY BACK IS HURTIN'.

NOW EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS!

ARE YOU TWO CRAZY?

WHAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

WE ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME, BABY!

WELL, I'M NOT!

'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T TURN TO THE LEFT.

TURN TO THE LEFT.

MOM... WHAT?

NOW SLIDE TO THE RIGHT.

REMEMBER HOW YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PROM?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, THANKS TO YOU, I'M NOT HAVING ONE EITHER!

CLAIRE, YOU'RE A SOPHOMORE. YOU GOT TWO MORE SHOTS AT IT.

MOM! LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY NIGHT,

AND AT THIS MOMENT, IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE.

AND NOW, IN A SURPRISE UPSET,

WE'D LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT

THAT, BY POPULAR DEMAND,

TWO NONSTUDENTS ARE THIS YEAR'S PROM KING AND QUEEN --

CLAIRE KYLE'S PARENTS, MICHAEL AND JAY!

[ SHRIEKING ]

I WON!!

I'M THE QUEEN!! AAH!!

I'M THE QUEEN!! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

I'M THE QUEEN!! OH!!

OH, MY GOD!!

I'M THE KING!

GET OUT OF MY WAY! IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE, MICHAEL!

HEY...

YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM, HUH?

STILL NOT TALKING TO US, HUH?

GUESS NOT.

MICHAEL, WE DID GO A LITTLE OVERBOARD.

WE?

YEAH, WE. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS MOONING THE PRINCIPAL.

WELL, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT PULLED OUT THE CARDBOARD

AND STARTED BREAK DANCING.

I SAID WE WENT OVERBOARD -- WE.

IT WAS FUN, THOUGH, HUH?

YEAH, IT WAS.

LET ME GO TALK TO HER.

THANK YOU.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

GO AWAY.

IT'S YOUR FATHER.

OH, YOU MEAN THE KING OF THE PROM?

SORRY, YOUR HIGHNESS.

"YOUR MAJESTY" WILL SUFFICE.

YOU GUYS MADE THAT WHOLE PROM EXPERIENCE MORTIFYING FOR ME.

I KNOW, CLAIRE.

AND YOUR MOTHER AND I FEEL REALLY BADLY

THAT WE STOLE ALL YOUR THUNDER.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY SHE GAVE YOU HER CROWN.

IT WAS HER WAY OF APOLOGIZING AND SAYING THAT SHE'S SORRY

THAT SHE HAD MORE FUN AT THE PROM THAT YOU DID.

CARRIE HAD MORE FUN AT HER PROM THAN I DID.

MAYBE SO.

BUT TRY TO BE UNDERSTANDING, CLAIRE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY YOUR MOTHER MISSED HER PROM? NO.

IT'S BECAUSE SHE WAS GIVING BIRTH TO JUNIOR THAT NIGHT.

OH.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALKS ABOUT

THE SACRIFICES SHE MAKES FOR YOU GUYS.

THAT'S JUST HOW YOUR MOTHER IS.

THIS WAS A VERY IMPORTANT NIGHT FOR HER, CLAIRE.

SHE GOT A CHANCE TO BE A TEENAGE GIRL AGAIN.

AND I WAS HOPING THAT YOU COULD FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

TO NOT ONLY UNDERSTAND HER BUT TO FORGIVE HER.

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ANGRY, DAD,

BUT THIS ISN'T THE WAY I WANTED MY CAR TO TURN OUT.

SO I'M TAKING YOUR STUFF OUT AND RETURNING IT.

WAIT. I THOUGHT WE WERE PARTNERS IN THIS.

NO, WE WEREN'T PARTNERS.

YOU WERE MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS.

WELL, I WAS PUTTING UP ALL THE MONEY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GOTTA EXPECT WHEN SOMEONE'S FOOTING THE BILL.

WAIT A MINUTE. THIS WAS A LESSON?

YEAH.

YOU DID ALL THAT TO MY CAR TO TEACH ME A STUPID LESSON?

SEE, SON, YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT SETTLING DOWN

AND BUILDING A LIFE WITH VANESSA,

AND YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF A CAR.

OKAY, I GET IT, DAD.

AND THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME THAT LESSON.

BUT IT TOOK A LOT OUT OF ME.

SO MAYBE YOU CAN THROW IN SOME RIMS

TO MAKE UP FOR MY EMOTIONAL DISTRESS?

HMM.

LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT.

OKAY.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

TELEGRAM FOR JUNIOR KYLE!

TELEGRAM FOR JUNIOR KYLE!

"UH...NO."

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE A QUEEN, MOM.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH?

UH, SURE.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH?

OW.

[ LAUGHS ] SORRY.

LEAN OUT THE WINDOW!

COME ON, DAD!

HELLO? HELLO?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[ LAUGHING ]

CAN YOU CALL ME BACK?

WHAT?

HELLO?