All language subtitles for My.Wife.And.Kids.S03E10.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho Download
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu Download
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,624 --> 00:00:04,934 HEY, SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 2 00:00:04,925 --> 00:00:06,505 TRYING TO GET A DATE FOR THE DANCE. 3 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,007 WELL, LET ME SEE YOU DO YOUR TECHNIQUE. 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,838 LET ME SEE SOME OF THAT. ALL RIGHT. 5 00:00:10,841 --> 00:00:12,631 HEY, BABY. [ LAUGHS ] 6 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:15,143 IT'S YOUR SEXY, LITTLE LOVE MACHINE, 7 00:00:15,136 --> 00:00:18,636 THE MAN OF THE HOUR, TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, 8 00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:20,979 DREAMING ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK IN THE SHOWER. 9 00:00:20,981 --> 00:00:22,311 [ CHUCKLES ] 10 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:25,033 OH, HI, MR. ANDERSON. 11 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,485 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] IS YOUR DAUGHTER HOME? 12 00:00:26,487 --> 00:00:28,987 HELLO? HELLO? 13 00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:30,529 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 14 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,491 MAN, I'M NEVER GONNA GET TO GO TO THE DANCE. 15 00:00:32,493 --> 00:00:34,543 I THINK IT'S YOUR TECHNIQUE. WHAT ABOUT IT? 16 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,615 IT SUCKS. 17 00:00:36,617 --> 00:00:38,417 LOOK, SON, IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO WOMEN, 18 00:00:38,419 --> 00:00:39,419 IT'S SIMPLE. 19 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:41,040 YOU USE THE 3 "C's" -- 20 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,761 CONFIDENCE, COMPLIMENTS, AND CONVERSATION. 21 00:00:44,755 --> 00:00:47,085 IT'S GOOD TO START WITH, 22 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,588 "HEY, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?" 23 00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:51,970 AND THEN YOU JUST KEEP TICKLING THEIR EARS. 24 00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:53,932 IT'S EASY. COME HERE. 25 00:00:53,934 --> 00:00:55,484 I'LL SHOW YOU. YOU BE THE GUY. 26 00:00:55,476 --> 00:00:57,676 WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE GUY? 27 00:00:57,678 --> 00:00:59,558 I WON'T TOUCH THAT ONE. 28 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,100 LOOK, JUST COMPLIMENT ME. 29 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,863 GO AHEAD. 30 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:07,645 HEY, MAN, YOU WANNA GO OUT WITH ME? 31 00:01:07,648 --> 00:01:10,028 NO, JUNIOR, WHAT A WOMAN WANTS 32 00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:12,110 IS FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING TO HER 33 00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:15,003 THAT SHE FEELS YOU NEVER SAID TO ANOTHER WOMAN BEFORE. 34 00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:16,995 "WANNA HAVE MY BABIES?" 35 00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:18,367 LOOK, YOU-- YOU BE THE WOMAN. 36 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,119 YES! HA HA! 37 00:01:24,505 --> 00:01:26,085 HELLO, MISS. 38 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,416 YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, 39 00:01:27,418 --> 00:01:29,878 MY HEART STOPPED, AND I TOLD MYSELF 40 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,630 I DIDN'T WANT TO BREATHE ANOTHER BREATH OF LIFE 41 00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:33,132 UNTIL I KNEW YOUR NAME. 42 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,564 OH, REALLY? 43 00:01:34,555 --> 00:01:36,925 IT'S JUNIOR. 44 00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:39,347 YOU SEE? THE "REALLY," "REALLY." 45 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,060 THAT'S THE EMOTION YOU WANT TO EVOKE. 46 00:01:41,061 --> 00:01:43,981 YOU WANT THEM TO SAY, "REALLY?" UH-HUH? 47 00:01:43,984 --> 00:01:46,364 SEE, BECAUSE WHEN THEY SAY "REALLY," 48 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:49,147 THAT OPENS THE DOOR TO "YES." 49 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,490 OH, THANKS, DAD. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 50 00:01:51,492 --> 00:01:53,612 YOU COULD START BY PRACTICING YOUR TECHNIQUE 51 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,294 ON SOME OF THE WOMEN IN THIS HOUSE. 52 00:01:55,286 --> 00:01:56,996 I DON'T THINK I WANNA BE NICE TO CLAIRE. 53 00:01:56,997 --> 00:01:59,617 JUST TRY IT. [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT. 54 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,540 HEY, CLAIRE, YOU CERTAINLY LOOK HEALTHY TODAY! 55 00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:04,632 DIE. 56 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,085 VALERIE, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT? 57 00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:09,087 YOU THINK SO? OH, I KNOW SO. 58 00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:10,549 YOU LOOK GOOD. 59 00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:12,801 DID YOU DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH YOUR EARS? 60 00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:16,183 I'M WEARING EARRINGS. THANKS FOR NOTICING. 61 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,467 COME ON, LET'S GO. 62 00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:19,018 YOU SEE? HUH? 63 00:02:19,019 --> 00:02:20,559 YOU ALMOST GOT A "REALLY?" 64 00:02:20,561 --> 00:02:22,931 THAT'S WHAT YOU GOTTA GET, THOUGH -- 65 00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:24,233 "REALLY?" 66 00:02:24,225 --> 00:02:25,605 OKAY, OKAY. 67 00:02:25,606 --> 00:02:30,106 KEEP PRACTICING. ALL RIGHT. 68 00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:31,650 OH, NO, NO. NOT MY SOAP. 69 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,732 OH, I MISSED IT. WHAT DID I MISS ON MY SOAP? 70 00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:36,494 GIRL, SIT DOWN. LET ME DISH YOU THE DIRT. 71 00:02:36,487 --> 00:02:39,697 CARLY WENT BACK TO SONNY, LUKE HAS TWO STOMACHS, 72 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,660 AND BRENDA CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD... 73 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,912 AGAIN. 74 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,923 SEE, I KNEW IT, AND I BET YOU THAT SONNY 75 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,165 IS GONNA LEAVE CARLY FOR BRENDA, TOO. 76 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,747 PROBABLY, YOU KNOW HE'S A LOW-DOWN, DIRTY DOG. 77 00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:51,961 TELL ME ABOUT IT. 78 00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:53,502 YOU KNOW, JUST LAST NIGHT, 79 00:02:53,504 --> 00:02:55,974 I HAD -- NEVER MIND. 80 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:57,846 WHAT? COME ON, DISH THE DIRT! 81 00:02:57,848 --> 00:03:00,058 NO, NO, IT'S TOO GROWN-UP. 82 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:02,970 GIRL, I JUST SAT HERE AND WATCHED LUKE GO TO JAIL 83 00:03:02,973 --> 00:03:05,023 AND LAURA GO BANANAS. 84 00:03:05,015 --> 00:03:07,935 OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. LISTEN TO THIS. 85 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:12,268 LAST NIGHT, I HAD A DREAM THAT YOUR FATHER HAD A -- 86 00:03:12,273 --> 00:03:15,413 [ CLEARS THROAT ] A PLAYDATE WITH JANET JACKSON. 87 00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:18,736 SAY WHAT? MM-HMM. 88 00:03:18,739 --> 00:03:21,949 AND HE HAD A CHOICE, TOO. 89 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,992 AND HE DIDN'T CHOOSE YOU? NO, HE DIDN'T. 90 00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:27,594 HE WENT WITH THE RICH, SEXY, HARD-BODY, 91 00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:32,038 MULTITALENTED, MULTIMILLIONAIRE HEIFER. 92 00:03:32,042 --> 00:03:33,542 MOM. WHAT? 93 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:36,804 IT WAS JUST A DREAM. 94 00:03:36,797 --> 00:03:38,927 [ CHUCKLING ] YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 95 00:03:38,929 --> 00:03:40,339 IT WAS. 96 00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:41,841 I'M PROBABLY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT 97 00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:43,012 'CAUSE I TOLD YOUR FATHER I WANTED 98 00:03:43,013 --> 00:03:44,903 TO SEE HER CONCERT THIS WEEK. 99 00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:48,305 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A COOKIE AND A SHOT OF MILK. 100 00:03:48,309 --> 00:03:49,769 [ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. 101 00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:52,310 COME ON, LET'S GO. 102 00:03:52,313 --> 00:03:53,613 OKAY, HERE COMES YOUR MOTHER. 103 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:55,164 WATCH ME DEMONSTRATE THE 3 "C's." 104 00:03:55,155 --> 00:03:56,485 JUST WATCH THE MASTER. 105 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,777 LOOK AT ALL THE CRUMBS ON THE TABLE. 106 00:03:57,778 --> 00:03:58,988 I SWEAR YOU GUYS DON'T THINK 107 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,489 ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELVES. 108 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,161 THAT'S NOT TRUE. I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT YOU. 109 00:04:03,163 --> 00:04:05,633 NOT A MOMENT GOES BY THAT THE ANGEL 110 00:04:05,626 --> 00:04:07,706 OF MY LIFE DOESN'T PASS MY THOUGHTS. 111 00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:12,458 REALLY? 112 00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:14,003 BABY, YOU WANT A SNACK OR SOMETHING? 113 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,644 YEAH, A SANDWICH WILL DO. 114 00:04:15,636 --> 00:04:17,926 OKAY, ONE SANDWICH COMING UP. 115 00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:19,928 HEY, BABY. YOU LOOK SO THIN. 116 00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,090 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST WEIGHT. 117 00:04:21,091 --> 00:04:23,181 REALLY? 118 00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:25,353 BABY, YOU WANT ANYTHING SPECIAL ON THAT SANDWICH? 119 00:04:25,346 --> 00:04:27,596 NO, AS LONG AS IT'S MADE WITH YOUR HANDS, 120 00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,598 I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE SPECIAL. 121 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,310 KIDS, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING -- 122 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:34,272 YOUR MOTHER IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. 123 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,824 NOT EVEN JANET JACKSON COMES CLOSE TO YOUR MOTHER. 124 00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:38,817 JANET JACKSON IS NOT THAT CUTE. 125 00:04:38,819 --> 00:04:40,449 SAY WHAT?! 126 00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:43,491 JANET JACKSON IS FINE! 127 00:04:43,494 --> 00:04:44,714 OH, REALLY? 128 00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:46,665 YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ] 129 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,167 REALLY. 130 00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,208 SO, BABE, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT SANDWICH? 131 00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:53,460 HERE YOU GO. 132 00:04:57,628 --> 00:05:00,088 I TRIED TO WARN YOU. 133 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,470 WHAT HAPPENED? 134 00:05:01,472 --> 00:05:03,382 I FORGOT TO MENTION THE OTHER 3 "C's" -- 135 00:05:03,384 --> 00:05:05,814 CRAMPY, CRANKY, AND CRAZY. 136 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,096 THAT BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT. 137 00:05:08,098 --> 00:05:10,268 BEFORE YOU SETTLE FOR ONE GIRL, 138 00:05:10,270 --> 00:05:12,140 MAKE SURE THAT YOU'VE SAMPLED 139 00:05:12,142 --> 00:05:14,232 EVERY ITEM AT THE BUFFET, OKAY? 140 00:05:14,234 --> 00:05:16,994 CAST YOUR NET FAR AND WIDE, OKAY? 141 00:05:16,987 --> 00:05:20,197 SNIFF EVERY FLOWER. [ SNIFFING ] 142 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,650 YES! YES! YES! 143 00:05:21,652 --> 00:05:23,702 EVERY FLOWER IN THE GARDEN OF LOVE. 144 00:05:23,704 --> 00:05:25,504 OH. YOU MEAN, HAVE OPTIONS? 145 00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:28,206 HAVE...OPTIONS! 146 00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:29,618 YES. 147 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:32,080 YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A BACKUP PLAN -- 148 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,512 PLAN "B." OKAY, I-I'VE GOT IT. 149 00:05:34,505 --> 00:05:36,335 THEN GO OUT THERE AND START SNIFFING, SON. 150 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,006 [ SNIFFING VIGOROUSLY, GRUNTING ] 151 00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:41,958 GET 'EM, BOY! GET 'EM! GET 'EM! 152 00:05:56,687 --> 00:05:58,817 HEY, BEAUTIFUL! 153 00:05:58,819 --> 00:06:00,189 WHO, ME? OF COURSE. 154 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:02,900 I DON'T JUST THROW THAT WORD AROUND. 155 00:06:02,903 --> 00:06:05,333 WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BAG OF POTATO CHIPS! 156 00:06:05,325 --> 00:06:06,655 YEAH, THEY'RE NICE. 157 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:10,197 NO, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, JUST LIKE YOU. 158 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,790 SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 159 00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:14,162 UM, I'M WORKING ON AN ASSIGNMENT WITH CLAIRE. 160 00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:15,634 I JUST CAME DOWN TO GET SOME 161 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:16,996 BEAUTIFUL POTATO CHIPS. 162 00:06:16,997 --> 00:06:18,797 WELL, DON'T FORGET THE SEXY SODAS. 163 00:06:18,799 --> 00:06:20,919 [ CHUCKLES ] 164 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,801 YOU KNOW, I NEVER NOTICED HOW GRACEFUL YOUR WALK IS. 165 00:06:23,804 --> 00:06:26,854 YOU'RE LIKE A GAZELLE BEING CHASED ACROSS THE SERENGETI 166 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:28,057 BY A CHEETAH. 167 00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:29,388 REALLY? 168 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,849 DID YOU JUST SAY "REALLY?" 169 00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:32,641 YES. REALLY? 170 00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,273 [ LAUGHS ] 171 00:06:34,274 --> 00:06:36,074 VALERIE, CAN I ASK YOU 172 00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:38,516 A HYPODERMICAL QUESTION? 173 00:06:38,519 --> 00:06:40,899 IF I WAS TO ASK YOU TO THE DANCE ON SATURDAY NIGHT, 174 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:41,981 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? 175 00:06:41,982 --> 00:06:44,072 I-I-I WOULD SAY YES! 176 00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,494 ARE YOU ASKING ME? 177 00:06:45,486 --> 00:06:48,786 IT WOULD BE AN HONOR TO TAKE A WOMAN AS BEAUTIFUL 178 00:06:48,789 --> 00:06:51,369 AS A BAG OF SALT AND VINEGAR POTATO CHIPS 179 00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:53,491 TO THE DANCE ON SATURDAY NIGHT. 180 00:06:53,494 --> 00:06:55,174 WELL, THANKS, JUNIOR. I CAN'T WAIT. 181 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,795 NEITHER CAN I. 182 00:06:56,797 --> 00:07:00,127 HI, CLAIRE! DIE! 183 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:01,630 WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT? 184 00:07:01,632 --> 00:07:03,382 JUNIOR. 185 00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:06,473 HE WAS SO DASHING AND ROMANTIC. 186 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,547 HE JUST ASKED ME OUT TO THE DANCE. [ CHUCKLES ] 187 00:07:08,549 --> 00:07:11,179 MY BROTHER, JUNIOR, THE ONE WITH THE HEAD? 188 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,351 UH-HUH. 189 00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:13,852 DID HE CRY WHEN YOU SAID NO? 190 00:07:13,854 --> 00:07:15,564 I SAID YES. 191 00:07:15,556 --> 00:07:16,856 YOU SAID WHAT? 192 00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:18,187 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TOGETHER 193 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,898 AND MAKE FUN OF THE GIRLS WHO HAD DATES. 194 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,730 I KNOW. I COULDN'T HELP IT. 195 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,442 THE THINGS HE SAID TO ME... 196 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,203 THE WAY HE LOOKED INTO MY EYES... 197 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,276 THE WAY HE COMPARED ME TO THE POTATO CHIPS. 198 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:31,329 LOOK HOW THIN THEY ARE! 199 00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:34,241 I NEVER REALIZED HOW SWEET JUNIOR WAS BEFORE. 200 00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:35,674 [ PANTING ] [ SLAPS ] 201 00:07:35,666 --> 00:07:38,076 ARE YOU ON DRUGS?! ARE YOU ON DRUGS?! 202 00:07:38,078 --> 00:07:42,458 PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT ON DRUGS! 203 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,642 MMM. MMM! 204 00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:48,885 MMM. HELLO THERE, BEAUTIFULEST THING. 205 00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:51,469 DON'T "BEAUTIFULEST THING" ME, MICHAEL. 206 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,721 WHAT IS THE MATTER, BABY? 207 00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,523 YOU BEEN SNAPPING AT ME ALL DAY. 208 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:55,645 WHAT DID I DO? 209 00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:57,056 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 210 00:07:57,057 --> 00:07:59,097 YOU WERE FOOLING AROUND WITH JANET JACKSON. 211 00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:01,479 I WAS? AND I MISSED IT? 212 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,021 DAMN! 213 00:08:03,023 --> 00:08:05,163 DON'T PLAY THAT INNOCENT ROLE WITH ME, MICHAEL. 214 00:08:05,155 --> 00:08:07,655 I SAW YOU RUBBING ALL OVER HER TIGHT, HARD ABS. 215 00:08:07,658 --> 00:08:09,278 THERE SHE WAS STANDING THERE 216 00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,779 WITH HER SWEAT GLISTENING OFF HER ATHLETIC SHOULDERS, 217 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,662 POOLING DOWN THE SMALL OF HER BACK, 218 00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,084 AND SHE SAYS, 219 00:08:15,075 --> 00:08:18,165 [ As Janet Jackson ] "BABY, DO YOU LIKE IT?" 220 00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:20,038 [ Normal voice ] AND YOU SAY, "MY NAME AIN'T BABY. 221 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,460 IT'S MICHAEL, MR. KYLE, IF YOU'RE NASTY." 222 00:08:24,464 --> 00:08:28,304 DID I SPANK IT? MICHAEL! 223 00:08:28,298 --> 00:08:29,628 IT'S NOT FUNNY. 224 00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:31,390 BABY, WHEN DID THIS EXACTLY HAPPEN? 225 00:08:31,391 --> 00:08:34,941 YOU KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENED -- LAST NIGHT IN MY DREAMS. 226 00:08:34,935 --> 00:08:37,765 OH! WELL, THEN, THAT EXPLAINS IT. 227 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,058 IT WAS IN CRAZYLAND! 228 00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,480 THAT'S NOT FUNNY, MICHAEL, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW 229 00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:42,901 MY DREAMS HAVE A WAY OF COMING TRUE. 230 00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:44,653 YOU KNOW THAT. OH, REALLY? 231 00:08:44,645 --> 00:08:46,525 YES. DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME 232 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,066 WHEN I DREAMT THAT IT WAS RAINING, 233 00:08:48,068 --> 00:08:50,528 AND WHEN I WOKE UP, IT WAS RAINING? 234 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,030 WOW. 235 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,822 IT'S LIKE THE TIME THAT I WAS SLEEPING, 236 00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:57,374 AND I WOKE UP 'CAUSE I WAS SLEEPING. 237 00:08:57,367 --> 00:08:59,497 DON'T MOCK MY GIFT, MICHAEL. 238 00:08:59,499 --> 00:09:01,119 DON'T MOCK IT. 239 00:09:01,121 --> 00:09:02,371 I'M TELLING YOU, MICHAEL, 240 00:09:02,372 --> 00:09:03,752 I'VE BEEN READING ALL ABOUT IT. 241 00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:06,474 IT SAYS RIGHT HERE THAT WHEN A DREAM 242 00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:09,546 IS AS CLEAR AND COMPLETE AS MINE IS, 243 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,469 THAT MEANS THAT IT IS A PREMONITION OF THINGS TO COME. 244 00:09:11,471 --> 00:09:12,471 RIGHT THERE. 245 00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:13,972 WHO WROTE THAT BOOK -- 246 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:16,604 [ As Miss Cleo ] MISS CLEO AND THE PSYCHIC CLUB? 247 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,057 CALL ME NOW. 248 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,888 WOMAN, CALL ME NOW AND I'LL TELL YOU A LIE. 249 00:09:20,891 --> 00:09:21,891 JUST CALL ME NOW. 250 00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:23,062 YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHAEL? 251 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,323 LAUGH IT ON UP. MAKE JOKES. 252 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,815 FROM HERE ON OUT, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, 253 00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,898 WHILE I'M SLEEPING, I... 254 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,570 GOT MY EYE... 255 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,451 ON YOU. 256 00:09:34,454 --> 00:09:35,874 [ Normal voice ] HEY, BABY. WHAT? 257 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,076 YOU LOOK GOOD IN THEM JEANS. 258 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,077 DID YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT? 259 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,408 REALLY? YOU THINK SO? 260 00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:40,409 YEAH, THEY LOOK ALL LOOSE. 261 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,750 FOR REAL? 262 00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:44,462 I-I-I HAVE BEEN WATCHING MY SODIUM AND -- 263 00:09:44,464 --> 00:09:46,764 SHUT UP! 264 00:09:46,757 --> 00:09:49,167 [ As Miss Cleo ] I SAID CALL ME NOW, WOMAN! 265 00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:52,669 TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND THEN CALL ME AGAIN. 266 00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:07,105 There she is. Remember the 3 "c's" -- 267 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,027 confidence, compliment, and conversation. 268 00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:11,650 Confidence. 269 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:15,832 HELLO, AMBER. 270 00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:16,826 HI. 271 00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:18,497 MIND IF I COP A SQUAT? 272 00:10:18,498 --> 00:10:20,578 [ CHUCKLES ] IT'S A FREE COUNTRY. 273 00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:24,120 [ LAUGHS ] 274 00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:30,956 I PLAN EVERY MOVE I MAKE. HA. 275 00:10:33,093 --> 00:10:34,723 SO, IS THAT PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING, 276 00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:37,845 OR DO YOU JUST NATURALLY SMELL LIKE WARM BISCUITS? 277 00:10:37,848 --> 00:10:39,928 THAT'S KIND OF SWEET. 278 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,060 THANK YOU...JOHN? 279 00:10:42,062 --> 00:10:46,192 YEAH. 280 00:10:48,979 --> 00:10:50,439 SO, WHAT YOU GOT THERE? 281 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,770 OH, THESE ARE SOME PLAYBILLS FROM THE THEATER. 282 00:10:52,773 --> 00:10:54,483 I LOVE THEATER. OH, ME TOO. 283 00:10:54,484 --> 00:10:55,994 WHICH PLAY IS YOUR FAVORITE? 284 00:10:55,986 --> 00:10:58,326 THE ONE ABOUT CATS -- WHAT'S IT CALLED? 285 00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,368 "CATS?" HA, THAT ONE. 286 00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:02,910 YOU SURE KNOW YOUR THEATER. 287 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,583 THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU, JOHN. 288 00:11:04,584 --> 00:11:05,964 IT MIGHT BE MY NAME. 289 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:09,086 NO. I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT... 290 00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:10,089 BUT IT'S KIND OF CUTE. 291 00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:11,920 [ CHUCKLES ] 292 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:14,052 Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. 293 00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:15,304 AMBER, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME? 294 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:17,005 IF YOU SAY NO, I'LL UNDERSTAND. 295 00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:18,927 YOUR HAIR MIGHT GET DIRTY, YOU MIGHT BE TURNING AMISH. 296 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,679 I DON'T DESERVE YOU. WHY DID I ASK? 297 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,350 I'LL JUST TAKE GRANDMA. 298 00:11:23,353 --> 00:11:26,693 I'D LOVE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU, JOHN. 299 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,646 I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8:00. 300 00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:41,619 TELL THE TRUTH, JUNIOR. BE HONEST. 301 00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:42,821 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING HONEST. 302 00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:43,993 JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. 303 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,384 BE BACK IN A SECOND, CLAIRE. 304 00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:48,955 Oh, Valerie. No, come here. Come here. 305 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,591 VALERIE... 306 00:11:52,592 --> 00:11:53,632 I CAN'T GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU. 307 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:54,893 WHAT? 308 00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:56,385 I CAN'T GO INTO THE DETAILS 309 00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:59,926 BECAUSE IT'S SOME TOP-SECRET, FBI, CIA, 310 00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:02,340 CSI-TYPE STUFF, 311 00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:04,262 AND I DON'T WANNA PUT YOU IN ANY DANGER. 312 00:12:04,264 --> 00:12:07,064 THE LESS YOU KNOW ABOUT PROJECT... 313 00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:10,557 "WHATCHAMACALLIT," THE SAFER YOU'LL BE. 314 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,110 OH, OKAY. WELL, I HOPE EVERYTHING -- 315 00:12:13,113 --> 00:12:14,733 SHH! SHH. SHH. SHH. 316 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,164 They'll hear you. 317 00:12:16,156 --> 00:12:19,356 The walls have eyes. 318 00:12:19,359 --> 00:12:22,199 DUCK! OH! 319 00:12:22,202 --> 00:12:24,572 PRETEND WE NEVER MET. 320 00:12:24,574 --> 00:12:26,634 I CALLED THIS FAMILY MEETING TO LET ALL OF YOU KNOW 321 00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:29,366 MY BROTHER, JUNIOR, IS A LOW-DOWN, DIRTY RAT. 322 00:12:29,369 --> 00:12:32,209 WE ALREADY KNOW THAT. NOW, PUT "RUGRATS" BACK ON. 323 00:12:32,212 --> 00:12:33,962 NO, WE'RE GONNA LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER. 324 00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:35,684 NOW, WHAT'S WRONG, CLAIRE? 325 00:12:35,675 --> 00:12:38,335 IT'S ALL OVER SCHOOL MY BIG-HEADED BROTHER IS TAKING 326 00:12:38,338 --> 00:12:39,678 LITTLE MISS POPULARITY TO THE DANCE 327 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:41,009 INSTEAD OF MY BEST FRIEND VALERIE, 328 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,431 WHO HE ALREADY COMMITTED TO. 329 00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:45,562 IT'S ALL OVER SCHOOL? [ CHUCKLES ] COOL. 330 00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:47,185 UH... 331 00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,847 THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE WINKING, SON. 332 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,810 YEAH, BUT YOU SAID GO TO THE BUFFET LINE 333 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,772 AND SAMPLE ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF FOOD. 334 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,533 I DIDN'T SAY THAT. YES, YOU DID. 335 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,355 NO, I DIDN'T. YEAH. 336 00:12:57,357 --> 00:12:59,237 OKAY, WHEN I SAID "FOOD," 337 00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:02,739 I MEANT THE NOURISHMENT THAT WOMEN PROVIDE FOR -- 338 00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:03,742 FOR A MAN'S SOUL. 339 00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:05,213 OH, REALLY?! 340 00:13:05,205 --> 00:13:06,615 YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ELSE DAD SAID? 341 00:13:06,616 --> 00:13:08,286 YES, BABY, TELL MOMMY WHAT-- DAD SAID -- 342 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,288 WOULD YOU STOP KICKING ME? 343 00:13:13,373 --> 00:13:15,223 DAD SAID WOMEN ARE LIKE FISH... WHAT? 344 00:13:15,215 --> 00:13:17,965 AND TO CAST MY NETS OUT FAR AND WIDE. 345 00:13:17,968 --> 00:13:19,338 WE'RE LIKE FISH, HUH? 346 00:13:19,339 --> 00:13:21,469 WELL, WHAT KIND OF FISH MIGHT I BE? 347 00:13:21,471 --> 00:13:25,481 YOU -- YOU...ARE MORE THAN TROUT. 348 00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:29,927 AND -- AND BIGGER THAN -- BIGGER THAN WHAT? 349 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,310 THAN... 350 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,942 A GUPPY. 351 00:13:34,935 --> 00:13:37,105 A MERMAID IS WHAT YOU ARE, BABY. 352 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,397 YOU'RE ARIEL, SWIMMING UPSTREAM, GOING, 353 00:13:39,399 --> 00:13:40,939 ♪ NA-DA-DA-DA-DEE ♪ 354 00:13:40,941 --> 00:13:43,201 SHUT UP, MICHAEL. 355 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:45,953 YOU KNOW WHAT, JUNIOR? I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. 356 00:13:45,946 --> 00:13:47,656 I BET THAT GIRL IS DEVASTATED. 357 00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:50,207 SHE IS, AND UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE, 358 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,620 I'M NOT SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU. 359 00:13:51,621 --> 00:13:52,951 COME ON, GIRLS, LET'S GO. 360 00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:57,053 I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND THESE TWO. 361 00:13:58,418 --> 00:13:59,758 SON, WHAT'S THAT? 362 00:13:59,759 --> 00:14:02,169 HMM? OUCH! 363 00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:07,474 I DID WHAT YOU SAID, DAD! I WENT TO PLAN "B"! 364 00:14:07,467 --> 00:14:11,017 YOU DON'T GO TO PLAN "B" UNTIL PLAN "A" FAILS! 365 00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:12,271 OH. 366 00:14:12,272 --> 00:14:13,522 YOU MADE A COMMITMENT TO THAT GIRL, 367 00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:15,243 AND THEN YOU WENT BACK ON YOUR WORD. 368 00:14:15,235 --> 00:14:17,645 THAT'S NO WAY TO BEHAVE. BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN AMBER. 369 00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,437 I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE! 370 00:14:19,439 --> 00:14:20,979 YOU MADE A COMMITMENT, [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 371 00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:22,861 AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HONOR THAT AS A MAN. 372 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,572 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN 373 00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,494 AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. HI, MR. KYLE. 374 00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,787 DAMN! I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME AT THAT DANCE, SON. 375 00:14:29,789 --> 00:14:34,659 GOOD NIGHT, DAD. GOOD NIGHT, SON. 376 00:14:34,664 --> 00:14:39,134 MY SON, THE FISHERMAN. 377 00:14:47,807 --> 00:14:49,137 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? 378 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,349 NOTHING IMPORTANT. NOTHING, NOTHING. 379 00:14:51,351 --> 00:14:53,771 OH, OKAY. 380 00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,233 WHY ARE YOU SO FAR AWAY? YOU AFRAID OF ME? 381 00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:57,856 I DON'T BITE. COME HERE. 382 00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,187 YES, MA'AM. 383 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,940 CAN YOU STOP CALLING ME "MA'AM"? 384 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,152 YES, MY SWEET HONEYDEW MELON. 385 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,374 [ GIGGLES ] 386 00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:07,405 SAY SOMETHING ELSE SWEET TO ME. 387 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,947 THE SIGHT OF THE MOONLIGHT 388 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,239 BASKING IN THE GLOW OF YOUR EYELIDS 389 00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:13,371 IS A THRILL BEYOND COMPARE. 390 00:15:13,373 --> 00:15:16,043 HOLD ME TIGHTER. [ SIGHS ] 391 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,999 YOUR SKIN IS AS SMOOTH AS A BABY'S BOTTOM... 392 00:15:22,002 --> 00:15:24,632 AFTER THE APPLICATION OF DESENEX OINTMENT. 393 00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:26,434 THAT'S ENOUGH, OKAY? 394 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,046 I'M SORRY, AMBER, IT'S JUST THAT 395 00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:29,758 I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IN A MILLION YEARS 396 00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:30,889 THAT I'D BE HERE WITH YOU. 397 00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:34,720 OH, I'M FLATTERED. 398 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,110 JUNIOR, CAN I ASK YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING? 399 00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:43,822 OH, SURE. 400 00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:46,873 IF YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND AND WE SPLIT UP, 401 00:15:46,866 --> 00:15:49,196 AND I SAID I WAS SORRY AND I WANTED TO START OVER, 402 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,659 THEN WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? 403 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:53,160 I'D SAY, "BABY, I FORGIVE YOU. 404 00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:56,293 "AND WHATEVER PROBLEMS WE HAVE, WE CAN WORK THEM OUT... 405 00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:58,746 WITH KISSES." 406 00:15:58,748 --> 00:16:00,128 YOU ARE SO SWEET. 407 00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,790 YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO SAY. 408 00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:03,631 [ CHUCKLES ] 409 00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:06,553 YO, LITTLE MAN. 410 00:16:06,546 --> 00:16:08,136 CAN TY JACKSON GET THIS DANCE? 411 00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:11,888 SORRY, MAN, I'M STRAIGHT, BUT MAYBE ON A FAST SONG. 412 00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:14,011 I THINK HE MEANS ME, JUNIOR. 413 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,024 THIS IS TY JACKSON, MY EX-BOYFRIEND. 414 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,016 WOMAN, LET'S GO WORK THIS OUT WITH KISSES. 415 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,941 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 416 00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:26,703 FROM THIS POINT ON, I'M DONE WITH WOMEN. 417 00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:27,696 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, SON? 418 00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:30,447 I WANT TO BE GAY, DAD. 419 00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,030 I SHOULD HAVE DANCED WITH TY JACKSON 420 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:34,242 WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. 421 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,754 YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT. 422 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,205 THAT'S A PAINFUL DECISION YOU'RE MAKING. 423 00:16:37,207 --> 00:16:38,497 IT'S NOT LIKE GOLF. 424 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,668 THERE'S NO DO-OVER, NO MULLIGANS. 425 00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:43,211 I HAVE NO LUCK WITH WOMEN. 426 00:16:43,213 --> 00:16:44,833 I NEVER HAVE, AND I NEVER WILL. 427 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,054 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE JUST GETTING 428 00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:48,336 A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE, SON. 429 00:16:48,338 --> 00:16:50,718 YEAH. IT'S LIKE THE GOOD BOOK SAYS, 430 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,470 "YOU WEAR WHAT YOU SEW." 431 00:16:54,474 --> 00:16:57,104 YEAH, I THINK IT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 432 00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:59,597 WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO GO BACK TO PLAN "B." 433 00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:00,899 AND WHAT'S THAT? 434 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,140 VALERIE'S ALREADY GOT HER DRESS, 435 00:17:02,142 --> 00:17:03,602 AND THE DANCE IS ONLY HALF OVER. 436 00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:06,323 JUNIOR, IT'S NOT THAT EASY WITH WOMEN. 437 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,276 YOU EXPECT HER TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU SHOW UP? 438 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,199 LOOK, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS SAY YOU'RE SORRY 439 00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:13,362 ON 3 DIFFERENT LEVELS -- 440 00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:15,213 I CALL THEM THE 3 "A's." 441 00:17:15,205 --> 00:17:17,205 FIRST OF ALL, YOU APOLOGIZE. 442 00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,157 SECONDLY, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE 443 00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,079 THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG. 444 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,371 AND THIRDLY, YOU ASSURE HER 445 00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:25,223 THAT YOU WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. 446 00:17:25,215 --> 00:17:27,625 SO HOW DO I KNOW IF IT'S WORKING? 447 00:17:27,627 --> 00:17:31,007 OKAY, IF YOU CAN GET HER TO SAY, 448 00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:34,170 [ High-pitched voice ] "WELL..." 449 00:17:34,174 --> 00:17:37,104 [ Normal voice ] THAT'S THE KEY BACK INTO HER HEART. 450 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,677 I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MANY RULES WITH WOMEN. 451 00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,179 IT'S LIKE THERE'S AN INSTRUCTION BOOKLET. 452 00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:42,481 [ SCOFFS ] YOU'RE RIGHT. 453 00:17:42,482 --> 00:17:43,772 WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE MANUAL 454 00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:44,813 FOR WHEN THEY START TO BREAK DOWN. 455 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:48,404 [ BOTH SIGH ] 456 00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,238 DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN MEN LIE? 457 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,820 THEY BUILD YOU UP JUST TO LET YOU DOWN. 458 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,151 AND DON'T YOU HATE IT 459 00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,493 WHEN THEY PRETEND TO LISTEN TO YOU, 460 00:17:54,494 --> 00:17:56,044 STARE IN YOUR FACE, NOD THEIR HEAD, 461 00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:57,035 BUT THEY DON'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING? 462 00:17:57,036 --> 00:17:58,746 [ ALL ] YEAH. 463 00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,498 AND DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THEY DUNK THEIR COOKIE 464 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,620 IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S MILK? 465 00:18:01,621 --> 00:18:03,161 [ ALL ] YEAH. 466 00:18:03,163 --> 00:18:05,213 AND DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THEY KEEP COMING AROUND, 467 00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:07,085 BUYING YOU FLOWERS, SAYING HOW NICE YOU LOOK, 468 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,006 AND CALLING YOU "BEAUTIFUL"? 469 00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:13,208 STAY OUT OF THIS, CLAIRE. 470 00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:14,633 OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S THE MATTER? 471 00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:15,814 THEY GOT A WAR COUNCIL SET UP IN THERE. 472 00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:17,015 WHAT'S A WAR COUNCIL? 473 00:18:17,016 --> 00:18:18,306 THERE'S WHERE A GROUP OF WOMEN 474 00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:19,808 GET TOGETHER, THEY EAT ICE CREAM, 475 00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:21,519 AND WORK THEMSELVES UP INTO A FRENZY 476 00:18:21,521 --> 00:18:22,601 COMPLAINING ABOUT MEN. 477 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,892 OH, MY GOD. THEY GOT KADY. 478 00:18:24,894 --> 00:18:27,114 LOOK AT HER, FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. 479 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,936 SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE CUJO IN THERE. 480 00:18:29,939 --> 00:18:32,729 I'M NOT SCARED OF THAT. WELL, YOU OUGHT TO BE, OKAY? 481 00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:35,242 NOW, WE'RE GOING IN THERE. WE'RE GONNA WALK QUICKLY. 482 00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,655 DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THOSE WOMEN. 483 00:18:37,657 --> 00:18:38,827 I REPEAT -- 484 00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:42,328 DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. COME ON. 485 00:18:42,332 --> 00:18:44,372 HEY, LADIES! Y'ALL LOOK SO THIN! 486 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,844 SORRY I CAN'T HANG OUT AND TALK TO YOU. 487 00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:47,165 OH, DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME. 488 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,207 DON'T--KYLE, DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME! 489 00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:51,049 VALERIE, CAN I TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE, PLEASE? 490 00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:52,590 I WOULDN'T LISTEN, GIRL. 491 00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:54,382 GET OUTTA HERE. 492 00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:57,684 BE STRONG, GIRL. [ SIGHS ] 493 00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,347 WHAT DO YOU WANT? [ SIGHS ] 494 00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:00,969 LOOK... 495 00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:02,850 I COULDN'T REALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME AT THE DANCE 496 00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:04,432 BECAUSE I FELT SO GUILTY AND ASHAMED 497 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,484 ABOUT THE WAY I TREATED YOU -- 498 00:19:05,475 --> 00:19:07,315 SHE DUMPED YOU. YEAH. 499 00:19:07,317 --> 00:19:08,727 BUT I STILL FEEL GUILTY AND ASHAMED 500 00:19:08,728 --> 00:19:10,108 BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A SWEET PERSON. 501 00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:13,229 AND TY SHOWED UP, TOO? YEAH. 502 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:14,773 LOOK, VALERIE... 503 00:19:14,774 --> 00:19:17,544 I REALLY WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAY I TREATED YOU. 504 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:19,327 NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE USED, 505 00:19:19,329 --> 00:19:21,869 AND I NEVER WANNA MAKE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING FEEL 506 00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:23,411 THE WAY I FEEL RIGHT NOW. 507 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:25,253 YOU KNOW, YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I THOUGHT 508 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,585 WOULD HAVE DONE THAT TO ME. 509 00:19:27,587 --> 00:19:29,417 YEAH. SO, CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS? 510 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,209 NO. [ CHUCKLES ] NO, SERIOUSLY. 511 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,341 OH, I AM SERIOUS, JUNIOR. 512 00:19:32,342 --> 00:19:33,672 I CAN'T TRUST YOU. 513 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,133 I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS. 514 00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:36,894 I AM A GOOD GUY. 515 00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,006 VALERIE, LISTEN TO MY WORDS. 516 00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:40,258 I'M SORRY I HURT YOU. 517 00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,890 I MADE A MISTAKE. 518 00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:45,141 AND I PROMISE TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN. 519 00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:46,274 [ Sighing ] WELL... 520 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:48,226 HMM? IT'S NOT GONNA WORK. 521 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,938 [ SIGHS ] HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT? 522 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,570 YOU LOOK SO THIN! 523 00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:55,912 AND AS I WALK AWAY, I'M GONNA LOOK EVEN THINNER. 524 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:03,529 HEY, BABE. [ CLICKING ] 525 00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:05,253 ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME? 526 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,085 IT'S A VERY INTENSE DREAM, MICHAEL. 527 00:20:07,086 --> 00:20:08,536 I JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT. 528 00:20:08,538 --> 00:20:10,918 OKAY. FINE. THEN I'M GONNA HELP YOU OUT. 529 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,670 I'M GONNA TELL YOU THE TRUTH, OKAY? 530 00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,382 I DO DREAM ABOUT JANET. YOU -- 531 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,724 OKAY? I DREAM ABOUT MAKING LOVE TO HER. OOH! 532 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,596 I LUST AFTER THAT WOMAN. YOU NASTY -- 533 00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:21,178 I WOULD LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR JANET. 534 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,010 THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE SHE'S THE MOST 535 00:20:23,012 --> 00:20:25,522 INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD TO ME. 536 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,725 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT TO ME, MICHAEL. 537 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,397 YOU KNOW WHY? WHY? 538 00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:32,019 BECAUSE THE JANET THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT IS YOU -- 539 00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:34,401 MY WIFE, JANET MARIE KYLE -- 540 00:20:34,404 --> 00:20:36,994 MY LOVER, MY BEST FRIEND. 541 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,316 REALLY? 542 00:20:39,319 --> 00:20:40,989 YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] 543 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,030 I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 544 00:20:43,032 --> 00:20:46,462 I KNOW I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE CRAZY, AND... 545 00:20:46,456 --> 00:20:47,746 I'VE BEEN SILLY, OKAY? 546 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,367 AND IT WAS JUST A DREAM. 547 00:20:49,369 --> 00:20:51,459 AND I OVERREACTED. I'M SORRY. 548 00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:54,541 I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT BECAUSE I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU. 549 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,224 REALLY? WHAT? 550 00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:59,215 I GOT THESE BEFORE YOU HAD YOUR DREAM, OKAY? 551 00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,588 IN THIS ENVELOPE ARE 2 FRONT-ROW TICKETS 552 00:21:01,591 --> 00:21:02,931 TO SEE JANET JACKSON. 553 00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:05,182 [ GASPS, SCREAMS ] ARE YOU SERIOUS?! 554 00:21:05,184 --> 00:21:06,734 I LOVE JANET JACKSON! 555 00:21:06,726 --> 00:21:08,726 KADY! GET DRESSED, BABY! 556 00:21:08,728 --> 00:21:11,728 MOMMY'S TAKING YOU TO SEE JANET JACKSON! 557 00:21:21,611 --> 00:21:23,241 BYE-BYE. 558 00:21:23,242 --> 00:21:24,452 HEY, SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 559 00:21:24,454 --> 00:21:25,874 TRYING TO GET A DATE FOR THE DANCE. 560 00:21:25,865 --> 00:21:27,325 I'M GOING THROUGH MY LITTLE BLACK BOOK. 561 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,577 OH, I-I MESSED THAT UP. 562 00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:32,618 NAH. [groans] 563 00:21:32,622 --> 00:21:35,212 I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE OTHER 3 "C's" -- 564 00:21:35,214 --> 00:21:39,634 CRAMPY, CRAZY, AND CRUCKY. 37432

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.