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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,882 --> 00:00:03,882 IT'S ME AND YOU, BABY. 2 00:00:03,884 --> 00:00:04,844 YEAH. 3 00:00:04,835 --> 00:00:07,255 I KNOW YOU GOT THE TRIANGLE OFFENSE 4 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:10,888 SO I'M GONNA TAP THAT SIDE, TAP THAT SIDE. 5 00:00:10,891 --> 00:00:13,471 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOIN' STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. 6 00:00:13,474 --> 00:00:14,694 HEH HEH HEH. 7 00:00:14,685 --> 00:00:16,135 DADA, DADA! 8 00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:18,897 I GOT ANOTHER JOKEY-POO FOR YOU. 9 00:00:18,899 --> 00:00:21,019 ANOTHER ONE? WOW, THAT'S FIVE IN A ROW. 10 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,351 YEP. WANNA HEAR IT? 11 00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:23,693 MM-HMM. 12 00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:24,994 KNOCK-KNOCK. 13 00:00:24,985 --> 00:00:27,905 OKAY. WHO'S THERE AGAIN? 14 00:00:27,908 --> 00:00:28,988 ORANGE. 15 00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:31,069 ORANGE WHO AGAIN? 16 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:33,532 ORANGE YOU GLAD I'M YOUR DAUGHTER? 17 00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:38,455 APPLEY, I'M VERY GRAPE-FUL. 18 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,870 OKAY. I'LL GO THINK OF ANOTHER ONE. 19 00:00:41,872 --> 00:00:43,662 OH, WOULD YOU, PLEASE? 20 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,875 HEY, I WAS GONNA EAT THAT! 21 00:00:46,877 --> 00:00:47,927 TOO LATE. 22 00:00:47,928 --> 00:00:49,798 GIVE IT BACK TO ME, YOU IDIOT! 23 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:50,800 OKAY. 24 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:52,842 HERE YOU GO. 25 00:00:52,843 --> 00:00:55,443 EWW! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE A 2 YEAR OLD? 26 00:00:55,436 --> 00:00:56,886 YOU'RE THE ONE PLAYING WITH DOLLS. 27 00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:58,177 YEAH, FOR SCHOOL. 28 00:00:58,179 --> 00:00:59,889 THIS IS THE COMPUTERIZED BABY I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF, 29 00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:01,560 OR ELSE I'LL FLUNK MY PARENTING CLASS. 30 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,562 OH, AND YOU'RE WEARING YOUR BIG SOCKS TODAY. 31 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,694 YOU GOING TO BREASTFEED? HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 32 00:01:06,687 --> 00:01:07,687 OOH! 33 00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:13,279 FINALLY... SOME PEACE AND QUIET. 34 00:01:13,284 --> 00:01:14,504 MICHAEL! 35 00:01:14,495 --> 00:01:15,905 OH. HEY, BABY. 36 00:01:15,906 --> 00:01:17,286 CAN YOU MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL 37 00:01:17,288 --> 00:01:19,078 AND HELP ME WITH THIS LAUNDRY, PLEASE? 38 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,079 NO! I'M TRYING TO BE ALONE, JAY. 39 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:26,134 I WANT TO BE BY MYSELF, IN MY HOUSE, 40 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:30,587 WITH NO ONE ELSE AROUND -- SOLO CONCERTO. 41 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,511 OH, YES, I'VE HAD THAT DREAM MYSELF. 42 00:01:32,513 --> 00:01:34,813 YEAH, BUT I WANNA MAKE MINE A REALITY. 43 00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:37,175 YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS ALONE? 44 00:01:37,178 --> 00:01:40,018 I WOULD SIT DOWN WITH A NICE HOT CUP OF TEA, 45 00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:42,810 SOME MILANO COOKIES, AND READ A BOOK. 46 00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,103 WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 47 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,114 ME? 48 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,105 YES. 49 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,526 I'D BE BUTT NAKED... 50 00:01:48,529 --> 00:01:50,939 THEN I'D DO JUMPING JACKS, 51 00:01:50,941 --> 00:01:52,901 JUST TO MAKE THAT LITTLE SOUND I LIKE TO MAKE. 52 00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,543 YOU ARE SO RIDICULOUS. 53 00:01:54,535 --> 00:01:56,735 AND THEN I'D TURN ON THE GAME, 54 00:01:56,737 --> 00:01:59,117 I'D PUT ON SOME OF YOUR LEE PRESS-ON NAILS, 55 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,539 AND JUST SCRATCH... SCRATCH AND WATCH THE GAME. 56 00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,963 SCRATCH, WATCH THE GAME... SCRATCH... 57 00:02:04,955 --> 00:02:06,915 HA HA! OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA -- 58 00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:08,127 WAIT. THERE'S MORE? 59 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,351 THEN I SWITCH THE NAILS TO THE OTHER SIDE... 60 00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:17,675 SCRATCH MYSELF. 61 00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:20,928 HA HA. OKAY, LOOK, I CAN MAKE THIS A REALITY. 62 00:02:20,931 --> 00:02:22,141 YOU CAN? HOW? 63 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,642 YES. YOU WANT TO MAKE A DEAL? 64 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:27,034 THE KIDS AND I WILL CLEAR THE HOUSE ONE NIGHT A MONTH 65 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:29,477 IF YOU PROMISE TO DO THE SAME FOR ME. 66 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,900 DEAL. ALL RIGHT! 67 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,901 GET OUT! 68 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,032 RIGHT NOW? 69 00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,743 YES. I WANT TO DO THIS NOW. 70 00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:36,325 I GOT A SIX-PACK IN THE REFRIGE, 71 00:02:36,327 --> 00:02:37,777 THE GAME IS COMING ON, 72 00:02:37,778 --> 00:02:39,578 AND I GOT AN ITCH I GOTTA SCRATCH. 73 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:40,990 YOU ARE SO RIDICULOUS. 74 00:02:40,991 --> 00:02:42,371 GOT AN ITCH I'M GONNA SCRATCH. 75 00:02:42,373 --> 00:02:43,783 GOT AN ITCH, GONNA SCRATCH... 76 00:02:43,784 --> 00:02:45,794 FINE, FINE! NOPE, CAN'T DO THAT. 77 00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:47,996 YOU PROMISED TO WATCH THAT MOVIE WITH KADY TONIGHT. 78 00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:50,998 OH, MAN! I GOT TO STOP MAKING PROMISES WITH THIS GIRL 79 00:02:51,001 --> 00:02:52,251 JUST TO SHUT HER UP. 80 00:02:52,253 --> 00:02:53,253 DADA, DADA! 81 00:02:53,254 --> 00:02:55,394 I GOT ANOTHER JOKE FOR YOU. 82 00:02:55,386 --> 00:02:58,386 YOU DO? SHE'S GOT ALL THESE JOKES! 83 00:02:58,389 --> 00:02:59,799 GO AHEAD. 84 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,060 WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPING BULL? 85 00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:03,062 I DON'T KNOW. 86 00:03:03,063 --> 00:03:05,073 WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPING BULL? 87 00:03:05,065 --> 00:03:06,105 I DON'T KNOW. 88 00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:09,396 A BULL-DOZER! 89 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,400 HA HA HA. 90 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,029 SHE'S NOT CUTE ANYMORE. 91 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,660 HA HA. 92 00:03:21,662 --> 00:03:22,702 I KNOW. 93 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,673 SHE'S TURNING INTO A LITTLE CARROT TOP. 94 00:03:24,665 --> 00:03:25,665 OH, I KNOW, MICHAEL. 95 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,666 SHE USED TO REMIND ME OF A PUPPY. 96 00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:29,458 NOW SHE'S IN THAT AWKWARD STAGE 97 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,750 BETWEEN PUPPY AND DOGGY. 98 00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,291 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT. 99 00:03:32,293 --> 00:03:34,263 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT? YOU CALL IT THE RUDY STAGE. 100 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,045 REMEMBER -- "COSBY"? 101 00:03:36,046 --> 00:03:37,836 ONE DAY SHE WAS LITTLE AND CUTE, 102 00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:39,838 AND THE NEXT DAY SHE STARTED TO GROW UP 103 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,840 AND LOOKED LIKE -- LIKE COSBY! 104 00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:43,512 HA HA HA HA! 105 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,154 LOOK, WE GOT TO STOP. 106 00:03:45,145 --> 00:03:47,055 WE GOT TO BREAK OUT OF THIS CUTE STUFF. 107 00:03:47,057 --> 00:03:48,687 YOU KNOW? WE KEEP ENCOURAGING IT. 108 00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,059 THE GIRL'S ALMOST 7 YEARS OLD 109 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,610 AND SHE ACTS LIKE SHE'S 3. 110 00:03:51,612 --> 00:03:53,612 ALL KIDS GO THROUGH THAT LITTLE AWKWARD STAGE. 111 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:56,244 YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS, MICHAEL, BUT WHEN I WAS A KID, 112 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,486 I WAS A LITTLE BIT ON THE CHUBBY SIDE. 113 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,279 REALLY? 114 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,911 YEAH. 115 00:04:01,912 --> 00:04:02,952 JUST A LITTLE BIT. 116 00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:03,953 YOU SERIOUS? 117 00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:05,134 UH-HUH. 118 00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:06,825 WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED THAT. 119 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,707 OKAY, SO, I'LL WATCH THE MOVIE WITH KADY, 120 00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:11,500 BUT NOT ONE OF THEM LITTLE KID MOVIES. 121 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,502 WE'RE GOING TO WATCH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MATURE, 122 00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:14,724 HELP HER GROW UP A LITTLE BIT. 123 00:04:14,715 --> 00:04:16,045 THAT'S FINE. GOOD IDEA. 124 00:04:16,046 --> 00:04:17,426 AND LET ME GO MAKE SURE 125 00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:19,428 DUMB AND DUMBER ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE, TOO. 126 00:04:22,383 --> 00:04:23,883 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 127 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,154 HEY, BABY, WHAT YOU DOIN'? 128 00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:27,305 OH, I'M JUST STARTING THIS ESSAY I HAVE TO WRITE 129 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,098 ON WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A RESPONSIBLE MOTHER. 130 00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:30,229 OH, THAT'S GREAT! 131 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,230 [ BABY CRYING ] 132 00:04:31,231 --> 00:04:32,731 WHY IS THE BABY CRYING? 133 00:04:32,733 --> 00:04:35,163 OH, IT'S UNDER THE MATTRESS. I COULDN'T GET ANY WORK DONE. 134 00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:36,895 IT'S SO ANNOYING! 135 00:04:36,897 --> 00:04:40,607 WELL, I CAN TELL YOU'RE GOING TO BE A FABULOUS MOTHER. 136 00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:44,031 IT'S NOT A REAL BABY, DAD. IT JUST ACTS LIKE ONE. 137 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,624 YEAH, WELL, HOW DO YOU GET IT TO SHUT UP? 138 00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:47,286 OH, JUST STICK THE BINKY IN ITS MOUTH. 139 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,747 WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT INSTEAD OF THROWING IT UNDER THE BED? 140 00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:52,330 BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE STUPID BINKY. 141 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,913 WELL, LOOK, WHEN YOU'RE A PARENT, 142 00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:55,594 YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO IMPROVISE. 143 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,256 YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS DOWN IN YOUR LITTLE REPORT. 144 00:04:58,258 --> 00:04:59,628 [ Imitating Bill Cosby ] LOOK AT THAT! 145 00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:01,260 I'M A LITTLE COSBY KID! 146 00:05:01,261 --> 00:05:03,841 HEY, LOOK, I GOT A CIGAR. WAIT, TAKE A PUFF -- 147 00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:06,274 [ COUGHS ] 148 00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:08,476 AH, THAT'S SO SMOOTH! 149 00:05:11,191 --> 00:05:12,431 WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO DO WITH HER? 150 00:05:12,433 --> 00:05:13,813 OH, EVERYTHING! 151 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,784 I HAVE TO FEED IT, BURP IT, WASH IT AND CHANGE IT. 152 00:05:16,777 --> 00:05:18,567 THAT REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOU WERE A BABY. 153 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,899 I HAD TO CHANGE YOU, 154 00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,400 AND YOU WERE LIKE DEFUSING A BOMB. 155 00:05:21,402 --> 00:05:23,362 I NEVER KNEW WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO EXPLODE AGAIN. 156 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,124 SOMETIMES IT WOULD RUN OUT YOUR DIAPER 157 00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:26,245 ALL UP YOUR BACK INTO YOUR HAIR -- 158 00:05:26,246 --> 00:05:28,406 I HAVE TO GET THIS REPORT DONE. IT'S DUE TOMORROW. 159 00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:30,579 WHEN DID THEY GIVE YOU THE ASSIGNMENT? 160 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:31,831 TWO MONTHS AGO. 161 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,422 WOW. THEY MUST HAVE JUST SPRUNG IT UP ON YOU. 162 00:05:34,415 --> 00:05:36,215 WELL, LISTEN, BABY, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? 163 00:05:36,216 --> 00:05:38,256 IS THERE ANY WAY THAT YOU CAN FINISH THE REPORT 164 00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:39,378 SAY, LIKE ABOUT 7:00 165 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,260 SO I CAN BE AT HOME ALONE TONIGHT? 166 00:05:41,261 --> 00:05:43,671 I DON'T KNOW, DAD. IT'S A LOT OF WORK. 167 00:05:43,674 --> 00:05:45,684 WELL, WHAT IF YOU HAD A LITTLE INCENTIVE 168 00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,386 TO GET YOU OUT THERE -- 169 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,808 MAYBE LIKE A BRAND-NEW PAIR OF SHOES? 170 00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:52,230 OOH, WELL... 171 00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:53,232 I DON'T -- 172 00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:55,243 WHAT -- WHAT IF YOU HAD 173 00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:57,645 A NICE LITTLE TOP 174 00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,858 TO MATCH THEM BRAND-NEW SHOES? 175 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,900 WELL... 176 00:06:01,902 --> 00:06:03,902 AND -- AND HOW ABOUT -- 177 00:06:03,904 --> 00:06:06,664 HOW ABOUT IF THERE WAS A NICE SKIRT 178 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,657 THAT WENT IN BETWEEN THAT -- 179 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,119 I'LL BE OUT BY 7:00. 180 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,490 YEAH, VERY GOOD. 181 00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:15,674 HEY. 182 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,296 BOY, OPEN THIS DOOR. 183 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,378 BOY! 184 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,379 [ KNOCK KNOCK ] 185 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,262 WHAT DID I TELL YOU 186 00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:25,313 ABOUT PUTTING A CHAIR UNDERNEATH THE DOOR? 187 00:06:25,305 --> 00:06:27,305 YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DO IT AGAIN, AND I DIDN'T. 188 00:06:27,307 --> 00:06:28,887 THEN WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED? 189 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,969 BECAUSE I LOCKED IT. DUH! 190 00:06:30,971 --> 00:06:32,681 WHAT THE HECK IS THIS? 191 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,183 UH, A LOCK? 192 00:06:34,184 --> 00:06:36,114 DUH! 193 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,356 WELL, WHAT IS THE LOCK DOING ON YOUR DOOR? 194 00:06:38,358 --> 00:06:41,358 TO LOCK IT. DUH! 195 00:06:41,361 --> 00:06:44,791 YOU'RE ONE MORE "DUH" AWAY FROM HAVING A LOCKED JAW. 196 00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:46,195 LOOK, I'M SORRY, DAD. 197 00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:48,116 I PUT THE LOCK ON FOR PRIVACY. 198 00:06:48,118 --> 00:06:50,288 AND WHY DO YOU NEED PRIVACY? 199 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:51,700 I'VE BECOME A NUDIST. 200 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,122 I LIKE BEING NAKED IN MY OWN ROOM. SEE? 201 00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:55,344 AAH! 202 00:06:55,335 --> 00:06:56,495 HA HA! 203 00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,459 LOOK, DAD, LOOK. HA HA! 204 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:02,091 I'M LOOKIN'. NOTHING'S MOVIN'. 205 00:07:02,092 --> 00:07:03,462 THAT SCARES ME. 206 00:07:05,596 --> 00:07:09,506 AS DISTURBING AS THAT WAS, I UNDERSTAND THE URGE. 207 00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:14,520 SEE, I, TOO, DREAM OF BEING NAKED IN MY OWN HOUSE. 208 00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:15,355 THE WHOLE HOUSE? 209 00:07:15,355 --> 00:07:16,605 MM-HMM. 210 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:19,817 I COULDN'T EVEN IMAGINE BEING NAKED IN THE LIVING ROOM! 211 00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:22,610 THAT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE. 212 00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:23,613 YEAH. 213 00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:25,454 OH, MAN. 214 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,827 HEY, LOOK, I WANT TO MAKE THAT -- 215 00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:31,740 I WANT TO MAKE THAT A REALITY, SON. 216 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,372 OH, YOU'RE MY HERO. HOW YOU GONNA DO IT? 217 00:07:34,374 --> 00:07:35,634 BY GETTING RID OF YOU. 218 00:07:35,626 --> 00:07:37,626 I NEED YOU TO LEAVE THE HOUSE TONIGHT. 219 00:07:37,628 --> 00:07:39,628 WELL, I DID MEET THIS AWESOME GIRL -- 220 00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,040 VANESSA. HA HA. 221 00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:43,461 AND I'D LOVE TO ASK HER OUT, BUT... 222 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,463 BUT WHAT? 223 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,474 DATES COST MONEY, DAD. 224 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,466 MAN, THE COST OF BEING NAKED HAS SKYROCKETED. 225 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,090 TELL ME ABOUT IT. THAT LOCK COST ME 20 BUCKS. 226 00:07:53,093 --> 00:07:55,443 LOOK, SON, THAT'S $20 DOWN THE DRAIN, OKAY? 227 00:07:55,435 --> 00:07:57,555 BECAUSE THAT LOCK HAS TO COME OFF. 228 00:07:57,558 --> 00:07:58,598 IT'S A FIRE HAZARD. 229 00:07:58,599 --> 00:08:00,099 OH, COME ON, DAD! 230 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,980 THAT'S METAL. IT WON'T BURN. 231 00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:08,204 NO, I MEAN IF THERE WAS A FIRE IN YOUR ROOM 232 00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:11,368 AND THE DOOR WAS LOCKED, THEN YOU COULD -- 233 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,373 YOU KNOW WHAT? KEEP THE LOCK. 234 00:08:14,374 --> 00:08:16,794 KEEP THAT LOCK ON THERE. 235 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,787 KADY, YOU READY TO WATCH THE MOVIE? 236 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,209 I'M ALWAYS READY FOR "THE LITTLE MERMAID." 237 00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:22,791 WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU. 238 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,803 WE'RE NOT GOING TO WATCH "THE LITTLE MERMAID." 239 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,835 WE'RE GOING TO WATCH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MATURE. 240 00:08:26,837 --> 00:08:28,427 "THE WITTLE MERMAID II"? 241 00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:29,838 NO. 242 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,590 "THE WITTLE MERMAID III"? 243 00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:32,592 NO. 244 00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:34,093 "THE WITTLE MERMAID IV"? 245 00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:35,484 OKAY, STOP WITH THE "WITTLE." 246 00:08:35,475 --> 00:08:38,305 THERE IS NO "WITTLE" MERMAID. 247 00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:39,688 WE'RE GONNA WATCH "GREMLINS." 248 00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:41,770 "GREMLINS"? WHAT'S A GREMLIN? 249 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,852 OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE 'EM. 250 00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:45,864 THEY'RE THESE CUTE LITTLE FURRY CREATURES 251 00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:48,486 THAT ARE CUDDLY AND CUTE, KIND OF LIKE YOU... 252 00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,488 WERE. 253 00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:51,490 MICHAEL. 254 00:08:51,491 --> 00:08:53,611 YES, BABY? CAN I SEE YOU FOR A MINUTE? 255 00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:54,794 SURE. WHAT'S THE MATTER? 256 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,325 COME OVER HERE TO MY OFFICE, OKAY? 257 00:08:57,327 --> 00:08:58,917 "GREMLINS," MICHAEL? 258 00:08:58,919 --> 00:09:00,659 YEAH. WHAT'S WRONG WITH "GREMLINS"? 259 00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:02,501 WE SAID WE'RE GONNA LET HER WATCH SOMETHING 260 00:09:02,502 --> 00:09:03,502 A LITTLE MORE MATURE, RIGHT? 261 00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:05,553 YEAH, BUT NOT SCARE HER TO DEATH. 262 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,625 SHE'S GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES! 263 00:09:06,627 --> 00:09:10,627 OHH...SHE WON'T BE SCARED. 264 00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:12,051 TRUST ME. 265 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,092 [ SCREAMS ] 266 00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:14,853 WHAT? WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE. 267 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:15,885 HEY, WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? 268 00:09:15,886 --> 00:09:17,436 TURN IT OFF! I'M A-SCARED! 269 00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,057 I TOLD YOU, MICHAEL! 270 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,679 WHAT ARE YOU A-SCARED OF? 271 00:09:20,681 --> 00:09:23,021 IT'S OKAY. IT'S JUST A MOVIE. 272 00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:24,653 NO, "THE LITTLE MERMAID" IS A MOVIE. 273 00:09:24,645 --> 00:09:26,605 THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! 274 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,987 WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN HERE? 275 00:09:27,988 --> 00:09:29,778 OH, GREAT. YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID? 276 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,400 YOU WOKE THE FAKE BABY UP. 277 00:09:31,401 --> 00:09:33,571 I'M SCARED. THE GREMLINS ARE GONNA GET ME! 278 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,583 THAT'S RIGHT. SEE, THEY HIDE UNDER THE COUCH 279 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,535 AND THEN THEY BITE YOUR LEGS. 280 00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:38,787 AAH! AAH! AAH! 281 00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:39,789 HA HA HA HA! 282 00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,080 THERE GOES THE -- OW! 283 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,461 DON'T HIT JUNIOR WITH THE BABY! 284 00:09:43,463 --> 00:09:45,213 WHAT IS THIS, "THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW"? 285 00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:46,545 WILL YOU GUYS CUT IT OUT? 286 00:09:46,546 --> 00:09:48,626 KADY, LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A REAL MOVIE. 287 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,259 CAN YOU DROP ME OFF AT THE MALL? 288 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:51,630 I'M GOING TO GO PICK UP VANESSA. 289 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,012 GOOD. ALL Y'ALL GET OUT, 290 00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:55,223 SO I CAN GET NAKED AND GET MY SCRATCH ON. 291 00:09:55,215 --> 00:09:57,175 DADDY, DADDY! 292 00:09:57,177 --> 00:10:00,387 I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT THERE. I'M A-SCARED OF THE GREMLINS. 293 00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:03,060 OH, THERE AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS GREMLINS. 294 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:06,364 AAH! GREMLINS! 295 00:10:10,991 --> 00:10:13,571 KADY, THERE ARE NO GREMLINS IN THE HOUSE. 296 00:10:13,573 --> 00:10:15,583 [ BUMPS INTO PIANO ] 297 00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:18,787 WHO PUT THE PIANO THERE? 298 00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:21,159 LOOK, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE POWER COMPANY. 299 00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:23,411 ALL THE LIGHTS ARE OUT IN WESTERN CONNECTICUT. 300 00:10:23,413 --> 00:10:25,053 IT'S GREMLINS, I TELL YOU! 301 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:28,165 THEY'VE TAKEN OVER THE WHOLE, ENTIRE STATE OF CONNECT-ICUT! 302 00:10:28,168 --> 00:10:31,128 IT'S CONNET-ICUT, RUDY! 303 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,131 OKAY? AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, 304 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,143 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "PASGHETTI," 305 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,925 AND YOU'RE NOT "A-SCARED" OF GREMLINS. 306 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,098 LIKE HELL I'M NOT! 307 00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:41,219 HEY, KADY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH! 308 00:10:41,221 --> 00:10:42,891 OKAY, SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 309 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,903 HOLD ON. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? 310 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,185 VANESSA'S PARENTS WON'T LET HER COME OUT, 311 00:10:47,187 --> 00:10:49,027 SO I'M GOING SHOPPING WITH JOHN AND MIKE. 312 00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,529 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? EVERYTHING'S CLOSED. 313 00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:51,650 HMM. 314 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,901 YOU MEAN LOOTING? 315 00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:56,124 DAD, I LIKE TO CALL IT A BLACKOUT SALE. 316 00:10:56,116 --> 00:10:58,116 YOU'RE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE A BLACKOUT 317 00:10:58,118 --> 00:11:00,078 IF YOU DON'T SIT YOUR BEHIND DOWN OVER THERE. 318 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,160 OH, COME ON. CAN I PLEASE GO? 319 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,162 I SAVED UP A GOOD ONE FOR YOU. WATCH THIS ONE. 320 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,134 AH.... 321 00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:08,547 NAH. 322 00:11:08,548 --> 00:11:10,128 OH, MAN! 323 00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,170 YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN. 324 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,552 YOU NEVER LET ME SMOKE POT, 325 00:11:13,553 --> 00:11:15,183 I CAN'T HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, 326 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,175 I CAN'T JOIN A GANG, I CAN'T CARRY A GUN, 327 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,177 AND NOW WE FINALLY HAVE A BLACKOUT, 328 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,969 AND YOU WON'T LET ME GO LOOT! 329 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,561 I CAN'T WAIT TILL I TURN 30 330 00:11:22,562 --> 00:11:24,512 SO I CAN MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE! 331 00:11:24,514 --> 00:11:28,574 LOOK, IT'S NOT SAFE TO BE OUT THERE, 332 00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:31,308 AND AS MUCH AS I HATE IT, WE'RE ALL STUCK TOGETHER. 333 00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:33,111 I'M SORRY, BABY. YOUR DREAM OF NAKED BASKETBALL 334 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:34,993 IS JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. 335 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,075 Claire: OH, MY GOD! 336 00:11:36,076 --> 00:11:37,076 Jay: WHAT? WHAT? 337 00:11:41,371 --> 00:11:43,031 MY COMPUTER! 338 00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:44,583 I SPENT THE LAST FIVE HOURS FINISHING MY PAPER, 339 00:11:44,584 --> 00:11:45,884 AND NOW IT'S GONE! 340 00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,746 OH, AND -- OW! 341 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,289 WELL, DIDN'T YOU SAVE IT, CLAIRE? 342 00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:52,921 NO! AND NOW IT'S GONE, 343 00:11:52,923 --> 00:11:55,223 AND IT'S ONE OF THE BEST PAPERS I'VE EVER WRITTEN! 344 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,795 WELL, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR THAT ONE. 345 00:11:56,797 --> 00:11:59,177 [ Sobbing ] IT IS, TOO! 346 00:11:59,179 --> 00:12:01,179 CLAIRE, CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN. 347 00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:02,681 YOU CAN ALWAYS REDO IT. 348 00:12:02,682 --> 00:12:05,442 [ Squeaking ] REDO IT? REDO IT? REDO IT? 349 00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:08,185 [ Squeaking ] YES, REDO IT! REDO IT! 350 00:12:08,188 --> 00:12:10,268 BUT HOW AM I GONNA REDO IT WITH NO POWER? 351 00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,110 YOU CAN USE YOUR MOTHER'S OLD TYPEWRITER. 352 00:12:12,112 --> 00:12:13,232 HER OLD WHAT? 353 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,523 HER OLD TYPEWRITER. 354 00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:16,624 IT'S UPSTAIRS IN THE ATTIC, NEXT TO THE RECORD PLAYER. 355 00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:17,776 RECORD PLAYER? 356 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,318 THE THING THAT'S SITTING ON TOP OF THE BETAMAX, 357 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,360 BETWEEN THE CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS, 358 00:12:22,362 --> 00:12:26,042 NEXT TO THE DISCO SHOES WITH THE DEAD FISH IN THE HEELS. 359 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,036 ARE WE STILL SPEAKING ENGLISH? 360 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,288 LOOK, JUST SIT DOWN. I'LL GO GET IT, ALL RIGHT? 361 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:32,000 AND I'LL BRING DOWN SOME MORE FLASHLIGHTS. 362 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,002 I GOT ONE IN MY ROOM. I'LL GO GET IT. 363 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,715 OW! WHO PUT THAT STAIR HERE? 364 00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:40,337 HOW CAN THE BOY FALL UPSTAIRS? 365 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,430 HIS STUPIDITY DEFIES GRAVITY. 366 00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:46,064 Junior: [ Falls ] OW! 367 00:12:48,598 --> 00:12:49,808 JUNIOR! 368 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,810 WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG WITH THE FLASHLIGHT? 369 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,272 I-I CAN'T FIND IT. 370 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,273 WHY NOT? 371 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,904 'CAUSE I CAN'T SEE IT. 372 00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:56,896 WHY NOT? 373 00:12:56,897 --> 00:12:58,897 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FLASHLIGHT. 374 00:12:58,899 --> 00:13:00,279 WHAT? 375 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,700 OPEN THE DOOR. 376 00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:03,321 I CAN'T DO THAT, EITHER. 377 00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:04,283 WHY NOT? 378 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,334 I PUT THE COMBINATION LOCK ON THE DOOR, 379 00:13:06,326 --> 00:13:08,116 AND NOW I CAN'T SEE IT TO UNLOCK IT. 380 00:13:08,118 --> 00:13:09,498 WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR? 381 00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:12,709 I WANTED TO GET NAKED WHILE I LOOKED FOR THE FLASHLIGHT. 382 00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,712 CAN'T FAULT YOU FOR THAT. 383 00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:16,514 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KNOCK DOWN THE DOOR 384 00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:17,796 LIKE IN THE MOVIES. 385 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,377 NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE THE -- 386 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,220 YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, SON. 387 00:13:23,223 --> 00:13:26,063 LET ME STEP OUT THE WAY. GO AHEAD. 388 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,226 [ BAM ] 389 00:13:27,227 --> 00:13:28,347 OW! 390 00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:30,638 OH, YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. I SAW SOME MOVEMENT! 391 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,270 I THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS GO A LITTLE HARDER, 392 00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:34,643 A LITTLE HARDER. 393 00:13:34,644 --> 00:13:36,074 [ THUD ] 394 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,066 OWW! 395 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,067 OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! 396 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,238 THE HINGES ARE STARTING TO COME LOOSE. 397 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,650 THIS TIME I WANT YOU TO GO ACROSS THE ROOM, 398 00:13:42,652 --> 00:13:44,442 GIVE YOURSELF A GOOD RUNNING START, 399 00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,454 AND THEN JUST COME IN AND LEAD WITH YOUR HEAD. 400 00:13:46,446 --> 00:13:47,866 OKAY! 401 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:48,868 [ RUNNING ] 402 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,079 [ BAM ] 403 00:13:53,293 --> 00:13:54,663 JUNIOR? 404 00:13:54,664 --> 00:13:56,884 IS THAT YOU, GOD? 405 00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:05,562 I-I... SHALL I WALK INTO THE LIGHT? 406 00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:11,679 Kady: TURN THE FLASHLIGHT BACK ON, MOMMY! 407 00:14:11,681 --> 00:14:14,311 I CAN'T, KADY. THE BATTERIES ARE DEAD. 408 00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:15,694 BUT I'M A-SCARED! 409 00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:18,685 OH...ONE SECOND! 410 00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:21,478 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU WON'T BE SCARED FOR LONG 411 00:14:21,481 --> 00:14:23,481 'CAUSE LOOK -- MOMMY FOUND A CANDLE. 412 00:14:23,483 --> 00:14:25,493 CHECK THIS OUT. 413 00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:27,485 I KNEW I HAD A CANDLE IN HERE. 414 00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:30,407 SEE? AH! LET THERE BE LIGHT. 415 00:14:33,293 --> 00:14:35,343 KADY, WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT? 416 00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:38,755 IT'S A BIRTHDAY CANDLE! I'M UPPOSED TO BLOW IT OUT! 417 00:14:38,758 --> 00:14:40,378 [ Baby voice ] IT'S A BIRTHDAY CANDLE! 418 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,670 YOU'RE "UPPOSED" TO BLOW IT OUT? 419 00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,672 YOU KNOW WHAT, KADY? WATCH THIS. 420 00:14:44,674 --> 00:14:47,684 I'M GONNA LIGHT THIS THING ONE MORE TIME, 421 00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:50,927 JUST SO YOU CAN SEE THIS -- NO, LOOK AT MOMMY. 422 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,391 IT'S NOT CUTE ANYMORE! 423 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,613 MOVE IT! 424 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,647 OKAY, LOOK, I GOT SOME FLASHLIGHTS. 425 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,069 OH, THANK GOD! 426 00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:02,441 YEAH. LET THERE BE LIGHT. 427 00:15:02,442 --> 00:15:03,822 HERE YOU GO, KADY. 428 00:15:03,823 --> 00:15:06,333 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS KIND OF NICE, MICHAEL. 429 00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:07,406 YEAH. 430 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,447 I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY BETTER 431 00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:11,409 I WOULD LIKE TO BE IN THE DARK WITH. 432 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,791 MM, THAT IS SO SWEET! 433 00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,082 PEACE AND QUIET. 434 00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:15,174 YEAH. 435 00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:19,538 [ BABY CRIES ] 436 00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:21,709 OH, DANG! NOW THE BABY'S AWAKE. 437 00:15:21,711 --> 00:15:24,211 OH, AND -- OW! 438 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,676 MY FLASHLIGHT JUST WENT OUT. 439 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,508 I THINK THE BATTERY'S DEAD! 440 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:31,890 IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. 441 00:15:31,891 --> 00:15:34,391 JAY, YOU'VE GOT SOME BATTERIES UPSTAIRS, DON'T YOU? 442 00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:35,524 UPSTAIRS WHERE? 443 00:15:35,515 --> 00:15:38,015 MM...IN THE NIGHTSTAND? 444 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,860 OH, TH-THOSE ARE PROBABLY DEAD, TOO. RIGHT. 445 00:15:43,863 --> 00:15:45,123 [ BABY CRIES ] 446 00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:46,365 CLAIRE! 447 00:15:46,366 --> 00:15:48,406 WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THAT THING UP? 448 00:15:48,408 --> 00:15:51,488 LOOK, I GOT AN IDEA. HERE, GIMME. 449 00:15:51,491 --> 00:15:52,571 THERE YOU GO. 450 00:15:52,572 --> 00:15:54,202 Claire: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 451 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,504 I SHUT THE BABY UP, 452 00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:56,955 AND I GOT BATTERIES FOR THE FLASHLIGHTS. 453 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,576 YOU KILLED MY FAKE BABY! 454 00:15:58,578 --> 00:15:59,708 YOU KILLED MY FAKE BABY! 455 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,709 LOOK, CLAIRE, THE BABY HAD TO DIE 456 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,582 SO THAT WE COULD SEE. 457 00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:05,554 UHH! 458 00:16:07,427 --> 00:16:08,797 OKAY... 459 00:16:08,798 --> 00:16:11,638 SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THE REST OF OUR EVENING? 460 00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,431 WE HAVE TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT, RIGHT? 461 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:15,443 I HAVE AN IDEA. 462 00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:18,646 Michael: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, DIG IN. 463 00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:19,858 THIS IS GREAT, 464 00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,599 BUT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WERE NAKED. 465 00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:23,231 ARE YOU SURE? 466 00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:29,407 I CAN'T EAT ANY MORE OF THIS ICE CREAM. 467 00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:31,279 IT'S BYPASSING MY STOMACH AND GOING STRAIGHT TO MY THIGHS. 468 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,031 OOH, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO STUFFED IN MY LIFE. 469 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,174 NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOUR BRA FEELS. 470 00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:37,706 SHUT UP, JUNIOR! 471 00:16:37,707 --> 00:16:38,997 Michael: HEY, CALM DOWN. LISTEN. 472 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,998 WE GOT TO EAT UP ALL THIS FOOD 473 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000 BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF IT GOES TO WASTE 474 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,432 WITH ALL THE PEOPLE STARVING IN THIS WORLD. 475 00:16:45,425 --> 00:16:47,425 YEAH, BUT, DAD, EVEN IF WE ATE IT ALL, 476 00:16:47,427 --> 00:16:49,627 THEY'D STILL BE STARVING, RIGHT? 477 00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:50,969 WHY DID THAT JUST MAKE SENSE? 478 00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:53,220 I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU KEEP TRACK OF WHAT YOU'RE EATING. 479 00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:55,693 I THINK THAT KNOCKWURST IS MAKING YOU SMARTER. 480 00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:57,895 [ HOO HOO! ] 481 00:16:57,897 --> 00:16:59,017 WHAT WAS THAT? 482 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,978 THAT'S THE SOUND GREMLINS MAKE BEFORE THEY ATTACK. 483 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:02,600 MOMMY! 484 00:17:02,602 --> 00:17:04,142 HEY! 485 00:17:04,144 --> 00:17:06,704 HOO HOO! HA HA -- OW! 486 00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:08,736 OW, OW! 487 00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:11,318 DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT YOU ARE HER BIG BROTHER 488 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,111 AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER, 489 00:17:13,113 --> 00:17:14,453 NOT SCARE HER? 490 00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:15,924 YOU SHOWED HER THE MOVIE. 491 00:17:15,915 --> 00:17:18,115 YEAH, THAT WAS MY MISTAKE, BUT YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE. 492 00:17:18,118 --> 00:17:19,328 I'M SORRY, DAD. 493 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,829 OKAY. NOW DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. 494 00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,831 UNLESS IT'S REALLY, REALLY FUNNY. 495 00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:25,223 HA HA. ALL RIGHT. 496 00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:30,507 [ GRUNTING ] 497 00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:33,430 UH... GODZILLA, GODZILLA! 498 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,024 KING KONG? 499 00:17:38,678 --> 00:17:40,098 KING KONG WASHING DISHES, BOY? 500 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,560 YOU GOT IT! 501 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,562 DADDY'S TURN! 502 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,603 OKAY. HERE. 503 00:17:44,604 --> 00:17:46,654 HOLD THE LIGHT. STROBE IT. 504 00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:49,446 I WANT THAT SPECIAL EFFECT. OKAY, HERE WE GO. 505 00:17:52,652 --> 00:17:55,032 Junior: A...BREAKDANCER? 506 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:56,334 MM-MM. 507 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,157 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE? 508 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,250 All: MICHAEL JACKSON! 509 00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:05,424 [ LAUGHING ] 510 00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:07,415 BINGO! OKAY, WE'RE GONNA PLAY ANOTHER GAME. 511 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,417 WE'LL PLAY "MAKE ME LAUGH OR DIE." 512 00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:11,209 KADY, YOU GO FIRST. COME ON. 513 00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:12,881 I DON'T WANT TO PLAY. 514 00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:14,262 WHY NOT? 515 00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:17,184 'CAUSE YOU GUYS DON'T THINK I'M CUTE ANYMORE. 516 00:18:17,177 --> 00:18:19,017 OF COURSE WE THINK YOU'RE CUTE, 517 00:18:19,018 --> 00:18:20,808 EXCEPT WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO BE CUTE. 518 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:23,020 THEN NO ONE'S CUTE, WHEN THEY'RE TRYING. 519 00:18:23,022 --> 00:18:25,062 WATCH. LOOK AT THIS. 520 00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:28,194 [ Baby voice ] MY NAME IS MICHAEL KYLE, 521 00:18:28,188 --> 00:18:34,278 AND I'M ONLY THESE MANY YEARS OLD! 522 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,288 SEE HOW OBNOXIOUS THAT WAS? 523 00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:43,081 KADY, WE LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE JUST BEING YOU. 524 00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:44,582 REALLY? REALLY. 525 00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:45,594 YES. 526 00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:47,165 OKAY. I'LL GO, THEN. 527 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,167 YES! 528 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,838 YEAH. COME ON UP HERE. 529 00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:52,249 THAT'S MY BIG GIRL RIGHT THERE, BOY! 530 00:18:52,252 --> 00:18:54,212 Junior: IF YOU DON'T MAKE US LAUGH, 531 00:18:54,214 --> 00:18:56,604 YOU HAVE TO WATCH "GREMLINS" ALL BY YOURSELF. 532 00:18:56,596 --> 00:18:57,596 NO, JUNIOR! 533 00:18:57,597 --> 00:18:59,307 Kady: IT'S OKAY, MOMMY. 534 00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:01,309 IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO HANNIBAL LECTER. 535 00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:04,311 AND BESIDES, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU GUYS LAUGH! 536 00:19:04,314 --> 00:19:05,574 OKAY. WE'RE READY. 537 00:19:05,565 --> 00:19:06,565 Claire: ALL RIGHT, GIRL. 538 00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:07,896 OKAY. READY? 539 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,187 All: READY. 540 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:12,529 HOW MANY HILLBILLIES DOES IT TAKE TO EAT A POSSUM? 541 00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:15,032 Michael: I DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY HILLBILLIES DOES IT TAKE? 542 00:19:15,034 --> 00:19:18,834 TWO -- ONE TO EAT IT, ONE TO WATCH FOR CARS! 543 00:19:18,828 --> 00:19:20,198 [ ALL LAUGHING ] 544 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,950 THAT WAS CUTE. 545 00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:25,251 OHH! WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN, TOO! 546 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,045 HEY, GOT AN IDEA. 547 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,288 [ ALL CHEER ] 548 00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:33,920 OKAY, MY TURN. THIS IS A GOOD ONE. 549 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,303 HA HA! OKAY! 550 00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:38,295 HOW DID THE BUTCHER INTRODUCE HIS WIFE? 551 00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:40,218 Junior: I DON'T KNOW. HOW? 552 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,300 HE SAID, "MEET PATTY." 553 00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:48,977 CLAIRE, YOU GOT TO HURRY UP. 554 00:19:48,978 --> 00:19:51,018 YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL. 555 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:53,980 JUST ONE MORE SECOND. AND...FINISHED! 556 00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:58,083 AFTER FOUR HOURS TYPING, I FINALLY FINISHED MY PAPER! 557 00:19:58,077 --> 00:20:00,367 GREAT. WHY DIDN'T YOU GO BACK TO USING THE COMPUTER, THOUGH? 558 00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:04,450 I LIKE THIS TYPEWRITER THING. IT'S SO COOL, IT'S SO RETRO. 559 00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:07,004 I THINK THIS PAPER IS BETTER THAN THE ONE I LOST LAST NIGHT. 560 00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:08,036 WELL, GREAT! 561 00:20:08,037 --> 00:20:12,167 NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW ME HOW TO PRINT IT OUT. 562 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,428 YEAH, WELL, I'LL GO GET YOUR MOTHER 563 00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:23,050 AND SHE'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO PRINT THAT OUT. 564 00:20:23,052 --> 00:20:24,602 OKAY. 565 00:20:24,604 --> 00:20:26,024 BABY! 566 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,560 COME ON, DAD. CAN I PLEASE GO? 567 00:20:32,562 --> 00:20:34,442 I SAVED UP A SPECIAL ONE FOR THIS. 568 00:20:34,444 --> 00:20:36,074 AH... 569 00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:41,658 OW! 570 00:20:41,661 --> 00:20:44,071 WHO PUT THAT TABLE THERE? 571 00:20:44,073 --> 00:20:46,463 [ BUMPS INTO PIANO ] 572 00:20:46,456 --> 00:20:48,866 WHO PUT THE TV -- OH. 37019

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