Original subtitles

In 1882, the American Wild West is dangerous

to live in, food is scarce, disease spreads

rapidly, and only the toughest people get to

survive.

In a small town in Arizona, sheep farmer

Albert goes to the town square to meet

with a cowboy who has threatened to kill

Albert's family if he doesn't get the money

he lost because of Albert's sheep.

He's now ready for a gunfight but Albert

is a coward who begins making up arguments

to avoid the fight and even makes naughty

shadows with his hands.

The cowboy snaps and shoots Albert in the

leg while Albert's girlfriend Louise looks disappointed.

Afterward Albert and Louise have a picnic near

a river and Louise says Albert should have

been braver.

She suddenly breaks up with him, claiming she's

been thinking about it for some time.

Albert says he loves her but Louise leaves

anyway.

Meanwhile at the saloon, Edward is waiting for

his girlfriend to finish working.

The manager makes fun of him for dating

a woman who satisfies other men for work,

but he doesn't care.

Ruth soon comes out of the room and

goes on a date with Edward after promising

the manager to come back in time for

another client.

In the evening, Edward and Ruth visit Albert

to offer their support since he can't stop

thinking about Louise and looking at their pictures

together.

They end up going to the saloon to

get drunk and Albert goes on a rant

about how living in the wild west is

the worst because everything can kill you.

He mentions things like hungry animals but also

drunk people, going to the bathroom, and minors

dying from their farts after eating spicy wings,

which happens behind him.

Then he brings his friends outside to point

out that the mayor has been lying dead

outside for three days and nobody has noticed.

At that moment two wolves come out and

take the mayor's body away to eat it.

A guy in the saloon gets tired of

Albert's rambling and throws him out through the

window.

After drinking a lot, Albert clumsily rides his

horse and even falls, but he still makes

it to Louise's house.

He tries to win her back to no

avail.

The next day, an old man is riding

in his carriage with his dog plugger outside

town.

He's happy to have found a piece of

gold, which he quickly hides when he sees

a group of suspicious riders coming.

The famous criminal clinch asks the man for

gold and even tells him to pull out

his gun so that he can take it

from him fairly without robbing him.

The old man does so and clinch says

they'll shoot on three, however clinch shoots on

two and kills the old man.

Clinch's wife Anna protests against unnecessary killing, and

clinch grabs her by the neck to threaten

her into silence.

Then he takes the man's map and splits

the gang to search the area, sending Louis

with Anna to town.

On their way out, Anna decides to keep

plugger.

Meanwhile Edward goes to check on Albert.

While they talk about relationships and women, Albert

is shocked to hear Edward and Ruth haven't

done the dirty yet because they're Christians that

are waiting to get married.

The guys go to town to watch the

ice being delivered from Boston, which falls and

kills a guy.

They're shocked to find Louise with a new

boyfriend called Foy, whose mustache is the envy

of every man.

Later at church, Albert keeps exchanging menacing looks

with Foy.

The pastor introduces Anna and Louis, who are

pretending to be siblings that just moved into

town.

After mass is over, Albert goes to Foy's

mustachery and asks about products that can help

him grow facial hair.

However Foy mocks him, saying his farm salary

can't afford such luxurious products.

That night at the saloon, Edward asks Ruth

to finally get intimate, but she's hesitant.

He notices that she has some man's seed

on her face and cleans it with his

handkerchief.

Then Albert announces he wants to leave town

and gives Edward his favorite socks, so in

return Edward gives him his handkerchief, which gets

stuck on Albert's hand.

Meanwhile a cowboy accidentally bumps into Louis, spilling

his drink.

Louis demands to get a new one, so

the cowboy pours Louis a shot only to

put his cigar inside.

Louis responds by shooting the guy, which immediately

triggers a bar brawl.

As men brutally attack each other, start fires,

break the furniture, and even kill a few

people, Albert and Edward pretend to fight so

they'll be left alone.

Bottles are broken and used to stab fighters

while Anna just dodges it all and drinks

in a corner.

At that moment Albert notices two men are

about to fall on top of Anna, so

he quickly jumps in to save her by

pushing her outside.

There are more men joining the fight with

weapons so the duo runs to town square

to take a walk and chat while playing

with Plugger.

After a few throws, Plugger comes back with

the mayor's leg instead of the stick, so

the duo decides to go to the cliff

to relax.

While sharing a cigarette, Albert tells Anna everything

about his situation with Louise and Anna concludes

that Louise is missing out on a nice

guy.

Suddenly a snake slithers past them so they

keep still to avoid getting bitten.

Then Anna convinces Albert to take her to

the fair to make Louise jealous.

The next day Anna visits Louis in jail,

calling him stupid for shooting the pastor's son.

She admits she'll be happy the day that

Clinch dies and leave without bailing Louis out.

Afterward she joins Albert at the fair, where

a guy is taking pictures.

However his camera explodes, setting the photographer and

his clients on fire.

Two men quickly shoot the clients to save

them from the pain.

At that moment Louise and Foy show up,

so Anna pretends to be Albert's girlfriend as

they exchange some banner.

Anna mentions there's a shooting range and Foy

tricks Albert into accepting a bet.

The game consists of shooting pictures of running

slaves and Foy manages to land all six

bullets.

When it's Albert's turn, he misses every shot.

Before he can pay, Anna steps in and

convinces Foy to make the bet harder.

She asks the game operator to make it

go as fast as possible and uses two

guns to hit every single target in seconds.

Now Foy has to pay Albert a dollar,

which leaves everyone in shock because they've never

seen any currency higher than coins.

Refusing to be seen as a loser, Foy

keeps on mocking Albert, who snaps and challenges

Foy to a duel the next day.

Foy accepts and after he leaves, Albert freaks

out, regretting the decision.

Anna decides she'll teach Albert how to shoot

and on their way out, they see a

bull running into and killing a stand owner.

The duo goes out of town to practice

and Albert proves he's a horrible shooter over

and over again even at close range.

Luckily Anna is very patient and never gives

up, trying out different tricks for Albert to

progressively get better little by little.

After he finally shoots cans and bottles, they

draw a person on a door and Albert

lands his shot, almost killing his dad in

the process.

Once training is over, Anna rewards him with

a pot cookie.

They watch the sunset together and the cookies

cause them to get startled even by small

animals.

In town, the sheriff opens the cell to

bring Louis some food.

By pretending to be asleep, Louis surprise attacks

the sheriff, killing him by pounding his head

on the bars.

Later that night, Albert goes to the barn

dance with Anna, who is wearing an extra

fancy dress for the occasion.

Foy and Louise are also there and once

again Foy wants to compete.

He tells the band to play a song

that celebrates the joys of having a mustache,

humiliating Albert for not having one and causing

him to get kicked out of the dance

floor.

Anna isn't happy about this and makes a

plan, she steals a bottle of whiskey from

the bartender and puts a laxative in a

glass.

Then she challenges Foy to a drinking contest

and loses on purpose to trick Foy into

drinking her little trap.

Afterward Albert and Anna leave the party and

decide to drink at the farm.

They talk a lot and bond over their

hate for the wild west.

Albert gets one of the sheep to bring

Anna a photograph of a man smiling, which

is considered impossible.

Anna thanks him with a kiss on the

cheek and it quickly grows into actual kissing.

Feeling awkward, Albert takes Anna back to her

hotel only to end up kissing again, which

is seen by Louis.

On his way home, Albert notices a glowing

light coming from a barn.

He opens the door and finds Doc Brown

from Back to the Future working on the

DeLorean.

The doctor says it's just a weather experiment

and Albert believes him.

Meanwhile at Foy's home, Louise asks him not

to kill Albert, but he refuses.

Then they start doing the naughty again with

Louise sucking on the mustache, however Foy suddenly

feels sick and has to run to the

bathroom.

The next morning, Anna gets a knock on

her door and opens it, only to discover

its clinch.

Moments later at town square, Albert is worried

because Anna hasn't showed up.

Foy arrives but he can barely walk and

he starts feeling sick again, so he has

to steal some hats to relieve himself in

them.

When Foy is finally ready to fight, Albert

drops his belt and gun, saying Foy can

keep Louise because he's moved on.

After wishing Louise good luck in her new

life, Albert goes looking for Anna and finds

her room empty.

Confused, Albert goes to the saloon to rant

to his friends.

At that moment, clinch shows up with his

gang and announces that somebody was seen kissing

his wife Anna, who he drags in as

well.

As Albert's heart breaks overhearing Anna is married,

clinch asks who kissed his wife and shoots

a random cowboy with a famous face to

prove how dangerous he is.

Before leaving, clinch tells the crowd he'll kill

more people if the guy that kissed Anna

doesn't meet him tomorrow at noon.

Then clinch takes Anna out of town to

hit her for kissing another man.

He also threatens to kill plugger, forcing Anna

to confess Albert's name.

Next clinch forcefully kisses Anna and gets his

pants down to do the dirty, so Anna

uses the distraction to whack him on the

head with a rock.

Before leaving, she puts a flower in clinch's

rear.

Using clinch's horse, Anna arrives at the farm,

where Albert is packing his things to leave

before clinch could find him.

He's furious because Anna lied to him, admitting

he loves her.

Anna explains she married clinch when she was

nine and nowadays she stays with him by

force, then she admits she loves Albert back.

The moment is interrupted when they see clinch's

gang coming, so Anna leaves after telling Albert

that clinch always shoots on too.

Soon clinch and his men make it to

the farm and start looking for Albert, who

is hiding among his sheep and gets peed

on his face.

When the gang isn't looking, Albert sneaks around

and reaches his horse to escape.

A chase ensues as clinch fails to shoot

Albert because of how fast he's going.

They make it to the tracks and Albert

manages to ride through before the train passes,

jumping on it to get away.

Eventually he gets off the train and stops

to let his horse rest, only for someone

to suddenly knock him out.

In town, Edward and Ruth decide to consummate

their relationship.

Edward freaks out when he sees a woman's

parts for the first time and when they

finally get down to business, they're interrupted by

Anna.

It turns out Louis is looking for her,

but by the time he bursts in, she's

already escaped through the window.

Unfortunately she's immediately blocked by clinch.

Meanwhile Albert wakes up to find himself tied

to a pole surrounded by the Indian Apache

tribe.

They are about to burn him down but

Albert surprises them when he speaks their language,

admitting that he studied a lot in his

spare time.

The Indians take him down and sit him

around a campfire, sharing a special drink with

him.

Albert drinks too much of it and starts

hallucinating pretty hard.

First he revisits old memories, like the time

he was born and his father refused to

hold him.

When Albert lost his first tooth, he put

it under his pillow but only found horse

poop in the morning.

During his graduation ceremony, a fake Abraham Lincoln

made a horrible speech.

When he got his first bike, he tried

to show it off to Louise and crashed

against a bunch of horses, making them fall.

Then a bunch of dwarf cowboys chased him

out of town.

Suddenly the hallucination takes Albert to a strange

field where Anna is telling Louise she has

big eyes, and Albert screams when he sees

Louise's changed face.

Then a group of sheep that sound like

foy gather to sing the mustache song while

dancing and peeing.

A door appears and long-legged sheep tell

Albert to open it when he's ready.

The handle is a snake that snaps at

Albert, but he doesn't give up and tries

again.

The door opens and Albert sees Anna in

a wedding dress waiting for him.

When he walks through the door, a condor

appears in the sky with Clinch's face in

its mouth.

Albert fails to shoot it down so instead

he kicks it in the naughty area to

defeat it.

At that moment Albert snaps out of the

hallucination and realizes he's found the courage he

needed, so Albert thanks the Indians for their

wisdom and leaves.

Six minutes before noon, Albert shows up at

Town Square, where Clinch is holding Anna hostage.

He sends her to his men so he

can fight and the countdown begins, however Albert

remembers Anna's advice and shoots at one.

Clinch gets hit on the arm but he

manages to shoot anyway, disarming Albert.

To buy some time, Albert starts singing a

death chant, claiming it's a family tradition before

death.

Suddenly Clinch starts feeling terribly ill and collapses

as Albert reveals that the Indians taught him

to extract venom from a snake and lace

the bullet with it.

He feels very proud of himself, but Clinch

didn't hear a word of it because he's

already dead.

Anna kicks the outlaws holding her hostage to

free herself and runs to Albert's arms, celebrating

his victory with a kiss.

Louise comes over and tries to get Albert

back, but he turns her down because he's

with Anna now.

As the new couple walks away, Anna reminds

Albert that there's a reward for Clinch's head.

Soon Albert gets the money and buys tons

of sheep for his farm so he can

start a new life with Anna.

Meanwhile a famous cowboy from another movie shows

up at the fair and kills the operator

for his racist shooting game.

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