Original subtitles

[ WHISTLING ]

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT?

[ Sobbing ] WHY ME? WHY ME, GOD?

WHAT?

TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHAT I THINK IT IS.

CLAIRE JUST GOT HER DRIVER'S PERMIT.

OH, GOD! IT'S WHAT I THINK IT IS.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? SHE'S 16. THIS IS WHEN SHE GETS IT.

NO, JAY, THIS IS WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE ON THE ROAD GETS IT.

THE GIRL HAS THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A FERRET.

LOOK, THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER --

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO -- WE GOTTA BURN IT.

NO! NO, YOU WILL NOT BURN THAT.

JAY... JUST STOP IT, MICHAEL.

SHE PASSED HER WRITTEN TEST. SHE GOT HER PERMIT,

AND YOU PROMISED TO TEACH HER HOW TO DRIVE, REMEMBER THAT?

I WAS ON PAINKILLERS THAT DAY, JAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.

I WAS ALL HOPPED-UP. I WAS WIGGED-OUT.

YOU CAN'T HOLD ME TO IT!

GET OUT OF HERE.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR IT, OKAY?

'CAUSE YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF.

AND HOW DID I DO THAT?

16 YEARS AGO, WASN'T IT YOU WHO SAID,

"PLEASE, BABY, JUST FOR A MINUTE"?

GOOD TIMES...

GREAT MINUTE.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I NEED TO START LOOKING AT THIS IN A MORE POSITIVE LIGHT.

MAYBE IT'S NOT AS BAD AS WE THINK IT IS.

THANK YOU. ABSOLUTELY.

MOM, DAD, GUESS WHAT!

WHAT, BABY? WHAT?

I FORGOT.

HA HA HA.

BURN IT, JAY.

NO. BE QUIET. SAVE THE WORLD.

CLAIRE, COME IN HERE. YOU GOT MAIL.

IT'S A MISTAKE.

SHH, SHH! IT'S A MISTAKE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

TADA. MY PERMIT! MY PERMIT! I PASSED! I PASSED!

MERCY ON US ALL.

QUIET.

SO, LET'S GO, DAD. TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE.

YOU WANT TO LEARN TO DRIVE? YEAH.

OKAY, GO GET MY GOLF CLUBS.

I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TIGER DOES IT.

SWING BACK, POW.

DAD!

OKAY, I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE

THE NEXT TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE.

WE CAN GO FOR A RIDE.

AND WHEN DO YOU THINK THAT WILL BE?

IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND FIVE YEARS.

DAD, COME ON!

I'VE BEEN STARING AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD IN THAT CAR,

WATCHING YOUR HAIR FALL OUT FOLLICLE BY FOLLICLE

FOR 16 YEARS.

I'M READY NOW!

[ LAUGHS ]

IT DIDN'T FALL OUT.

IT WAS THE HEADREST JUST RUBBED ALL MY HAIR OUT.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE TOP?

SUNROOF OPENIN', CLOSIN', OPENIN' --

WHAT ABOUT THE SIDES?

ROLLIN' UP THE WINDOW.

[ LAUGHING ]

THEM NEW ELECTRIC WINDOWS WENT REAL FAST.

THEY DIDN'T THINK ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME.

[ LAUGHING ]

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

GET DRESSED. I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE.

YES! THANK YOU. YOU WON'T BE SORRY, I PROMISE.

I'LL BE CAREFUL AND FOCUSED.

[ THUD ]

HA HA HA.

[ SIGHS ]

HI, MR. KYLE.

HEY, IT'S FRANKEN-SPY. HOW YOU DOIN'?

I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU LURKIN' BACK THERE.

I WAS JUST FLUFFIN' UP THE PILLOWS

TRYIN' TO MAKE THE HOUSE LOOK NICE AND NEAT.

SO, DID YOU COME TO SEE KADY,

OR YOU COME TO PLAY WITH YOUR DEAR OLD FRIEND MR. KYLE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

KADY!

HEY, FRANKLIN.

HI, MRS. KYLE.

SO, BABE, YOU READY FOR YOUR BIG ADVENTURE?

BABY, YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T FIND MY KEYS.

I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED THEM.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK UNDER THOSE NICE FLUFFY PILLOWS.

LOOK THERE -- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THE KID'S A REGULAR CURLY-HAIRED KRESKIN.

WOULD YOU STOP CLOWNING AROUND?

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER DRIVING NOW?

LOOK, JAY, DO I HAVE TO?

I MEAN, THE GIRL IS A WALKING ACCIDENT.

SHE CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT UP THOSE STAIRS

WITHOUT GETTING INTO A PILEUP.

JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS. I'LL TAKE HER DRIVING.

YOU'RE GONNA -- AND WHO'S GONNA TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE?

ARE YOU TRYIN' TO SAY THAT I CAN'T DRIVE?

UH...

YES.

MICHAEL, I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY SERIOUS ACCIDENTS.

OH, REALLY?

THOSE LITTLE FENDER BENDERS I HAD --

THOSE DON'T COUNT -- NOT ACCORDING TO MY RULES.

"LADIES FIRST" IS NOT AN OFFICIAL RULE OF THE ROAD.

WELL, IT SHOULD BE.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS HERE, MICHAEL.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE CLAIRE DRIVIN'

BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF LOSING YOUR LITTLE GIRL.

YEP, RIGHT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD.

NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS -- THE CAR REPRESENTS FREEDOM.

NOW IT'S GONNA BE HARDER FOR YOU TO KEEP TABS ON HER.

NO, IT WON'T -- I'LL JUST CALL THE HOSPITAL.

SHE'LL BE IN THE ICU.

OHH, WHATEVER!

Claire: I'M READY!

COME ON! LET'S HIT THE ROAD!

OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO START DRIVING.

DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL I'M GOING TO LOOK

WITH MY HAIR BLOWING OUT THE WINDOW

GOING 85 MILES PER HOUR DOWN A RAIN-SLICKED ROAD?

IT'S GONNA BE LIKE I'M STARRING IN "THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS."

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW THAT MOVIE ENDED, CLAIRE?

THE GUY RAN INTO A TRAIN.

OKAY, THEN "THELMA & LOUISE."

THE POINT IS IS I LOOK GOOD. LET'S GO.

WAIT, HOLD ON.

OKAY, I'M READY.

VERY FUNNY, DAD.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK --

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR?

FIND A GOOD RADIO STATION.

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC ]

UH...NO.

MUSIC IS A DISTRACTION TO A NEW DRIVER, OKAY?

THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS ADJUST YOUR MIRRORS.

YOU MAKE SURE THAT YOUR MIRRORS ARE RIGHT.

UH, ARE YOU READY YET, MS. BERRY?

I DO LOOK LIKE HALLE BERRY, DON'T I?

YEAH, JUST DON'T DRIVE LIKE HER.

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT -- HAIR SPRAY.

[ COUGHING ]

HOLD UP.

PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT FIRST.

OH, NO, THANKS. IT'LL WRINKLE MY TOP.

IT'LL WRINKLE YOUR TOP?

LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS

IF YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT, YOUNG LADY.

BAM!

NOW LET ME SHOW YOU IN SLOW MOTION.

[ Slurring ] OWW...THAT HURT.

PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON.

ALL RIGHT!

OKAY, YOU'RE SET. THERE. I'M READY.

YOU SURE? I SAID I'M READY.

LET'S GO. ALL RIGHT.

STOP.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT?

I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA IF YOU OPENED UP THE GARAGE DOOR

BEFORE YOU BACKED OUT, GENIUS.

OH, RIGHT. OH, RIGHT.

CLAIRE, YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG.

OKAY, THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE BACKING UP

IS YOU MAKE SURE THAT THERE'S NO ONE AND NOTHING BEHIND YOU.

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!

NO, YOU DON'T KNOW! THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS THING.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO OPEN THE GARAGE WITH THE GARAGE CLICKER,

THEN I WANT YOU TO CHECK YOUR MIRRORS,

AND I WANT YOU TO THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.

[ HORN HONKS ] COME ON! WAKE UP!

AHH! AHH!

DO YOU MIND? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.

SEE? I WOKE YOUR BROTHER UP, OKAY?

SORRY, JUNIOR.

IT'S JUST REALLY HARD TO CONCENTRATE

WITH YOU SCREAMING AT ME ALL THE TIME.

OKAY, FINE.

I won't yell.

AHH! AHH! AHH! WATCH OUT FOR THE CAR!

I'M TRYING!

YOU'RE SWERVING! YOU'RE SWERVING!

NO, NO! WATCH OUT FOR THE SQUIRREL!

OH, MY, GOD, YOU KILLED A SQUIRREL!

SLOW DOWN. I'M TRYING.

HERE COMES THE RED LIGHT. I SEE IT.

YOU SEE IT? IT'S COMING UP! IT'S COMING UP!

IT'S COMING! [ TIRES SCREECH ]

OH!

PUT IT IN PARK.

PUT IT IN PARK!

THAT'S THE REVERSE!

I DON'T LIKE THIS CAR!

YEAH, WELL, THE CAR DOESN'T SEEM TO LIKE YOU MUCH, EITHER.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, CLAIRE?

STOP YELLING. YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.

I'M MAKING YOU NERVOUS?

HOW AM I DOIN' THAT? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?

WELL, YOU CAN STOP SCREAMING AT ME, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

THAT ISN'T HELPING AT ALL.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE NOT READY TO DRIVE, YOUNG LADY.

WELL, YOU'RE THE WORST TEACHER IN THE WORLD!

OKAY, WELL, LET ME TEACH YOU SOMETHING NEW --

I'M GONNA TEACH YOU HOW TO WALK. GET OUT.

FINE!

YEAH.

HEY, BABY, YOU NEED A RIDE?

HEY, GET BACK IN THE CAR.

I AM SORRY, MISS, BUT YOU ARE NOT READY TO DRIVE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO POSTPONE YOU GETTING YOUR LICENSE.

WHAT? THAT'S NOT FAIR! YEAH.

YOU PURPOSELY MADE ME NERVOUS BY YELLING AT ME

OVER EVERY LITTLE MISTAKE I MADE!

SO I RAN SOME STOP SIGNS, WENT THROUGH A COUPLE OF RED LIGHTS,

AND DROVE OVER SOME CURBS.

WHAT ABOUT THE POOR SQUIRREL?

HE PROBABLY HAD THAT COMING, HUH?

YEAH. THERE ARE NO NUTS IN THE ROAD.

OH, YEAH, THERE WAS A NUT ON THE ROAD -- YOU, CLAIRE!

YOU'RE THE NUT!

YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

I BET YOU I DRIVE BETTER IF YOU WEREN'T THERE SCREAMING AT ME.

HA-A-A-A-A-H!

I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.

GIVE ME THE KEYS AND LET ME DRIVE BY MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT, BABY?

I THINK THAT THIS ONE DESERVES THE RARE DOUBLE.

YOU THINK SO? YES, I DO.

UH...

UH...

UH... UH...

NO! NO!

OHHH!

YOU BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR

IS THE MOST FRIGHTENING THOUGHT I CAN IMAGINE.

KADY AND I HAVE SET A DATE FOR OUR WEDDING.

I STAND CORRECTED.

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'LL TALK ABOUT YOUR LICENSE LATER.

SURE, WHEN IT'S ABOUT ME, IT'S "LATER,"

BUT WHEN IT'S ABOUT A BUNCH OF LITTLE KIDS GETTING MARRIED,

EVERYBODY JUMPS. I HATE MY LIFE!

YEAH, WELL, THE WAY YOU DRIVE, BE GLAD YOU HAVE A LIFE TO HATE.

THAT'S MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THE POOR SQUIRREL.

HE'S A SLIPPER NOW, JAY.

HE'S A LITTLE SLIPPER.

FRANKLIN, DON'T YOU THINK YOU GUYS ARE A LITTLE TOO YOUNG

TO BE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE?

MRS. KYLE, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH KADY

FROM THE FIRST MOMENT I LAID EYES ON HER.

MY WORDS CANNOT DO JUSTICE FOR WHAT I FEEL FOR HER,

SO I MUST BORROW SOME WORDS FROM THE BARD.

THE WHO?

SHAKESPEARE.

OH, THAT BARD.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BART SIMPSON.

HEH.

MY DEAR KADY,

SHALL I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMER'S DAY?

THOUGH ART MORE LOVELY AND MORE TEMPERATE.

ROUGH WINDS DO --

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THE ROUGH STUFF.

SHHH!

CONTINUE, FRANKLIN.

SO LONG AS MEN CAN BREATHE OR EYES CAN SEE,

SO LONG LIVE THIS,

AND THIS GIVES LIFE TO THEE.

WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE FRANKLIN? OW!

Y-YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE YOU TO GET SOME ICE CREAM

INSTEAD OF ALL THIS MARRIAGE TALK, HUH?

JUST THE FOUR OF US -- WHAT DO YOU SAY?

THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS BETTER THAN MARRIAGE.

IT SURE IS.

ANY TIME WITH KADY IS OKAY WITH ME.

OKAY, I'LL MEET YOU GUYS IN THE CAR, ALL RIGHT?

OKAY, TAKING THE KIDS OUT -- THAT'S VERY SWEET.

THANK YOU. I'VE LEARNED FROM FRANKLIN.

OH, JAY, OH, JAY,

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

GOOD-BYE.

I AM BETWIXT BY THE SWAY OF YOUR HINDQUARTERS --

SHUT UP!

COME ON!

...ENCHANTED AND DELIGHTED.

HARK! THE SOLDIER STANDS AT ATTENTION.

JUST COME ON!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

OH, HI, ERICA.

OH, I CAN'T MEET YOU AT THE SIP-N-GO.

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY WAY TO GET THERE.

I KNOW I HAVE MY PERMIT,

BUT MY PARENTS AREN'T LETTING ME DRIVE YET.

I KNOW -- THEY'RE IDIOTS.

WELL, IT IS ONLY 20 MINUTES AWAY.

I GUESS I COULD TAKE THE OTHER CAR.

THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.

I MEAN, IF THEY'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DRIVE,

I'LL TEACH MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

HA HA HA HA.

SO, HOW YOU LIKE THAT ICE CREAM BACK THERE, FRANKLIN?

IT'S ALMOST AS SWEET AS MY KADY.

ISN'T HE GREAT?

OKAY, JAY, YOU BETTER STOP. I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS.

I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS. OKAY, KADY --

KADY, YOU WANT TO PLAY "I SPY"?

WHAT'S "I SPY"?

FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT LITTLE SHAKESPEARE BOY DOESN'T KNOW.

LOOK, IT'S A VERY SIMPLE GAME -- ALL YOU DO IS SAY A POEM

BEGINNING WITH "I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE."

THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY SIMPLE.

THERE'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG, MY GOOD MAN.

I TAUGHT HIM THAT.

LOOK, IT'S A LITTLE HARDER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK IT IS.

KADY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW HIM?

OKAY.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYES...

A BIG WHITE CLOUD IN A BIG BLUE SKY.

BRAVISSIMO! BRAVISSIMO!

LET ME TRY.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE...

MY SWEET KADY, RENEW THY FORCE, BE IT NOT SAID --

HEY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO RHYME. THAT DIDN'T RHYME, OKAY?

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT. I'M THE PROFESSIONAL.

OKAY, I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE

MY DAUGHTER IN MY CAR DRIVIN' BY.

MY, OH, MY, SHE'S GONNA CRY. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE THE GIRL TOOK MY DAMN CAR WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

THAT DIDN'T RHYME, EITHER.

EYE, EYE, EYE, EYE!

I CANNOT BELIEVE HER, MICHAEL!

I KNOW YOU GONNA MAKE HER PAY FOR THIS ONE!

OH, YEAH, SHE'S GONNA PAY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT GIRL?

MICHAEL, WHAT YOU GONNA DO? WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

YOU GONNA EMBARRASS HER

IN FRONT OF HER LITTLE STANKIN' FRIENDS?

NO, JAY, THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY.

IT'S NOT A MICHAEL KYLE "SIGNATURE MOMENT."

HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO --

WE'RE GONNA FOLLOW HER IN THAT CAR, OKAY?

AND WHEN SHE GETS OUT, I'M GONNA STEAL IT.

♪ DO-DO DO DO DO DO DO ♪

WHAT IS THAT?

I'M SIGNING IT -- "MICHAEL KYLE."

SEE? PERIOD.

WHAT AN EXCITING FAMILY.

CAR. GONE. DAD. KILL.

HEY, HEY, SLOW DOWN. TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG.

CAR! GONE! DAD! KILL!

DAD GOT KILLED BY A CAR AND HE'S GONE?

[ Sobbing ] DADDY!

DADDY! NO! NO!

I TOOK DAD'S CAR TO THE SIP-N-GO.

YOU WHAT?

I THOUGHT I'D BE BACK BEFORE MOM AND DAD GOT HOME,

BUT WHEN I GOT TO THE PARKING LOT,

THE CAR WAS GONE.

IT WAS STOLEN! DAD'S GONNA KILL ME!

OH, NOW I GET IT --

CAR. GONE. DAD. KILL.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT -- HE'S GONNA KILL YOU.

OH!

I'M SERIOUS, JUNIOR.

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN TROUBLE LIKE THIS BEFORE.

YOU HAVE!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT PLEASE, JUNIOR,

I NEED YOU TO THINK.

HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?

WELL, YOU COULD ALWAYS RUN AWAY. YOU'LL SURVIVE.

HOW?

YOU'RE A PRETTY GIRL, YOU KNOW.

YOU COULD BE A STRIPPER, SOME THUG'S GIRLFRIEND,

OR EVEN A PORN STAR.

I MEAN, YOU GOT A LOT OF OPTIONS.

Michael: WE'RE HOME! I'M DEAD.

NO, LOOK, I'LL HELP YOU OUT, ALL RIGHT.

JUST GO INSIDE AND STALL THEM. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

HEY, YOU, WHERE'D YOU HIDE THE CAR?

I PARKED IT AROUND THE CORNER IN FRONT OF FRANKLIN'S HOUSE.

[ LAUGHS ] HERE SHE COMES.

HEY, LOOK, THERE'S SPEED RACER NOW.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BABY? YOU DON'T LOOK TOO WELL.

YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE COMING DOWN

WITH THE FLU BUG OR SOMETHING.

YEAH, THAT'S IT -- MY TUMMY HURTS.

[ GROANS ]

AW, POOR BABY! AW, POOR BABY!

YEAH, I GUESS IT WAS SOMETHING I ATE AT THE SIP-N-GO.

YOU WERE AT THE SIP-N-GO?

YESTERDAY!

NOT TODAY.

THERE'D BE NO WAY I COULD GET THERE TODAY.

UNLESS YOU STOLE MY CAR.

[ LAUGHS ] [ LAUGHS ]

IMAGINE THAT!

LIKE YOU COULD STEAL MY CAR

WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

[ LAUGHING ] [ LAUGHING ]

HA HA HA HA.

OKAY, BABY, WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN TO THE STORE

AND GET OUR SWEET LITTLE CHILD SOME TUMMY MEDICINE?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

I'LL JUST DRIVE DOWN TO THE DRUG-N-GO

NEXT TO THE SIP-N-GO

AND GET YOU SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU GO. I'LL BE--

DAD, UH, NO! I'M BETTER.

UM, MY STOMACH DOESN'T HURT AT ALL NOW. I FEEL GREAT.

WELL, WHAT A REMARKABLE RECOVERY!

I'VE NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE IT!

HOW'D YOU DO THAT? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU SEE THIS IMMUNE SYSTEM ON THIS GIRL?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT.

I THINK I'M GONNA GO WASH THE CAR.

NO! DAD, I WAS SUCH A PAIN IN THE NECK TODAY.

WHY DON'T I WASH YOUR CAR FOR YOU?

I WAS GONNA WASH MY HAIR ANYWAY.

I COULD JUST WASH THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.

[ IMITATES WATER SPRAYING ]

LOOK AT THAT!

THE GIRL IS ALSO A CAR WASH. YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU WANT TO WASH MY CAR THAT BAD, GO AHEAD -- WASH THE CAR.

THANKS, DAD.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, BE CAREFUL WITH MY BABY. YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE THAT CAR.

THAT'S RIGHT. SOMETIMES I THINK YOUR FATHER LOVES THAT CAR

MORE THAN HE LOVES ME.

DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE, WOMAN!

I'M GONNA GO WASH THE CAR NOW.

OKAY. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO MAKE SUPPER.

YOU KEEP HAVING FUN MAKING YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE MISERABLE.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

I LOVE YOU. I KNOW.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU MISERABLE A LITTLE LATER.

[ Laughing ] OH, THIS IS GREAT --

SHE'S OUT THERE POURING WATER ON HERSELF

TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE'S ACTUALLY WASHING THE CAR.

THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE THERE'S A CHILL IN THE AIR.

AND IT'S FLU SEASON. LOOK AT YOU!

MICHAEL, THIS WAS FUNNY AT FIRST,

BUT NOW YOU'RE TAKING IT TOO FAR.

LOOK AT THE GLEE ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

WHAT, THIS?

[ LAUGHING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I WISH SHE WAS BAD MORE OFTEN.

CLAIRE!

I'M COMING OUT NOW TO LOOK AT THE CAR.

Claire: NO, NO, NO! DON'T COME OUT YET!

YEAH, I'M COMIN'.

[ CRASH ]

I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY. JUST DON'T COME OUT YET.

I WANT THE CAR TO BE PERFECT FOR YOU, DADDY.

GOOD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE MY CAR.

CLAIRE, YOUR FATHER HAS SOMETHING

HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

YEAH, ACTUALLY, I DO.

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKIN', BABY,

WHEN YOU TURN 18, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU THAT CAR.

REALLY? I'M GONNA GET THE CAR?

YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA GET THE CAR! I'M GONNA GET THE CAR!

SHE GONNA GET THE CAR! SHE GONNA GET THE CAR!

MM, MM, MM, YOU'RE GONNA GET THE CAR.

GONNA GET THE CAR.

[ CRYING ]

OOH! GONNA GET THE CAR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH...UM... I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED.

OH, PROBABLY FROM WASHING YOUR NEW CAR.

OKAY, CLAIRE, I WANT YOU TO GO UPSTAIRS

AND PUT SOME DRY CLOTHES ON RIGHT NOW, PLEASE.

OKAY. OKAY.

GONNA GET THE CAR! GONNA GET THE CAR!

AND YOU --

I WANT YOU TO END THIS NOW.

CAN'T I STRING IT OUT UNTIL THE MORNING?

GO AND GET THE CAR, MICHAEL.

OH, YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN!

MY LIFE IS OVER!

NOT QUITE YET -- I JUST MAY HAVE SAVED YOUR BUTT.

HOW?

YOU KNOW HOW DAD HAS THAT LOCATOR SYSTEM IN HIS CAR?

WELL, I CALLED THE POLICE, REPORTED IT STOLEN,

AND THEY SAID THEY'D CALL MY CELLPHONE

AS SOON AS THEY FIND IT.

OH, THANKS, JUNIOR.

WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

THEY STILL HAVEN'T CALLED.

NOW, I'M NOT MUCH OF A PRAYIN' MAN,

BUT I RECKON IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME TO PRAY,

THIS WOULD BE IT.

DEAR GOD --

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

HEY, THAT WAS QUICK!

HELLO?

[ Deep voice ] OH, YEAH, YEAH.

THIS IS MICHAEL KYLE.

OH, YOU DID?

REALLY? WHERE?

OKAY, THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

[ Normal voice ] THEY FOUND IT RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

OH! I STILL DON'T LIKE YOU, BUT I DO LOVE YOU.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TOTALLY OFF THE HOOK NOW.

DAD WILL NEVER KNOW.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND -- THIS IS MY CAR.

I'M MICHAEL KYLE. IT'S NOT STOLEN.

YEAH, RIGHT. I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MR. KYLE.

BUT I'M MICHAEL KYLE!

OH, OKAY, LET'S GO DOWNTOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT THERE.

COME ON!

Michael: CLAIRE!

UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH!

DON'T YOU JUMP OUT THAT WINDOW!

I WANT TO KILL YOU FIRST. COME HERE.

DAD, HOW'D YOU GET OUT OF JAIL?

THE QUESTION IS NOT HOW I GOT OUT OF JAIL.

THE QUESTION IS "HOW THE HELL DID I GET IN JAIL

IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

DAD, I AM SO SORRY.

KEEP TALKIN'.

I WAS STUPID AND IMMATURE. AND?

AND IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND CHANGE THINGS, I WOULD.

AND?

AND I PROMISE I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

AND?

AND...AND I'VE RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY!

OKAY, THEN I WANT TO SAY A COUPLE OF THINGS --

THAT WAS THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE AND SELFISH THING

YOU'VE EVER DONE, CLAIRE.

I KNOW.

NO, YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE PARENTS.

BECAUSE WE THINK ABOUT THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO --

OKAY? THE LITTLE THINGS THAT YOU DON'T STOP TO THINK ABOUT.

LIKE YOU COULD HAVE HURT SOMEBODY, OR WORSE THAN THAT,

YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF!

I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT. NO, YOU DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT?

YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO THIS FAMILY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? THAT WOULD DEVASTATE US, CLAIRE.

YOU CAN'T JUST UP AND DO SOMETHING

BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE DOIN' IT.

BUT YOU WERE NEVER GONNA LET ME DRIVE.

SO YOUR ANSWER TO THAT IS TO STEAL MY CAR?

[ SIGHS ]

DAD, YOU'RE RIGHT. I WAS DUMB.

I DON'T DESERVE TO EVER HAVE MY LICENSE.

[ EXHALES ]

MAYBE IT'S PARTLY MY FAULT, TOO.

MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE TOO IMPATIENT.

LOOK, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE THAT BADLY,

THEN I'LL TEACH YOU,

BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE RADIO OFF

AND TURN YOUR BRAIN ON AND FOCUS, CLAIRE.

OKAY?

COME ON, DRIVE ME TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

GREAT.

HEY, DAD? HMM?

DO I REALLY GET YOUR CAR WHEN I TURN 18?

UH...

NO?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I'M MICHAEL KYLE.

THIS CAR IS NOT STOLEN. IT'S MINE.

OKAY, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MR. KYLE.

BUT I'M MICHAEL KY-- HE KNOWS ME!

WE JUST PLAYED "I SPY" TOGETHER.

TELL HIM. TELL HIM.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE...

YOU GOING BYE-BYE.

HAH! FUNNY KID. COME ON! HEY!