Original subtitles

MOMMY, CAN YOU HELP ME CUT MY PANCAKES?

I'D LOVE TO HELP MY BABY CUT HER PANCAKES.

HEY, BABY, GUESS WHO'S COMING OVER TO VISIT.

SANTA CLAUS?

UH...

NO.

THEN I DON'T CARE.

I'LL GIVE YOU A GUESS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS GUY IN OVER TWO YEARS.

YOUR BARBER? [ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY ]

NOT FUNNY.

NO, IT'S YOUR UNCLE TOMMY.

YAY! HE GIVES THE BEST PIGGYBACK RIDES.

WHAT ABOUT MY PIGGYBACK RIDES?

I CAN'T GET A GRIP. YOUR HEAD'S TOO SLIPPERY.

AAH! [ LAUGHING ]

OKAY, THAT'S THE SECOND BALD JOKE.

I'M GONNA SHAVE YOU TWO BALD AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.

HEY, MICHAEL, I LOVE TOMMY,

BUT I DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO THESE VISITS.

WHY NOT? BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE SO COMPETITIVE,

YOU'RE OUT THERE PLAYING ONE-ON-ONE

TILL ONE OF YOU DROPS.

I'M NOT COMPETITIVE. HE'S THE COMPETITIVE ONE.

I'M TRYING TO BEAT SOME OF THAT COMPETITIVENESS OUT OF HIM.

OH, SO YOU'RE HELPING HIM.

EXACTLY, I CALL IT "BDT" --

BEAT-DOWN THERAPY.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

I DON'T KNOW. HE SAID HE HAD A SURPRISE.

LAST TIME HE HAD A SURPRISE, HE SHOWED UP IN SOME NEW WHEELS.

GOOD MORNING, DAD.

WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT!

YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

CAN I GO TO THE MALL?

YOU NEED MONEY? NO.

YOU NEED A RIDE? NO.

BE GONE.

OH, OH, OH, TAKE YOUR SISTER.

KADY?!

NO, TAKE YOUR SISTER MANIPIDLY.

YEAH, OF COURSE TAKE KADY.

UH...NO.

SHE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM EVERY 10 MINUTES.

THAT'S 'CAUSE SHE'S A BABY.

THAT'S RIGHT -- SHE'S A BABY.

HOW CAN I SHOP WHEN SHE'S WITH ME?

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.

YOU CAN'T FLIRT WHEN SHE'S WITH YOU,

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE TAKING HER WITH YOU.

Kady: HA HA! SHUT UP!

HEY, DON'T TALK TO THE BABY LIKE THAT.

HA HA!

SHUT UP. I'M TALKING TO YOUR SISTER.

YOU'RE DELUDED, DAD. KADY IS SO NOT A BABY ANYMORE.

YES, SHE IS.

[ TALKING BABY TALK ]

SHE IS A BABY.

DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT.

[ SMOOCHES ]

I WANT YOU GUYS BACK IN 2 HOURS. YOUR UNCLE TOMMY'S COMING.

OKAY, BUT I'M DOING IT UNDER PROTEST.

COME ON, KADY.

MICHAEL, I'M TELLING YOU, WHEN TOMMY GETS HERE,

I WANT YOU TWO TO TRY TO PUT A LID ON ALL THAT TESTOSTERONE.

OH, BABY, YOU'RE EXAGGERATING.

THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND. OKAY.

I'M JUST GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM, THAT'S ALL.

OW, I THINK I BROKE MY THUMB!

CAN YOU MOVE IT? YEAH.

THEN IT'S NOT BROKEN. WHAT HAPPENED?

I WAS WORKING ON MY CAR, AND I GOT IT STUCK IN SOMETHING.

OH, LORD, I'M SCARED TO ASK THIS QUESTION.

WHAT DID YOU GET IT STUCK IN?

MY CRANKCASE.

OH, LORD, I'M SCARED TO ASK THE NEXT QUESTION.

YOUR CAR CRANKCASE, RIGHT?

YEAH. AND IT HURTS.

HOW CAN I GO ON LIKE THIS?

BOY, STOP WHINING.

IT'S JUST A SPRAIN.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY GAMES MICHAEL JORDAN PLAYED INJURED?

BUT HE ONLY BLEW OUT HIS KNEE OR TORE A COUPLE OF TENDONS.

THIS IS MY THUMB -- MY PlayStation THUMB.

PLUS, NOW I'M LOPSIDED.

THE PAIN IS MAKING ME FAVOR THIS SIDE OF MY BODY.

GO UPSTAIRS, USE THE OINTMENT, AND MASSAGE IT.

OH, BOY, I NEVER HAD PERMISSION BEFORE!

SHE'S TALKING ABOUT YOUR THUMB.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

ALL RIGHT, BABY, THAT'S TOMMY.

OKAY, I WANT YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR.

YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA RUN IN AND JUMP ON MY BACK.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW THE DRILL.

AND ROLLING OUT FOR TEAM HARLEM

IN THE POSITION OF POINT GUARD, TOMMY T.!

THANK YOU. Y'ALL TOO BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU, BABY.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU. PLEASE, STOP.

IT'S TOO MUCH.

TOMMY...

HI. HEY.

UM, WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED?

AIN'T NOTHING WR-- HE'S JUST MESSING AROUND,

TRYING TO GET SYMPATHY

SO I DON'T BEAT HIM OUT THERE ON THAT COURT.

COME ON, GET UP OUT THIS CHAIR, MAN.

STOP THIS, TOMMY. COME ON, STOP.

THE SPAGHETTI LEGS IS FUNNY. [ LAUGHS ]

LOOK, TOMMY, THIS AIN'T RIGHT, MAN.

WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPEN AND YOU GET PARALYZED?

MIKE, SOMETHING DID HAPPEN, AND I'M PARALYZED.

OKAY.

LET'S GET YOU BACK TO YOUR LITTLE VEHICLE.

THERE YOU GO.

LET'S GET THE LEGS RIGHT.

YOU WANT TO CROSS THEM -- BE A LITTLE COMFORTABLE?

I GOT YOU.

THERE YOU GO. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE.

CROSS YOUR LEGS.

HERE, LET ME STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT, THERE.

GET THE LEGS RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

I REMEMBER YOU WAS PIGEON-TOED. THERE YOU GO.

SO...LET'S EAT!

THERE'S FOOD...

MIKE, THIS IS WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU ON THE PHONE, MAN.

THIS IS MY NEW RIDE.

HERE...

OH, YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

I AIN'T GOT NO RIMS ON IT YET, BUT WHEN I DO, MAN,

IT'S GONNA BE "BOM-BOM-BOM-BOM."

[ WHISTLES ]

WELL, YOU -- YOU LOOK GREAT, TOMMY.

I MEAN, YOU -- YOU -- YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT.

YEAH, MAN, WHEN THEY TOOK OUT MY SPLEEN,

THAT'S ABOUT TWO OR THREE POUNDS RIGHT THERE.

YEAH, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS MISSING WHEN I HAD --

I COULD FEEL SOMETHING...

TOMMY, WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED?

ALL THE CRAZY THINGS I DONE IN MY LIFE,

I BREAK MY BACK TRYING TO PAINT THE HOUSE ON A LADDER.

THAT'S A DRAG. YEAH.

LET'S EAT.

COME ON, EVERYBODY COULD USE A SANDWICH.

WOULD YOU PLEASE... SOMETIME...

ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY?

"OKAY" AS IN, AM I GONNA WALK OR RUN OR JUMP AGAIN? UH, NO.

BUT "OKAY" AS IN, AM I GONNA WAKE UP EVERY DAY,

I'M GONNA PLAY THE HAND I BEEN DEALT

AND TRY NOT TO LEAVE NO WET SPOTS ON YOUR COUCH,

YEAH, I'M FINE.

Okay.

THAT'S POSITIVE, MAN.

YOU'RE LIKE MAGIC JOHNSON, JUST REALLY POSITIVE ABOUT...

...THE BAD STUFF.

SO, MAN, COME ON, MAN, WHERE THE B-BALL AT?

I LIKE YOUR KICKS, BUT THEY AIN'T GONNA HELP YOUR GAME NONE.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I DON'T PLAY BASKETBALL NO MORE.

GAVE IT UP. WHAT--

THREW THE BASKETBALL-- ALL THE BASKETBALL--

YOU JUST -- BUT YOU WERE JUST BOUNCING...

NO, I WASN'T. I THREW THE BASKETBALL AWAY, REMEMBER?

THAT JUST -- I'M INTO MORE SIT-DOWN, THINK GAMES.

I LIKE CHESS, YOU KNOW.

MONOPOLY -- JUST A THINKING-MAN GAME.

TROUBLE -- I LIKE THAT LITTLE "BOOP!" WHEN IT GOES AROUND --

ALL RIGHT, COME ON, MAN. STOP PLAYING, MAN.

WHERE THE BALL AT? YEAH, MICHAEL, GO AHEAD AND PLAY.

[ Muttering ] THE MAN IS PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED.

FIRST OF ALL,

I CAN HEAR, AND SECOND OF ALL,

I'M ONLY "PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED"

WHEN I'M TRYING TO TIE MY SHOES.

I BE TIPPING OVER SOMETIMES.

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S FUNNY. YOU SHOULD DO SOME STAND-UP.

SANDWICHES, SANDWICHES...

MAN, I COULD USE A SANDWICH.

TOMMY, I THINK MICHAEL IS HAVING A PROBLEM

ACCEPTING YOUR DISABILITY.

YOU THINK SO? DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY --

I'M FINE! I'M F--

WHAT, SO WHAT, TOMMY'S IN A WHEELCHAIR.

OOH, I'M FREAKING OUT.

AHH!

HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR. LOOK, SEE, IT'S COOL.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] PHONE, I'LL GET IT.

HELLO?

DAD, UM... HEY, CLAIRE.

I NEED YOU TO COME PICK US UP NOW.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

OH, YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

UM, I JUST NEED YOU TO COME...RIGHT NOW.

DADDY'S ON HIS WAY.

I GOT TO GO GET HER FROM THE MALL.

THE GIRLS JUST WANT -- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO! COME HERE. NO?

NO, YOU STAY HERE AND TALK TO YOUR FRIEND, OKAY?

DO I HAVE TO?

YES, YOU DO. OKAY.

GO TALK!

I'LL TALK.

BE BACK!

TOMMY!

MIKE.

TOMMY!

MIKE.

WELL, SO -- SO, YOU MUST, LIKE,

GET ALL THE COOL PARKING SPACES NOW, HUH?

EVERYWHERE I GO.

YEAH.

[ SIGHS ] COULD YOU OPEN THIS FOR ME, PLEASE?

YEAH, MAN.

[ TAB POPS ]

OH, THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HAVE YOUR THUMB.

THEY DON'T MAKE WHEELCHAIRS FOR THESE.

I KNOW.

I'M A GUY WHO DOESN'T WANT ANY SYMPATHY.

DON'T YOU HATE IT

WHEN PEOPLE GIVE YOU THAT "OH, POOR BABY" LOOK.

OR WHEN THEY JUST STARE AT YOU

LIKE YOU'RE SOME TYPE OF CIRCUS FREAK?

YOU GET THAT TOO, HUH?

ALL THE TIME. AND THAT WAS BEFORE I HURT MY THUMB.

HEY, BE STRONG, MAN.

YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT THERE'S ALWAYS A SILVER LINING.

FOR INSTANCE, YOUR JORDANS WILL LAST FOREVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT, JUNIOR? I APPRECIATE THAT, MAN.

YOU'RE NOT OVERLY SOLICITOUS LIKE YOUR OLD MAN OVER HERE.

I CAN'T BE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT "OVERLY SOLICITOUS" MEANS.

IT MEANS I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH YOUR POPS.

WELL, GOOD LUCK. LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.

RIGHT NOW, I HAVE THUMB THERAPY.

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

TODAY I'M DOING COIN FLIPS.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS TO BE HEALED.

I HAVE TO USE MY LEFT HAND FOR EVERYTHING.

IT'S LIKE BEING WITH A STRANGER.

AND...LUNCH IS SERVED.

OH, MAN.

YEAH, I GOT A NICE LITTLE SPOT CLEARED OUT FOR YOU.

YOU CAN ROLL RIGHT UP IN THERE.

HUH? LOOK AT THIS -- A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH,

AND I GOT SOME STRAINED CARROTS.

OH, MY FAVORITE.

A SODA WITH A STRAW -- EASY ACCESS.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW

HOW I GOT ALONG EATING BY MYSELF FOR ALL THIS TIME.

OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN SEE HOW... HELPLESS I'VE BECOME.

OH, COME ON, TOMMY, EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE HELP SOMETIMES.

DID I HURT YOU? NO, NO, I'M FINE.

WHERE'S YOUR BATHROOM, MAN?

IT'S RIGHT DOWN THE HALL TO THE LEFT.

OKAY, COME ON, MAN, LET'S GO.

W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LET'S"?

YOU KNOW...I'M GONNA NEED SOME...HELP IN THERE, TOO.

COME ON, YOU SERIOUS?

WHAT KIND OF HELP YOU NEED?

IT'S NOTHING MAJOR, YOU KNOW, JUST POINT, SHOOT, AND SHAKE.

YOU'RE SERIOUS?

YEAH, MAN, I ALREADY HAD ONE ACCIDENT,

AND I REALLY... GOTTA GO.

OKAY, HOLD ON, LET ME -- LET ME, UH...

GET A COUPLE OF THINGS, HERE.

YEAH.

SUPPORT, YOU KNOW -- GIVES YOU SOME SUPPORT.

YOU MIGHT NEED A BIGGER GLOVE, THOUGH.

YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PERSON, MAN.

THANKS.

TRUE FRIEND, MAN --

O.J. AIN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH A TRUE FRIEND, MAN.

UNCLE TOMMY!!

HEY, KADY, KADY.

HEY, UNCLE TOMMY.

HEY, CLAIRE.

MOMMY SAID YOU WERE IN A WHEELCHAIR,

BUT WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING.

WELL, I'M SURE YOU GOT QUESTIONS.

SO YOUR LEGS REALLY DON'T WORK?

NOPE.

CAN YOU FEEL THIS? NOPE.

CAN YOU FEEL THIS? NOPE.

CAN YOU FEEL THIS? OW!

KADY! YOU ARE SO LAME!

WELL, SHE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE.

OH, GOD, UNCLE TOMMY, I AM SO SORRY!

I'M ALWAYS STICKING MY FOOT IN MY MOUTH.

SHOW-OFF.

NO, NO, NO, NO, SEE,

I JUST HAD THIS WHOLE THING AT THE MALL,

AND NOW MY BRAIN IS, LIKE, PARALYZED.

[ GASPS ]

AAH!

CAN I CALL MY FRIENDS

AND TELL THEM THAT THEY CAN COME LOOK AT YOU?

YES. JUST MAKE SURE THEY GIVE YOU MONEY FIRST.

GREAT. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH CLAIRE?

OH, SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU?

APPARENTLY, SHE GOT CAUGHT

STEALING NAIL POLISH AT THE MALL.

SHE CLAIMS SHE DIDN'T DO IT. SHOPLIFTING?

MICHAEL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GETTING INTO THAT GIRL.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT NO MORE WINONA RYDER MOVIES FOR HER.

MAN!

I'M GONNA PUNISH THAT GIRL SO SHE NEVER FORGETS THIS.

GOOD. GOOD. THAT'S CRAZY.

LET ME CHECK ON KADY,

MAKE SURE MY BABY WASN'T TRAUMATIZED BY ALL THIS.

WHERE DOES SHE GET THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM?

UH, YOU.

ME?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IF I RECALL CORRECTLY,

YOU STOLE EVERYTHING THAT WASN'T NAILED DOWN.

YOU STOLE NAILS.

HEY... [ LAUGHS ]

REMEMBER THE TIME WE TOOK THAT FRUIT FROM MR. GLADNEY?

FAT MR. GLADNEY.

Both: YOU BOYS...

CAN'T KEEP COMING HERE AND TAKING MY FOOD.

[ LAUGHS ]

MAN, WE RAN AROUND HIM ABOUT FIVE TIMES.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

HE STILL COULDN'T CATCH US.

YOU WAS GONE, TOO, MAN.

I AIN'T NEVER SEEN YOU RUN SO -- UM...

S-SO OUT OF -- YOU'RE SO OUT OF SODA, MAN.

YOU WANT ANOTHER SODA?

NO, MAN, I DON'T WANT ANOTHER SODA.

I DON'T WANT NO MORE CARROTS.

I WANT TO PLAY SOME BASKETBALL, MAN.

COME ON, LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.

MY BACK HURTS, MAN. IT'S SORE.

YEAH, MINE, TOO -- IT BE HURTING, MAN.

COME ON, MAN. IS THAT A REAL EXCUSE?

JUST THINK OF IT AS YOU HELPING ME

WITH MY PHYSICAL THERAPY, WHATEVER -- PLEASE?

OKAY, LOOK, IF IT'S GONNA HELP, I'LL DO IT.

THANK YOU.

COME ON, COME ON.

[ MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY ]

OH, MAN!

UNH! LOOK AT THAT!

THIS GUY IS GOOD! YOU'RE GETTING BETTER, MAN.

YOU LOOK GOOD, MAN.

YOU GOT A ROCKET IN THAT WHEELCHAIR?

YOU JUST CROSSED ME OVER.

IT'S LIKE YOU GOT BETTER!

COME ON, MAN.

STOP PLAYING ME AND PLAY ME.

I'M PLAYING YOU, I JUST CAN'T DO NOTHING WITH YOU.

YOU'RE CHAIR JORDAN OUT HERE.

YOU WHEEL CHAMBERLAIN OUT HERE--

HE COULD JUMP IN THE WHEELCHAIR, BABY.

COME ON, I'M GONNA DO NOTHING WITH YOU.

YOU CAN'T DO NOTHING WITH ME.

WHEN YOU DONE WITH THE PITY PARTY,

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU READY TO BALL.

TOMMY, COME ON, MAN! TOMMY!

YO, TOMMY!

WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT.

LOOK, BABY, TOMMY'S BRAIN IS TRYING TO DO THINGS

HIS BODY CAN'T DO.

I'M JUST TRYING TO SPARE HIS FEELINGS.

WELL, YOU'RE FAILING.

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

YOU DID IT! WHAT?

YOU PUT THAT STUFF IN MY BAG,

AND NOW I'M GROUNDED FOR TWO MONTHS,

AND THE MALL'S OFF-LIMITS.

TOUGH BREAK -- YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU TOOK THE NAIL POLISH.

COME ON, KADY, IT WAS JUST YOU AND ME IN THE MALL,

AND I KNOW I DIDN'T TAKE THAT STUFF.

I GUESS I DIDN'T THINK THAT THROUGH.

SO WHY'D YOU DO IT?

BECAUSE I WANTED IT, AND YOU WOULDN'T BUY IT FOR ME.

DON'T MAKE ME TELL MOM AND DAD.

GO AHEAD. THEY WON'T BELIEVE YOU ANYWAY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS.

WHO TOOK YOU TO SEE "HARRY POTTER"?

HATED IT!

WHO BRAIDS YOUR HAIR?

WHO TOLD YOU WHERE MOM HID THE COOKIES?

WHO LET YOU SLEEP IN HER BED

WHEN YOU WERE SCARED OF THE THUNDER?

YOU DID. RIGHT.

SO ARE YOU GONNA TELL MOM AND DAD THE TRUTH?

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

[ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW, KADY, EVERY DAY THAT I'M BEING PUNISHED,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LOOK AT ME,

AND YOU'RE GONNA KNOW THE TRUTH.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT?

[ SIGHS ]

HO, LOOK AT THAT MOVE! WHO'S WINNING?

[ TV IN BACKGROUND ]

WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, MAN?

I DON'T LIKE HOW YOU'RE PATRONIZING ME, MAN.

LOOK, TOMMY, THIS IS -- THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME.

IT'S HARD FOR YOU. OKAY.

WELL, HOW ABOUT I GET GOD ON THE PHONE,

AND THEN HE CAN WORK A MIRACLE, HE CAN FIX MY LEGS,

AND THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE?

I'M NOT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

YOU'RE IN DENIAL!

NO, I'M NOT!

YOU'RE DENYING THAT YOU'RE IN DENIAL.

LOOK, MAN, MAYBE I AM IN DENIAL, OKAY,

BECAUSE SOMETHING THIS TERRIBLE HAPPENED TO MY FRIEND.

MIKE, IF I CAN ACCEPT IT, THEN WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT IT?

WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME

LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA CATCH?

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL, I'M SORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION IS PERSONAL, BUT, YEAH.

I MEAN, LIKE, PERSONAL PERSONAL.

OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW

IF JOHNNIE COCHRAN CAN STILL STAND UP AND ADDRESS THE JURY?

YEAH. OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THANK GOD. BEAUTIFUL.

I MEAN, MOST OF ME WORKS, BUT...

MIKE, PLEASE DON'T FOCUS ON THE PART OF ME THAT DOESN'T.

OBVIOUSLY IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN ONE DAY

TO PROCESS THIS, OKAY?

SO MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP. OKAY.

AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU LAY ON THIS COUCH

WHEN I HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD GUEST ROOM UPSTAIRS.

SO COME ON. MIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MIKE, MIKE, MIKE, MIKE!

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME TODAY THAT YOU'VE HAD ME IN YOUR ARMS,

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP THAT WAY.

THIS IS THE WORST PART OF THIS WHOLE THING.

IT'S NOT THAT MY LEGS DON'T WORK, IT'S NOT THE CHAIR --

IT'S THAT PEOPLE SEE THIS CHAIR, AND THEY THINK

THAT I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, LIKE I'M NOT A MAN.

OKAY, THEN I'LL RACE YOU UPSTAIRS. LET'S GO.

THAT'S YOU. THAT'S MIKE.

JUST BE YOURSELF, MAN.

IF I DON'T ASK FOR YOUR HELP, DON'T DO ANYTHING...

YOU KNOW, UNLESS YOU HEAR A THUMP OR SOMETHING.

WAIT A MINUTE,

SO YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED MY HELP IN THE BATHROOM.

NO.

[ Laughing ] BUT IT WAS FUNNY!

YOU WITH THE TONGS.

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

WAS THAT LADLE COLD?

OKAY, LOOK, FROM NOW ON, I'M JUST GONNA TREAT YOU

LIKE I'VE ALWAYS TREATED YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT? COOL.

NO. WHAT?

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU JUST SAY THAT TO ME.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PROVE THAT TO ME.

WE GONNA GO PLAY BALL RIGHT NOW.

YOU WANT TO PLAY SOME ONE-ON-ONE?

RIGHT NOW, FOR REAL, FOR REAL,

AND I DON'T MEAN NONE OF THAT HARLEM GLOBETROTTER,

SOAP-OPERA BASKETBALL. I MEAN SOME REAL BALL.

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO GET MY STUFF.

HEY, MAKE IT INTERESTING,

THE LOSER'S GOTTA PAINT MY HOUSE

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY HALF FINISHED.

HEY, YOU GONNA PLAY HIM AGAIN?

YUP, AND THIS TIME I'M PLAYING FOR REAL.

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

I KNOW THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR YOU.

NOT REALLY -- HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU GUYS.

WHAT'S WRONG, BABY?

I NEED TO CONFESS.

CONFESS ABOUT WHAT?

CLAIRE DIDN'T STEAL THOSE NAIL POLISHES.

I DID.

NO, YOU DIDN'T!

OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD, HOLD. COME BACK HERE.

NOW, DID YOU TAKE THAT STUFF OR NOT?

WELL...I PUT THEM IN HER BAG WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING.

KADY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.

YOU GOT YOUR SISTER IN A LOT OF TROUBLE!

I'M SORRY, I JUST WANTED THE NAIL POLISH.

I'M VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

ME TOO.

ARE YOU GONNA PUNISH ME?

NO. GOOD. SEE YOU!

GET BACK OVER HERE.

YOUR SISTER SUFFERED A LOT BECAUSE OF YOU.

SHE'S GONNA DECIDE WHAT YOUR PUNISHMENT IS.

CAN I JUST GET A SPANKING?

NO, THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY.

MAN, SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!

YEAH, AND WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU.

BYE!

CLAIRE?

GO AWAY!

I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.

TOO LATE!

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT!

WHAT?!

I CONFESSED!

YOU TOLD MOM AND DAD THAT YOU STOLE THE POLISH?

YES! WHAT DID THEY SAY?

DAD SAID YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME MY PUNISHMENT.

REALLY? HOW INTERESTING.

SO YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER I SAY?

YEAH.

HMM, LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS.

WHAT WOULD HURT YOU THE MOST?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT CAN'T BE TOO BAD

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M STILL THE BABY.

WELL, THEN, THAT'S THE PUNISHMENT.

WHAT?

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, YOU CAN NO LONGER

BE CALLED "THE BABY."

BUT THE BABY THING -- THAT'S WHAT I DO!

NOT ANYMORE.

HEY, KADY?

WHAT MADE YOU CONFESS?

I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE MAD AT ME.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

I'M RUNNING CIRCLES AROUND YOU.

YOU AIN'T DOING NOTHING! YOU AIN'T DOING NOTHING!

THE OTHER WAY!

YOU AIN'T DOING NOTHING!

YEAH, YOU BETTER HAVE. YOU BETTER HAVE RAN.

HOW ABOUT IF I SPOT YOU 6 POINTS? WE BOTH HAVE A HANDICAP.

OH, YEAH? YOU WANT TO TALK TRASH, HUH?

YOU A TRASH TALKER?

HERE, THERE YOU GO -- TALK TO THE TRASH.

WHAT -- OH, SEE, THAT'S COLD. YOU HATING.

OH, OH, DON'T THROW UP ON ME.

DON'T THROW UP ON ME.

DON'T THROW UP ON ME.

OH!

BOOYA, BOOYA.

THAT'S AN ILLEGAL PICK.

NO, IT'S NOT.

THESE ARE REGULATION WHEELS.

WHAT -- WHAT YOU DOING?

OH! THAT'S COLD.

THERE YOU GO.

HAVLICEK STOLE THE BALL!

WHAT YOU DOING ABOUT THAT? DAMN, MAN!

COME ON, MIKE! EW!

TURNAROUND FALLAWAY JUMPER -- BING!

I WILL JUMP UP OUT --

AH! WHAT HAPPENED?

I THINK I PINCHED A NERVE IN MY BACK.

REALLY? WHERE?

OH, YOU CHEATING DOG. OH!

[ Panting ] WHEW! MAN!

[ Panting ] THAT WAS A GAME. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

MY LEGS ARE DEAD, MAN.

I'M SORRY.

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. HELP ME UP.

[ GRUNTS ]

ANY TIME, MAN.

MAN, THAT WAS LIKE THE OLD DAYS.

YEAH.

COME ON, LET'S GO GET SOME BEERS, MAN.

YEAH, I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER FIRST, MAN.

HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT?

YOU KNOW, WE GET NAKED, YOU HOLD ME UP.

WE'LL WORK IT OUT. YEAH. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL TAKE YOU TO A CAR WASH AND PUSH YOU THROUGH.

[ LAUGHS ]

CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME CUT MY PANCAKES?

All: CUT 'EM YOURSELF.

CAN SOMEBODY GET ME SOME COFFEE?

All: GET IT YOURSELF.

THAT'S COLD.

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM. YOU CAN'T FLIRT

WHEN SHE'S WITH YOU, THAT'S WHY I WANT HER WITH YOU.

YOU'RE --

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO. GOOD. NO.

GOOD. SEE YOU. GOOD.

NO. SEE YOU.

[ LAUGHING ]