Original subtitles

AH! UH! WHAT?

COME ON, GET UP, AND CLEAN OUT THIS GARAGE.

MOM, IT'S SUNDAY MORNING. I NEED TO GET MORE SLEEP.

UH, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I DIDN'T HAVE THE LUXURY OF SLEEPING ALL DAY.

I WAS UP AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.

MILKING COWS, PUMPING WELL WATER,

AND BUSTING UP THE CHIFFOROBE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ANYWAY?

I WANT YOU TO HELP ME CLEAN OUT ALL THIS JUNK.

WE'VE HAVEN'T GONE THROUGH THIS PILE IN FIVE YEARS.

WHAT'S IN THAT BOX?

THIS IS ALL THE STUFF YOUR FATHER WANTED TO KEEP.

LOOK AT THIS -- A SLINKY, HACKY SACK,

A SHERMAN HEMSLEY COMEDY ALBUM RATED XXX.

OOH, CAN I HAVE THAT?

UH, NO.

OH, THIS IS SO SICK.

WHAT IS THAT?

THIS IS THE LAST TUFT OF HAIR OFF YOUR FATHER'S HEAD.

IT'S GROSS.

LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT COUGHED UP.

[ LAUGHS ]

KEEP LAUGHING, BABY.

BALDNESS IS HEREDITARY.

WHAT?

HI, KADY.

WHO'S SHE?

JUST MY SISTER, ARETHA.

OH, THEN SHE CAN COME IN.

HI, KADY. YOU'RE ALL FRANKLIN TALKS ABOUT.

I BETTER BE.

I'M BABYSITTING TODAY.

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

I DON'T MIND.

THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.

UNLIKE MOST WOMEN, YOU'RE SO UNDERSTANDING.

THANK YOU, HONEY.

YOU CAN SIT IN THE CORNER WHILE WE WORK.

I WANT TO SING, TOO!

MAYBE LATER.

SHE STINKS.

THE POOR THING CAN'T CARRY A TUNE.

OH, LOOK AT THIS!

"FINDING THE LOVE YOUR HEART DESIRES" --

I GAVE YOUR FATHER THIS BOOK FOR VALENTINE'S DAY YEARS AGO.

LOOK WHAT I WROTE INSIDE --

"I FOUND ALL THE LOVE I NEED WHEN I FOUND YOU."

THAT'S GOOD, MOM.

I THINK I'LL USE THAT ONE.

OH, HE'S SO SENTIMENTAL!

WOW! WHO'S THE HOTTIE IN THE PICTURE?

OH, PLEASE, THAT'S PROBABLY YOUR MAMA WHEN SHE WAS IN HIGH --

SHARON?

IT'S HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND.

♪ HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE ♪

YOU SING LIKE AN ANGEL.

HELLO, MRS. KYLE.

YOU LOOK LOVELY TODAY.

OH, SHUT UP.

SMILING AND GRINNING.

WHAT YOU DREAMING ABOUT, BABY?

SHARON?

I SAID, "WHAT YOU DREAMING ABOUT? SHARON?!"

WHAT?

DON'T YOU EVEN TRY TO PLAY

THAT LITTLE INNOCENT ROUTINE WITH ME.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS.

WHAT'S THIS?

HEY, THAT'S SHARON. WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS?

I FOUND HER HIDING AMONGST ALL YOUR OTHER PRECIOUS KEEPSAKES.

SHE WAS TUCKED AWAY IN ALL THE STUFF

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THROWN AWAY YEARS AGO.

WELL, JUST RELAX. MAYBE I OVERLOOKED IT.

HOW YOU GONNA OVERLOOK THESE?!

LOOK, JAY, I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT RIGHT NOW.

I'LL THROW IT AWAY, OKAY?

WELL, WHOOP-DIDDY-DOO.

IT MEANS NOTHING FOR YOU TO THROW IT AWAY NOW.

OH, NO. THIS IS EVIDENCE.

YOU'VE...BEEN BUSTED.

BUSTED?

THAT'S RIGHT. BUSTED WITH BUSTY, BUSTER.

YOU'RE BEING SO RIDICULOUS.

THAT'S JUST A PICTURE OF A PRETTY GIRL.

WHOO!

SO NOW SHE PRETTY.

WHAT OTHER ATTRIBUTES YOU WANT TO GIVE HER?

IS SHE LEGGY? IS SHE VOLUPTUOUS? IS SHE SENSUAL?

YEAH, SOME OF THOSE.

THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER, MICHAEL.

THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER.

YOU'RE BEING IRRATIONAL, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHAT YOU DOING SNOOPING THROUGH MY STUFF?

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU WILL NOT FLIP THE SCRIPT.

I WAS DOING THE THING YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF

FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS -- CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE.

LOOK, I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG.

OH, YOU DONE PLENTY WRONG, MICHAEL!

YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS PICTURE.

HOW DO YOU CHEAT WITH A PICTURE?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU TELL ME -- YOU THE PERVERT.

JAY, SHE'S JUST AN OLD FRIEND.

OH, YOU SAY SHE'S JUST A FRIEND.

OH, YOU SAY SHE'S JUST A FRIEND.

I DIDN'T FIND ANY PICTURES OF YOUR OTHER OLD FRIENDS.

WHERE'S DANNY'S PICTURE? ROB? LAWRENCE?

WHERE ARE ALL THOSE PICTURES AT, MICHAEL?

WHAT WAS THAT?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

I SAID I MIGHT HAVE THROWN THOSE AWAY.

BUT YOU CONSCIOUSLY CHOSE TO KEEP THE PICTURE

OF YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND, MICH--

OH, WE GOT A MAJOR CRISIS IN OUR MARRIAGE.

WE HAVE A CRISIS IN OUR MARRIAGE,

AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU FOUND THAT PICTURE.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A PSYCHO.

YOU'RE A NUT. YOU'RE A LOONEY TUNE.

THIS SHOULDN'T BE A SERIOUS ISSUE.

IT IS TO ME. YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES IT WORSE?

TELL ME WHAT MAKES IT WORSE.

YOU HAD THE NERVE...

THE AUDACITY...

THE UNMITIGATED GALL...

TO PUT THIS WOMAN'S PICTURE

IN THE BOOK I GAVE YOU FOR VALENTINE'S DAY.

I DID?

YES, YOU DID!

I'M CALLING DR. MASON.

NO, NOT "OPEN YOUR HEART" MASON.

HE'S A TROUBLEMAKER, JAY.

LAST TIME WE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE WE WERE HAPPY.

WE CAME OUT READY TO KILL EACH OTHER.

WELL, I WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW,

SO MAYBE THIS TIME WE'LL COME OUT HAPPY.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

Jay: AND YOU BETTER NOT BE LOOKING AT THAT PICTURE!

Kady: THIS IS ARETHA, FRANKLIN'S SISTER.

WOULD YOU TELL US WHO SINGS BETTER --

ME OR KADY?

LET'S DO IT. IT'LL BE FUN.

I COULD BE SIMON FROM "AMERICAN IDOL."

OKAY. LET'S HEAR YOU BOTH SING.

♪ ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT ♪

♪ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ♪

♪ MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY ♪

♪ LIFE IS BUT A DREAM ♪

♪ WHE-E-E-E-N ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ HAD YOU ♪

♪ I TREATED YOU BA-A-A-D ♪

♪ WRONG, MY DEAR ♪

♪ NOW, SINCE ♪

♪ SINCE YOU'VE BEEN AWAY ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW I SIT AROUND ♪

♪ WITH MY HEAD HANGING DOWN ♪

♪ AND I WONDER WHO-O-O-O-O'S ♪

♪ LO-O-O-O-VIN' YOU-U-U-U ♪

SEE WHAT I MEAN -- SHE'S TERRIBLE!

SO, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU TWO?

I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING ON ME.

OH, THAT'S BAD.

DOUBLE BAD, MICHAEL.

ONE FOR CHEATING, AND ONE FOR GETTING CAUGHT.

NO, THAT'S A LITTLE SHRINK HUMOR.

SO, LET'S TAKE OUT OUR EMOTIONAL PICKS AND SHOVELS

AND START DIGGING.

FIRST OF ALL, I WASN'T CHEATING.

CLANG! WE'VE HIT BEDROCK.

SOUNDS LIKE OUR OLD FRIEND DENIAL.

LISTEN, IF I'M GONNA GET ACCUSED OF CHEATING,

THEN I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE.

OKAY, NOW I'M CONFUSED.

DOES SOMEBODY WANT TO CLARIFY FOR ME WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

SHE FOUND A PICTURE OF AN OLD GIRLFRIEND IN THE GARAGE,

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL HER THAT IT MEANT NOTHING.

IF IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING,

THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KEPT IT ALL THESE YEARS.

NOW, JAY, DON'T JUDGE.

MICHAEL, IF IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KEPT IT ALL THESE YEARS!

I ONLY KEPT IT BECAUSE SHARON'S AN OLD FRIEND.

OH! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE AN OLD FRIEND TO YOU?

OH, MY.

MY, MY, MY.

MY, MY, MY --

ALL RIGHT!

BOY, OH, BOY.

YEAH.

THAT'S SOME OLD FRIEND.

EXACTLY.

TELL ME, MICHAEL,

DO YOU KEEP PICTURES OF ALL YOUR OLD FRIENDS?

NO.

WELL, I THINK WE NEED TO DIG A LITTLE DEEPER HERE.

KEEP DIGGING, DOC.

MAYBE IT'S TIME TO TAKE OUT MY JACKHAMMER...

...WORD ASSOCIATION.

MICHAEL, I WANT YOU TO MAKE YOUR MIND BLANK.

[ LAUGHS ] THAT SHOULD BE EASY.

ARE YOU GONNA LET HER JUST TAKE SHOTS AT ME?

COME ON, DOC, YOU'RE A GUY.

YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND MY POINT OF VIEW.

YOU MEAN LIKE A FRIEND?

YES.

WELL, I GOT NEWS FLASH FOR YOU, BUDDY.

I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!

RIGHT NOW I WANT TO FIND OUT WHY YOU KEPT THAT PICTURE.

YEAH, LET'S DO THAT.

YOU KNOW HOW WORD ASSOCIATION WORKS.

I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD,

AND I WANT YOU TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND.

QUACK.

I DIDN'T SAY A WORD YET.

MAKING AN OBSERVATION, THAT'S ALL.

OKAY. HERE WE GO.

TREE. LEAVES.

OCEAN. WAVES.

BLACK. WHITE.

CAR. FAST.

FIRE. HOT.

ELVIS PRESLEY. GREAT MUSIC.

CHINA. GREAT WALL.

SHARON. GREAT SEX.

[ GASPS ]

GREAT RATES AT THE HOTEL

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE SLEEPING.

BABY, PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN.

MICHAEL, IT'S OKAY.

I THINK YOU SAID IT LOUD AND CLEAR -- GREAT SEX.

NOW, NO, NO, WAIT NOW, TELL ME,

WHAT MADE HER SO GREAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS NOTHING SPECIAL.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING.

LOOK, I WAS YOUNG. WE WERE YOUNG.

EVERYTHING WAS NEW.

WHAT AM I? OLD?

LIKE LEFTOVERS?

LIKE REFRIED BEANS -- I'M REFRIED BEANS NOW, MICHAEL?

I DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT BEANS.

HOW DID YOU BECOME BEANS?

YOU'RE PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

OKAY, LET ME JUST STOP FOR A SECOND.

[ SIGHS ] MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I'M BEING TOO REACTIVE.

SIT DOWN. IT'S OKAY.

[ SIGHS ] LET ME JUST...

BABY, CAN YOU JUST TELL ME

WHAT IT WAS THAT MADE HER SO SPECIAL?

'CAUSE ALL I NEED IS SOME CLOSURE. THAT'S IT.

THAT'S ALL? YOU JUST NEED CLOSURE?

YEAH, THAT'S ALL THIS IS ABOUT.

AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET MAD?

OF COURSE NOT, HONEY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT?

THIS IS KINDA CRAZY.

[ LAUGHS ] I REMEMBER ONE TIME...

SHE DRESSED UP AS A NURSE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH, AND SHE'S CRAWLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR,

AND SHE'S SAYING SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE HER TEMPERATURE.

I'M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE, YOU KNOW.

SO I'M THERE WITH THE THERMOMETER,

AND I'M FLICKING THAT THING LIKE THIS.

IT WAS -- IT WENT FROM 92.3 TO 107.5 IN SECONDS.

A NURSE?

A NURSE!

LIKE THE TIME YOU MADE ME DRESS UP LIKE A NURSE.

YEAH!

OW!

HERE I AM THINKING WE'RE PLAYING DOCTOR AND NURSE

WHEN WE'RE REALLY PLAYING MICHAEL AND SHARON!

NOW I REALIZE WHY YOU WAS CHASING ME AROUND

WITH THAT THERMOMETER!

N-NO! IT WAS DIFFERENT!

HOW?

HOW-HOW?

SHE WAS A CANDY STRIPER.

YOU WERE AN RN.

HOW DID SHE GET TO BE THE SEXY CANDY STRIPER,

AND I'M THE OLD DUSTY, BATTLE-AX RN?!

I DON'T KNOW!

OH!

JAY, THIS IS SILLY!

YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF WORKED UP

OVER SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED OVER 20 YEARS AGO.

THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SECRETLY FANTASIZING ABOUT EVER SINCE.

BABY...

NO, DON'T -- DON'T "BABY" ME.

I HOPE YOUR MEMORIES OF SHARON

ARE VIVID AND CLEAR IN YOUR MIND

'CAUSE YOU WON'T BE SHARING ANYTHING

WITH ME FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

[ SIGHS ]

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GONNA GET MAD.

WHAT HAPPENED TO CLOSURE?

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

THERE IT IS.

MR. K, YOU CHARGED HYPERION BOOKS $200

FOR A CROSS-COUNTRY DELIVERY.

ARE WE RUNNING A SPECIAL?

NO, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE $2,000.

I'M GLAD YOU CAUGHT THAT.

THIRD MISTAKE TODAY. IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

JUST SOME THINGS AT HOME. I'M A LITTLE DISTRACTED.

PROBLEMS WITH THE MISSUS, BOSS?

YEAH. JAY -- SHE WAS CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE,

AND SHE FOUND AN OLD PICTURE OF MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

All: WHOO!

THAT'S BAD.

AH, MAN! SO YOU IN THE DOGHOUSE.

MAN, SHE THREW ME OUT OF THE BEDROOM.

SHE SAYS THAT I'M CHEATING ON HER WITH THE PICTURE.

THAT IS CRAZY!

YEAH, AND YOU KNOW CRAZY.

YEAH, HE KNOWS CRAZY.

CAN I GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE? SURE.

THE NEXT TIME YOUR WIFE VOLUNTEERS TO CLEAN UP, STOP HER!

IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE FOR HER TO SNOOP.

I'D LIKE TO SEE THE WOMAN AT MY HOUSE

TRY TO PUT ME ON THE COUCH OVER SOME NONSENSE LIKE THAT.

I WOULDN'T TOLERATE IT ONE MINUTE, NO SIRREE.

I'D TELL HER STRAIGHT UP, "GRANDMA, YOU'RE TRIPPIN'."

MY WOMAN CAME HOME EARLY AND CAUGHT ME IN BED WITH HER SISTER.

NOW, SHE'S THE ONE THAT CAME HOME EARLY,

AND SHE GONNA TRY TO BLAME THAT ON ME.

BY YOURSELF.

AH.

MAYBE I COULD JUST SEND HER SOME FLOWERS OR SOMETHING.

All: NO!

THAT'S WEAK.

THAT'S LIKE ADMITTING GUILT. YOU DIDN'T DO NOTHING WRONG.

SHE WAS SNOOPING THROUGH YOUR STUFF.

WOMEN NEED A FIRM HAND.

YOU NEED TO GO HOME, LAY DOWN THE LAW,

BE THE KING OF YOUR CASTLE.

YOU NEED TO LOOK HER IN THE EYE

AND SAY, "WOMAN, THIS IS MY HOUSE.

AS FAR AS THAT PICTURE GO, YOU GOTTA GET OVER THAT."

THAT'S THAT.

YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

I'LL GO HOME AND LOOK HER IN THE EYE

AND GO, "WOMAN, THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I'M THE KING OF THIS CASTLE. AND THAT'S THAT."

All: LONG LIVE THE KING!

YEAH! YOU THE KING, MAN.

YOU HEAR THAT, WOMAN?

I'M THE KING OF THIS CASTLE.

HMM.

JAY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE IN THE KITCHEN COOKING DINNER,

AS YOU SHOULD, WOMAN.

SEE, 'CAUSE I'M THE KING OF THIS CASTLE.

AND THE KING CAME HOME TO LAY DOWN THE LAW.

NOW, YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN, AND YOU GONNA LISTEN GOOD.

FIRST OF ALL, THIS HERE IS MY HOUSE.

AND, UH...

I'M NOT GONNA TOLERATE...

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Michael: COME IN.

MAY I JOIN YOU IN YOUR INNER SANCTUM?

SURE, FRANKLIN.

WHAT A MASCULINE ROOM.

THIS IS THE QUINTESSENTIAL GUY EXPERIENCE.

YEAH, I JUST PUT THAT URINAL IN.

NOW I NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM.

GO AHEAD. TAKE A SHOT. I'LL TURN MY HEAD.

NO, THANKS.

I'M EMPTY.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING MISSING

THAT PREVENTS IT FROM BEING ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

AND WHAT'S THAT?

THE FEMININE TOUCH OF YOUR LADYLOVE.

THAT'S A TOUCH I'M NOT GONNA BE RECEIVING FOR QUITE A WHILE.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

MY SHOULDERS MAY BE SMALL, BUT THEY'RE STURDY.

WELL, I GUESS YOUR ADVICE CAN'T BE NO WORSE

THAN THE ADVICE I'VE BEEN GETTING.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

ALL RIGHT.

MRS. KYLE FOUND A PICTURE OF AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE,

AND SHE THINKS BECAUSE I SAVED THE PICTURE

THAT I'M MORE ATTRACTED TO THAT OLD FRIEND

THAN I AM TO HER,

WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE TRUTH.

WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL CREATURES, MR. KYLE.

AND I'M SURE THAT MRS. KYLE

FEELS THREATENED AND INSECURE BY THAT PICTURE,

WHICH I'M ASSUMING

IS A PICTURE OF AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG LADY.

WHAT KIND OF KID ARE YOU?

YOU CHANGED THE SUBJECT, MR. KYLE.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT'S HARD

TO ADMIT THE TRUTH TO YOURSELF.

YEAH?

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOUR HEART

AND ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION --

WHY DID I SAVE THAT PICTURE?

IF YOU CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION HONESTLY TO YOURSELF,

YOU'LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO APOLOGIZE TO MRS. KYLE.

HMM.

THANKS.

CAN YOU MAKE ME A WHISKEY SOUR?

HEY, CAN I JOIN YOU?

STILL GETTING THE SILENT TREATMENT, RIGHT?

OKAY, WELL, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I JUST --

I JUST NEED YOU TO LISTEN, OKAY?

LOOK, I HAVEN'T BEEN HONEST WITH YOU.

I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN TOTALLY HONEST WITH MYSELF.

AND NOW I KNOW THAT THE REASON WHY I KEPT THAT PICTURE

ALL THESE YEARS IS BECAUSE IT JUST BROUGHT BACK

WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF ME BEING YOUNG.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THAT, MICHAEL?

YOU LOOK AT HER PICTURE, YOU FEEL YOUNG.

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME?

FEEL LIKE I WON THE LOTTERY WHEN I LOOK AT YOU.

SHARON AND I WERE JUST SOME HORNY TEENAGERS.

WITH YOU, I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LUST.

WE HAVE THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN TOGETHER.

THAT PICTURE WAS JUST A PICTURE OF MY PAST.

YOU'RE MY PRESENT AND MY FUTURE.

I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY THAT I HURT YOU.

I WOULDN'T TRADE YOU FOR A BILLION SHARONS.

[ SIGHS ] LOOK, THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, MICHAEL,

BUT TALK IS CHEAP.

IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN WORDS TO CONVINCE ME.

WHAT ABOUT THAT?

[ GASPS ]

OH, WOW.

I GOTTA ADMIT -- THAT'S GOOD. [ LAUGHS ]

I BORROWED THOSE WORDS

FROM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON THE PLANET.

SHE WROTE THEM DOWN IN A BOOK FOR ME.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

SHE GOOD.

GOOD ENOUGH TO GET ME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE?

I SUPPOSE.

♪ I KEEP ON FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I NEVER LOVED SOMEONE THE WAY THAT I LOVE YOU ♪

WHOO!

WOW. THAT'S GOOD.

OKAY, KADY. YOUR TURN.

♪ AND THE ITSY-BITSY SPIDER CRAWLED UP ♪

♪ I SAID, HE CRAWLED UP THE SPOUT AGAIN ♪

WHOO!

LET ME HEAR YOU ONE MORE TIME.

♪ OH, OH, AH AH-AH ♪

NOW, KADY.

♪ SPIDER, SPIDER-R-R-R-R-R ♪

WELL, WE HAVE A WINNER.

AND I'M SORRY, BABY,

BUT ARETHA IS ACTUALLY THE BETTER SINGER.

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

ARE YOU ON SOMETHING?!

HAVE YOU ALL BEEN LOBOTOMIZED?!

FRANKLIN, YOU'RE A MUSICIAN.

YOU SHOULD SEE THAT YOUR SISTER HAS AN EXTRAORDINARY GIFT.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST SLIPPED INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU KNOW, A VERY WISE YOUNG MAN ONCE SAID TO ME

THAT YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

NOW, FRANKLIN,

I THINK THAT NOT ONLY HAVE YOU BEEN BLINDED BY LOVE,

BUT YOU'VE BEEN DEAFENED BY IT, TOO.

IS ARETHA THAT GOOD?

YES, SHE'S AMAZING.

THEN WHY DOES KADY SOUND MUCH BETTER TO ME?

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH KADY,

AND ARETHA IS YOUR SISTER.

YOU'RE A LOT SMARTER THAN YOU LOOK, MR. KYLE.

THANKS.

SO, HOW DID MY BLIMP ADVICE WORK OUT?

SHH-SHH! SHH!

LET'S KEEP THAT TO OURSELVES, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT ICE CREAM IN THE KITCHEN.

[ CHILDREN SCREAM ]

HEY, COOL IT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM.

LOOK, BEFORE WE JOIN THEM,

THERE'S ONE OTHER PART TO THIS APOLOGY.

REALLY? WHAT?

I HAVE TO PERFORM A CEREMONY.

WHAT KIND OF CEREMONY?

OH, MICHAEL.

YEP.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

REALLY?

YEAH, YEAH, YOU DID.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A NUT! YOU'RE A PSYCHO!

YOU'RE A LOONEY TUNE!

I'M MARRIED TO DAFFY DUCK!

I'D SAY PORKY PIG, BUT THAT WOULD GET ME KILLED.

I MEAN, JUST...

LOOK, ANOTHER WAYANS.

[ CROWD AHHS ]

KEEP SHOW BUSINESS ALIVE!