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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,033
* Men. *
2
00:00:03,033 --> 00:00:04,100
Hey, Danny.
3
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,701
Did you say good morning
to Melissa?
4
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,734
Good morning, Melissa.
5
00:00:07,734 --> 00:00:10,501
You look lovely today.
6
00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:12,334
Thank you, Danny
7
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:13,934
I think he's got
a little thing for you.
8
00:00:13,934 --> 00:00:17,634
No, you've got
a little thing for her.
9
00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:23,467
I've got a croquet mallet
in my pants.
10
00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:26,834
Al, I thought I told you
to keep that doll in your room.
11
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:28,033
Come on.
12
00:00:28,033 --> 00:00:30,167
He's got to feed
the broad sometime.
13
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:32,601
See what I did there?
14
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,534
You're so clever.
15
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,901
How about spaghetti with pesto
for dinner tonight?
16
00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:39,167
Oh, boy, with the pine nut
You got it.
17
00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:43,667
I've got your pine nuts
right here.
18
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:44,834
Danny.
19
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:47,334
Buy one, get one free.
20
00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:51,267
Okay, Al, I'm only going
to ask you this once.
21
00:00:51,267 --> 00:00:53,868
Has litt Miss Muppet
moved into my house?
22
00:00:53,868 --> 00:00:55,367
What? No. Huh-uh.
23
00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:56,734
Really?
24
00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:58,801
Then explain why she's
here when I go to bed
25
00:00:58,801 --> 00:01:00,167
and still here
when get up.
26
00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:01,734
Well, to be fair, Charlie,
27
00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:03,300
you do have an erratic
sleep schedule.
28
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,467
And that's not even
counting the drunken blackouts.
29
00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:08,567
So you're saying I continually
miss it when she goes home?
30
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:11,067
Charlie, you missed Easter
last year.
31
00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:12,667
Was that the time I woke up
32
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:16,000
with a Cadbury egg
melted in my short
33
00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:20,200
Sadly enough, no.
34
00:01:21,767 --> 00:01:23,801
Okay, okay,
just so you understand
35
00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:26,767
this is my house and you don't
get to invite people to move in.
36
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,067
Why do you keep harping on that?
37
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,467
She is not living here.
38
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:31,300
I'm just going to throw
in a load of laundry
39
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,567
before I go to work.
40
00:01:34,234 --> 00:01:37,033
Sure looks like she is.
41
00:01:38,701 --> 00:01:40,567
I don't know
what he's talking about.
42
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:13,600
Hey, listen,
I was thinking.
43
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,301
Why don't we bring my bed over
from my mother's house?
44
00:02:17,734 --> 00:02:19,001
We've already got a bed.
45
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:21,267
This isn't a bed,
it's a fold-out couch.
46
00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:23,034
And you're the one who's always
complaining about it.
47
00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:25,468
Oh, I complain
about a lot of things.
48
00:02:25,468 --> 00:02:27,368
Like, uh, like automatic
flush toilets.
49
00:02:27,368 --> 00:02:29,201
I mean, everything's gone
before you get a chance
50
00:02:29,201 --> 00:02:32,067
to turn around
and check out how you did.
51
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,867
What the dickens
are you talking about?
52
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:35,767
Let's just leave the furniture
the way it is.
53
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:36,834
I don't want to rock the boat.
54
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:38,267
How is getting
a decent bed
55
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:39,401
rocking the boat?
56
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:42,201
This is our room, isn't it?
Well, yeah.
57
00:02:42,201 --> 00:02:44,101
And-and no. I mean...
58
00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:45,334
It's still Charlie's house.
59
00:02:45,334 --> 00:02:47,567
But you pay rent?
Of course.
60
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,633
I mean, you know,
the actual number fluctuates
61
00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:52,134
depending on the economy
and whether Charlie's conscious
62
00:02:52,134 --> 00:02:53,967
on the first of the month.
But yeah, I pay.
63
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:56,667
Okay, then you need to start
standing up to him.
64
00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,167
Oh, please.
65
00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:00,567
I stand up to him plenty.
Is that so?
66
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,401
You think he likes
unsalted butter?
67
00:03:06,401 --> 00:03:07,700
He does not.
68
00:03:09,034 --> 00:03:11,034
Now you listen
to me, Alan Harper.
69
00:03:11,034 --> 00:03:13,767
You are a strong,
assertive man.
70
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:16,134
I know that because I
couldn't be with you
71
00:03:16,134 --> 00:03:17,767
if you were anything less.
72
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,734
Oh, well, yeah, I am.
73
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:21,900
You know, I...
I don't want to flaunt
74
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:27,734
my strong assertiveness by,
you know, asking for stuff.
75
00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:29,401
Alan, you need
to tell your brother
76
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:31,301
we're moving my bed in here
and if he doesn't like it,
77
00:03:31,301 --> 00:03:33,600
well, then that is just
his tough noogies.
78
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,401
Okay, I will tell him.
79
00:03:36,401 --> 00:03:40,334
Good.
But slowly.
80
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:42,167
As I did with the butter.
81
00:03:42,167 --> 00:03:45,167
And how long did that take?
82
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:47,700
That is not important.
83
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:49,667
What's important is this is now
84
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,700
a low sodium,
heart smart household.
85
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,234
He thinks he's fooling me,
But he's not.
86
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:56,967
She's living here.
87
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:59,533
He moved her in
right under my nose.
88
00:03:59,533 --> 00:04:00,967
So?
89
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:04,600
So this is
the unsalted butter again,
90
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,667
but, you know, writ lae.
91
00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:11,067
What difference does it
make if she lives here?
92
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:12,734
"What difference?"
93
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:14,001
Are you kidding?
94
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:15,667
First it's him
and his stinky kid
95
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,867
and now he's shacking up
with Strawberry Shortcake!
96
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,767
He pays rent,
doesn't he?
97
00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:22,301
I don't know.
98
00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:23,767
Once, maybe.
99
00:04:24,967 --> 00:04:26,434
He says he did.
100
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:29,767
So why do you care
who he has in his room?
101
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,134
I care because...
102
00:04:32,134 --> 00:04:33,533
There's a principle involved.
103
00:04:33,533 --> 00:04:34,567
"A principle"?
104
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,900
Yes! I made a rule.
105
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:40,667
Ooh, you made a rule.
106
00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:42,234
Yes, I made a rule.
107
00:04:42,234 --> 00:04:43,301
And I'm making another one.
108
00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:45,767
You do not get
to mock my rules.
109
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:47,667
You're being silly, Charlie.
110
00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:49,234
Melissa is
a wonderful girl.
111
00:04:49,234 --> 00:04:51,567
They love each other
and she makes him happy.
112
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:54,700
And I care about
that because...?
113
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,468
Because the Charlie Harper
that I fell in love with
114
00:04:57,468 --> 00:04:59,867
cares about other
people's happiness.
115
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,734
That's the Charlie Harper
you fell in love with, huh?
Yes.
116
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:05,434
Well, joke's on you.
117
00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:07,334
That whole nice guy
thing was a big act
118
00:05:07,334 --> 00:05:09,334
to get you to have sex with me.
119
00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,001
Ha-ha.
120
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:13,734
I know you'll do the
right thing, Charlie.
121
00:05:14,767 --> 00:05:16,434
Oh, you do, huh?
122
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:21,101
Most of the time, I'm not even
sure what the right thing is.
123
00:05:22,001 --> 00:05:24,800
* Men. *
124
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:27,867
Hey.
125
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:29,167
Hey.
Got a minute?
126
00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:30,267
I'm reading.
127
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,434
Okay, we'll talk later.
128
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:40,600
Damn it, Alan, get back out there!
129
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,334
But I got to pee.
You already peed, now go!
130
00:05:43,334 --> 00:05:45,633
(door opens and closes)
131
00:05:45,633 --> 00:05:47,967
Hey-ho.
132
00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:50,468
What do you want, Alan?
Well...
133
00:05:50,468 --> 00:05:53,700
as you know, I pay my fair share
of rent around here.
134
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:57,201
We probably have different
definitions of "fair."
135
00:05:57,201 --> 00:05:59,533
And "share."
136
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,700
And "rent," but go on.
137
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:04,533
I-I-I just don't think
I need your permission
138
00:06:04,533 --> 00:06:06,301
when it comes to Melissa
living with me.
139
00:06:06,301 --> 00:06:08,800
Well, you're wrong.
Nice talking to you.
140
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:09,900
Charlie.
141
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,267
I would hope that...
Don't Charlie me.
142
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,533
This is my house.
143
00:06:13,533 --> 00:06:15,101
Not yours, mine.
144
00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:16,934
And the fact is
if Melissa moves in,
145
00:06:16,934 --> 00:06:19,434
that means you've got more
people living here than I do.
146
00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:20,934
So?
147
00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:23,600
So there's a principle
involved...
148
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:30,167
...that we must discuss.
149
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:32,934
Okay, so what's
the principle?
150
00:06:38,334 --> 00:06:41,468
The principle is that...
151
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,800
you're my brother
and I want you to be happy.
152
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,001
So Melissa can stay?
153
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,368
I mean, move in?
154
00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:55,800
Sure.
155
00:06:58,234 --> 00:06:59,667
Well, all right then.
156
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:07,101
(exclaims)
157
00:07:09,401 --> 00:07:11,700
* Men. *
158
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,767
You know,
I was thinking.
159
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,134
You've got me.
Alan's got Melissa.
160
00:07:18,134 --> 00:07:20,101
Even Jake's got a girlfriend.
161
00:07:20,101 --> 00:07:22,800
We need to find somebody
for Sir Lancelot.
162
00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:26,600
Your cat?
163
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,368
Yeah. Doesn't he deserve
some happiness?
164
00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:32,134
He can lick his own crotch.
What else does he need?
165
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:35,001
Come on, Charlie.
166
00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:37,034
Why shouldn't he have
so companionship?
167
00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:39,034
All right.
168
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:41,600
How about we get him
nice lady coyote?
169
00:07:42,468 --> 00:07:43,667
Charlie!
170
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,967
What? It'd be good
for ol' Lance.
171
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,101
Get a little exercise
running for his life.
172
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,167
You're terrible.
173
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,334
(phone ringing)
174
00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:54,667
Let the machine get it.
175
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,067
Hi, this is Alan.
176
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,533
And this is Melissa.
177
00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:59,767
We're not home right now
and neither are Charlie
and Chelsea.
178
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,101
Well, Charlie might be
home, but he's probably
179
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:02,600
in no condition to answer.
180
00:08:07,134 --> 00:08:09,201
Leave a message
when you hear the beep.
181
00:08:09,201 --> 00:08:11,867
Beep!
182
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,434
(machine beeps)
183
00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:14,734
Hello, Charlie?
184
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:15,900
It's your mother.
185
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,167
Remember me?
186
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,834
The woman who carried you
in her womb
187
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:21,767
for roughly
seven and a half mons.
188
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,134
Anyway, I'd say call me,
but what's the point?
189
00:08:24,134 --> 00:08:25,533
I've long since
given up expecting
190
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:28,401
any kind of consideration...
191
00:08:28,401 --> 00:08:29,867
"Seven and a half months"?
192
00:08:29,867 --> 00:08:33,468
She always said,
"If God wanted us to lose our figures
193
00:08:33,468 --> 00:08:36,101
he wouldn't have invented
C-sections and incubators."
194
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,368
Oh, hey, all.
195
00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:39,267
We're home.
196
00:08:39,267 --> 00:08:42,368
Oh, boy.
Hi.
197
00:08:42,368 --> 00:08:44,067
Charlie?
198
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,867
Hi.
199
00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:47,401
Oh, uh, just so you know,
200
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,800
Melissa and I are going to put our food
on the bottom shelf
201
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,234
and you guys can take the top
and we'll split the door, okay?
202
00:08:52,234 --> 00:08:53,533
That's a great idea.
203
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,401
No, it's not.
It's my refrigerator.
204
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:56,734
Be quiet.
205
00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,167
I bought it.
I paid for it.
206
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,767
Charlie!
The whole thing, not just half.
207
00:09:00,767 --> 00:09:01,900
Stop being a child.
208
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:03,533
I'm just saying.
I'm not going to forfeit
209
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:06,234
a grape soda just because
I put it on the wrong shelf!
210
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,700
Mind if we join you guys?
Sure.
211
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,034
What are we watching?
212
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,001
An Odd couple rerun.
213
00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:15,267
Oh, I never really
liked that show.
214
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:17,667
Why not?
I don't really buy the premise.
215
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:20,134
I mean, you know, who in his right mind
would put up with somebody
216
00:09:20,134 --> 00:09:22,567
who drives him crazy
for all those years?
217
00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:31,434
I mean, it would be
different if they were reled.
218
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,468
* Men. *
219
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:39,600
That was fun picking out
our wedding crystal.
220
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,834
Oh, yeah.
Barrel of monkeys.
221
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:44,134
I'm so excited
about that big punch bowl.
222
00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:46,001
You know what would be
really exciting?
223
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,167
Next time you ask me to go
shopping with you,
224
00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,734
use it to cave in my skull.
225
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:57,468
What the hell is this?
226
00:09:57,468 --> 00:09:59,201
Oh, look who's here.
227
00:09:59,201 --> 00:10:01,468
He dude, party down.
228
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:05,201
What are you doing?
229
00:10:05,201 --> 00:10:06,734
We invited a few friends over.
230
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:08,368
You don't have any friends.
231
00:10:08,368 --> 00:10:10,134
Yeah, but Melissa does.
232
00:10:10,134 --> 00:10:12,067
So now they're mine, too.
233
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,934
They don't
really like you.
234
00:10:13,934 --> 00:10:15,301
They do, too.
235
00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:17,468
Dream on, meat puppet.
236
00:10:18,533 --> 00:10:20,267
Who said you could have a party?
237
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:22,434
I'm sorry.
I thought we lived here.
238
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:24,368
Must we check with you
about everything we do?
239
00:10:24,368 --> 00:10:26,767
Yes!
240
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,267
What's that guy drinking?
241
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:30,734
Is that my grape soda?
242
00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:32,468
It was on our shelf.
243
00:10:32,468 --> 00:10:33,867
What'd I tell ya?
244
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,368
Okay, that's it.
Charlie...
245
00:10:37,368 --> 00:10:39,167
No-no-no. No, no, this is
not acceptable.
246
00:10:39,167 --> 00:10:41,167
Hey, everybody!
247
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,800
Everybody listen up.
248
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,900
(music stops)
249
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,034
Party's over.
250
00:10:47,034 --> 00:10:50,167
Pack up your crap and get out.
251
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,067
I'm not kidding!
252
00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:59,234
One.
253
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:02,633
I'm counting to three,
by the way.
254
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,001
Two.
255
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,767
Ah, screw it.
256
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,368
I'll leave.
257
00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:11,500
Charlie.
258
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,101
Forget it.
I'm out of here.
259
00:11:14,101 --> 00:11:15,401
(crowd chatter)
260
00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:18,633
See what happens
when I do the right thing?
261
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,634
Okay, I think you're
really overreacting,
262
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:30,767
but if you want to spend
the night at a hotel, fine.
263
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:35,001
No, I ll not come over there
for a quickie.
264
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:37,500
Good-bye, Charlie.
265
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,500
He just needs to cool off.
266
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,834
We're really sorry, Chelsea.
267
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,967
We probably should have talked
to you guys
268
00:11:42,967 --> 00:11:44,334
before inviting
our friends over.
269
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,167
Your friends?
270
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:49,901
Maybe we just need
some kind of system
271
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:52,533
where we give each other
a heads up about guests.
272
00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:53,433
That's a great idea.
273
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:55,134
Excuse me.
274
00:11:55,134 --> 00:11:57,800
Since when do you two call
the shots around here?
275
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,500
What are you
talking about?
276
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:04,901
All right, ladies,
277
00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:07,201
let's make something very clear.
278
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,533
There is an established
pecking order in this house
279
00:12:10,533 --> 00:12:11,734
that needs to be honored.
280
00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:12,934
Oh, really?
281
00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:14,334
And what might that be?
282
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,533
Wow.
283
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:16,667
(laughs)
284
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,500
Do I have to spell it out?
285
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,067
Please do.
286
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:22,201
Fine.
287
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:26,101
When Charlie is not here,
I am in charge
288
00:12:32,867 --> 00:12:36,533
That's okay, isn't it?
289
00:12:38,034 --> 00:12:40,101
* Men.
290
00:12:45,368 --> 00:12:46,567
Yeah?
291
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:57,301
Room service.
292
00:12:57,301 --> 00:13:00,067
Guess who got himself kicked out
of the house.
293
00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:02,467
Ow! Ow!
294
00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:04,734
Cut it out!
Cut it out!
295
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:08,268
What are you
doing here, Alan?
296
00:13:08,268 --> 00:13:10,167
Honestly, I didn't have
any place else to go.
297
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,500
Yeah, well, I got news
for you. You still don't.
298
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,101
Oh, come on, Charlie.
299
00:13:14,101 --> 00:13:16,667
Alan, you're the reason
I'm here in the first place.
300
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,201
I know, I know. I might have
crossed a bit of a line.
301
00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:22,101
A bit of a line?
302
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,334
You moved your girlfriend into
my house without telling me.
303
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:26,433
You invited strangers over
without my permission.
304
00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,667
And then, then, to add
insult to injury,
305
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,634
you show up here with
your ugly friggin' dummy?!
306
00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,634
Did you hear that?
307
00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:35,834
He called you ugly.
308
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,467
Good-bye, Alan.
309
00:13:39,467 --> 00:13:41,600
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
310
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:42,834
I...
311
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,334
I brought a peace offering.
312
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:46,700
That's my
ten-year-old Scotch!
313
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:47,567
No, it's not.
314
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:48,867
Yes, it is.
315
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,500
I saw him take it.
Oh!
316
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,234
Damn it, Danny,
what is wrong with you?
317
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,767
What's wrong with me?
318
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:59,967
You're the one with your hand
between my little wooden cheeks.
319
00:13:59,967 --> 00:14:02,800
All right, all right,
enough. Enough.
320
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,034
I'm gonna
drink scotch,
321
00:14:05,034 --> 00:14:06,167
I'm gonna need ice.
322
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:07,667
There's a machine down the hall.
323
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,700
Be right back.
324
00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:19,201
Yeah, like I don't have ice.
325
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,067
* Men. *
326
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,567
Thanks for letting
me back in.
327
00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:33,767
You were crying
in the hallway.
328
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,567
The other guests complned.
329
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:41,734
Still, it's very
considerate of you.
330
00:14:41,734 --> 00:14:43,901
Shut up and drink my scotch.
331
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,334
Cheers.
332
00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:49,500
Bite me.
333
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:53,567
This is kind
of fun, though.
334
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,400
You and me sharing a hotel room
just like when we were kids.
335
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,567
Swell.
336
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:02,901
Remember that time Mom took us
on that Caribbean cruise?
337
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:04,034
We had our own cabin.
338
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:05,934
Yeah.
339
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,433
Took us three days to figure out
Mom was on another boat.
340
00:15:11,901 --> 00:15:13,901
Good times.
Mmm.
341
00:15:16,934 --> 00:15:18,533
We've lost our
house, Charlie.
342
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:24,734
Your house.
343
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:25,934
We've lost your house.
344
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:28,433
I know.
345
00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:29,634
How did this happen?
346
00:15:29,634 --> 00:15:32,533
Slowly.
347
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,867
In irements.
348
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,600
Starting with the butter.
349
00:15:38,301 --> 00:15:39,867
I can see that now.
350
00:15:39,867 --> 00:15:42,234
The problem is, the women have
established a beachhead.
351
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:43,368
(chuckling)
352
00:15:43,368 --> 00:15:45,301
What?
353
00:15:45,301 --> 00:15:46,967
Nothing. Nothing.
354
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:52,234
You just reminded me why
I bought a house in Malibu.
355
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,234
The thing is,
356
00:15:53,234 --> 00:15:55,800
if we go back,
we'll appear weak.
357
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,634
I don't mind that.
358
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,201
No, no, we need a plan.
359
00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:01,967
We need to figure out
some way
360
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,734
to drive a wedge
between those two.
361
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:04,867
You know, divide and conquer.
362
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:06,134
Oh, yeah, but how?
363
00:16:06,134 --> 00:16:08,734
I'm not sure.
364
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,800
Maybe we should sleep on it.
365
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,800
Want to watch
some porn first?
366
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:17,967
No.
367
00:16:19,433 --> 00:16:20,934
Why not?
368
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:26,533
I'm drunk in bed in a hotel room
with my brother,
369
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:29,634
and you want to know
why I don't want to watch porn?
370
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,634
Okay. Okay, I get it.
371
00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,867
You don't want
to watch porn.
372
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:47,867
Mind if I watch?
373
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:53,134
(Danny screaming)
374
00:16:54,734 --> 00:16:56,767
* Men. *
375
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,567
So they both just up and left, huh?
376
00:16:58,567 --> 00:16:59,500
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
377
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,201
Those boneless chickens.
378
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,433
They'll be back.
379
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,067
They just have to get used
to the way things are now.
380
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,001
Damn right.
381
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:08,834
Girl power, my bitches.
382
00:17:10,268 --> 00:17:12,368
Hey, Berta, why don't
you whip us up
383
00:17:12,368 --> 00:17:14,134
some French toast
to celebrate?
384
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,667
Or, uh, we could do it.
385
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,834
Good plan...
386
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,533
my bitches.
387
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,567
Hello, anybody home?
388
00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:31,368
In here.
389
00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:33,167
Oh, what a nice surprise.
390
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,967
Good morning, ladies.
391
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,001
Berta.
392
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:39,167
Botox.
393
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,001
So where are the
boys this morning?
394
00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:46,001
Oh well, Charlie's off, soaking
in a hotel.
395
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:47,400
Oh, really?
396
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,834
Well, what about Alan?
397
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,567
Oh, Alan's too cheap for a hotel.
398
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:54,034
I see.
And what brought this on?
399
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:55,867
A lot of macho nonsense.
400
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,433
Mm, and Alan?
401
00:17:58,433 --> 00:18:00,901
Just nonsense.
402
00:18:00,901 --> 00:18:02,400
No kidding.
403
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,901
Well, I'm glad to see you didn't
let them get away with it.
404
00:18:04,901 --> 00:18:06,001
Thank you.
Thank you.
405
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:08,667
And I'm doubly pleased
that you two
406
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:11,800
have managed to put aside your
somewhat distasteful history
407
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,368
and bond the way
you obviously have.
408
00:18:14,368 --> 00:18:15,767
What distasteful history?
409
00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:19,067
Oh, come on, let them
make my breakfast first.
410
00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:21,034
What are you
talking about, Evelyn?
411
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:24,467
A lot of women might resent
the former lover of their fiancé
412
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,734
living in the same
house as them.
413
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:30,567
It ain't me, start cooking.
414
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:32,901
You and Charlie?
415
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:34,433
Just one little weekend.
416
00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:38,001
But believe me, if I knew
what kind of man he was,
417
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,201
What's that
supposed to mean?
418
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,368
Oh, he's fine for you.
419
00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:41,767
Fine for me?!
420
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:43,533
Well, I've got an early meeting.
421
00:18:43,533 --> 00:18:46,600
Nice to see you girls.
422
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,834
Why didn't you
tell me?!
423
00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:49,001
I thought you
were my friend!
424
00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:50,400
I'm your friend?!
425
00:18:52,201 --> 00:18:53,533
Hey, if it weren't for me,
426
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,368
your ass would've been
gone a long time ago...
427
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,667
I believe the balance of power
is restored.
428
00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,301
Thanks, Mom.
429
00:19:00,301 --> 00:19:01,600
Thank you.
430
00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:06,368
You owe me large.
431
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:17,368
All right, sweetheart,
I think yore overreacting,
432
00:19:17,368 --> 00:19:19,201
but if you want to spend
the night in a hotel
433
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,468
that's fine.
434
00:19:20,468 --> 00:19:23,167
Hey, you want me to come over
for a quickie?
435
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,667
Kidding. Love you.
436
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,001
Damn.
437
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,034
Hey, at least Chelsea's
coming back.
438
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:31,500
Melissa said she'll never
set foot in this house again.
439
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,334
All's well that ends well, huh?
440
00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:37,633
Bite me.
441
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:45,434
Oh, come on, the important thing
is, we got the house back.
442
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,667
And we're once again
kings of the castle.
443
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:48,900
That's true.
444
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:50,567
Hey, Celeste and
I are going be
445
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:52,167
studying in my room.
Okay.
446
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:54,533
Oh, right.
447
00:19:54,533 --> 00:19:55,800
Set another place for dinner.
448
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,900
She's going to be
joining us.
449
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,167
Fine.
450
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:01,767
Also, she's a vegetarian,
so no meat.
451
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,334
Got it.
452
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,633
Come on, Jake.
453
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:08,900
Coming.
454
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,633
Kings of the castle, my ass.
455
00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:14,434
We're whipped
unto the third generation.
456
00:20:14,434 --> 00:20:18,034
Sync and correcting by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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