Original subtitles

MMM, MMM, MMM. WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD TODAY?

EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP THE PAPER,

ANOTHER CHILD IS MISSING.

SEND YOUR KID OUT TO SHOOT HOOPS, HE MAY GET SHOT.

HEY, DAD.

YOU EVER NOTICED THAT THE VICTIMS OF CEREAL KILLERS [serial]

ALWAYS END UP ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON?

YEAH.

AND WHAT DO YOU EAT MILK WITH? CEREAL?

EXACTLY.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING.

I KNOW I AM!

YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT PANCAKE KILLERS

OR BACON KILLERS OR OATMEAL KILLERS.

IT'S ALWAYS THE "CEREAL" KILLERS.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU POKE ME ONE MORE TIME,

THAT'S GONNA BE YOUR PICTURE.

OH. SORRY.

EXACTLY.

OH. THIS IS CRAZY.

BABE, YOU'RE CATASTROPHISING.

CATASTROPHISING? IS THAT A REAL WORD?

YEAH.

I GOT THE MAIL AND SOME CANDY.

CA-- WHERE DID YOU GET CANDY? SPIT THAT OUT!

SPIT IT OUT!

YOU DON'T TAKE CANDY FROM THE MAILMAN.

I KNOW THAT. I GOT IT FROM MOMMY.

OH...

THERE YOU ARE.

KADY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I ALMOST FORGOT YOUR INDIAN PRINCESS'S CAMPING WEEKEND

IS COMING UP AT THE ROSENBERG'S.

WHO'S THE ROSENBERGS? I DON'T KNOW THEM.

THEY'RE NICE, MICHAEL.

I'M SURE THEY'RE NICE, BUT I DON'T KNOW THEM.

SO IF THERE'S GONNA BE ANY CAMPING DONE,

LET IT BE DONE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD.

THEY'RE GONNA NEED A LEADER. ARE YOU GONNA BE THE CHIEF?

I'LL BE THE CHIEF. I'LL WATCH THE GAME,

THEN I'LL GO OUT AND PLAY INDIAN.

YOU HAVE TO BE WITH THEM THE WHOLE DAY AND NIGHT.

YOU GOTTA TEACH THEM THE CULTURE AND THE HISTORY

OF NATIVE AMERICANS --

THE ARTS, CRAFTS, DANCING, ALL OF THAT.

FINE. I CAN DO THAT.

OKAY.

AT LEAST I'LL KNOW WHERE MY BABY IS.

OH, GOODY!

I'LL GO CALL RACHEL AND CHARLOTTE!

THOSE ARE THE ONLY TWO PRINCESSES?

THOSE ARE THE ONLY ONES I LIKE.

Claire: MOM! DAD!

CAN YOU COME UP HERE? I WANNA TALK TO YOU.

OH, I WONDER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

OHH.

I'M CATASTROPHISED.

[ GIGGLES ]

THANK YOU FOR COMING. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

CAN I GET THAT FOR YOU?

PLEASE DO, HUSBAND.

I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

OH, COME ON, CLAIRE. NOT ANOTHER PROPOSITION.

[ Imitating Claire ] MOM, DAD,

CAN I BORROW AGAINST MY COLLEGE FUND FOR A NEW JEANS JACKET?

I REMEMBER THAT.

OKAY. OKAY.

THAT WAS REACHING,

BUT I THINK WE'RE ALL GONNA LIKE THIS NEW PROPOSAL.

AH, VISUAL AIDS.

ALL RIGHT, CURRENTLY,

MY WEEKEND CURFEW IS 11:00.

NOW, SINCE I LEAVE AT 7:00, THAT GIVES ME A FOUR-HOUR BLOCK --

ONE...TWO...THREE...FOUR --

FOUR --

OF UNSUPERVISED FREE TIME.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT I'M PROPOSING.

I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE MY CURFEW --

NOT CHANGE IT, BUT MOVE IT.

IN THIS NEW SCENARIO,

MY TIME OF DEPARTURE WILL BE 11:00, NOT 7:00,

EFFECTIVELY SHIFTING MY CURFEW FROM 11:00 P.M. TO 3:00 A.M.

AM I GOING TOO FAST?

WE'RE KEEPING UP.

SHIFTING. GOT IT.

OKAY. NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING,

"WON'T YOU BE TIRED, CLAIRE?"

I WAS JUST THINKING THE SAME THING.

READING MY MIND.

AND YOU SHOULD BE, FATHER,

BECAUSE THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION FOR CONCERNED PARENTS,

BUT THE ANSWER IS "NO," AND HERE'S WHY.

AHH.

THE 7:00 TO 11:00 SHIFT BECOMES CLAIRE'S NAP TIME.

SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,

I'M REALLY ASKING FOR NOTHING AT ALL.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

MICHAEL --

I'M GONNA STAND UP FOR THIS.

I'M GONNA MOVE OUT YOUR WAY.

JUST CLEAR THE ROOM FOR THIS.

THE ANSWER...TO THAT...IS...

AAH.

AAAH. AAH.

AAAH. AAAH. AAH.

AAAAAAH.

AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH.

AAH. AAH. AAH. AAH. AAH. AAH. AAH.

AAAAH --

NO.

HA HA HA!

17 SECONDS. THAT'S A NEW "AAAH" RECORD.

I FEEL -- AAAAH -- TIRED.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

YOU CAN'T KEEP ME LOCKED UP FOREVER!

NO, JUST BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 11:00 AND 3:00.

YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY! I FEEL LIKE I'M IN PRISON!

YOU KNOW, ONE DAY, I'M GONNA BE GROWN UP,

AND THEN I'LL REMEMBER.

I'LL REMEMBER.

I'LL REMEMBER!

I'LL REMEMBER!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HEY, TONY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU ALWAYS CALL BEFORE YOU COME OVER.

THAT WAS THE OLD TONY -- PREDICTABLE, SAFE TONY.

THE NEW TONY -- HE JUST SHOWS UP WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT.

UNLESS THIS IS A BAD TIME.

NO, IT'S FINE.

WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

I GOTTA CHANGE MY LIFE, CLAIRE.

WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU KNOW MY HAMSTER -- MR. JINGLES?

HE JUST DIED.

YOU KNOW, HE SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE IN A BOX, CLAIRE.

I DON'T WANNA END UP LIKE MR. JINGLES.

[ Crying ] MR. JINGLES!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, TONY. DON'T CRY.

YOU'RE RIGHT. THE OLD TONY WOULD CRY.

BUT THE NEW TONY --

YOU KNOW, HE'S GONNA TAKE CHANCES, DARN IT!

SORRY. DID I OFFEND YOU?

NO.

I'M GONNA BE FREE.

I'M JUST GONNA DO THINGS THAT ARE CRAZY.

LIKE WHAT?

I'M GONNA RUN WITH SCISSORS.

I'M GONNA LOOK ONE WAY BEFORE CROSSING.

I'VE EVEN BEEN LISTENING TO MY DAD'S RAP COLLECTION.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A GUY NAMED VANILLA ICE?

THAT GUY IS GOOD! RIGHT?

WOW. THIS CHANGE IN YOU IS AMAZING.

I JUST WANNA BUST OUT AND GO BONKERS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, TONY?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M GOING THROUGH EXACTLY THE SAME THING!

I FEEL SO...RESTRICTED.

YEAH!

LIKE I'M IN A STRAITJACKET.

YEAH! I CAN'T BREATHE!

YEAH! IT'S LIKE I CAN'T BREATHE, EITHER!

NO! I MEAN REALLY. I CAN'T BREATHE!

OH, SIT DOWN. I'LL GET A BAG FOR YOU.

NO, IT'S OKAY. I BROUGHT ONE.

THAT'S IT.

NICE, SLOW, DEEP BREATHS.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

WOW. WHAT A RUSH.

THERE'S NO HIGH LIKE A CARBON-MONOXIDE HIGH.

LET'S GO CRAZY TOGETHER.

YEAH. WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?

THERE'S A PARTY SATURDAY AT MIDNIGHT.

LET'S SNEAK OUT AND GO TO IT.

WHOA. NO. I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S JUST NUTS.

THE ONLY TIME I'VE BEEN ABLE TO STAY UP TILL MIDNIGHT

WAS FOR MIDNIGHT MASS.

AND EVEN THEN, I GOT SLEEPY,

BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE OF THE SOUND

OF THE ORGAN AND THE SMELL OF THE CANDLES.

DO YOU WANNA GET WILD OR DON'T YOU?

LET'S DO IT.

DAD, CAN YOU HELP US?

[ Native American accent ] CHIEF SOARING EAGLE BUSY NOW.

Man: WHAT A GREAT GAME.

THE WARRIORS VERSUS THE WIZARDS FOR THE CONFERENCE FINAL.

IT'S AS IF MICHAEL JORDAN IS REBORN --

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU MAKE CHIEF ANGRY.

[ GROWLING ]

[ GIGGLES ]

CHIEF MUST KNOW WHO WIN CONTEST BETWEEN WIZARDS/WARRIORS.

THERE WERE NO RADIOS IN INDIAN TIMES.

YOU ARE WRONG, OH, HAIR-OF-FIRE.

THERE WAS TIME WHEN BIG CONTEST

WAS BROADCAST WITH SMOKE SIGNAL.

PROBLEM WAS, SCORE WAS ALWAYS ZERO.

SO THEY INVENT SILENT SMOKE SIGNAL.

OH, SOMEBODY'S BLOWING SMOKE, ALL RIGHT.

YOU HAVE ATTITUDE.

SORRY, DAD. NO RADIO TONIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, MICHAEL.

YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON THESE GIRLS.

YOU'RE THE CHIEF.

CHIEF IS FOCUSED.

CHIEF WAS JUST FINISHING LAST TEPEE...

WHICH WILL DOUBLE AS CASINO.

WE ALREADY HAVE TONY DANZA BOOKED FOR GRAND OPENING.

THAT'S A LIE!

HE'S BEEN SITTING THERE LISTENING TO THE RADIO

ALL DAY LONG!

HUSH, 'EM, SPOTTED-FACE.

MICHAEL, WILL YOU STOP GOOFING AROUND?!

NAME NOT MICHAEL.

NAME CHIEF BIG SOARING -- COO-COO! COO-COO! -- EAGLE.

MORE LIKE BALD EAGLE.

[ LAUGHING ]

I WILL SCALP YOU,

AND YOU WILL LOOK LIKE LITTLE CHICKEN.

MICHAEL, YOU PROMISED TO -- AND I QUOTE --

"HONOR THE WAYS AND THE SPIRITS

OF THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF THIS EARTH,"

WHICH MEANS YOU ARE GOING TO TEACH THESE GIRLS --

SILENCE!

MAIDEN NO TELL CHIEF HOW TO ACT,

WHAT TO DO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MICHAEL, IF YOU EVER

WANNA GET INTO THIS MAIDEN'S WIGWAM AGAIN,

YOU'LL DO AS I SAY.

YES, OH, POKED-OUT HIGHNESS.

HEY!

I SEE WHERE YOU HAVE HIDDEN SACRED DRUM.

CAN'T WAIT TO BANG DRUM SLOWLY.

ARE YOU KIDDING, ERICA?

MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER LET ME GO TO THE PARTY TONIGHT,

BUT I'M GOING ANYWAY.

SIMPLE. TONY'S GONNA COME AND SNEAK ME OUT OF MY ROOM

AT MIDNIGHT, AND THEN --

OH, HERE COMES MY MOM. I GOTTA GO.

TALK TO YOU LATER.

HI. WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?

IT WOULD BE NICE IF I GET SOME PRIVACY AROUND HERE.

THIN ICE, CLAIRE. THIN ICE.

I'M TELLING YOU. THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING --

AND LOOK AT THIS MESS.

DOES EVERYBODY THINK I'M A MAID AROUND --

[ SCREAMS ]

HI, MAMA.

JUNIOR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BOY?

JUST DOING A LITTLE SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I SMELL TO OTHERS

BY LAYING UNDER MY OWN DIRTY LAUNDRY.

AND WHAT DID YOU DETERMINE, SON?

YOU KNOW, IT'S KINDA TRICKY.

THERE'S SO MANY ODORS TO WORK WITH,

FROM FEET TO ARMPIT TO CROTCH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A --

A SYMPHONY OF SMELL,

A SMORGASBORD OF STENCH,

A FESTIVAL OF FRAGRANCE,

A PARTY OF P.U.s.

INTRIGUING...ISN'T IT?

GO HELP YOUR FATHER WITH THE DOGGONE TEPEE.

OKAY, OKAY.

PARTY OF P.U.s.

[ SNIFFS ] EW!

HE'S RIGHT.

THE BOY... THE BOY IS RIGHT.

[ WHISTLING ]

[ GIGGLES ]

WHAT'S FUNNY?

NOTHING.

[ WHISTLING ]

[ GIGGLES ]

COME ON, TELL ME. I WANNA LAUGH, TOO.

IT'S NOTHING, POP.

[ WHISTLING ]

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

WHAT, BOY? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

WHAT IS SO DAMN FUNNY?

OKAY, OKAY!

I CAN'T JUST TELL YOU

THAT CLAIRE'S SNEAKING OUT TONIGHT WITH TONY.

THAT WOULD BE TATTLING. YOU HAVE TO GUESS.

OKAY. IS CLAIRE SNEAKING OUT WITH TONY?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHE IS.

HOW?

ARE YOU ASKING ME A QUESTION

OR ARE YOU SPEAKING INDIAN?

[ WHISTLES ]

OW!

OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW THE DETAILS, BUT HE'S COMING AT MIDNIGHT.

HE'S GONNA ROLL UP TO THE CURB IN A BLACK SEDAN,

AND HE'S GONNA USE THE LADDER IN THE BUSHES

UNDER CLAIRE'S WINDOW.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW NO DETAILS.

NO, BUT IF I FIND OUT ANY SPECIFIC PARTICULARS,

YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.

[ WHISTLES ]

OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

I JUST LIKE THE WAY THAT SOUNDS.

OH, IF IT ISN'T LITTLE PAIN IN BUTT.

I JUST TALKED TO MEGAN FROM THE ROSENBERG'S TRIBE,

THEY JUST BUILT A FIRE FROM SCRATCH!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

ALL WE'RE DOING IS WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT.

YES, YES, BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAIDEN,

AND A MAIDEN MUST TEND TO THE NEEDS OF THE CHIEF!

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. YOU'RE OVERLY SIMPLIFYING THIS.

THE NATIVE AMERICANS HAD A VERY ADVANCED CULTURE.

HOW?

ARE YOU ASKING ME A QUESTION

OR YOU DOING A CRUEL PARODY OF A NOBLE PEOPLE?

I WAS ASKING A QUESTION AS TO HOW HOW HOW?

FOR INSTANCE,

THEY WERE THE FIRST TO OPENLY ACCEPT GAY PEOPLE.

YES, MANY KNOW THE TALE OF LITTLE DROP THE TOMAHAWK.

THIS IS STUPID.

WE'RE NOT LEARNING ANYTHING ABOUT BEING INDIANS.

YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT.

HERE'S YOUR BEER.

AH, YOU HAVE DONE WELL.

YOU ARE NOW LITTLE FETCH-ME-BEER.

YOU HAVE EARNED YOURSELF A SEAT AROUND THE HIBACHI.

COME, LET US TELL TALES -- WISE TALES.

MANY, MANY MOONS AGO

THERE WAS PRINCESS CLAIRE-WATHA

AND SHE WAS THE DAUGHTER OF THE GREATEST CHIEF EVER.

AND ONE DAY, A BRAVE FROM ANOTHER VILLAGE

CAME TO STEAL AWAY PRINCESS CLAIRE-WATHA,

AND THIS MADE THE CHIEF VERY, VERY ANGRY.

WAIT A MINUTE.

CLAIRE-WATHA?

IS THIS JUST A THINLY VEILED REFERENCE TO YOUR ACTUAL LIFE?

AM I THAT TRANSPARENT?

THAT IS WHAT IT IS.

CLAIRE-WATHA WILL BE STOLEN TONIGHT.

AND I NEED MY BRAVETTES TO HELP ME TO ENSURE

THAT SHE STAYS HERE IN THE VILLAGE.

CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?

YES. YES. YES.

NO. WITH FEELING, WITH ZEST. CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?

YES! YES!

A LITTLE LOUDER.

YES!! YES!! YES!!

GOOD. THEN TONIGHT, WE MAKE WAR.

[ IMITATING NATIVE AMERICAN CHANT ]

All: ♪ NINE LITTLE, EIGHT LITTLE, SEVEN LITTLE INDIANS ♪

♪ SIX LITTLE, FIVE LITTLE, FOUR LITTLE INDIANS ♪

♪ THREE LITTLE, TWO LITTLE, ONE LITTLE INDIAN ♪

♪ TEN LITTLE INDIAN BOYS ♪

♪ YA YA YA YA YA YA YA ♪

YES. NOW THAT WE HAVE CHANTED

THE SACRED SONG OF OUR ANCIENT PEOPLE,

IT IS TIME TO PREPARE OUR FACES FOR WAR WITH PAINT.

YAY! YAY! YAY!

NOW, STEP-UM FORWARD.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LOOK TO THE MOON.

THIS.

COOL!

STEP FORWARD, CLOSE YOUR EYES. LOOK TO THE MOON.

THAT'S GREAT!

[ CHUCKLES ]

STEP FORWARD, LOOK TO THE MOON.

AWESOME!

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO LEARN THE WAR DANCE?

RIGHT NOW, LITTLE ROUND-FACE.

[ CHANTING ]

THAT WAR DANCE LOOKS LIKE THE ROBOT.

OH, YOU ARE WISE.

THAT IS BECAUSE WE MUST BE BRAVE LIKE ROBOTS.

[ CHANTING RESUMES ]

WHAT IS THAT FOOL DOING OUT THERE?

WHO CARES?

I JUST CAME TO GET A DRINK BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

SLEEP?

SINCE WHEN DO YOU GO TO BED AT 8:00 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT?

WELL, SINCE I CAN'T EXTEND MY CURFEW,

MIGHT AS WELL JUST SLEEP MY LIFE AWAY.

OH, CLAIRE, STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC.

YOU YELL AT ME WHEN I WANT TO GO OUT,

THEN WHEN I WANT TO STAY IN. I CAN'T WIN WITH YOU.

NO, YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THAT LITTLE SNOTTY ATTITUDE.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND,

I'LL BE IN MY ROOM WHERE I CAN HAVE SOME PRIVACY.

YEAH, BE MY GUEST, AND WHILE YOU'RE UP THERE,

SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A NEW PERSONALITY,

ONE A LITTLE MORE PLEASANT TO BE AROUND!

GRRRRR!

THAT'S NOT IT, BUT KEEP TRYING.

[ ALARM BEEPS ]

11:55. TIME TO WAKE UP THE BRAVES.

BA-CAW, BA-CAW!

[ GIRLS SCREAMING ]

SHH! SHH! IT'S JUST ME. IT'S JUST ME.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT BIRD THAT WAS GONNA SWOOP DOWN,

GRAB ME IN ITS TALONS, AND RIP ME APART PIECE BY PIECE.

WHAT ARE YOU ON?

RITALIN, BUT I'M STILL MESSING WITH THE DOSAGE.

NO. NO, NO. THAT WAS THE SIGNAL.

REMEMBER THE SIGNAL? REMEMBER WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

SHHH! SHHH!

♪ ICE, ICE, BABY ♪

THE ENEMY SOUNDS HIS DRUMS. YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT MEANS HE'S CLOSE.

OKAY, THE DRUMS HAVE STOPPED.

THAT MEANS IT IS TIME FOR BATTLE.

LET'S GO TO WAR! LET'S GO!

SHH!

OKAY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOON.

I SEE THE ENEMY.

OKAY, IT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!

READY...

AIM...

FIRE!

YES! ATTACK HIM! ATTACK HIM! ATTACK HIM!

[ GIRLS SQUEAL ]

TWIRL HIM. BRING HIM TO ME.

[ PANTING ]

HI, MR. KYLE.

TAKE HIM AWAY.

OH, OH! AAAH!

[ GROANS ]

[ KNOCKING ]

Hurry! I don't wanna wake up old baldy!

TOO LATE.

[ SCREAMS ]

[ GIRLS WHOOPING ]

OKAY, THAT IS ENOUGH.

DO WE GET TO SET HIM ON FIRE NOW?

YES, I WILL GO GET THE MATCHES.

NO! NO!

[ GIRLS CHEERING ]

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

WE SHOULD LET HIM GO BACK TO HIS VILLAGE,

SO HE MAY TELL OTHERS WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN THEY TRY TO MESS WITH OUR WOMEN.

THANK YOU.

MR. KYLE, I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO VANILLA ICE,

AND IT'S JUST PUT CRAZY, DEVIL IDEAS INTO MY HEAD,

AND I PROMISE IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? YES.

OW!

GOOD.

THANK YOU.

CLAIRE, CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME FOR LEADING YOU ASTRAY?

YEAH, I GUESS.

THANK YOU, AND ONCE AGAIN, CLAIRE,

I'M SORRY.

MR. KYLE, I'M SORRY.

GIRLS, I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST SORRY I WAS EVER BORN!

[ SOBBING ]

HOW MUCH TROUBLE AM I IN?

WE NEED TO TALK.

COME ON. YELL AT ME AND GET IT OVER WITH.

I'M WAY TOO SCARED TO YELL AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SNEAK OUT THIS HOUSE AT MIDNIGHT.

WE WERE JUST GOING TO A LITTLE PARTY.

DO YOU WATCH THE NEWS?

DO YOU READ THE PAPERS?

NO.

WELL, IF YOU DID,

YOU'D KNOW THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PSYCHOS OUT THERE.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING,

SNEAKING OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH TONY AS YOUR PROTECTION?

HE COULDN'T EVEN PROTECT HIMSELF FROM THREE LITTLE INDIANS.

DAD, I'M 16.

IT'S TIME YOU START LETTING ME USE MY OWN DISCRETION.

YOUR DISCRETION HAD YOU CLIMBING DOWN A LADDER AT MIDNIGHT.

IS THAT WISE DECISION MAKING?

I WANTED TO GO TO A PARTY, AND I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY NO.

HOW DO YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE SAID NO?

WOULD YOU HAVE LET ME?

HELL, NO. SEE? THAT'S NOT "NO."

BUT WHY? WHY WOULD I SAY NO?

I DON'T KNOW!

YOU DO KNOW! TELL ME WHY, CLAIRE.

IT'S AN UNSUPERVISED PARTY AFTER MIDNIGHT.

THERE'S BOYS THERE, ALCOHOL, PROBABLY DRUGS, MAYBE SEX,

BUT I JUST WANTED TO LISTEN TO MUSIC.

WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME

AND LISTENED TO MY MOTOWN COLLECTION.

[ SIGHS ]

SO WHAT'S MY PUNISHMENT?

YOUR PUNISHMENT, YOUNG LADY,

IS YOU KNOWING THAT IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE,

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

THAN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW.

DAD?

WHAT?

COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE PUNISHMENT INSTEAD?

I CAN'T TAKE THAT KIND OF GUILT.

YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR A WEEK.

OKAY, MAKE IT TWO WEEKS.

THANKS, DAD.

Hey. Hey.

Looks like all your little Indians are pooped.

YEAH, THEY SHOULD BE.

THEY HAD A GREAT VICTORY TONIGHT.

THANKS FOR DOING THIS, MICHAEL.

YOU KIDDING ME? I HAD A GREAT TIME.

I WISH KADY COULD STAY THIS SIZE FOREVER.

ISN'T THERE A PILL WE CAN GIVE HER

TO KEEP HER FROM GETTING OLDER?

I'M ALREADY TAKING IT.

IT CERTAINLY IS WORKING.

[ GIGGLES ]

THANKS. I'LL MEET YOU UPSTAIRS.

DADDY?

I HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT.

YOU'RE THE BEST CHIEF EVER.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, BABY.

BABE, YOU'RE CATASTROPHISING.

CATASTRO-- WHERE YOU GET THAT WORD?

YOU LISTENING TO AL SHARPTON SPEECHES?

[ Imitating Sharpton ] MY HAIRDO IS CATASTROPHISED.

SHUT UP.

CHIEF MUST KNOW OF CONTEST BETWEEN WARRIORS AND WIZARDS.

THERE WERE NO RADIOS IN INDIAN TIMES.

YOU ARE WRONG, AND ON -- OFF YOUR MARK.