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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,013 HEY, BEAUTIFUL. 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,835 HEY, SWEETIE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME THIS EARLY? 3 00:00:07,838 --> 00:00:10,218 I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU UNTIL LATER. 4 00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:11,841 I TOOK OFF A LITTLE EARLY 5 00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:14,602 SO THAT I COULD GET OFF A LITTLE EARLY. 6 00:00:14,595 --> 00:00:16,845 OH...CLAIRE'S HOME. 7 00:00:16,847 --> 00:00:18,977 GREAT. 8 00:00:18,979 --> 00:00:21,349 BUT SHE SHOULD BE LEAVING FOR WORK ANY MINUTE NOW. 9 00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,022 OH, GOOD. 10 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,993 AS SOON AS SHE'S GONE, I WILL EMPLOY MY EVIL PLOT 11 00:00:24,985 --> 00:00:26,775 TO GET YOUR PANTIES. 12 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,987 HA HA HA! YOU ARE SO BAD. 13 00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:30,409 WHAT'S IN THE BAG? 14 00:00:30,411 --> 00:00:32,991 NO, NO, THESE ARE MY TOOLS OF SEDUCTION. 15 00:00:32,993 --> 00:00:36,043 WE START WITH CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES. 16 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,576 [ EVIL LAUGHTER ] 17 00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:41,158 AND THEN WE MOVE ON TO THE DOM PERIGNON. 18 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,082 OH, BABY, ALL RIGHT. 19 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,804 [ Laughing ] AND -- AND -- 20 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:47,045 AND LAST... 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,127 BUT NOT LEAST, 22 00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,340 WE HAVE THE ULTIMATE CHICK FLICK -- 23 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:53,132 "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S." 24 00:00:53,134 --> 00:00:54,984 OH, BABY! 25 00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:56,055 [ EVIL LAUGHTER ] 26 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,266 THIS IS SO SWEET. 27 00:00:57,268 --> 00:00:58,728 YOU KNOW, THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE. 28 00:00:58,729 --> 00:01:00,269 I MUST HAVE SEEN THIS 10 TIMES ALREADY. 29 00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:03,601 I KNOW, SO YOU WON'T MIND WHEN WE MISS THE ENDING. 30 00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:05,534 [ EVIL LAUGHTER ] 31 00:01:05,526 --> 00:01:07,526 OKAY, THE LAUGH -- THE LAUGH, IT'S CREEPING ME OUT. 32 00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:08,688 THAT'S ENOUGH. 33 00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:10,029 WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? 34 00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:11,610 HEE HEE HEE HEE! HEE HEE HEE! 35 00:01:11,612 --> 00:01:13,532 HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! 36 00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:14,464 GO BACK TO THE OTHER ONE. 37 00:01:14,455 --> 00:01:15,955 [ EVIL LAUGHTER ] 38 00:01:15,956 --> 00:01:17,406 JUST -- JUST BE QUIET. 39 00:01:17,408 --> 00:01:18,908 YOU KNOW WHAT? 40 00:01:18,909 --> 00:01:21,079 I AM THE LUCKIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD. 41 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,041 I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD. 42 00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:24,633 YEAH? WELL, AS SOON AS CLAIRE LEAVES, 43 00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,085 MAYBE WE CAN COMBINE OUR LUCK. 44 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,626 YOU KNOW, I THINK RICK JAMES SAID IT BEST 45 00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,838 WHEN SHE SAID... ♪ GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 46 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,050 ♪ GIVE ME THAT STUFF, THAT FUNK, THAT SWEET, THAT FUNKY STUFF ♪ 47 00:01:32,052 --> 00:01:33,132 ♪ SAY WHAT? ♪ 48 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,064 ♪ GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 49 00:01:35,055 --> 00:01:36,425 ♪ GIVE ME THAT STUFF, THAT FUNK -- ♪ 50 00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,057 EW, YOU PEOPLE ARE GROSS. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOREVER. 51 00:01:38,058 --> 00:01:39,348 WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START ACTING LIKE IT? 52 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:40,980 HOPEFULLY NEVER. 53 00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:42,641 YEAH. DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO BE GOING, 54 00:01:42,643 --> 00:01:44,063 YOUNG LADY? 55 00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:45,194 YES, I DO, THANK GOD. 56 00:01:45,186 --> 00:01:46,816 GOOD. LET ME WALK YOU TO THE DOOR. 57 00:01:46,817 --> 00:01:48,857 HAVE A NICE TRIP. SEE YA. BYE-BYE. DON'T FORGET TO WRITE. 58 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,149 WAIT A MINUTE. 59 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,821 BEFORE I GO, I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WHOLE 60 00:01:51,822 --> 00:01:53,232 ME-CONTRIBUTING- TO-THE-HOUSEHOLD IDEA. 61 00:01:53,234 --> 00:01:55,124 UH, WHAT ABOUT THAT? 62 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,445 I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. 63 00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:58,947 WELL, SWEETIE, THIS IS A FAMILY TRADITION, OKAY? 64 00:01:58,949 --> 00:02:01,199 WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN, I GAVE HALF MY PAYCHECK 65 00:02:01,202 --> 00:02:03,412 TO THE HOUSEHOLD, AND NOW THAT YOU'RE WORKING, 66 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,214 YOU WILL CONTINUE THE LEGACY. 67 00:02:05,206 --> 00:02:07,916 IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU. I'M GLAD WE DISCUSSED IT. 68 00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:10,168 BON VOYAGE. SAYONARA. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY. 69 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,171 ARE THOSE CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES? 70 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,133 YEAH. YOU WANT ONE? 71 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,603 YEAH! 72 00:02:14,595 --> 00:02:16,805 YEAH, LOOK. YOU SMELL THAT? SMELL THE STRAWBERRY. 73 00:02:16,807 --> 00:02:18,217 NO GO GET IT! GO GET THE STRAWBERRY, BABY! 74 00:02:18,219 --> 00:02:19,719 GO GET IT! GO AHEAD! 75 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,430 BON VOYAGE. SEE YA. BYE-BYE. 76 00:02:22,603 --> 00:02:24,063 [ SIGHS ] 77 00:02:24,064 --> 00:02:26,574 NOW... WHERE WERE WE? 78 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:28,357 ♪ GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 79 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:31,189 ♪ GIVE ME THAT STUFF, THAT FUNK, THAT SWEET, THAT FUNKY STUFF ♪ 80 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,032 ♪ GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 81 00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,833 ♪ OW! GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 82 00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:35,985 ♪ GIVE ME THAT STUFF ♪ 83 00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:37,616 ♪ THAT SWEET, FUNKY ♪ 84 00:02:37,618 --> 00:02:40,368 ♪ OH...OW! ♪ 85 00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:49,708 UNH... 86 00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:51,000 UNH-UNH. 87 00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:57,675 [ CLICKING TONGUE ] 88 00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:03,512 AH-CHOO! 89 00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:06,024 YUCK! 90 00:03:06,016 --> 00:03:08,186 [ SOBBING ] 91 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,148 MOMMY! 92 00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,400 HEY, DAD. 93 00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:12,572 HMM? 94 00:03:12,573 --> 00:03:14,453 CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY? 95 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:15,985 "HAVE"? 96 00:03:15,986 --> 00:03:18,656 LISTEN, "HAVE" IMPLIES THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BORROW, 97 00:03:18,659 --> 00:03:20,029 WHICH MEANS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PAY IT BACK, 98 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,450 SO THE ANSWER IS NO. 99 00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:24,082 OKAY. CAN I BORROW SOME MONEY? 100 00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:26,464 "BORROW" IMPLIES THAT YOU PLAN ON PAYING IT BACK, 101 00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:28,997 BUT I KNOW YOU WON'T, SO THE ANSWER'S STILL NO. 102 00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,459 I CAN'T WIN. 103 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:33,001 "WIN" IMPLIES THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH, 104 00:03:33,003 --> 00:03:35,843 WHICH I KNOW YOU DON'T, SO THE ANSWER REMAINS NO. 105 00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:37,216 COME ON, DAD, I'M BROKE, 106 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,427 AND I NEED A NEW MUFFLER FOR MY CAR. 107 00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:40,800 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ALLOWANCE? 108 00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:42,051 I BOUGHT SOME JEANS. 109 00:03:42,052 --> 00:03:43,392 SEE, THAT'S WASTEFUL. 110 00:03:43,394 --> 00:03:45,194 WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE -- HERE WE GO. FORGET IT. 111 00:03:45,185 --> 00:03:46,895 NO, NO, GET BACK HERE. 112 00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:48,897 WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I MOWED LAWNS, 113 00:03:48,899 --> 00:03:50,269 I HAD A PAPER ROUTE, 114 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,771 I USED TO CARRY PACKAGES HOME FROM THE SUPERMARKET. 115 00:03:51,772 --> 00:03:53,612 I KNOW, DAD. AND YOU WASHED DISHES, 116 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:55,864 YOU FOLDED LAUNDRY, YOU RAISED SEA MONKEYS. 117 00:03:55,856 --> 00:03:57,406 YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID. 118 00:03:57,408 --> 00:04:00,028 THE SEA MONKEY BUSINESS -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 119 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:02,410 FOR $2, I'D GET A PACK OF 75 SEA MONKEYS, 120 00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:04,373 AND I'D SELL THEM FOR 50 CENTS APIECE. 121 00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,325 AND HERE'S THE BRILLIANCE. THIS IS WHERE 122 00:04:06,327 --> 00:04:08,327 THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT CAME IN. 123 00:04:08,329 --> 00:04:11,329 SEE, THEY HAD TO BUY TWO SEA MONKEYS. 124 00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:13,632 OTHERWISE, ONE OF THE SEA MONKEYS WOULD DIE 125 00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:15,844 IF IT DIDN'T HAVE ANOTHER SEA MONKEY TO SEE. 126 00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:17,136 SEE? 127 00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:20,257 I'M SORRY ABOUT THE SEA MONKEYS, DAD. 128 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,050 LOOK, JUNIOR, THE POINT IS, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, 129 00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:25,153 I WASN'T ASKING MY PARENTS FOR MONEY. 130 00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:26,515 I HAD MY OWN HUSTLE. 131 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:27,847 WELL, YOU HAD TO. 132 00:04:27,848 --> 00:04:29,518 YOUR DAD DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY. 133 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,690 YEAH, WELL, YOUR DAD HAS MONEY, 134 00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:34,062 BUT HE'S KEEPING IT ALL TO HIMSELF. 135 00:04:34,064 --> 00:04:35,954 EXCEPT... 136 00:04:35,946 --> 00:04:37,236 HERE'S $2. 137 00:04:37,237 --> 00:04:39,237 $2? FOR WHAT? 138 00:04:39,239 --> 00:04:41,279 YOU START YOUR OWN SEA MONKEY BUSINESS. 139 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,901 THANKS FOR NOTHING. 140 00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:43,993 YOU'RE WELCOME. 141 00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,004 HEY. 142 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,325 HEY, BABY. 143 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:48,787 HEY, SWEETIE, HOW ARE YOU? 144 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,079 OH, I JUST TOOK A GREAT NAP. 145 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,250 YEAH? GOOD. BABY, GUESS WHAT. 146 00:04:52,252 --> 00:04:53,792 WHAT? 147 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,184 I JUST SIGNED US UP 148 00:04:55,175 --> 00:04:56,505 FOR THE MOST REMARKABLE EXPERIENCE. 149 00:04:56,507 --> 00:04:58,257 WHAT? 150 00:04:58,258 --> 00:05:01,218 OKAY, LISTEN, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF DR. JACK MASON? 151 00:05:01,221 --> 00:05:02,841 YEAH, HE'S THE JEWISH COMEDIAN. TALKS LIKE THIS. 152 00:05:02,843 --> 00:05:04,133 [ As Jackie Mason ] HE SAYS, "MISTER, I'M TALKING TO YOU." 153 00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:05,234 "YOU TALKING TO ME?" "I'M TALKING TO YOU." 154 00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:06,635 "TALKING TO ME?" 155 00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:08,557 AND EVERYTHING ENDS WITH A BOOM! 156 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:10,639 NO, HE'S THIS RELATIONSHIP GURU. 157 00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:12,191 HE'S ALWAYS ON "OPRAH." 158 00:05:12,192 --> 00:05:13,852 HE'S ALWAYS ON "OPRAH"? HE BETTER GET OFF. 159 00:05:13,854 --> 00:05:15,824 HE MIGHT FALL AND BREAK HIS NECK. 160 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,026 BABY, NO. LISTEN, HE'S HAVING A SEMINAR, 161 00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:20,028 HE'S ONLY HERE FOR ONE DAY, 162 00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,530 AND THE SEMINAR IS CALLED "OPEN YOUR HEART." 163 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,213 "OPEN YOUR HEART"? I'D RATHER OPEN A VEIN. LOOK. 164 00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:26,405 WOULD YOU STOP? [ Normal voice ] COME ON, JAY. 165 00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,327 BABY, NO, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN. 166 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,618 PLUS, THE $400 FEE IS NON-REFUNDABLE. 167 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,371 $400? 168 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,013 [ As Jackie Mason ] WHAT? IT'S A BARGAIN. 169 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,625 BOOM. 170 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,167 BABY, LISTEN. BOOM. WHAT? 171 00:05:38,168 --> 00:05:39,128 ARE WE NOT HAPPY? 172 00:05:39,129 --> 00:05:40,629 [ Normal voice ] YES. YES. 173 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,631 DID I NOT COME HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON 174 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,223 WITH CHAMPAGNE AND STRAWBERRIES? 175 00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:45,234 YOU SURE DID. 176 00:05:45,225 --> 00:05:46,595 DID WE NOT GET BUSY ON THE KITCHEN TABLE? 177 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,467 REMEMBER THAT? IT WAS FUN, TOO. 178 00:05:48,469 --> 00:05:49,849 OKAY. 179 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,850 BABE, BUT I WANT US TO BE HAPPY FOREVER. 180 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,432 DON'T YOU WANT US TO BE PERFECT? 181 00:05:53,434 --> 00:05:55,034 WE ARE PERFECT. 182 00:05:55,025 --> 00:05:57,605 LISTEN, IF IT'S NOT BROKE, DON'T SEMINAR IT. 183 00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,188 YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT IT RIGHT, OKAY? 184 00:05:59,189 --> 00:06:01,109 THIS IS LIKE PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE. 185 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,111 IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF GETTING AN OIL CHANGE 186 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,123 FOR YOUR CAR BEFORE THE ENGINE BREAKS DOWN. 187 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,195 OH! SEE? 188 00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:07,536 I DON'T GET IT. 189 00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:10,078 MICHAEL, COME ON, DO THIS FOR ME. 190 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,330 IT'S JUST FOR ONE NIGHT. 191 00:06:11,331 --> 00:06:13,831 JAY, I HATE ALL THIS TOUCHY-FEELY 192 00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:16,054 "WOMEN ARE FROM MARS" -- 193 00:06:16,046 --> 00:06:17,256 SEE, IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT. 194 00:06:17,257 --> 00:06:18,957 IT'S ABOUT COMMUNICATION. THAT'S IT. 195 00:06:18,959 --> 00:06:21,549 OKAY, WELL, LET ME COMMUNICATE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, OKAY? 196 00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:22,882 OKAY. 197 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:26,063 I DON'T WANT TO DO THE SEMINAR! 198 00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:28,556 COME ON, BABY, JUST DO THIS FOR ME FOR ONE NIGHT. 199 00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,679 COME ON, PLEASE? THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME. 200 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,431 IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? IT REALLY, REALLY IS. 201 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,893 OKAY, I'LL DO IT. BUT... 202 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,234 YOU WILL? BUT WHAT? 203 00:06:35,225 --> 00:06:36,645 [ As Jackie Mason ] I WANT A FREE LUBE JOB 204 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,777 WITH MY OIL CHANGE. 205 00:06:37,778 --> 00:06:38,978 Both: BOOM! 206 00:06:38,979 --> 00:06:40,569 YEAH, THAT'S WITH IT. 207 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:45,704 GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT IN MY HOT LITTLE HAND. 208 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:46,696 WHAT'S THAT? 209 00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,157 MY FIRST PAYCHECK! 210 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:52,368 OH, BABY! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! 211 00:06:52,372 --> 00:06:54,712 YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? WE SHOULD FRAME THIS. 212 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,995 NEGATIVE $23? 213 00:06:56,997 --> 00:06:59,247 YEAH, BUT LOOK AT ALL THE CUTE TOPS I GOT. SEE? 214 00:06:59,249 --> 00:07:02,089 CLAIRE, YOU KNOW YOUR DADDY'S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS. 215 00:07:02,092 --> 00:07:03,502 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 216 00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,394 Junior: I'M THE BEST. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BEAT ME. 217 00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:06,925 HEY, GUYS. 218 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,927 HEY, MOM. HEY, CLAIRE, DID YOU GET THAT PAIR OF JEANS 219 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,719 I ASKED YOU TO PICK UP FOR ME? 220 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,351 OH, YEAH, RIGHT HERE. YES. 221 00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:13,892 THANK YOU. 222 00:07:13,894 --> 00:07:16,524 DANG, CLAIRE, THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF BAGS YOU GOT THERE. 223 00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:18,317 WHAT, DID YOU ROB A STORE? HA HA HA HA. 224 00:07:18,318 --> 00:07:20,858 NO. THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE A FOREIGN CONCEPT 225 00:07:20,861 --> 00:07:22,611 TO YOU PROFESSIONAL UNDERACHIEVERS, 226 00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:24,493 BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE A JOB. 227 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,775 SO HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU? 228 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,276 WELL, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN $70, 229 00:07:27,277 --> 00:07:29,277 BUT WITH MY 40% EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT, 230 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:31,449 YOU ONLY OWE ME $42. 231 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,951 WELL, I CAN'T PAY YOU IN CASH, 232 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,963 BUT WHEN I OPEN THIS BAG OF SEA MONKEYS, 233 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,575 YOU HAVE THE PICK OF THE LITTER! 234 00:07:36,577 --> 00:07:39,037 EW! I DON'T WANT ANY STUPID SEA MONKEYS! 235 00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:41,129 NO! CLAIRE! 236 00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:43,131 YOU JUST RUINED MY HUSTLE! 237 00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:45,223 I WILL CLEAN IT UP. JUST GET OUT OF HERE. 238 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,425 PLEASE, JUST GET OUT OF HERE. 239 00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:47,926 BUT THE SEA MONKEYS, MOM! 240 00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:49,928 GET THIS BOY GONE! 241 00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:52,430 I SWEAR TO -- 242 00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:54,142 MAN, THAT SUCKS. 243 00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:56,364 WHERE AM I GONNA GET ANOTHER BAG OF SEA MONKEYS 244 00:07:56,356 --> 00:07:57,396 ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE? 245 00:07:57,397 --> 00:07:59,267 YO, HEADQUARTERS, 246 00:07:59,269 --> 00:08:01,309 YOU'RE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE HERE. 247 00:08:01,311 --> 00:08:02,311 YUP. GOLD. 248 00:08:02,312 --> 00:08:03,692 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 249 00:08:03,694 --> 00:08:05,114 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? 250 00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:06,485 LOOK, YOUR SISTER GETS A 40% DISCOUNT 251 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,776 AT WHAT BECOMES YOU, RIGHT? 252 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,278 RIGHT. 253 00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,369 SO, WHAT IF WE HAVE HER BUY A WHOLE BUNCH OF CLOTHES 254 00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:13,411 AT DISCOUNT PRICE? 255 00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:16,123 AND THEN WE RETURN THEM FOR THE FULL PRICE. 256 00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:18,116 YEAH, BUT ISN'T THAT DISHONEST? 257 00:08:18,118 --> 00:08:20,118 NOT IF YOU TAKE IT TO A DIFFERENT LOCATION. 258 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,330 YEAH. THEN IT'S JUST BUSINESS. 259 00:08:22,332 --> 00:08:24,332 WELL, I NEED A NEW BUSINESS. 260 00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:26,514 THE SEA MONKEY DREAM IS DEAD. 261 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,336 HEY, JUST THINK -- 262 00:08:28,338 --> 00:08:30,178 IT COULD BE OUR HUSTLE, MAN. 263 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:32,510 YEAH, AND MY DAD SAID I SHOULD HUSTLE MORE. 264 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,812 ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT. 265 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,726 UGH! WHAT IS THAT? 266 00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:39,348 EW! 267 00:08:39,349 --> 00:08:41,479 IT'S EITHER GOOD MEAT OR BAD GUACAMOLE. 268 00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:44,401 MAN, ANYTHING'S BETTER THAN THESE PRETZELS. 269 00:08:47,698 --> 00:08:49,318 ISN'T THIS GREAT? 270 00:08:49,319 --> 00:08:51,319 NOW YOU TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. 271 00:08:51,321 --> 00:08:52,611 I LOVE YOU, BABY. 272 00:08:52,613 --> 00:08:54,413 OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY. 273 00:08:54,414 --> 00:08:56,424 LET'S GIVE THEM A HAND. COME ON. 274 00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:57,786 BABY, WE GOT OUR $400's WORTH. 275 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,288 COME ON, THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE. 276 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,369 LET'S GO. WE DON'T NEED THIS. 277 00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:02,711 WELL, WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO WELCOME 278 00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:04,123 OUR CHATTY LITTLE COUPLE. 279 00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:05,434 WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES? 280 00:09:05,425 --> 00:09:06,875 JAY AND MICHAEL KYLE. 281 00:09:06,877 --> 00:09:09,547 AND HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP? 282 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,719 LOOK, DOC, WE ARE THE HAPPIEST COUPLE IN THE WORLD. 283 00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,733 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE. 284 00:09:14,725 --> 00:09:17,385 SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP 285 00:09:17,387 --> 00:09:19,347 IS PRETTY MUCH PERFECT. 286 00:09:19,349 --> 00:09:21,809 YEP, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SAYING. 287 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,692 WELL, I GOT A NEWS FLASH FOR YOU, BUDDY. 288 00:09:24,685 --> 00:09:29,315 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "PERFECT" RELATIONSHIP. 289 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,569 AND DENIAL IS NOT JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT. 290 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,042 I DON'T LIKE YOU. 291 00:09:35,035 --> 00:09:37,285 THAT'S GOOD. THAT IS EXCELLENT. 292 00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,457 NOW YOU'RE BEING HONEST. 293 00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:42,249 AND HE'S RIGHT NOT TO LIKE ME. 294 00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:45,262 I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND! 295 00:09:45,255 --> 00:09:48,125 I'M THE MAN WHO'S GOING TO PUT TRUTH 296 00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:50,088 INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. 297 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,260 NOW, YOU TWO, COME ON UP HERE. 298 00:09:52,262 --> 00:09:54,812 COME ON, MICHAEL, LET'S SHOW THEM WHAT A HAPPY COUPLE IS. 299 00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,515 BABY, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. NO, BABY, COME HERE! 300 00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:58,016 MICHAEL, ARE YOU AFRAID OF SOMETHING? 301 00:09:58,018 --> 00:10:02,098 DO YOU HAVE SOME WEAKNESS THAT COULD GET EXPOSED? 302 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,942 [ CHUCKLING ] 303 00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:08,065 HEY, NOTHING WEAK ABOUT THIS HERE. 304 00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:10,488 THEN ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE. COME ON UP HERE 305 00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:13,780 AND TEST THE DEPTHS OF YOUR COMMITMENT. 306 00:10:13,784 --> 00:10:15,704 COME ON. COME ON. 307 00:10:15,696 --> 00:10:17,326 ALL RIGHT, COME ON UP. 308 00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:18,497 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 309 00:10:18,498 --> 00:10:21,288 HAVE A SEAT. 310 00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:25,131 NOW, THE KEY TO A TRULY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP 311 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,295 IS THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE HONESTLY 312 00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:30,247 AND TO RECEIVE CRITICISM WITH AN OPEN HEART. 313 00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:32,420 PLEASE FACE EACH OTHER. 314 00:10:32,422 --> 00:10:33,592 HEY. 315 00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:34,763 HI. 316 00:10:34,755 --> 00:10:36,805 GOOD. 317 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:39,057 LOOK, DOC, YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE ALL YOUR CREDIBILITY HERE. 318 00:10:39,059 --> 00:10:40,429 I MEAN...WE'RE IN LOVE. 319 00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:42,350 THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. 320 00:10:42,352 --> 00:10:46,442 NOW, WHATEVER YOUR PARTNER SENDS TO YOU, 321 00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:48,316 YOU MUST HEAR IT, 322 00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:51,108 AND THEN REPEAT THE PHRASE, "I CAN ACCEPT THAT, 323 00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,321 AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN." 324 00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:55,373 THAT'S IT? OKAY. THAT'S IT. 325 00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:56,905 THIS IS GONNA BE A BREEZE. 326 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,987 OKAY, LET'S BEGIN, STARTING WITH YOU, MICHAEL. 327 00:10:58,989 --> 00:11:01,039 I WANT YOU TO LOOK JAY IN THE EYE AND TELL HER 328 00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:02,911 SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT HER. 329 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,283 WELL, TO BE HONEST, 330 00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:06,754 THIS IS THE PICTURE OF PERFECTION, 331 00:11:06,747 --> 00:11:09,707 AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BABY. 332 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,710 OH... 333 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,091 OH, REALLY? 334 00:11:12,092 --> 00:11:14,342 WELL, WHAT I AM HEARING 335 00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:16,104 IS YOU DON'T THINK 336 00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:19,716 YOUR SO-CALLED FANTASTIC RELATIONSHIP 337 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,720 IS STRONG ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND 338 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:24,142 A FEW MINOR CRITICISMS. 339 00:11:24,144 --> 00:11:27,314 THERE IS NO GROWTH WITHOUT RISK. 340 00:11:27,307 --> 00:11:29,357 [ APPLAUSE ] 341 00:11:32,612 --> 00:11:35,372 GO AHEAD. BABY, GO AHEAD. I CAN HANDLE IT. 342 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:36,905 IF YOU DIG REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DEEP, 343 00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:38,317 I'M SURE YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING. 344 00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,448 COME ON. 345 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,319 OKAY, I'LL PLAY THE LITTLE GAME, JACK. 346 00:11:42,322 --> 00:11:45,922 ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE. UH... 347 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:49,036 I DON'T LIKE THE PANTS YOU'RE WEARING. 348 00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:52,459 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 349 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,752 GOOD. YOUR TURN. 350 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:57,474 UM, I DON'T LIKE THE JACKET YOU'RE WEARING. 351 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,967 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 352 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:01,340 OKAY, WE'RE -- 353 00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:04,941 OKAY, LET'S DIG A LITTLE DEEPER NOW. 354 00:12:07,147 --> 00:12:08,347 DEEPER, HUH? 355 00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:09,348 YEAH. 356 00:12:09,349 --> 00:12:11,229 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 357 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,351 OKAY. SOMETIMES YOU SNORE AT NIGHT, 358 00:12:13,353 --> 00:12:16,493 AND IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M BED WITH A LITTLE BEAR. 359 00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:22,738 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 360 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,962 OH. 361 00:12:24,955 --> 00:12:26,915 I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU FLOSS YOUR TEETH 362 00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,127 AND YOU LEAVE THAT LITTLE NASTY STRING AROUND. 363 00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:31,129 IT STINKS. 364 00:12:31,131 --> 00:12:34,171 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, 365 00:12:34,174 --> 00:12:35,804 AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 366 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,006 NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. 367 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,718 DIG EVEN DEEPER. 368 00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:43,141 DEEPER? 369 00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:45,313 OH, YEAH. 370 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,307 SOMETIMES YOU'RE TOO AGGRESSIVE. 371 00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:51,940 IT'S EMASCULATING. 372 00:12:51,942 --> 00:12:53,812 I FEEL LIKE I'M HANGING OUT WITH A DUDE. 373 00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,954 [ AUDIENCE OOHs ] 374 00:12:58,238 --> 00:13:01,318 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 375 00:13:01,321 --> 00:13:04,071 SOMETIMES YOUR BEADY LITTLE EYES GIVE ME THE CREEPS. 376 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:07,044 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 377 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,707 SOMETIMES WHEN YOU WALK, 378 00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:10,368 THE SOUND OF YOUR THIGHS RUBBING TOGETHER 379 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,500 MAKES THE HAIR ON THE BACK OF MY NECK STAND UP. 380 00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:13,582 [ AUDIENCE OOHs ] 381 00:13:13,583 --> 00:13:15,723 WHAT HAIR, BALDY? 382 00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:18,295 AND I THOUGHT YOU'D BE USED TO THAT SOUND 383 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,588 SINCE YOUR MAMA'S BIG FAT THIGHS 384 00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:21,469 ALWAYS RUBBED TOGETHER. 385 00:13:21,471 --> 00:13:22,841 MY MAMA? YOU BRING UP MAMA? 386 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:25,483 I SAID IT. HIS MAMA. I SAID IT. 387 00:13:25,475 --> 00:13:27,345 WHAT HAPPENED TO "MY HEART IS STILL OPEN"? 388 00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:29,387 OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT, MR. 3-MINUTE MAN. 389 00:13:29,389 --> 00:13:31,309 THREE MINUTES? THAT'S ALL IT IS. 390 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,731 WHY YOU BRING UP ALL OUR BUSINESS OUT HERE? 391 00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:33,732 WHAT? 392 00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:34,733 YEAH. THREE MINUTES? 393 00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:36,114 YOU HEARD ME. 394 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,106 YEAH, IT TAKES ME 25 MINUTES TO GET YOUR DRAWERS OFF. 395 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,068 [ AUDIENCE OOHs ] 396 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,405 I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED 397 00:13:47,407 --> 00:13:48,577 IN ALL MY LIFE! 398 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,118 YEAH, WELL, IT'S YOUR FAULT. 399 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,910 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO 400 00:13:51,912 --> 00:13:53,582 TO THE HOMEWRECKER SEMINAR! 401 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,593 OH, SO YOU DECIDE TO PUNISH ME 402 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,545 BY TURNING IT INTO AN EPISODE OF "THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW"? 403 00:13:58,548 --> 00:14:00,378 I WAS JUST PLAYING THE GAME, JACK. 404 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,800 YOU KNOW WHAT? 405 00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:05,391 I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW, I JUST -- 406 00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:07,765 I DON'T -- 407 00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:10,177 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE, OKAY? 408 00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,430 CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LOCK THE DOOR, OKAY? 409 00:14:12,432 --> 00:14:14,472 I WOULD DO IT MYSELF, BUT THE SOUND 410 00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:15,984 OF MY HUMONGOUS THIGHS RUBBING TOGETHER 411 00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,356 MIGHT SHATTER YOUR EARDRUMS. 412 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,737 SURE, I'LL GET IT. 413 00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:21,778 I JUST HOPE MY BEADY LITTLE EYES CAN SEE THE LOCK. 414 00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,861 WELL, I HOPE YOUR BEADY LITTLE EYES CAN SEE THE COUCH, TOO, 415 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,453 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE SLEEPING TONIGHT. 416 00:14:26,446 --> 00:14:29,406 I CAN ACCEPT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 417 00:14:29,409 --> 00:14:31,369 YEAH, WELL, MY LEGS ARE STILL CLOSED. 418 00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,594 $260... 419 00:14:35,585 --> 00:14:36,995 $280... 420 00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:38,797 $300. 421 00:14:38,798 --> 00:14:40,378 THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS WHAT WE MADE 422 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,590 FROM OUR VERY FIRST TRANSACTION. 423 00:14:41,591 --> 00:14:43,051 GIVE ME DAP. 424 00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:45,013 THAT'S TIGHT. ISN'T IT? 425 00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:47,265 NOW WE SET THIS $100 ASIDE 426 00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:49,597 AND SPLIT THE REMAINING $200 BETWEEN THE THREE OF US. 427 00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:52,559 ALL RIGHT, SO, UH, $75 FOR YOU... 428 00:14:52,562 --> 00:14:54,602 THANK YOU. 429 00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:56,524 $75 FOR ME, 'CAUSE I GOTTA GET MINE. 430 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:58,896 AND A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 431 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,018 $50? HOW COME I ONLY GET $50? 432 00:15:02,022 --> 00:15:04,612 BECAUSE IT WAS OUR IDEA. 433 00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:06,494 YEAH. OURS. 434 00:15:06,486 --> 00:15:08,946 BUT IT WAS MY SISTER'S DISCOUNT. 435 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,119 OH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME BACK $20. 436 00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:12,741 THAT'S MORE LIKE IT. 437 00:15:12,742 --> 00:15:14,412 NOW, HERE'S THE GENIUS PART, GUYS. 438 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,174 WE REINVEST IN THE BUSINESS. 439 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,376 EVERYBODY KICKS IN $30, WHICH WE ADD TO THE $100, 440 00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:22,419 THEREBY INCREASING OUR GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT. 441 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,752 I'M A GENIUS. 442 00:15:23,753 --> 00:15:26,603 YOU'RE A GENIUS. 443 00:15:26,596 --> 00:15:28,346 BUT NOW I'VE GOT NOTHING. 444 00:15:28,348 --> 00:15:30,508 NO, THINK ABOUT IT. YOU BROKE EVEN. 445 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,970 EVEN...BROKE. 446 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,553 OKAY. 447 00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:36,944 WHICH IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE AT RIGHT NOW. 448 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,396 YO, MIKE, GO GET THE PHONE BOOK OVER THERE 449 00:15:38,398 --> 00:15:39,768 AND PICK THE NEXT STORE WE'RE GONNA HIT. 450 00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:41,019 WHAT SHOULD I DO? 451 00:15:41,021 --> 00:15:43,021 ALL RIGHT, YOU GIVE THIS TO CLAIRE 452 00:15:43,023 --> 00:15:44,653 AND TELL HER TO BUY SOME MORE CLOTHES. 453 00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:46,534 THIS IS HOW WE'RE GONNA GET RICH, MAN. 454 00:15:46,526 --> 00:15:49,656 MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY! 455 00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:52,069 THAT'S SO OLD, G. 456 00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:56,423 Man on TV: OH, MY GOD, WHAT A MOVE! PASS IT! PASS IT! 457 00:15:56,416 --> 00:15:59,786 JAY, I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME. 458 00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:03,539 WHAT ARE YOU -- OW! 459 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:05,553 LOOK, THIS AREA IS FINE. DON'T CLEAN UP HERE. 460 00:16:05,545 --> 00:16:07,795 I GOT THIS. I WILL TAKE CARE -- 461 00:16:07,797 --> 00:16:10,427 OKAY, BUT STILL WITH THE SILENT TREATMENT, RIGHT? 462 00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:13,430 STILL WITH THE SILENT TREATMENT. 463 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:14,593 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 464 00:16:14,594 --> 00:16:16,404 I LIKE THIS BETTER THAN THE GAME, ANYWAY. 465 00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:18,516 LOOK AT THAT BOUNCING AROUND. I LIKE THAT. 466 00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:22,358 Man on TV: AND IT'S THE LAST FIVE SECONDS OF OVERTIME. 467 00:16:22,362 --> 00:16:24,562 WHAT AN INCREDIBLE GAME. 468 00:16:24,564 --> 00:16:26,574 IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS FINAL SHOT. 469 00:16:26,566 --> 00:16:29,406 [ VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING ] 470 00:16:32,372 --> 00:16:33,912 OH! 471 00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,793 OKAY? NOW JUST STAND HERE AND WATCH THE GAME. 472 00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:37,205 OH, MY GOD, WHAT A MOVE! 473 00:16:37,207 --> 00:16:38,707 WHERE YOU GOING? WHERE YOU GOING? 474 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:40,708 PLUG THAT BACK IN! YOU PLUG THAT BACK IN! 475 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,420 YOU TALKED. HA! I GOT YOU TO TALK. 476 00:16:43,423 --> 00:16:45,223 NO, NO! I TALKED BECAUSE I WANTED TO. 477 00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:47,465 NO, YOU'RE TALKING BECAUSE I TRICKED YOU. 478 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:48,757 LIKE THAT'S SOME KIND OF MASTER PLAN. 479 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,218 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] I TRICKED YOU, I TRICKED YOU! 480 00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,970 GET THE PHONE. 481 00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:53,431 GRAB THE PHONE. 482 00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:55,403 NO. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. YOU DO IT. 483 00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:57,345 YOU GET IT. FINE. FINE. THEN LET IT RING. 484 00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:58,637 LET IT RING THEN. FINE. FINE. 485 00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:00,228 FINE. FINE. 486 00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:01,900 Michael's voice: YOU'VE REACHED THE KYLES' RESIDENCE. 487 00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:03,851 PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE, AND WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU. 488 00:17:03,853 --> 00:17:06,203 Woman: THIS IS THE NURSE FROM KADY'S SCHOOL. 489 00:17:06,196 --> 00:17:08,196 KADY'S HAD AN ACCIDENT, AND WE'RE TRYING TO GET -- 490 00:17:08,198 --> 00:17:10,358 HELLO? HELLO? WHAT HAPPENED? 491 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,700 OH, MY GOD, OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 492 00:17:12,702 --> 00:17:14,782 WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED, BABY? 493 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:17,004 KADY FELL OFF THE JUNGLE GYM. SHE'S IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM. 494 00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:18,576 OKAY, COME ON, LET'S GO. 495 00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:23,501 MAY I HELP YOU? 496 00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,513 YES, ARE YOU THE MANAGER? 497 00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:27,425 YES. 498 00:17:27,427 --> 00:17:30,127 AND THE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. 499 00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,800 OH, CONGRATULATIONS. 500 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,221 I NEED A REFUND ON THESE ITEMS. 501 00:17:34,224 --> 00:17:36,484 IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM? 502 00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:38,226 UH, YES. THE NECK HOLES ARE TOO SMALL. 503 00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:40,388 AH, I CAN SEE THAT. 504 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,522 JUNIOR? 505 00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:44,523 CLAIRE? 506 00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:49,027 YOU KNOW HIM? 507 00:17:49,028 --> 00:17:50,448 YEAH, HE'S MY BROTHER. 508 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,992 AREN'T THESE THE CLOTHES YOU PURCHASED 509 00:17:53,993 --> 00:17:55,543 WITH YOUR DISCOUNT THE OTHER DAY? 510 00:17:55,535 --> 00:17:57,195 THEY ARE... BUT I HAD NO IDEA 511 00:17:57,197 --> 00:17:59,197 HE WAS GONNA TRY TO GET A REFUND ON THEM. 512 00:17:59,199 --> 00:18:02,119 THIS IS VERY BAD, CLAIRE. 513 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,372 I KNOW. 514 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:06,013 I HATE TO HAVE TO DO THIS, 515 00:18:06,005 --> 00:18:07,415 BUT YOU ARE FIRED. 516 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,087 GET YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT. 517 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,088 YOUR RETAIL CAREER IN THIS TOWN IS OVER, 518 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,420 BABY. 519 00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:17,224 OH, CLAIRE, I AM SO SORRY. 520 00:18:17,217 --> 00:18:19,477 YEAH, YOU SURE ARE SORRY. 521 00:18:19,479 --> 00:18:21,099 THIS JOB WAS IMPORTANT TO ME. 522 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,480 NOW I'VE GOT A MARK ON MY RECORD. 523 00:18:22,482 --> 00:18:24,022 I SAID I WAS SORRY. 524 00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:25,783 YEAH, I HEARD YOU, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. 525 00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:27,985 YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE, JUNIOR, 526 00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:30,187 AND GET RID OF THOSE LOSER FRIENDS. 527 00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:32,360 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY BIG BROTHER. 528 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:35,912 I WISH YOU'D ACT LIKE ONE. 529 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,408 OKAY, NOW, YOU OPEN UP THESE SEA MONKEYS 530 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,371 AND PUT THEM IN A GLASS OF WATER, 531 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,213 AND IN NO TIME, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE 75 NEW FRIENDS 532 00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:47,796 THAT LOOK JUST LIKE JUNIOR. 533 00:18:47,797 --> 00:18:49,417 THANKS, DADDY. 534 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,799 OKAY, NOW GO UPSTAIRS AND PUT ALL YOUR TOYS AWAY. 535 00:18:51,801 --> 00:18:54,171 YOU KNOW, THIS IS A GOOD HUSTLE. 536 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,104 I THINK TOMORROW I'LL FALL OFF THE SWING SET. 537 00:18:57,096 --> 00:18:58,596 Jay: GET OUT OF HERE. 538 00:18:58,598 --> 00:19:00,018 [ BOTH SIGH ] 539 00:19:00,019 --> 00:19:01,599 BABY, I WAS SO SCARED. 540 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:03,431 I KNOW, BUT SHE'S OKAY. 541 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:06,033 JUST A BRUISED ELBOW, A LITTLE BUMP ON THE HEAD. 542 00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:07,435 [ SIGHS ] 543 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:08,767 YOU ARE MY ROCK. 544 00:19:08,768 --> 00:19:10,568 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 545 00:19:10,570 --> 00:19:12,770 I AM SO SORRY I'VE BEEN ACTING 546 00:19:12,772 --> 00:19:15,372 SO STUPIDLY THESE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS. 547 00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:17,405 BABY, WE'VE BOTH BEEN ACTING STUPID. 548 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:18,777 NO, MICHAEL, I DRAGGED YOU 549 00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:20,778 TO THAT RIDICULOUS RELATIONSHIP SEMINAR. 550 00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,990 YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PARTNER. 551 00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:25,212 I COULDN'T ASK FOR ANYBODY BETTER. 552 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,915 NEITHER CAN I. 553 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:31,208 COME ON, GIVE ME THAT FUNK, THAT SWEET, THAT FUNKY STUFF. 554 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,791 SAY WHAT? 555 00:19:33,793 --> 00:19:35,223 ♪ GIVE IT TO ME ♪ 556 00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:36,385 [ LAUGHS ] 557 00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:40,889 BYE, GUYS. 558 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:43,300 BYE, BABY. HEY, HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW JOB? 559 00:19:43,303 --> 00:19:44,603 OH, IT'S GREAT. 560 00:19:44,604 --> 00:19:47,024 THE PEOPLE AT ANN TAYLOR ARE FABULOUS. 561 00:19:47,016 --> 00:19:48,896 HEY, DO YOU THINK THERE'S A REAL ANN TAYLOR? 562 00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,478 I'M SURE THERE IS. 563 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,520 MOST DESIGNERS NAME THEIR STORES AFTER THEMSELVES -- 564 00:19:52,522 --> 00:19:53,982 HUGO BOSS, CALVIN KLEIN, RALPH LAUREN. 565 00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:55,453 YEAH. I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THE GUY 566 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,195 WHO STARTED PIC 'N' SAVE. 567 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,276 THEY USED TO CALL HIM THAT 'CAUSE HE USED TO PICK -- 568 00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:00,579 EW! AND THEN SAVE THEM. 569 00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:02,620 THAT'S REAL DISGUSTING. 570 00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:04,202 HEY, DAD, I WAS THINKING, 571 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,383 MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIGHTEN UP ON JUNIOR'S PUNISHMENT. 572 00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:08,376 AFTER ALL, HE DID GIVE THE MONEY BACK, 573 00:20:08,378 --> 00:20:09,828 AND HE APOLOGIZED. 574 00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:11,829 WELL, SWEETIE, I'M NOT READY TO GIVE IN 575 00:20:11,831 --> 00:20:13,791 ON THIS PUNISHMENT JUST YET. 576 00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:16,013 BESIDES, YOUR BROTHER LOVES THOSE DISCOUNT CLOTHES 577 00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:17,425 YOU GET HIM, RIGHT? 578 00:20:17,427 --> 00:20:20,007 HEY, JUNIOR, WILL YOU HURRY UP WITH THE SNACKS IN HERE? 579 00:20:20,009 --> 00:20:21,179 Junior: I'M COMING! 580 00:20:23,603 --> 00:20:26,023 [ WOLF WHISTLE ] 581 00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:29,225 LOOK AT MY SEXY SON. 582 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,648 GET OVER HERE, YOU PRETTY LITTLE THING. 583 00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:33,401 COME HERE. 584 00:20:33,403 --> 00:20:36,413 YOU SURE HAVE PRETTY LEGS, JUNIOR. 585 00:20:36,406 --> 00:20:39,406 I THINK YOU NEED TO SHAVE THEM, THOUGH, SON. 586 00:20:39,409 --> 00:20:41,359 IT DOESN'T GET ANY WORSE THAN THIS. 587 00:20:41,361 --> 00:20:43,241 ON THE CONTRAIRE, MY DEAR. 588 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,202 I NEED YOU TO RUN DOWN TO THE VIDEO STORE 589 00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:47,464 AND GET ME A COPY OF "TO WONG FOO." 590 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:50,367 [ JAY LAUGHING ] 591 00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:52,460 YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? 592 00:20:52,462 --> 00:20:55,682 All: UH...NO. 593 00:20:57,136 --> 00:21:00,426 YOU ARE A CRUEL, VINDICTIVE MAN. 594 00:21:00,430 --> 00:21:04,550 I CAN ACCEPT THAT, AND MY HEART IS STILL OPEN. 595 00:21:08,648 --> 00:21:11,518 HEY, CLAIRE, DOES THIS DRESS MAKE ME LOOK FAT? 596 00:21:14,734 --> 00:21:16,364 AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, 597 00:21:16,356 --> 00:21:18,736 WE HAVE MY FAVORITE CHICK FLICK -- 598 00:21:18,738 --> 00:21:20,528 "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S." 599 00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,160 [ EVIL LAUGHTER ] 600 00:21:22,161 --> 00:21:23,951 OH, BABY, YOU SPIT ALL OVER ME! 39761

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