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1
00:00:02,123 --> 00:00:03,423
HEY, BABY.
2
00:00:03,424 --> 00:00:05,054
HEY, SWEETIE.
3
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,216
WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?
4
00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:07,547
OATMEAL.
5
00:00:07,548 --> 00:00:08,888
OKAY, KADY, HAND ME
THAT SUGAR.
6
00:00:08,889 --> 00:00:12,259
LISTEN,
I HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS
7
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:15,733
TO SHARE WITH MY HANDSOME,
HARDWORKING HUSBAND.
8
00:00:15,726 --> 00:00:17,346
YOUR MOTHER LOST
OUR ADDRESS?
NO.
9
00:00:17,348 --> 00:00:19,188
YOUR MOTHER LOST
HER WILL TO LIVE?
NO.
10
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:20,600
YOUR MOTHER
JUST GET LOST?
NO!
11
00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:22,691
THIS IS NOT ABOUT
MY MOTHER.
12
00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:25,033
MY GREAT NEWS IS ABOUT YOU.
REALLY?
13
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,735
YES. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
IF I TOLD YOU
14
00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:30,028
THAT YOUR ADORING WIFE
NOMINATED YOU FOR --
15
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,570
A DRUMROLL, PLEASE --
16
00:00:31,572 --> 00:00:33,492
SMALL BUSINESSMAN
OF THE YEAR AWARD?
17
00:00:33,494 --> 00:00:35,334
OOH, OOH!
18
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,786
I'D SAY MY ADORING WIFE
DID SOMETHING SPECIAL,
19
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,918
BUT THERE'S NO WAY I CAN
WIN A THING LIKE THAT
20
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,710
BECAUSE THERE'S PROBABLY
THOUSANDS OF SUBMISSIONS.
21
00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:45,013
OKAY. WELL, THIS CAME
FOR YOU TODAY.
22
00:00:45,005 --> 00:00:47,335
YOU ARE ONE OF THREE
FINALISTS.
23
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:50,668
AHH! I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT! AHH!
24
00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:53,631
AHH! AHH! OOH! OOH! AH!
OOH! OOH! OOH-OOH!
25
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,524
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN
TO GRANDMA?
26
00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:58,936
NO! AND NEVER MIND
YOUR FATHER.
27
00:00:58,939 --> 00:01:01,889
MY BERRY LIPSTICK
IS MISSING, CLAIRE.
28
00:01:01,892 --> 00:01:03,942
HMM. I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
29
00:01:03,944 --> 00:01:06,154
HMM? REALLY?
WELL, LET ME HELP YOU OUT.
30
00:01:06,147 --> 00:01:07,947
SOME OF IT
IS ON YOUR LIPS.
31
00:01:07,948 --> 00:01:10,068
[ GASPS ]
HOW DID THAT GET THERE?
32
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,610
CLAIRE, YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP
PLAYING IN MY MAKEUP.
33
00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:15,664
YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE
YOUR SKIN IS.
34
00:01:15,656 --> 00:01:17,906
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT THIS
IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.
35
00:01:17,908 --> 00:01:19,158
AND ON MY MEASLY SALARY,
36
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,250
I HAVE TO WORK THREE HOURS
JUST TO BUY ONE TUBE.
37
00:01:21,252 --> 00:01:24,042
OH, BOOHOO-HOO.
HOW WILL YOU EVER GO ON?
38
00:01:24,044 --> 00:01:26,424
SEE? DAD UNDERSTANDS.
39
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:28,667
HEY,
ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?
40
00:01:28,669 --> 00:01:31,589
WHAT GAVE ME AWAY?
WAS IT THE "BOOHOO-HOO"?
41
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,172
[ GROWLS ]
42
00:01:33,174 --> 00:01:34,684
[ LAUGHING ]
43
00:01:34,675 --> 00:01:36,555
HEY, MAX, WE SHOULD HAVE
PARTNERED UP
44
00:01:36,557 --> 00:01:37,847
A LONG TIME AGO, MAN.
45
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:40,678
WHY? BECAUSE YOU BEAT ME,
AND I GOT TO PAY FOR LUNCH?
46
00:01:40,681 --> 00:01:42,181
UH, YEAH.
47
00:01:42,183 --> 00:01:44,403
HEY, THIS IS GONNA BE
A BIG WEEK FOR YOU.
48
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,565
CONGRATULATIONS ON
BEING NOMINATED.
49
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:47,527
HEY, THANK YOU.
50
00:01:47,528 --> 00:01:49,568
MY WIFE TOLD ME ABOUT IT
THIS MORNING.
51
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:52,780
WAIT, YOU DIDN'T HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS, DID YOU?
52
00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:55,583
WELL, I'M THE CHAIRMAN OF THE
SMALL BUSINESSMAN'S ASSOCIATION.
53
00:01:55,576 --> 00:02:00,036
JAY SUBMITTED YOUR NAME, AND
I SECONDED YOUR NOMINATION.
54
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,000
REALLY? WELL, THANK YOU.
I OWE YOU ONE.
55
00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:05,553
LOOK, I HAPPEN TO THINK
YOU DESERVE THAT AWARD.
56
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:06,626
IT'S A GREAT STORY.
57
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,087
YOU STARTED WITH NOTHING,
58
00:02:08,088 --> 00:02:09,958
AND YOU TURNED THAT INTO
SOMETHING SUBSTANTIAL.
59
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,460
SO, WHO ELSE
AM I UP AGAINST?
60
00:02:12,463 --> 00:02:14,683
UH, TWO OTHER PEOPLE -- A
DRY CLEANER AND A CAR DEALER --
61
00:02:14,675 --> 00:02:15,965
NOTHING.
62
00:02:15,966 --> 00:02:19,096
ARE YOU SAYING THAT I ALREADY
GOT THIS THING WON?
63
00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:23,099
ALL I CAN SAY IS IF MY VOTE
WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT COUNTED,
64
00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:24,903
YOU'D BE A SHOO-IN.
65
00:02:27,107 --> 00:02:29,107
ALL RIGHT.
66
00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:31,531
JAY!
YEAH, RIGHT HERE.
67
00:02:31,532 --> 00:02:32,652
BABY, I GOT IT!
68
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,153
WHOO! WHAT'D YOU GET?
69
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,784
THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN OF
THE YEAR AWARD -- IT'S MINE.
70
00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:39,117
WHOA, SETTLE DOWN.
YOU WERE JUST NOMINATED, BABY.
71
00:02:39,119 --> 00:02:41,909
NO, LISTEN. MAX TOLD ME THAT
I GOT THE THING WON ALREADY.
72
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,082
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE
SOMETHING MAX WOULD SAY.
73
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:46,844
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND HOW GUYS TALK.
74
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:50,377
IT'S ALL SUBTEXT.
HE GAVE ME THE WINK, JAY.
75
00:02:50,381 --> 00:02:52,881
MICHAEL, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET DISAPPOINTED
76
00:02:52,883 --> 00:02:55,223
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT
YOU DON'T GET THIS AWARD.
77
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,676
BABY, HE GAVE ME
THE DOUBLE WINK LIKE THAT.
78
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,010
IT'S MINE.
79
00:03:01,011 --> 00:03:02,011
ARE YOU SURE?
80
00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:04,232
I'M POSITIVE.
IT'S MINE.
81
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,515
OKAY.
THEN CONGRATULATIONS!
82
00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:10,149
MAN, I CAN'T WAIT
TO TELL MY FATHER.
83
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,900
HE NEVER THOUGHT I'D
AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
84
00:03:11,902 --> 00:03:15,822
YEAH?! WELL, HOW DO
YOU LIKE ME NOW, DAD?!
85
00:03:15,816 --> 00:03:17,406
WHERE ARE THE KIDS AT?
86
00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:18,868
THEY'RE UPSTAIRS.
87
00:03:18,869 --> 00:03:20,949
OH, THEY'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
COME ON.
88
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:24,031
HEY, CLAIRE, JUNIOR, KADY,
GET DOWN HERE! COME ON!
89
00:03:24,034 --> 00:03:26,134
GUYS, HURRY UP, HURRY UP!
90
00:03:26,126 --> 00:03:27,416
WHAT'S UP, DAD?
91
00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:28,878
I GOT SOME GREAT NEWS!
92
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:30,959
YOUR DAD HAS SOME AMAZING
NEWS TO SHARE WITH YOU.
93
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,631
ARE YOU
EXTENDING MY CURFEW?
BETTER.
94
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:35,103
ARE YOU GONNA LET ME START
BORROWING YOUR CAR?
BETTER THAN THAT.
95
00:03:35,095 --> 00:03:37,635
ARE YOU GONNA LET ME
EAT CANDY FOR DINNER?
96
00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:39,968
EVEN BETTER!
97
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,010
LISTEN, I WON THE SMALL
BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD!
98
00:03:43,013 --> 00:03:44,983
Jay: YEAH! [ APPLAUDS ]
99
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,515
THAT'S IT?
100
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:48,267
THAT'S IT?
101
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,769
NEWS FLASH --
THAT'S NOT BETTER THAN CANDY.
102
00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:52,271
SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
103
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:55,163
THE BIG DEAL IS I THOUGHT MY
CHILDREN WOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME.
104
00:03:55,155 --> 00:03:57,655
YEAH, YOU GUYS, I'M NOT CRAZY
ABOUT THESE ATTITUDES.
105
00:03:57,658 --> 00:03:59,698
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR FATHER.
106
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,200
THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL.
107
00:04:01,201 --> 00:04:03,281
WELL, IT'S JUST --
I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
108
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,834
DAD ALWAYS SAID AWARDS
WERE SILLY,
109
00:04:04,825 --> 00:04:06,535
AND I'VE LIVED MY LIFE
BY THAT CREDO,
110
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,957
CONSTANTLY STRUGGLING
TO UNDERACHIEVE
111
00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:12,039
TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM
BEING REWARDED AS POSSIBLE.
112
00:04:12,042 --> 00:04:13,422
[ CHUCKLES ]
113
00:04:13,424 --> 00:04:16,054
YEAH, WELL,
YOU'VE SUCCEEDED,
114
00:04:16,046 --> 00:04:18,296
BUT SATURDAY NIGHT
IS THE AWARDS CEREMONY,
115
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,179
AND I WANT US ALL TOGETHER
AS A FAMILY.
116
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:21,970
I'VE GOT A DATE
WITH TONY.
117
00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:23,142
AND I'VE GOT A DATE
WITH VANESSA.
118
00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:27,273
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING,
BUT I'M STILL LOOKIN'.
119
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,347
YEAH, WELL,
CANCEL ALL YOUR PLANS
120
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,770
BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME
THAT MY CHILDREN ARE THERE
121
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,772
WHEN I AM ACKNOWLEDGED
BY MY PEERS.
122
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,164
BUT, DAD --
123
00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:36,695
NO "BUTS."
124
00:04:36,697 --> 00:04:37,737
THIS STINKS.
125
00:04:37,738 --> 00:04:40,318
SO DID ALL YOUR SCHOOL PLAYS
AND RECITALS,
126
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,321
BUT IT DIDN'T STOP ME
FROM GOING.
127
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,406
♪ THEN I GET THE CALL
THAT MY BROTHER'S IN JAIL ♪
128
00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:50,499
♪ LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE,
NO NEED FOR BAIL ♪
129
00:04:50,501 --> 00:04:52,871
♪ TRYIN' TO GET LOVE
FROM A MOTHER ON DRUGS ♪
130
00:04:52,873 --> 00:04:55,343
♪ AND MOST OF MY LIFE,
I'M CONSIDERED A THUG ♪
131
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,836
♪ IN A FOOD-STAMP WORLD,
A FOOD-STAMP WORLD ♪
132
00:04:57,838 --> 00:05:00,468
All:
♪ IN A FOOD-STAMP WORLD,
A FOOD-STAMP WORLD ♪
133
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:02,631
♪ IN A FOOD-STAMP WORLD,
A FOOD-STAMP WORLD ♪
134
00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:05,103
YOU GONNA BE WORKIN'
IN A FOOD-STAMP WORLD
135
00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:06,685
IF YOU DON'T TURN THAT OFF.
136
00:05:06,687 --> 00:05:07,847
WHAT'S UP, BOSS?
137
00:05:07,848 --> 00:05:10,558
HEY, LOOK,
I BROUGHT YOU GUYS HERE
138
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,731
TO TELL YOU SOME GREAT NEWS.
139
00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:14,273
WE'RE GETTIN'
SOME BIG, FAT RAISES.
140
00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:15,494
BETTER THAN THAT.
141
00:05:15,486 --> 00:05:16,356
PAID HOLIDAYS?
142
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,527
BETTER THAN THAT.
143
00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:19,608
NEW SPEAKERS AND RIMS
ON THE TRUCK.
144
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,280
EVEN BETTER THAN THAT.
145
00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:23,861
YOU GUYS ARE NOW LOOKING
AT THIS YEAR'S WINNER
146
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,714
OF THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN
OF THE YEAR AWARD.
147
00:05:26,707 --> 00:05:29,577
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
148
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,500
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK
TO MY STUDIO APARTMENT
149
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,162
AND TELL MY DIABETIC HAMSTER.
150
00:05:34,164 --> 00:05:36,594
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS CAUSE FOR A CELEBRATION.
151
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:37,797
YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO?
152
00:05:37,798 --> 00:05:39,628
WE NEED
TO TAKE A 3-DAY WEEKEND,
153
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,550
GO TO ATLANTIC CITY
ON THE COMPANY,
154
00:05:42,553 --> 00:05:46,853
AND THAT'LL BE OUR WAY OF
SAYING, "CONGRATULATIONS, BOSS."
155
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,967
REALLY? I'M GONNA MAKE
THAT HAPPEN RIGHT NOW.
156
00:05:48,969 --> 00:05:50,639
REALLY?
NO.
157
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,562
YOU WILL NEVER WIN
158
00:05:53,564 --> 00:05:54,574
THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN
OF THE YEAR AWARD
159
00:05:54,565 --> 00:05:56,065
BECAUSE
YOU'RE TOO WASTEFUL.
160
00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:58,396
SEE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO
WITH A COMPANY
161
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,479
IS YOU HAVE TO NURTURE IT,
YOU KNOW.
162
00:06:00,481 --> 00:06:03,321
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GO IN THERE
AND MINE THOSE ASSETS.
163
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,623
AND THEN YOU ROLL
THE PROFITS.
164
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:08,906
SEE, THAT'S THE GIANT MIND
OF THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN.
165
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,991
GO BACK TO WORK.
166
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:17,674
FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN,
167
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:20,088
LEND ME YOUR EARS.
168
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:24,380
YOU SEE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I HAD A DREAM.
169
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:28,014
I HAD A DREAM I COULD TURN
MY 10-SPEED BICYCLE
170
00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:29,928
INTO A TRUCKING COMPANY.
171
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:32,060
YES, LORD, I HAD A DREAM.
172
00:06:32,062 --> 00:06:34,012
MICHAEL,
YOU'RE NOT DRESSED YET?
173
00:06:34,014 --> 00:06:36,654
NO, BABY. I WAS PRACTICING
MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
174
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:39,147
I THINK YOU'RE OVERDOING IT.
IT'S NOT GONNA SOUND FRESH.
175
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,649
RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT MY SURPRISE FACE?
176
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,022
BABY, COME ON.
177
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:46,243
LOOK, JUST SAY, "AND
THE WINNER IS...MICHAEL KYLE."
178
00:06:46,236 --> 00:06:48,286
AND THE WINNER
IS...MICHAEL KYLE.
179
00:06:48,288 --> 00:06:50,698
[ GASPING ]
180
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,871
ME?!
181
00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:54,293
ME?!
182
00:06:54,294 --> 00:06:56,304
WHAT DO YOU THINK --
DID YOU SEE THE LIP TREMBLE?
183
00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:58,376
I SAW IT TREMBLE.
YEAH, I SAW IT TREMBLE.
184
00:06:58,378 --> 00:06:59,708
I DON'T LOOK DISTINGUISHED.
185
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:03,090
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TAKE
A MARKER AND COLOR MY HEAD?
186
00:07:03,093 --> 00:07:05,103
WHY? SO YOU CAN LOOK
LIKE SHERMAN HEMSLEY?
187
00:07:05,095 --> 00:07:07,095
YOU'RE RIGHT. THEN I'D
HAVE TO CHANGE MY WALK.
188
00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:09,427
[ Imitating Sherman Hemsley ]
HEY, COME HERE, WEEZY.
189
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,849
LOOK, I'M JUST GONNA BUFF
MY HEAD, THEN I'LL BE READY.
190
00:07:11,852 --> 00:07:13,222
MICHAEL, COME ON,
HURRY UP.
191
00:07:13,223 --> 00:07:13,973
I NEED A LITTLE SPIT, BABY.
192
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:16,154
NO. EW.
GET OUT OF HERE.
193
00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:17,646
A SNEEZE?
194
00:07:17,648 --> 00:07:18,818
EW. COME ON.
195
00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:20,319
FINE. [ SPITS ]
196
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,690
EW. THAT WAS...
197
00:07:23,654 --> 00:07:26,534
OKAY, NOW I CAN'T DECIDE
WHAT SUIT I'M GONNA WEAR.
198
00:07:26,527 --> 00:07:28,827
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
WEAR THE BLACK SUIT.
199
00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,869
BLACK ON BLACK
IS SO BORING.
200
00:07:30,871 --> 00:07:33,161
BABY, COME ON, NOW.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE?
201
00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:37,173
THE CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE BROWN,
THAT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.
202
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:38,627
BROWN ON BROWN?
203
00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:40,999
WHAT DO YOU WANT -- ME TO
BLEND INTO THE WOODWORK?
204
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:44,171
JAY, IT'S MY BIG NIGHT.
I WANT TO POP -- POP!
205
00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,854
IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP,
I'M GONNA POP YOU.
206
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:48,297
BABY, COME ON.
207
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:49,718
IF YOU DON'T GET DRESSED
RIGHT NOW,
208
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,390
I'M GONNA DRAG YOU DOWN TO
THAT CEREMONY BUCK NAKED,
209
00:07:52,392 --> 00:07:53,552
AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO WIN
210
00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:55,234
THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN AWARD
BUCK NAKED.
211
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,305
ESPECIALLY WITH ALL
THE AIR-CONDITIONING.
212
00:07:57,307 --> 00:07:58,477
THANK YOU.
213
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,898
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
214
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:03,061
WHAT, CLAIRE?
WHAT HAPPENED?
215
00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:05,203
I JUST PUT ON
SOME OF YOUR EYELINER,
216
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,865
THEN WITHIN MINUTES,
I STARTED ITCHING, THEN THIS.
217
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:10,198
THERE'S CHARCOAL IN THAT
EYELINER, CLAIRE.
218
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,410
YOU'RE ALLERGIC.
219
00:08:11,411 --> 00:08:13,411
SEE, THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU GET.
GOOD FOR YOU.
220
00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,213
WHEN I TELL YOU TO STAY OUT
OF MY MAKEUP BAG,
221
00:08:15,205 --> 00:08:16,535
I MEAN STAY OUT.
222
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,957
GOOD FOR ME?
GOOD FOR YOU.
223
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,538
I BET YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY
SYMPATHY FOR SNOW WHITE
224
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,541
WHEN SHE BIT THAT POISONED
APPLE, EITHER.
225
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,963
I GUESS IT WAS ALL HER FAULT.
226
00:08:23,964 --> 00:08:25,634
"IF ONLY SHE HADN'T
BEEN SO GREEDY."
227
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:28,506
THAT'S RIGHT.
228
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,588
HEY...YOU LOOK LIKE A FROG.
229
00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:33,262
I KNOW.
230
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,443
WELL, OBVIOUSLY, I CAN'T GO
TO YOUR AWARDS CEREMONY.
231
00:08:36,436 --> 00:08:38,436
I'M REALLY SORRY
I'M GONNA MISS IT, DAD.
232
00:08:38,438 --> 00:08:39,898
YOU ARE GOING, KERMIT.
233
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,690
[ As Kermit the Frog ]
AND YOU WILL BE RIBBETED.
[riveted]
234
00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:44,233
DAD!
235
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,454
OKAY, I'M SORRY, BUT CAN
YOU DO ME THIS ONE FAVOR?
236
00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:47,606
CAN YOU JUST SAY...
237
00:08:47,608 --> 00:08:49,648
♪ HELLO, MY BABY,
HELLO, MY HONEY ♪
238
00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:51,650
♪ HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL ♪
239
00:08:51,652 --> 00:08:52,822
DAD!
240
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:54,453
♪ HELLO, MY BABY,
HELLO, MY HONEY ♪
241
00:08:54,454 --> 00:08:58,334
♪ HELLO, MY RAGTIME
GA-A-A-A-L ♪
242
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,659
I'LL GO GET DRESSED.
YEAH, YOU DO THAT.
243
00:09:02,332 --> 00:09:06,222
I FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IN HERE
KNOWS I WON.
244
00:09:08,128 --> 00:09:10,128
HEY, YOU ENJOYING
THAT, CLAIRE?
245
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,970
YEAH, IT'S GOOD.
WHAT IS IT?
246
00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:13,842
MY DESSERT.
GET OUT OF HERE.
247
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:16,024
OKAY, PICTURE TIME.
EVERYBODY SMILE.
248
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:18,436
OKAY.
HEY, KADY, WAKE UP.
249
00:09:18,438 --> 00:09:21,888
IT'S TIME FOR THE SMALL
BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR'S
FAMILY PORTRAIT.
250
00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:22,942
THIS IS GREAT.
251
00:09:22,943 --> 00:09:26,153
COULD YOU TAKE
YOUR GLASSES OFF, HONEY?
252
00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:28,486
COULD YOU PUT YOUR GLASSES
ON, HONEY?
253
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:29,898
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
254
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,610
ALL RIGHT,
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT.
255
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:32,532
THANKS. DID YOU SEE THAT?
256
00:09:32,532 --> 00:09:34,532
DID YOU SEE HOW HE CAME
OVER HERE FIRST, JAY?
257
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:38,794
IT'S ALL PART
OF THE GAME, JACK.
258
00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:42,119
OH, HE'S ABOUT TO MAKE
THE AWARD ANNOUNCEMENT.
259
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,802
FOR 10 YEARS, THE SMALL
BUSINESSMAN ASSOCIATION
260
00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:46,795
HAS BEEN GIVING THIS AWARD
261
00:09:46,797 --> 00:09:49,507
TO PEOPLE OF HONOR AND
DISTINCTION.
262
00:09:49,509 --> 00:09:51,509
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
263
00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:54,551
YOU HEAR THAT?
A MAN OF DISTINCTION.
264
00:09:54,554 --> 00:09:57,484
A PERSON WHOSE HARD WORK
AND PERSEVERANCE
265
00:09:57,477 --> 00:10:00,427
HAS RESULTED IN OUTSTANDING
CONTRIBUTIONS
266
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:02,680
IN THE SMALL-BUSINESS
COMMUNITY.
267
00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:05,153
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
268
00:10:05,145 --> 00:10:07,935
THIS IS SO BLATANT,
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
269
00:10:07,938 --> 00:10:09,938
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
270
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:12,530
THIS YEAR'S AWARD
GOES TO...
271
00:10:12,532 --> 00:10:15,912
WATCH HOW I MILK
THE SURPRISED LOOK.
272
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:16,996
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
273
00:10:16,997 --> 00:10:18,787
MICHAEL...
274
00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:19,909
AHH!
275
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,240
...KELLER.
276
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:22,621
OH, BABY!
277
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,752
OOH!
278
00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:28,917
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
279
00:10:31,511 --> 00:10:33,211
GO ON!
280
00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:36,393
THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED.
I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
281
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,676
JUST "CONGRATULATIONS"
IS ENOUGH, SANTA.
282
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,179
UH, MICHAEL...
283
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,720
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU --
YOU HAD YOUR TURN TO SHINE, MAN.
284
00:10:42,723 --> 00:10:43,973
LET ME SHINE.
285
00:10:43,974 --> 00:10:46,034
UH...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
286
00:10:46,026 --> 00:10:49,186
FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN,
LEND ME -- HUH?
287
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:50,939
What are you doing?
288
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,821
I'M TAKING MY AWARD.
I'M MAKING MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.
289
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:56,874
WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE WINKS?
THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG.
290
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:59,117
Michael...
WHAT?
291
00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:00,539
It's not a wink.
292
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,700
It's a facial tic,
but thanks for pointing it out.
293
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:05,633
But the award goes
to Michael Keller.
294
00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,245
I'm sorry. Michael Keller.
295
00:11:07,247 --> 00:11:08,707
OH.
296
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,629
[ CHUCKLES ]
297
00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:15,101
THERE YOU GO, COLONEL.
298
00:11:15,095 --> 00:11:17,845
[ CHUCKLING ]
I WAS JUST KIDDING, ANYWAY.
299
00:11:17,848 --> 00:11:19,638
I WAS JUST PLAYING AROUND,
300
00:11:19,639 --> 00:11:22,429
JUST TRYING TO ADD
SOME LEVITY TO, UH --
301
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,732
CLAIRE,
GIVE ME THEM GLASSES.
302
00:11:25,806 --> 00:11:28,186
MEET ME IN THE CAR.
303
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,570
THIS WAS THE MOST EMBARRASSING
NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
304
00:11:32,572 --> 00:11:34,572
CLAIRE...WILL YOU
JUST SHUT UP, CLAIRE?
305
00:11:34,574 --> 00:11:37,244
WHAT COULD BE MORE EMBARRASSING
THAN BEING WITH YOU,
306
00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:38,947
EYES WIDE SHUT?
307
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,529
YEAH, MAYBE YOU CAN PUT
SOME EYELINER ON YOUR CHEST
308
00:11:41,531 --> 00:11:43,161
AND PUFF THEM UP SOME, TOO.
309
00:11:43,163 --> 00:11:45,293
DIE! [ GROWLS ]
310
00:11:45,285 --> 00:11:47,035
PUT SOME ICE ON THOSE EYES!
311
00:11:47,037 --> 00:11:50,287
AND, YOU, GO HELP YOUR SISTER
GET READY FOR BED.
312
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:52,090
[ EXHALES SLOWLY ]
313
00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:54,672
HEY.
314
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:58,054
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS.
YOU OKAY?
315
00:11:58,048 --> 00:11:59,468
OF COURSE I'M ALL RIGHT.
316
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:03,391
REALLY?
317
00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:05,903
YEAH, IT'S JUST
A SILLY AWARD, JAY.
318
00:12:05,896 --> 00:12:08,306
I MEAN, I NEVER BELIEVED IN
THAT KIND OF STUFF, ANYWAY.
319
00:12:08,308 --> 00:12:09,398
THAT'S DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
320
00:12:09,399 --> 00:12:10,849
YOU GIVE ONE GUY AN AWARD
321
00:12:10,851 --> 00:12:13,061
TO MAKE HIM THINK HE'S BIGGER
THAN THE OTHER GUY.
322
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:15,073
I DON'T NEED THAT
TO VALIDATE ME.
323
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:17,025
I KNOW...WHO I AM.
324
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,317
I'M MICHAEL KELLER.
325
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,120
I MEAN, KYLE.
326
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:23,952
AND BESIDES, WHO CARES
327
00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:27,374
ABOUT A "SMALL BUSINESSMAN
AWARD," ANYWAY?
328
00:12:33,373 --> 00:12:34,713
YEAH!
329
00:12:34,714 --> 00:12:36,184
[ CHEERING ]
330
00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:38,216
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
331
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:39,758
WE'RE JUST CONGRATULATING
332
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,219
THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN
OF THE YEAR.
333
00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,432
WHERE'S THE PLAQUE?
WHERE'S THE PLAQUE?
334
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:47,604
THE STUPID THING'S
DOWN AT THE DRY CLEANER'S.
335
00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:49,647
DANG,
YOU STAINED THE PLAQUE?
336
00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:53,519
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN PARTYING
HARD LAST NIGHT, BABY.
337
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:56,113
WELL, ACTUALLY,
THE DRY CLEANER WON IT.
338
00:12:56,106 --> 00:12:57,356
WHAT?
339
00:12:57,357 --> 00:12:58,947
BUT YOU SAID
YOU ALREADY WON IT.
340
00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:01,319
YEAH, WELL,
I WAS MISINFORMED.
341
00:13:01,321 --> 00:13:04,831
JEEZ, YOU MUST FEEL
LIKE A REAL IDIOT.
342
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:08,205
WELL, ACTUALLY,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
343
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,538
I MEAN, IN FRONT OF THE KIDS
AND EVERYTHING.
344
00:13:12,122 --> 00:13:15,382
TO THINK I USED TO
RESPECT YOU.
345
00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:19,587
LOOK, FELLAS, WHY DON'T YOU
ALL GO BACK TO WORK?
346
00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:21,049
YOU KNOW WHAT?
347
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,681
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE
SMALL BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR.
348
00:13:23,683 --> 00:13:26,023
BUT CHECK THIS OUT -- YOU KNOW
WHAT'D MAKE THIS ALL BETTER?
349
00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:28,096
IF WE TAKE A 4-DAY WEEKEND
350
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,638
AND GET AN EMPEROR'S PACKAGE
AT ATLANTIC CITY.
351
00:13:31,641 --> 00:13:33,731
YEAH, LET ME TRY
TO SET THAT UP.
352
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:36,533
FOR REAL?
NO.
353
00:13:36,526 --> 00:13:37,776
GO BACK TO WORK.
354
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,651
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
355
00:13:42,652 --> 00:13:44,442
SO...YOU OKAY, BOSS?
356
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,504
R.J., I SAID I WAS FINE,
ALL RIGHT?
357
00:13:46,496 --> 00:13:48,446
WHY WOULDN'T I BE FINE?
358
00:13:48,448 --> 00:13:50,498
WELL, WHEN I WAS
BRAGGING AND BOASTING
359
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,120
ABOUT HAVING
THIS HUGE RECORD DEAL,
360
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,593
SAID I WAS GONNA MAKE IT,
AND ENDED UP HERE,
361
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,045
MY WORLD FELL APART.
362
00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:59,167
AND WHENEVER
I HEARD PEOPLE LAUGHING,
363
00:13:59,169 --> 00:14:01,379
I THOUGHT THEY
WERE LAUGHING AT ME.
364
00:14:01,381 --> 00:14:04,511
YEAH, WELL, I'M FINE.
THANK YOU.
365
00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:05,774
OKAY.
366
00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:09,967
[ DOOR OPENS ]
367
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,600
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
368
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,642
[ LAUGHTER ]
369
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,570
[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]
370
00:14:26,536 --> 00:14:28,486
[ LAUGHTER RESUMES ]
371
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:29,908
[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]
372
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,582
[ LAUGHTER RESUMES, STOPS ]
373
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:37,496
[ LAUGHTER ]
374
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,590
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
375
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,132
NOTHING.
376
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,354
COME ON. I LIKE COMEDY.
FILL ME IN. WHAT'S THE JOKE?
377
00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:49,927
OH, KADY
JUST SWALLOWED A BUG.
378
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,310
[ LAUGHING ]
YEAH, RIGHT.
379
00:14:52,312 --> 00:14:54,512
YOU THINK I'M GONNA FALL
FOR THAT BOGUS STORY?
380
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:56,524
YOU WERE LAUGHING AT ME,
WEREN'T YOU?
381
00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:58,396
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
382
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,148
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY INNOCENT?
JAY, I KNOW.
383
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,980
YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.
YOU GUYS LAUGH IT UP.
384
00:15:02,983 --> 00:15:05,453
YOU KNOW, LAUGH IT UP.
I'LL BE UPSTAIRS, TAKING A NAP.
385
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:07,445
BABY, WE WEREN'T
LAUGHING AT YOU.
386
00:15:07,447 --> 00:15:09,987
YEAH...RIGHT.
387
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,415
[ LAUGHTER ]
388
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,206
[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]
389
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,299
[ LAUGHTER RESUMES ]
390
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:23,711
[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]
391
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:27,143
[ LAUGHTER RESUMES ]
392
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:29,047
[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]
393
00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:32,639
MOM, CAN WE TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
394
00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:33,892
YEAH, SURE. WHAT'S UP?
395
00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:36,233
WE'RE STARTING TO
REALLY WORRY ABOUT DAD.
396
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,646
YEAH, WE'VE NEVER SEEN HIM
DOWN LIKE THIS BEFORE.
397
00:15:38,648 --> 00:15:40,358
HE'S BEEN LAYING
IN BED ALL DAY.
398
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,320
HE'S ACTING LIKE
HE LOST HIS BEST FRIEND.
399
00:15:42,322 --> 00:15:44,772
YEAH, I DON'T LIKE SEEING
MY DAD SO SAD.
400
00:15:44,774 --> 00:15:47,954
HE DIDN'T EVEN LAUGH
WHEN I SWALLOWED THE BUG.
401
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,027
YEAH, YOU GUYS, I'VE BEEN
WORRIED ABOUT HIM, TOO.
402
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:51,830
BUT NOT WINNING THAT AWARD
WAS LIKE SAYING
403
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:54,201
ALL OF HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS
UP UNTIL NOW MEANT NOTHING.
404
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,464
HE FEELS UNAPPRECIATED.
405
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,575
WE APPRECIATE HIM.
406
00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:59,247
OF COURSE WE DO.
407
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,579
HOW DO YOU SHOW IT?
408
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,580
WELL, FOR STARTERS,
WE LET HIM GIVE US ALLOWANCE.
409
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:04,843
MM-HMM.
410
00:16:04,844 --> 00:16:06,594
CLAIRE, LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
411
00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:08,046
IF YOU WERE MORE FLEXIBLE,
412
00:16:08,048 --> 00:16:11,008
YOU'D PROBABLY BEND OVER
AND KISS YOUR OWN BEHIND.
413
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,091
I KNOW I'D KISS MINE...
414
00:16:13,093 --> 00:16:15,863
[ CHUCKLES ]
COUPLE TIMES.
415
00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:17,765
YOU'RE A VERY ODD CHILD.
416
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,770
LISTEN, TAKING MONEY
FROM YOUR FATHER
417
00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:25,492
DOES NOT CONSTITUTE
SHOWING APPRECIATION.
418
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,025
OH, NICE EARRINGS.
419
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,657
OH, THANK YOU. YOUR DADDY GOT --
DON'T BE SMART.
420
00:16:29,659 --> 00:16:31,779
LOOK, MOM, WE DON'T HAVE
TO SHOW IT.
421
00:16:31,781 --> 00:16:34,161
WE'RE CHILDREN.
PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW.
422
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:35,294
YEAH.
423
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:36,455
DUH.
424
00:16:36,456 --> 00:16:39,746
WELL, THAT'S
WHERE YOU'RE ALL WRONG.
425
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,039
PARENTS DON'T KNOW
UNLESS YOU TELL US.
426
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,502
DUH.
427
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,133
THINK ABOUT THAT.
428
00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:50,588
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
429
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,630
OH, THIS IS THE STORY
OF MY LIFE, JAY.
430
00:16:52,632 --> 00:16:54,262
IT'S ABOUT A CHRONIC LOSER.
431
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,604
CHARLIE BROWN?
432
00:16:55,595 --> 00:16:58,225
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I JUST
FIGURED OUT WHAT THEY'RE SAYING
433
00:16:58,228 --> 00:17:01,438
WHEN THEY GO, "WAAA-WAA WA-WAA
WAA WAA WAA WAAAA."
434
00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:04,811
THEY'RE SAYING, "MICHAEL KYLE'S
A BIG, FAT LOSER."
435
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:06,824
ALL RIGHT,
YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHAEL?
436
00:17:06,816 --> 00:17:08,856
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
THE MOURNING PERIOD IS OVER.
437
00:17:08,858 --> 00:17:11,698
YOU NEED TO PUT ON SOME SWEATS
AND COME DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW.
438
00:17:11,701 --> 00:17:13,651
I'M FINE RIGHT HERE.
439
00:17:13,653 --> 00:17:15,873
NO, MICHAEL, YOU ARE NOT FINE,
AND NEITHER ARE WE.
440
00:17:15,865 --> 00:17:17,865
WE ARE ALL SUFFERING HERE,
AND IT'S NOT FAIR.
441
00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:20,287
THE KIDS MISS YOU, AND WE HAVE
SOMETHING WE WANT TO SHOW YOU,
442
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,830
SO COME ON, GET UP.
443
00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,041
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
444
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,542
I AM PUTTING
YOUR ROBE ON YOU.
445
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,884
I WILL CARRY YOU DOWN
THOSE STAIRS IF I HAVE TO,
446
00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,716
AND YOU KNOW I CAN DO IT,
SO LET'S GO.
447
00:17:28,718 --> 00:17:32,088
OKAY, BUT...
I WILL DO IT MYSELF.
448
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,732
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
449
00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:38,885
IT'S AN AWARD CEREMONY FOR
SOMEBODY REALLY, REALLY SPECIAL.
450
00:17:38,888 --> 00:17:40,768
AND YOU
ARE THE GUEST OF HONOR.
451
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:44,560
YOU ALL DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS
JUST TO CHEER ME UP.
452
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,494
WE KNOW WE DIDN'T
HAVE TO DO THIS.
453
00:17:46,486 --> 00:17:48,026
WE WANTED TO, DAD.
454
00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:50,067
GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
455
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,609
AND WELCOME TO OUR FATHER
OF THE YEAR CEREMONY.
456
00:17:52,612 --> 00:17:55,202
TONIGHT, WE PAY TRIBUTE
TO A VERY SPECIAL MAN --
457
00:17:55,195 --> 00:17:57,575
MY FATHER,
MR. MICHAEL KYLE.
458
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,747
DAD, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M PROUD AND PRIVILEGED
459
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,370
TO BE THE NAMESAKE
460
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:05,002
OF THE MAN I MOST ADMIRE
AND RESPECT IN THIS WORLD.
461
00:18:05,004 --> 00:18:07,974
AND YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
WITH LOVE AND GOOD COUNSEL,
462
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,967
NO MATTER HOW BADLY
I MESS UP,
463
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:12,169
AND I DO MESS UP BADLY
SOMETIMES,
464
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:14,512
LIKE THE TIME I PUT GLUE
ON YOUR TOILET SEAT,
465
00:18:14,514 --> 00:18:16,144
OR THE TIME I GOT
THE CAT DRUNK.
466
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:19,176
OR THE TIME I GLUED THE CAT
TO THE TOILET SEAT.
467
00:18:19,179 --> 00:18:20,599
COME ON, BOY.
468
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,270
HERE'S THE THING, DAD --
469
00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:25,402
IF I COULD GROW UP TO BE EVEN
HALF THE MAN YOU ARE,
470
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:28,105
WELL, THAT'D MAKE ME
JUST OVER 3 FEET TALL.
471
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,647
[ LAUGHING ]
472
00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:33,322
NO?
473
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,363
NO.
474
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,704
NO? OKAY.
475
00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:38,285
SERIOUSLY, DAD, I WOULD
CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY
476
00:18:38,288 --> 00:18:40,118
TO BE EVEN HALF THE MAN
YOU ARE.
477
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,739
YOU'RE NOT ONLY MY DAD,
BUT YOU'RE MY HERO.
478
00:18:43,743 --> 00:18:46,593
THANK YOU, SON.
I'M TOUCHED.
479
00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:49,126
DAD, I MAY NOT BE
THE DEEPEST GIRL ON EARTH,
480
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,628
BUT I'M DEEP ENOUGH TO KNOW
WHEN SOMEONE MAKES ME LOOK GOOD.
481
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,921
AND I KNOW
I MAY SEEM SELFISH,
482
00:18:53,923 --> 00:18:56,433
BUT I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING
IN THE WORLD
483
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,556
YOU WOULDN'T DO
TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
484
00:18:58,558 --> 00:19:01,928
I APPRECIATE YOU, DAD,
'CAUSE YOU APPRECIATE ME.
485
00:19:01,931 --> 00:19:03,101
THANK YOU.
486
00:19:03,102 --> 00:19:05,572
THAT WAS VERY SWEET,
CLAIRE.
487
00:19:05,565 --> 00:19:08,815
DADDY, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME
FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS.
488
00:19:08,818 --> 00:19:10,898
AND LIKE I'VE ALWAYS SAID,
489
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:14,110
"WHEN I GROW UP,
I'M GONNA MARRY YOU."
490
00:19:14,113 --> 00:19:15,663
I LOVE YOU, DADDY.
491
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,735
I LOVE YOU, TOO, MUNCHKIN.
492
00:19:17,737 --> 00:19:19,077
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
493
00:19:19,078 --> 00:19:21,198
MICHAEL, REMEMBER
BACK IN THE DAY,
494
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,871
WHEN WE WERE STRUGGLING --
495
00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:24,872
SOMETIMES,
WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
496
00:19:24,874 --> 00:19:27,054
WHERE OUR NEXT MEAL
WAS GONNA COME FROM?
497
00:19:27,046 --> 00:19:28,746
BUT I NEVER PANICKED
498
00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:31,048
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SAID THINGS
WERE GONNA WORK OUT,
499
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,550
AND THEY ALWAYS DID.
500
00:19:32,552 --> 00:19:34,052
I HAD FAITH IN YOU
501
00:19:34,053 --> 00:19:36,603
SINCE THE DAY
YOU QUIT YOUR FAST-FOOD JOB,
502
00:19:36,596 --> 00:19:39,716
RENTED YOUR FIRST TRUCK, AND
STARTED YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
503
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:42,559
CLAIRE WAS BORN IN THE BACK
OF THAT TRUCK.
504
00:19:42,562 --> 00:19:43,852
YEAH.
505
00:19:43,853 --> 00:19:46,773
IT WAS TOUGH, BUT WE ALSO
HAD SOME GOOD TIMES.
506
00:19:46,766 --> 00:19:48,266
MY POINT IS,
507
00:19:48,268 --> 00:19:50,978
WE MAY NOT ALWAYS SHOW YOU
HOW WE APPRECIATE YOU,
508
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:53,570
BUT, BABY, WE REALLY DO
APPRECIATE YOU.
509
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:56,123
AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THANK YOU.
510
00:19:56,115 --> 00:19:58,735
THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING TO SHARE
THIS JOURNEY WITH ME.
511
00:19:58,738 --> 00:20:02,368
YOU'RE NOT ONLY
THE MAN OF THE YEAR,
512
00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:04,872
[ Voice breaking ]
YOU'RE THE MAN OF MY LIFE.
513
00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:08,826
AND ON BEHALF OF ALL OF US,
514
00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:12,878
WE'D LIKE TO PRESENT THE AWARD
FOR FATHER OF THE YEAR
515
00:20:12,882 --> 00:20:13,922
TO MR. MICHAEL KYLE.
516
00:20:13,923 --> 00:20:15,933
COME ON, DAD, SPEECH!
517
00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:18,045
All: SPEECH! SPEECH!
518
00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:27,305
[ SIGHS ]
519
00:20:27,307 --> 00:20:28,727
[ SNIFFLES ]
520
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,688
FRIENDS,
ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN...
521
00:20:32,692 --> 00:20:34,192
NO, SERIOUSLY,
522
00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:39,283
THIS IS...THE NICEST THING
ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME.
523
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,279
AND...
524
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,571
THIS IS MORE MEANINGFUL
AND MORE IMPORTANT
525
00:20:43,573 --> 00:20:45,543
THAN ANY AWARD
COULD HAVE EVER BEEN.
526
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,575
AND I WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS
FOR REMINDING ME
527
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:50,918
WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
IN MY LIFE.
528
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,960
IT'S THE LOVE AND RESPECT
OF MY WIFE AND KIDS.
529
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,215
I LOVE ALL OF YOU ALL.
530
00:20:57,216 --> 00:20:58,676
WE LOVE YOU, TOO.
531
00:20:58,678 --> 00:21:00,378
WE LOVE YOU, TOO, DADDY.
532
00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:02,140
[ SMOOCHING ]
533
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:08,766
JAY, JAY, I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
534
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,228
THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN OF THE
YEAR AWARD -- IT'S MINE!
535
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,390
WHOA, SETTLE DOWN.
YOU WERE JUST NOMINATED.
536
00:21:13,393 --> 00:21:15,703
NO, NO, I JUST HAD W--
W--
537
00:21:15,695 --> 00:21:18,195
NO, NO, I JUST HAD GOLF --
538
00:21:18,197 --> 00:21:20,487
NO, NO.
539
00:21:22,862 --> 00:21:25,282
YEAH, I JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT
"WAA WAAA WAA-WAA WAA" MEANS.
540
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,714
IT MEANS --
[ LAUGHING ]
37091
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