Original subtitles

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

a 211 in progress.

One-Adam-12, handle code 3.

♪♪

Hey, Pete. See you for a minute?

Yeah. Mostly from insurance companies.

What's going on?

You mean you haven't heard?

Heard what?

I spent the weekend in the mountains with my kids.

What's happening?

I won a contest. $10,000.

It was in the paper Saturday,

and my phone hasn't stopped ringing ever since.

That's great. Congratulations.

Thanks.

What kind of contest?

Just a contest. You know.

No, I don't know. What kind of contest?

Well, one of those "name the product" things.

Oh, yeah?

That's great. What was the product?

A woman's shampoo.

Hey, come on. I really want to know.

It was a woman's shampoo.

You can't believe the flak I've taken.

How did it happen?

Well, I was in my dentist's office

having a gold crown put in.

I date the receptionist sometimes.

She was trying to come up with a name for this product.

So I suggested Gold Crown.

The rest is history.

She put my name on the entry blank,

and I'm splitting the money with her.

Well, any marriage proposals yet?

No, but that's got to be next.

Well, you have my sincere congratulations

and my heartfelt sympathy.

Thanks a lump.

You going to blow the whole wad on a boat?

Well, it's my allowance, Mother.

I can spend it on whatever I want.

Okay.

Pete, what I meant was,

sure, everybody'd like to have a Marlin 3.

I'd like to have a boat.

It's just that it's not very practical, that's all.

Is there anything interesting on the sheet?

Pete, one of these days, you're liable to wind up getting married.

That's responsibility.

If you got a little money in the bank,

you're just that far ahead of the game.

Welcome to This Is Your Life.

Already, you got me married and saddled with responsibility.

Maybe you think I should put a little money down on my funeral.

You got to give that some thought, too.

That's part of responsibility.

You can't be buried in your boat.

Well, sure I can.

A Viking's funeral.

Oh, I can see it now.

It's dawn on a lonely stretch of beach.

Slowly, a drum starts to roll.

I'm laid out on the foredeck...

Swell.

When the money comes, we'll talk about it.

I promise to consider your advice, okay?

It's just that I hate to see you make a mistake with it.

That's all.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12, see the man.

507 Stereo.

14227 Marquette Street.

One-Adam-12, roger.

You fellas looking for Billy Heckman? 14227?

Uh-huh.

Well, you just walked by him.

I'm Heckman, Billy J., if you want to write that down.

Did you have a complaint, Mr. Heckman?

Oh, the complaint.

Sounds funny.

Billy Heckman doesn't usually make complaints.

It's her up there.

She never stops.

All day long with that Shaugnessy fella.

And loud.

Do you happen to know her name?

Oh, yeah. The manager gave it to me.

It's Mary O'Ryan.

Who's this Shaugnessy fella?

Surely you remember Shaugnessy.

Tommy Shaugnessy, the Irish tenor.

Mr. Heckman, I think that Shaugnessy died several years ago.

I know that.

I'm talking about the yowling that comes from her Victrola.

Tommy Shaugnessy... She plays those records

till the cows come home.

Have you registered your complaint with her?

Hear that?

There it goes again.

If it's one thing I can't stand,

it's Irish tenors.

Come to think of it, I can't stomach Irish baritones, either.

Have you talked to her about it?

Well...

Crabgrass.

You know, the way I figure,

it's a race between crab grass and cement to take over the earth.

Mr. Heckman, we came out here to help you. Can we?

Of course, you understand I tried to talk to her.

I mean, I thought about what I would say

if I ever got a chance.

She just moved in two weeks ago.

The 23rd.

I remember.

Then you haven't talked to her.

Well, you just don't barge in and start jawing.

I thought I'd give her a chance to settle down.

While I was waiting, and mustering up a welcome,

that's when she started with the Shaugnessy business

on her Victrola.

Mr. Heckman.

I think the best way to handle this

would be for us all to have a talk with her, don't you?

We're checking out a complaint registered by

one of the tenants in the building.

You are Miss Mary O'Ryan, aren't you?

Yes.

It's about your record player.

The complaint was it was being played too loudly.

Who was it complained?

Could you turn down the record player?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Yes. Come in.

Who was it, officer?

Miss O'Ryan, this is Mr. Heckman.

Oh!

Mr. Heckman from downstairs.

Well, I've seen you around here,

but we've never spoken.

I'm sorry if my Victrola was on too loud.

Of course, if you'd just come up here to tell me.

Well, you know how it is.

I just kind of turned down my hearing aid,

and it don't pay me any never mind.

I'm so sorry if I bothered you.

But it is nice to finally meet, isn't it?

I beg your pardon.

What did she ask me?

She said it's nice to meet you.

Oh.

If it hadn't been for that silly old thing,

we might never have met.

Well, I've been kind of figuring on moseying by,

but what with all my hobbies and, well..

You know how it goes.

Do you like Irish tenors?

I love them.

I just love Tommy Shaugnessy, Mr. Heck...

I don't have to call you Mr. Heckman.

Billy. Please. Billy.

Miss, uh...

Mary.

Why don't you come over here and sit down, relax.

Officers, would you like some fresh johnnycake?

No, thank you, ma'am.

I think we're all finished here.

Should have ordered the same thing you did.

Special takes forever to get here.

Billy Heckman reminds me a little of my uncle.

I think Mary O'Ryan was blasting that phonograph just to get him over there.

She wanted to meet him.

Pete, are you listening to me?

Yeah.

Yes, well, uh...

Anyway, my uncle, you see,

he retired, and he had this little nest egg put away.

Couldn't have been more than a few thousand dollars. More like around five.

Anyway, so he takes his savings,

and he invests it in a land development deal in Newhall.

You're not listening to me.

Yes, I am. Every word.

Okay, so 5,000 into land.

And in just two years...

Two years now...

You know what he became?

Broke?

Why do I bother?

I try to give you good advice, and what do you do?

All right, all right. What did he become?

He became rich.

That land development deal quadrupled itself.

Terrific.

There's a nice little investment for your stomach.

Pretty nice, huh?

Yeah.

I was thinking of getting the deluxe model.

It's on the last page.

Fuel injected, huh?

Yeah.

Two props, power and speed. Should be good for skiing.

Oh, man.

Glass tubing. That's good. You can take it out in salt water.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

Copper-riveted hull, huh?

Yeah.

You can stop grinning at me.

I still think you're nuts.

- You do? - Yeah, I do.

He's on the roof of the garage.

This is One-Adam-12. We have a sniper on the roof of the parking structure.

Fifth and Western. Shots fired.

Hold it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't shoot. I work here.

He's on the roof. I was just on the phone calling the police.

Any other way out of here?

No, except for the driving ramps and the stairway.

I shut the power off to the elevator.

Anybody inside the building?

- No. - You stay out of the way.

This is One-Adam-12. The suspect's trapped on the roof.

We're inside the garage now.

- You guys are all right? - Yeah.

This is One L-20 to all units.

I've set up a command post one block to the east

on DeMar. Air Ten is en route.

E.T.A., 15 seconds.

Roger, Mac.

One L-20 to One-Adam-12.

Air Ten reports

the sniper is at the southwest corner of the roof behind the wall,

and he's not moving.

He's wearing a blue windbreaker and a brown hat.

Roger, L-20.

Woods and his partner just got here.

We're gonna make our move.

Roger. I got the building sealed off.

We'll take the stairs.

We'll call you when we're in position.

One-Adam-12, Air Ten advises

suspect at left southwest corner

and has entered a blue sedan.

One-Adam-12, roger.

Today's batch looks even fatter than yesterday.

- Yeah. - Say, Pete.

Mac, I know.

I'm not supposed to get personal mail at the station.

But what can I do?

I don't count insurance questionnaires

as personal mail.

Well, okay.

We'll call this an exception.

Charities, land companies, insurance, investments.

They're driving me crazy.

Insured investments, Pete. That's what you're looking for.

I was talking to my brother-in-law the other night.

He's in the market.

He said...

"commodity options.

"Similar to stock options.

A highly leveraged investment vehicle based upon..."

Enough, okay? I got the same brochure in the mail. Same offer.

I think I'm going to get the boat.

Pete, you can make up to 100% return on your money on this kind of deal.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12, see the man.

A 459 report.

9650 Oak Grove.

One-Adam-12, roger.

It's open.

I said it's open.

Police officers.

You reported a burglary.

Yeah.

My name's J.T. McGrath.

- Cheap wine? - No, thanks.

All I can afford in these times of personal depression.

Ah! Dinky Duck or Captain Astro?

No, thank you.

Mr. McGrath, we'll need a complete list

of everything that was taken for our report.

Looks like they cleaned you out.

It only looks like the burglars got a lot.

I've been selling what's left of value in the house.

Let's get this over with.

I want to get out of this barn

before my creditors start their daily siege.

Here's a list of what they took.

Two cameras and a television set?

That's it.

The awful thing is, I'll be getting those worthless toys back.

I'd rather have the insurance money. I could use the dough.

What makes you think you're going to get your property back?

Look at the list.

See those numbers under each item?

My third wife insisted all our possessions

have her Social Security number etched on them.

You can't fence hot items with an I.D. written all over them.

I'll get the stuff back.

How'd they get in here?

Front door. It was open.

Why lock it?

There's nothing of value in this barn anymore for me to lose.

I've blown every dime I ever had.

And the rest...

Well, three wives and their lawyers divided.

We'll get detectives on this as soon as possible.

Yeah.

Just give me a call when the stuff comes in.

If the phone's still connected.

That was a little lesson in life for you, huh?

He obviously never thought of investing his money.

He just threw it away on toys.

How about seven at that little place on Main?

You don't want to talk about it, right?

- No. - I don't blame you.

If I was going to throw $5,000 away on a boat,

I wouldn't want to talk about it either.

Did you want seven or not?

It must be tough, though, when you keep running into guys like McGrath.

Here's a guy in the twilight of his years,

and what's he got to show for it?

His phone service and his Dinky Duck cup.

Are you about through?

- Yeah. - Good.

Call in and see if we can get 7.

This is One-Adam-12 requesting code 7 at...

3469 Main Street.

One-Adam-12, continue patrol and handle this call.

A man down in the alley. 819 Walter Street. Code 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

What's going on here?

I just come up on him.

He's my friend.

I found him laying there.

Just bad drunk, huh?

He's dead.

He's dead?

Looks like he was killed and his shoes stolen.

He hasn't been walking around in his socks. They're clean.

I checked the neighborhood.

No witnesses, no leads.

This stub from a welfare check was under the body.

You said he was your friend. Was he a bourbon drinker?

Anything.

We'd drink anything.

That's a pretty expensive brand of booze.

He had money. I seen it.

He give me $5.00 to buy wine with.

And he had some more.

He spent it to buy some new shoes.

Can you describe the shoes?

They was white.

You know, like, you play the basketball with.

You'll have to stick around.

The detectives will want to get your statement.

Am I arrested?

I was his friend.

No, they just want to ask you a few questions.

Pete.

Take a look at this.

Whoever killed him got blood on their shoes.

Look at the way the tracks trail off.

Print looks like a tennis shoe.

Detectives.

Pete.

All right, buddy, wake up.

Leave me be, man.

I got the sickness.

Yeah. You're taking the wrong kind of medicine.

Come on out of there. We're the police.

This is my car.

I ain't bothering nobody.

I don't care if it's the presidential limo.

Out!

More love letters?

Yeah. From insurance salesmen.

Oh, here's one from a mortuary.

They probably haven't heard you're going to be buried in your boat yet.

Yeah.

You going to go ahead and get it, huh?

Yeah.

Guess if that's what you want.

That's what I want.

What is this?

For the last two days, you've been trying to advise me

how to spend the money,

and I finally realized you had my best interests at heart.

That's real friendship.

So I took some of the money, and I bought you a present.

I'm getting all choked up.

Thanks, Pete, but what is it?

One share of Mutual Benefit S & L.

Current market value... $5.00.

What am I supposed to do with it?

You watch it grow.

I got it because it's very conservative.

See, you get up in the morning,

and you don't read the sports page.

You go right to the financial section,

and you find the price of your stock,

and you write it down on a little piece of paper.

Then later in the afternoon,

you get a paper, and you get the closing quote,

and you write that down.

That way, you can tell how much money you're making.

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA