All language subtitles for By the Grace of... (Dylan Reid, USA 2021) [1080p].ENG

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Original subtitles

You know, I was pretty shocked when I found out.

I'm not sure why, I knew it was a possibility.

We talked about it a bunch, actually, but...

I guess I kind of hung onto the fact

that maybe he will, maybe he won't have it.

You know, I thought it was a really good idea to take the test.

He wanted to know.

He thought it'd be better that way and I agreed with him.

Guess it's just kinda different when you actually know.

You sure you don't want me to go with you today?

No, don't worry about it,

but will you around when I get back?

- Well, no, actually, I... I might have to work.

Okay.

Send me a message when you find out, okay?

Yeah, I will.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

Mr. Reid? We're ready for you.

Man, I'm so sorry. This is horrible.

I mean, it's fine, really.

Also, I'm, like, feeling pretty good.

I felt like I was ready to know.

But Dylan, come on, it... This is a big deal.

You sent that message and I couldn't even focus.

I told my boss I had to leave.

She's not pissed, is she?

No, that's fine, it's...

Don't worry about that, I just...

figured I should be here when you got back.

Well, thanks. I appreciate it.

Obviously, the company helps.

This might be stupid, I don't know,

but I got you something on the way back.

No, that's great.

Thought you could use it.

Yeah, good, let's go drink it.

So what was it like for you

growing up with your mom sick like that?

Well, it was pretty awful, to be honest.

Just like watching her slowly dissolve over the years.

One time in middle school, I was late for class

because she shat the floor and I stepped in it.

Jesus.

Yeah, well, I haven't stepped in human shit for years.

You know, just dog shit once or twice.

I guess once is enough for that.

Do you think maybe you're gonna see anybody about this?

Like a therapist or a monk or something?

I mean, I don't really think I need to,

for whatever reason.

Are you and Emily still fighting?

No, man, don't worry about my problems.

They're not that important today.

I disagree.

Yeah, yeah, we're still fighting.

I don't know, it feels... it's weird.

We get along in a lot of ways, you know?

Maybe we just have different world views or something.

Seems like she rejects outright a lot of what I care about

and it's pretty tough... pretty tough to deal with.

Yeah, you guys definitely have

your philosophical differences.

Well, yeah, but so do you and I.

You're just not much of a dick about it.

Well, you know, sometimes you are.

Yeah. Well, I've been a dick sometimes,

but it's always easier to forgive somebody

you're not sleeping with.

That's definitely true.

What's so funny over there?

Just remembered, I got laid off.

Yeah. That's funny timing.

I wish I didn't have to tell anyone.

And so many others to tell, fuck.

Forget it, I mean, there's good in this.

Face death and know yourself, right?

I mean, bullshit.

But it is a fire, isn't it?

It's a fire that burns always in the background.

But only with me, the heat's turned up.

What is it that you have to confess, my child?

I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Knowing what you've been through,

that is not a surprise.

I've spoken to people who considered suicide

after a tragedy.

But as you know,

suicide is a sin.

I understand the position of the church, but...

but I miss my son.

He is with you always.

Remember that when you're feeling lonely.

I feel that I'm not the same as I was before.

Like a part of me has died.

My body just...

just keeps moving.

No, you're still alive.

You're still here.

All of you.

Afternoon.

I'd like a hand gun, please.

What's a woman like you need a gun for?

You have children?

Hi, folks, sorry about that.

Unfortunately, it appears that we were delivered a corrupted file,

so tonight's screening will not be able to continue.

We are offering refunds at the front box office

so we can take care of you out there.

Again, we apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you.

What the hell?

Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers, guys.

Movie night.

Do you guys think she did it?

Oh, definitely. She's gone out of her damn mind.

- What's stopping her? - No, I don't buy it.

Looks like she's gonna have, like, a moment of

religious awakening or something, I don't know.

Yeah, like eureka! Murdering children is bad.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't know, I got that she's good at heart and...

I don't know, maybe she thinks this isn't what God wants.

I mean, children die every day.

Who's to say what "God" wants.

And people use religion to justify so many horrible things.

It's normal, frankly.

So how about this?

How about she has a eureka moment,

but instead, she realized that she doesn't believe in God,

so it doesn't have to feel good.

Okay, so then what happens?

Just turns the gun on herself and... splat.

No, no, I don't buy that.

No, it's like... it's like the Isaac story in the Bible.

She thinks God's gonna stop her.

When she realizes nothing is stopping her,

she loses her faith.

I like that,

but I don't think that is what was going to happen

in the actual movie.

I mean, I think that's what I would want to happen

if this was real life.

What, you want some lady to kill herself?

Sure. She can if she wants.

The only thing stopping her is her dumb religion.

What the fuck, Emily?

That's a really messed up thing to say.

I'm sorry, but it's true.

I mean, if someone wants to kill themselves, fine.

- Why do I care? - It's not that,

it's just you're so blatantly disrespectful

of people's beliefs.

People care about that stuff, you can't just shit on it.

Oh, are we having to come to Jesus moment?

Fuck you.

God, you're always so damn touchy.

I mean, who have I offended?

Maybe me.

God, why are you acting so superior

to half the fucking human race all the time?

All right, I'm good.

You can have that, Dylan. I'm going home.

You must be very bored of this by now.

Honestly, I've been having a great time.

Don't be a dick.

Fuck.

What's the news?

He has it.

Oh, man.

Do you know how he's taking it so far?

He's taking it in stride.

We had dinner afterwards,

but I don't know if it's sunk in yet.

I mean, what did he say?

He said he's happy he took the test.

He feels like he has more control over his time left,

but that can change.

I mean, he's a rock about this stuff.

You can't always tell with him.

You remember when his mom died and he was visiting us.

He didn't say a word about it.

Did, uh, that doctor say anything else?

There's no treatment, there's no cure.

About ten years.

Listen, Dylan, I just wanted to let you know

I heard about the test and I'm really sorry.

Oh, thanks for saying so,

but don't worry about it right now.

Tonight, let's just have some drinks and have a good time.

- If you say so. - Yeah.

It's good to see you out and about though.

I know I wouldn't be up for it if I was in your situation.

Yeah, well, you know, they say friends always help.

- Yeah, that's a good attitude to have. - Mm-hm.

Obviously, I'm here for you if you need anything.

Yeah, well, thanks.

And, uh, is your show still this week?

Yes, on Wednesday, will I see you there?

- Yeah. - Cool.

- Hey. - Dylan, who's that girl I saw you dancing with, huh?

I don't know.

Do you think you want to maybe find out?

- Probably. - Yeah, probably.

So I heard you guys talking,

does that mean you know about the test?

So what do you do for a living?

Literally nothing.

I'm unemployed.

- I just got laid off. - Unemployed.

I know, you should actually be very jealous.

It's so much fun.

I get to, like, hang out and read all day.

It's amazing.

I don't know if that's for me.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I've got a future to worry about.

Aren't you worried about your future?

- No. - No, okay.

Not even, you can't make me.

Okay.

What about you? What do you do?

- I'm a server. - Okay.

But I'm thinking about grad school

and I read a lot of books.

- Oh, we should get along then. - Really?

Do you ever write anything?

Yeah, I do.

I actually want to write a book,

but I'm gonna wait 'til I'm in my 30s, I'm not ready.

If I'm still a server when I'm 30, I'll panic,

and then I'll write a book.

I'm basically waiting for a midlife crisis.

Good, you have to have a dream to fall back on.

Yeah. What's your fall-back dream?

Basketball player.

But besides that... That might not work out.

- No. - I might make a movie.

- A movie? - Mm-hm.

- What about? - I don't know yet.

I'll have to wait for my midlife crisis.

Oh, well, that's gonna be a while,

so how about in the meantime?

Just focus on my dancing and drinking tours.

Oh, that'll be good for tonight.

Mm-hm.

Uh, I felt...

really just dumbfounded.

I actually asked Lucas what they were talking about

when they mentioned a test, you know.

I heard it in passing and then Lucas told me and...

honestly, I didn't really know how to talk to Dylan about it

'cause...

what do you do in that kind of scenario?

How do you support your friend?

I was just kind of blown away.

You know, I've...

nothing like that in my life.

And, you know, Dylan has some past history with this,

so he gets it and maybe that's why he's been

so chill about it all. I don't know.

It's good that you guys are in town, though.

Yeah, it's always good to see you, Dyl.

- Yeah, it's good to be back. - Mm-hm.

Can't believe you're smoking.

Why?

I've smoked for so long, you should be used to this.

Frank, how's work life?

Work life is good, well balanced.

Actually just got promoted.

- Oh, really? - Yeah, just kind of like,

felt like it's time for a new challenge, which is good.

Good for that old, uh, you know,

personal growth and that shit.

You, uh... You found a job?

Nope. I haven't really been looking very hard.

I'm gonna get something part-time I think.

- You gonna be a poor boy? - Yeah, I'm gonna be a real poor boy.

What are you gonna do with all that time, poor boy?

I'm gonna read and, like, watch movies and, like, hang out with friends.

And I'm also learning French.

- French? - Stupid.

What's wrong with learning French?

It's impractical. We don't live in Canada.

- You should learn Spanish. - Dutch.

Dutch is stupid. Even the Dutch don't speak Dutch.

You know, the Dutch settled New York,

which is where my wedding is. You coming?

What a fucking segue.

We're downtown Chicago home of the segues.

Oh, God.

How do you do that?

- He has a disease. - Very carefully.

- It's very impressive. - He has a disease.

Yeah, I am coming to your wedding.

It will be great.

Is there some kind of bachelor party I have to go to?

Probably not.

Just like not super into the whole BP vibe

with the strippers and all that.

Just kind of goin' more low key. You can come.

- You got a date? - I do not.

- You don't? - No.

You should make him, you should find someone.

Yeah, I, uh, you know, I hear there's

sophisticated ways on the internet

to get people to go to dates with you

and they make romantic comedy's about them now.

I know how much you like rom-coms.

I do, I do love rom-coms.

- Hugh Grantstan. - They are great.

- Really? - Oh, yeah, they're amazing.

There's like so... like there's so many adventures.

It's so cute.

My life could be a little bit dull at times.

It could be nice.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah, we noticed.

So what's the first album you had as a kid?

It's embarrassing. I had Mariah Carey.

I used to try to do that whistle singing thing, you know?

- Mm-hm. - Drove my whole family nuts.

I'm sure it did.

- What about you? - It was, uh, REM.

It was my mom's favorite album.

Me my sister used to dance to it

every time we got home from school.

- Oh. - It was very cute.

That's cute, yeah.

Hey, have you decided what you're gonna do

with the rest of your life?

You just gonna stay unemployed forever?

I mean, I'd love that.

That's great, but I am not an aristocrat,

so I think I'm gonna become a tutor,

that way I can keep most of my free time.

I have never met anyone so enamored

with their own free time.

You know, you have to do something with all of it.

I'll figure something out. What about you?

I thought you were holding off your novel 'til your 30s?

Yeah, my novel, I am.

But in the meantime,

I decided I want to go back to school.

Cool, what for?

I was putting it off 'cause, you know,

getting a master's in creative writing

doesn't really get you a hell of a lot of jobs.

- No. - But, uh,

if I can get a scholarship, you know,

it's just a paid vacation doing what I want.

Oh, that sounds like a really...

Yeah, sounds like a good way to spend your 20s.

You want to go back to school?

Maybe for film, but I don't know yet.

I've only been unemployed for like three months,

so have some patience with me.

Yeah, maybe, maybe.

You can get a week,

and then I'm cutting off all contact.

You're putting a lot of pressure on me.

I think it's good. I think it'll be good for you.

I didn't treat him like shit,

I was a little tiny bit sarcastic.

You are protecting everyone in the world from me.

Like, acting like I'm some kind of monster.

Maybe you just don't like me.

Maybe that's the... Maybe that's the thing.

That's not it. You know that's not it.

What is it then?

Maybe who you are is not good with who I am.

Listen, maybe you should just go.

Yeah, fine.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck.

Are you okay?

Bet you're sick of this by now.

I know I am.

You know, if I had some of those fancy noise canceling headphones,

I'd probably be fine.

I've had enough.

Yeah, well, I guess I'm kind of glad to hear that.

I like Emily, but I don't like you guys

yelling at each other all the time.

So do you think it's over?

Yeah.

Oh, man, I don't know.

I'm just afraid of being alone right now I think.

I guess it's good 'cause I'll have time to myself, but...

I don't know, it comes quick with me, you know?

It's like I just feel like I need someone there.

I guess I have time to figure stuff out, you know,

try some things, distract myself for awhile.

Yeah, I know what that's like.

What do you want to do?

I don't know, maybe I'll meditate or...

Wait, isn't that just sitting in a room

trying not to think about anything?

Well, I mean, I guess it depends on how good I am.

That seems like literally the worst distraction in the world.

Yeah, we'll see.

What about you though?

You and Lizzie have been going out for a while now.

- How's that going? - It's going pretty good.

Things aren't that serious right now.

Well, did you tell her about the test?

No.

Really?

I mean, I figured it happened so recently,

you guys have been going out, so...

It's only... We've only been together for like two months.

You know, it's not that serious.

If you say so.

- See this tooth? - Mm-hm.

Right here?

It's fake.

I, uh... I lost it in a car accident when I was nine.

My dad was driving us all to school

and we got hit in the intersection

by a bunch of teens.

I was the only one hurt 'cause I wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

But I bounced off the dashboard,

and I was only upset when they said

that they couldn't find the tooth,

'cause I wanted to leave it for the tooth fairy.

I bet you look cute all toothless, though.

- Yeah? - Mm-hm.

I actually kinda liked it, you know?

It scared my little sister so much.

I would just put stuff in it, you know,

broccoli or gum just to mess with her.

I was upset when they told me they were filling it up,

- you know? - Mm-hm.

I felt like I'd been robbed of a special talent.

You can't just take it out?

It's glued in there good.

Otherwise, I probably would have shown up

to our first date without it in.

Oh, damn. That would have been hilarious.

Hi, nice to meet you.

This is what I look like.

No, that might have ruined our date, though.

It would have been a good story.

Well, we can pretend it happened later if you prefer.

We'll just tell everyone

you vomited in horror at site of it.

I have always thought of Dylan as, like,

the younger brother I always wanted but never had.

I actually think he's two months older than me or something,

but that's not the point.

Um...

We always knew it was a possibility, right?

Like, I don't know if it's a 50/50 chance or what,

but...

when it actually happened...

it was devastating.

And, uh, I don't think any of us were ever the same afterwards.

But, um, I love the guy and I think he's...

he's doing a great job.

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's awful.

I guess he didn't tell you about it.

I'm sorry to just dump it on you like that.

I thought you knew already.

I mean, I knew about his mom

and I knew that he could possibly have it also,

but I never knew he was taking the test.

It makes sense, though. We aren't that close anymore.

I feel weird about it.

I don't know if I'm supposed to know.

I think it's okay.

I think he wants his friends to know,

just doesn't like talking about it much.

How much time does he have before it settles in?

About 10 years.

That's rough.

I always wondered if it made him live his life differently.

Like, with that hanging over his head.

- Probably has to, doesn't it? - Yeah, I think it does.

I mean, I kind of hope so.

To you find some sort of peace.

Hey, there.

- Hey. - You working on something?

Yep, I'm writing a script.

I thought we were waiting for our midlife crisis.

Well, I'm having mine early so I'm gonna make a movie.

Wow, that's exciting. What's it gonna be about?

I don't really know yet.

I'm kind of just brainstorming.

Maybe, like an adaptation.

An adaptation. That's so boring.

Why don't you write something more personal?

I don't know.

I feel like a movie about me and my friends hanging out

and me reading would be kind of boring.

Come on. No skeletons in your closet

you can mine for emotional effect, huh?

How about your childhood?

There's always something in our childhood.

That's ridiculous. Haven't you noticed how well adjusted I am?

No, not really.

That's bullshit.

I have a job now. I'm a true adult.

Yeah, well, I guess having a job at 26

is pretty impressive.

I know, I am truly awe inspiring.

Can be in your movie?

Yeah, probably. Wait, can you act?

No. But I haven't tried since I was seven, so who knows?

I mean, that's fine.

Honestly, I just don't have any money.

So I'm just gonna have my friends be in it anyways.

You gonna send it to festivals?

If it isn't complete shit.

That's exciting.

Maybe it'll rub off on me and I'll finally start my book.

What would you write yours about?

My childhood.

That's where all the drama is.

So not a vanilla upbringing for you?

You know how I told you my dad died?

He had cancer,

and he died when I was in middle school.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Um, you know, you get older, learn to live with it

because the days keep coming and you don't have a choice, so...

I think it would be good to write about, though.

So I can finally air everything out

and understand better what happened

and understand how I...

learned to live with it.

Yeah, but it seems like it would be hard to do,

just emotionally.

Mm, yeah.

Maybe that's why I'm putting it off.

Were you close with your father?

Yeah, very.

But it was okay because my sister was young at the time,

so... I had to take care of her.

I had to be responsible, you know, and...

I had to make sure she was okay, which meant I had to be okay.

Mm-hm, yeah.

But it was good to not be alone during that time.

It was nice to have someone else to think about beside myself.

Yeah, I guess you should write that book then.

Yeah, probably.

- Hey, man. - Hey.

- What's going on? - Nada.

You all packed and ready for tomorrow?

Yeah, I got that big old wedding to go to.

Yeah, that's good.

What have you been up to?

Well, today I went to that psychic.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but... Thanks.

But it was actually really cool.

It was super legit and amazing and I really recommend it.

You have to go some time.

She just knew so much about me, you know?

She knew that I was having relationship problems and all that.

But you know what she also said?

She said I'm gonna have a change in my love life soon.

I'm gonna meet someone when I least expect it.

- That sounds conveniently vague. - It's not really, you know?

I mean, it is a little bit 'cause she can't see details,

but, you know, she also said that I should lean on my friends

when I'm having a tough time.

Is that why you're here right now?

Of course.

That and I needed the coffee, so.

Well, good, I like this psychic.

She was cool.

You know also,

I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now,

but you know how I've been going around town

- to different churches to check them out. - Mm-hm.

I'm... I've been having a good time, you know?

It's been pretty eye-opening and I thought maybe...

maybe you want to come some time.

I don't know.

I mean, you know I'm not religious.

Yeah, I know.

I guess, I don't know. I guess I could come sometime,

but I can't promise I'm gonna pray or anything.

Nah, man, you don't have to do anything like that.

Okay, we can do it.

Sweet.

Um, sort of simultaneously, um...

shocked and, like, totally as though it was almost fated,

um, and just kind of horrified,

and not really sure what to do about it.

That there's, um...

there's, like, an intellectual level

on which it makes sense to grapple with it

insofar as it means that

expectations need to be revisited

for what your life is gonna be like

and for what our relationship is gonna be like.

But the actual meaning of...

of what it is to have a degenerative disease

is just sorta overwhelming to me,

Even though I remember seeing your mom, um, you know,

I didn't see what she started like.

Uh, and so it's something where, like,

I know it's coming,

but I haven't seen it yet,

and so it's a little bit easier to not think about it.

And I don't know how much I should be thinking about it,

but it definitely casts a shadow.

There's just nothing... I don't...

it's just sort of...

it feels totally like beyond what I can process,

um, and it bums me out.

He looks really happy. It's quite cute.

Anybody else, tear up?

No, I don't approve of that.

When do you think they're gonna start having babies?

I can't imagine they'll waste much time.

I almost feel bad I don't.

Can't believe our little Frank's all grown up.

At least we didn't ruin that wedding.

Kidding me, Dylan. You're the soul that wedding.

You owned that wedding.

Yeah, you're right.

- It's just weird calling Frank a husband. - Husband?

I don't think he's quite earned that moniker yet.

But he's probably banging right now.

You know, we should all text Frank,

you know, encouragement. You can do it buddy.

No, same advice.

Don't worry Frank, everyone cries the first time.

I haven't spoken to you in a long time, Dylan.

I'm curious, what have you been up to?

- Do you have a job yet? - Yeah, I've been tutoring.

I'm trying to make a movie in my free time.

You're making a movie?

That's pretentious. What's it about?

It's about me finding out about the test.

Oh.

You want any help with that?

Yeah, I mean, that would be great,

just to get feedback from people who, like,

know what it was like for me growing up.

You sure you want to make that?

It's gonna be out in the open for everyone.

You might wish you hadn't.

Oh, Dylan, look. It's time to go man.

All right. Let's get out of here.

Okay. Say goodbye.

You guys get home safe.

- Have a good night. - Good to see you.

Great wedding. Super big party.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Good night, Homer. Thanks for letting me stay here.

Dylan, Dylan, before you go, sit down.

Let's... Let's talk about this movie.

What's up?

You know,

we've known each other since we were five and...

I got to see your mother go through her symptoms.

And...

I just...

I just think and hope you're ready

to show that to the world.

You know, show them what she's gone through

and what you've gone through.

I mean, I don't feel like

I have to go into that much detail.

But I think the detail is key.

Otherwise, your audience isn't gonna really understand you,

you know?

They don't know much about Huntington's

and so...

when you're ready with the script,

please send it to me.

We can read it together and talk about it,

and try to figure this out.

Okay?

Yeah, of course I'll send it to you.

I don't know.

I just feel like I had to make something

in response to it.

Yeah, but are you ready to show that kind of ugliness?

So, I hear you're working on a movie, that's exciting.

What's it gonna be about?

Um, it's about...

I don't... I don't really know.

I just started writing it, so I haven't gotten that far.

You should ask me when I'm further along.

Okay, so what's the premise? Have you gotten that far yet?

It's about someone who finds out they're going to die

and figuring out what to do with the time they have left.

Like the...

you know, The Death Of Ivan Ilyich.

Have you ever read that book?

I don't know.

It's just an idea, I could change it.

Yeah, I guess that could be hard to write about.

Yeah, I mean, it's just an idea.

Maybe you can take a look at it when it's further along.

Yeah, I'd be happy to take a look at it.

Maybe I'll make it something happier.

Well, it's yours,

so you can make whatever you want.

Yeah, I guess I'd make something happier.

Thanks, Olivia.

Yeah, thanks for coming out. Goodnight.

Oh, good luck too, I guess.

Thanks.

I look straight in the camera.

Yeah.

So, what was your reaction when you first found out?

Well, I definitely cried.

Um, you called me on the phone.

Can I refer to you as you? That's okay?

Um, and I was at work and I was tearing up

and I went to the stairwell

and one of my colleagues caught me

and it was like my first or second week at the job,

and it looks like I was crying

because of work was really hard and I was totally overwhelmed.

And then I had to explain to this person,

the whole thing in, like, five minutes to them,

that you are going to die

rather painfully and...

and, I mean, sadly and soon,

and that I had experience with it

and that was, uh, very intense.

Um...

Yeah, I think, uh, for a couple months,

maybe more than a couple months there, I was, like,

it was probably, like, the first or second thing

I thought about every morning.

And, um...

Yeah, now I'm more used to it.

I feel like, uh...

you're more used to it, I'm more used to it,

and, um...

we'll just see where it goes, I guess. I don't know.

Otherwise, there's some optimism around medicine right now,

but we'll also see about that.

Oh, shit.

You're still in my bed.

You serious?

Sure wish I could stay here all day, though.

You can do what you want.

'Cause I'm a stay in this comfy bed all day.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna get up.

Mm-hm.

This is really impressive.

I'll follow you in, say, about like half an hour.

Come on.

Feel the morning air, huh?

Give that back, you asshole. Ugh.

It's on the ground if you want it, over here.

Fine. I'm up you bully.

You want to get breakfast at Tony's?

I really could use some coffee.

No, I was just gonna stay here and get some work done.

You don't have time for a little food or just coffee?

No, I'm just gonna get started on being responsible here.

Okay.

Um, suit yourself, I guess.

I'm working tonight.

Do you want to hang out later this week?

Yeah, I'll text you.

Okay.

I guess I'll head out then.

- Yeah, I'll see you. - Okay, see you.

But the Lord came down to see the city

and the tower that the people had begun to build.

And the Lord said...

if there's one people speaking the same language,

they have begun to do this.

Then nothing that they plan to do

will be impossible for them.

Come let us go down and confuse their language

so that they may not understand each other.

And so the Lord scattered them

from there across the entire Earth.

This is why it is called Babel,

because there, the Lord confused

the language of the whole world.

Having fun yet?

It's not really my thing, but it's interesting.

Hold on. I want you to talk to this pastor.

Come on, man, it's not a big deal. He's really cool.

Pastor Hammond, it's good to see you again.

It's good to have you here this week.

Thank you.

Uh, this is actually my roommate, Dylan.

Pastor Hammond.

It's good to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Are you a, uh, regular church goer, Dylan?

No, I'm not, uh, but I enjoyed your sermon.

It was kind of a weird start for me,

but I liked the way you interpreted it.

So you're not a member of the flock.

- No. - Well...

it's good to have you here, though.

And, uh, you're welcome anytime.

And I'm always here if you have any questions.

You know, I think I do have one.

Um, have you read Don Quixot?

- Yes. - Okay.

So I want to know...

when does Don Quixote's soul go to heaven?

When Alonzo regains his sanity or when he dies?

When Alonzo dies.

There is only one soul per person.

But one soul can contain multitudes.

Okay. Actually have a second question.

Is there a place around here I can get ice cream?

Does gelato work? 'Cause there is

a nice little place about two blocks down.

Perfect, thanks.

It was good seeing. I'll see you next time.

Good to see you. Yeah.

Oh, hey, Lizzie.

- Hey, what's up? - Hi.

- How are you? - Good, how are you?

Good, do you mind if I join you?

Yeah, please, sit down, yeah, yeah.

What are you up to today?

Um, I am actually writing a grant proposal

for a performance piece.

- Cool. - Yeah.

Well, that's exciting.

Yeah, it's not the most fun,

so actually it's good to see you.

Maybe you can distract me for a minute.

Oh, please, my pleasure.

What are you doing? Just reading, or...

Just reading until I have to go to work.

Typical day for me.

That sounds like a nice day to me.

Yeah, it's fun.

Oh, I... I really am glad I ran into you

'cause I was just thinking how I should really

get to know you a little better.

- So... - Oh.

I was actually thinking earlier

about how I have to try to get to know you

and all of Dylan's friends better, so...

Yeah. I mean, just seems like you've clearly

been doing a great job of keeping him in a good mood.

Even with the test results and everything he's been through,

- so... - Uh, wait, what test?

Was he... Was he studying for something?

I feel like... I feel like he never tells me anything.

You don't know?

I shouldn't be talking about this, I...

Shit, I feel like such an ass.

Um... I'm sorry, um...

I'm confused. Is it something serious?

Um...

It's something I think you should know about,

and I'm kind of surprised you don't,

but I can't tell you.

You're going to have to talk to him about it.

- Hi. - Hi.

Dylan, I think we should talk.

Sure. Is something wrong?

Yeah, there is, but I don't really know.

Um, I don't know how to start this.

I don't really know what's going on.

I don't really either, so can you tell me something?

Yeah, I just spoke to Jessica

and she, uh, told me something that she wasn't supposed to.

Something about you and a test and now I'm pretty worried.

So what do you want to know?

I want to know about the test. What is it?

Is there something wrong that you're not telling me?

I mean, there was something, but I didn't want to tell you

'cause I didn't want you to worry.

- Is it an STD? - No, it's nothing like that.

It's just, I had a medical test done.

It came back negative. It doesn't affect you.

Dylan, that's not true.

Why are you lying to me?

Why is Jessica telling you this?

I'm the one who should be able to decide

who knows about my own personal shit.

Why don't you want to tell me?

Why are we spending all this time together?

What's the fucking point.

Look, it's just not something you actually want to know, okay?

You should be fucking happy I didn't tell you.

Oh, yeah, it's so Goddamn merciful of you to lie to me.

Maybe it is.

Dylan, is it serious?

Look, I don't want to do this. I think you should just leave.

Dylan.

Just leave.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I bet you probably wanted to break it to her your own way

and I kind of ruined that.

I assumed that she knew already.

- Well, she didn't. - I know.

Did you talk it through, though?

I mean, it's probably good to have it out

and in the open for your guys, right?

No, it's not good. I mean, we talked about it, but...

I didn't want to tell her so we broke up.

I'm sorry.

But wait, have you still not told her yet?

Does she still not know?

No, she doesn't.

Dylan, why not?

You guys have been seeing each other for almost a year.

Why won't you tell her about it?

I guess I shouldn't judge how you handle the situation.

It's your issue to deal with,

but you are never going to have a healthy relationship this way.

I mean, listen, Jessica, I can decide for myself

whether or not my relationships are healthy enough.

I just want you to know in the future,

if I'm seeing someone, not to tell them.

I'm sorry, Dylan, but that's a little fucked up.

Are you just gonna lie to everyone you date?

- What is my alternative? - I don't know.

You could try to make the relationships work.

Oh, yeah, but do you know what that means for them?

They have to wait it out.

They have to watch me die slowly over the years.

But if they really cared, they wouldn't leave.

They would stay.

I don't want them to stay, okay?

I don't want anyone there with me when I'm sick.

I'll be dead anyways.

Shouldn't you let her know

so she can decide how to handle it?

I was thinking the other day,

what if it was John that had it instead of you,

whether I would stay and I feel like the answer is yes.

That's really easy for you to imagine,

but you don't have to live it.

Shouldn't you let whoever you're with

get to choose how they react to it?

I mean, right now it isn't fair

because you have all the power.

You haven't told her yet,

and... and you're just planning on leaving her

in a couple of months and she doesn't know.

It isn't fair.

I mean, it would make her miserable.

Yeah, at first.

But at least she'd get to decide what to do.

There's no point arguing over it.

I mean, it's over and it's better this way.

Is it?

Yeah. Long-term at least.

Hey, guys, thanks for reading the script.

Yeah, about that.

The script, I don't mean to be harsh,

but there isn't really a plot, you know?

And it's too happy

because you're dancing around the subject matter.

The script sucks.

I feel like you need a reason for people to keep watching.

You don't have one.

The main issue here is that you don't really explain

what's gonna happen to you, so most of the time

we're sitting here, and you're going through something

really, really painful.

I understand that,

but you don't help us understand it.

You don't show it.

I mean, I don't really want my movie to be that painful.

I have my own reasons for why I'm okay with it,

and, like, that's what I want people to understand.

I know, I know. I know you're okay with it,

but there are not really any stakes in this.

Your reasons aren't enough.

I feel like you need to have characters

with their own reactions.

You know, we all reacted to this diagnosis differently.

Yeah, but why would I want to show those reactions

when they're, like, universally depressing?

Then why are you making the movie?

I mean, I don't...

look, I don't want the movie to be like that, okay.

I want it to be something positive.

It's tragic.

I don't want my movie to be a tragedy.

But then why are you making it about this?

- Hey, man. - Hey, what's going on?

Nothing much.

You don't seem like you're in the best mood.

I'm not. I just had my first feedback on the script.

Ah. And that went badly, I take it, huh?

Apparently, it's shit.

Well, I mean, I read it and I liked it.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

It's shit, I mean, I need to write... re-write it.

Okay, so then why is it shit?

I don't know.

I felt like I was being honest about how it made me feel,

but apparently, that's not enough.

I don't know, man.

It's kind of weird to me that you're even making this movie.

Why?

'Cause you don't like to talk about it.

I mean, I don't like how it makes other people feel.

No, man, you don't like

how other people's feelings about it make you feel.

I mean, should I?

It's not exactly the best influence most of the time.

You gotta talk about it.

I mean, you're just gonna get locked in your own head.

- You're gonna isolate yourself. - Is that so bad?

I mean, I understand it better than anyone else does.

Yeah, but the entire point of this was so you could explain it.

I don't know.

Look, I'm gonna go to bed.

We could talk about this later.

I'm going out of town tomorrow, remember?

I forgot, actually.

You know you can call me if you need anything.

Don't worry about it. I'll be... I'll be fine.

You always say you're gonna be fine, but...

I'm not sure you are.

No.

I'm okay.

We can talk about this when you get back.

Goodnight.

I'm here to audition for the part of the mother.

Okay, um...

so do you, I don't know,

have anyone in your family that's ever had

like a degenerative brain disease or anything like that?

Um... no, I don't think so.

Okay, all right, well, we're gonna have you try and shake,

like someone who's suffering from an illness.

So if you just give that a try.

And the line is, uh,

"Have you done your laundry?"

Okay.

Have you done your laundry?

Okay, so yeah, that's not quite right.

So, um, you know a lot of like side to side.

So I want more, like, more random,

every direction and also your entire body.

So, like, your... your legs and your arms and everything.

Okay, so if you can just give that another shot.

Have you done your laundry?

It's still a... a little bit off.

So, um...

Let's try this.

Can you take a look at my hand?

Like tense it up?

Just kind of like more random.

Long time no see.

I was really surprised when you called me.

Yeah, I mean, Lucas is out of town

and I've been feeling, like, antsy.

- I needed advice. - Glad to help.

- First off, how are you? - I'm good.

I am applying to grad school in international law,

- so, yeah. - Oh, really?

Yeah, so I've just been doing research

for my application papers and stuff.

I didn't know you were interested in that.

It's perfect, you know, I... I get to yell at people

all over the world that I'm right.

But what kind of advice do you need?

Has the test got you down?

Kind of. I've been trying to make a movie about it

and it's not going that well.

Well, it's like a bleak movie.

What's wrong with it?

I guess I tried to not make it that bleak.

Oh, I don't know how you thought you'd get away with that.

This movie is going to have to revel in the bleakness.

Yeah, I suppose so, but that doesn't make it easy.

Just being in that emotional state.

Yeah. Of course.

It sounds hard, but it'll be worth it, you know?

I mean, why do you want to make this movie anyways?

It's your revenge against your fate.

You get to use movie how you want to.

You're gonna be the one in control.

Yeah, well, not entirely.

I mean other people are gonna get some say in it.

Yeah, but you get the most say.

Fuck, I got so much to re-write.

Do you want to be in the movie?

I can't really afford actors.

Sure, it'll be fun.

But don't write anything nasty about me, okay?

I'm really just a big softie at heart.

I know.

Good.

So what was your reaction when you first found out?

Um, well, different from the movie,

I had come out to see you back in Chicago.

But, um, we spent the weekend together.

I had to leave to go back to work

the morning you got the results.

And so I remember, um, you know,

driving around with you,

spending time thinking about these two futures

where, you know, you were gonna cast aside something,

but you were largely at peace with... with either outcome.

And then, uh, it... it sort of left and I had to go.

And, uh, later that afternoon, you know,

back in my office in New York,

you called and you said you had it.

And I, you know, I...

I honestly expected that you would have it.

Not necessarily optimistic in that regard,

but I... I, you know,

it was difficult for me to think that perhaps

there was a kind outcome where you didn't.

Um, I remember really...

just a surreal feeling, kind of floating through,

uh, the rest of my day at work.

And then back home to my apartment

uh, where the rest of us were gonna assemble,

and I was gonna tell them this terrible news.

Um... it you know, really...

I found it more difficult than I was expecting

to share that with them,

and also it's not something that there's, uh, you know,

really much that can be done.

You, um... you know, you wait, but as I've waited,

I do find myself looking at you

and sort of looking at our time together

and seeing little ticks.

Uh, some, you know, little movements or triggers

or forgetfulness that without

kind of the vocabulary of the disease,

I would just excuse away as... as Dylan being Dylan.

But now it's... it's always,

well, what if this is the start of something?

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm Ellie.

I'm here to audition for the part of the mother.

Well, for this role,

you're gonna have to play somebody who's got tremors.

You're gonna have to try shaking.

So, um, just give it a shot, uh, and the line is,

"Have you done your laundry?"

Okay.

Ha... Have you done your laundry?

Yeah that's... that's... that's good.

Okay. Thanks.

Hey. You miss me?

I did. How was your business trip?

It was actually really good.

And I do have some news.

They're trying to get more people out at that new office

and I think they want to send me.

Well, congrats, Mr. Fancy Businessman.

Thank you. I mean, it's not set in stone, but, you know.

I might get an offer in a few months.

That mean you'd have to move out there?

Well, yeah, I mean, it is a big promotion.

Well, congrats.

Thanks.

So how have things been here without me?

They've been good. I've just, uh...

I've been getting some shooting done.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

That's amazing.

You okay man?

You've been staring off into space for like five minutes.

Yeah, I'm okay.

- Yeah? - Mm-hm.

No. I'm not okay.

You don't have to be.

You're gonna be okay.

It'll be okay.

I've been editing it.

I don't think I should be looking at it.

You're doing this for a reason.

I need a fucking smoke.

You know, the furies have really crawled up my ass.

I don't think they're gonna forgiven me.

What do you need to be forgiven for?

I hated her.

I hated looking at her.

You know, I always imagined she was dead.

But what if she wasn't?

What if she was in there somewhere and...

knew how much I hated her?

You were just a kid. You can't blame yourself for that.

Yeah, I don't think they care about that.

Who?

The furies.

Man, that's not real.

Well, hello there, sir.

Hi.

I think we have seen you here one other time maybe?

Yeah, last time I was here,

you said that I could always come around

if I needed to talk and I thought I'd take you up on that.

So you're thinking of joining the flock then?

No, no, I'm not. I should be honest about that.

Um, no, but I heard

a pastor always has a friendly ear

for people who need it,

and I feel like I need it right now.

Well, yes.

Sort of comes with the job, you know.

We always like to keep a door open for those in need.

So, what is it exactly you feel you need to talk about?

Um, so I have a genetic disease.

That means that I'm going to die young.

Oh, well, cut right to the chase, huh?

I'm sorry to hear that.

So how long do you have?

About 10 years before the symptoms start kicking in

and a few years after that, but not pleasant ones.

Well, 10 years is good.

And, you know,

the time that you've been given is a gift.

So, have you... I mean,

have you come here to ask me what it's all about,

and why it is that you have to suffer through this?

Honestly,

I just wanted to see how a stranger would take it.

Do you believe me if I told you that

I'm happy most days?

Yes. I would believe that.

I mean...

if you're blessed with a love of life

and the people around you,

there's no reason why you can't be happy

right up through the moment of the end.

Okay, glad to hear that.

But I have a second problem.

Say I was seeing someone

and I refused to tell them about the disease,

and they found out anyways and we broke up.

I guess I just wanted to know

if it was wrong of me to deceive her.

Yes, I would say so.

Yeah, and you know, frankly, I...

I don't think you'd be standing here asking me this question

if you didn't already know the answer.

Yeah, I guess I had an inkling.

It's just hard,

'cause, you know, telling her would really hurt.

And I didn't think it was gonna last anyways.

Well, you just said it would be 10 years, right?

Yes.

And so are they trying to find a cure?

Of course.

Well, then, you don't know that it won't last.

You can hope for a miracle,

and... and better than most people,

you can believe that your prayers will be answered.

I honestly haven't thought about the cure very much.

Really? That's kind of bizarre to me.

I mean, I would think that a person in your situation

would be obsessed with the cure.

It brings back uncertainty.

I liked knowing what was gonna happen.

Even if what's going to happen is horrible?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, I... I would recommend that you tell her

and that you pray for a cure.

But you're gonna do the thing that you feel

is the right thing for you, I'm sure.

Yeah.

I guess you have a point.

Thanks for talking to an atheist like me.

I got some things I gotta do.

Of course.

You're in my prayers.

Hey, Lizzie.

Yeah, I know you're not probably very happy with me right now,

but I felt like we could talk.

Yeah, I thought...

wanted to tell you the truth about the test.

Yeah, could you come over?

Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's been a while. Are you doing okay?

Yeah, I'm doing okay.

First off, I just want to say I'm sorry.

I've been thinking about how we left things

and I feel like I should've been more honest with you.

Come on, I got something I want to show you.

Is this part of your movie?

Yeah.

That's supposed to be my mom.

She had Huntington's disease.

Is that you?

Yeah.

I always hated looking at her.

And the test?

I have it, too.

In 10 years, I'll start showing symptoms.

I'll lose muscle control and become manic and obsessive.

Is there a treatment?

No.

Are they looking?

Of course, I mean, no one wants this to exist.

This is kinda messed up.

I said I wanted to know, I...

I guess I got what I wanted. I was afraid.

I was right to be.

I'm sorry.

I was planning on breaking it off with you

so you'd never have to know.

You were planning to do that?

Yeah.

That's kind of fucked up.

You just knew that whole time you were...

planning to throw me away.

Yeah, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

I can't have kids because I could pass it on to them.

And I don't want to get married because I don't want anyone

feeling like they have to be there with me

after the point where I'm already gone.

I don't understand then.

Why am I here?

You could have just let it end with us.

Because I wanted you to understand

that I never wanted to fall in love with anyone

because I would be ashamed if they...

felt like they had to stay with me.

I don't want anyone there with me when I'm sick.

I just...

I want to be alone.

I mean, I'll be dead anyways.

I don't think I would want to watch it happen either.

I think it would get to me.

Like it would make my skin crawl every time I looked at you.

I think that's how I felt every time I looked at my mom.

What do you want to do now?

I don't know.

I could be with you longer.

But still,

at some point we'd have to split.

Yeah, barring a miracle.

It's confusing.

I don't think I believe in miracles.

- So what do you want? - I don't know.

You know, I normally take the time in a relationship

when, um...

you know you're not gonna have kids with someone as the...

as a point to break it off.

You know, if you're not gonna get married, then...

what's the point?

You're just... wasting each other's time.

I mean, I can understand that,

but I just don't get to feel that way anymore.

You know, when my dad was sick,

um, I had to take care of him sometimes, you know?

And he looked so weak.

But he was still himself.

He could still crack jokes,

and make us all feel better.

He was still himself.

Yeah, but I won't be.

I don't...

I don't think I can stand to watch that.

You don't have to.

I know.

And I'm sorry, though.

I'm really sorry.

It's okay.

You know, it's not like we were about to get married.

No, we weren't.

Sorry.

I understand why you didn't want to tell me.

Are you glad I did?

Yeah, I guess.

Good.

Um... I don't...

the way I feel about it now

I don't think is appreciably different

than how I felt about it then.

I've... written...

I've written all these e... emails

that sort of don't get sent.

They don't...

uh, they can't account for, uh...

this thing and...

and... and they don't adequately take stock of our relationship.

I... I just... I haven't... I haven't sent any of them.

I don't feel as if I'm better equipped, um,

to answer this question, uh, in front of, uh, a camera

than I am sort of by myself in a room at my computer.

And then I think part of it is...

sick... sick looks like something.

Uh, your ma... your... I remember your mom,

and your mom was sick and your mom looked sick,

and I never knew your mom any other way.

Uh, and...

you don't look sick now,

and...

you don't look sick now,

but, uh, have the same thing your mother did.

So I haven't been able to sort of reconcile,

uh, moving in that direction,

given that your mom

didn't look any other way and was sick.

So, um, uh...

at the end of the day, you know,

it's pretty hard to intellectualize it

and... and say how I feel about it.

Um, but again, at the end of the day, I just...

I don't want my friend to die.

Reset.

One second, I'm gonna get you to do a couple more.

Fuck.

I don't know if I could do that again.

I can't... I can't do that again.

All right, get up, that's fine.

- You okay? - Uh, yeah.

I'm okay. Fuck.

I'm sorry, I wish I could do another take for you.

I can't do that.

That's okay.

I'm sorry, Dylan.

Just put your heads down and don't look at the camera.

You guys can... Sorry, you can come back towards me a bit.

Okay, that was a little much. Keep going, keep coming.

Right about there. That's great.

You mean this way? Or which way?

- Okay, so both of you... - So you're gonna

turn back the way you were.

And put your head on top of her shoulder.

And then... Yeah.

And you lift your head up a little bit.

We're just here to bring you along,

enhance the liveliness.

Pump up the jams.

Play it like... like 30 proof.

Gotcha.

- All right, cut. - Thank you.

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