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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,121 --> 00:00:02,121 LAST TIME ON "MY WIFE AND KIDS"... 2 00:00:02,123 --> 00:00:04,003 EVERYBODY, THIS IS VANESSA SCOTT. 3 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,764 VANESSA, THAT'S MY MOM AND DAD, AND THAT'S MY SISTER CLAIRE. 4 00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,337 HI. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 5 00:00:08,339 --> 00:00:09,549 PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 6 00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:11,050 WE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU, VANESSA. 7 00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:14,232 OH, YOU'RE JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS JUNIOR SAID YOU WERE, MRS. KYLE. 8 00:00:14,225 --> 00:00:16,055 DON'T CALL ME MRS. KYLE. CALL ME JAY. 9 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,307 OKAY, JAY. 10 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,598 DID YOU HEAR HOW THE LITTLE HEIFER CALLED ME JAY? 11 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,980 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, MICHAEL, BUT I'M TELLING YOU -- 12 00:00:21,982 --> 00:00:23,562 MNH-MNH! 13 00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:27,034 MNH-MNH, THAT ONE GOT AN AGENDA RIGHT THERE. UNH-UNH! 14 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,947 GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. 15 00:00:28,949 --> 00:00:30,239 DON'T WAIT UP. 16 00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:33,111 YOU GUYS ENJOY YOURSELVES, AND DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO. 17 00:00:33,114 --> 00:00:34,164 [ GASPS ] 18 00:00:34,155 --> 00:00:35,535 DADDY! MOMMY! 19 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,206 I-IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 20 00:00:43,124 --> 00:00:45,224 PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GET DOWNSTAIRS. 21 00:00:45,216 --> 00:00:47,046 WAIT A SECOND. JAY, I CAN EXPLAIN. 22 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,377 UNH-UNH! DON'T CALL ME JAY. THAT'S MRS. KYLE TO YOU. 23 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:52,260 PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND GET OUT OF MY BED, LITTLE HUSSY. 24 00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:53,553 DON'T CALL HER A HUSSY. 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,064 WHAT WOULD YOU PREFER, SON? 26 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,555 FLOOZIE, SLUT, TRAMP, JEZEBEL, UH, UM, UM, UM... 27 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,848 BELLY WARMER. BELLY WARMER. 28 00:00:58,849 --> 00:01:00,679 STREET WALKER. SKANK. 29 00:01:00,681 --> 00:01:02,061 W-WE'LL STICK WITH HUSSY. 30 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,282 JUST PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED! 31 00:01:05,276 --> 00:01:06,776 OH, THE BOY'S GONNA PAY. 32 00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:08,607 YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT HE IS. 33 00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:10,899 HE'S GONNA REGRET THE DAY HE WAS BORN. 34 00:01:10,901 --> 00:01:12,191 AMEN TO THAT. 35 00:01:12,193 --> 00:01:13,613 IF WE LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS, 36 00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:14,964 WE DONE LOST ALL CONTROL! 37 00:01:14,955 --> 00:01:16,825 ALL CONTROL, JAY. THIS IS MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY. 38 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,367 THE BOY'S BENEDICT ARNOLD. 39 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:21,329 IT'S POPEYE AND BRUTUS ALL OVER AGAIN. 40 00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:23,292 WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? WHAT? 41 00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:25,634 YOU REMEMBER HOW BRUTUS USED TO ALWAYS DISRESPECT POPEYE? 42 00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:26,796 WHAT? 43 00:01:26,797 --> 00:01:28,337 THE POINT IS HE TOTALLY DISRESPECTED US. 44 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,209 TOTALLY! MAN. 45 00:01:30,211 --> 00:01:32,261 I GAVE THE BOY STRIKE ONE, STRIKE TWO, STRIKE THREE. 46 00:01:32,263 --> 00:01:33,763 HE WENT THROUGH IT LIKE THAT. 47 00:01:33,764 --> 00:01:36,394 THIS IS A NUCLEAR STRIKE, MICHAEL -- KABOOM! 48 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,388 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 49 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,180 HOW WE GONNA PUNISH HIM? 50 00:01:41,182 --> 00:01:42,722 WE GOT TO THROW HIM OUT. 51 00:01:42,723 --> 00:01:44,363 WHAT? UNH-UNH, NOT MY BABY. 52 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,985 A BABY WOULDN'T DO WHAT HE JUST DID. 53 00:01:46,987 --> 00:01:48,857 MICHAEL, WHERE DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA SLEEP?! 54 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,399 HE CAN TAKE THE BED. I'LL NEVER SLEEP IN THAT AGAIN. 55 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:52,612 MICHAEL, WAIT! 56 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,903 WAIT! 57 00:01:53,904 --> 00:01:55,164 YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS. 58 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:57,196 WHAT HAPPENED TO MISS "KABOOM!"? 59 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,828 SHE DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING CRAZY. 60 00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,120 WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO? 61 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,211 I DON'T KNOW. BUT KICKING HIM OUT IS TOO DRASTIC. 62 00:02:04,205 --> 00:02:06,455 JAY, THE BOY JUST BLATANTLY DISRESPECTED 63 00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:08,337 THE SANCTITY OF OUR INNER SANCTUM. 64 00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:09,629 HE'S SPRAYING TURF. 65 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,420 THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE ALPHA MALE IN THE PACK. 66 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,313 THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE BULL WALRUS ON THE BEACH. 67 00:02:15,306 --> 00:02:18,216 THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE TOP DOG 68 00:02:18,219 --> 00:02:20,349 WHO PEES ON THE FURNITURE IN THE HOUSE. 69 00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:21,431 AND THAT'S ME, JAY. 70 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:25,192 I'M THE PISSER AROUND HERE. 71 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:28,566 I UNDERSTAND THAT, MICHAEL, BUT HE IS STILL MY SON. 72 00:02:28,569 --> 00:02:32,069 THAT'S MY BABY, AND I AM NOT GONNA THROW HIM OUT. 73 00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:33,362 I REFUSE. 74 00:02:33,364 --> 00:02:34,454 I'LL DO THE HONORS. 75 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:35,575 NO, MICHAEL! 76 00:02:35,576 --> 00:02:37,236 MRS. KYLE, I WANT TO EXPLAIN TO YOU -- 77 00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:39,538 NO, NO, NO, YOU CAN'T TELL ME ANYTHING, LITTLE GIRL. 78 00:02:39,540 --> 00:02:41,660 DON'T TALK. DON'T SPEAK. DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT. 79 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,452 JUST TAKE YOUR LITTLE SORRY BEHIND OUT THIS HOUSE. 80 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,294 YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT. 81 00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:47,996 ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU -- YOU'LL BE PICKING UP TEETH. 82 00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:49,668 [ SIGHS ] I'LL CALL YOU LATER. 83 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,000 OKAY. 84 00:02:51,001 --> 00:02:54,221 AWWW, LOOK HOW... STUPID HE IS. 85 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:57,005 [ SCOFFS ] ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? 86 00:02:57,007 --> 00:02:59,347 WELL, YOU KNOW, SON, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, 87 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,430 SO I'LL JUST JUMP RIGHT TO THE END. 88 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:02,642 GET OUT. 89 00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:04,233 FINE. I'LL BE IN MY ROOM. 90 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,065 WHEN I SAY OUT, I DON'T MEAN OUT OF MY SIGHT. 91 00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:07,396 I MEAN OUT OF MY HOUSE. 92 00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:08,858 Jay: MICHAEL! 93 00:03:08,859 --> 00:03:11,189 NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO DISCUSS THIS. BUT, MICHAEL -- 94 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,481 NOT IN FRONT OF THE DELINQUENT. 95 00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:13,573 MICHAEL! 96 00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:15,324 SILENCE, WOMAN. 97 00:03:17,278 --> 00:03:19,488 YOU, OUT OF MY HOUSE. 98 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,320 IF YOU DON'T WANT ME IN THE HOUSE, I'LL LEAVE. 99 00:03:21,322 --> 00:03:22,582 I'LL GO GET MY CLOTHES. 100 00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,753 YOU DON'T HAVE CLOTHES. EVERYTHING YOU OWN IS MINE. 101 00:03:24,745 --> 00:03:26,455 AS A MATTER OF FACT, TAKE THEM PANTS OFF. 102 00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:27,877 NO, MICHAEL! NO! 103 00:03:27,878 --> 00:03:29,498 OUT OF DEFERENCE TO YOUR MOTHER, 104 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,040 YOU CAN KEEP THE PANTS, 105 00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:33,461 BUT THE REST OF YOU GOT TO GO. 106 00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:35,104 FINE. 107 00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:41,760 YOU KNOW WHAT -- I KNOW WHAT JUNIOR DID WAS WRONG, 108 00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,602 BUT TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT! 109 00:03:43,604 --> 00:03:45,524 YEAH, AND ONE UP DON'T MAKE A DOWN, 110 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,436 AND TWO INS DON'T MAKE AN OUT, 111 00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:50,348 BUT TWO DOS DO MAKE A DO-DO, AND THAT'S WHAT DUM-DUM DID, 112 00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:51,401 SO HE GOT TO GET OUT. 113 00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,124 JU-- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 114 00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:57,776 OH, HE WANTS ME OUT, I'LL GET OUT. 115 00:03:57,778 --> 00:04:00,118 I'M GONNA GO TO VANESSA'S. SHE'S GONNA HOP IN THE CAR. 116 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,860 AND WE'RE GONNA DRIVE ALL NIGHT. 117 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:04,162 WE'RE GONNA DRIVE UNTIL THE WHEELS FALL OFF AND BURN. 118 00:04:04,164 --> 00:04:06,294 WE'RE GONNA DRIVE UNTIL THE SEAT COVERS FADE. 119 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,577 WE'RE GONNA GO TO KEY WEST TO LIVE ON THE BEACH, 120 00:04:08,579 --> 00:04:10,039 EAT FISH, AND MAKE LOVE. 121 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,290 AND NOTHING, NOTHING IS GONNA STOP US. 122 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,144 [ GRUNTS ] OH, MAN, I FORGOT -- 123 00:04:16,136 --> 00:04:18,086 I TOOK THE ENGINE OUT. 124 00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:21,088 [ Sobbing ] I GOT NO PLACE ELSE TO GO! 125 00:04:21,091 --> 00:04:22,341 JUNIOR... 126 00:04:22,343 --> 00:04:25,393 I THINK IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I DON'T AGREE WITH YOUR FATHER. 127 00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:28,846 OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE HE'S A PSYCHOPATH. 128 00:04:28,849 --> 00:04:30,269 HE'S OVERREACTING. 129 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,560 VANESSA AND I JUST GOT CARRIED AWAY. 130 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,953 YOU'VE GOT TO FORGIVE ME. I DIDN'T MEAN TO -- 131 00:04:34,945 --> 00:04:36,985 TO WHAT? GET CAUGHT. 132 00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:38,157 YEAH. 133 00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:39,698 WELL, I KNOW THAT, JUNIOR. 134 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,530 AND THE ONLY REASON THAT I'M NOT AGREEING WITH YOUR FATHER 135 00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:43,783 ABOUT THIS PUNISHMENT 136 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,174 IS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT LITTLE SHE-DEVIL SEDUCED YOU. 137 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,076 SHE'S NOT A SHE-DEVIL. 138 00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:50,248 SHE'S THE GREATEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. 139 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,170 SHE REMINDS ME OF YOU. 140 00:04:51,171 --> 00:04:52,961 YOU BETTER TAKE THAT BACK. 141 00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:55,513 I CAN'T. I LOVE HER, AND I WANT TO BE WITH HER. 142 00:04:55,506 --> 00:04:57,876 I KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO BE IN YOUR ROOM, 143 00:04:57,878 --> 00:05:00,088 BUT IT DIDN'T FEEL WRONG AT THE TIME. 144 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:02,380 WELL, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, SON, IT WAS WRONG. 145 00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:05,193 AND I ADMIT TO THAT, BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA BE ENOUGH FOR DAD. 146 00:05:05,185 --> 00:05:06,345 NO, IT'S NOT. 147 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,267 PLEASE HELP ME, MOMMY. 148 00:05:08,268 --> 00:05:10,638 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO IF HE DOESN'T LET ME BACK IN? 149 00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:12,851 I'LL DIE OUT HERE. 150 00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:15,203 I'LL SET UP A TENT IN THE BACKYARD, 151 00:05:15,195 --> 00:05:16,435 GET YOU SOME BLANKETS. 152 00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:19,317 AND TOMORROW, WHEN YOUR FATHER HAS CALMED DOWN, 153 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,069 WE'LL TRY TO STRAIGHTEN EVERYTHING OUT, OKAY? 154 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,372 [ SIGHS ] THANKS, MOM. 155 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,995 YOU'RE THE GREATEST. 156 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,165 I JUST HAD A TALK WITH OUR SON. 157 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,717 I HOPE HE'S NOT IN THE GARAGE, 158 00:05:38,719 --> 00:05:41,339 BECAUSE TECHNICALLY, THAT'S STILL A PART OF THIS HOUSE. 159 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,011 NO, HE IS NOT IN THE GARAGE. 160 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:44,263 GOOD. 161 00:05:44,264 --> 00:05:46,314 I SET UP A TENT FOR HIM IN THE BACKYARD. 162 00:05:46,306 --> 00:05:47,886 YOU DID THAT WITHOUT ASKING ME? 163 00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:49,968 YOU THREW HIM OUT WITHOUT ASKING ME. 164 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:52,180 JAY, THAT'S WHY THE BOY'S SO SIMPLEMINDED, 165 00:05:52,182 --> 00:05:53,472 BECAUSE YOU CODDLE HIM 166 00:05:53,474 --> 00:05:56,784 AND "SISSIFY" HIM WITH ALL THE MOTHERLY LOVE. 167 00:05:56,777 --> 00:05:58,187 WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? 168 00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:00,148 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME. 169 00:06:00,150 --> 00:06:01,980 WHY DON'T YOU PLAY ON MY TEAM. 170 00:06:01,982 --> 00:06:03,112 I'M THE COACH. 171 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,373 I'M TRYING TO TAKE THAT FOOL TO THE SUPER BOWL OF LIFE. 172 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,285 WELL, YOU DID A GREAT JOB, COACH, 173 00:06:07,287 --> 00:06:09,327 'CAUSE HE CERTAINLY SCORED TONIGHT. 174 00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:11,749 HA HA HA HA HA! 175 00:06:11,752 --> 00:06:13,542 LISTEN, JAY, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO -- 176 00:06:13,544 --> 00:06:15,344 TURN MY HEAD, PRETEND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN? 177 00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:17,165 I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT THIS. 178 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:19,127 BUT UNTIL WE RESOLVE THIS ISSUE, 179 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,299 YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME ISSUES. 180 00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:23,301 FINE. FINE. FINE. 181 00:06:23,303 --> 00:06:25,853 FI-I-I-I-I-NE. 182 00:06:30,270 --> 00:06:32,430 AND THAT MEANS, MICHAEL... 183 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,153 IF YOU'RE THROWING HIM OUT OF HIS ROOM, 184 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,185 I'M THROWING YOU OUT OF OURS. 185 00:06:39,069 --> 00:06:40,979 NO PROBLEM, JAY. 186 00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:44,111 THERE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A VACANCY DOWN THE HALL. 187 00:06:44,114 --> 00:06:47,164 THERE MIGHT EVEN BE A VACANCY OUT THERE ON THAT YARD. 188 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,487 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYING HE CAN'T SLEEP IN THAT TENT, 189 00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:51,580 BECAUSE IF I RECALL CORRECTLY, I BOUGHT THAT TENT. 190 00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:53,992 THAT'S MY TENT, AND IF I WANT MY SON TO SLEEP IN THE TENT, 191 00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:55,884 THEN BY GOD, MY SON'S GONNA SLEEP IN THE TENT. 192 00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,169 THIS IS WEIRD. 193 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,460 WHAT'S WEIRD? 194 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:02,462 NO JUNIOR. 195 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,043 YEAH, IT IS WEIRD. 196 00:07:04,044 --> 00:07:07,104 I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM, AND I MISS HIM. 197 00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:10,217 Michael: HEAR YE! HEAR YE! HEAR YE! 198 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:12,180 I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE -- 199 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:15,732 THE CHILD FORMERLY KNOWN AS JUNIOR DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE. 200 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:18,186 HE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE TEAM. 201 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,898 AND THAT SHOULD BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU. 202 00:07:20,901 --> 00:07:22,521 NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE. 203 00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:24,113 EVEN ME? 204 00:07:24,114 --> 00:07:25,284 ESPECIALLY YOU. 205 00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:26,905 [ SIGHS ] 206 00:07:26,907 --> 00:07:30,367 BUT IF YOU STAY IN LINE, I'LL EMBRACE YOU. 207 00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:32,780 YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD, 208 00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:34,203 WARM FOOD IN YOUR TUMMY, 209 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,714 AND A PAT ON YOUR HEAD EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. 210 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,127 YOU FEEL THAT? 211 00:07:38,128 --> 00:07:40,378 THAT'S THE LOVE FOR AN OBEDIENT CHILD. 212 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,130 YOU SEE THIS? 213 00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,932 THAT'S THE EMPTINESS OF DISOBEDIENCE. 214 00:07:44,925 --> 00:07:48,295 AND IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS -- 215 00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,508 DON'T EVER HAVE SEX. 216 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,051 WHAT'S SEX? 217 00:07:52,052 --> 00:07:55,362 VERY GOOD. YOU KEEP IT THAT WAY. 218 00:07:55,355 --> 00:07:56,515 AS FOR JUNIOR, 219 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:59,437 I WANT YOU TO ERASE HIM FROM YOUR MEMORY BANKS. 220 00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:01,189 HE'S LIKE -- LET'S SAY -- 221 00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:04,231 A FAIRY TALE CHARACTER THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED. 222 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,284 LIKE TINKERBELL? 223 00:08:05,275 --> 00:08:06,315 EXACTLY. 224 00:08:06,316 --> 00:08:08,406 MAYBE IF WE CLAP OUR HANDS, HE WILL COME BACK. 225 00:08:08,408 --> 00:08:11,448 [ GASPS ] MAYBE. LET'S TRY IT, SHALL WE? 226 00:08:11,451 --> 00:08:13,321 NOPE. 227 00:08:14,284 --> 00:08:17,044 YOU CAN CLAP YOUR HANDS. YOU CAN STOMP YOUR FEET. 228 00:08:17,037 --> 00:08:18,997 YOU CAN SAY BEETLEJUICE THREE TIMES 229 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,169 WHILE RUBBING EVERY LAMP IN THIS HOUSE 230 00:08:21,171 --> 00:08:22,961 SAYING, "ALAKAZOO, ALAKAZAM," 231 00:08:22,963 --> 00:08:23,963 BUT JUNIOR... 232 00:08:23,964 --> 00:08:26,764 AIN'T COMING BACK HERE AGAIN. 233 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,837 MAY I HAVE A PANCAKE, PLEASE? 234 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,839 MAYBE IF I CLAP MY HANDS, ONE WILL APPEAR. 235 00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:33,762 LET'S SEE, SHALL WE? 236 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,396 NOPE. 237 00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:38,897 OKAY, SO IT'S LIKE THAT, HUH? 238 00:08:38,899 --> 00:08:41,269 IT'S LIKE THAT. I DECIDE WHO GETS MY PANCAKES. 239 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,061 FINE. I DON'T WANT YOUR PANCAKES, ANYWAY. 240 00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:45,654 THEY ALWAYS TOO "PANCAKEY." 241 00:08:45,646 --> 00:08:48,276 LOOK, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH JUNIOR NOT EXISTING. 242 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,448 I'M JUST WONDERING 243 00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:52,149 WHY IT HASN'T RESULTED IN MORE ATTENTION FOR ME. 244 00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:54,322 YOU NEED MORE ATTENTION? 245 00:08:54,324 --> 00:08:56,424 COME SIT NEXT TO YOUR DEAR OL' DAD. 246 00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:57,656 THERE, THERE. 247 00:08:57,658 --> 00:09:00,658 DOES THAT CURE THE NEED FOR MORE ATTENTION? 248 00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:02,161 THANKS, DAD. 249 00:09:02,162 --> 00:09:03,752 YOU'RE WELCOME, CHILD. 250 00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:07,014 BUT, UM, HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO TAKE THE PSAT's TODAY 251 00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:10,007 WHILE LOOKING LIKE THE BEFORE PICTURE IN AN ACNE COMMERCIAL? 252 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,840 IT'S THESE STUPID HIVES. 253 00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,552 CLAIRE, BY 12:00 NOON, YOU'LL BE FINISHED WITH THE TEST, 254 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,894 YOUR FACE WILL CLEAR UP, 255 00:09:15,886 --> 00:09:18,596 AND EVERYTHING WILL GO BACK TO BEING RIGHT IN THE WORLD. 256 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:19,809 WILL JUNIOR BE BACK? 257 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,480 COME AGAIN. WHO? I DIDN'T -- 258 00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:22,641 UM, UM, UM, NOTHING. 259 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:24,233 VERY GOOD. 260 00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:25,824 KEEP IT THAT WAY. 261 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,446 OKAY... 262 00:09:27,447 --> 00:09:28,897 WELL, I'M GONNA GO AND TAKE THIS TEST. 263 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:31,989 IS IT OKAY IF I SAY HELLO TO MR. NOBODY BEFORE I LEAVE? 264 00:09:31,992 --> 00:09:35,502 IT'S PERFECTLY FINE FOR YOU TO SAY HELLO TO NOBODY WHO EXISTS, 265 00:09:35,495 --> 00:09:37,905 AS LONG AS NOBODY DON'T EXIST IN THIS HOUSE. 266 00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:39,408 OKAY. COME ON, KADY. 267 00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:40,999 BYE, MOM. BYE, DAD. 268 00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:42,461 BYE, SWEETNESS. 269 00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,632 BOY, I SURE LOVE MY TWO CHILDREN. 270 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,125 I SURE HOPE ONE DAY WE HAVE A SON. 271 00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:50,547 HOW LONG WE GONNA KEEP UP THIS LITTLE GAME, MICHAEL? 272 00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,710 I DON'T KNOW. HOW LONG WE GONNA KEEP UP THE GAME? 273 00:09:52,713 --> 00:09:55,483 JUST UNTIL OUR SON IS BACK UNDER OUR ROOF. 274 00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:00,929 GET OFF MY PANCAKE! 275 00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:08,567 [ SIGHS LOUDLY ] 276 00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:10,568 [ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ] 277 00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:11,780 NEED SOME HELP? 278 00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:12,942 [ SHUDDERS ] 279 00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:14,573 FRANKLIN, YOU STARTLED ME. 280 00:10:14,574 --> 00:10:16,744 HOW'D YOU GET IN THE HOUSE? THE DOGGY DOOR. 281 00:10:16,737 --> 00:10:18,737 THE DOGGY DOOR -- I GOT TO NAIL THAT THING SHUT. 282 00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:20,539 WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG ANYMORE. 283 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:21,790 WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? 284 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:23,662 HE RAN AWAY THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR. 285 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:24,884 BUMMER. 286 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,955 BUMMER -- YEAH, THAT WAS HIS NAME. 287 00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:28,247 AND NOW HE'S GONE. 288 00:10:28,248 --> 00:10:29,838 JUST LIKE JUNIOR? 289 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:30,880 YEP. 290 00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,381 Together: [ SIGH ] BUMMER. 291 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,893 WELL, SERVES HIM RIGHT, 292 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:37,015 NOT LISTENING TO A FINE DAD LIKE YOU. 293 00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:38,017 REALLY? 294 00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:39,808 YEAH. IS KADY AROUND? 295 00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:42,390 WELL, ACTUALLY, KADY'S STILL AT SCHOOL. 296 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,602 I'LL WAIT. 297 00:10:43,603 --> 00:10:44,773 OKAY. 298 00:10:44,765 --> 00:10:46,475 YOU KNOW, MY GOOD MAN, 299 00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:50,356 YOU HAVE TO PUT THE SATELLITE CONNECTION THROUGH THE DVD. 300 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,360 WELL... [CHUCKLES] 301 00:10:52,362 --> 00:10:53,982 I KNEW THAT. 302 00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:56,874 WHAT? DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOME HIGH-TECH, 303 00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:58,237 COMPLICATED STUFF HERE? 304 00:10:58,238 --> 00:10:59,828 WANT ME TO DO IT FOR YOU? 305 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:00,990 YEAH, PLEASE, WOULD YOU? 306 00:11:03,784 --> 00:11:05,504 WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE? 307 00:11:05,495 --> 00:11:07,545 OH, I GUESS I DIDN'T TELL YOU. 308 00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:10,207 I'M TURNING THIS ROOM INTO MICHAEL'S WORLD. 309 00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,090 MICHAEL'S WORLD? 310 00:11:12,092 --> 00:11:13,882 YEP...MAN LAND. 311 00:11:13,884 --> 00:11:16,724 THIS IS NOW A PARADISE DEDICATED TO MANLY PURSUITS -- 312 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,007 I.E., SMOKING CIGARS, 313 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:21,599 DRINKING, AND SCRATCHING. 314 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:22,681 IS THAT RIGHT? 315 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,972 THAT IS RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 316 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:27,154 HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I MIGHT LIKE A ROOM OF MY OWN, 317 00:11:27,147 --> 00:11:28,767 THAT I MIGHT LIKE A JAY WORLD? 318 00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:30,729 NO PROBLEM -- PICK A KID, THROW THEM OUT. 319 00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:34,912 IF YOU'RE GONNA THROW OUT KADY, I'LL TAKE HER. 320 00:11:34,905 --> 00:11:37,115 HA HA. YOU KEEP WORKING, KID. 321 00:11:37,117 --> 00:11:39,947 YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO ESCALATE THIS WAR, MICHAEL, 322 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,990 AND CREATE YOUR OWN MICHAEL WORLD, 323 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,122 THEN YOU CAN LIVE IN IT PERMANENTLY. 324 00:11:44,124 --> 00:11:45,884 LIVE IN IT? I'LL THRIVE IN IT. 325 00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,876 OH, YOU JUST KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. 326 00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:51,539 WELL, IT'S JUST ME AND YOU, FRANKLIN. 327 00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:52,631 YEP. 328 00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:53,882 TWO MEN -- 329 00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:55,804 TWO MANLY, MANLY MEN. 330 00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:56,796 YEP. 331 00:11:56,797 --> 00:11:58,467 TWO BIG MEN... 332 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,218 SIDE BY SIDE IN THE TRENCHES OF "MANDOM," 333 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,901 WATCHING SPORTS THE WAY MEN WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH SPORTS -- 334 00:12:04,895 --> 00:12:07,805 WITHOUT THE INTRUSIVE INFLUENCE OF WOMEN. 335 00:12:07,808 --> 00:12:08,808 YEP. 336 00:12:08,809 --> 00:12:11,309 Kady: FRANKLIN, I'M HOME! 337 00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:12,981 SHE'S HERE. SHE'S HERE. SHE'S HERE. 338 00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:17,486 TRAITOR. 339 00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,489 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 340 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,915 YES? 341 00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,287 I KNOW THAT I'M THE LAST PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW. 342 00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:30,539 YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. 343 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,080 SO WHAT DO YOU WANT? 344 00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:35,722 AND I KNOW THAT YOU THINK THAT I'M A HUSSY. 345 00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:37,925 BUT THE TRUTH IS... 346 00:12:37,928 --> 00:12:39,718 I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR SON. 347 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,681 AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU WOMAN TO WOMAN. 348 00:12:43,683 --> 00:12:45,893 OKAY. COME ON. 349 00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:47,306 OKAY. 350 00:12:47,307 --> 00:12:48,437 HAVE A SEAT. 351 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,230 WELL, UM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT... 352 00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:55,903 I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN 353 00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:58,856 AND THAT IT REALLY DID START OUT JUST INNOCENT. 354 00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:01,069 I'M NOT TRYING TO BUTTER YOU UP. 355 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,741 IT'S JUST THAT YOU REALLY DID RAISE A WONDERFUL SON. 356 00:13:04,744 --> 00:13:06,374 AND HE'S REALLY SPECIAL, 357 00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:10,956 AND HE LOOKS AT THE WORLD IN THIS UNIQUE WAY. 358 00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:13,871 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIS MR. T.P. COMIC ON TOILET PAPER? 359 00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,684 SEEN IT? I USE IT, OKAY? 360 00:13:15,675 --> 00:13:17,295 WHAT? SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO DO... 361 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,417 Together: ...WITH SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DO. 362 00:13:19,419 --> 00:13:21,219 RIGHT. 363 00:13:21,221 --> 00:13:24,591 LISTEN, I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT JUNIOR, 364 00:13:24,594 --> 00:13:27,354 BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT HE IS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE 365 00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:28,887 WITH HIS FATHER RIGHT NOW. 366 00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:30,849 I MEAN, MY SON IS LIVING IN A TENT, VANESSA. 367 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:34,561 I FEEL REALLY TERRIBLE. 368 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,574 AND I KNOW THAT WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG. 369 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,567 YES. 370 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,859 AND LOOK, I SAID A LOT OF THINGS IN ANGER. 371 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:42,862 I SHOULDN'T HAVE. 372 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,953 I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THE NAME-CALLING, OKAY? 373 00:13:44,945 --> 00:13:47,405 I UNDERSTAND. 374 00:13:48,949 --> 00:13:51,829 COULD I TALK TO JUNIOR? 375 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,221 VANESSA, I THINK THE BEST THING FOR YOU TWO RIGHT NOW 376 00:13:55,215 --> 00:13:57,955 IS THAT YOU NOT SEE EACH OTHER FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 377 00:13:57,958 --> 00:13:59,508 SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 378 00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,719 STAY OUT OF HIS TENT. 379 00:14:06,386 --> 00:14:08,596 BUMMER, IS THAT YOU, BOY?! 380 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:12,058 NO. IT'S ME, MR. KYLE -- YOUR FUTURE SON-IN-LAW. 381 00:14:12,062 --> 00:14:13,272 HEY, FRANKLIN. 382 00:14:13,273 --> 00:14:14,603 IS KADY AROUND? 383 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,984 NO, SHE'S AT BALLET LESSONS. 384 00:14:16,977 --> 00:14:19,777 GOOD. THAT GIVES ME SOME TIME TO REHEARSE. 385 00:14:19,779 --> 00:14:21,109 MAY I USE YOUR PIANO? 386 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,321 WELL, YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY. GO AHEAD -- KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. 387 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,794 SO WHAT ARE YOU REHEARSING? 388 00:14:26,786 --> 00:14:29,076 OH...I COMPOSED A SONG FOR KADY. 389 00:14:29,079 --> 00:14:30,409 WANT TO HEAR IT? 390 00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:31,910 SURE. 391 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,622 ♪ KA-A-DY ♪ 392 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,594 ♪ KA-A-DY ♪ 393 00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:41,417 ♪ KA-A-A-A-D... ♪ 394 00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:44,841 [ High-pitched voice ] ♪ Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪ 395 00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:46,144 THAT WAS WONDERFUL. 396 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,806 AREN'T YOU GONNA WRITE SOME MORE WORDS FOR IT, THOUGH? 397 00:14:48,808 --> 00:14:52,218 AFTER YOU SAY "KADY," THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY. 398 00:14:52,222 --> 00:14:55,072 [ Chuckling ] OH, BOY, YOU GOT IT BAD, DON'T YOU? 399 00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:57,395 YEP, I SURE DO. I GOT A LOVE JONES. 400 00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,317 AND I BET YOU WERE LIKE THAT WITH MRS. KYLE 401 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,020 WHEN YOU FIRST MET HER. 402 00:15:02,022 --> 00:15:03,112 HMM. 403 00:15:03,113 --> 00:15:06,033 WELL, ACTUALLY, WE WERE A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH LIKE THAT. 404 00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:07,026 WHAT HAPPENED? 405 00:15:07,027 --> 00:15:08,117 JUNIOR. 406 00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,158 I DON'T GET IT. 407 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,290 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO. 408 00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,241 LOOK, YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY HERE 409 00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:15,003 AS LONG AS YOU WANT, FRANKLIN, 410 00:15:14,995 --> 00:15:17,535 BUT KADY'S NOT COMING HOME TILL DINNERTIME. 411 00:15:17,537 --> 00:15:18,747 MAY I COME BACK THEN? 412 00:15:18,748 --> 00:15:20,958 YOU MAY...IF YOU CAN. [ CHUCKLES ] 413 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,881 [ LAUGHS ] HOW DELIGHTFUL. 414 00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,973 I SEE WHERE KADY GETS HER GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR. 415 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,137 REALLY? 416 00:15:28,138 --> 00:15:29,678 BYE, MR. KYLE. 417 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,389 TAKE CARE THERE, FRANKLIN. 418 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,983 MICHAEL, I TALKED TO VANESSA. 419 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,106 AND? 420 00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:39,687 WE GOT TROUBLE -- MORE THAN I THOUGHT. 421 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,149 WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE WE GOT? 422 00:15:41,151 --> 00:15:44,481 THE GIRL IS IN LOVE WITH JUNIOR. 423 00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:47,334 AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A LITTLE BIT OF PUPPY LOVE. 424 00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:49,447 I'M TALKING ABOUT BIG TIME CUJO LOVE. 425 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,279 THEY MADE SOME OF THAT CUJO LOVE UP IN OUR BED, REMEMBER? 426 00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:54,332 CAN WE PUT ASIDE WHERE THEY DID IT 427 00:15:54,334 --> 00:15:56,254 AND CONCENTRATE ON WHAT THEY DID? 428 00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,576 LET ME JUST REMIND YOU OF SOMETHING, MICHAEL -- 429 00:15:58,578 --> 00:15:59,998 WE DID IT IN JUNIOR'S BED, 430 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,210 IN JUNIOR'S CAR, ON JUNIOR'S BIKE, 431 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,792 AND IN THAT TENT JUNIOR IS CURRENTLY CALLING HOME. 432 00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:07,764 WE SURE DID -- GOOD TIMES, GOOD STUFF. 433 00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:09,087 WOULD YOU -- [ SIGHS ] 434 00:16:09,089 --> 00:16:11,799 THE POINT IS, MICHAEL, 435 00:16:11,801 --> 00:16:13,971 JUNIOR DID SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID, 436 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,403 AND, YES, HE SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR IT, 437 00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:17,556 BUT NOT THIS MUCH. 438 00:16:17,557 --> 00:16:19,477 I CAN'T BELIEVE WOMEN, OKAY? 439 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,899 A MOTHER WILL DEFEND HER SON TILL THE -- 440 00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:25,201 I BET JEFFREY DAHMER'S MOTHER IS STILL TALKING ABOUT, 441 00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:27,405 "WELL, THE BABY WAS JUST HUNGRY." 442 00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:30,407 HE JUST WANTED SOMETHING TO EAT, SOMETHING TO NIBBLE ON. 443 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:32,740 HE NEEDED PROTEIN, AND HE LOVED HAITIAN FOOD. 444 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,822 I'M RIGHT, AND YOU KNOW IT. 445 00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:36,214 AND IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, 446 00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,706 YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE THAT BOY AWAY FOREVER. 447 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:40,208 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 448 00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:50,428 UH, DAD, CAN I TALK TO YOU? 449 00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:51,840 SPEAK. 450 00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:53,391 UH, CAN I COME IN? 451 00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:54,633 UH... 452 00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:55,644 NO. 453 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,436 O-KAY. 454 00:16:58,438 --> 00:17:01,138 WELL, LISTEN, I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT THIS, 455 00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:02,941 AND IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOUR OPINION 456 00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:05,742 OF WHAT VANESSA AND I DID IS A TEENY-WEENY BIT HYPOCRITICAL. 457 00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:07,025 YOU'RE RIGHT. 458 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,356 AND THEREFORE, I -- DID YOU SAY I WAS RIGHT? 459 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:10,359 YEP. 460 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:11,820 OH, WELL... 461 00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:14,071 THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH ALL I HAD. 462 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,424 OKAY. WELL, YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE. 463 00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:17,826 NICE TALKING TO YOU. 464 00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:19,787 [ SIGHS ] 465 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,829 [ DOGGY DOOR CLOSES ] 466 00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,421 JUNIOR... 467 00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:26,835 COME HERE. 468 00:17:26,836 --> 00:17:29,046 THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU. 469 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,168 HAVE A SEAT. 470 00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:31,670 ALL RIGHT. 471 00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:35,483 LET ME TELL YOU MY FEAR. 472 00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:37,725 MY FEAR IS THAT YOU'RE SO BLINDLY IN LOVE 473 00:17:37,727 --> 00:17:39,977 THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET THIS GIRL PREGNANT. 474 00:17:39,979 --> 00:17:42,309 AND THEN, OUT OF GUILT, YOU'RE GONNA MARRY HER, 475 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,482 AND I'M GONNA BE STUCK WITH A GRANDCHILD 476 00:17:44,484 --> 00:17:46,864 WITH THIS BIG HEAD THAT KEEPS TIPPING OVER. 477 00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,646 ISN'T THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AND MOM? 478 00:17:48,648 --> 00:17:49,818 YEAH. 479 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,111 BUT WE WERE VERY, VERY FORTUNATE. 480 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,004 THE ODDS ARE AGAINST YOU, SON. 481 00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:57,575 I DON'T CARE WHAT THE ODDS ARE, DAD. 482 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,117 IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN BEING IN THIS HOUSE 483 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,960 OR BEING WITH VANESSA, THEN I'M GONNA CHOOSE BEING WITH VANESSA. 484 00:18:02,962 --> 00:18:04,832 YOU KNOW, I RESPECT THAT, SON. 485 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,014 I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE THAT MUCH IN LOVE. 486 00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:08,206 SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 487 00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:09,588 YOU CROSSED THE LINE! 488 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,589 AND THAT LINE GOES AROUND THE EDGES OF MY BED! 489 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,091 I KNOW I DID, AND I APOLOGIZE, 490 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,562 BUT HAVEN'T YOU EVER GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT? 491 00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:17,715 A COUPLE OF TIMES -- ONCE OUT IN THE TENT WITH YOUR MOM. 492 00:18:17,717 --> 00:18:18,767 EW! 493 00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:20,808 YEAH, GOOD TIMES, GOOD STUFF. 494 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:22,890 BUT LOOK, HERE'S THE THING, SON... 495 00:18:22,892 --> 00:18:24,772 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A LOT, 496 00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:26,154 AND I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION 497 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,776 THAT THROWING YOU OUT IS NOT GONNA GIVE ME WHAT I WANT. 498 00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:29,938 AND WHAT IS THAT? 499 00:18:29,939 --> 00:18:31,899 I WANT US... 500 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:34,691 TO GO BACK TO BEING A HAPPY FAMILY. 501 00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:38,575 WELL, DOES THAT MEAN I CAN COME OUT OF THE TENT? 502 00:18:38,578 --> 00:18:40,618 YEAH. 503 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,120 BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID. 504 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,552 I KNOW. AND I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. 505 00:18:46,546 --> 00:18:47,916 AND, DAD... 506 00:18:47,917 --> 00:18:51,917 AS A MAN, I WANT TO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND TELL YOU THAT... 507 00:18:51,921 --> 00:18:56,141 I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY THAT I DISRESPECTED YOU. 508 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,135 [ SIGHS ] 509 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,887 APOLOGY ACCEPTED. 510 00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:05,363 COME HERE. 511 00:19:09,939 --> 00:19:11,689 I'M GONNA GO UP TO MY ROOM NOW. 512 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,043 LET ME -- LET ME FOLLOW YOU. 513 00:19:17,737 --> 00:19:19,487 HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH? 514 00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,779 MAN, I SHOULD GET PUNISHED MORE OFTEN. 515 00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:22,951 YEAH, LOOK AT THIS -- 516 00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:25,292 A PINBALL MACHINE RIGHT HERE -- DONKEY BOY. 517 00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:26,545 THAT'S MY FAVORITE. 518 00:19:26,546 --> 00:19:28,246 AND LOOK AT THIS -- A FULL WET BAR. 519 00:19:28,248 --> 00:19:30,588 YES! I DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS ANYMORE. 520 00:19:30,590 --> 00:19:32,550 AND I GOT SODAS AND JUICES. 521 00:19:32,552 --> 00:19:35,802 AND LOOK AT THIS -- HIGH-DEFINITION, FLAT SCREEN, 522 00:19:35,795 --> 00:19:37,755 60 INCHES! WHOA! 523 00:19:37,757 --> 00:19:41,467 AND LOOK AT THIS -- THIS HERE -- IT RECLINES ALL THE WAY BACK, 524 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:42,801 SO YOU WATCH THE TV. 525 00:19:42,802 --> 00:19:44,642 OH, AND IT'S SO COMFORTABLE. 526 00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:45,864 HA HA! DO YOU LIKE IT? 527 00:19:45,855 --> 00:19:47,355 OH, I LOVE MY NEW ROOM. 528 00:19:47,357 --> 00:19:49,357 WELL, UH, WELL, THIS IS NOT YOUR ROOM. 529 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,899 HUH? 530 00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:53,861 NO, NO. THIS IS NOT YOUR ROOM NO MORE. 531 00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,913 WH-- SO WHERE IS MY ROOM? 532 00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:57,775 [ CHUCKLING ] 533 00:19:57,777 --> 00:20:00,197 HA HA HA HA HA HA! 534 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,919 [ HORN HONKS ] 535 00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:12,921 [ GRUNTS ] 536 00:20:12,922 --> 00:20:14,382 GOOD NIGHT, SON. 537 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,844 GOOD NIGHT, DAD. 538 00:20:15,835 --> 00:20:17,005 [ GRUNTS ] 539 00:20:18,798 --> 00:20:21,218 Man on TV: 76ers UP BY ONE. 540 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,430 HEY. 541 00:20:22,432 --> 00:20:24,222 HEY. 542 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,943 ...WHO HAS HAD A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IS ABOUT... 543 00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:30,847 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 544 00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:32,150 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? 545 00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:33,651 HMM. 546 00:20:33,653 --> 00:20:37,283 I THINK RAISING CHILDREN IS LIKE SENDING A ROCKET TO THE MOON. 547 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,487 THEY MAY GO OFF COURSE. THEY MAY EVEN LOSE CONTACT. 548 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,450 BUT IF YOU PROGRAM THEM RIGHT, THEY COME BACK HOME. 549 00:20:43,453 --> 00:20:45,423 HMM. 550 00:20:45,415 --> 00:20:46,865 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 551 00:20:46,866 --> 00:20:49,496 WHEN DID MY LIFE GET SO COMPLICATED? 552 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,169 I KNOW THE EXACT MOMENT. 553 00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:53,750 IT'S WHEN YOU TURNED TO ME, AND YOU SAID, 554 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,883 "HI, MY NAME'S MIKE. WHAT'S YOURS?" 555 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,045 [ CHUCKLES ] 556 00:20:57,046 --> 00:20:58,876 HEY, WATCH THIS. 557 00:20:58,878 --> 00:20:59,838 WHAT? 558 00:20:59,839 --> 00:21:01,879 OH, LORD. 559 00:21:01,881 --> 00:21:03,261 WHERE ARE WE GOING? 560 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,482 TO MICHAEL'S WORLD. 561 00:21:05,475 --> 00:21:06,765 [ LAUGHS ] 562 00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:11,649 WAIT! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS. 563 00:21:11,651 --> 00:21:13,941 WHAT HAPPENED TO MISS "KABOOM!"? 564 00:21:13,943 --> 00:21:15,993 SHE DIDN'T THINK YOU -- DARN. 565 00:21:15,985 --> 00:21:17,775 SCARED YOU, HUH? YOU DID. 566 00:21:19,238 --> 00:21:20,898 HE'S SPRAYING TURF. 567 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:23,900 THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MALE PACK IN THE "ALPHABETORY." 37941

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