Original subtitles

[ LAUGHING ]

HE SAID, "POINT WITH IT."

PLEASE, MR. KYLE, TELL US ANOTHER ONE.

NO! NO! NO!

COME ON, MICHAEL, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH.

PLEASE, MRS. KYLE, HE'S SO FUNNY.

IT'S LIKE BEING WITH THE COS!

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] WELL, YOU SEE,

THE BOY KNOWS GOOD, CLEAN COMEDY.

[ LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY ]

HERE, HAVE A FISH STICK PUDDING POP.

FISH STICK PUDDING POP.

OH, YEAH, I FEEL LIKE I'M THEO,

WATCHING THE COS DO THE IMPRESSION OF THE COS!

[ Normal voice ] OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER JOKE FOR YOU.

LISTEN --

WHAT KIND OF TEETH CAN YOU GET FOR A DOLLAR?

WHAT KIND?

BUCK TEETH!

BUCK...TEETH!

THAT'S STUPID.

[ Laughing ] WHY IS IT THAT ONLY TONY APPRECIATES

MY SENSE OF HUMOR?

BECAUSE WE'VE ALL HEARD THIS ACT BEFORE, MR. COSBY.

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] I'M GONNA BITE YOUR BOTTOM IF YOU DON'T STOP.

COME ON, MICHAEL.

[ Normal voice ] YEAH, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THIS.

OH, OH, NO, PLEASE. ALLOW ME.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO

AFTER YOU PREPARED SUCH AN EXQUISITE AND ELEGANT MEAL.

I NEVER HAD FISH STICKS AND PEAS PREPARED THAT WAY BEFORE.

THANKS, TONY.

THAT'S A GENTLEMAN. THAT IS A GENTLEMAN.

HE'S A KISS-UP.

YEAH, WHAT A WUSS.

KADY, THAT'S NOT NICE.

JUNIOR, TAKE YOUR SISTER UPSTAIRS AND GET HER READY FOR BED.

WHY ME?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T FIND MY JOKES FUNNY.

NOW GO.

BUCK TEETH! I GOT THOSE, SEE?

[ LAUGHING ]

I FEEL LIKE RUDY SITTING NEXT TO THEO

SITTING NEXT TO THE COS!

[ LAUGHING SLOWS ]

LET'S GO, KADY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

CLAIRE... HUH?

I'M JEALOUS.

OF WHAT?

THAT PLATE.

BECAUSE YOU'RE HOLDING IT INSTEAD OF ME.

AWW.

OHH.

WAS I THAT CORNY BACK IN THE DAY?

YES, AND YOU STILL ARE.

I'M CORNY? YOU ARE CORNY.

MOM AND DAD, TONY HAS TO BE GOING NOW.

OH, SO SOON? WE WERE REALLY ENJOYING YOUR COMPANY!

THANKS, MRS. KYLE.

I'D LOVE TO STAY AND HEAR MORE GREAT JOKES,

BUT I HAVE MY PRAYER MEETING TONIGHT.

YOU REMEMBER WHAT THE GOOD BOOK SAYS ABOUT FORNICATING.

DAD!

NO, CLAIRE, HE'S RIGHT. IT'S BAD.

TAKE CARE, TONE.

JUST THINK --

14 MORE HOURS UNTIL I SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE

IN FIRST PERIOD.

I'LL BE COUNTING THE MINUTES.

I ALREADY DID. THERE'S ONLY 840 LEFT.

[ GIGGLES ]

[ COUGHS LOUDLY ]

GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.

BYE.

HEY, TAKE CARE, TONE.

[ SIGHS ]

OH, BABY.

YOU LOOK SO HAPPY.

YEAH. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, CLAIRE,

I USED TO THINK TONY'S WHOLE GENTLEMAN THING WAS A PUT-ON.

BUT THE MORE I SPEND TIME WITH HIM,

THE MORE I THINK HE'S GOOD FOR YOU.

SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I'M JUST SAYING THAT I LIKE HIM.

I MEAN, I REALLY, REALLY LIKE HIM.

[ LOUD SOBBING ]

IT'S OKAY, TONY.

I KNOW WHY SHE BROKE UP WITH ME, MR. KYLE!

IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT COOL ENOUGH!

NO. SURE, YOU'RE COOL.

YOU JUST NEED TO GET THE SNOT AND STUFF OFF YOUR FACE.

I CAN'T!

I CAN'T.

TONY, STOP CRYING, MAN. COME ON.

LOOK, HEY, YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU

ANOTHER ONE OF MY FUNNY JOKES?

O-O-OKAY.

[ SOBBING ]

OKAY, OKAY.

WHAT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL A SLEEPWALKING NUN?

I DON'T KNOW.

[ CHUCKLES ] A "ROAMING" CATHOLIC, GET IT?

A ROAMING CATHOLIC.

THAT'S BLASPHEMY, MR. KYLE!

[ SOBBING RESUMES ]

HEY, HEY, HEY.

[ Imitating Bill Cosby ] LOOK WHO JUST COME BY TO SEE TONY!

OKAY, COS IS GETTING BACK TO CAMILLE.

[ Normal voice ] HEY, LOOK.

DO YOU WANT ME TO HEAT UP SOME FISH STICKS AND PEAS, TONY?

I GOT SOME IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

I CAN'T EAT, MR. KYLE.

MAKE THE PAIN STOP!

I CAN'T TAKE IT! MY HEART HURTS TOO BAD!

I CAN'T BREATHE!

COME HERE, COME HERE.

YOU PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, YOUNG MAN!

OWWWW!

I'M SORRY. OWW! OWW!

I WAS JUST TRYING --

I WAS TRYING TO SNAP YOU OUT OF IT.

I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT HER, MR. KYLE!

YOU WON'T HAVE TO, TONY.

COME ON.

LISTEN, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

COME ON. OWWW!

IF I KNOW MY DAUGHTER,

SHE'S PROBABLY THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.

REALLY?

YEAH.

HI, TONY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHO'S HE?!!

AAAHHHH!

AAAHHHH!

AAAHH!

WE WERE JUST WATCHING A REALLY SAD MOVIE TOGETHER.

SO, CLAIRE, WHO'S YOUR NEW FRIEND HERE?

OH, THIS IS JASON.

CORRECTION, WOMAN --

ONLY YOU GOT THE PRIVILEGE TO CALL ME THAT.

NOW, YOU --

YOU COULD CALL ME 1040-E.Z.

WHY -- YOU MAKE LESS THAN $10,000 A YEAR?

NAH, 'CAUSE I'LL BE TAXIN' MY WOMEN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND PLUS, I COULD DRINK 10 40s REAL EASY.

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, CLAIRE, I'M GONNA HOLLER AT YOU LATER, BABE.

OOH, HOLLER BACK.

WHOO-HOO!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

ISN'T HE GREAT, DADDY? [ GIGGLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ CRACKS ]

OH. SHOOT.

[ SIGHS ]

OH. HMM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HEY, JUNIOR.

HEY, MOM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M USING THE GAP IN MY TEETH TO SHARPEN MY PENCIL.

WHAT ARE YOU, A WOODCHUCK? GIVE ME THAT.

AND WHAT ARE YOU DRAWING, ANYWAY?

IT'S A DRAGON RIPPING THE FLESH OFF OF A COW'S CARCASS.

HONEY...

WHY DON'T YOU SKETCH A FLOWER IN BLOOM

OR THE SUN RISING AT DAWN -- SOMETHING PRETTY?

WELL, HOW ABOUT I DRAW YOU, MOM?

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET, BABY.

CAN YOU DO THAT?

SURE. IF I CAN DRAW A DRAGON, I CAN DRAW YOU.

IT'S OVER, DAD. END OF DISCUSSION.

LOOK, CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!

IT'S OVER AND THAT'S THAT.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US.

HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND.

YEAH, BUT DON'T MY FEELINGS MEAN ANYTHING IN THIS?

HEY, WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?

CLAIRE BROKE UP WITH TONY,

AND DADDY CAN'T STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.

WILL YOU TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER? TALK SOME SENSE...

YOU CAN TALK ALL YOU WANT.

IT'S OVER, AND THAT'S THAT. COME ON, KADY.

YEAH, WELL, I'M STILL GONNA SEE HIM.

COME ON, COME ON, SIT IT DOWN.

COME ON, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

THE -- THE GUY WAS PERFECT FOR HER.

HE WAS SENSITIVE, HE'S SMART.

HE LOVED MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THAT.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

YOU SAID THE 3 WORDS

A GIRL NEVER WANTS TO HEAR FROM HER FATHER --

"I LIKE HIM."

YEAH, BUT I DO LIKE HIM.

SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, MICHAEL.

WHEN YOU'RE A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL,

YOUR BOYFRIEND SERVES ONE PURPOSE --

TO PISS OFF YOUR PARENTS.

SHE CERTAINLY SUCCEEDED WITH THIS NEW CLOWN SHE'S DATING.

WHAT? DID YOU MEET HIM?

HIS NAME IS A NUMBER --

1040-25-90210 OR SOMETHING.

HE'S A ZIP CODE.

OKAY, THAT MAKES SENSE.

HE'S HER BAD BOY. EVERY GIRL HAS TO HAVE ONE.

YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MICHAEL? TRUST ME.

SHE'S GONNA GET OVER IT.

HEY.

YES.

WAS I YOUR BAD BOY?

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU KNOCKED ME UP AT 16.

IT DOESN'T GET ANY BADDER THAN THAT.

[ SIGHS ] IS IT DONE YET? NO.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

I'M NEVER GONNA FINISH IT IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING.

OKAY.

OKAY.

COME ON, HORSEY, GIDDAP.

NO, NO, NO.

THE HORSE RIDE IS OVER. MY BACK HURTS.

GIDDAP!

NO, "GIDDOFF." AAH!

WHOO.

[ LAUGHS ]

Jay: WHAT?! WHAT?!

WHAT IS SHE LAUGHING AT, JUNIOR?

NOTHING. SHE'S JUST PLAYING WITH YOU.

HI.

HAS EVERYBODY MET JAS-- I MEAN, 1040-E.Z.?

WHOA! YOU MUST BE CLAIRE'S MOM.

I SEE WHERE SHE GET THAT NICE BONKY FROM.

YO, MR. KYLE, YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN, YO!

I SEE WHAT YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH UP IN HERE.

DAMN.

SO, MR. E.Z., LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

SHOOT, POPS.

DON'T TEMPT ME.

MY BAD. NO DISRESPECT.

WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] ALIVE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THAT GOAL

IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR HAND OFF MY DAUGHTER.

YO, MY BAD, POPS.

I TOTALLY FEEL WHERE YOU'RE COMIN' FROM.

I GOT A DAUGHTER, TOO, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

IF YOU BELIEVE IN THAT DNA TESTIN',

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

BUT, YO, I'M GONNA LET Y'ALL CONVERSATE.

CLAIRE, I'M GONNA HOLLER AT YOU LATER.

[ SIGHS ]

YO, HOLLER BACK.

WHOO --

hoo.

WELL, SINCE EVERYBODY'S HOLLERING AROUND HERE,

LET ME DO SOME HOLLERING.

I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT BOY COMES BACK IN MY HOUSE AGAIN.

DAD! NO.

MOM! HELL, NO!

CLAIRE, CALM DOWN.

I'LL TALK TO YOUR FATHER. GO.

YOU CROSSED THE LINE, MISSY.

YOU CROSSED THE LINE.

MICHAEL. SHE CROSSED THE LINE.

WILL YOU STOP IT?!

JUNIOR, CAN YOU PLEASE EXCUSE US?

WHAT DID I SAY?

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE BEING TREATED LIKE THIS?

YOU KEEP SAYING THE WRONG THING. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING

EXCEPT I DON'T WANT THAT THUG IN MY HOUSE AGAIN.

WITH AN ATTITUDE LIKE THAT, SHE'LL PROBABLY MARRY THE BOY.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

IF YOU KEEP SAYING YOU LIKE A KID, SHE HATES HIM.

IF YOU SAY YOU HATE A KID, SHE LIKES HIM.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

I DON'T GET ANYTHING ABOUT HER SINCE SHE TURNED 13.

I MEAN, THESE GREW, BUT THIS SHRUNK.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH?

I KNOW WHAT I GOTTA DO.

I GOTTA GET TONY BACK IN OUR LIVES.

[ SIGHS ]

IN HER LIFE. MM-HMM.

OH, HI, MR. KYLE.

HEY, HEY. DID ANYBODY SEE YOU COMING IN?

NO, I WAS CAREFUL.

WHAT'S UP WITH THE CLOTHING?

YOU SAID, "WEAR YOUR COOLEST CLOTHES."

WHAT'S COOLER THAN CHINOS?

EVERYTHING. HOW ABOUT GAP KIDS?

I JUST GOT AN OUTFIT FROM GAP KIDS -- OSHKOSH B'GOSH.

NO. [ SIGHS ]

JUST...SIT DOWN.

SIT.

LOOK...

I'VE BEEN GOING OVER THIS HIP-HOP MAGAZINE.

THIS IS GONNA BE OUR BLUEPRINT.

WE'RE GONNA USE THIS TO HIP YOU UP,

STARTING WITH YOUR SPEECH, ALL RIGHT?

I HIGHLIGHTED SOME VERY IMPORTANT WORDS

THAT I WANT YOU TO INCORPORATE INTO YOUR LANGUAGE.

NAH -- NAH HA MEAN -- NA -- NA HA MEM?

NO, IT'S NOT HEBREW.

OKAY.

IT'S EBONICS. IT'S "NAH MEAN?"

IT MEANS, "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"

YOU JUST THROW IT ALL TOGETHER.

"NAH MEAN?"

YOU'RE GOOD. WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?

BECAUSE I'M NOT TRYING TO GET MY DAUGHTER BACK.

YEAH. THAT'S GOOD.

OKAY, LOOK.

MAYBE THIS IS TOO ADVANCED FOR YOU.

WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO

IS JUST DROP ALL THE G's AND D's OUT OF YOUR VOCABULARY.

AND THROW IN SOME SOUNDS.

WHAT KIND OF SOUNDS?

[ GROANS ]

[ GROANS ]

YEAH, YOU KNOW...

[ Mumbling ] YOU'RE MUMBLING AND STUFF.

[ MUMBLING ]

JUST MUMBLE YOUR WORDS

LIKE YOU GOT PEANUT BUTTER ON YOUR TONGUE.

[ Mumbling ] PEANUT BUTTER ON MY TONGUE.

YEAH, BLAH!

JUST SOUNDS, YOU KNOW?

LIKE EVERY COOL GUY IN THE MOVIES,

THEY USE VOWELS -- LIKE STALLONE.

[ Imitating Sylvester Stallone ] YO.

YO.

[ Normal voice ] WHOA.

YOU GOT FONZIE --

[ Imitating Fonzie ] AAAAY!

AAAAAYYY!

UGHHHH.

LET'S TRY MASTER P. IT'S SIMPLE.

[ GROANS ]

[ GROWLS PAINFULLY ]

YOU LOOK CONSTIPATED.

WELL, I HAVE BEEN EVER SINCE I BROKE UP WITH CLAIRE.

[ Sobbing ] CLAIRE!

NO, NO, HEY, HEY.

COME ON, DON'T YOU START THAT.

LOOK, WE GOTTA TOUGHEN YOU UP.

WE'RE GONNA START WITH YOUR WALK.

JUST LOOSEN UP YOUR KNEES. IT'S ALL IN THE KNEES.

YEAH, YOU GOTTA LET YOUR BACK BE LIKE A FLOUNDER.

YOU DON'T HAVE NO SPINE. JUST HANG LOW LIKE THIS HERE.

YOU GOT WEIGHTED KNUCKLES.

YOU JUST DRAG LIKE THIS HERE.

YOU WALK AROUND LIKE LIFE IS HARD.

YEAH, THERE'S A MILLION DOLLARS ON THE GROUND.

YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR THE MILLION DOLLARS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PICKING UP A MILLION DOLLARS.

AND IT'S TAX-FREE BECAUSE WE FOUND IT.

SIT DOWN.

OKAY, JUST LET ME ADD A LITTLE MORE HERE...

AND VOILà. ALL DONE.

OH, LET ME SEE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL...UH...

IT'S -- WHAT?

[ SIGHS ] HONEY...

I DON'T MEAN TO CRITICIZE YOUR WORK, BUT [SIGHS]

THIS DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ME.

YES, IT DOES.

NO, BABY, NOT THAT IT'S NOT A GOOD START,

BUT IT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK.

LIKE WHAT?

COME ON, HONEY, FIRST OF ALL, THE FACE IS REALLY WIDE.

THERE'S A LOT OF EXTRA NECK IN THIS PICTURE.

AND THEN LOOK AT THE EYES.

PEOPLE ALWAYS COMPLIMENT HOW BRIGHT MY EYES ARE.

AND LOOK AT THIS SMILE.

THE SMILE IS TOO WIDE. I DON'T SMILE LIKE THAT.

THAT'S A LOT OF EXTRA TEETH AND --

HEY, IS CLAIRE -- CLAIRE!

Claire: YES?

COME ON DOWNSTAIRS. SOMEBODY'S HERE TO SEE YOU!

WHO'S HERE?

OH, YOU GOT COMPANY. OPEN THE DOOR.

AAAAY!

[ SOBBING ] IT DIDN'T WORK, MR. KYLE!

I HAD MY BLING BLING AND EVERYTHING!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO RUN MY LIFE?

EITHER I RUN IT OR I TAKE IT,

BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT BOY COMES IN MY HOUSE AGAIN.

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

I DON'T NEED TO.

ALL I KNOW IS HE'S BENEATH YOU.

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER? YOU'RE SO JUDGMENTAL.

CLAIRE, DO YOU HEAR THE WAY THE BOY TALKS TO YOU?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

YOU'RE A PRINCESS, AND YOU SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE ONE.

YOU ONLY SAY I'M A PRINCESS

BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE A KING.

YES. YES.

NOW IT'S GETTING THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS.

WELL, I'M SORRY, YOUR HIGHNESS, BUT I'M GROWING UP.

YEAH? WELL, STOP IT.

[ SIGHS ]

[ MICHAEL GARGLING ]

[ SPITS ]

SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, JAY.

MICHAEL, YOU GOTTA LET CLAIRE REALIZE ON HER OWN

THAT THIS GUY ISN'T RIGHT FOR HER.

IT WAS THAT STUPID TONY. I HAD EVERYTHING WORKED OUT.

I HAD A WHOLE HIP-HOP PERSONA FOR HIM,

AND HE GOES TO BABY GAP AND GETS A SWEAT SUIT.

HE JUST RUINED THE WHOLE THING.

IT WASN'T GONNA WORK ANYWAY.

[ SIGHS ] MAYBE I NEED TO CHANGE MY APPROACH.

HMM.

YEAH. [ SIGHS ]

I'M SO STRESSED OUT, BABY.

I NEED -- I NEED TO RELIEVE SOME STRESS.

NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT.

I'M ABOUT TO FILL MY BELLY UP AT CLAIRE'S PARENTS' CRIB --

FREE FOOD!

YO, MAN, AFTER THIS,

I'M GONNA HEAD OVER TO YOUR SPOT.

I'M GONNA HIT YOU IN A SECOND, ALL RIGHT?

[ SNIFFLES ] YO, MA.

YOU LOOK SO SEXY IN THIS KITCHEN.

YOU THINK SO?

YOU GOTTA BE ONE OF THE CUTEST GIRLFRIENDS I GOT.

ONE OF THEM?

BUT DON'T WORRY, THOUGH. [ SMOOCHES ]

YOU DEFINITELY IN THE TOP 10.

THE TOP 10?

YO, YO, E.Z.

HOLLER AT YOUR BOY! HOLLER AT YOUR BOY!

WHAT'S UP, DAWG?

HOW YOU DOIN'? YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

YO, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, SON.

DADDY, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

E.Z. WALKED ME HOME FROM SCHOOL TODAY.

WELL, I DROVE,

SHE WALKED BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE NO GAS MONEY.

THAT'S THE WAY YOU HANDLE HER.

YO, YOU LIKE FAMILY UP IN HERE, MAN.

YEAH, YOU LIKE FAMILY UP IN HERE.

YO, MR. KYLE, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, HEY, NO MORE "MR. KYLE."

I DON'T WANNA HEAR "MR. KYLE" COME OUT OF YOUR FACE AGAIN.

I WANT YOU TO CALL ME MIKE LOVE DDD.

DAD, ARE YOU OKAY?

YO, I'M JUST GREAT UP IN HERE,

NAH MEAN?

I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY, THOUGH.

YO, E.Z., COULD YOU TALK TO SHORTY OR SOMETHIN'?

COULD YOU TALK TO HER, GET SOME VITTLES GOIN'?

COULD I GET A "SAMICH" OR SOMETHIN'?

YO, SHORTY,

GO AHEAD AND MAKE MR. MIKE LOVE DDD

A SANDWICH OVER THERE, YO.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD, OVER THERE.

SHORTY, GO AHEAD.

AND DON'T MAKE IT LIKE THE LAST ONE.

USE THE WONDER BREAD THIS TIME.

YEAH. WOMEN. YO.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU BE CONTROLLIN' YOUR GIRL, SON.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I BEEN TRYIN' TO GET MY WIFE TO DO THEM THINGS,

BUT SHE DON'T BE LISTENIN'.

SOMETIME I JUST WANNA TAKE A SPANK ON THAT BIG BONKY.

[ Chuckling ] NAH MEAN?

YOU SAW THE BONKY. OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WORKIN' WITH.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING, MR. KYLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU SAY IT.

THAT'S JUST HOW I RUN MY HOUSEHOLD.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYIN' TO TEACH MY LITTLE SON TREVOR.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

GIVE ME 2 WEEKS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER,

I'M GONNA HAVE HER WELL-TRAINED, MIKE LOVE DDD.

I LIKE THAT. I LIKE T-T-THAT.

YO, CLAIRE, I'M FEELIN' MY BOY HERE.

I'M LOVIN' THIS DUDE.

HE'S LIKE FAMILY HERE.

NICE TRY, DAD, BUT I'M ONTO YOU,

AND IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

YO, MIKE LOVE, YOUR CREW ABOUT TO COME THROUGH.

SHUT UP.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HEY, CAN WE TALK?

SURE.

I HEARD ABOUT THAT LITTLE STUNT

YOUR FATHER TRIED TO PULL EARLIER.

YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY PATHETIC.

[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH, I'M SURE IT WAS.

[ SIGHS ] CLAIRE...

YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER LOVES YOU TO DEATH, RIGHT?

I KNOW, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE

HE JUST DOES STUFF TO IRRITATE ME.

YOU'RE PRETTY IRRITATING YOURSELF THERE, MISSY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

BUT LATELY HE'S REALLY BUGGING ME,

AND IT'S NOT EVEN STUFF HE SAYS.

IT'S EVEN, LIKE... THE WAY HE BREATHES.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, I CAN REMEMBER FEELING THAT WAY

ABOUT MY FATHER, TOO.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'LL PASS.

IT'S TRULY A PHASE YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS, OKAY?

YOUR DADDY IS GONNA TRY TO PROTECT YOU

FROM ANYTHING THAT HE FEELS ISN'T RIGHT.

I GET IT, MOM.

OKAY.

MOM... YES, BABY?

I DUMPED E.Z.

WHAT HAPPENED, BABY?

BECAUSE HE WAS A JERK, "NAH MEAN?"

[ LAUGHS ]

I JUST DIDN'T LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THAT.

IT DIDN'T FEEL GOOD.

I'M A PRINCESS, AND I SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE ONE.

AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

AND YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN ON THIS EARTH

WHO WILL ALWAYS TREAT YOU LIKE A PRINCESS.

THE KING?

THE KING.

OKAY, SO, WHEN ARE WE GONNA SEE THE GREAT MYSTERY PAINTING

THAT HE'S BEEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST WEEK?

BABY, I THINK THIS IS GONNA TURN OUT REALLY GOOD.

HE IS A TALENTED ARTIST WHEN YOU GIVE HIM SOME DIRECTION.

OH, BOY. [ CHUCKLES ] YOU GAVE HIM SOME DIRECTION?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NOTHING. [ CHUCKLES ]

UNH-UNH. YOU MEANT SOMETHING BY THAT COMMENT,

BECAUSE THAT BALD HEAD IS GLEAMING.

NO, WHAT I MEANT WAS I'M SURE IT'S GONNA TURN OUT BEAUTIFULLY

BECAUSE YOU GAVE HIM DIRECTION.

NICE SAVE. VERY GOOD.

HEY, CLAIRE. HI, TONY!

HI, MOM.

HI, MR. AND MRS. KYLE.

HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME. I DON'T LIKE YOU.

LET IT GO, DAD.

OKAY. HI, TONY.

COME ON, TONY. I'LL MAKE YOU A SANDWICH.

NO, LET ME MAKE YOU ONE.

OKAY.

HERE COMES THE GREAT PICASSO.

THANKS. I'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT MY PORTRAIT OF MOM IS DONE.

YOU KNOW THAT MOMMY'S GONNA BE VERY HONEST WITH YOU

WHEN SHE SEES IT.

COME ON, QUIT THE YAPPING. LET'S SEE THE PAINTING.

ALL RIGHT. [ SIGHS ]

SO? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, MY GOD.

IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!

DON'T YOU THINK IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ME?!

YES, "BERRY, BERRY" MUCH LIKE YOU.

I COULD "HALLE" TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

THANK YOU!

IT'S OVER, DAD. END OF DISCUSSION.

LOOK, W-W-W-WHAT -- WHAT'S THE LINE?

[ LAUGHING ]

IF I KNOW MY DAUGHTER,

SHE'S PROBABLY THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.

[ Crying ] YOU THINK SO?

I KNOW SO.

TONY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHO'S HE?!! [ LAUGHS ]